Pastas and Gelatos

We are getting pretty excited around here.

(Well some of us actually).

Three of us are getting to go away this week on a Mediterranean cruise from Venice to Athens with a bunch of beautiful stops along the way.

It’s Bear’s turn to do his “Before High School Trip” with us and it is going to be amazing.

I am proud of this tradition because it is one of the handful of traditions that we have around here that are fully invented by us. We never read about it elsewhere, never heard of anyone else doing this. It was born in our brains. Of course I am sure other people our there in the world do similar things-but if they do I have never heard of it, and that makes me happy to have invented something in our family that is catching on pretty quickly! (I have a colleague at work going in a month on what she calls “Tarina’s trip” with her grade 6 daughter..)

So our tradition is that this is done when each kid in at the end of Grade 6 –right before they start high school. We carefully chose that period because they can afford to miss a couple of days of school that would be impossible in the private French private school system later on, but more importantly it’s a period of life where we feel is super important to bond strongly with our children individually.

We want to give them that safely net and reassurance right before they enter that BIG BAD world of high school (which really is not that bad after all but still a little scary).

And so we plan a trip, which is selected by the three of us together with the criteria that it has to be cultural and not beachy and not the same place their sibling has selected. We strongly encourage Europe as we have a need to travel there and a desire that has not been fulfilled in years and so we strongly recommend it.

Chase’s trip was to Paris (prior blog time!) and we had an amazing time together. I was in Switzerland for work so I flew back through Paris and met my two men there for a four day trip and we had a great time. And Chase still says I love you every night at least 10 times before bed to us, hugs us in front of his friends and generally enjoys our company so think it did some good bonding after all (although the rest of the time he acts like  a normal teenager with a huge attitude and is impossible to live with but we take what we can get!!!)

We decided even more recently to go for 2 trips each, that in our kid’s lifetimes they will each get one 4 day trip somewhere and one 10 day trip to somewhere further. One will take place in grade 6 and the other right after high school (another period of life where we feel really important to celebrate and bond).

(If you have not figured it out yet-we find many excuses to travel…bonding-rebonding…the list goes on and on and on. In our minds spending our money on going away is worth every single penny of it and all the working we have to do to save it all up).

Bear’s 10 day trip occurred now because he can afford to miss school for a week. Chase had his 4 day trip 2 years ago and will have his 10 day trip after high school. Beauty? The jury is still out –we still have 2 yrs to decide on that one-could go either way.

We love travelling the five of us as a family, but to be honest we find these individual trips even more special. The years we do them-we don't do family trips, but the time alone with the kids is so incrediably special given that in real life it is rare to have 5 minutes with one child alone. I love this way to see the world.We get to know them so deeply on these voyages.

So off to Venice we go on Thursday with the other two sweeties will be tucked away at home with Nana Didi-which is also a party in itself! Hope they are good to herJ

And one of the rules of our trips is that the people going have to guest blog for me –so expect 2 posts from Bear (not so happy) and one from my Protector next week (medium thrilled)!

So in conclusion, this year I have been more deliberate in traditions overall and have adopted many new ones I am also grateful for the ones that already exist around here. I am especially grateful for this one…as it is a week that I am hoping will be so memorable.

And I am doubly thrilled that we will be able to toast (with real champagne even for Bear) that he is officially  M. Mini Defi-Sports!!!! All of our obsessive wishing, trusting the process, strategizing , connecting the dots and plain hard work has paid off and it is time to go and enjoy some italian ice cream and Greek feta...finally.

His Village

It has been a really sad weekend. One of Chase's close friend's Dad, at 42 yrs old, died on Friday from brain cancer.  A life completely unfinished.

The Father of three beautiful kids and husband to a wonderful wife - the

community is grieving their loved one. Today it seems everyone I run into has been deeply affected and saddened by this tragic death.

And my son is beside himself. He cried all night long...for his friend's

unimaginable  loss.

What occurred to me most over the last 24hrs in how important a support system is to a family. Almost instantly the children were taken under the wings of friends of the family, they were comforted and cared for. This particular family has a network or friends whom all ski together and see each other every weekend and they have raised their children together. They are like family to each other.

