Please be Over Soon?

I feel so sorry for my boys these days. They have no life. All they do is study. Finals are over at the end of this week and have been going on for two weeks straight. Poor them.

There are many upsides to private French high school-but this is not one of them. It is a downside. They study and study and study and study especially near finals three times a year. In between it is more reasonable for sure but there is never a weekend that there is not at least 5-6 hrs. Minimum of homework and study.

I tell my kids everyday almost that I could never ever have done what they are doing now….it takes real devotion and really hard. In two languages too.I was smart –but could not have done that. But sometimes I wish I did and was pushed more. I wish I would have been head of surgery or something..I think I could have been pushed a lot more.(also I would have needed to like science and blood!)

We knew this going in. We always dreaded the year that we would have all three at the school together and all three in programs. Don’t get me wrong it is the best opportunity ever and we are blessed but the amount of work for them and for us to admistrate this is huge. It’s a huge commitment.

Next year is the year. Both boys in sports and Beauty in dance. It’s almost a full time job to administrate. And a double full time job for them to actually pass a year.

But it is all worth it and that is what I keep telling myself and my husband reminding me of. The education they are receiving is outstandingly incredible. The skills, the academics, the environment, cutting edge technology, the sports etc. and it literally keeps them out of trouble-they are way way too busy for trouble! Let’s hope that sticks right until the end. So far so good!

And don’t get me wrong I don’t think they will have any superior education in an of itself than any other school. For me what they are getting is life skills, values, SUPERVISION (aka my 10 grader is not allowed off property for lunch etc.) For me this is gold as a career mom and I need this like oxygen..

And one thing I have realized about my kids is they are very very autonomous and independent (thank god as I could not handle more of the load than I have). Five people I know in the last 2 weeks have told me that they do homework with their high school aged kids and study with them for all their exams. I would literally kill myself if I had to do that. Plus I am simply not smart enough!!! What the kids study is way way above what Hubby and I know! For real! And hubby went to law school!

So study habits my kids have that is for sure. They are so self-sufficient I have no clue (unless I ask) what they are working on, when things are due, etc. It has been a work in progress but we have arrived at our destination of academic independence. Beauty will need a bit of support in organizing her agenda and schedule for the tornado that will hit her next year with the transition from public primary to private secondary-but she has seen her brothers go through this before so a bit easier for her to adjust I am guessing.

Anyway I can’t wait until this week is over! And the kids are free! And they can do chores again! And we can laugh and swim! And we can all eat together! We have raised such academic focused kids at this point that studies come before everything. We beg them to take breaks and it is no no no during exams!!!! They are relentless.

Let’s hope it all pays off somehow. Who ever knows really eh? I don’t think it’s for their future careers really as much as I think it is for the well being and safely as teens. The teen world is a rough one..I am glad to have my kids locked up and studying and doing sports and dance almost all the timeJ  and when they go out..they are thinking about getting home early to sleep to start over again the next day.

Welcome Soon summer!!!! Yay!!!!

 

Experience as (the only) Teacher

 

I have come to realize after many many years of resisting this concept…that experience is really the best and only teacher.

You could tell your kid ten thousand times that his hands will freeze if he does not wear gloves in -40 below weather..but frankly until his hands freeze he actually won’t give a crap.

And in today’s society of treating our kids as little princes and buddhas and gods and trying to protect them from all harm out there..and manage their loves ..and their values, is certainly does not help them experience life. But we all do this now…scream at the coach who screams at them…text the bully who calls them names….force them to go to their confirmation classes at church weekly to sure they get to be confirmed …fight their battles for them.

And go to bed in silent tears when we know our kids are unhappy. And think of anything we can possibly do to prevent their unhappiness next time and fix it up this time.

Completely opposite of the generation before us-our parents-who I am quite convinced barely looked at our report cards at the end of the year. So something big happened in the last two decades didn’t it? And something that will not have a positive effect in my opinion for our kids in the future.

