Birth of a New Tradition

I love traditions. Especially family and friends ones. And I am good at them too-the planning the organizing-all of it. I make sure they happen.

But it can take a lot of effort and sometimes I get tired. Although I adore traditions there is also a bit of a check in the box element for me too. This “should”  happen around Christmas time-I “should” be doing this at birthdays etc. Some of this comes from maybe my lack of a traditional upbringing and some of it comes from very often I find it so hard to upkeep traditions. 

Schedules of all getting busier and busier and a pain in the butt to try planning as often with everyone with the best intentions just doesn’t seem to work out a lot of the time anymore and frustrates me (and makes me grieve too the good old times )

But I still love traditions and it remains a top of my priority list when they do work out.These yearly events feeling filled to the brim with love and happiness. Makes it all worth it. I can't say I am a huge holiday tradition person but overall a huge tradition person in general throughout the year. The holiday stuff is ok but not on top of list-its all the other parts of year that matter most to me and what we do in between all the hoopla of Christmas.

But traditions that others plan and suggest to us to happen yearly are even better! And they rarely happen to me (PG being the massive exception and adore this one that Savvy pretty much takes over for the most part!!)

Hubby’s niece who 35 yrs old with two sweet girls asked us if every year she could come over the week before Xmas with her girls and have dinner and bake with my Hubby to hold up her Grandfather’s (my hubby’s late Dad )tradition of making mochas-and X-mas baking favorite. So we did this last night the tradition began! With Christmas music and kids of all ages sitting around the table and rolling coconut onto iced homemade cake between the teen's homework. Was so sweet to watch the bonding of Hubby and his sweet niece. And have all the kids there joining in on this tradition as it takes hours and hours to do this recipe as it is done in three stages. Patience is required.

And the best part????? Hubby has a baking partner!!! Really not my thing and never has been. I force myself to do it for his pleasure and company but now I have been joyfully replaced! So I went and wrapped all the gifts that were left to do! (i can be really really boring and flat sometimes and will admit it on this blog to keep it real)

I loved last night. Simple and special and happened on its own without me orchestrating t. Love it! And she insisted to do this every year…love that initiative even moreJ

I felt spiritual last night which is rare. I felt that Grandpa Max was up above looking at the  fun with a big happy smile from above at his united family in their traditions. I felt his pride in us all. For making what is important in life..count.

House of Love

I was not  expecting it at all.

(those are the best little surprises).

How could it be? He has not been here all week?

Beauty came up to my bed to say goodbye and she said “You are Pookie Bear right?” And I said yes I am. So it wasn’t her who left it.

Chase is not here and slept over after a party last night

Bear left at 6:15am with a friend to ski for the school for the day. He was up until midnight alone last night house watching for me. Could he have done this for his Dad?

He Did.

And it touched me so much.

No so much the card and the gifts…as much as what this day means to me from this day forth. That from now on Valentines to me..and the kids …and him will be :

Love in Action

This has always remained one of my most important values …and something that I personally strive for my whole life. It is half of our family mission statement and will likely be the title of another book I write one day.

It is so much more important to me than hearts on the kitchen armoires (which we did not do this year) or Christmas elves (which we did). It replaces baking heart shaped cookies (which we did not) and leaving special treats on the fancy tablecloth (which we did) When you go through big things (which we are)..Suddenly small things are not as important (which they are not).

This might just well be my best valentine’s day ever. And that is strange because I sit here alone (yet again it seems and never ending).

One son went to a party last night and slept over. The other left for a ski day at school at 6:15am and I did not get to hug him as I was asleep. My daughter will receive a rose of course at school that her father arranged for her of course (through me!) and I get no credit (of course) Last night she says to me “He will make sure the rose gets there. He said that no matter where he or I in the world are-even in China..it will find it’s way to me” “and THAT Mommy…… is what makes Daddy so special” (and looks at me as in HE will always be my number 1”)

Of course he said that and of course he invented the whole rose idea and of course he made the rose get to you today. And of course I am dog poo poo my dear-but I get it!!!! And I accept it!!!!! And I welcome it! You are Daddy’s little girl and HE is your hero……..and I could not be happier for the two of you that you share this together. It is beautiful actually.

And last night-when literally my life was on the brink of total chaos…I went and babysat for Soulkeeper and her Hubby so they could go out for Valentines. And I got to be barfed on three times but her beautiful baby. And I was truly grateful because it just made me realize how much I love them all and that I can give even in very hard times. And that giving to others especially in your own hard times….lifts you up. And it did lift me up in spite of the smelly mess. It truly did.

