Sunday, February 28, 2016

Broken Open

Broken Open

I take it really seriously when someone refers me a book . In the last month two people have specifically referrred me two different books and I just finished the first this afternoon. A snowy blistery day where we got up at 5 am and drove from the city in time for ski jobs and hubby and i cocooned the day at the cottage until it was time to get the kids .

The perfect day to read this breathtaking book" Broken Open"

So many great nuggets of wisdom for me in this book. To name a few :

Stop resisting the changes in life allow your mind and soul and body to go with the flow and accept that suffering brings forward life greatest learnings

Learn that you cannot both pray and worry - you have to choose . And when you do pray it should not be for a certain outcome but for your strength and openness to receive the lessens that need to be taught in your life. The book specifically says it is ok to pray solely for comfort. This is good for me as i pray a little more now and does bring me comfort . In the last few days have read a couple of very religious blogs that just really turned me off of the concept of a formalized God, but after that instead of not praying and not having faith i told myself " wow that person in the blog really has a way of expressing her beliefs that does not resonate with me  or make any sense to who i am at all.. But there are beautiful parts of her blog too that i can learn from " . I allowed myself to not be turned off but turned back in tune. And i allowed myself the comfort of prayer .

Truth in this book was paramount and how the finding of it in ourselves it really incredible. I knew when i completed my therapy 6 months ago i was not fully complete . I think through this book i will find courage to tackle a long hidden issue for myself . SK said to me the other day " did you tell this person how you felt about this?" And my answer was " of course not ! "  My answer in retrospect was vert revealing to me as in had never considered that i could go that deep .

It was just a purely beautiful book fill of wisdom and beauty and nature and life . I especially  loved the part about the woman who took her ex husbands new son eli into her life and expanded her sense of family to include him as atypical this might seem . I loved that part

I loved the part about 10 yr old Hugo diagnosed with leukemia and the way his family was broken open that it was in those moments they were able to give and receive love at its finest. How when the author saw Hugo she did the say the usual " how are you feeling ?" But instead " what are you thinking ?" Ahh what a liberating and free question to pose in a time of such pain .

This book made me think of purpose and serving . It made me think that the next stage of my life is going to differ from the first . I need to expand my vision of  purpose and grow my family and my community . I need to serve in various ways and need to put more pen to paper and allow more music in my heart.
In many ways 2014 broke me open. I am certain that there will be plenty of harder years ahead for me that will break me open again and again and again. For me harder than being broken open myself is to watch the people i love being broken open themselves .

This book allowed me to as i turned the last page softly look at my husband and say with caring and forgiveness " what you did last night hurt me . Alot . And it made me feel that i was not valued " i did not scream  or use sarcasm or anger or resentment . I used my true and my reality and shared it with him as a gift . I did not ask for answers and received his gentle embrace .
It felt good to be broken open together

And i always hope to be one of those people who finds purpose and perspective on any hard situation . It for me defines a person and earns great respect. It's the  only thing we can do that  really seprates the strong people from the weaker souls in this world

Last night i randomly got an email from one of my  past professional mentors who really transformed my life . He asked how a particular situation in my life was going that he had been aware of in 2014 . When i described it and the way it is with challenges  and obstacles and great and beautiful parts but so many hards parts he wrote back and simply said :

" Worth it!"

For some reason those particular words felt so good to hear - more powerful than any  others i have heard - felt like someone telling me to keep on going . Commanding me to in some ways. I felt taken care of and listened to, supported and acknowledged . Respected and recognized and driving us to keep on going.

I felt like he got that we were broken open and put right back together .

Its incredible how much power can lie in two simple words offered straight from one heart to another .