I saw this in action with Beauty the other day. We went shopping at a big mall-she had her own errands and I had mine. We each had phones. Normally as a 12yr old a  non brainer..Meet at a meeting point and check in by phone often. Except Beauty went missing three months ago and we had a security team after her. Traumatic and memorable.

 

So we tried again..and man this girl was on the ball! (so were her two brothers who spent 20 mins with her prior explaining all the rules, showing the phone, testing the phone, charging the phone, lecturing her over and over ) God I love big brothers. So she was amazing……amazing…..it was phenomenal to watch this…for her to have connected her past experience..change her actions and adjust behaviour..all on her own. She is now a role model for safely in shopping centers!

And I see it with my boys too. I am so less grating on their nerves and interfering in their lives only a quarter of what I used too. (except for chores!) I let them live their lives now for the most part with guidance and support and comfort. I watch and listen and learn…and I see them grow. It is quite amazing-I honestly can’t believe I got there. With school too-fully on own..their marks and results belong to them. What a difference this has made in their lives. They finally all truly truly truly care. Because they fully own it.

We are finally doing family celebration for Chase  belated bday tonight at a resto with my Mom and Chases invited two friends on his own because he decided not cancel his 16^th b-day party. He came up with this solution and owned it (even though he knows that we don’t invite friends at family dinners for bday). But he is 16 now and has his own ideas of what traditions should be like, and what he likes. He figured if I was wil ling to spend $400 on skiing certainly I would pay $75 extra for his two friends for dinner. So he made that decision and went for it. Interesting…and shows confidence.

 

Shows that I am not the one own making decisions around here anymore! Which is different but definately good.

And my husband too is having a lot of experiences lately he is learning from too..and I see what it does for him….how hard it is…but what strength and confidence it brings.

And trust me I am learning too,.,a lot.  Today I even felt sorry for people who don’t go through big big things in their lives as they don’t get to have pain for long term gain! Talk about rationalization eh?

Last week at the cottage I snuggled up on a chair and had an hour long conversation with a friend who is much more in the “I have to run my kids’ lives mode” and I listened..and sympathized…and I have been there…..and am still partially there. I heard her over and over making decisions for them all, thinking they were the right ones, hoping they were more like this..or more like that…..but she was realizing it wasn’t working for her. The kids are resisting-rebelling-wanting something different than the life she has carved out and hoped for them. And she was calling for advice as she knew I had been there myself.

My advice? Come complete with their capability as much as you possibly and humanly can. Believe in them. Let them fail exams . Swear sometimes. Experiment and see the outcomes. Try out behaviors and see what happens. Trust their instincts. Ignore your own much of the time. You have taught them well and now it is time to let them soar under your careful guidance and support. So far this has been working for us…crossing my fingers it sticks!

 All that so that ultimately they can be set free. Which as sad as it is ...is ultimately the role of parents.

Pomegranates, Greek Yogurt and Elves

This last week as I am in the process of personally feeling that the earth has been pulled from beneath me…my kids are a whole other story.

My kids are superstars.

Yes I am pulling out my bragging rights (it won’t last so don’t worry). These kids seriously impress me these last few weeks. For one in school. OMG. All of them are just so dedicated and organized. We give no help to anyone of them ever….and two out of three are doing harder work in high school than I did in University. They run the show –all of them when it comes to their academics. Occasionally they ask us here and there to test them on the 400 concepts they have to memorize for science but they are totally autonomous and doing really well. And this is something that they created for themselves (and with our training and training for yrs. on the skill of autonomy). It did not always come naturally to them. They all rock.

Pomegranates. Ya the fruit. We buy about 10-12 a week now. Ya the fruit that takes 20 minutes to prepare before you eat it. My daughter sets her alarm 15 mins early every single morning and eats one. She declines social events afterschool to come home and eat another one. The boys are picking up this habit too now. Pomegranate is a popular nickname in our home.

