Insert Green Here

I teach a lot of courses on communication skills . And without getting into the model here - I lack green in my own profile and green is collaborative and consensus etc . I have some but not enough in my opinion 

One of the massive benefits of my career and role is that I am constantly learning . Constantly on hundreds of subjects I can - and do - apply to my own professional and personal life .

So for many reasons lately I am trying to up my green . Especially with my family . I am even attending a course for 10 weeks on Mondays evenings with this objective specifically in mind .

So it has been a week now of adapting and connecting . And I already feel great . Honestly I love being more green ! ( and ps this has nothing to do with recycling ! ) each day and each moment I challenge myself to see , act ; communicate and think differently than my usual style and then analyze what the results yield .

So far I am impressed . A lot more relaxing for me and I think my kids really feel it too .I am excited to continue this and do more and more . And this is far from easy or natural for me .

I think I needed to be so " red" ( explanations another day when I have more energy ) for so many years to accomplish what I have with my career and family and to get to this point . That being said its time to adapt and connect and try out something new .

I don't know if it is pure coincidence or not but the last 5 days Chase has been a different person . For the last few months I have found him very hard to be around , he is going through a tough phase . The last 5 days he is a dream . Constantly comes and talks to his dad and I , jokes with us , laughs , shares his life, involves us in big decisions and respects our input and opinions . I went from wishing he would leave for summer job and possibly move out to University - to both his dad and I praying he will stay and also stay home for another job this summer ! 

I actually do think this is a dream . Pls don't wake me up ?

Beauty too is a bit of a dream last few weeks . Just so sweet .

Bear ? Well he is kinda always a bit of a dream ( well when he is not being a stubborn hard headed nightmare that is ! )

Most of all ? I just feel proud that I am even considering connecting and adapting . I can't believe I am open to this and making some changes . It feels damn good I must say .

One thing I have learnt about myself in life is that I want to be in constant motion and adapting mode . I want to always achieve more and be better . I don't accept that  this is just the way I am  or that  I did my best  . All of these things are true for sure but I see life as an opportunity to get it right and to change and adapt along the way so that I can always live into the best version of myself 

And my thinking has changed lately in that it is not only what I consider the best version of myself but the version that my family thinks is also best for them . I can do that .. And I will do that 

For them . And for me 

Life is a beautiful opportunity to get it right .

Namaste universe !

The cravings begin

I never imagined my body would crave excecise or anything close to that .

Crave sleep food or leisure certainly ! But excecise ? No way ... Not me .

Not did I ever really believe that I would be in a good enough routine in excercise  that when I miss a day or a week something feels missing from my life . Unimaginable actually . And that my husband and I would be doing this together ? For real ?

I guess the slogan of " takes 90 days for a habit to form " is really true . In our case it has been 5 months that it took to feel any type of attachment . And trust me it is still not like intellectually i feel like ever going to the gym but physically my body seems to want it . 

It's not as though we are hard core exercisers either ! Only two times a week we do very very intense circuit and kettle ball training . Then another two times a week I power walk and my hubby walks with me or jogs . And we also walk to and from the gym both days which is about 15 mins each way . And we have been doing this since October 2014 with generally consistency ( with a few weeks of for vacation or injuries or travel for work )

What makes me so proud is that it really does not fit into our lives in any shape or form . We have no time for this at all but have really prioritized it and made it happen ( only took me 43 yrs !!! ) . If anything this would be the worst time to excercise  . My business travel is at an all time high and so is my stress level . My moms needs have been requiring massive amounts of time and energy as well as that we have lost all help in our home since January and we have depended on this help for years with the types of careers we have and built our schedules around it .

Both hubby and I have had big back issues ( mine  returned as Chiro dumped me ) and hubby a new issue last few months .

And both of us have no time for our lives .. Relaxations .. Communication or our important to do lists at work or home . But we still go to the gym . ( hubby craves it less than I do but he is disciplined and goes nonetheless )

So we have made it happen !! I can't believe it ! I remember a great friend and colleague sitting with me at barbies restaurant and saying to me " just commit and do a class once a week . Commit and make it happen. Every week " sounded like such good advice and simple but I was never able to do it and now I have .

And it is not for the same motives . My only motivation used to be for how

I looked . Now it is simply for how I feel . I feel stronger . I stand taller . My weight is the same but I believe I look better in clothes (even if it is in my own head feels good !) I am doing this for reasons that are more important : because I need to be healthy . I have had enough examples around me lately to understand that Health and protecting it has to be a number one priority 

Hopefully those push-ups and kettle ball swings are working their magic inside of my body . Hopefully those walks there and back and in between will allow me to more successfully walk up stairs at the school without being out of breath and do the walk of gods on our upcoming trip to Italy with chase .and hopefully it will provide a good example to our children of health and prioritizing  ( finally !)

