Racoons....boat scandals....patience

It is obvious I have a big history with racoons. This is a fact. But this week at 2:30am topped the cake.

As usual Hubby and I fell asleep watching Lost on the outside bali bed. That night we were lazy and did not do up the screens of the gazebo. (you may be wondering how we have so much relaxation time to watch TV and cuddle all the time? Well answer is we start relaxing at 11:30pm and go to bed very very late. We chose life instead of sleep much of the time –not highly recommended for health but great for couples life!)

I wake up to the worst sound of my life –two raccoons about 6 feet away from us screeching and crying and screaming-I have never heard such sounds in my life. It sounded like two racoons were ripping each other part and we was screed to move an inch as I am sure we were the next meal. We freeze. Then we look with a flashlight and one racoon has fallen into our pool and the other one is trying to get him out and in a panic (and trust me we were not helping and getting near these panicked animals!!!!!) After 5 mins one racoon got the other out and we were free to move…but man oh man it was like a bad horror movie.

No matter what I do-racoons follow me everywhere. I can’t hide. It’s hard to fall asleep back in your bed at 3am when you have these sounds in your memory. Especially when the alarm is ringing at 6 is anyways. So I just stay up all night after that and do my to do list.

Then this weekend Hubby and I take a nice boat ride to the public marina and park boat to go out for lunch and we see a big family whom have just rented a boat for the day getting out onto the lake at the marina. They already had drawn a lot of attention from many onlookers as Hasidic Jewish family with many kids and dressed on a sweltering hot day of course in the religious uniform that Hasidic Jews wear. They were quite a sight on that boat as rare to see a family doing such a sport in such hot weather dressed as they were.

They were learning to drive the boat and simultaneously praying and simultaneously teaching their kids some English lessons about life and the world. It was quite a sight!!! The Dad pronounced he takes every opportunity to teach his children and I believed him! (I secretly felt a bit sorry for this kids as must be nice one in a while to just take a break and enjoy the sun and stop learning—but of course kept my opinions to myself and just happily watched them go about their excursions).

Until I saw the man actually drives the boat!!!! Driving would not be the accurate word actually. I was scared for my life in my boat as he was right beside us!!!! He had no clue of back or front or stop or go and juts widely smashed into am hung next to him (docks , other boats, anything with the infortune of being near his boat) at a very high speed in a small marina!!!!! We were all in shock. After he damaged his boat and the docks the marina renter guys said they were holding the deposits for all the damages but yet still let him take the daily our for a boat river. The guys was looking around so confused and still praying away with his family and totally oblivious!!!!!  All his kids started kind of yelling in soft voices and their hats were flying off.

It really was one off the oddest things I have seen in my lifetime. On their way out after nearly killing me and crashing our boat they happily waved to me and I waved back with a smile. They were a sweet family despite their skills (or lack of therof!).They put a smile on my face.

Life can be funny.

And then Friday night we took a night off Hubby and me at cottage. Beauty was sleeping at a friend’s house and Bear in Ottawa at Nationals and so chase was home alone a Friday night (rare we do this on a weekend) He asked permission to be two couples at the pool and have a mini pool party night. We have never allowed this before when not there, but kind of hard when one is a lifeguard to say not safe! He made me all the usual promises, no alcohol, no drug, no going up to the bedrooms (all the things I used to try to pull at his age) and he had a great and safe and good night (with a random check in from didi a couple of times)

At 10pm he calls and wants to know how to put on Jacuzzi as girls wanted to go in of course and putting on this takes about 20 steps. Hubby sits there on phone and patiently describes it step by step and then at 11pm he calls back to turn it off and Hubby describes it calmly and patiently again.

This hits me suddenly how much utter patience my man has. It is a true strength. Rarely gets ruffled or annoyed or irritated to upset. It is a quality I really admire given that I would have said “Just forget Jacuzzi to complicated” or if I did tell him my voice would have an edge to it after the third of 20 stepsI sat there juts in awe of my husband and felt so proud to be married to him. Maybe one day his patience will rub off on me. I am still waiting.

These few events were on my mind all week and had to write them down. To share and remember the awe that life gives me.

Last night we went to my aunt’s 50t in Ottawa. Drove there and back same evening-pretty wild ride and party. We got back at 3am! Today is a rare day at home (vs the cottage on weekend) and it feels good. Sun, pool, watching Beauty do synro routines. A daughter dad outing to Costco and homemade pad tahi for the first time for dinner.

I hope all my blog readers are having a Happy SundayJ

School Daze (not a typo)

I have been awake since 5am this morning even though the first day of school starts a little later and my alarm was set for 7:30a,m. My mind is spinning and I am not even the one going to school today (although I am driving all the kids and their friends).

School has begun around here.

Last night (I kid you not) besides our one weeks summer vacation was about the third night in all the summer where were had the five of us at the dinner table without other people there, justus. And after dinner our family night consisted of alignment on chores and allowance and schedules and expectations.

