Fleeting Moments

Today my Protector and I went on a beautiful fall walk through the woods, up a large hill, through a quarry and onto the golf course. The fall colors were the most incredible I have ever seen them. Or then again maybe for the first time..I gave myself both the time and permission to really indulge in them.

We passed the kissing bridge in the colors, and climbed the mountain in the rustling leaves. In the golf course we sat and rested for a few minutes and looked out to the mountains and lake in their perfect splendor. I am not sure I have ever seen anything so beautiful.

So I asked my Hubby for the camera phone and tried to capture it through the lens but the result was not even half of the reality of it. I deleted the picture quickly.

I love photography. I have never taken a course in my life but have a ridiculously expensive camera and a smaller mid priced one. I love them both. The pictures I produce are pretty good especially portraits. Most family and friends I know have at least one picture I have taken framed on their walls somewhere in their homes. I enjoy taking photos but have never put any effort into it.

Someday I dream of a day where I can actually learn about it more and produce beautiful things. Take in the light and works with it. Have my own darkroom.

Part of me however will likely never take that photography course, or try and get the perfect light, or work in a darkroom to make someone’s flaws disappear by retouching.

All because I love the fleeting moments of life too much. I like indulging in them far too much and so much more than the capturing of them. I don’t really believe in taking in too much for later…I believe in enjoying these moments ridiculously now.

Letting them be fleeting and allowing myself and my family that indulgence.

That moment at the golf course and those leaves. The smell, the textures the light.

The lake and the way the leaves reflect in the shimmering water.

The sounds of the waterfalls and streams and their Fall and Spring cascades.

The look on my eldest son’s face as he tells me tonight that he is anxious about growing because he is scared if he grows too much before April that his new ski jacket won’t fit just right as it does today.

The look on my daughter’s face as she watched the ballerinas at the openouse with longing and passion.

The homemade lasagna and “moules” being prepared in the kitchen so perfectly with care and consideration.

The fire in front of me outlined by the windows with the stars and moon shining through.

My middle son and the way his face lit up last night as he described the 7 new friends he made and went to the movies with.

Can it ever really be captured? Should it?

Now I have just as many framed photographs and albums as the next…guilty as charged. I spend at least 3 full days a year organizing these pictures, and collecting them and framing them and displaying them. And the joy it brings to me and my family is beyond explanations.

I am also the person who is severely annoyed by the guy at the hip hop show who sits behind the videocamera and tapes his daughter’s dance. Or Mom at the choir show who makes all of our daughters poses after the songs instead of letting them giggle and feel the pride of their recital.  I don’t like the Moms who fight with their kids and scream at them and then make them pause for a pretty pose before they all start fighting again (that is me often!!). Often I just feel like shaking the person beside me (or shaking myself) and say:

Just enjoy it. Indulge. Let it Be. Let them Be. Imprint it on your mind and your heart. Breathe it it.

I also don’t like camera frauds. People who dress family up, make it look all good, but really it’s a fake moment. What are we trying to prove to whom?

Because I believe that a picture speaks a million words…and I will always believe that but I also believe that we often hide behind technology and don’t let ourselves fully absorb.

That we want to control those fleeting moments and try our best not to let them get away..when really they were all meant to.

And just like blogs, although we can capture a lot of the essence, we can never really capture it fully. Only life can do that to us.

As we live it fully and let it be fleeting. Because we can’t always catch what is falling and slipping away.

Somethings  are meant to be nothing more than lovely mere moments.

Happiness Project Update

I thought it was time for a little update on the Happiness Project I embarked on almost a year ago now. I have had a bunch of emails lately asking me if I am still committed to what I set out to do.

I think I am happier overall.

(Not sure if it is my actions or Relora but that’s ok).

If I look back on the goals I had set and the actions I had placed to achieve them I have been doing very well.

It’s hard to know if I am happier really as I am also entering a new phase of my life with two kids in high school and another one “shopping” for high school at the moment. So I am undecided yet as to how exactly I feel about this stage of my life. It’s a hard time to assess overall happiness when there is so much change and transition going on for our family right now. It’s a bit out of my comfort zone thus far.

Undecided.

One of the main elements of my Happiness Project was nutrition and exercise and for the very first time in my life I feel I have made significant progress in both of these areas.

I have really changed the way I think and commit to exercise and I have really changed the way I eat without feeling an ounce of deprivation (which has always been my goal).

I stand on the scale once a month and today was the day and I happily discovered I have lost 3.5 lbs! That was a really nice incentive.