It's probably just a coincidence but everyone this year in our house is in the best shape of their lives . All three kids are pure athletes and already in shape but this year have taken it to another level . Bear now works out at his lunch hour at the gym 5 days a week. Chase 3-4 times a week at a gym and hired a personal trainer with his own money and super into health and fitness and eating well  . And beauty is always working out bc of dance many days a week after school and has now said wants to add more cardio to the mix and start running with her dad 

I think the kids see how busy are lives are and how little time we have to spare but yet early mornings leave the house and come back sweaty . It has changed something in us .. In them and in our lives .

It is hard but necessary for us 

We made it happen after years and years and years of talking about it and no action .

Just do it !!

My real day visit in Vancouver

Yesterday afternoon was just luck with the time difference . I lucked out with a few extra hours in the sunshine in a beautiful city .Today was the day I planned to tour .

Companies don't expect suppliers  to stay less than 2 nights when you take 6 hr flights so I arranged to have the gift of this day to explore my surroundings a bit .

Last night I ordered room service from the kids menu and then watched TLC . By 8pm I felt like it was midnight ( which is really was !) and I went to bed .

At 4 am I woke up of course wide awake but mediated my way back to sleep until 7:30am . An epic almost 12 hr sleep !!!

I looked out the window at guy the pouring rain and did a few hrs of work in my pjs .then head d out to the tourist kiosks for some ideas .

I decided on a nature adventure . In a yellow rain poncho on the rainforest called capilino suspension bridge 

This is what I wrote my family:The grand adventurer I am i am heading off in a few mins to capilino in the pouring rain with a big yellow poncho to go on a suspended bridge and see rainforests . Suspended scary bridge is 450 feet long 330 feet high .wish me luck !! Pouring rain ! 

Turned out to be really amazing . I wasn't scared at all by the suspended bridge . My heart did are at beating rapidly on the cliff walk though . Especially the part with the glass floors ! Omg !! I asked q Chinese man to take a picture and we were both so scared to let go Of rails for a minute .

It was worth it . (for me anyways!)

I also on the 30

Mins bus ride got to see part of Stanley park which I am sure on a sunny day is gorgeous 

 Was a magical day in nature . Close to trees water and good old fashioned beauty 

I prayed a lot ( to the universe ) and thought a lot .reflected a lot on my aloneness and how I felt about that .

Took it step my step minute by minute and again followed my heart . My heart took me to a secluded treehouse on the pond where I read all my fave blogs. It took me to buy homemade fudge for the family and towards q snack of a samosa at a random treehouse Cafe

My heart is with me now as I sit in the rain blogging and waiting for a bus .

 I think I want to spend the rest of the day just listening to where I am led .

In the rainforest today I lost what was probably my favourite earring ever :( a gift from hubby at Xmas and have worn them everyday since. But is there a better place to lose a jewel ? I felt a part of me was left in nature and with the universe . With God in my own sense of the word .

I walked away happily with this in mind .

 A wonderful relaxing way to spend my day . With the splendid universe in nature 

After the rainforests I took the bus to a cheap Chinese spa where I had a very Interesting massage . No receipt and no undergarments allowed . Thank goodness was a woman as the place was a little creepy . But I figure that most Chinese people are really smart and pretty much good at everything they do so this massage would be no exception. And I was right !!! I extended from 60-90

Minutes and she karate chopped me all over and did reflexology . It was super awesome and super scary at times . I had to tell her to calm down but man was it great ..

Then headed back to Gastown for the same Peruvian sandwich I have been craving since yesterday . Then back to the same store I bought the great sweaters and bought 3 shirts to go under the sweaters . Such great prices .then back to the hotel where I called the kiddies at home 

Lying down for a short 30 minutes and then I am taking a cab to the promendade area Robinson street for some window shopping and a little bite of if I find myself hungry again .

I wanted to do the fly over Canada assimilation ride and also wanted to use the hot tub on the roof but neither is going to happen as I had a huge tiring day and I think I will fall into bed after.

Let's not forget what I am here for ! Work ! Tomorrow delivering a session on time management for results and then a leadership

coaching session with one of the executives.  Then a red eye back home to fall into my own bed Friday morning for a few hrs before a packed afternoon of work 

This is an odd and strange life . And a cool one also to explore .Now that our kids are older business travel can kinda be a little fun . Actually based on this trip .. A lot of fun !!

