Revelations of Halloween

Halloween is getting a whole lot more interesting around here as our kids are growing up….their way of handling both this holiday, themselves and their costumes define who they are in many ways.

 

This is my definition of Courage.

 

 

The Bear under the Dinosaur. He went to Grade 8 like this today on the city bus and will wear this the whole day without taking it off. At end of the day we will give him 25 dollars…he took the dare. We had dared Chase 2 yrs. ago (knowing it would NEVER happen) this year Bear said he was short on cash and was totally excited to do this. Talk about confidence, lack of peer pressure and guts. The kid is fearless!!!!! I hope he doesn’t get beaten up today.

 

This is my definition of Everything about Chase.

 

This is him being a ghost. Very similar to the boxes he has worn on his head (or not worn) year after year after year. Since uniforms at school you can only not wear the uniform if you are wearing a costume. Here come in the boxes and the sheets.

 

This is my definition of Autonomy and Independence.

 

 

 

This girl with two Halloween despising parents just gets it done on her own. She looks like the perfect Geek. Miss Independent and Creative. She always “has her shit together” for lack of a better expression! Also a fearless child.

 

And this is my definition of parents who are great parents but who just can’t stand Halloween as a holiday.

 

 

We tolerated it for years and years and years and think fun for the kids but now we see it as one big night off. We are going out to the restaurant tonight as all three kids at festive friends’ houses (I wonder why???)

To our defense we are normally lovely, caring and devoted parents. We love holidays and mostly give them our all. We even started hiding an elf in December like the rest of the world. We love our kids, sacrifice for them on a daily basis and are probably somewhere above average in the care and attention and love we give them.

But we suck at Halloween and are proud of it. This morning we almost let them go to school with no picture and almost slept in and then just felt too guilty. We are like the show last nigh t”Les Parents” where the parents run out of the house at 5pm so no kids come to their door for candy. Tonight will be the second time in our live we don’t give out candy. Last year we put a bowl on the gallery and went out to dinner. 14 yrs. before that every year we forced ourselves to open the door and say “Wow look at that witch! Scary”!

All that to say the biggest biggest revelation I have as a parent this year on Halloween is that kids just get it done. When parents butt out (which for me only pretty much occurs every oct 31) the kids take over and so what they need to do. No one reminded them about making plans tonight, none helped them put together costumes…none rummages through the basements and found old sheets that went through the laundry machine  with bleach and everything  by himself…

Kids get it done even when you think they won’t. When they see you are not doing it they totally step in and use their own devices. All of this kicked in last night around 8opm..they got it done without a word of advice from their lame parents.

I have seen a lot of people around me all grown up with lots of people saving them left right and center lately. I am glad that Halloween will teach my kids they can also do it on their own if their parents are too boring. (talk about some good self talk for guilt eh?)

There is always a hidden treasure people. Sometimes you just have to dig really hard for it.

Lessons learned. Halloween is getting WAY more interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bring it ON!

PG 2013

We had our first Phenomenal Girls Weekend (PG) this weekend in Kingston!!!

It was so much fun!

 

 

Highlights of PG 2013:

Beauty and I taking train together to Kingston

Beauty and I hitting Target (40 $ in taxi rides but worth it) while we waiting for the girls to arrive

Dinner out at Copper Penny with Leah and Lexie and best appetizers ever (and saltiest fries ever too!)

Video star..videostar,,video Star!!!!!

Crazy PG’s running in hotel halls in pyjamas

TLC-say yes to the dress!!!

SleepingJ)

Breakfast and swimming and hot tub. Discoloured bathing suits from chlorine!

PG-Lesson and journaling-Faith. Seeing Savvy in Action-love it! Soooooo cool

Swiss Chalet for lunch

Lost art project and lessonsJ

Book Club discussion:A Hundred Dresses.

Lots of conversations about friendships, and girls and values over lunch at Swiss Chalet. Soooo interesting. I learnt a ton about my daughter, Lexie and even Savvy. It’s amazing what you can learn when you can ask  the right questions and are not afraid of hearing the real answers. It is truly liberating. I love liberated and uncensored communication in this way.

