Friday, November 10, 2017

Cried of Joy

I am not sure if I have ever  done this before in my life ?
Maybe when got married walking down the aisle ( but maybe fear ? )Or when babies born ( combination of joy and fear and being overwhelmed? )

But last night for about 1 full minute in bed  as I tried to fall asleep I just cried of joy . Because of my beautiful wonderful amazing daughter .

She got me . I got her. Yay !!!!

It's like I was there in bed with a big smile on my face and a huge big secret in my heart . This is what I dreamt  of my whole life when dreaming of having a girl ; these kind of moments of inexplicable joy and closeness .

And I have had some moments like this for sure before  with her but not nearly  enough .  And for years I have not given up no matter how much she tries her hardest to push me away and I never cave in . Never . I never ever ever gave up on her and I most certainly never will .
I am her rock . I need to be strong for her .

Last night we were going to sleep early after finalizing packing for Turks and Caicos and hubby and I were just lying in bed . She came into our bed and spent a long while there just talking and cuddling and hugging and even truly crying she wasn't coming with us . And very sad we were leaving and how much she would miss us .
And not just her dad .
Me !!! Me !!!!
Like in a big big way . Like huge hugs and love  and sincerity and empathy and love and kindness . And even tears . Because she was missing us ??? 
Omg . Miracle 
This was one of best moments of my life .   Maybe even the best . For real 

In that moment I saw everything so clearly . Like the past and the present and the future . Especially the future . Of the moments she and I will share . The special ones and the harder ones . The graduation and the wedding and the babies and the Sunday dinners . I always saw it all and knew it was there but this time I felt it in deep places 
We connected in a way that built a bridge between us and we will never go back . Never 
I saw her and she fully saw me . She felt me and felt for me . She was in that moment so incredibly and blissfully happy to be mine 
She understood just how much I adore her and always have 
She got that She is totally worth fighting for 
It was love at its finest moment And went on a very long time .
And made me not want to leave on vacation or leave her
Seriously I would have given up these two weeks at the beach to just hold on to all of that 

Chase joined in too in bed for a long while and then Bear .  My babies . These three kids are honestly my heart and soul . I am not prouder of anything in my life . It was all there in that bed saying goodbye last night ( ps  we travel a lot and usually it's a simple " love you ! Have a great time ! And big hugs )

Teens can be so hard and annoying but in a way it’s a myth as so much more of the time they are fun and nice and so cool to be around

(Won't even talk about the sweetness of the boys in this blog today as I have talked about them many many times  before - They were so sweet and kind too )

This blog is about Her 

Somehow we got to her  . Especially her . I  worked my butt  off to get where we are today . Last night I cried of joy . And I have never done that before . It felt amazing . 
I am completely and utterly and wonderfully in love with my girl . I seriously must have dreamed her to life many many years ago . 

She is a true Beauty inside and out . I adore seeing her grow into the girl and woman she is and  will become . It is a massive honour and privilege that I will never take for granted 

Love you forever and a day my darling Renesemee  . Thank you so very very much .