I still think that life ... Should always be treated as a special

Occasion . And I have no intention of stopping any time soon .

Wandering

I am not the wandering type ( well that is I was not before today )

I left home at 6am this morning and came to the beautiful city of Vancouver for business for the next few days . I worked for 5 hrs on the plane which gave me the luxury of a time difference and a whole afternoon to enjoy myself today

A waterfront hotel with a lively breathtaking view and a beautiful city to start exploring by foot . I never knew I enjoyed wandering so much!

I decided just to walk out the lobby door and go where my heart decided . First stop was the sea wall right outside the door . In the sun . Phone off and just people watching . Then walked about 15 mins away and wandered boutique to boutique .

I found a store with a sweater wrap in two colours ( black and grey ) that just called out my name and said " you have been searching for me all your life " of course I bought both .

Then I passed this little dive of a Peruvian restaurant with a sign on the door that said best Vancouver restaurant of 2014 . I decided to go in and order whatever the chef told me was best .

Omg !!omg !! Best sandwich and plate of fries on the planet . Some kind of spicy marinated steak and chipotle and spicy sauce and grilled veggies all heated up with fries to die for with 5 dipping hot sauces . Pure heaven

Then wandered some more into many whimsical boutiques . Who buys a duotang that is plain blue for 30 dollars ? Whimsical for sure !

Then wandered back to hotel and passed a fancy chocolate store . Not even sure I have ever been in a chocolate store . Again I asked clerk to choose one delicious chocolate for me . Was called queen cream . So so so good !!!

Through all this I checked my phone once and hour as have lots on the go right now with clients and also feels  a bit Lonely to just be alone in my thoughts .

Saw a poster in agenda  that said student hair styling school and free shine gloss treatment so did this and hair is very shiny and felt good all day ! Who does this kind of thing ?? Me I guess ! Can't stop looking at my hair in the mirrors .. But 37 dollars for a little spray ? Maybe febreze would have the same effect ?

Stopped off at a Chinese spa and considering a foot rub for 10 tomorrow .

Don't forget I gained 5 extra hours today ( which I will lose on Friday !  So this day feels like forever . I am now going to take my book in the sun in the outdoor heated pool overlooking the city and water on one side and the ski mountains on the other and go for a read and a swim . After that I think I need to nap .

Finally the pool at this hotel had a broken Hot tub so I had special privileges across the street at the plaza hotel . Gorgeous pool and hot tub with a view of mountains and water  on one side and the city on the other . I read a book In the hot tub and contemplated returning back and crossing the busy street in my fairmont robe .then I remembered I was Here  for business and promptly put on my track suit over my bathing suit

Business travel can often be a pain in the butt -but if you end of taking a day for visiting can also be a real luxury too . Nice hotel .. Good food etc .

I am now going to unpack and watch a movie on this big screen and enjoy the evening and fall asleep early . And wake up early too and take a long  power walk-along the sea wall and start my day wandering yet again .

It's very odd to be alone . Wandering . In my thoughts. Feels odd .

 But Ahh .. Entrepreneurship has lots of advantages . I could get used to this .

Passion?

I am not sure I would ever describe myself a passionate person.

Funny, because many people I know [personally and professionally)would describe me that way. But it’s not the way I would describe myself at all. If anything I would say that I lack passion in many areas and it has affected my life in many ways in not so great ways. I have always envied people who are very passionate. And is something I have coveted for myself.

I have lacked interest in hobbies for the most part; I am not attached to a particular sport or activity. I do a lot and try a lot but the only thing I seem to be hooked on are reading and beaches? I have always wished that innately I would enjoy baking a banana loaf on a Sunday morning or feel inclined to plants some petunias in our beautiful yard on a lovely Spring day. Nope. Nada.

Even physically I always had to grow into hugging people and often I feel so tired  or irritable most the day and night I find it a chore to roll over and give a massage or a lingering kiss (omg I am so so so boring!)

Then things I grow to love ,like waterskiing and wakeboarding that I learnt as an adult-I fall ,and have an accident within two years and end that blooming passion. I kinda have a passion for eating certain things (curried checked, pasta, French baguette, cupcakes?) but they are all starchy and can make me gain weight and I don’t like to cook any of them but lie on the couch reading while someone else does. Is that a passion?

Friendships and Family are a passion on many levels, but even with that there are issues. I get annoyed with many often who are passionate about something  for no apparent reason (or big apparent reasons!) and when someone around me expresses too much passion I tend to run away and hide. I am a basket case eh? Too much passion scares me. And annoys me too if I am honest.