And now they are mourning together.

And they will take care of that wife and those children of that dear friend that they lost in his honor as if they were their own. I am certain.

And that is so important isn't it-to try and build that for our own children?

Because we never know where life will end up. As scary as it is to think about we need to prepare them as much as we can and make sure there love goes well beyond just us-that it is extended to other people and parts of the world...and that other people's love reaches them.

To not be selfish when it comes to love. To let as many people love them as possible and to let them be in love with many.

So as my son asks me again this weekend if it is ok if next summer he goes to camp for a month as a counselor in training or would I miss him too much, or my older son chooses a friend's family for a Friday night dinner over our own, or my daughter goes on a trip with her godparents in the future-a place I would like to experience with her myself, or as I feel sometimes  too tired or busy to make special trips and times in our schedules to be with cousins or friends for my children far away....I will think back to this Friday.

And I will remember that life is never predictable or fair.

That we need to force ourselves to plan for the unexpected.

That we need to provide for our children beyond our own embraces and our own love to give.

We have to encourage the world to love them as much as possible and to have many parents.

In case one day we are gone and we have to leave them.

We need them to be able to go on with happiness in their hearts.

With others who will collect them and cuddle them as their own.

And for us as parents to ensure that we don't only nurture our children, but the support system around us-and build foundations that may someday turn into homes.

It takes a village to raise kids-and it’s up to us to build it even if we don’t have the first clue how.

The Use of Time..

So what do you do when you have an unexpected 4 hour delay in Cleveland in transit to visit your brother, your sister-in law and two nieces?

Do you bitch and complain?
Yes you do initially.
Denial and resistance stage.
Of course you do.

Then what you do next counts.
You decide to make good use of the time-so you turn to your daughter and say "What can we do for next 4 hrs to make it worthtwhile-is there anything you have ever really wanted to talk to me about but that we can't find time for?

Her answer "Mom I don't really like talking" was not exactly what you were hoping for.

So you pull her into the bookstore and she looks through all the books and ask you to buy her one.
Now normally you might suggest she use her own money or say no that she has 4 at home that have not been read that you purchased last month.

But here's your opportunity! To make great use of time! To make your child a reader! (Exploration)

So you buy it ( Acceptance and Commitment) and she sits there with her little tiny nose in it . Her little non- talking mouth starts discussing it with you to. You started a little book club!

This could be the start of a reader. And there is nothing better than loving books. I personally go though at least 5-6 a month.

So happy reading Beauty. You will see my Dear that if you love reading-there will not be many opportunities in life where you will complain for delays.

You may start off  bitching and complaining, but there will always be the part of you who simply sees it as another few hours that you get to read.

The Couch at the Office

Over the years, as parents we have done some pretty stupid things.

But we have also come up with some pretty damn good brilliant ideas too.

Thank goodness for the white leather couch we put at my husband’s office is all I can say.

This couch has saved us time, our careers, our souls. It has been there thick and thin for our children.

Our kids have watched DVD players on it, Netflix, drank ginger ale on it and thrown up on it. They have dozed on it, snored on it and had fevers on it.

And doubly thank goodness for the team of sweet “nurses” at my husband office (aka his secretaries), who take care of those little people on the couch when they need something and my husband is in the conference room with clients (aka always).

My Protector and I came up with this brilliant idea after we had three kids and realized that if we were ever going to be able to go to work on a regular basis we needed to have back up plans if the kids were sick. Knock on wood my kids have probably throughout their lifetimes been sick at least 2/3 less than most people’s kids  for some reason, but still there always seem to be someone with a fever, a sore tummy, a hurt foot, an ear infection or a ruptured appendix or hernia every now and them. And these things always seems to happen when we cannot work from home because we have “important meetings” (aka as every single day of our lives).

So for the first few years of having kids we did it the stressful way. One of us took day off (me) or we shared the shift (mine always seemed to be the double shift) and tried to work from home. Then we got smarter and had back up sitters who we pay double to come at last minute. But who really feels like calling someone at 4am and asking them to come over? It’s just not normal.