And then my my Mom…….the worst it has ever been……so unwell right now for so so so long. I can’t even let myself think about it or my heart breaks. And what it does to her life…and our lives….and her spirit..and my anxiety at this already so freetful and unknown time. But somehow we are all pulling through……detachment with love is my gift…the one and only true love in action that can offer..the one I have never been capable of before now…..believing in her and her capability to get through this. Allowing my life to matter too. Loving her and respecting her enough to let her live her life as separate from my own yet indirectly connected. Together but separated.

And Chase-wow…party last night for a friend’s bay. 6 guys sleeping over at the friends house and I did not check in and nor did he. I did not confirm the parents were there…I did not ask too many questions. He is 16 now……yup..things are a changing. 16! And it will all be ok too…my love in action for him this valentines day..belief..understanding and trust. To live his own life..and to make mistakes along the way. To respect his process.

So tonight Daddy will come home. And like any other valentine’s day in the past and the future it will be a family affair..and open to whoever wants to be there with no obligation. There will be no stickie hearts or valentines day’s cookies. There will be homemade dumplings with peanut sauce and a Thai noodle vegetable medley. There will be fudge and lemonade. And my new heart candles in the middle of the table. We won’t sit in the dining room like we usually do- we will sit in the kitchen. We won’t go out to dinner this year-we will stay in.

And you know what? I bet all five of us will be there tonight together. That’s just how it ends up in this family. We all just somehow end up wanting to be there..together . No matter what and when and who has what and who does not.

And finally me on this Valentine’s day. ME. Who am I? Where did I go? Who did I become? It may be the first Valentine’s Day that I have ever really even thought about me at all.But despite it all…and all the questions ahead…I am here..and my heart and soul and mind are all working in sync…I am present..I am in the moment…and I am not just surviving but  will thrive eventually. As a very very smart professional said to me this week "Tarina peace is HARD work my dear...you have to climb and climb and climb and climb that ladder. The ladder that you can now see. You have to feel and feel and feel and feel and not speak. And you have to let it all out to find peace"

I CAN DO THIS. And I will. Just watch me.

And when I do……when I get through all of this…..I know I will be totally qualified to stand up on that stage one day…

And teach the world how to do the same.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Shift to Be

The Shift to Be

I just read a great book on weight loss and happiness called “The Shift”.

After reading this book it became clear to me I was ready for my own (and my family’s) own type of shift when it comes to food and health.

There have been a few “subtle “hints lately leading me to think this:

My husband and I even after 4.5 days of vacation are still totally exhausted. We sleep all the time and nap anytime and everywhere. We used to easily walk 6 miles or more a day on the beach and now we find it an effort so far to walk at all! I am sure this will improve as of tomorrow or sometime soon but I think we are too tired and something is causing this. Food?

We both keep asking each other if there is something wrong with our washing machine because out bathing suits from the same trip last year seem to have shrunk.

Bear came home before trip with a pillowcase full of Halloween candy and a few days later we asked him if we could take a little baggie of candy on our trip and he said he has eaten it all. Then he asked if after his flu vaccine Didi could take him to the depanneur to have a treat. This made me think my children are (all) total pigs.

So it is time to shift!!!!

Here are a few rules I will follow when I am home. When I write them down it usually means I am committing to them. Especially when it is a public forum. My kids (and husband) kinda hate when I have a whole lot of time on my hands like this as I always come up with new “systems”J)))  It is so much fun for me anyways!!!

So here is what I am going to do when I get home:

Write everything I eat in a notebook

Brush my teeth after every meal

Weight myself and stash it in an envelope and then weight myself exactly a year later and compare (and every day in between but not write it down)

Only have one diet cola a day (vs sometimes two on weekends)

Never take seconds of anything

Only eat one carbohydrate (like bread or pasta or potato) per meal (this one will be friggin hard but better than eating none right??)

Consider a treat a treat. Not every mouthful or meal has to be something to look forward too or a celebration. Most days can just be ordinary (this one will be friggin hard too!)

Eat intuitively and don’t get tempted by tings that I could not care less about (like salad dressings, drinks, juices etc.)

Eat much more s-l-o-w-l-y (just typing this out slowly nearly killed me btw)

Only have desserts at home if we have baked them (since I also have a bad habit of not cooking or baking this will help this for sure)

Dessert can only be eaten 2 hrs. After a meal and not at night. And weekends only (as usual).

