I used to for many things in my life think I could do it - then want to do it - then actually do it.
I used to believe that I had to have the ability to do something and then need the motivation to do it before I could successfully do it . For this adventure I did it all backwards . I actually started by doing it and then let my confidence and motivation follow .
It's been a big life lesson :
I learned it's not easier said than done
It's easier done than said .
This experience was so very rich and powerful and hard to explain or articulate . It was filled with so so much and yet so very little .
I am not going to say a whole lot on this blog . My detailed travel journal and pics will be posted very shortly . A few things I can say for sure :
I am sooooo happy I did this
I am so glad if is over
I am so so so proud of myself
I will remember this experience in detail forever
I think I just might be crazy
This might of been the most courageous thing I will ever willingly do in my life
I came here to :
Get out of my comfort zone ( check ! )
Feel one with nature ( done ! )
Challenge myself mentally ( done ! )
Challenge myself physically ( done ! )
Stretch my skills socially ( done ! )
Learn more about myself ( done ! )
Appreciate totally what I have back home (done ! )
Lose some pounds and be more fit and gain a new relationship with food and excercise ( done! )
Disconnect completely from my regular life ( done ! )
See if I could integrate into a group well of people totally different than I and speak my second language 24/7 ( done ! )
Find out some truths or secrets that were haunting me ( done ! )
Let go of some stuff for good and release them (done ! )
Living out here a group of 7 people in one of the most beautiful parts of the world in complete autonomy with three guides and kayaking 70 km was an intense and life changing experience . The fact we had to have three guides for 7 people shows how hard and difficult this was as an expedition - and we still did a lot ourselves like putting up tents and packing kayaks and unpacking and doing dishes etc . Imagine
It was easier than I thought in a lot of ways and a lot harder in some ways too .
It was incredible to partner with nature in such an intense and intimate way . We went through massive waves and calm seas , had nights of complete silence and others with hurricane like wind storms . We experienced just about everything in those 10 days .
We totally roughed it and packed and unpacked many hours each day . I never slept in a tent and slept outside on 6 different beaches each night under many conditions with much wildlife and insects . I was never connected to technology and nearly died of heat every moment of every day and night . I swam with sea otters and thousands of fishs . I saw sleep in a totally different way and nature became my master . I didn't look in a mirror and had sand and salt on me every hour of the day and night . Food became a different partner for me and was only to sustain me . Water became everything in hot hot temperatures that I could barely think of getting down my throat but had no choice . I slept under beautiful stars and woke up to the sun rising . Each wave and sound of the ocean amazed me and each day was full of wonder . My back hurt , my stomach growled and felt sick many times but my heart stayed full . My head had to be on straight at all times to survive this experience and I could barely think of anything else but getting through the day ahead . For the first time in my life I barely thought of my family or my work as survival was the only thing on my mind . This was not for the faint of heart - not at all . I threw up 8 times in the bushes alone and didn't tell anybody . I had one big meltdown ( we all had at least one ) and besides that was happy and sane mostly and in awe 24/7 that I could sleep with crabs and insects and earwigs and Kayotes surrounding me and snakes and scorpions and whales and sharks not too far away .
I made friends for purpose on this trip . I cried and I laughed . I suffered and felt tremendous joy . I felt bored and invigorated . All simultaneously many times a day and all changing within moments often . I existed on adrenaline and hope .
Most of all ? I felt peace . Peace !! Even here imagine ?
This year I have found the sun I have always been searching for my entire life . And not just here in the oceans and seas and islands of Cortez
Inside of ME ...
If 2014 nearly killed me - 2017 has saved me . Eventhough it started out very rocky yet again -from that experience I was able to make decisions of what I want and need in my life and I will never look back . I am solid in this . Cortez consolidated it . The ocean validated me . This trip was a finale of sorts of the last few years which have been much much harder for me than the 10 survival days I have just spent .
These last few years have equipped me a whole lot of "V" and peace as a new foundation and serenity in my heart and a large suitcase to conquer whatever may come my way . I go to sleep at night now not hoping for no problems at all - but hoping the ones I get given can be problems that I will have the grace, dignity , strength and integrity to solve strategically and deliberately
I am now that mermaid of the seas . Fearless in so many ways and so very vulnerable in so many others . A mermaid of the sea of sunshine sunshine and salt
Cortez was just the finale of a very long search for the sun inside of me that has always been there . I knew this trip was needed for me and I was right
One bodyguard bouncer , one warm embrace , one secret , one discovery , one confidante , one tear , one smile , one forgiveness and one day at a time . One with nature through and through . I know nature is my haven and always has been .
Knowing with certainty that every path of my life and every decision led me to where I spent the last 10 days ..: and equally led me back home . To those I get to call mine .
It was especially hard for me to leave at this time with one of my BFFs recovering from a major surgery and another BFF who lost her dad whom I have loved all my life who's memorial was held while I was away
Thanks to all who supported me in this adventure whether through kind words , kind thoughts , kind donations , kind actions and overall just being part of it with me and sharing the excitement of my adventure . I know how very blessed I am to have such a strong community in my life and I am very grateful for this and to be held and hold you all .
With much love and profound appreciation always .
" It's easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting " ( Some thoughts theories compliments of The Happiness Equation )
Now I just go forward
Just do it .