Which brings me to Greek yogurt. Especially lime and pomegranate flavor. Ok I am almost poor at 1 dollar a little container of yogurt. I kid you not Chase eats five per day every day. The other two eat two a day. They love Greek yogurt. I am poor.

Which brings me to Elves. Yes we hide him most days before X-mas like the rest of the world leading up to Dec 25, but it is my elves that make the biggest difference. Earlier this year we went from housekeeper 1.5 days per week to a cleaning service that comes in only once every two weeks now. There’s a gap there of a whole lot of laundry, a lot of tidying, dishes, toilets to be cleaned and gifts to be wrapped. Especially that we have two homes and go back and forth weekly. There is a huge pleasure of having four season cottage but also a big sacrifice of time and energy that goes into maintaining it.

My family has stepped up to the plate and I feel my heart full of pride. I told you it is a bragging post! I don’t care if I come off today arrogant…I need to be uplifted right now and I will be in writing this.

The girl wraps I tell you! And folds! Beauty!! OMG! The other day I came home and she had cleaned the entire kitchen (dishes unstacked, stacked, fridge cleaned out, all Tupperware’s sorted and put way) without being reminded. Last night she offered to wrap Xmas gits and they look like Martha Stewart has wrapped them. Her folding is getting better daily..the girl handles loads and loads of laundry by herself and folds dancing happily to music.

And Bear….well he started with owning two zones and now he just owns them all. Bear is a power machine. Everyone should have a Bear.

And Chase well he studies. A lot. And does his little 3 chores. But then on weekends and holidays we put him to work and his favorite are cleaning toilets surprisingly with rubber gloves on (who has this as their fave?). And he loves vacuuming.

All that to say losing the extra help was one of the hardest logistical things we have done in a while. It changed the way we run the family and homes completely. But like anything else difficult it has been an amazing thing too..to see my kids access the elves in themselves and give those parts and skills in them the space to flourish. I find domesticity very creative in many ways..very artistic…my daughter makes it all like a dance in many ways-I love watching this (and don’t get any ideas that she does not whine and complain..She does) but when she realised she has not choice she does it very artistically.  And although I am no domestic goddess by far…I have “a domestic flow” going that I have never had in my life. And I quite like it too-shockingly. There is nothing that can keep your mind off of problems better than working your ass off at work and then coming home and working your ass off at home. And then sleeping.

 I love seeing the seeds we planted so carefully for so long growing. Becoming. Being. It’s like everything I had hoped for my kids is happening…in the school work, the housework, the autonomy, the confidence and especially in the pomegranates.

If you want that yummy fruit-you must put the effort and put up with the mess. You need to work at it if you want it.

Live on Pomegranates!

PS-thank you to all close to me who lovingly wrote me about my post “Falling from Grace” Very subtle of course to protect confidentiality, but very real. Your tenderness makes the difference and your confidence in me too. I will come around soon and bring you in. For now the falling is the place where I need to be. Landing is next.

C'est Tout.

 

This is what is running through my mind right now. C'est Tout. That's it.

 

Beauty we found out Friday morning was accepted to Dance program at the high school she was accepted too!!!!. It's all done. Finally. Phew.

 

After going through this totally gruelling process for over 5 yrs. now with all three kids....I honestly can’t believe we have arrived at our final designation.

 

Three kids at this school and their three programs of choice.

 

Now does this guarantee their future? Guarantee they graduate there? Guartentee success and happiness or anything else? No..no..no..
What it does guarantee is that our 3 children will have a wonderful educational platform to start off and begin with and do what they want with.
It guarantees their will see this as a gift and an opportunity and guarantees that they will come out of this being confident....disciplined and determined.

 
We are there.

And the dance or sports program enable the student to really feel passionate about high school. To pursue their dreams within the academic curriculum together. To fully integrate their passions and interests in their educations.



I honestly can’t believe it is over. My Protector and I looked at each other after receiving the convocation email Friday morning and said “What do we do now?" We are so used to having these goals as our compass...what are we supposed to focus on now? (Don’t worry we will find things pretty quickly).