So there it is!!! Not too complicated right? If I have a large piece of paper I could stick these rules  on the bathroom mirror and practically not even see myself!

But seriously they may sound complicated to you but for me they totally resonate. For one of the first times I think I have the magic formula for me! I can shift I think with minimal intrusion. I can do this!

And as for the kids and family:

Much less processed foods

No more chips (only baked ones)

Make it and eat it dessert rule

No dessert until 2 hrs after meal

It is very difficult living with three tweens and teens who are like skinny minnies. They can eat ANYTHING and it would never show. I mean 6 packs abs and everything all three . Good good genes lucky them. Frustrating and deceiving. If they were a little chubbier we would have banned the bad stuff a long time ago.

It’s funny though because I make us sound like a Rosanne Bars house but it is totally far from the truth. We all eat very healthfully. Where we miss the train is on holidays and when guests come over and sometimes weekends even. We go overboard. During the week it is super healthy and no desserts and no treats and no fast food etc. We have lots of rules around healthful eating and actually none of us are big eaters….or overeat.

But my hips and Hubby’s belly this vacation is telling me it is time to shift. The fun is coming to and endL It’s time to grow up and have some restraint. The party is over. A new party is about to begin. Sure we will derail here and there and cheat here and there, but it is time to change overall.

I am actually excited. I guess this book was really really good for me. Somehow the message was wrapped up in just the perfect way for my state of mind.

PS-although the author’s shift although much simpler than my own with only three rules…..is way too drastic for me. Plain boring. I would rather be dead. In general I find diets a very very boring way of life. It bores me to pieces when woman order a salad with chicken.

PSS-Can this diet start after vacation? Trust me it won’t before then.  Living in a condo with this amazing chef for two weeks won’t allow that. On the menu tonight is beef teriyaki stir fry and garlic loaf and a Greek salad. Vanilla Oreos and milk to wash it down. We have been here 4.5 days and have only eaten out once! He has cooked everything. Lucky me:))

We are Foodies. We love our food. It’s kind of a religion. Thank god we aren’t too big or this really really would not work for us.

PSSS-I am so lucky to have a husband who looks at me and says I am beautiful all the time. He would way rather have a  bit of a tighter bathing suit on me (or him) then have me (or him) eating no pasta or bread. Guess we really are soul mates! I told him my plan totally and he was very unimpressed.

Going the Extra Mile

Doing things really really well has always been a quality in people I really really admire. Like when someone does something and looks at every detail, and does it to the level that is totally impressive. Totally goes the extra mile.

I don’t think I have this quality. And if I do, then sometimes and in some situations , and certainly is not present at all times.

Sister Savvy totally totally does. It totally blows me away. When she does something…..she really does something. She does it really really really well. Like when she plans a trip….or starts a new transition in her family….or commits to something in her life she wants to take on…..whatever it is she commits to….is executed seamlessly.

I admire that a ton. And I mean a TON.

I have always benefited from it as a close BFF. I go on nice trips because of her referrals, at get-togethers there are treasure hunts and commercial makings…my kids went to tennis camp at her place. Riding the waves of this success…love it. This blog was even her doing. I was totally anti- blog and now I am only half anti -blog! (and I even have one myself!!)

Last night Beauty received a special delivered package in the mail for Phenomenal Girls weekend which will be a yearly tradition. Me and Beauty and Leah and her daughter Zandra will meet at hotel half way between our houses in Kingston and be phenomenal together. Savvy put together a whole list of stuff for 12 yrs old girls involving mind, body and spirit. Each year it will follow the girls stage of development and will take them into periods, and dating, and university and marriage. The wives of our sons will be included one day too. Did I not tell you she does things well? There will be social, physical, spiritual, academic everything in this weekend. Focused on being a girl/woman and what that means.

There is a book club associated to it and a book to read in the invite, pretty paper, a laminated beautiful poem about being beautiful inside and out by Maya Angelou…….everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there is even a sticker on each separate envelope!!! And it has polka dots on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!

I honestly can’t even describe how beautiful this package is. I won’t even take a picture of it and put it on here because it is just too beautiful for even that.

And she planned this all. I think I sort of helped with the initial idea a bit but beyond that this is all Savvy. All of it. She told me every year she is going to do this for the rest of the girl’s lives!!!! Every year!!! Thank god I don’t have to take my turn and plan this out as I think it might be a bit of a letdown for the girls to receive a scribbled on post it note in the mail and have an agenda involving them playing in the pool while Savvy and I discuss blogs all day long right????????????