Lots of “Parental Guidance “(my secret PG nameJ))

Shopping!!! Hitting the malls

Goodbye at the train L((

Promises to always make PG a priority forever and ever (even when we are 90) Promises that it will always be just this group and the only people to join are our son’s wives and all our kids’ daughters.

Wondering and praying we will like our son’s wives!

Bonding and Great train ride home with Beauty.

Homecoming: A rare Saturday night where we are all home when we are not at cottage. All 5 sitting around table..laughing..talking..eating Lebanese.

Beauty’s Grade 6 trip is revealed!!!

 

Yay PG!!!

 

 

 

C'est Tout.

 

This is what is running through my mind right now. C'est Tout. That's it.

 

Beauty we found out Friday morning was accepted to Dance program at the high school she was accepted too!!!!. It's all done. Finally. Phew.

 

After going through this totally gruelling process for over 5 yrs. now with all three kids....I honestly can’t believe we have arrived at our final designation.

 

Three kids at this school and their three programs of choice.

 

Now does this guarantee their future? Guarantee they graduate there? Guartentee success and happiness or anything else? No..no..no..
What it does guarantee is that our 3 children will have a wonderful educational platform to start off and begin with and do what they want with.
It guarantees their will see this as a gift and an opportunity and guarantees that they will come out of this being confident....disciplined and determined.

 
We are there.

And the dance or sports program enable the student to really feel passionate about high school. To pursue their dreams within the academic curriculum together. To fully integrate their passions and interests in their educations.



I honestly can’t believe it is over. My Protector and I looked at each other after receiving the convocation email Friday morning and said “What do we do now?" We are so used to having these goals as our compass...what are we supposed to focus on now? (Don’t worry we will find things pretty quickly).

 
But as hard as all this has been over the last 5 yrs and as much time as it has taken from our lives in some areas, as much anxiety that has accompanied it all, and as much laser focus has need to have been sucked up......and most importantly as much as the future has no promises of success or happiness or even academic fulfilment...

 
We have managed as a family to achieve a few very important things.

All three kids know how to have a dream.....work hard to make it come true....and work their asses  of to get what they want.


All three kids are very confident and have very "can do" attitudes


All three kids really feel that their education is a privilege  that should not be taken for granted


All three kids really believe in themselves and their talents


They are all fearless in many many ways in this world



All three kids are very determined, hardworking and devoted.



And all three kids started out as and remain very very different students, personalities, and people.  All three struggles in different areas .All three however were very shaped by this experience in very positive ways. A bit like sleep training as babies.....they all strted different and ended up in this place of confidence by many many steps, lessons and teachings.

This has been a family affair.
 

And much of this has to do with this crazy, hard, stressful process of high school entrance ...and acceptance. I owe so much to this process.
Our kids have a ton to work on...so do we.....many many areas of improvement. But

One of our strongest goals as parents was always (and still is):


To ensure that our children were confident in life and believe in themselves. For us that was always the foundation of any type of future joy, happiness, success, love , self love, etc.



And finally.....I can say:



We are partially there. Phase 1 is officially complete.

We are more than ready to take on Phase 2.

Yahoo!!!!

 

 

Congrats Beauty!!!!

I Will Pass on the Gas Please.

 

There is one part of yoga classes I could do without.

For sure actually.

And that is all the farting that takes place.

All the time-every time. Thank God this has not happened to me (yet). If it does I will never go back. Others don’t seem to share that view as there they are back and farting again each week.

I was really too shy to write about this popular topic as it is quite disgusting in fact, but I read a blog today where the woman (who I thought would be a total shrewd) basically told the whole wold her most intimate details. So I figured discussing the concept of farting in a yoga class must be acceptable on blogs  (especially that it is not even me doing it).

And let me tell you there is something even worse than a person in front of you letting out some downward dog gas…and that is:

Two people in front of you doing it and then giggling away as if it is actually funny and pleasant. I adore yoga but man alive let me tell you that meditating and people farting don’t mix. Not a single bit actually.

Usually I am pretty embarrassed about writing the word “fart” (even if it is not me doing that) but today for some reason I feel strangely liberated and free.