Basically for exercise I actually look forward to it most days of the week and have somehow managed to make it part of my regular life as opposed to my old mentality of “something I grudgingly fit in”. I don’t know if I will stay like this forever but for the moment it feels good to have this new attitude. Am I a hard core runner or cardio girl? Never! But I have integrated moderate exercise quite successfully into my schedule and I am proud and feeling stronger by the day.

Food? Big one. It’s always hard for me as I love food. Food is the cornerstone of our family, my marriage, our traditions with the kids, our cottage life etc.. No one in my family is encouraging me at all when it means I have to eat less or differently than them. They all feel it is a major downer and I agree. Food defines a lot of our family and we all love it. We love our homemade stuff, our treats, our parties and our dinners out and in.

I am not unhappy enough with my looks or body to want to change that a whole lot  (and neither is my family I guess) although I would like to be slimmer like I was about 5 yrs. ago. Unfortunately (or fortunately for me I guess) I still really like the way overall I look and look in clothes so a red light has not gone off for me yet to make me give up too much(it really helps that two close friends own clothing boutiques and are phenomenal stylists and love dressing up my curvy body)!

However intuitive eating has become much more a way of life for me. I have integrated a whole lot more healthy things into my daily intake (protein, almonds, peanut butter on apples, hummus and veggies etc..) and taken out stuff that I don’t care much about ( 100 calories granola bar in afternoon, crackers as a snack before dinner etc..)

At lunch I always eat very healthy food but pretty much whatever I am in the mood for (except usually Fridays where rosé sauce at work  calls my name) At dinner where I am always less hungry I take smaller portions and try and limit carbs to smaller portions .Or if I am alone, I just eat something small like a whole grain muffin or a bowl of cereal.

I just eat what I am in the mood for. Nothing more and nothing less. I rarely feel full or hungry now.

And weekends I am really listening to my body and my hunger signs and cravings and before I eat something too salty or sweet, I try to stuff a little banana candy in my mouth for 10 calories (kids you know what I am talking about right???) and this works miracles and I forget about the other treats.

All in all I am the happiest I have ever been in relation to both food and exercise and I think it can only get better and better. I have gone from making these changes for what used to be only weight reasons to health reasons. This paradigm in thinking has been powerful.

So today when I stepped on the scale it was a nice and welcome surprise to be lighter, but I did not need it to feel good.

Shocking. Did I just say that?

So my Happiness Project will continue but in a different form as of November 2012. When on my favorite place ever on the beautiful beaches of Turks and Caicos with Hubby this year, I am going to shift my individual happiness project towards one we share.

He and I will hopefully map out on this trip what are goals are for happiness for the next year as we enter this very cool but very scary newer phase of our family life together. It will be important that we stay united and strong and overall happy together, as a family and individually.

Nothing like an aqua sea, a bikini and a vodka martini in hand to get the work done.

And I expect my husband (after reading yesterdays’ post about babies that scared him obviously ) to be a little weary.Of what my happiness project  proposals might include….but that’s ok.

As far as I am concerned nothing is off limits. Transparency and sharing has always being the cornerstone of our marriage and I intend of keep it that way no matter what internal wierd thoughts I am going through right now and how scary that may feel to both of us.

Chances are…..if I guess it accurately:

Our kids may be welcoming a new puppy into our home one day soon.

Or maybe not?

I am excited to see what we come up with. It’s always a pleasure to work on being happy. And most importantly allowing bizarre and crazy thoughts into the normal everyday mix.

To see where those thoughts take us in life.

And welcome what our next stage has in store for us.

Maybe it’s time for a Puppy

I saw the sweetest little baby boy today in the cafeteria at work. One of the Moms came back to show him off-he is 7 months old which is just about my favorite age ever.

He was wearing little Gap jeans and a striped sailor t-shirt and smiling all over the place.

For some reason, this little baby made its way into my heart. I did not even see him up close or hold him as I don’t know his Mom very well.

But he made me want one (another one) just like him.

He made me want to go home and tell my husband that we had plans tonight and get ready because we were going to make a baby together.

This baby reminded me of our babies. Even our daughter since she often wore her brother’s jeans and striped little shirts and had no hair for a long time. This baby was adorable.

So my heart was aching for one of those sweet little things. I thought he looked so darn cute all cuddled up in his Mom’s arms with his legs dangling down her chest and his little head turning everywhere at the sounds of voices.

I felt myself feeling “I want one of those”!  Give him to ME! Now!

Reality Check: Of course I am not going home tonight to make a baby. Even if I had the energy to do so, I am not going to be making one.

And if I am..it it not with my husband as we had his parts taken care of after our daughter.

And even if those parts were still baby making material he would divorce me before giving me another baby at this stage of our lives.

But for the very first time in ages I did not just look at that baby and think it was cute..I wanted one for me.