Then when we renovated the house and my husband ventured out on his own at work and the Associate lawyer who shared office space with him left. We decided that we should rent a van and move 2 of our nice leather couches and coffee tables to make a room for our potentially sick children for many years to come.

They go there if they are not too sick. If they are throwing up they don’t get to go there usually. Often my husband’s prior receptionist would be asked to come home and stay with them. She used to call this “a day at head office. And before my husband hires anyone he lets them know that this is part of the contract! Mine and his time are reserved for when we are sick ourselves (no I don’t get to go use the couch!) or when are kids are really sick and need us and a sitter just won’t do.

The kids like it there as they get to watch movies and usually by mid-afternoon feel well enough to join my husband for a 50cent hot dog at Belle Province (yes I know it sounds like too much fun for sick kids, but we take what we can get for quality alone time with them right)!

And they get made a fuss over from all the nurses…and then they go home for a big long boring nap for hours and hours in the dark in their rooms when our schedules are freed up at the end of the day.

So as I dropped my sick daughter off today, I felt thankful for those white leather couches and grateful for them and what they have provided us over the years. It made me realize how creative and out of the box we have needed to become over the years to make it all somehow all work out and function properly.

When a woman at the school asked me the other day as she saw me dressed up in my crisp white button-down,my grey tweed suit  and heels on my way to lead an important meeting at work-she said “How do you do this??? How do you possibly make it work with both of you with these types of careers with no too much built in flexibitility??”

And after a few moments of careful consideration; I told her it was because of a white leather couch at my husband’ office.

And that is the truth.

Fibbing Roast Rope

In the last few days I have been the teller of a lie and the receiver of one. It’s amazing what an impact a simple lie can have and how complicated life can become because of one (or two).

It all started with a pork roast. More than a roast this particular one happened to be joyously stuffed with apples and Brie. Since I have been pretty much mentally and physically checked out for the last while due mostly to my work, my Protector has been  managing the home front all on his lonesome.

And forced to plan, organize and execute the 15 person dinner party we held for his college friends at Trent this weekend.

All this to say our angel housekeeper prepared this beautiful roast and we served it to our hungry guests. For whatever reason this time-different than other times where we simply say “We were busy this week and so the woman that cooks for us made this to help us-isn’t it yummy?”. Mysterious lies started to come out of my husband’s mouth further supported by Moi.

I think our logic was-truly  1) this roast is something Hubby could have naturally made so why not take the credit?  2) He wanted to impress his guests and went to so much trouble planning and organizing it and selecting the perfect recipe-why give all the recognition away?  3) he started on a lie and could not stop.

So it all began:

“Oh my God-that roast all roped up so perfectly like that and stuffed looks incredible! Where did you buy it?”

“I made it myself”

“That’s impossible!!!!! You can’t cook that well!!!

“Umm-yes I do-all the time”

“But the way it is roped and wrapped it is as if someone took a ruler and measured it so it would be perfectly spaced. Are you sure you did not have it done?”

“Of course I am sure! Are you calling me a liar? I cook day and night and rope roasts like this often. I just have a good eye and no did not use a ruler”

“Are you sure? We will believe you if you insist-but this is incredible. Really”

“Ya I am pretty good..maybe I can teach you how to rope roasts like this one day”

Next day: admit to amazing cook angel housekeeper that we are big fat liars and ask her to desperately show us how to wrap a roast in this perfect way before 2 months from now at the next get together. And she says:

“My husband is a butcher. He did it. He trains butchers across the island on how to do this so that they come out perfectly spaced and roped for the customers”.

Okay dokey. Yup lying is really really bad. Have I mentioned how much I think people get to learn from experiencing things in life themselves?

We have learnt.

I was also the lucky recipient of a lie this week. When the person told the outright lie I felt like saying “Really? Did you know that 10 minutes ago…..I got the real version of this story? The one without all the lies in it!”