Anyways blew me away with gratitude I tell you.

It has been one hell of a week for me and this just lifted my spirits way up high. Last night when I got home at 11pm after a beautiful evening with friends, but a very long and stressful day of worry with my Uncle in surgery until 8:30pm…this invite was exactly what I needed. Perfect timing.

This part must be read aloud to Savvy’s 5 kids: Do you have ANY idea how lucky you all are??? I bet you do. To have a Mom and SMom like Savvy? This woman knows how to do things well and because of it your lives are going to be rich and beautiful and fulfilled. You will be taught and adored and loved and disciplined and grown and watered with care.

Lucky, lucky lucky you.

And lucky me and my kids too for riding shirttails. Tennis camps and Phenomenal girl weekend, possible missions one day….hopefully reunions one day……it’s just all so lovely isn’t it?

Savvy accesses stuff in me that is there but dormant. I like traditions a lot and do many-she loves them so I focus more on my own and so mine become more deliberate and better. She loves blogging and I like it alot so I end up thinking about it more and loving it more. She is very religious and so I pray through her and she lets me. She tells me things and I repeat them because she is so smart that if she says them they must be true.

At dinner last night a girl I was with was talking about a friend of hers who is a Stepmom and said “I really lost respect for her when she took the daughter to a shopping spree for her graduation…..that is the Mom’s role and she really overstepped her boundaries”

I jumped in and said very directly “There is enough love to go around!!!!!! They can each take her and shop on their own!!!!!!! She is allowed to love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” my poor friend looked at me funny.

Savvy said it…I believe it. That is just the way it goes. She is the smarter one and that is why her name is Sister Savvy.

I look forward to a lifetime of PG. Thanks you from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful and kind gesture my dear. It truly touched me and Beauty on profound levels. I can’t wait to be lifted in October by your thoughtful agenda.

PS-did I mention I love the little round stickers that close the envelopes???

 

 

Are We There Yet???

 

Laser Focus has always been a trademark of mine. And of our family. When we commit to something it is 100%. We lean in a lot….to a lot of things…one important thing at a time.

But heck I am getting tired of laser focus! Really.

Our laser focus since June has been having Beauty get prepared and study for the high school exams coming her way in 2 weeks (less than two weeks now-yikes!!!!!) This is the third time around now too since both boys went through this process. And god is it hard.(and I am not even the one to has to increase my general culture by 99% in three months)

So hard to find the discipline to make time for Beauty to study, on top of normal studies and normal life of course. I feel so sorry for the kid. She is handling this like a pro though. Part of why we do this is to see if the child has what it takes to prepare for exam-to see if she can hack it to meet the requirements of the five years she will be there academically.

And we are doing only half of the prep we did for our first child as we know that if you over prepare and it sways results too much, the school may not be a good fit in the end.

But man I am proud of this girl. She certainly deserves her fish!! (her gift if she studies hardJ))) Besides her commitment and discipline I am not sure I have ever seen such clear and clean and beautiful handwriting.

Laser focus for this means that everything comes second especially this month of Sept. My Mom is coming and starting a new tradition tonight  (yup!) “Grammies Night”-where she comes over and cooks dinner and brings it and we all hang out once a month on a school night. Yahoo! It is supposed to include a TV show after dinner…but good old laser focus has to go ruin it and Daddy and Beauty will go study together instead.

So although I believe a ton on laser focus I am feeling two things lately 1) I am tired of it 2) I have too many things in our lives that require laser focus.

And today was just a weird day overall. Everyone and everything is quitting on me lately…I can’t take it anymore. We were all sooo thrilled that Beauty got the BEST grade 6^th teacher ever. Well you know the story…She is so sweet and nice that she went and got pregnant. Like seriously…can’t you wait lady? We liked you (not anymore).

Did get an email today though from an angel….someone kind and sweet and wonderful just out of the blue. That made my day a lot. A TON.

And started my day hand in hand with my man in the sun for a beautiful walk by the water so that was really nice before a crazy, chaotic and hectic day

And tonight going to enjoy Grammie meal…how sweet is that eh?

So I can’t wait until Sept 28 is over and done. But then comes the three other exams (cause we can’t guarantee she will get into first place) of course all on Saturdays before the sun rises. Then of course the dance audition of 3 hrs, then all the open house s for CEGEP for my son for 2 yrs. from now but here we are early looking.