We were all not so happy to be back to this routine.

Part of routine comforts me as I know I will get more work done, and exercise and eat better and get to bed earlier. And part of routine just kills my summer soul. I feel like it is a sad and long goodbye to freedom, and spontaneity and indulgence.

And it is a fact that our kids are getting older. Their ideas are growing, their preferences, and their choices. Mama is not so much in control anymore.

Bear last night (night before school and night after kayak registration was over ) that he wants to be an ELITE canoe competition. Makes sense as really upped his game this summer and now provincially qualified-but to tell me this the night before. Affects all; our schools and he is even considering moving to the Sport Elite program where the sport becomes the center of their lives (as opposed to the sports program he is now where they learn 50 sports over the 5 yrs.)

All TBD with him.

Chase started Cegep Monday. Whole new world. No bedtimes, totally different schedules, can I have the car as have a break for three hours days, no homework schedule that we know of, English public educations which is totally different. He is doing well. Announced last night that he introduced himself to every teacher after class and engaged in many economic and stock market discussions with them. Wow. Raising a cegep student is not really rising anymore-it like watching all the fruits of your labor bloom. Or wilt too in some areas (aka we are leaving him on his own to figure it all out as that means lists of loose-leaf paper scattered around the house, no books yet, no school supplies I am aware of) We are firm believers in letting kids grow up and find their way at appropriate ages. This is the age!

And Beauty clear as a whistle on that she wants dance dance and dance . Besides the already intensive curriculum she holds daily in dance and the mandates afterschool dance she wants more and more and more. Hip Hop this year will be added to mix, auditions, team’s maybe competitions. Lifeguarding courses were in the plan-but she decided that has to be dance. She is raring to go. Back in full day brace after a nice break for summer and had it adjusted, more doctors, more apt and last night I thought she would be an emotional wreck from all of this bracing and doctoes.Turns out she was fine. (Last night anyways) The girl never fails to surprise me. And our texts back and forth? Have taken on a whole new quiet. Sarcastic, witty, very very adolescent like-in a good way. And as got to school this morning realized the uniformed girl’s skirts getting shorter and shorter. I am realizing no point getting on my daughter’s back about it…hers is longer than most and is still teeny weeny

It’s going to be a good year. I can feel it. But also an extremely busy one too. As in really really busy. This age is no walk in the park-I compare it to the 0-5 yrs old stage. Demanding, busy, nothing predictable. Those middle school years 5-12 are long gone around here and the stability that came with it and the control we have over decisions as parents at that age.

I feel very blessed right now that I am doing the work I am doing. Going so well and crazy busy and intellectully stimulating and challenging for me-but I can also be there for the kids when I decide to here and there for a first day of school snack, or a kayak carpool, or a special lunch with my mom to recount the Weeks’s events.

I decide. Fully.

And I never realised how amazing of a feeling that really is. If this can stay profitble and interesting and I get to decide? Wow. Bring it on. 2015-2016 will be a big year for us all as we find our way.

And as for travel and next summer vacations? (you all know I am a big long terms planner) I am not sure that travelling as a family and summer vacation (even a week) will ever happen again!!!!!! Unless they all miss 5 days of school. Different calendars, competitions levels activities, part time jobs.

People told me for years this would happen as soon as kids start working-I didn’t really believe them. I do now. Trust me.

I am grateful for all those years we took the time as a family. Fought for it. Lost possible promotions and clients over it. Protected it. Because now? It will still happen but a lot less easily and a lot less often.

Here are my “babies”. They will always be babies to me really. Our babies (nothing makes me prouder than our joint parenting together for almost 18 yrs now. We made it!!!!

Chase 17,5 yrs. !st year CEGEP. No uniform (or shoes!!!) How can a person study wearing regular clothes!!! LOL

 

Bear 15,5 yrs Sec 4 . Love this look:)

Beauty 13.5 yrs Sec 2-she is so organized and ready:)

Provincials, Wisdom teeth and ETC.

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Last weekend we spent 2 days and nights in Shawinigan Quebec for the kayak canoe provincials. Bear has gotten really good in two and  four person canoe and war canoe and qualified for these races.  He ended up coming in 5^th, 6^th and 8^th in Quebec! Yahoo! And he is going to the Nationals next week for two days and competing in war canoe. He is even missing the third day of school to do so.

It was an adventurous weekend to be there and watching him. We brought our boat “Five @ Sea” with us from the cottage and so had a good view of the starting line at least. It was soooooo hot so very glad we were on boat a good part of the time. We also volunteered the second day both of us and went to the team dinner. It was incredibly cool to see Bear in action on the lake-at this levels these teams are incredibly serious and athletic (train everyday twice a day and first practice early morning that Bear attends daily all summer when in city). We were very proud of our guy!