I am biased I guess. I think my lie was better than the other lie. I tend to believe that our roast rope lie was not harmful and not badly intentioned. We are (almost) willing to go back and tell the truth if we did not feel like such idiots and took the lie way too far (almost/ maybe/ not).

I somehow think that our lie did not harm, betray or blindsight anyone. Maybe I am wrong?

All that to say. Lying is BAD. No wonder we tell our kids this all the time and warn them that once one dirty one pops out of your mouth, many others follow because you are backed up into a corner. It’s not very pleasant.

So we all ate this delicious roast together and everyone complimented and enjoyed every morsel, but my Protector and I did not enjoy it as much as we should of. We felt shamed and shameful and were very preoccupied on when we could fit into our schedules to quickly learn the mastery of knots on meats. We should have simply been instead enjoying the succulent company and meal at our table.

So although I was tempted this week to call the other person out and say “Big Fat Liar and you know it!”….I let it go…and  silently accepted that perhaps sometimes, in some situations, perhaps a white lie…is better to receive than the truth.

And that is just how life goes.

Happily Spent

Last night after an incredibly busy (and important weekend) I sat with my little family at 8:30pm around our kitchen counter at Trent by candlelight. Spa music playing softly in the background, a meal of leftover baguette and fancy cheeses and grapes, we sat munching and chatting and content.

I love beginning and ending the weekend with them all. All of us together. I felt so complete and happy and relaxed and the words “happily spent” kept coming to mind.

Our lives can get so chaotic and hectic sometimes-and these moments are so precious. What I realize too is that they are fueled by experiencing things together, living things together and ensuring that we hold on to our kids and keep them with us for all the important stuff we do as a family. Even though they are tempted sometimes to separate-we are eager to attach them. Even though were are willing often to escape it all it is critical that at this period of their lives we stay put and hold them closer to us.

Over the years my husband and I have been notorious for escaping once a year to some sunny hot place alone just the two of us, away from it all, in complete tranquility and relaxation. The Great Escape. What I find myself doing lately is counting all the years left that my kids will be young enough to be able to travel with us, without jobs, eager enough to spend their entire weekends at the cottage with us, and small enough to be tucked into their beds…and I find myself dreaming of all our time together and not our our time apart.

I realize that after they are 18yrs old I will have many, many quiet moments and months to travel just the two of us. Right now I get them. I get to soak them in as ours.

So this weekend was a really good one, despite being the most exhausted we may have ever been in our lives. The last few weeks have held so many things for our family and we have experienced most of them all together. We all feel into bed (each other’s beds) literally on Saturday night. I started off with Hubby and Beauty in mine and ended up with Chase. (Bear is too deep a sleeper than to want or care sleep anywhere else but in his own bedJ).

And Mama Bear was deeply proud of her 3 Cubs this weekend . What has always profoundly bugged me about blogs, before I started writing one, was the bragging factor. Everyday it seems like Johnny is amazing! Karen scored a goal!  Tom made a cake|! I read so little about Sara swearing at her parents, and Jim beating up the little girl at school….I had very mixed feelings about blogs. It's hard to find the right balance.

So in mine I try to be real. But sometimes I get the feeling that I brag too little and am too hard on the kids. To honest about some of my more negative or ambivalent feelings Other times I feel like I brag too much and pat myself on the back too often.

Today I don’t care. They impressed me to no end this weekend so became very “blog worthy".

We had all of my husband’s college friends over all day and evening Saturday-a gang of 15 adults and my kids wined them, and dined them, and talked to them all day. They socialized and chatted and spoke in two languages. They looked everyone straight in the eye and greeted them with big hugs and kisses and shook firm handshakes.  They asked them about their lives and shared theirs. They left us alone when needed and interacted when called on. They sat at the huge table with us for dinner for over 3.5 hours and just listened, and laughed and added their own two cents often. The meal tasted ten times better because of them.

They left the strict, childless, fancy French couple, who usually hate kids wanting to adopt all three.

And the next day it all continued. We did our final move from our family cottage to Trent. We said goodbye. Hubby’s neice and her young children were there and my kids welcomed them, and held hands with them, and got them dressed and offered to help with them. They complimented the couple on their new car, and poured their drinks and were so present and engaging and interesting.