Life is a wild ride.

Laser focus is needed if we want to achieve our dreams. And our kids dreams.

But gosh it takes a lot of energy doesn’t it?

In analyzing my blood pressure today I realized that life in general gives me high blood pressure. Told a friend and she said “Great title for a book!”

 

 

 

Lighthouses

Tall and strong. High up in the air.

Getting to see from afar what you may not be able to see closer to the ground.

Letting you play in the waves-have fun and frolic

Reeling you in and providing light when you are in danger

Nor being afraid to shine upon you

Looking at you and guarding you from high above-keeping watch

Providing gentile light when needed and being there when it really matters and even when it does not matter

In the daytime being a beautiful piece of history people climb and visit and take pictures of

Being a symbol of strength and light and wonder

Knowing the lighthouse will continue standing through the years. Be strong. Be there.

Will weather will the the storms but never fade. Will continue standing and providing the most beautiful of light.

In big moments, small moments, everyday life

The lighthouse always stands

Your light…

Your lighthouse

Choosing to shine upon you.

Letting the light in.

Letting yourself to strive to become the light

Showing you what it means to shine

One day

Soon.

Last night we spent a really special evening with some really special people.

As they left with their three babes  at 12:30 am it reminded us so much of when our kids were that young age (5,3,1) and when we would go to friends’ homes, put our kids to bed in playpens at 7:30pm and then have the evening to spend with the adults,. Then wake them up at 12:30am and take them home. All so well sleep trained that this was perfectly ok and a ton of fine.

Soulkeepers kids are like this too (thanks to her and her Hubby and all the training, consistency and structure they provide) I looked back with good memories and fondness when I saw them leaving with their lids…….it reminded me so much of us. That they have such a rich family life but also just a rich life in general.

We invited Soulkkeeper, her Hubby and three kids for a special evening at Trent. We have been thinking over the last year what a major influence they have become in our parenting of teens and were wanted to underline that role they are playing and continue to play. We used the symbol of a “Lighthouse “ to reflect the evening and it’s importance to us.

After their kids went to bed we had a dinner with our three kids and them that lasted a couple of hours. We shared with our kids how this family has help be a lighthouse to us over the last 5 yrs. and watch out for us and we navigate our ways in the water. We shared with them how being a parent has so many invisible steps that they don’t see (the anxiety, the worrying the big decisons made) and that these two people as a parenting team have helped us guide our children. We talked about Chase and Concerta and all the research we did, we talked about Bear’s surgery and him not getting into the sport program initially because of it and the advice and direction and celebration they provided us. We talked about Beauty and the way Soulkeeper has helped me access certain parts of myself and herself as mother and daughter. Then Protector marked a toast and really beautifully thanked them both for the support they have provided in the last couple of months behind the scenes to me with some struggles he has been dealing with. This was a wonderful example for our kids to see how adults can struggle too (like all of us!) and how they need friends. How confiding weaknesses and not just strengths is how you can access the best in your friendship.

Sun and clouds. Both. Sharing it all.

It was an amazing discussion and although our three kids very quiet and silent most the time they were very very engaged almost like sponges Soulkeeper said absorbing it all in.

Then Soulkeeper said some beautiful things and so did her Hubby. He really talked a lot about me and my parenting and how much I was devoted to both the short and long terms happiness of my kids. It actually brought tears to my eyes how he described me-how he saw me. And that he shared this with my kids. It felt so wonderful to hear myself described in that way. It actually shocked me, and touched me on a profound and deep level.

And then we enjoyed the rest of our evening. The kids went to watch a movie and play on ipads and we just talked and talked and talked. Mainly girls and guys seperate. Me and Soulkeeper went on the dock and talked and went into Jacuzzi and the guys sat and drank wine all night on the porch and talked about boats and fish.

It was an important night for me and one where we really celebrated a role that might be seen as invisible for our kids as they don’t really understand what goes on behind the scenes and bought it to life for them. They got to see a lot about friendships and love and have it articulated to them which are rare for teens.

They got to have the vision of a Lighthouse stuck in their minds. They got to see love in action. They go to see that when something is important to me I make it important to them. They got to see that when it comes to teens it is damn hard!!! And that I need serious help!!! Soulkeeper and Hubby are both specialists in teens. Worked for years and years with troubled boys in juvenile detention etc. They are a massive source of knowledge and support and I basically go to them –tell them my problems and let them tell me exactly what to do!!! Love this. this was my method when kids were little too-look at someone who knows what they are doing, read a lot and make sure you agree and let them tell you what to do-Works wonders as far as I am concerned!