Professionally I am definately more passionate, but not half as passionate as I come across as. In the past I was totally passionate about having a cozy well paying, power status position Passionate about how good at my job I was, as has always been very easy for me to master things that involve brain power, determination, obstacles and problem solving. I was passionate about keeping those careers, and flexible schedules, or having a team, or delivering really well, of making an impression, of being really good at what I did, of being social and surrounded by many brilliant people daily, or getting work done through others and winning some great awards.

But in bed at night did I dream of waking up the next morning and doing it all over again (and again and again?) Was I passionate as many of my colleagues were of making a difference in a client’s lives that would transform them? Did it ever really transform them? Or were they part of the next round of layoffs or fall of their high horse as soon as made an error at the risk of innovation?  Is working in a huge company making a difference in the lives of people generally? You tell me.

I loved each and every day of my corporate career truly. I really did. Most people that knew me would say that I was passionate. The ones who knew me really really well knew there was more passion for me to be discovered professionally in other ways.

As of last weekend –things have changed. Professionally that is. I am declaring myself passionate. OMG! I am PASSIONATE people. Each day is different, each day is fulfilling, every day I wake up and am surprisingly so excited about what the day brings. Each day is diverse, I feel I am making a difference, each day I feel pride of what I have built and seem to be sustaining, and each day has a different flavor. And the flavor belongs to ME. It is MINE. I have brains and street smarts and I am putting them to use in exactly the way I see fit. I wake up and am excited and driven to get on my email to see what awaits me. Will this passion last? Can it stay? Is it possible?????

And the answer is: I truly don’t know. I am a master of practicality, good decisions and efficiency. Also we need money to sustain our life style that is for sure. And one thing I am very passionate is my lifestyle (aka our cottage) to have this we need to achieve a certain income and that is not negotiable. Will  I be able to succeed at this that I  am this passionate about, and that is this flexible be able to provide me with this stability financially long term. It certainly looks like it so far. I am very in demand and the clients are very very happy. Big clients too.

But somehow it feels foreign to me to be making good decisions and efficient and financially stable and be passionate at the same time. Doesn’t seem real? But it is. I know it is. Feels like an amazing dream in, any ways that I don’t want to wake up from. And in others ways it is so so so hard. Entrepreneurship can be lonely, and confusing and frustrating, and create anxiety. It has interfered with my sleep, my family and my structures and routines. It is a whole different mindset.

I get restless sometimes. I know that I get bored quickly. Even as I edit and post this blog today I questions if I should and ask myself if I really am passionate. Passion often seems to fleeting to me. It never seems to stay. I have a huge weakness in character in this area. I need a lot of excitement. I am restless

(And I still miss the corporate cupcakes and especially the stir fry line.)

But there are many others things I am getting used to alos. Working from home (which isn’t hard as so often not there as at the clients location) I miss wearing the clothes of a company as now each time I see a client I have to wear a full business suit everyday vs one day a week when I was presenting and more of a business casual look some days of the week when I was at a company. I am getting used to the irregular pay that come in large amounts and then taper off for a few months and come again in big amounts soon. I am getting used to balancing short and long term and working vs networking and finding the perfect balance of the two.  I am getting used to not knowing what my week or day will look like at all and feeling ok with that. I am getting used to setting up subcontractors just in case and using them as I need to.

I am getting used to collaborating and using more of my green energies. Using my instincts more and sensing and judging less. Taking the help I am offered professionally and going with the flow. Praying a lot at night it will all work out?

And yesterday I knew I had found my passion. It was actually the perfect professional day and a few minor things made such the difference. Was it sleeping in until 8am and working in bed beside hubby that made the difference? Was it the cute and funny texting conversation I had with one of my stay at home mom friends whose life is so different from my own but never fails to make me laugh and come back to what is important to me? Was it a quick car phonecall with a BFF I have missed with a quick update? Was it landing the contract with a massive multinational coming I am been liaising with for weeks? Was it giving up money on a contract and deciding to collaborate on it in partnership with a person I know I can learn from? Was it the laughter that stayed in my heart all day and all evening from a client who I barely know who also signed a large contract with me yesterday who put me up to the craziest most eccentric piratical joke ever (to which I agreed!!!!!!)? Was it ending the day two hrs earlier and heading up to the cottage with my husband to wait for our kids in a second car and watch a ton of TV?