Besides the farting parts (and worrying if one day I will do that and have to never come back) Yoga is amazing. I truly and honestly never thought that I would consider any form of exercise to be relaxing and pleasant and something I look forward too. Yoga and walking outside fit the bill now. I love both and just feel like I never have enough time to do either one as often as I would want to. If I was retired or a SAHM (both make me physically sick to think about) I would walk to a far off yoga class every day and walk back home after.

Weight training is still a big chore. I hope one day I will put it in the category of fun.

So my advice yogis? Eat less beans and go to the bathroom before yoga class please? Please?

And from now on I am putting my yoga mat in the very front of the class and not taking any chances.

 

Shoot me Now?

 

Hi Y’all.

(yes this is a new expression for me. When you read blogs that say y’all and boy howdy and hunker down…you make a bit of fun at first and then you just join in the fun).

Y’all I have something to tell you:

You know that family book I am writing…now two chapters from being complete…. which will be published in first part of 2014? Ya the one where I am co-authoring and sharing many of my special parenting tips because I am supposed to be some kind of family expert?

Well don’t take those tips too seriously ok? I don’t think after this weekend I can consider myself a family “expert”. Booh hoo for me.

What a disaster.

In Quebec after grade 11 there is two years CEGEP before University. Well Chase is in Grade 10 and I am a big planner and do everything way way in advance..and so off to the CEGEP we go (my own alma mata nonetheless)

And my son….my oldest..the one I love until it hurts me heart..:

 

 

ACTED LIKE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE AND LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And trust me I was not shy to let him know this fact.

It started as we 15 mins into the ride there and he wanted to go back home and brush his teeth (bc he forgot) I said no.

Then he told me to shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

OMG!

Then he called his Dad (who I am married to by the way) telling him that I was a complete idiot for not turning back. Then he said open houses are totally useless and he has not interest and he will just choose one off the internet that has the “chiropractor thing”. I asked him if he had any idea what marks and courses he needed for human sciences and he said “who cares, whatever”

So there you have it! The almost 16 yr old product of a family specialist attempting to contribute to a book and share the wealth so you can all influence your own offspring in this delightful way!

I have never been so angry and disappointed in my life. Honestly. I had this visit all planned out in my head..visit my old pool..my old cafeteria…walk the ground..Have Chase ask me tons of questions about my youth…go find pictures of me somewhere…talks to other parents and see other  kids. Stop by the center for ADD and get some info for the future.

NOT! NOT! NOT!

Try very sullen and depressive child. Silent. No interest in anything. Not speaking to me bc I told him he was an asshole and I didn’t care if he failed grade 10 (ok ok ok…I know ..I know..I know…happens at least once a decade with each kid ok!!!)

(And he told me those flip-flops after September look “gay”. Yes I was wearing them).

And at least I am honest in a admitting this horrible horrible behavior on my part (although many of my friends admit to calling their kids assholes and idiots too but not on a public forum!!!)

And the open house was a big waste of time and I was green with envy of all the kids were there engaged interested and absorbed in this special event. And who actually liked their parents.

Not mine.

Finally he took keys and went and sat in car with a few pamphlets he picked up in the science section by himself.

I am truly counting on my middle and last child to make this up to me in the future.

It was then and there that I made a decions:

Your education is yours my little darling boy. Yours. I will give you tools..show up..help you if you need…but no more coddling you child.

Done.

Done.

Done.

Did you hear me??????? Loud enough?

 

Anyways-after I screamed and ignored him for the day and grounded him for the night for saying shut up to me-I think he kind of got the message I was not too happy or proud. I have a feeling it will all shake things up for the better although I could have used another strategy to get there right?

Are we in the “real” teenage stage yet? Yes I think so. Yuck.

So if you do read my book pls tear up the pages on academic success as clearly I have no clue. I thought I did all these years with a kids who has learning issues, goes to a great private school and totally holds his ground, does lots of homework, gets it all done, has a good and smart head on his shoulders….but this open house thing traumatized me completely.

So just let those kids do homework in front of the television with their cell phones parents! We might end up with the same final results at this stage anyways! Might as well forget all the nagging and discipline alone the way as it seems to make no difference in the final outcome anyways.

Poor me.

And while you are at it ignore the section of the book where it talks about how much I adore this teenage phase too ok? Just skip over that part (oh crap it actually is the whole book you may need to skip over!) Help editor!!! Reality check here!!!!