We also had Beauty and her great friend ((livvy bum-bum is her nickname from us all-god knows why juts sounds so cute!!) with us all weekend. Have known livvy forever and part of famous 5 (of course)..And they made us laugh and pee our pants all weekend. God that duo is funny!! They rotated between watching races and being on boat with us and spending time alone at hotel by the pool, and going out for lunch and ice-cream together and doing their hair all pretty to jump in the lake mines later as was so hot. It was a great weekend. Was funny to see their reactions in the cheap hotel we stayed in the first night. They covered the bed in towels and prayed. They were thrilled with a bit of the luxury of the second night. Nothing like a cheap motel to make them grateful for their blessings!

We made delicious lunches to take on the boat (cranberry chicken salad and cucumbers) and went out for a fabulous meal on Sunday when Bear was done. Also the best ice-cream ever in sparkly cones. It was a great way to spend a weekend and we loved having the girls with us to hang out with.

The next morning Bear had major dental surgery. Four impacted wisdom teeth extracted was no walk in the park! Now 5 days later still in pain and very swollen but at least back to activity and life. What an ordeal. I will post some crazy pics later this week-the swelling makes him look 400 lbs-even adults could not stop laughing! He was soooo high after the surgery on the effects of twilight and he taped himself on video as a selfie for 32 mies. I am so glad I was with him-it was quite a day and actually very bonding to experience this with him. And he was home for three days doing nothing and in lots of pain. Now he is doing much better but still on heavy meds, swollen and lots of pain killers and hot compresses every couple of hours.

This weekend we have 4 boys with us for end of year bash at Trent. Beauty was invited to friends for the weekend and they sent me a pic of a gorgeous cake they made that took all day. A really nice weather weekend here and so lots of boating and floating and swimming and our usual cooking. Have to admit we are all getting a little tired of the cooking after so many meals made. Hubby makes them but I plan and shop for them all and clean up after them. Tonight is homeade poutine and maple rubbed hamburgers and vanilla cupcakes. We are tired. I have decided that for the next two weeks we are going to eat all our frozen stuff that we packed up and froze for summer. I think Hubby is truly all cooked out. He looks tired.

School starts Monday for Chase. CEGEP (college in places other than Quebec). I am so happy I don’t have kids going away to college –we are all so not ready for that stage. So much more living to do under the same roof.

Bear and Beauty start Wednesday. 

But summer is still on strong. Next week in Ottawa for Aunt’s 50^th b-day party extravaganza and picking up Bear from Nationals. The next weekend a big wedding where Hubby giving the speech of honour and all friends come back to Trent to sleep and then hosting after wedding brunch. Will be a big couple of weekends. Also with my increased flexibility at work taking days off here and there to enjoy life (this part I adore)

And work is BUSY. I keep thinking beginners luck. But maybe I am just in demand? Hard to imagine all of this has happened so quickly. So far enjoying it..alot. I feel intellectually stimulated in a very good way. Clients hiring me for things I did not even know I was doing..very cool stuff.

Had an amazing evening the other night by the lake with Soulkeeper for hours and hours under the warm air at five Indian resto and ice-cream on boardwalk. One of my fave nights of summer-nothing like getting together the two of us and talking about everything under the sun.

I feel good this weekend despite a rocky time last week. Back to a good place. Where we belong.

I love summer and everything it brings. And with two of us now having some flexibility at work-it feels  more luscious somehow. Like we are not missing out on life so much. Still working our butts off-but on our schedules.

Life is good.

I wish this post could have said ..Phew

I remember a week ago the night before the appt…imagining in my head would I would write in my head after the appt on this blog.

It would have read” Phew…everything is good. We are safe. She is safe”

Not much more than that. It would have been self-explanatory and enough said.

Unfortunately I cannot write that simple post.

It’s a lot more complicated than that.

Beauty had her dreaded scoliosis x-rays and appt with the orthopedic surgeon. Almost routine by now after so many visits to hospitals, brace fittings, doctors, X-rays. This is part of our regular life. We both go to all appt. It’s a routine.

This was the first appt where I was not in a full on anxiety mode before the appt asking people to pray for us and touching lucky spots for wishes. We felt safe. Her last appt and x-rays 6 months ago her curve was stable at 35 degrees (not that a 35 degree deformity of the spine is good or easy but it is better than the surgical 40) the curve was stable. She was 11 months post menses and already 5’4.We felt safe. So did the surgeon.

As I entered at hospital the usual anxiety took over, the heavy breathing, the quickened heartbeat, the sweating, the fights with Beauty who of course is living her own version of hell entering that place. The unknown of what is to come. But still we all felt safe. My husband was as calm and cool as a cucumber of course.

She takes the x-rays …hard to think of the amount of radiation that has been put into my beautiful daughter’s body over the last two years…and we wait.

The surgeon walks in with three medical students and a nurse. Not a good sign.

“Things are ok, but have progressed. She has grown 2 inches so not surprising, but I would have estimated she would have been stable. We will decide what to do in 6 months”

???????????????????????????????????????????

Then I ask the question.