Or was it the sweetest, smartest, dearest combination of all of the above? I think it might have been one of the best days of my professional life as an adult (and I have had many) something about it led me to believe:

I have found you MR/Mrs. Passion. I have worked sooooooo hard for you-and there you are so shy and insecure and like a lady in waiting. There you are…Come hither my dear and let me hold you? You are mine for now and hopefully forever. Stay with me, guide me and be my Valentine?

I had the feeling yesterday that maybe, just maybe things would fall into place. And that for once in my life maybe I wouldn’t have to try so hard or think so hard. That my talent and personality would somehow be enough to be the perfect combination to keep sparkling. And shining.

To Have or Not to have a Dog? that is the question

This has been a hot topic around our home lately! And not solved yet either!

We are doing a number of things to test the waters. Can you believe that in two weeks we will borrow a stranger’s dog for 6 days? That we had Beauty’s Bff’s dog at our cottage with a house full of guests? We will visit our friends in Toronto in December and get a sense of their dog too. There are many things we are doing to make this important decision and make sure it is the right one for our family. So far it is weighing in at a true 50-50 chance-but we are doing our homework wisely.

Today we fostered a Potcake puppy on the island of Turks and Caicos!!!! We got to walk her for over an hour on the beach and will go back later this week and take another puppy for a few hours too.

It was soooooo adorable and we loved our experience with “our” puppy. More than we imagined! A few highlights

-she was afraid of water and would quietly whimper when the ocean water touched her feet

-she kept getting tired of running and would lay her head and paw on Hubby’s lap

-she was a chick magnet. If hubby was single he would be in heaven! (I think he still was!) Everyone and everybody talked to us especially young women in tiny bikinis

-she loved her water and her treats and we trained her to sit and stay still before getting one

-she would be sad when she would see another puppy and then it would leave. She would cry

-she liked to be carried in our arms like a baby instead of walking part of the time when she got tired

We really missed her the rest of the afternoon and loved our experience with her. It was really fun to nurture her and take care of her. My heart expanded for that hour I think

I was never a kid person before either and I became one from loving my three babes. Same would go for dogsJ)))

What you chose to do along the way

I had coffee the week before I came on vacation with an old high school friend. We had seen each other for a period of a year about a decade ago but prior to that not since high school. She and I were very close in high school but then went our very separate ways in life.

It was amazing to reconnect with her and we had such a good time. She has three young children and was talking about how her life is, where she is at, how she feels, her challenges and obstacles and triumphs. I have always loved her authenticity and her openness to share about herself-I remember it from high school and she still has that trait now.

There are many different hinges about our personalities but also many similarities. She is very much now where I was about 5 yrs. ago in her thoughts and her feelings. When I told her she asked me how I had changed from those feeling s or that place and it was such a loaded and deep question.

It made me ponder and let me realize what a journey this has been,

Below is a short list of some of the ways I have changed my perspectives over these years. This is in no way an account of where my high school friends are at but an account of where I was at and where I am now. Things that come to mind.

It is only in retrospect t that I fully realize how far I have come. Not that my life has changed-I have changed. I am far more peaceful happier and calm than I was a number of years ago. And it has been damn hard and deliberate work.

A few things that stand out on my journey:

1-Feeling things. I went to intensive 1.5 yr. therapy and when I say intense I mean really really intense. No hiding, no repression, no subject was off limits. She showed me how to feel, to know the difference between sadness and anger. To this day when I feel a feeling I don’t like I have her voice in my head and we almost feel it together. Feeling. Feeling before taking action.

2-I am way less irritable. My kids might disagree but they don’t remember me 5 yrs. ago and before that even. This self is a gift! I learnt my hormone; cycles and how to anticipate and manage them. I learnt my triggers. I learnt my emotional triggers and my physical ones and I have learned to cope with them. When I am packing (often with cottage and lots of travel) I am still super irritable but besides that I would say it had improved by a good 80%!

3-I tell the truth. I say what I need. I don’t believe in scatting around issues, ignoring them, having big elephants in the tom and repression to me is an enemy. I tell you what I feel if I love you lots. What I think, what I feel and what I do not feel. How I experience a situation. Some like this more than others.. I believe in authenticity and truth. I believe in growing. I believe in true love and true love to me...is true and real. I am there for you through the thick and thin  of it all. I want the truth from you and you should expect it from me.

4-I 100% completely trust my kids. I believe in them fully to make capable, sound and good decisions. And if they don’t…I understand that too is part of growing up. This one is a miracle to me as I used to be the biggest control freak on earth with my kids. I got over it. I am finding teens a lot easier through this lens.