(And hopefully my second child will know that an orthodontist needs to like teeth).

 

 

 

 

You know your kids are not little anymore when ….

All the shoes at the door are way bigger than yours..

Friday nights is no longer pizza and movie night with the kids to catch up after a busy week-  but pizza and movie night with Hubby often and interrupted by lots and lots of chauffeuring around…

When your son makes arrangements to go to another high school dance and buys the tickets with his own money…

When your daughter is so so far beyond you in terms of multimedia and technology it is scary…

When every Friday night your daughter makes arrangements to walk home with a group of girls and it takes her nearly two hours to get there as they stop to shop, to buy candy, stop at dad’s office, flirt with the boys…

When your son is dressed in a suit and tie today and at a career day for college preparation!

When they realize their pants smell and haven’t been washed in a while and go down and out them in the laundry machine and run it.

When you realize that “their worries” are not necessarily the only worries you have anymore. When there is space in your brain..for You..

When last night you choose to speak to a BFF on the phone for two hours instead of tucking the kids in and they were fine just coming and planting a kiss quietly on your head without interrupting this toal indulgent evening you were having….

When you can go to a huge fundraising event on Saturday night and not hire a babysitter (although one is going to a sleepover!)

When your Hubby can go out with a buddy on Thursday night and you can stay at work until 9pm and catch up on work and come home to a relatively tidy house, dinner eaten and homework done..

When you don’t have to remind much about homework or studying anymore..(ok you have to nag only 1/3 of the usual time)

When your kids do ¾ of  all the laundry of themselves throughout the week in teams and it actually smells fresh..is clean…and is decently folded (well at least as well as I would do it myself which is not a stretch objective in any sense)..

When the dishwasher gets unloaded without me asking…

When you come in the door and it is silent instead of kids running to you be they are all on their computers and phones…L

When the home phone is never ever used be everyone (minus one!) has a cell….

When your birthday gifts are no longer homemade at school; and things you would choose yourself at the boutiques…

When the two boys decide to spend 350$ that they have been saving for years on a new game thing and then meet 19 yrs. olds afterschool and buy and sell games to and from them…

When they each work with the decorator themselves to choose paint colors and I am not even home…

When they all speak French together as a team and I am English….

When you have no clue how they study, What they study,  What their marks are unless they tell you as you choose not to look anymore. When you trust that their past performance will dictate their future success…and trust in that for real

When they encourage you to try and get  a promotion and be away from home more “because they can handle it and it is a good career development for you”
….

When she is just so beautiful when she prepares for her dance auditions-that it totally takes your breath away as you watch her graceful, becoming womanly body ,move to the music which comes from deep deep inside of her…When the beauty of her dance brings you to tears literally.

When he knows himself if he needs to take Concerta on the weekends and always makes the right choice for him…

When he is completely 100% instrinsically motivated and aims (and gets!) 100% in so many exams and tests because he wants to be proud of himself…and aim high for his future career...

When they start acting like the worst parts of yourself. When you see yourself as an adult in them. When you realize that you needed to be a better role model for lots and lots of things and maybe now it is too late!

When they look at you..and still kiss you and hold you and say I love you…and you imagine the type of amazing husbands and wives they will be one day…

When all the sudden time and your marriage become a brand new flower to uncover…..

When you look over at your husband almost daily and think, say and express “thank you so much for making and growing these beautiful people with me-I can never ever thank you enough for this precious gift”
 

 

 

Graveyards

I am feeling completely overwhelmed lately. And I don’t see it ending any time soon either. This is life with three busy tweens and teens and it is my life. And no this is not a Halloween post. I hate Halloween.

Work is also getting progressively tougher and harder although equally more challenging and interesting too. Let’s just say I am leaning in a lot more lately and seeing what will happen and  what will play out. Let’s just say that janitor lady and I get to chat more and more often in the evenings these days and my work is piling up.

All that to say I was looking at my famous to do list the others day and I honestly felt like crying. And so I decided to take stuff off of them…to make time just for normal stuff like showers and exercising and reading a magazine here and there. It was interesting to see what process I used to do this. Where are my priorities? Where do they lay? What do I consider negotiable.