Nothing changes. Their family remains what they have always been. It was simply articulated in words which I think is something that in life we all don’t do enough of. Take the time to bring out what is inside.

Make time to tell people how very important they are to us and how they have impacted your lives in such special and meaningful ways.

 

 

 

Creating Cousins

Our kids have a number of “real” cousins.  And they are very close to many of them. Very close. They have cousins their age and cousins quite a bit older too. The highlight of their year is when they get to spend time with them..and we make it a big priority.

Besides their family cousins we also have other “cousins”. Friends and their kids so close to them that they are considered cousins. I love this.

Right now our two boys are with Sister Savvy’s 5 kids for the week in Toronto. Took the train there and everything alone for the first time. Mornings to relax and afternoons at tennis camp. Evening hanging out, going to soccer and baseball, dinners. It all just makes me so happy. It is so nice of our friends to invite them into their lives and home. I am purposefully not calling the kids this week (and only texting them once a day) to give them that space to be with our friends and their family. To live among them.

Last night I got the sweetest text from Bear letting me know how he was and what they were doing. It sounded all so grown up. And independent. And without me. He sounded so happy and safe and secure. I loved reading his texts.

This trip away for the boys is so much. Means so much.Is such a blessing. In so many hundreds of ways that words could not even begin to articulate. For me it said it all last night when Rob wrote me and said ”We are having a great time and hopefully the start of a tradition” Those words touched me so much. On so many levels

These are our people.

My kid’s people.

We have built a village together and made it grow (with 8 kid’s total it truly is a village) I am looking forward to family reunions and PG weekends for many many years.

This visit..the pictures…the meaning..the texts everything about it kept me smiling for many hours in bed. There is just something about it that felt like home. Right. Good. Beautiful. A whole new chapter of our lives together.

And then this weekend we had the Sweethearts and Holidays all weekend at Trent. As usual it was sooo much fun. We calculated that these kids
(and we) have been spending about 5 major events per year (New Year, Trent summer winter, regatta, fall dinners) for most of their lives. More than 9 years now and never missed an occasion. They have all grown up with each other and range in age from 4-16 yrs. old.

We realized that the three couples and all the kids have been there for everything. We have truly witnessed each other’s lives. No secrets ever needed  and everything shared. Living alongside each other.

We all attended this INCREDIBLE  party our family was invited to on the lake because of Beauty’s ski team. All 4 ski teams were invited (that is more than 300 people!)  Clearly it is a mansion and when I say mansion. ..You can honestly not even imagine. They told us to bring all our friends... so 15 of us showed up in our boat and docked! After getting off the boat the property is sooo big we literally never saw each other for many many hours or had any clue where any of the kids were.

Huge go cart track, arabraska, zip lining, 14 boats, jet skis, surfing (many boats kids size to drive alone) Huge staff, counselor, sport counselors, massive catered meals, open bar…anything and everything. IT WAS COMPELTELY SURREAL. Honestly after we all left it was silent in the boat and we all just kept looking at each other and nodding our heads in shock that some people live like that…..OMG!!!!!

It was an amazing experience and day to remember and one more thing that this crowd experienced together…we were blown away.

So between this crowd and the two beautiful friends taking care of my boys this week …the phrase “creating cousins” comes to mind.

It is not only family that can hold that title is it? It is the relationships we nurture be that be blood relations or non-blood relations. It is what we water, and groom, and take care of that grow…It is the people who are there always, and consistently and forever that get the privilege of being in that growing garden. They get to have sun and rain on them depending on the weather and God's will that day..

Others may be sprinkled with water, get little drops, be in partial bloom, have slants of sun on their faces.. but they don’t get to be part of the real garden alas. How could they when they did not grow it?

My garden feels bountiful today. I feel blessed. By my own strength and the strength of others.

For the storms I have survived and the rainbows that have followed.

Blessed for my life and the way I am choosing to live it. In the wonderful company of those who truly love us.

The Perfect Blend

Girls and sushi, poutiness and frozen yogurts with gummy bears. Sleeping in the living room and hiding from all ghosts.

Boys and steamiest, poutines, movies and reruns of their fave shows.