5-I have come a loooooooooong way in my marriage. We have come a loooooong way. Long, long long long. We have gone to bat for each other through thick and thin and have loved in action our marriage commitment to each other. We have put our children first and our family life and been through some very tough times together. We could have bailed but we did not. We are married almost 20 yrs.this summer and in the last 3 yrs. we are unrecognizable as a couple to the first 17 yrs. . . . We have re-defined ourselves individually and as a couple. We started off good but now we are great as a couple if I do say so myself. We are proud as not easy at all.

6-I have learnt to trust fully. Be vulnerable. Be fully authentic. Trust that I will be accepted and adored for exactly who I am. I have learnt to share and confide and trust. I have learned to breakdown and build up. I have learnt to love unconditionally. I have learnt to love and be loved. Soulkeeper has been one of the most tremendous teachers of my life in personal growth as a wife and a mother. She has completely changed my life over the last 5 yrs especially.

7-Hubby and I have realized that the body and mind are connected. We eat well, we exercise regularity. We get it now. We thought we got it before but we did not. We fully get it now and realize we need each other to behave in this area. It needs to be a family thing and it is becoming that. We have all altered the way we relate to food and exercise. All of us.

8-I have always had both a professional and personal mentor. Always. I can’t live without this in my life.

9-I have learnt to forgive. Others. Myself. I have learned that forgiveness is for you.

10-I have come to realize that professionally anything is possible. That if I want something it will be mine if I work hard, am capable and deserve it. I have realized that my professional potential is much much higher than my personal potential and that I need to capitalize on it. I need to reach for the stars. And I will.

In looking back at this I keep thinking over and over:

You have come a long way baby

And I have had tons of support through this ongoing journey. I have not been alone.

I have more peace and joy in my little finger now than I did in my entire body a decade ago. I have come so far through hard work, dedication, introspection and deliberate thought and action. I know what I needed to change about myself and I did it one step at a time. So did my husband. We are far from over…many, many more places to develop and improve in, but we have come a long way as individuals, professionals, parents, as a couple and as an extended family.

I am very very close to what I always dreamt of as my future self in many ways.

Now it is time to create my next future self. I am excited to start form the place I am now to define her. A place of stability, trust, authenticity, forgiveness and belief.

Finally I feel safe. And it is from this safe place where real growth can bloom.I feel that now, and only now I am able to realize my full potential with a steady secure foundation beneath me. That foundation that I created, that resilience that I found.

Two things that make me supremely happy in life

1-     Texting relationships with my kids BFF’s. This always puts a HUGE smile on my face when they reach out to me by text or welcome me reaching out them,. Whether that is for planning something logistical that is happening (as often they are better planners than my own kids!) ..Or for just talking about big events in their or my own kids’ lives, or just wishing them a good trip or happy birthday, or sometimes just to say hi and how’s it going. Having that joint person we care about (my kid/their BFF) is so so bonding.

It enriches my life so much. And they often sign off with such sweet things like “thanks for being my 2nd mom” and stuff like that that makes my heart just melt. My life is so much better because of these amazing BFF’s.  The kids are so blessed to have them. As they get older they all mature too and gives me a glimpse of what adult kids would be like. Daughter in laws and son in laws too and how important these relationships will be in my life.

My kids are package deals-they always have been. They come with their families. And watch out as their parents are sure to love you.

If I am not invited to their weddings there will be hell to rise! At this rate I think I may even be paying for their weddingsJ))

2-Helping friends that reach out to me. Helping them through obstacles and things they need a listening ear for. Helping them find a way that makes them happy. Especially when it involves their families and kids. I love helping friends who reach out to me. I feel it is the highest honor privilege as a human being to serve those you love.

I love helping people I love find peace

And when friends help me out it feels like………such a relief and comfort. It makes me feel complete. I have gotten so much better at asking for help in the last two years. Even professionally too I simply ask for help from those who I know respect my work. It is so liberating to just ask for what you need.

Does it give me Joy ?

I am current taking a course on house organizing  with my mom and have read many books on the subject lately too .

The best one by far being the " magic art of tidying up " most parts of the books were very good , some very fanatical and one part truly inspiring .

And it is that part , and that part only that plays over and over again as I tidy my cedar closet, my mudroom and my closets today 

Does this bring me joy ?

Of all the books and courses , this is what stuck and as I touch hundreds of garments and objects I ask myself this question and often out loud .

 And the conclusion : most of it does not . And the things that do ? Give me so much joy .