And when I really think about it I do not want one for a many zillion trillion rational reasons.  But it was interesting to realize that that part of me still exists that does want one.

The way a person wants a puppy.

Why did I have to become so maternal after my kids are well on their way to being all grown up???? Honestly I am a piece of work.

And I think the yearning is caused by many things and it is not coincidence that I am feeling this way. In a few weeks I will be 41 yrs old..so I think my body is saying to me “if you want it better hurry up really, really quickly my dear!”

I think my kids getting up themselves this morning without waking us and making their own breakfast had something to do with it.

I think realizing today that even if I offer to pay my son (I know BAD Mommy) to be on the school badminton team he will still say no.

I think I am realizing that watching Glee alone with my husband without my kids up is pretty weird.

I think I am realizing that having some time on weekends to go to Chapters or go shopping is strange.

I think I am realizing that I am in a very different stage than many of my friends considering one of the closest has a 3 month old.

I think I am realizing that creating a human with my husband was the most bonding experience in the world. To have both of us..in them. To me there has been nothing that has ever even come close to measuring up to that experience and that miracle. I remember moment for moment of each being born and my husband's face and what he said, and what he did, and who we called. I remember those three moments as the best times of my life (eventhough I am not very maternal right?)

I think I am realizing that my season is changing…but I may be all alone in my season and alone is very scary.

And I figure that adorable little baby might just make it all better.

 That would be a big project.

I love projects.

I love mastering them.

And believe it or not..as arrogant as this may sound…I think I am on my way to mastering raising kids (not teens) but kids.

I feel really good at it and successful and in my element on most days.

And not ready AT ALL for this time to even come NEAR ending.

I miss my babies in so many ways and my heart and empty womb are aching for them on some weird level not even understood by me.

Maybe this is normal?

Maybe this makes sense?

Maybe this is how I am supposed to feel?

Should I have a baby????

No I will not go and kidnap that adorable little guy from my colleague.

No I will not go and grab the cute 22 yr. old summer student at work and ask him if he would make a baby with me.

No I will not try and ask my husband to reverse his vasectomy.

I will consider buying a puppy. And let that image of that baby let it do to me what it did today. And feel all the jealously and sadness and yearning that went with it.

Wanting something that will not be.

And understanding and embracing the season I am in.

Plain old Yummy

I am a really cheap date.

I think my all-time favorite meal in the world is bought from a depanneur:

Shish taouk sandwich with extra turnips

Diet iced tea

(on really special occasions small vanilla treat from cupcake store in village with pink icing)

So today I indulged as worked from home so powerwalked to village, ate by lake (cupcake replaced by apple) and powerwalked back.

That simple meal is so yummy I would even consider running there to get it if I had too.

Sometimes life’s smallest pleasures are the greatest.

 

(PS-I know this is a very boring post). I hope my next hobby does not become Twitter. Pls shoot me if my blogs stay this uneventful?

Acceptance?

Is is possible to say you accept something even if you wish it was different?

Yes I think it is.

I think the defining piece of it all is peace.

Being at peace with the fact that although you would have wanted a different outcome that you are not going to get it.

Acceptance and peace seem to go very well together.

Today I was looking at pictures of a sports event that both our boys participated in…one looked widely enthusiastic about the event and for the other it was a check in the box in order to fulfill the requirements of the program.

Normally I would have looked at these pictures in frustration-wishing that one of them would be more passionate about this extraordinary opportunity (or if not then at least try to look like he is!)

But today….I just looked at the picture. Had a little chuckle to myself and moved on. I accepted what is not, and what is. Not only accepted it, but embraced it really and valued the impassionate character in that picture for everything else he is besides impassionate about running.

So that is a small example but it is also a big one for me. It made me reflect on many various elements of my life lately where my expectations might be different than actual outcomes and the choice I have when I am faced with various situations.

There have been work things, and family things, and marriage things and friend things and kid things and for the most part…coming to a place of acceptance of where that beloved person or thing is at that very point is the most peaceful place to be. Likely for them..and most certainly to me.

And it’s not complacency or passivity that I am displaying but rather the savvy to know what I can and cannot change. And more lately even asking myself the question: do I even want to?

Who says my way is the right way anyway?

What I can focus on is ME. MOI. What makes sense for me and my life? Focusing on getting what I need, and what I thrive on, and what I want to be happy and fulfilled. Aligining my own life in the right direction.

In the case of tween and teens….of course as a parent I have the inclination and responsibility to guide decisions and lives but only to a certain point. Their path is not my path and I feel lately how dare I interfere with it as long as it is not dangerous or harmful? Their lessons are theirs to lead, many will be taught in our family and many will be taught by the world.