Well not a whole lot came off except for about 6 things. Three of them included dead people (sorry to be so direct but it is true)

I hope this post doesn’t offend anyone…oh boy here we go! My blog..remember ??

 

One was visiting Grampy2 grave soon. The other was visit Grandpapa Max grave soon. The third was on anniversary of my Dad’s death take kids to eat at his fave resto in honour of him. All three are not on my to do list anymore. My decision was: they would be proud of me for spending the time on the living. Or really angry at me for not visiting them more often and paying more attention to them. I chose to believe the first one.

Does that mean I will never visit? No! I will at one point for sure but it won’t be on my to do lists for this season. But I am consciously choosing to live with the living right now and for the moment every moment counts.

And I guess it goes back to living without regrets too. My Grampa and my Father in law I felt we gave to a lot while they are living and they gave immensely to us too. Not in a seeing each other weekend way but our family always made time for them, made them important in our lives, hosted holidays, sent cards and photos, had the kids involved on a very regular basis. I feel good about it and I bet they did too,

My Dad is a whole other complicated story that will never make it onto this blog.

But choosing our time is important in busy homes in busy years. I figure in 7 years I will have so much time I will be able to camp out at gravesites if that is what I really want to do (ya that is just plain weird).

But we make choices don’t we? And we own those choices.

Life is long. Longer than we think. As a BFF of mine said on her blog this week. We cannot do everything but we can do anything-or something cool like that.

For the longest time I had to “fit” in exercise, good eating and sleep-between visiting graves I guess. Lately I am making those things a top priority (miracle of all miracles!!!) Exercise is relaxing to me now-especially my yoga classes and power walks for the most part outside energize me. Getting to the gym for weights is still a big pain and a big chore though.

Eating has also become more regular and healthful and more intuitive and much easier for me to regulate myself in the ways I wish too. Far from perfect but good enough . And ritualaized. Sleep as always is a work in progress but one night at 11:30pm bedtimes counts right?(last night) a full 7 hrs!!! I figure if I can get these things right most of the time everything else will fall into place?

And I feel confident and assured that my peaceful loved ones will forgive me . For the moment anyways. Anyways it was a weird feeling to cross them off the list for now and felt odd and strange and deserving of a blog. But it gave me one more weekend to shop for skis that my kids will exercise on…and one extra afternoon where we could spend at my Uncles this weekend celebrating Thanksgiving…and gave me and extra day to spend at my cottage for a relaxing day in the winter with a BFF….and an extra evening that we could stay home and cocoon in the winter instead of going to the restaurant.

And I didn’t just cross them off either….I decided to find other ways to keep them in my heart. And extra thought and prayer at a Sunday dinner….a note beside Grampys’s picture asking him to watch over my family….a family night devoted to the family tree on my husband’s side.

Love comes in many forms and to do lists are not the only way are they?

PS-And kids if you read this you are not off the hook. I expect weekly Sunday visits (with pink roses) to my grave…just saying. And if you are running out of time order pizza and eat it at my grave and I will even pay for your gas there and back and the dinner from the money I leave you.

PSS- KNOCK on wood….Mom I would visit you every week..(everyday probably) Just saying y’all.

Counting our Blessings

 

We had a lovely Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. The weekend weather was probably the best I have seen it in months and years…totally gorgeous.

We left for Ottawa on Sunday and came back for dinner on Monday night. We spent the weekend at the Chez Vetos with my Mom too and it was as usual wonderful. For years we have all done two family get together a year together and about 5 yrs. ago added on Thanksgiving weekend to spend as a family together. I love that we celebrate an occasion together-that is very special to me.

And we have created our little traditions too that seem to build on themselves! The carving of the turkey with my uncle and middle son (well sometimes participates or carfefully watches)….the Italian toast bc of the big table….the hot tub under the leaves in the afternoon…always a hike, or run or long walk in the forest with the kids on the Monday. Love it. The pumpkins pie and the leftover turkey for sandwiches with cranberry the next day.

 

Today was a beautiful walk in a nuttree field by the water with snakes and leaves and lookouts and toads. Chase had a photography project due for school and so Uncle Chez Veto worked with him through the fields and helped him to take some amazing pictures. He learnt about light and focus and settings.