The skill that we believe with all of our hearts will make our kids successful in life, which we focused on so ademently since they were infants (at the detriment of other thing it seems such as tidness some of the time and other areas where they are little piggies in some ways..) is all paying off. It’s all coming together and we could not be happier or more proud.

They sparkled. They have all the tools they need for their futures.I  can breathe (I think).

The have confidence. In themselves. In others.  In the world ahead that lies ahed of them. They don't fear it at all. They will be perfectly ok.

And we felt like we had done our job well.

For those few moments.

For these couple of days.

We took pride in other’s words, and lavish compliments. It felt good.

Because often it just feels like too much.

Too overwhelming.

Too chaotic.

Too energy consuming.

We question ourselves daily if we are good?

Good enough?

Capable as parents?

Have we focused on the right things?

But today I brag because they deserve it.

We deserve it.

We are happily spent, until next weekend until I hope to be happily spent with them again and again and squeeze as much happiness into the next few years as I possibly can.

To escape towards them and not away from them.

To Indulge as much as I possibly can while they are still mine.

On the Right Track

While I listened to a famous motivational speaker on TV this week I loved his answer to the following question:

“I am a spontaneous person and don’t really agree with over planning and strategizing long term in life. I try to live moment for moment. Is there a need to plan so much when it comes to things like health, family, raising children and marriage?”

His answer: (something along these lines)

If your life is very fulfilling and happy as it is and you are pleased with the direction it has taken..stick with it.You are one of the lucky ones that living in the moment works for longer term.

If you are not very satisfied with one or more areas of your life…very likely you need to plan considerably more. The  very purpose of planning for most people is to ensure happiness long term.

Happiness does not just happen to lucky people..it happens to the people who plan for it.

Would it occur to you to practice your profession without proper training or education? The same goes for your life.

Get used to the fact that life is hard work if you want to be really good at it.


(it turns out it is another one of those "inconvenient truths" I have talked about before -just like recycling).

Inspired

I have a Swiss colleague with whom I work very closely. Ironically out of all of my colleagues, because of the nature of our work together, it often feels like I end up spending more time with him (even if we live in different countries) than with many of my local colleagues.

We deliver high level leadership programs together, mostly offsite.
This week he delivered his own Performance Keynote to our organization. And I was completely in awe.

It is rare that someone can move me in the way he does.
I could literally listen to him all day long as he speaks about sustaining high performance, energy management, wellness and ensuring you have passion for the game which you play.

I have heard his concepts many times and each time it ends up accessing something different in me.

Today it was acceptance. Acceptance of my own authenticity. Acceptance of who I really am. From an energy management point of view to focus more on what my natural rhythms are and less on what they are not.

I leave the keynote today humbled. By the sheer brilliance of this man. By his magnificent power as a professional, an athlete, as a husband and father to his family and by his ideas and the way that he shares them with me often.

His mind and his articulate words that touch so many people in any given room and change them at the very core.
I respect him and learn from him.

I feel grateful for our professional complicity and for the confidence and trust he places in me as his often co-facilitator.
I am lucky to have him teach me time and time again and feel honored that he feels in some ways that it is I teaching him. Wow-what an incredible compliment.

I feel blessed tonight and lucky to be surrounded by so much greatness at my place of work that I find in many of the people I interact with often. Inspired by so many different people who surround me daily. How did this happen to me?

As I told my esteemed Swiss colleague at dinner as he marveled at the relationships that I had with his audience today where he said he sensed that I adore so many of them and that they adored me.....I responded with:

"On most days, going to my place of work is no different than a child going to the playground. It's where I have fun, and even though I work extremely hard and it causes often a lot of stress-I adore it. It is exactly where I want to be at this point in my life."

So I am left inspired, as I always am when I host my Swiss colleague. Inspired to be the very best I can be in life in what I do-and ensure that along the way......I try and squeeze in a whole lot of fun.