I am not the only teacher in my children’s lives. There are plenty out there and I need to know that that friend at the locker, or that bus driver in the morning, or Brittany Spears on You-Tube or that teacher with whom a detention is spent…..all of their lessons are as important if not more important than my own.

And in the case of work, friends and family other than children? I feel it is my place to put my perspectives and needs out there, to discuss, to debate, to want..and to sometimes want more. To make me known. To ask for what I feel I may need. But that is where it ends. People are who they are and that is what defines them and what makes them beautiful. My responsibility is to ask myself if I can make peace and accept  our differences on a true and authentic level? Or not?

It’s a big comfort to feel in a place of acceptance. I am not there in all areas of my life, or even in most areas. It is a long journey for me and one that is filled with bumps and obstacles along the way. A true learning process.

However one thing I do know is that seeing my little dispassionate runner today in a whole new light…was really quite amazing. Instead of thinking “ Why is he not excited and passionate and smiling for the cameras”….I thought:

“I wonder what his passion is being saved for in the future? I am excited to standby and watch his own journey unfold”.

And the best part? I was not just saying that to myself..I truly believe it. Today at least..and today is always a start right?

Thanks a million Mom as usual for enlightening my heart and soul by your simple but important listening. If I am even half the Mom you have always been and are to me today….my kids passionate or not are all going to be plenty more than ok. Aren’t they Mom?

PS..Oh My!

 

 I had a big dinner party here on Friday night and guess what subject came up?

You got it: Fifty Shades. Just when I thought I got it out of my system.

Believe it I had recommended it to a fairly new friend of mine who is going through a major crisis. And I mean as in the most major ever. Was a risky move on my part After I did it I wish I could have taken it back.. My only goal: to make her smile a bit.

Mission accomplished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She talked about the book all evening and is going to Costco to get more (does she thinks she can buy them in bulk????)

Anyways I love that this lady loves Fifty. It confirmed to me her mixture of sweetness, sensuality, wickedness, eccentricity, lovability, daringness and plain old complexity even more. She got Grey..she was as turned off as she was turned on by it. Like all the rest of us.

Made me want to get to know her more.

I love daring books and books that connect people in the world all over the globe. It’s fascinating and unbelievable really to know that some little normal woman out there created such chaos in the world. Such strong reactions from all sorts of diverse woman and men around the world.

I love that she had this ability to have this effect on people. Shows how powerful the written word can be.

I love analyzing the reactions of people to this book around me. I find this process fascinating-it brings out so much strong emotion of people. No one so far seems neutral about this book. Seems to bring out all sort of unconscious wants, desires and fears.

This author really got the female population that is certain.

International Wickedness. Love it!

Textos

 I love texting.

I remember the first time I learned about texting was at my old cottage with one of my BFF’s who was texting a friend at the campfire.

I was intrigued. At the time I had kind of decided it was not for me….but boy did I change my mind.

Texting is such an efficient way to communicate and really nurtures relationships as far as I am concerned. Since I became a texter, I have had so many more close and fulfilling relationships. I know I sound like a Generation Y trying to convince you of the benefits of technology when really when you think of it a one liner is more alienated than a real conversation or an in person meeting? However for me it is the difference between closeness and distance for so many of my relationships.

A text has a sense of urgency that a phone msg or an email does not inherently have I feel. People who are good texters I feel often make awesome friends too.

And I am not an obsessive texter, and I try my best not to be addicted. I have to force myself to put hard limits on when and where I text (aka on weekend check phone not more than 3 times per day, at work mostly answer to texts only from my boss or over lunch hour, never put alerts on texts during family evening and dinner times , never keep phone by bed, never text when working unless working late at night etc..) if you don’t put these limits this would be seriously addictive. Just like anything else I do-texting has it’s time and place.

But I do find I have found my balance as a way to enhance my life rather than detract or distract and it really has made my life happier and fulfilled over all I would have to say. It feels as decedant and indulgent as any good cupcake.

I have a number of friends I text with. And we support each other through texts, humor each other, solve the world’s issues, and generally keep each other up to date. Some of my most important conversations have been had on text as crazy as that may seem…and for me it is a tool of companionship, closeness and warmth.

I text my husband and kids too. It’s my favorite  part of the day when the boys text me afterschool to tell me they are home safely and we have a little chat. My husband and I text when I travel for business and that is also a highlight. I have my texting buddy who we have very emotional conversations over texts and make important decisions about our lives, I have my text friend who send me almost love notes and letters and affirms our friendship many times per week, I have my texting buddy who makes me laugh and cry and reflect by text and keeps us  close and connected even with distance between us, and a few who literally bring me to tears with their comments and crisis in life that are sometimes so funny the way they recount them it’s like watching a good sitcom. And a couple of friends from work…who just get it ALLl…life would not be the same without them. Mom and I text too:)

 Im convinced that I have made more and better friends over the last two years because  of this form of communication. Three of my newer friends I am not sure we have ever even had a phone conversation on the phone ever. When I think about it that is crazy!