( wouldn't it be nice to use this excercise in people and Colleagues in our  lives too ??? )

So I am on a mission and my mission is tidying up and simplifying Since I changed  careers not once have I not worked my regular 4.5 days a week unless a vacation . For the next three weeks however ,I have put aside 3 full Fridays to do this 

Today was a bit messed up as a big client asked me to meet her mid morning and I agreed and threw on a business suit. W as worth the effort for sure as that contract will save me many networking meetings is the future . 

But I am committed to tidying 

Just like I am to regular excercise 

These are two things that when I changed careers and now am fully in control of my own time that I knew I had to make happen . And I feel proud that they are and that I am on track with my goals . It is so so so hard to fit them into my life but I feel now is the time with the added flexibility as well as the more independent ages my kids are at .

So today I feel strong and productive . A tad bored (more than a tad actually) as I am a person happiest in my head . So if I am making a list about tidying up I am happy but if I am actually doing the tidying well then not so happy. But I also like asking myself if things give me joy and realizing how many things in my life do not and that it is time to free up that space for something simpler or something better 

And one day I think the whole "does this give me joy" will be the foundation of a very important course or keynote I will give on life in general, about the choices we make and the people around us , about the partners we choose and the food we eat, about the careers we have and the time we do not .

There is a whole lot inside of me that is bursting at the seams ( sometimes literally if I look at the way some of my old blouses now fit !)

 This year is just the beginning of joy for me . The very tip of the iceberg of what is to come professionally . I feel like I am on a discovery: digging, learning and exploring. some days are good and some not so great-but I know it all need to flow in exactly this direction.

For the first time ever I may actually be truly trusting the process. 

Time to make it all happen 

Wabi Sabi

“Nurturing all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is simple and nothing is perfect”

For me this means that it is life’s imperfections that make life beautiful. And it is my imperfect self and the acknowledgment of it that keeps my human journey fresh.

It is coming to peace with the fact that many things and people and things that people do around us are irritating and baffling-but they are temporary and fleeting and without these irritating things and people in our lives we would miss them. There would be a hole in our lives.

And that is the way I understand the Japanese simplicity perspective of Wabi Sabi.

Something I am trying to work on lately is judging others, or wanting others to be more like me, or wanting to change people so that I feel I can love them more, or being envious of what others have and I do not. It is something I am actively working on in my own development. It’s as if sometimes I feel like the world does not have enough love and happiness for all of us. It’s a mindset I want to actively work on in myself and shift my paradigm to a more positive place.

Part of this involves Wabi Sabi. Part of it involves giving out compassion to those who are not showing me compassion at the moment but who I know are generally very good people. Part of it involves sending loving messages to those I feel might need a lift through daily messages to the universe (at the same time each morning where I systematically express gratitude and also set my intention of the day) sending it to people who quite frankly in my life right now don’t deserve it-but who are getting it anyways.

Part of it is simply letting go. Which is hard as I hang on tight. When I start letting go I feel like a big part of me is saying goodbye.

I had a few situations within a few years- that co-existed and taught me the same valuable lesson: sometimes you just have to let things go in life. Sometimes you have to expect that you will always feel baffled by things you just do not understand and have to move on anyway in a loving and compassionate way.

Some other people in my life have called this being a doormat. I think of it otherwise and differently. I see it all as a lesson we learn about ourselves –a gift rather. To show compassion and to forgive to me is the highest and most evolved of the human state. If your needs are not being met in a situation or relationship-a doormat would mean to accept that and do nothing about it. Compassion to me means seeing and communicating and understanding that people do things differently and fulfilling the unmet needs you have in different places and different people. That being said,  still respecting and showing compassion and loving understanding to the person or situation who was baffling to you and not meeting your need and letting them meet your needs in the ways that they are able to and that you are able to accept. 

It is letting go in so many ways while still keeping the person close in your heart and in your life. That being said being true to your heart and seeking that need elsewhere simultaneously in ways that you need to feel safe and loved.

Wabi Sabi.

Or your kids being loud and obnoxious and irritating and instead of yelling or nagging-taking that irritability and turning it into big and true breaths in and out of the body to calm your beating heart. And thinking to yourself “I will miss these sounds one day” and then carrying on. Inviting those sounds more sweetly into your soul.

Wabi Sabi

I am letting a whole lot of Wabi Sabi into my life lately. Letting go of a lot of baggage and opening myself up to new experiences and new people vs trying to change some of the experiences and people into something they may not be.

I am looking for things I need in my life and trying to fulfill them in new and different ways.

Wabi Sabi

Try it on? You may like it too?