 
But as hard as all this has been over the last 5 yrs and as much time as it has taken from our lives in some areas, as much anxiety that has accompanied it all, and as much laser focus has need to have been sucked up......and most importantly as much as the future has no promises of success or happiness or even academic fulfilment...

 
We have managed as a family to achieve a few very important things.

All three kids know how to have a dream.....work hard to make it come true....and work their asses  of to get what they want.


All three kids are very confident and have very "can do" attitudes


All three kids really feel that their education is a privilege  that should not be taken for granted


All three kids really believe in themselves and their talents


They are all fearless in many many ways in this world



All three kids are very determined, hardworking and devoted.



And all three kids started out as and remain very very different students, personalities, and people.  All three struggles in different areas .All three however were very shaped by this experience in very positive ways. A bit like sleep training as babies.....they all strted different and ended up in this place of confidence by many many steps, lessons and teachings.

This has been a family affair.
 

And much of this has to do with this crazy, hard, stressful process of high school entrance ...and acceptance. I owe so much to this process.
Our kids have a ton to work on...so do we.....many many areas of improvement. But

One of our strongest goals as parents was always (and still is):


To ensure that our children were confident in life and believe in themselves. For us that was always the foundation of any type of future joy, happiness, success, love , self love, etc.



And finally.....I can say:



We are partially there. Phase 1 is officially complete.

We are more than ready to take on Phase 2.

Yahoo!!!!

 

 

Congrats Beauty!!!!

In ..awe

 

You know those kinds of moments that happen in life where you have absolutely nothing to do with something beautiful that happens before your very eyes. Like you had no influence in it..no hand in it…it just is and happens?

Tonight my daughter impressed me to no end. A number of times in the last 2-3 months I have been thoroughly impressed by the dances she makes up, the videos she creates, the vlogs, the compositions. She is very very talented and creative when it comes to this kind of stuff.

Tonight she took my breathe away. I just kept watching the vlog over and over and over. It was truly a beautiful piece of art.

She was the star of it and it was called “Afterschool Routine” I cannot even describe it as words could not give it justice..the music…the symbolism, the close up on the shoes, the schoolbag, the granola bar being eaten in fast forward…the captions , the expressions on her face…..OMG. It was such a beautiful portrait of the life she is living at 11.5 yrs old. It affected something profound in me…the way she was alone afterschool when she came in. Alone yet so happy. It made me both sad and extremely proud. Her vlog brought out so much emotion in me.

It was at this very moment that I looked at her and saw her future. In multimedia…in movie and commercial producing. It all became clear. The funny thing is that this passion of hers developed completely on her own. Completely. She literally has hundreds and hundreds of these clips she makes about everyday stuff. Making the ordinary..extraodinary

Clips of running to the stop sign at the end of the roads and yelling “chicken”. Versions copying the show “my strange addicitions”

The girl is creative.

At two schools she is applying to in a few weeks for high school she will also apply to  intensive 5 yr dance porgrams.Getting her into the actual school could be hit or miss (probably all ok but soooooo competitive) but the dance programs within the schools is a guaranteed in for her I am quite sure.

At both schools at the open house we started asking about qualifications, experience needed, what the auditions are like etc…and both teachers pretty much looked at her walk across the room and said “she is in” We were shocked as very limited spots and very competitive programs.

When I asked one of the teachers why she said” the way she holds her body, the confidence in her posture, the confidence in herself shines through. She is a dancer”

I am in awe of this complicated, wonderful, smart, beautiful, bossy, assertive, creative, hard headed, sweet (sometimes not so sweet!) little crumpet of ours.

She is a handful this one in so many ways. Close yet distant. Sweet yet sultry. She is a puzzle a lot of the time. Today I realized that she is way way ahead of me in many ways. I will likely spend my life trying to catch up to her creative mind and body. The dancing-the singing-the creating.The photography, the videotogrpahy. All of it. I had honestly never realized this before in such a way.