I sit here tonight with a piece of Swiss chocolate in hand in a beautiful hotel room wrapped up in the white fuzzy spa robe after a nice bubble bath marveling at how good single moments can be if you let them. If you allow yourself to have them.
To allow yourself that delicious and luxurious gift of time on a night that is not the weekend. And allow yourself to feel that it's ok to simply do nothing and take a break every now and then.

Recovery time. Remarkable. Very nice indeed.

That's Life

It’s always surprising to me that the only way I learn in life is to experience it.

People around me can talk their way silly about how awful it feels to have your partner betray your trust, how anxiety provoking it feels to have your child start high school for the first day, or how painful a bikini wax really is. But until you go through these experiences yourself you just really don’t get it at all.

Life is our biggest teacher

Tears can be our biggest motivator to change.

Heartbreak is often followed by joy.

I know this all intellectually, but each time I go through it emotionally it all seems to make more sense

Pretty much all of my happiest moments my  in life have somehow been preceded by some form of pain or heartache.

Life has a way of wanting to teach us in the rawest forms. It’s as if at a certain point we only listen if life is really loud and essentially forces us to hear.

So the same applies to our children right?

I have encountered a couple of situations in the last couple of weeks with my kids that bring home two very important messages that I try to ensure I never forget:

1-Experience in life with kids is key. For them to learn properly they need to experience sadness, pain and heartaches along with the happiness, roses and lollipops.

If they don’t experience and live life, and we try to live it for them, they get stuck. They lose out. Massively.

2-When kids experience sadness or worry it has some good aspects. It is a motivator for change. If they never experience these things,they won’t change behavior and may get stuck doing the same unsuccessful thing over and over and over again which long term will create even more unhappiness for them in the long- term.

Without these things it’s all theoretical really.

A heart needs to feel. Their hearts need to feel.

I witnessed a Mom at the school the other day who’s son started at school in grade 1 mid year and cried when she left the schoolyard..and so she went right back and took him home telling the teacher “he was not ready and she would try again the next day if he felt ready”

("Oh Pleeze!!!!) 

Both the teacher and I looked at the child with sadness..and fear.

Not because he was crying but that his Mother so quickly judged him incapable and basically robbed him of getting through a difficult experience himself. The message she sent her son that day was:

When the going gets tough; you are not capable of handling it and so I will save you.We will do what feels best short term and ignore the long term impact of this important action.

Both the teacher and I knew that the son might appreciate this saving now, but years from now-it will harm him, his self confidence and his need in life to learn from experience. His mother set the stage of running in quickly and saving her son and she is sure to repeat this pattern time and time again.

We have all been that Mother-and had the urge to go in and save out kids from a tough situation. That would be the easy thing to do.

The hard thing is often doing the right thing.

In times like the last few weeks I have been very grateful that I have prepared my kids when they were young for “real life” by ensuring that the had opportunities to miss me..and realize the were capable of overcoming that….fail…without falling apart…getting hurt and still playing despite the boo-boo, getting in a fight and having the courage to say sorry without me by their side and face their peers…having a bad cold at night and after a few snuggles and hot water bottle going back to their own beds and putting themselves asleep.

I am thankful that I gave my kids these opportunities to be capable in life early on. Thank goodness now as I see as soon as the double digits hit-or sometimes before then-they need these skills to survive at school and with peers.

It is easy to tell the difference in the schoolyard between the kids who have been fully protected and the kids who have had to fend for themselves a little bit. The difference is in their confidence and their ability to deal with the meanies and nastier kids at school. The more confident kids are able to get through it all; the less confident ones crumble and they fall apart; these situations traumatize them at the very core.

 

So on the diet of life, although not  necessarily as tasty, what I prescribe for healthy living is small doses (and sometime unwanted larger portions) of  difficulty, hardship and tough encounters.

Somehow carrying this load and getting a little more used to it-prepares us for the larger loads we will with certainly come across as we get older and hopefully wiser.

The Problem with Blogging

I often have said that I don’t want to depress anyone by my blog……but on the other hand there are times when I don’t want to depress myself by writing stuff down either.