“What is her curvature number?”

“It doesn’t matter-numbers mean nothing.”

I insisted. “I need to know the number”

“She is 40 now.”

And I lose it. Right there and then in front of the surgeon and his annoying medical team. In front of my husband.

Most importantly in front of my petrified and scared and beautiful broken daughter.

I lose it for the number 40. The scary number in scoliosis. The number you never ever want to reach. Where surgeons operate and put broomsticks in your child’s back. Where your child undergoes the second most dangerous surgery of mankind. Where your child is off 3 months of school in pain . Where she cannot do any physical activity for a year. And for a lifetime who even knows what happens?

I keep crying and he says he is optimistic. More than the news heard I am upset of my reaction. How can a mother be this bad, and uncaring and weak and unthoughtful? I will never ever forgive myself for these moments (hours). I damaged my daughter.

And I could not control it as hard as I tried.

The surgeon went on to explain that he was hopeful and optimistic and that he doesn’t think she will require surgery but we will see in 6 months where it is all at. We will wait…again.

I asked him if our daughter could leave the room as wanted to ask him more.

He said no. at 13yrs old  she is his patient and has to stay and hear it all and is ultimately the one making a decision.

He went on to explain that she is no longer a candidate for the simpler less invasive surgery (which trust me is no cup of team in itself!). If she needs surgery it will be the full on life changing spinal fusion. But he is hopeful and optimistic and will see us in 6 months.

And he and his team left the room.

I kept crying. And crying and crying all the way home.

I was not strong for the person who needed it the most. I collapsed. I had hit my limit of self composure. I had enough.

Sure on the way home my husband explained my reaction and I attempted to also through tears-but nothing would be enough to make my reaction ok.

Sure when we got home my mom called Beauty and explained that I was traumatized as a kid by so many hospital visits and medical issues (hip displacia and brace as a young infant and toddler) that this was an unconcious reaction. Sure I explained that having a sick Dad all my life traumatized me and made me react like this to medial news. But never ever would this be enough. Never.

Our daughter is one of the most resilient mentally and physically people I know. I scared her that day.\

I was not there for her in her time of need.

I apologized, I begged her pardon and  kissed and hugged me and told me she understood. She was gracious and understanding (a small miracle in itself)After a few hours I got back to rational and normal and action focused and a good mother. But for me? That was too late.

Now we are back to hopeful and optimistic and ignoring google and website and studies.

We  are happily living life and trying to repress the wait of the next 6 months. I would almost say we are coping very well all of us. Hoping for the best.

Beauty is doing well. Her parents a little less well.

The next 6 months will be hard for her as we were supposed to decrease the day brace in hours and maintain the night brace as usual. Now we will up the day brace to the maximum hours and keep the night brace. The older she gets the harder this all becomes. I don’t have to explain that an almost 14 year old beautiful girl does not want to wear a brace. One who wants to be free...and in how so many ways is in prison in her own body.

People around me tend to think its ok. That it is not that hard. That it looks fairly comfortable? That it’s an obstacle but she will be just fine. We as her parents try to tell ourselves the same thing.

But the reality is our daughter ,may have worn a brace 20 yrs. a day constricting her, hurting her, causing her bruises on her pressures points, not being able to take a deep breaths properly as the brace constricts. And then end up with spinal fusion surgery after all of this.

And that is the reality. And the reality sucks.

Of course I will make it all beautiful. Of course I will. I am back to trying to strive for the mother of the year award, I am strong and capable and strong and resilient.

And so is she.

But in my heart? I am tired of having to make crappy things beautiful.

We are all tired.

I just wanted to say “Phew…”

I am alive!

I think this is the longest I have not posted.

So sorry..I am busy living life:)

Speaks to the abundance of life I have been living in the last couple of weeks including a not so great scoliosis apt for my girl, major dental surgery for my boy, school starting next week and unprecedented and unexpected lots of business for my business.

Combine that all with normal life and REALLY hot weather that begs nightly to be swum in be boated in and enjoyed.

I am not sure I have ever been so busy. Goods busy on many levels.

And the sucky parts? We are coping well. Getting pretty used to them.

Will be back as soon as I can!!!!

I am expecting on weekend will post in between a pile of kids at the cottage since our back to school annual bash up there.

22 Heavenly Days

We are finishing tomorrow 22 days of vacation. We have been taking this amount of vacation for a number of years now in the summer at the cottage-and we know we are blessed to be able to do so. It for us really motivates us to work very hard the rest of the year to be able to do this in the summer. With the kid’s jobs and schedules now this was likely the last summer our vacation will be three weeks in a row like this-so it was even more bittersweet.

Here is a summary of our:

1-alone 6 days

2- Family of Five- 9 days

3-Beauty and BFF and Hubby and I- 5 days

5-Family of Five (and Daphne) 2 day  weekend Finale

Our vacation:

We had 66 meals (22 protein shakes for breakfast….6 meals out…45 home cooked meals.