It’s just all so beautiful and I love the relationships our kids have together even though there is 12 yrs. difference between their oldest daughter and my youngest daughter. They all hang out and it is very cool. I can totally imagine it in a few years my boys joining in and helping themselves to a cold beer with their cousins…….I can see it now,. I love that we are so close as an extended family.

And we really all make an effort to stay this close-it has been years that we are spending time together every year for many weekends. We all treasure it so much that we carve out the time, put other things aside, the adult kids take time off from their work (unpaid!). Rooms get unpainted….bills unpaid…..dishes pile up…there are many choices we consciously make to ensure that these weekends happen. And for that we are grateful. That we all feel this wanting to be together.

 

 

The girl cousins:) I am missing a picture of my amazing boy cousin as it is on my Uncle's camera!!!!!

We got home tonight and did a mad rush between 6-9pm to get homework done, papers signed, preparation for the work week, hair washed and laundry sorted. We did two hours of work in our basement late at night as we are having all three kids rooms pained this week. We finally sat down to dinner at 9pm and quickly went around the table as we always do on Thanksgiving Monday (grace and more formal thanksgiving prayers in larger group Sunday) and we said “What are you most grateful for-as we always ask each Thanksgiving.

Even though all of us were exhausted, out of breath and running from the homework and basement cleaning etc..We all agreed somewhere in our gratefulness that that we are blessed with our extended family. With Chez Vetos and my Mom with us. That we loved spending time together and that we were proud of all of us for making this a big priority in our lives. As Beauty said “It’s just really good”

Yes it is. Totally agree.

And this year not only did we have each other to celebrate but the health of a man we all adore. That his heart was fixed and on the mend. And in my books there is nothing..nothing that even comes close to the blessing of health.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

Hubby and I on our Saturday Thanksgiving walk alone at Parc  Nature in the sun. We often talk about how blessed we are in our lives to have people love our family the way they do. What a gift. to know that your children are so loved by

We Are Here

 

 

I love this sign I saw at a spa the other day. Adore it actually. It reminded me that in life the best thing is to be where you are-whoever you are.

And accept that place with Grace.

We are at a very important and special place of our lives right now in our family. And a very different one than most of our friends right now (actually all of our friends). As of next year we will have three kids in high school. Three teenagers. I honestly can’t believe we are there already. It is on our mind a lot now because in Quebec the process starts and end by October of the year before so high school feels like it is already here

And in the last year our lives have really done a 360. Completely. Our family life is unrecognizable of what it was one year ago. It has completely transformed.

When I got a text last night for the first time from my almost 16 yr old telling me he would be sleeping at a friend’s vs. asking I knew we had turned a huge corner….. (I still asked him to ask obviously…but realized that his paradigm of thinking has changed)

When my daughter spent her professional day in the village with 5 friends biking, and going for pizza and hanging out all day in the sun on their bikes with freedom and time in front of them for hours and hours without us keeping a close watch on them.

When my middle son last night texted and said he was going to a new friends house in LaSalle and said he called the bus company and figured out how to get there himself and had arrived and sent us the phone number and address.

Fait accompli. We are clearly in the next stage of our lives.

It is new, it is exciting, it is lonely, it is beautiful…and scary . It had arrived.

No more are we planning who has a play date with whom on weekends, or what family movie to watch all together on a Friday night. No longer am I cutting up special fudge as a treat and serving it on a Saturday lunch after a good family meal altogether. These things still happen of course but life has changed. Sometimes there is one here..sometimes two,..sometimes three..sometimes none. It is hit and miss. They conrol their lives and schedules and we do not.

(Unless we are at the cottage!! Love the cottage as it keeps us all together and meals and treats and movies etc. So what if we have a huge mortgage there? Worth every single penny as far as I am concernedJ)))

And school is owned by them now. We always knew that once Beauty was accepted to her high schools that we would be at a huge milestone. We did it!!! We arrived! OMG!!!