When there is stuff you are going through that is very personal sometimes it’s hard to find that balance between being honest and upfront and protecting your privacy and the others around you.
It’s sometimes ok to let your own laundry hang out but what about your partner’s dirty laundry or the things that happen at your work? They never asked to be blogged about did they?

So today it really occurred to me why so often I open blogs to find sunshine and lollipops and roses-because very often that is all someone is willing to share of their lives.
The storms, the thunder, and the lightning are kept neatly tucked away and only peek their heads through when they have likely been solved and dealt with.
When the person actually has a handle and a perspective on their personal disaster.

The real, real things get caught deep inside of you somehow.


So all that to say, although today I am tempted to post about my great trip to Indiana with my daughter, and the next best parenting tip that will change your life and your home, and post wonderful pictures of my kids smiling in all of their spendor; today it will have to suffice to say….

Another day….

Naughtiness

How often do we hear when we are little “Don’t be Naughty!”

How often do we hear ourselves say it to our kids as parents?

But being naughty…can certainly be a whole lot of fun too. No wonder kids like to be naughty!!!

There is something interesting in doing something that you just know is not the best decision, but is somehow exciting and appealing anyway. It’s the very fact that you should not be doing it that makes it seem so appealing.

Sometimes being naughty happens when you feel a whole bunch of stress. It’s almost like at a certain point you kind of break and just think:

“Whatever”.

And whatever really means: I don’t have the time or space in my brain to really care about the consequences, I am just going to do what feels good at this moment. And hope for the best.

I have a feeling many people go around life being what I consider naughty.

As for me? It’s rare-but oooooooh how fun when I do.

Now let’s be clear so that there are no questions on this post ok?? No clandestine affairs, no bad behavior, no bad gossip, nothing done that could harm anybody.

More just in the realm of doing a simple silly thing or two because I simply feel like it. Caring less. Thinking less. Joining the human race for a few moments.

Sort of like when you are little and making a prank call to the boy you like and singing a song and hanging up. That kind of thing. Harmless. Fun. Exhilarating.

So don’t get all excited.

Funny though that no matter how little naughty you are or how BIG naughty-there are always consequences right? Naughtiness catches up with you whether you like it or not. So do lies and that’s why I try never to tell them.

It’s like we tell our children so often: Whatever you do or say you better be willing to face the consequence-so keep that in mind as you “have fun” being naughty.

What I like about being an adult with kids a bit more grown up now is that there is space for me as the Mom to digress a little bit now and then myself. Put myself on the time out chair…..let a swear word slip out of my mouth and make the kids laugh here and there….have a food fight in the kitchen. One day perhaps even help my daughter choose what song she will sing on the phone to which boy?

It’s funny that I still hold- that this part of  me…is the best me.

Naughty more often I shall be (don’t tell my kids)

To Be or Not to Be (Gretchen)

This phrase rings in my head from the book I read twice “The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin.

It struck me the first time reading the book because I found it odd that someone would embrace things about themselves that were not necessarily working for them in their life..rather than trying to change these things. Gretchen said she didn’t really like socializing with people so instead of working on this..she just accepted it.

Other things about herself that she wished were different; such as her innate nature to only really enjoy reading or writing and not much else, instead of trying to expand her horizons-she went with the flow.

This concept initially bothered me..did not resonate with me right away.

Lately on my walks in the morning and thoughts before bed however, I hear myself saying to myself ” Be Tarina”

So below I am listing a few things about myself that just are. That are simply there and that I am considering just accepting and embracing. Things that as often as I may have tried to change them over the years or resisted them in one way or another-don’t really change.I seem to  lack the motivation  to be honest with you because I know they won’t budge very much no matter how hard I try.

This feels like a bit of coming out of the closet for me..in my own way. Things many people may not know about me (or may know all too well!) or that I have never really said (or admitted aloud).

1-A blackberry in my hand feels a thousand times more natural than a spatula, a pan or a crock-pot.

2-Doing most types of domestic duties (washing a floor, cleaning out a fridge,  changing a diaper, or making a simple sandwich) irritate me and take more energy from my brain than managing million dollar budgets or giving large presentations ( partially in Spanish) ever will.