We went to the grocery store 7 times

We slept on bail bed on dock 7 times (and girls 2 times)

We went to bed before 12:30am 0 (zero) times

We got up before 8am 0 (zero) times

We woke up at 9:45am 18 times

We completed 3 big puzzles (the girls did anyways!)

We watched 8 movies and 3 documentaries

We had 2 bonfires

We did fireworks in backyard 1 time

We sailed 8 times

We had 6 gorgeous weather days/6 horrible weather days/ and 10 very average so-so days with lots of clouds but moderately warm enough

We had 1one big fight with one child and 1 amazing make up discussion

We ate dessert 2 times per day

(I don’t even want to estimate the pounds we collectively packed on bc I might get very very scared as no scale here)

We read 12 books

We had 100’s of hugs between us all

I read 0 (zero) email for the first 20 days

We had 8 Jacuzzis (and the girls had many more than that)

We took 1 long bike ride

We saw friends 2 times

Hubby and I spent 15 hrs separately

We had 1 massage

We played word games 3 times

We planned 1 trip for the future

We were sick 0 (zero) times

We drank 32 litres of milk

We watched Lost 21 days

We watched 28 episodes of Lost

We worried about real life back at home 0 (zero) times

We made 13 dr apt for our and us in the month of August (wisdom teeth surgery, podiatrist in grown toenail, 3 apt scoliosis x-rays etc., orthotics feet, ADD follow-ups, chiro etc..etc..etc..

We had 10 headaches or backaches

We had 1 tons of treats night

We had 1 master chef pizza contest

We had 3 paddleboat rides and 8 kayak rides

We had dozens of boat rides

We did 7 loads of laundry

I lost my temper 1 major time at the kids as a whole gang and 1 time individually at one of them

I expressed gratitude 22 mornings

I set my intention for the day 22 mornings

I prayed 5 times

I forgave someone 1 time

I decided on 1 thing I want to get much better at in a friendship

I decided on 1 thing I want to get better at in my marriage

Our kids grew 14 inches since last summer vacation

We thoroughly enjoyed and relaxed for 22 days

We are counting the 352 days before we come back for our next summer vacation here again.

Adoration

We have had the absolute pleasure this whole week to host Beauty’s BFF (aka: Vanilla Bean2 (VB) at Trent.

And I think my favorite part of this week has been watching these two together. They have been super good friends (part of the famous gang of 5) since kindergarten but as of about 3 years ago their friendship hit a whole new level and they have been inseparable ever since specifically the two of them. I have always admired and loved watching the friendship between them, but this week gave me an even better chance to watch them in action.

There is no other real way to describe it than the word “Adoration” From both sides. They simply adore each other in every way possible. I have never seen two faces light up more than from their togetherness.

Their friendship is like a beautiful symphony-it is like every friend I have and every friendship I have and all its most splendid parts wrapped up into one perfect package. I am not sure I have ever been witness to a friendship as pure and as complete as this one.

They never ever get tired of each other. It’s almost like they need no space from each other and don’t need anyone else. Not once have they taken even a moment alone all week and I have very rarely seen them text or chat with any other friends (and they have many many others!). It made me realize that probably 95% of the time Beauty is testing or chatting it is with VB as with her here, Beauty has no interest in the phone or technology or anything else. Everything she needs is right in front of her.

They are so physical together too which is so unique to that stage of life as girls who are best friends. Constantly cuddling, holding, tickling, touching eachothers faces. It is so adorable to watch

Then there is the teasing-the banter that goes back and forth-the gentle teasing.

Then the shared interests-did three 750 piece puzzles while here, the constant music in the background, the dancing (of course), the love of making frozen drinks and bearing fruit and eating candy. Despite their shared fear of spiders they slept out on dock on bali bed two nights in a row. They also both go to bed super late and both wake up super late too.

Both totally athletic and sporty. Golf the two of them nine holes, wakeboarding, waterskiing, trampoline scary tumbling and flips.

They totally bring out the best in each other and both build each other up so much. They are good girls.

We had an amazing week together full of really crap weather (old, windy, rain, storms) bundled up in hoodies and sweaters most the time. But we had a total blast anyways. Went to la luge and tremblant for dinner, out to a delicious lunch in our little village, girls played golf, went boating many times despite the bad weather and mostly sat under the tarp in the rain, made delicious lunches and dinners, watched three full movies that I bawled in because the kid was dying of cancer, we sailed together, played many word games together, had a fancy raclette night, had a super bonfire a la trivial pursuit. Laughed a ton. It was a super week and tonight at 8:00pm we will be sad to see VB2 go. VB1 will miss her. I have called them the Vanilla Beans for a few years nowJ

What I have liked most about watching this friendship this week is knowing …how completely safe and adored my daughter is. That  a friend in the world loves her to such a degree is so beautiful and comforting for me.  We also talked a lot about their values about teenage stuff (drugs, smoking etc) and had some great conversations. Beauty is in good company-they share many of the same goals and values. These two are natural leaders and hopefully will set the anti- drug pace amongst their peers that they feel so strongly about.