No longer are we signing forms to authorize kids to leave at lunch, or think of where they need to go on a professional day, or pack their lunches, or  deciding which days they will need afterschool care. Instead we are having massive discussions with them about exchange programs at the schools where they go and stay at a foreign school for a week and we host an international student for then week, or planning the climb of Mount Everest or Kilimanjaro for the sports program, or discussing the cost of the Alps ski week in Swiss and Italy for Grade 10 and if that is something the son wants to do and pay for part of. Beauty still one more year of primary school but since she is the third (and has her acceptances for next year minus dance which will hopefully be in 2 weeks) …she moves at the speed of lightning in this family. What my oldest son did in high school she does in grade 5. In grade 6 now she is way beyond both of her brothers ever were at her age in terms of independence and autonomy. Also girls mature faster.

Life is getting richer and more beautiful as it goes along. I am in awe still of it all and trying to figure out my role in in all as I shift and transition as the Mom of these beautiful and blooming young people. There is an element of loneliness and fear in this for me for certain…..but also a huge element of excitement and of pride.

It feels like we have completed Phase 1 of our parenting and this is huge for us. Now we move on to Phase 2 which paradoxically both involves a lot less of us and a lot more of us too. The unselfish parts of us need to be center and forefront ad we watch them transition to their peers groups, their lives, their interests…while taking a back seat and also a front seat.

Getting off the baseball field with them and taking our places on the sidelines (sometimes). Watching them go out for ice-cream after the game without us instead of with us and welcoming them home and into our hearts and arms when they come back to us at the end of their evenings.

Milestones. We have reached a big one Baby. When I think of this I am so abundantly in love with My Protector…Father of my three beautiful children. We did this together, every single step of the way and for this my heart is full. I can so picture the days far far away still (but closer than they seemed a year ago) where we stand at the graduations, weddings and big events of our adult children and hold hands in a special way knowing very well that:

We contributed to this Splendor. These are our babies standing here now. We survived. We flourished.

We did good My Darling  

Embracing the Chaos by Organizing

Lately a number of colleagues have been asking me how I organize my personal and professional life. And I have been sharing my tips with them. If you look at my office to my house-the word “organized” won’t necessarily be the first word to come to mind! (probably mediocore organized more fitting) But if you look at the lists posted around my house, my I-Phone,my agenda, my post it notes or take a look inside my brain you will really very quickly that the exterior is just a façade.

I am super organized. As in super.

But from the outside I can look a bit (very ) chaoptic too. Clothes piled up, dishes in the sink, sometimes track pants worn inside out.

Here it goes my guide to organizing my life.

Work:

-all appointments go on my Iphone with a 15 minute alert for the next meeting

-I have a daily list of things needing to get done that day and a monthly list and a general list

-I also have a list and a folder for each big project I am working on (many!)

-I have electronic files for each of my projects

-I guess because I have always worked…organizing at work is fairly simple for me as I have always done it. Mornings every single day are spent planning and organizing and crossing of and transferring items. I would never start my day without making time for this. Even if I have to get up at 5:30am to do it I will

-I have excellent people working with me!

 Personal Life

-If  personal appt  happens during the work day they go in my manual agenda and in my iPhone since they are during working hours

-I have an alert before every personal apt of 15mins (30 if I have to travel)

-all kids activities that I am involved in (pick up drop off etc.) are in my personal agenda. If I am not involved they are not in there and are in the kid’s memories or agenda and are their business to deal with

-Sunday night we do “Family Calendar” and everyone goes through what we each have that week and we manage our own agendas accordingly

-Sunday nights is also “Lists with each kid” I sit down with each for at least 15-20 minutes and go through whatever I need to for that week. I have a tab in a notebook for each kid and Hubby and write things as they occur to me. This Sunday lists really diminishes the nagging factor as I try to not go over stuff daily and aim for once a week unless really necessary.(which of course there is stuff that comes up daily)

-I also have a tab in notebook for anyone who works in home (my Mom, cleaning service, cooking service etc.) and these lists get communicated on Mondays or Tuesdays

-My husband and I do “Tuesday Lists” every Tuesday (duh!) and this sets him up for his lists of what I need him to do that week.(guess who the boss is???) Section of list is Doing and section is Discuss. This takes us a good 45 minutes on Tuesdays and if we do not do it we feel the pain.