So do I wish I had the time to talk all these amazing people on the phone more often? Yes I do! Do I wish I saw these lovely ladies more often in person? Yes I do!

But the reality is I do not have that time very often and so I have decided to embrace reality and “love what is”. And it works super well for me anyways (and I guess for them since they still lovingly text me often).

And I do make time for my friends and family in person it is a huge priority for me and something that I have always done well. I do birthdays and Thursday nights out, family movie nights, Mom and daughter dinners, spa weekends, girls nights out and lots of parties and get together at our cottages or theirs. Friends and family are everything to me and Texting could never replace these people events but it certainly enhances them.

Texting is an easy way to assess where someone’s priorities are too. If they can’t find 2 seconds to write you back….you kinda get the message you are not a top priority right? It serves as a great check in with reality.

Texting as far as I am  concerned rocks. Sso do the girls (and boys) with whom I text. It had made my life richer and better and I will be forever grateful.

So nightie night btw and cu in 2moreo. Tessa! And lol bc u know it’s 4ever bebe. hahahh

Who Needs a Girl Anyways?

(Beauty no offense with this title-you get it right?).

Yesterday I took our two boys shopping for ski clothes. I realized that I have three daughters in this family-you should have heard them at it!. It took a year to decide on which helmet went best with which goggles and who got to have which ones. They fought like cats and dogs at that store. And they talked about the clothes the whole way there and the whole way back.

Who said boys don’t like shopping? Mine certainly do..That’s all they really think about even though they rarely have any money to buy any as they often don’t earn their full allowance.
Who needs daughters to go shopping and to the spa when you have two who’s two favorite activities on earth are going to buy clothes and get a massage?

Someone could have mentioned this to be when I spent years pining away at needing that girl? Couldn’t someone have let me know that it can’t get more girly or bonding than this?

But this morning …they were those traditional boys again. As my one my best friends said the others night about her newborn son “Boys are yummy”

They most certainly are.

This morning we got up before the sun was up as our boys are running part of the Montreal Marathon for school and we offered to drive a bunch of them all to the race downtown. We went and each picked up a number of friends in 2 cars and then met back her at home before leaving. A total of 10 boys all shooting hoops outside on our street, before the sun is up, all in their sports uniforms, with their sports hoodys, wearing the brand of their school proudly. All shapes and sizes, all athletic and sporty, all smart, smart, kind, wonderful boys.

I looked out my window and felt immensely happy and proud and delighted at these creatures..

Boys Rock.

So do Girls.

So extremely and utterly different and so very much alike on so many levels. I feel blessed to be able to get the chance to experience both. It was always by dream and was my Protector's too. It is one we always shared and we are getting to live it out together; I never want it to end really.

It gives me great, great satisfaction to be assisting these kids to grow up into adulthood. It is such an immense honor to play this role and to watch them sprout and bloom in front of my very eyes.
To know that one day…we will have men and woman at our dinner table and that Hubby and I created these beautiful creatures together…..it’s really a humbling thought.

Seeing the boys outside today all masculine and athletic and seeing them yesterday all decked out in their feminine sides reminded me of what I love about life.

And it is all topped my pleasure off fully to have a real Sleeping Beauty of my own.In her bed right now sleeping and missing that beautiful sight out of the window of all those boys. So I took a picture of it all for her ..and for me….to always remembers who they were before they became men.

 It is certain..that girls in this family…love their boys.

Irritated at Being Irritable?

 

Do you ever have the feeling at work that you want to bite someone’s head off? For no particular apparent reason?

Do you sit down at the table with your family sometimes and their mere presence drives you crazy and makes your skin crawl? For no particular reason?

As Fall approaches do you find yourself stressed, anxious and irritable in the evenings and crave the kids to hurry up and finish their homework so that you can go crawl under the covers and go to sleep earlier than usual?

Do you find yourself annoyed by the sweet touch of your family hugging you (which you normally love!) and find this gesture too exhausting? For no apparent reason.

Have I got a diagnosis for you!

You are suffering from major irritability!

Welcome to my world (in past tense in most ways).

I have felt this way often (for no apparent reason) since I got married. It worsened after having children. Throw in in-laws, second homes, and annoying people and the syndrome seemed to increase. It seems to heighten with lack of accountability , poor judgment and overall chaos around me.