This week Beauty and I were also the closest we have been in our lives. Playful, affectionate, respectful. It has not always been an easy road for the two of us-and this week was a complete and wonderful gift for me as her mama and I shall not forget it easily. It was worth every slice of sunshine we sacrificed (although would have been nice to have both!!!) I am not sure where this unexpected show of affection and love came from this week from Beauty-(nor am I yet convinced it will stick around)-but it feels wonderful for the moment. I feel like a part of myself is back home. Where it needs to be.

I love how bonded Hubby is too to all our kids friends-it is something in our marriage we are so proud of the way that we are bonded (both) to the people our kid’s chose to love. It is an important part of who we are. Our kids friends know that are kids are “package deals” . If you know them..you know and are close to us.

We love you Vanilla Beans and had such a lovely week. Hopefully we can keep up this tradition each summer as with two older boys gone are the days of more than one family week of vacation anyways. Tonight we bring Vanilla Bean 2 home and pick up both of our boys for the end of the vacation for the weekend. Then Chase’s girlfriend come up Saturday night and Sunday and we head home late Sunday night. Back to the real world which awaits us.

In the meantime we are left with the gift of the friendship that the Vanilla Beans share. A friendship that will always keep me in awe and wonder and so honoured to watch bloom.

True Love:)

Master Chef Pizza Night!

(this was written now almost 5 days ago..we are now in almost done vacation and have had this week Beauty and BFF here. Has been a ton of fun and lots of girl bonding especially for Beauty and IJ))) Love it. Weather has totally sucked though-cold and wind and not cottage weather at all. We have had to be inventive!)

A new Trent Tradition is Born!

This one as great and will definitely be repeated forever for all our cottage vacations. Based on the Master Chef series on TV which the kids love we had a contest for the best pizza. Based on originality, aesthetics and of course- taste. Also each of us had to have a story that went along with the pizza and what we made that particular one. You could tell each kid really wanted to win by the touchy feely gushy stories that went along with the pizza that would surely capture their parents’ hearts.

(Yes the apes of the couple of first days of vacation have turned into our playful sweet little monkeys again and remained that way for most of the vacation, yayJ)

LOVE Hawain pizza

We sent the kids out the night before to get all the ingredients that each person had planned for their pizza (a huge benefit of having a kid who drives is sending him on errands nightly!). We got out three aprons (one of them normal, one from when Beauty was a baby and one obscene one from my adult 40^th bday party) and started on the dough. We had tunes playing on the speaker and a rolling pin that we got for our wedding on the counter. Then a HUGE array of ingredients from goat cheese to pineapple to capers to coriander and cilantro to specially aged salami. There was everything.

Meditarian pizza yuminess

We each had a pan and made our pizzas. One by one they were cooked and tasted and rated secretly on our secret ballots. Each chef had a story that went with their pizza. We all made comments too openly on the taste.

I knew this would be a fun night…and I was proud of myself for investing this tradition, but never in my wildest dreams did I think the pizzas would be so mouth-watering delicious. I think with age they have improved their culinary skills and so have we all as each pie was truly suculent and so very different and unique. Yummy!!!! We had made a big homade coleslaw too and opended a big bottle of Coke too which is rare except on occasions and vacations for the kids. We were so stuffed that we had no room for the homade lemon meringue pie that Beauty and Hubby had made so we are eating it for lunch today.

super original folded crust with cheese in crust and super yummy toppings

After all the pies were eaten and rated Hubby totalled all the scores. We were all super nervous for real it is neve racking to compete. The kids prize was 10$ and the adult prize was that the “loser” kid had to massage the winner parents feet (they decided these prizes!!!)

And the winner was : Beauty!!!!!!!!! By a landslide with her Hawaiian pizza that spelled out LOVE in olives and her story about what it represented!!!!!!  It was so so tasty and juicy and succulent and the olives made it tastes both sour and sweet in combination with the ham and different cheeses she chose. Yummy!I have never seen her look so happy-she looked like she had won the lottery. She is saving up to go to her BFF’s grandparent’s condo in Florida so she was thrilled.

Lots of meat, garlic and cilantro, olives and sun dried tomatoes

Bear had a fit!!! That was the funniest part of the evening. He started raging and saying that he was SURE that his pizza would win as it had cheese in the crust. He was freaking out and we were all laughing so hard at him and then he joined in and laughed at himself. OMG this was funny.

For the adult prize I won! My mango, shallots, garlic and oil, artichoke, tomato pizza was really delicious and really different too (hubby hated it but he also hated strawberries in salad too so how can we count on his taste anyways?)

A super night and a fun tradition is born.