Ebb and Flow

I remember reading a book when our kids were little called “Eating, Sleeping and Getting up”

It was so simple and stressed the importance of getting these basics fundamentals right with little ones (which we did). I loved the simplicity of it all. I remember for years after my passwords would always be “backtothebasics” and symbolized for me how happiness and peace come from the daily things in life and not the big things. A good meal in the belly, a needed rest, and some good rituals as we awake and throughout the day is really all we need.

And for the most part for my kid’s’ lives they have had all this.

And me to on many levels yes but with lots of holes in between. Periods of time when I got too busy to do the things that make me happy and peaceful such as exercise, sleep well, eat well, listen to music, write, spend time doing something useless etc.

By the weekends I was exhausted and would literally fall asleep on the couch as we arrived at the cottage at midnight on Friday nights. Literally as I walked in the door I fell asleep on the nearest couch always.

Any time off work was spent on vacation or at the cottage on leisure. Hence why if the weather did not cooperate I was as sad as had so little time to enjoy these precious moments.

In these more mentally turbulent career times right now-I find myself having more Ebb and Flow. Much more of it actually. To the point that I am not sure how I ever lived without it.

This week I planned for 2.5 days of work and 2.5 days transition into vacation week. I actually did yesterday what I wanted to do. That day was partially spentworking and the other half listening to classical music and sorting through recipes to cook on vacation (ok clarification have husband cook)

(My Dad in his grave would be so happy about the classical music part).

I actually enjoyed this time. It felt very precious to me actually. It felt like a world was opening up, slowly but surely. A world I have never ever ever been part of and have never really been invited too..or more importantly have not even wanted to be invited to.

It’s not like I like that world yet…not at all. That world is not mine. But I like playing in in and exploring it. I like testing out how it makes me feel.

 I like seeing what having one life feels like..vs having very often two with competing demands. I like trying this hat on for a while as uncomfortable as it makes me feel (juts like praying makes me widely uncomfortable!)…I know that there are lessons to be learned for me through it all.

All this became very clear to me going through the bag from work that same precious day from my last day at the office. What do I find? My last badge there…dates on the day I left with three important words:

Flow and Massive Success.

This is what I know for sure.

Up a Little Higher

And we'll go up , up, up

But I'll fly a little higher,

Go up in the clouds, because the views's a little nicer

Up here, my dear

It won't be long now, it won't be long now

(ps  lyrics symbolizing  my career and not death!)

I don’t have  even have a picture-and am glad I don’t.

Some things are made to stay just in our hearts in life

These special ladies surrounded me with so much diversity and so much specialness. It was a gift to spend 2 days and an overnight with them all. To get to see who my Mom loves too…makes my heart expand.

I have always wanted to know my Mom’s friends. For so many years has been a missing link for me for someone I am so close too-to be further from the world she inhabits when she is so close to mine in so many ways . I like that for the last few years I have gotten to know her world more closely through the different birthday parties we had and now through these two days at the cottage with her buddies.

On the second day specifically it was as cool for me as they were all so interested in what I do for work and specifically the book I wrote. It was like a professional  panel of people asking me question after question and asking me to expand on so many ways I preach and also live my life. I loved every second of it and really was intellectually stimulating for me too. I miss working at a large company for these types of conversations that I used to have daily-and was happy to engage it in for that day.

Felt a bit like a paparazziJ))))

And was cool for my Mom to see me in that element. My more work/speaker element. We all hold ourselves back from our parents a bit in life don’t we? Don’t let them indulge too much in the full potential capabilities we have? Don’t let them in on our full potential?

Was interesting for me to observe her observing me through their eyes.

And one so much on her journey on vulnerability and authenticity and so clearly open to the world around us and what it has to offer and what she gives it back specifically with her mind and heart  so fully tuned in and engaged.

The other so connected spiritually to the world and striving to combine prayer and action in her beautiful, direct yet soft way.

The other so trusting of life and accepting-a quality that is so rare and wonderful and unique and so powerful-a powerful loving curious nature she has.

The last-the one I know the least who touched me so profoundly when she said “ I wish you were my mom” could there be a sweeter compliment? And her hugs so unexpected and true. It touched me to the core.

They all did

.

And seeing my Mom amongst them. Loved. Loving. Her own world…a world apart from me. Her world.

They all want to buy a copy of my book. They will all get a copy next week-that is certain-but will be my gift to them. They gave me so many gifts that day (more than they could know).

Most importantly  they are all getting VIP front seat tickets to my “Lauren -Kate solves the problems of  the world 1 minute flat!!” future TV showJ))