I have never been able to nail it down to specifics problems or irritants just often a  general sense of irritability and annoyance between all the happy and wonderful moments of my life.

This can also happen at work, but more often happens at home.

Well I have found a cure for this….

It is called Relora.

It is a vitamin which as far as I am concerned is even more effective than Ativan and it does not even knock you out, paralyze you, inhibit you to drive, cloud your judgment, or make you fall asleep. You can combine it with as much alcohol as needed too.

Besides lessening your appetite (you heard me right all you skinny envy girls)! it just plains calms that irritability and you in general.

So now at the dinner table I am most often very calm and serene. Noise around me does not bother me as much. I can tolerate the sounds of children’s laughter and I laugh even in stupid boy robot movies.

I think I am a better friend, more patient daughter, and overall more pleasant person in this last 3 months since I started this natural supplement  twice a day. I actually really like myself lately. I am fun to be around.

I don’t usually promote things on my blog-but this was is too good to resist.

Plus there are a whole lot of people out there that I think could benefit.  I almost went up to a Mom in a grocery store the other day and lent her a pill-she looked like she needed it.

I would say that likely more than half my family and friend circle could use it. We have all been fairly irritated in the last decade or so.

I was convinced up until tonight that its effects were large mostly psychological. I mean after all how can a vitamin be so good???? And so effective???

However tonight after the work frenzy, I forgot to take my beloved vitamin. More importantly, I forgot that I had forgotten.

So there I was at dinner and old feelings made their way back into my life once again. That old familiar feeling of restlessness and disappointment for no apparent reason. The bitch in me was back it seemed. Feeling like the sounds of my kids loud voices would make me go deaf, and annoyed by how long sentences took them to utter out of their little mouths. My husband speaking French got on my nerves ( PS. he is French).

Then I remembered…Relora!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran upstairs and popped a pill and was happy with the knowledge that I was in fact not crazy and not under the psychological spell of this vitamin. Its effects were real.

I welcomed them back in my life.

Without worry or guilt since it is only a little vitamin after all. What a wonderful plant that produced this godsend..

Respecting Our Natural Rhythms

For years I told myself that I was a bad Mom if I did not want to eat breakfast with my family most days of the week.

I forced myself to eat Eggos, and took sips of smoothies that disgusted me. I sat at the table resentful, angry and exhausted.

Nagging, bitching or falling asleep.

I mean I come down super hard on families who don’t make time to eat dinner together…so why would breakfast be any different?

So we went through two years of forced happiness at our breakfast table where all I wanted to do was be on my laptop or blackberry in my home office shut away. Or out exercising before the day began.

This breakfast routine caused me hardship later on in the day too-as had less time to work in the morning before going to work which really works for me (lots of work in that sentence eh?); and often made me miss out on a morning power walk.

One day my husband said (sweet husband is getting back in my good books again this week) “Why don’t I just get up most mornings and make breakfast for kids and sit with them? I love making them breakfast and I need extra time alone with them anyways..."

He also loves driving the early morning carpool.

So for weeks and months I felt guilty and inadequate until I embraced “loving what is” Now I am a happy camper with our morning routines. Guilt-free and respecting what I want and need and also my husband and family’s happiness. Win-Win vs Lose-Lose.

So now morning is productive and good and healthy for all of us. One day a week Hubby sleeps in. Most days of the week when I come out of office, I am excited to give those big hugs and kisses and send them off on their day.

I often ask myself what we fight our natural rhythms in life, fight our own happiness really?

Make it a habit to respect yourself.

Disclaimer: For all  coaching clients or collegues who read this and say-“You are right then no family dinner for us!” My advice is: then make sure you have the family breakfast every morning. You have to choose at least one or else don't bother coming to see me this weekJ)

The Blessings of a B Minus

Great title eh?

I wish it were mine.

It is written by a great PHD Wendy Mogul and combines parenting techniques and the Jewish Faith.

Only half way through…but have already officially decided that if ever anyone made me become really religious one day…I think I will have to become Jewish. (It’s not going to happen but it’s still fun to think about).

I love this book. The expression from it so far that keeps running through my head is: Let God (Life) do the Work. Let Him do the work and follow His path.

I love that He and His is the child (your child) and not a mighty power. I love that the expectation is that God..means Life…and that your child is in charge of doing the work and finding his true path.

I have always heard from many religions the notion of we don’t own our children they are lent to us. It resonates with me.. But I love that in this book the kids own their paths; they make their decisions. They make their mistakes…they screw up….they recover and their God happily smiles down upon them with flaws and all. He accepts them for whoever they are and who they become.