Lots of shoes by the door and Diet Coke (without caffeine)

Boat rides and tube rides in the blowing wind. Sand dunes and swims and Frisbee throwing

COTTAGE CLOTHES (I JUST LOVE LOVE LOVE COTTAGE CLOTHES) pls take special not of my daughter's funky purple suede coat paired with pink pj's and some kind of mismatched dress worn over. I love love love the old Grampa robe my son is wearing. Nothing in the world makes me happier than cottage clothes literally.

Broken Jacuzzis and ladies screaming at men to come fix it NOW!

Food all around yummy both simplified and in abundance. Chili, pulled pork sandwiches, homemade mac and cheese summer pasta.

Lots of sweets and treats. Cake pops, hello dolly bars and smore dip

Happy hours on the dock with crackers prepped by sweet boys. Some with jam and some with red pepper jelly

Trampoline galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Badminton galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“How I met your Mother” Galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who do you want to marry game in Jacuzzi? A boy or girl? Times are a  changing!

Adult Jacuzzi at night in the dark under Mars

Broken Boats and Miracles

Amazing and loud dinner conversations

Kids cleaning crews

Scavenger hunts

Funny homemade commercials

Bali beds and kayak rides

Swimming to the dock (the cool gang lol) and saying Happy Summer!!!

Hair-ties and talks about periods

Booby jumping

Cozy clothes and lots of blankets

Waking up late and lounging around

Singing desserts

Learning. Bonding. Knowing. Blending.

 

 

 

These are the perfect days of summer

Spent in the best of company

Sister Savvy and her amazing gang. I am in awe of what she has created. What they have created. From our spa robes….to this.

I am glad that our family gets to be part of their amazing family too.

Love. Laughs. Good times.

Keeping children children for as long as we possibly can. Trent provides the perfect place for just thisJ))

Cant wait to go to their place in OuterBanks one day!!!!!

Reflections

 

Today we started a New Year Tradition that will carry on year after year. I have to say it is one of our best family traditions yet…it was so meaningful.

We started our day out after a big party last night by going out to a family lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. Everyone was allowed to order what they wanted and not have to share or order off a kid’s meal menu. We also all got to order our favorite dessert. We talked and laughed and chatted and just enjoyed a leisurely family lunch together with nowhere to rush off too.

At the cottage as it got dark, in the early evening we did our Reflections Time. We all sat around the fire, and we lit 6 candles all joined together which symbolized the 6 of us (including my Mom who was not part of this reflection, but is such a big part of our family we include her in virtually everything whether she is present or not). The candles were also a symbol of not saving fancy things and indulging ourselves at special celebrations. Bear had bought me for my birthday a set of beautiful candles in the shape of flowers that seemed too gorgeous to burn. Our burning of them tonight symbolized our value of experiencing and indulging in beauty. Of enjoying each other and beautiful things.

We first each reflected in the dark only lit by candlelight on the year of 2012 and what stood out for each of us. What defined this year for us in each of our personal ways? We went around and each communicated what these things were for us and explained them to each other. It’s amazing how having these conversations took us to the very soul of each other each one that was uttered, surprised me in many ways and gave me great insights into my family’s hearts.

From buying a sailboat, to getting a 90% on a math test that was extremely motivating, to the pride in making the big commitment to join the ski competition team, to the paradoxical liberation of a diagnosis of ADHD, to the pride of writing the first few chapters of a new book with someone very well known, to the challenge and accomplishment of the acquisition of a new office, to the ruptured appendix and that even though was in 2011 has been such an integral piece of so many other pieces it has to be named, to the firing of an employee, to the decision around the family cottage that led to better sibling relationships, to the choices around family and friend relationships, to the death of a cherished man who’s passing changed each of us and the relationship to his family forever in different ways, to the sale of a boat which made our lives simpler and therefore so much better in so many ways. To all the academic achievements that I had never realized were so very important to my children.

I loved hearing us all explore and share what defined 2012 for us. I love that we created this tradition together. This was probably the highlight of my entire year of 2012…this candlelight ceremony even though it happened on the first day of 2013. That is telling in so many ways.

I especially loved hearing my husband share his long list. I felt proud to be married to such a wonderful man and doting father. It was amazing to hear  “que ca m’avais vraimanr touché cet annee” over and over and over. I married the best of the best.

And after dinner we will continue and look forward to 2013 and light our candles again and reflect on what we want to accomplish, or feel, or be, or become in this New Year. A renewal of sorts. Not New Years resolutions by any means….but an importance that my husband and I share that we hope we are making important for our children that usually things don’t just happen in life….you make them happen. You dream things to life. You focus on them at the level that is important to you, and they become important. You change the world you live in….by your own intentions.