-I have a ton of post it notes on my desk at home and at work and whenever I think about something I write it down. Anything and everything from “write so and so a thank you note to “buy perfume as smells good on Mary!”  These post it notes get transferred to the tab notebook Mondays and Fridays.

-Anything that needs to be on a specific day as a reminder either goes into manual agenda on that day or gets a reminder on the IPhone with Siri (ie: today a BFF had a very important dr apt and I want to know how it went and so put a reminder fort 6pm today to text her and ask). People’s birthdays are in agenda , if I want to remind myself to ask a family member or friend it is on a reminder or in agenda or both ,sometimes 3 days in row to ensure I don’t forget (if it is something important I likely remember anyways but put a reminder just in case as my brain overloads quickly)

-Pending items often get an entry with a ?. “Christmas organized yet???” Just so I kept track of where I am heading before X-mas  actually occurs.To me this is a huge corner stone of true organization is anticipating upcoming dates vs. just recording them.

-Generally speaking organizing is done on lists days and Mondays. Also every night between dinner over and chores and tucking kids in, I will be found at desk organizing for home and for work and making lists. Always. Always. Always.The nights I have something planned it is 30 minutes early morning before work.

Iphon

-I keep many recurring weekly things in my iPhone that pop up in evening. Things like watch one show a week with kids, ensure grocery list is made, do laundry etc..I also put reminders for things that don’t come as easily and naturally to me (reminder to make snacks for kids once a week on weekends or bake for them etc..)

-phone is with me all work day and after dinner for an hour and then after kids tucked in for about an hour as I work on it and answerer emails and do work. After work until dinner always off and after 10-10:30pm always off an away. Weekends on when I want it on but hidden away otherwise as too tempting to be on work email (more on that ritualization later as very complex)

Kid’s lists

-My kids have a weekly list that is prepared Monday morning and good until Friday. On it they have things that need to be done or discussed nightly. After dinner and chores (which are listed on it) they cannot go back to homework, or TV, or any technology before everything is crossed off and shown to me.  Works sooooo well. (took a decade to master though!) Also often 1-2 nights a week we are not home so helps them to manage themselves.

-Weekends they have weekend chore lists which are bigger or I just often yell out orders (really loudly)

Family Night

We have weekly time (Tuesday or Wednesday evenings) where we gather to discuss something other than lists and chores. Give thanks for our blessings or discuss a certain article, or look at pictures together, or gather quotes, or discuss a problem in the world or our family, or recognize achievement, or discuss upcoming family vacation etc..)We used to put 45 mins aside every week but now with two in high school and very intensive sports programs and one going into high school this longer formula cannot work for us. Now it is about 15 mins but still enjoyed by all(probably bc it is the only night of the week the kids get to have a treat). Used to be bigger funner treats and now a little bowl with usually one or two tiny Halloween candies. Oh well…still love it!

Values and priorities

I have constant reminders everywhere of what is most important to me in that phase of my life to ensure that my actions and activities are very much based upon my values and priorities. I want to ensure that my agenda and calendar always refelct my heart

(hint hint this will be my keynote speech one day so stay tuned!!!!)

Notes on Phone

I have tons and tons of lists on notes of what books to buy, errands, quotes that inspire me, good contacts, ideas for my book etc.

 

So there it is in a nutshell with many layers in between and many elements I have forgotten. To me organizing and lists are at the very core of who I am and without them I would be nowhere near who I want to be as a wife, a mother, a friend a daughter, a sister, a niece etc..Even with all the organizing I am not where I want to be but I am closer.

I will debate any day of the week that it is not just things and appointments that we have to organize and prioritize but relationships and people. We can all have the best organizing system possible and show up to every apt on time and have our christmas tree decorated to the max but if our prioritizing does not include people, relationships and planning of events, we will be living in a whole lot of chaos and in my opinion, often far off from what we would like to be.

I think that organizing brings us closer and closer to our full potential as human beings. Actually…I am sure of it.

Let’s just say that there was a fire drill at work the other day and the buzz in the hall was that it was not a drill but a real fire (it was not!). Let’s just say I risked my life and went back for 4 of my most precious possessions (agenda, phone, links of London bracelet and sunglasses) No car keys as could not give a damn about cars.

And you???Email me your best tips!!!! Love getting new and improved ones!