She never ceases to amaze me. With all her bountiful and colorful sides.

Whenever I feel in awe it so often seems to be in relation to her.

This girl of mine…will be just fine.

I am excited to discover her in the next number of years. Truly I am

 

End of Rope

I seriously hate June.

Until June 21 that is.

When school ends.

I cannot take it anymore. I cannot stand what my kids are put through at this time of year. The amount of stress and finals and pressure and studying. Yup ..at this time of year I seriously reconsider if I am doing the right thing in terms of the schools they attend.

It’s just too much right now. And this stress clouds all the amazing things about the school. They way most days of the year they LOVE it..and they are exposed to so many wonderful and amazing things. The teams, the resources, the values, the trips etc..

At this time of year I forget it all and literally sit her and pray for it all to be over for the summer.

God high school is a different path than primary school. French private it so hard it makes me wants to weep. You could pay me honestly a million dollars and I personally would never pass the subjects.

I have three kids who we have poured education into in many ways and all are very different. One has some learning issues,  less passionate about school but super diligent and committed to his studies and work. He takes it very seriously now.

Another loves the thought of school and is completely and utterly passionate about everything about it. He gets great marks and is super organized, bright and committed.

I have another one who is very organized and takes pride in school. She is totally inconsistent though and this year is coming home with 100% on many tests and 50% on many tests. Can’t figure it out..does not make any sense??? Literally 100% on so many exams and then fails exams in same subject. Not sure she has ever had a 70 or 80 percent this semester!!!!!!

It’s all just too much for me. Thank God I have my husband who takes care of most of the academic stuff in terms of reviewing if they fail and exam etc. I would go crazy if I had to do that and so would the kids.

They lost me in grade 1. Too advanced for me.

So yes you may hear me complain about summer and how unstructured it is, and how the kids are chaotic and running round and not having enough to do. Remind me of this moment ok?

At this point I could not care less about what they do this summer. If they sit all day in front of TV and Facebook I am convinced they deserve it. (I doubt I will remember this part)

Anyways I can’t wait right now for school to be out..the teachers to get their green apples and little wrapped end of year gift of soap..and be on their merry ways.

So my kids can start enjoying life again.

(ok maybe this post is slightly exaggerated but June does this to me)

 

 

 

Girl… You are Amazing Just the Way you Are

 

 

 

Scene: Subway sandwich dinner a deux for the special part 2 BIG talk about the Birds and the Bees. This time no more biology more value focused for when she is older (much, much older of course).

 

Potential outcomes: The person in this story will kill me.

 

Probable outcomes: She will laugh so hard one day to read this and remember just how sweet she was (is)

 

 

Mommy: So…before we have our BIG talk-tell me what you know about sex first?

 

Amazing Girl: Well the boy takes his weeny and lies on top of the girl and puts his weeny into her vagegeee. Then they live happily ever after.

 

Mommy: What does happily ever after mean?

 

Amazing Girl: Well it means Life Mom. Like God and stuff.

 

Mommy: Life and God?

 

Amazing Girl: Well ya…like they live happily ever after and create life. Like..you know like life is a miracle and like they have created one together because they did that stuff.

 

Mommy: takes a bite of sandwich even though none left as needs some space to smile

 

Mommy: So do people only have sex to have babies then?

 

Amazing Girl: Well ya duh. Sometimes the bigger the family the more times you get to do it then. I heard someone say it feels good so I guess that is why.

 

PS-and then we got home and she read on internet that a poor little girl at 6 yrs old had died so she made posters and posted them all over the walls with the girls pictures and wrote “Pray for Annaline”. If it’s an important cause for Justin Bieber..it’s an important one for her too.

 

HeeeeeeHeeeeeee! Love this Amazing Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If God hears her version of sex she is surely getting her place in heaven.

Nun camp was good for this childJ)