And the dinner being prepared tonight part of our new ritual too which is a bit of a Sabbath in a way. A commitment to renewal on certain holidays and vacations and which will become part of our Saturday night rituals. Part of my invisible to do list that I have committed to. Whenever we are together as a family there is always one or two in the kitchen helping cook, setting the table, playing music, being together. But as they have gotten older there has also been one or two watching TV during that time, and it’s just not the same as the good old days where TV was not allowed during meal preparations. So our little Sabbath time (aka renewal time) will now come back to our roots of meal preparation on Saturdays or holidays as something more sacred. Music on, some dancing, sitting around the counter, preparing food. It can also include other renewal activities such as showers an taking care of our bodies, or reading by the fire, of getting fresh air outside, or writing as I am doing now. Each of us to decide what renews us outside of computers and TV. A commitment to ourselves, and our families.

All sounds wonderful right? In theory yes. In practice not as easy. As I write this I can hear my kids fighting downstairs and my husband getting angry at them. My daughter has just come upstairs and told me her brother is retarded and that she is not going to pay her magic set with him. Another child I can hear is raising his voice a tone too loud and complaining about not being able to relax and watch his movie that he had started.

But I also hear a lot of laughter, and debate, and time being spent with their Dad without me in the room which is also very important. I can hear them learning to make tacos, and negotiate who will play with whom. I can hear olives being chopped and hugs being had.

I can hear life happening. And more than anything that is what I believe I want to give my kids. And more than anything in the world I will always be striving for that above anything else.

And even if the picture is far from perfect, and life is far from easy, and we in no way resemble some of the blogs I read about where everything is rosy……I believe that I am not taking the easy road out, but always striving for:

Following a road that I believe is the right one. While they are in my care and while they are still mine. Before they make the decisions around who gets to watch TV when.

Until then, I will always find ways to have them reflect. And have them be part of this beautiful and crazy family that they got lucky (or unlucky) enough to be part ofJ

Scrooge is Leaving!!!!

 

It’s funny how little things count.

Putting more emphasis on Christmas and being more deliberate is really working for me.

Take for example what I am wearing. A shiny purple skirt, a red silly top and a glittery red sweater. Sounds atrocious no? It isn’t ..I have been told countless times today it is adorable.

We had a Christmas feast today at work that was served free to all employees (yes I work for an amazing and generous company) and there was Christmas music in the background. And I noticed it! And I actually listened to it! Last night on the way home from work I found myself humming a Christmas Carol. OMG.

I liked doing our X-mas baking (and not delivering it). I enjoyed doing the 25 cards I wrote of gratitude to people who have really helped our family this year (instead of the 1000 that can be sent if I send to all) and I have loved picking out cute America Eagle underwear for my sons and girlie gifts for my girl. I am actually looking forward to building our gingerbread house on the weekend and don’t indend to use Crazy Glue on it to keep it together.

I did not buy Bear Bieber Fever boxers this season so hopefully he will not run away like last year.

I like wearing sparkly eye shadow for the festive season and I especially enjoy hiding Snowballs at the end of the day (most days of the week).

who the hell am I?

I think I am officially enjoying the lead up to Christmas this year more than other years! Hallelujah. It’s a miracle!

We are taping a bunch of TV x-mas specials on TV and I am finally feeling as of last night that I can catch my breathe (a bit) at home and work. I feel like I have run a marathon and coming close to the finishing line (until the next crisis). I might even take a little walk tomorrow morning at 6am.

So I still find it odd to watch a show with Michael Bubble talking to Elmo but it has a heartwarming element to it too. I can see that. I still think it is a bit weird how people send gifts and cards to people they gossip about and talk behind their backs for the rest of the year, I still think Christmas is WAY too commercial. I am still bored to bits by reading blogs of stay at home Moms and what Christmas crafts and books they recommend…BUT……I am enjoying leading up to the holidays more than other years for whatever reason.

I am especially going to enjoy being on vacation at the cottage for 2 weeks. Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the best part? I think it makes Christmas more fun for my kids and when I think that within 5-10 yrs I might have nasty girlfriends and boyfriends and daughter in laws sitting at our Christmas table hogging MY children and our family time…I better make Christmas as pleasant as can be for the years I have them for myselfJ)