This He knows full well that those little and big kids are supposed to make mistakes all the time and all along the way.

So I think I rather like the Jewish religion based on this book anyways. It makes sense to me.

There have often been a lot of things about various religions that I have admired…and many other aspects which really don’t sit well with me. Some parts draw me in and other parts turn me off completely.

I often feel a bit reluctant about writing about religion or politics on my blog since so many people have a differing view and belief systems. I never want to offend in any way, but on the other hand I think religious views are very important to people whether religious or not and it is part of my own growth to write on some of mine and explore these feelings.  Lucky for me I come from a close  and diverse circle of many people with many various beliefs. We are all very respectful of each sharing our own personal views.

For me, I  think the show-stopper in general about many of the religions I know about so far is that I perceive that they all hold that we are supposed to make mistakes and find your right paths, but yet the rules are often so prescriptive so to me a large contradiction in so many ways.

“Welcome to the pearly white gates of Heaven person….you can come in if:”

You have not had pre-marital sex

You have respected your neighbor

You have not screwed up to much in your life

You pray to me at least three times a day

Or if you have done all the above but still want a place in my Kingdom you must sit in a little booth and apologize for all your wrong doings behind a curtain and then..maybe I will let you in…

Etc..etc..etc…

Where is the mistake making part?  Where does that fit in? What about individuality and the people that might not fit into certain profiles....do they have to conform to be accepted?

So I felt like the God in the Jewish parenting book I am reading is someone who I could potentially get to know. Sounds like he is aware of his own shortcoming and imperfections and more than willing to let all of us humans also make a whole bunch of them.

In terms of parenting, what I appreciate about this book is that the Jewish faith expects parenting to be really, really tough and also life for kids and teens  to be really really tough too. There’s a lot of mental growing that goes on…and it is not to be taken lightly. Jews think life is better when it is harder.

That our kids, are different from us and as much as we think we may know what they need, or not need, or want or not want. We don’t know. And neither does a higher power for that matter.

Our children our unique beings with their own lives to lead, their own joys to discover and their own sorrows to cry. We can help and assist that path..but it never belongs to us or to anyone.

And we should not mold it too much or else we risk interfering.  Life is a series of lessons to be taught..

Let Life teach.

It's Magical

You get there and your feel as though it was always meant to be.

You feel like there is no question that you have made the right choice

The colors, the smells, the people and the activities

The status, the recognition, the aspirations and the choices

The determination, the motivation and the potential to succeed

Passion, persistence and peace

Some people’s favorite place might be the beach, the mountains, a quiet corner or Japan.

Mine happens to be going to the open house of the high school we chose for our two sons and where we hope our daughter will go in 2 yrs time.

It’s so magical.

Caution: Beware some major bragging below. Move over 71 Toes Blog..here I come!!!. Get ready to think I am over the top on this one.

And it not like I am an academic or even an intellectual by any means. Schools in general don’t impressive me. I don’t really care about this stuff much. Or at least I never thought I did anyway.

But something about this school tugs on my heartstrings like nothing else.

It is widely impressive and draws literally thousands and thousands of applications to get in.

 Move over Harvard!!!!

If you get a spot (which is a big, big if) it honestly feels as though you have won the lottery. And in many ways you literally have. I think given the choice if I knew all three of my kids would get in, into specialized programs like sports and dance, given the choice between that and a million dollars I would likely choose that. And so would my husband.

That is how important this is to us.

I won’t name the school as don’t like posting personal stuff about my kids and their information.

Around her in Quebec it is on the top of its class. We have a unique situation her in Quebec because some go to French school and some to English. English private high schools are very very costly so the majority go to public. French private schools almost everyone opts for because they are half the price of English and subsidized by the government to encourage French education. The majority of French Quebec’s want their kids to get these spots, even if still very costly, most won’t need to take out a second mortgage as they would for English private system.

In my opinion they are worth every single hard earned penny.

We got the bill for the two boys this year and had slight panic attacks, but quickly recovered when we reminded ourselves that the main things we are buying is 5 yrs. of pure peace (or so we have been told anyways and what we have experienced so far). We have decided that it is worth it to make room in our budgets for this.

So today was my daughter’s day. We visited exactly 1 year before she writes the exam so that she can be inspired and boy does this work. She came out of there and was asked by the principal on her way out to sum up in one word what she felt from the tour.

 “Excitant!”

Who would not be?

Honestly I think the open house today was better than any vacation day at Club Med or Beaches.  I am not even joking.

