Monday, February 29, 2016

Pot???????? No way!!!!

When Chase turned 18 yrs old, Hubby and I often have discussed since that moment a couple of months ago that we have been lucky. Lucky that we did not have big teen issues with him as we had always expected to have. We had all the little annoying stuff and still do all the time (disrespectful, totally messy, chaotic, drops classes, doesn’t listen, forgets critical things that we have asked him to do, runs out of money, goes clubbing until all hours of the nights, drinks alcohols, experiments etc..)

But what we have not had are the big stuff. He comes home when he says he will (even if he negotiates that time to be 3:30am) he is where he says he is, he is respectful to our family life most days of the week, loves his family, gains useful employment and generally respect the rules (could also be that as of 16 yrs  old  don’t have too many!!!)

Well our opinion changed (for a few hrs) two weeks ago.

I had been reading a blog that morning on my break from my work to relax me. Well it did not relax me at all. It was a very honest gut wrenching  blog from a very well know blogger and famous author of parenting books that her  now 21 yr. old son is and their family are going public on the drug addiction of their son who they found out has struggled with this since the age of 15 yrs. and had hidden it. This is the model of the picture perfect family it seemed –highly religious, highly family oriented, hardly allowed TV into their house or rude video games, high love and security and devotion, church going abiding kids who seemed to be endlessly happy. And now at 21 he is in recovery and coming out into the world with his message. These both humbled me, and also depressed me. I admire the son, the mother to so many degrees and their honestly was so admirable, but I was also seized by fear in so many ways. If it could happen to them-it could happen to anyone!

Anyways that afternoon probably for the second time in my life I craved chocolate (I don’t usually crave sweets on a weekday) so I innocently went into e kids rooms to find (steal)  some. On Bear’s desk there was some but don’t like the brand-next to Chase’s room and opened his bedside drawer and sifted through.
I see a big bag of what looks like earth or some weird dust or something. Weird!
Kind of bothers me on some unconscious levels somewhere back in my brain but quickly put it away, took the chocolate and try and forget about it.
Forgetting about it doesn’t happen so easily

Two hrs later I have sort of succeeded and hubby writes a text:

How are you?
Down I guess
I hate Mondays and I also found a bag of earth or dust in Chase room?
What??? Take a picture and send it to me!!!
Ok (send pic)
Hubby: I am coming home

Hubby comes home and by this time I am in a full on panic. I have never seen or taken drugs in my entire life and have no idea what they look like. I am sure sure sure that Hubby will say it is something else. But I am looking at his face and in a big panic as his face is not looking reassured.

 Hubby: This is earth
Me: Oh thank God!! I thought maybe it was drugs
Hubby: there is a piece of tape attached sealing the bag and on it there are seven seeds
Me: why would there be seeds?
Hubby: looks like our son is growing pot in his room


Serious full on panic. (me crying and hysteria too) We look on internet and Hubby says that yes pot as the seeds all match. We tear apart his room and his mattress and anything else to find something else. Nothing.

We text our son in the middle of CEGEP classes and say to call us immediately. He says he cannot as watching a movie in class that is an exam. We tell him to hell with the movie and to leave class (in my mind he is not going to Cegep anymore anyways but back to private school or maybe evenly jail so I really don’t care if he misses an exam).
He doesn’t leave and says he can’t. He is freaking out and worried someone died. I tell him nobody died and everyone is safe (except for him)

He calls 7 mins later. We put him on speaker phone:

Us: We are in your room and both home from work
Him: ok..why?
Us: We found something. Any idea what it is?
Him: No. What?
Us: Earth in your nightstand with seeds to grow
Him: ya ok?
Us: Ya ok???????????????????? Are you fucking crazy? You are growing weed! And probably selling it too????
Him: (feels like a lifetime of  (guilty)silence. Guys are you stupid??? That is my Humanities project in my food class. I am growing  CHIA seeds! I will send you the course outline if you want to prove it!
Us: oh thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Him: OMG you are so so stupid. Did you really think I would grow pot in my room by my bed? . Can I go back to class now????

Us- Ok bye. Sorry??

And then we don’t know whether to laugh or cry. The laughing came later. For the moment we were too humiliated. Hubby was so so angry at me and said I made too big a deal out of it by calling him in class and telling husband at work!  (pls husband you are the one who cannt tell the difference between pot a a chia seed whatever the hell those are!) He said we ruined our trust forever with our son. We both wrote him long texts (after class) apologizing and begging for his forgiveness in doubting him

Chase clearly and with good reason,  did not respond and ignored us the rest of the afternoon

At 5pm I wrote him a text and bribed him a little. “Hey Chase you know this morning when you asked for the car-well I am cancelling my plans and letting you have it tonight. I am also picking you up from school too. I feel soooo bad for not trusting my guy. Forgive me?

He took the lift and kind of forgave us. He kind of hugged me and by end of the drive we both laughed.
The next night at the dinner table we really really laughed.
This story will go down in our family history

And the best part is he never seemed too mad that we had torn part his room, not trusted him and confronted him on something he did and would likely never do.
I could tell by his face that he knew that we did it out of love and that if he was a parent he would have done the same. We are always on the same page as this kid…and that is what makes our relationship with his so easy and so beautiful; we screw up (or he does) and we make up. We forgive and move on-to the next difficult (or beautiful) thing about to happen. I thank God daily that this kid was given to us to care for and to learn from and to teach. And also be a great example to his younger siblings.

And PS-so I still don’t know what weed looks like!!!!!! Maybe we need to take our adult buddies up on their offer to play poker and smoke pot together one evening before we are too old!!!