The best pizza:))lol

All of this was after a party we went to across the lake from Beauty ski completion team. This is the second year they have half this. A mansion-like you have never seen. Everyone on this lake knows this house, likely everyone in mtl knows it. As in a mansion…10 boats, 5 jet skis, a huge go cart track, a zip line, a Tarzan rope into the lake, electric bikes, a spa inside the house, a gym inside the cottage, a solarium bar outside and the list goes on and on and on and on. This time I asked the hostess for a tour of the house. I could not resist. Was like visiting a beautiful museum. They own many many many businesses including a famous restaurant so there was an amazing food truck with unlimited delicious food parked on the property and open bar etc…

And they are the sweetest family too-really really nice. 4 beautiful boys and all very generous and kind.

But for the second year in a row now I have reminded our gang-this is nothing close to real life (for us anyways) We came home and considered our own cottage worn and old where in reality it is beautiful and we are so so so blessed to have this place.

Anyways after that beautiful and exciting day there was also something nice about coming home (to our own little piece of palace) and just so simply making pizza together. It felt good and right. And was such an absolute pleasure to be invited to that party and to see their beautiful place. They are so kind to host this part for the ski club and host us all-it is very generous.

(written last week)

Tonight Hubby drives both boys home L((A week is really too short for us after for so many years always having 2 weeks. But we are happy that we got this with the age of the kids we have. Chase has a three week job at his old highschooll and Bear is back for kayak practices in prep for provincials and nationals too. My mom will be there all week to stay with them. We will go pick them both up again on Friday night and have the weekend together and Chase girlfriend will likely join us too. Menu is already planned...have you figured out yet this family likes to eat?

We are picking up Beauty’s BFF which will be a blast as the four of us always have a blast together. Weather has certainly cooled off but still lots of fun.

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We love every second of this vacation. If there is ANYTHTING I can recommend to ANYBODY in this world is to never ever have vacations days that you don’t take. To me this is the biggest of sinsJ

Adding this pic just to make you laugh and my Hubby to get mad at me!!

Passion In Work

I have always really admired people whose work is almost effortless they love it so much. That the passion is so high that they would chose that day of work over basically any other activity.  These people are few and far between but when I meet them….they leave an impression on me.

For 11 yrs. of my life at my previous career in HR in Pharma I totally looked forward to going to work every day (well maybe not all days but most of them!) It was never a pain or a bother or a stress to be there. I loved it. For that I was very very lucky. I love that for 11 yrs of my life I was in a place that I genuinely took pride in and liked being there very much. Work was a pleasure

That being said, what I did notice however over the years is that I was not  as passionate enough about the work I was doing  that I would have expected. I was great at it and adored being there and contributing, but I never felt as though that work specifically defined me in many ways. My face would not light up when I spoke of how I was contributing and making a difference. I was not at all obsessed with my work in the way you are when you are passionate about a person or a project.

Nor was I passionate about the team I worked in. I really enjoyed all the people on the team individually-but as a team I did not get the adrenaline I have experienced in other very high performing teams. Where the team becomes your heart and soul. I always had members of the team that I was very very close to but as a whole I felt the team lacked unity.Most of my closest relationships were beyond my own dept. and in different depts... Thankfully for me I have kept up many of these close relationships now  which bring me tremendous joy.

So it was always an odd feeling for me to be so happy to be at work each day, so good at what I was doing and getting a lot of recognition along the way, but yet knowing deep inside that this was not what I was meant to be doing. That there was something inside of me that I have to offer the world and I knew that what I was currently doing was not exactly it.

When there was the big layoff our financial advisor (whom I am very close to) put it very eloquently ”Tarina I am thrilled this happened to you as your career was so cushioned and comfy and cozy you never would have left it. You have so much more to offer the world and this will force you into big time action mode”

And it resonated with me what he said. He is right.

For years I have known it but have not been able to exactly articulate what that exactly is? What is my unique gift? What is it exactly? What is my passion? Do I even have one?

Recently I have been reading books that deal with the subject of passion. Whether that is in career or in relationships. They all point to the same thing: You don’t find passion-it finds you. It is like most hobbies. For years Sister Savvy and I tried to “find a hobby” but in reality you can’t find one-it just naturally grows (like blogging did for her which she then shared with me) or how reading is a natural hobby for me that I have never even need to think about-I can spend every dollar I have on books almost like a drug.

I have been analyzing my time and what I like to do with it. What gives me adrenaline and what walks me emotionally and spiritually? What I almost can’t do without. I have been searching for these answers. (Often I think the thing I am most passionate about is laying on a bail bed under the sun and reading-but I know that is not going to get me anywhere) so I moved onto other areas and did some soul searching. I started looking at patterns in my life.

And this morning it all became clearer. One pattern is that for about 16 yrs. now (coincidentally close to the time I started a family)…I began writing down almost daily (if I am honest) what I am doing right and wrong in parenting, as a wife and in balancing work and home. What I am doing to try and have it all or to try to master this crazy thing called life. Before iPhone times these were chicken scratches on pieces of papers, then turned into post it’s and now are carefully kept in my iPhone. I add at least 10 things I do right each week and another 10 things I could improve upon. It is a constant list and I am very passionate about it. I have always known this will lead to a book one day but being a writer is not enough for me..I love it but it is not what I want as my career.