The intellectual stimulation in this school is over the top. About 25 international humanitarian trips per year organized for students are available. A complete distance learning curriculum available for when they are away at sports events, traveling across the world etc.  I pads and laptops everywhere you look, creativity rooms set up in each wing. The library looks like something the president of USA would use. The ceilings and old cathedral completely renovated and like the most beautiful churches I have seen in Europe. On a lake, all sports are done in the purest of beauty. Ballerinas on bars by the lake stretching.

The weight room at the gym by far surpasses any Nautilus I have entered. The food is like a 5 star hotel, the sports facilities are unparalled. Rock climbing walls the size of mountains, indoor full Olympic size pool, 3 gyms and full massive gymnastics plalestre. There are over 100 extra curricular activities offered and anything possible that you can every think of to do in this school.

The kids cannot leave the school premise before Grade 11 for lunch and, high, high supervision and teachers that are so involved it’s almost impossible to imagine where they find the energy.

And I have not even mentioned the academics or the expectations. I have never seen anything like this or have been able to imagine it. I could literally go on and on and on and on about this school.

It is magical.

The boys got accepted to sports programs so sports are engrained in heir academic curriculum daily and weekly. They touch 68 sports over 5 years (think scuba diving, parasailing, skiing, acrobatics, juggling and every sport you can think of it is one there)

They have to volunteer 100 hours, and participate in close to 15 marathons over the course of the program. Climbing part of Everest is an option as is skiing trips to Utah. There is nothing they cannot do in this program.

My daughter will apply to dance program and we watched the show today of the current students. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last year this school’s dance troop performed at Disney they are that good.They told my daughter today she has the body and the posture of a dancer. She is a dancer..this made her widly proud.

I just cannot comprehend that we can get this for a reasonable price in Quebec. I feel so so blessed that our kids are French speaking and that we live here.The problem is of course getting in. They take the very best and top of the class. One of my kids is that, the other was not and the future one TBD. BUT…….we studied hard…they studied hard…preparation began 1 yr. before and the amount of hours devoted to studying, preparing etc…was not countable.

We had laser focus as a family when it comes to each of them getting into this school. The kids themselves want it like nothing else. They fully understand what this represents. They get it and so does every single friend they have. Think positive peer pressure if there is such a thing.

Some may disagree and see this as over the top. We don’t. We see this school as giving our children the very best opportunities in life and if nothing else great role models and inspirations of passion. I don’t care what jobs they end up getting as long as they are happy. I care about what type of human beings they become.

This place for me is what a religious affiliation  and institutions may be to others. I rely on this school to teach my kids values, and right from wrong, provide beautiful inspirations and interactions.

And so far they have delivered on every level. Going there each day is an experience especially because of the specialized programs. I have never seen a school so full of young, enthusiastic, passionate and savvy teens. Plain old good kids.

My friend and I looked at each other the other day and agreed that each time we enter that building our heart beat pick in a pace and we worry “Can our kids actually belong here? Achieve this? Make it here?”

But they did. And they do. And that is the biggest pride ever.

And I may be naïve and have another story in a couple of years, but from where I can see from now all the teen crap that normally happens in high school is fairly non-existent so far anyways and we are have one already half way through (and yes yes maybe later in the year he will be drunk, and sneaking beer into a party, or sneaking his cell phone into his room and connecting with villains)

But for now…knock on wood…….there is zero. And likewise for all the parents I have spoken too. The workload is so high, as is the volunteer and parts commitments the kids seem to have no time to get into any trouble. Most are home on weekends with their families really just being big kids (so far).  The goal this school has is to fend this stuff off for as long as possible until they are older and wiser to be able to handle so many of these complex decisions. From what I have heard most of the teens stuff happens in Grade 11 as opposed to Grade 7. It is widely not encouraged and really frowned upon, and there are high high consequences (aka you lose your spot in the school if for even once you write a rude remark on Facebook). The rules are clear and followed for the kids to whom it matters.

Losing your spot at this school is not something any kid want. It is as important to most of them as it is to most of their parents.

Lots of pressure but loads of pleasure. Work hard-play hard. Perfect for our values and our goals.

So as my daughter prepares for the long journey ahead of her over the next two years, to write the exam, audition for the grueling dance audition and actually get accepted (which is uncertain for sure). I mirror her feelings of “excitant”.

She came home today and unveiled her chosen song “Great Time” Owl City and Carly Ray. We as tradition has it,  all jacked up the sounds as loud as possible and danced as a family along to the beat. To her song. Together. For her. For her future.

They each have a song that motivates them to get into this school and it is played before studying and preparations for the exam, right before the exam, right before the dance and sports audition and again when they receive the AMAZING news that they just got accepted to what we consider……:

Heaven…. really.

It’s most certainly where I would like to spend my time if ever I was given a second chance.