3-I complain I hate being so busy a lot of the time, but secretly love it.

4-The sounds of children’s laughter is often too much for me. I find that if it is too frequent, it gets too noisy and irritates me tremendouslyL

5-If I don’t speak to my Mom or best buddies enough by phone or email within a given week, I feel super lonely and sad.

6-My mind never shuts off. Literally runs 24 hrs. per day even in my sleep I seem to be solving problems.

7- I am scared of vacation and time off in reality. Even weekends. I end up loving it all endlessly once I get into it-but non structure and lack of routine scare me intially.

8-When my husband wants to hide a gift for me he puts it in the laundry machine or dryer because he knows there is no chance I will  will ever find it there.

9-Something about alcohol scares me and I have not really figured out what yet. People make fun of me for not drinking regulary, but there is something there for me.

10- I am a better Mom on paper than I am in real life. I do a lot of the right things (I think) but I am not naturally a very maternal person.

11-Very often I feel way too tired to roll over and just cuddle up with my Hubby who so deserves it. It’s as if a hug  or a kiss often feels like a big effortL. This really sucks about me.

12-I never shut up-(just like my eldest son).

13-I am judgmental and critical in many ways.

14-Often on any given day, in any given situation I feel irriated for no reason.

Since I went over the 10 things that I intended to limit myself to, I will add four things about myself that although weird a bit, I embrace them fully and they are a bit more on the positive side. After writing those 14 things above, I now feel a bit down!

1-I love fully in relationships. When you are loved by me-you always count. I always consider you, your feelings, and want to spend time with you. If I love you-I fully adore you and you are mine.

2-You are always on my mind. I will always make time for what is important to me no matter what. I know my priorities and shift and organize them daily to ensure I focus on what is most important in my life and what is most meaningful.

3-Underneath it all-I think I am a really sweet girl. Ready for a hug, ready to give one, I will make you laugh until you pee your pants if I am in a silly mood and always ready to have fun and seek out the pleasures of life. Unfortunately for me and you….you may just need to do some digging to get there and keep me in that state of mind. It may be hard work for you.

4- I am a believer. I believe we all can have whatever we want in life if we work hard enough to get it. There is  truly not much in life that I think of as impossible. If I want it enough…I get it. If I know you want it enough-I will help you get it too.

So there it is. My first shot at “Being Tarina” out in the open.

Let’s see how it all goes.

Hormone Hell

Often people ask me if there are downfalls to over- planning since this is what I have done for most of my adult life.

Here's one for you:

Plan to have all 3 babies exactly 18 mnths to 2 yrs apart born between Dec-Feb since that is the only time of year your husband could leave his work, still pay your mortgage and take a 1.5 weeks off with each (without messing up our vacation time or boating season that is).

Get pregnant on your first try with each of them and have them born all within 4 weeks of Christmas and evenly spaced apart just as you had precisley planned but actually never expected would actually work.

Yes..yes.. your husband gets to stay home a week with each-minus the first where he shoveled all day on the roofs of every house we moved to in the  historical Quebec ice storm.

However-no one ever warns you about hormones so you never plan for that part.
No one ever told you your eldest would be diagnosed officially with delayed puberty by exactly 2 yrs, your youngest in advance of pre- puberty signs by one year of most girls and your middle one dead set on track with all of his peers.

What does this equal?


You got it!


A house full of raging hormones most days of the week (more like raging  animals really).

Three tweens, preteens and teens at the EXACT same stage of development ironically. Did I plan for this? Did I covet this? Really?

I get asked at least once a week if I have triplets.
And how I am surviving.

So yes planning has tons of benefits-but also has some downfalls too when you don't take into account some of the unplanned circumstances of such wise strategic thinking long term.

I figure 10-12 yrs more of this chaos  and then I will have the three of them fighting widly over who gets to have us over for Sunday dinners and push our wheelchairs in the malls in the near future:)

Love them all to  to bits of course, but I have had enough attitude to last a lifetime from the mouths of babes.