Then I looked what I am drawn to when I go to a book store or watch a movie: Family stuff. Family crisis, family self-help, parenting books family anything. Organization , finding simpler ways to do life, finding better ways to use time. Inspiring people, how people make hard situations beautiful and inspiring, how they turn bad into good for the better of the world and others.

I looked at the conversations with friends that interest me the most. They are not all about travel or work (although those topics I love too and discuss a lot), but discussing our kids and obstacles and discipline and joys and challenges. Ways we have found in life to live by that make our lives better, planning the future and looking at what we want ahead and how to create it ourselves.

Then I looked at this blog. I am always writing about my family-in some shape or form. I have to very deliberately choose to write about something else and pull myself away from this topic as it is where my heart lies but can get tedious I am sure for readers. But when I write about family, with authenticity and vulnerability it is where my heart lies. Telling it like it is –whether that be bragging about how well things are going or how much serious help I need or advice when many many things go wrong. Writing about how to life our very best life and striving always with our full potential as a family in mind.

And then I looked at where my value is at work and in relationships and they all pointed in the same direction. This is also confirmed to me through the many 360 feedbacks I have professionally done or feedback from friends: I am a Fixer and in many cases I am a Nurturer (especially as it related to family). I fix things, am direct, am bold, and over the years especially my own ability to be vulnerable about my own life has helped many others around me I have been told.

 Also that if I love you? I really really love you. I am engaged and interested in you and your life and if you have a problem that needs to be solved I will go to bat many times over for you. I was once told that I am a better friend in crisis than in normal life: it resonated with me: I am a Fixer through and through and love to be needed by many. I feel love from people the most in close contact and connection and many people are much much better at close connection and contact more so in their time of need-that’s what makes me a better friend then and not because I care less the other times. Connection is everything to me in relationships.

And then I look what I need in a career: Time off and flexibility as work will never be my only passion as my own family is and need time with them. I need status and power to feel good and I need to makes lots of money in shorts amounts of time (don’t we all?)LOL

And then I looked at my skillset: Speaking, writing, articulation, project management, FIXING things and delivering. Being very real and authentic and bold and curious. Seeing things in often a very different light than others and coming up with unique solutions.

It did not take me long to figure out what I have always known inside and which has been alluded to my me and many others for years now. Keynote speeches worldwide on life work integration and family, living your best life and accessing in yourself the full potential you have in career in your relationships.

Most importantly-Fixing what is broken and quickly. Teaching people how to just STOP IT! Helping others to access in themselves what they don’t even know is there…..changing; lives. Making lives better. Mastering the one life we have in a deliberate way.

If I think back to the times I have felt most passionate it has been when I have been part of others peoples family stuff. The time when my colleague at work child sleep for the first time all night and never stopped everynight afterwards, when my client started having breakfast with his kids every morning and walked them to school holding hands before he checked his email. When my colleagues daughter started more easily making friends because of conversations her mom and I had together and actions we strategized, when my friends started also doing family night in her home, when my daughter and I were given a chance to make the difficultly of living with scoliosis beautiful and share that experience with others. These things made me want to desperately wake up every morning and fuel them.

I love making difficult situations beautiful-or at least trying to anyways. I love doing it for myself and I love helping others do it. Because in life……it’s inevitable that we will have difficult situations come our way and I love seeing and watching the amazing grace and beauty that people handle these with. It never fails to completely impress me on every level.

I love BIG and changing people’s lives in BIG ways. And often what people cherish most in life is family even if their actions point in the different directions. I like bringing them back home.

I love aligning people with their most fundamental values and showing them how to live a life they are proud of and that belongs to them.

I love seeing a child connect more with his or her parent and having a better life because his or her parent gets better at parenting.

I love showing people how to simply their lives and live disciplined with good habits at the core. To show them an easier way to do things and one that takes so much less energy

As I write all this my heart is pumping and my face is lightning up.

In a way that talent management and organisational development did not. I liked those areas a lot and in some ways even loved them but they were not BIG enough for me. I have more intest in making a better parent than a better leader…which was always hard to admit to myself as there is so much about the corporate environment I adore.

But what if I could combine the two very successfully? The cooperate and the family world. One Life.?

Also teaching people to master their lives and to carry their suitcases with the wherever they go (their life work integration suitcases, their values suitcases, their parenting suitcases etc..)

No boss. No company. No mandate-should ever touch your suitcases. Your suitcases are yours and yours alone and they come with you wherever you go. As long as you hold tight and don’t let them go they are yours. Carry them with grace. Carry the  with you always. And as your circumstances around you inevitably change and alter..Remember what you carry with you.

And take a good look inside. Deliberately and often. Systematically. Your own life should always be your most important project.