Be With People Where They Are

More and more this is becoming a mantra for me.

Right up there with Trust the Dots will Somehow Connect and Come Complete with Capability.

The older I get-the wiser too. This is a hidden gift of turning 40 I think; we use our brains more. Maybe because we have slightly less beauty to rely on? Or to be fair a bit more middle aged beauty to rely on?

We begin to realize that people in this world, close and far away from us…are really all over the place. In any given day despite what place we are in, the people surrounding us may be in completely different spaces. One could be overjoyed, the other sad, the other depressed, the other elated, one being laid off, one getting cancer, one winning the lottery, one having a new baby and another giving one up for adoption.

Talk about different perspectives that all these people may have based on the own personal situations!

A friend the other day re-counted a tidbit from her life, that I found so confusing on many levels. She seemed surprised that I was surprised, but gave little thought to the place I was with little context she provided with her news. She made the assumption that I was where she was-that I had any understanding of her unique situation and context.

I do that all the time to people. What you don’t understand how irritable I am right now-I mean I just saw my Dad in the hospital! You don’t get why I am short with my kids-I have been with them alone all week! I have little time for our relationship right now of course you understand-we just went through reorganization at work!

Have some compassion!

But really what we need to say is:

Let me explain to you and provide clarity. Try to be with me where I am now.

So the last few weeks I have been very aware of where people are and how to be with them in that place. People seem to feel more comfortable and better when I am in the same place as they are-or try to be anyways.

So in the last few weeks I had had some conversations with friends where in my head I am struggling to catch on, or to see that point of view, or to comprehend what is being said…I suspend judgment and just listen. To ask questions that from their point of view rather than mine. To get into their heads a bit-even if their heads don’t necessarily make sense to me.

And therin lies the dilemma right? Most people seem to have the ability to listen well and reflectively and really be there for others. Quite a few people are good at that.

But are there many people who are capable of really challenging someone or having them think of things in a completely different way? Those are personally the people that I want to be beside me.

Challenge me! Play devil’s advocate! Disagree with me! Teach me something!

I would likely less welcome someone trying to be with me where I am. Sometimes, for a short while that can be helpful…but more importantly Take me to a new place. A place I have never been before. Don’t leave me stuck going around and around in circles.Help me! Save me S’il vous plait???

Tough love took me to some incredible places. It made me do things I would have never been able to see or do had I not been pushed firmly by a caring and courageous friend.

But I am already good at tough love already, so what I need to be better at is being with people where they are. The combinations of the two would likely been the most powerful. I will aim for that.

So as I lay in bed the other night I asked me the question “And what if the place someone is, is not where I want to be” and my answer was clear….don’t go there.

Leave them in that place nevertheless. Not in a bad way, but in a kind way. You can’t be all things to all people all the time. Nor should you be expected to be. There are some situations and contexts where you just won’t be useful, or be able to be where they may want you to be.

And that is perfectly ok.

Breathing Easily

I realized last night that really there are two things in life that I really enjoy:

Leisure &Work

Pretty much everything else I don’t like-which is a whole lot of stuff.

Most of the things in my life that I do daily or weekly end up falling into these two categories somehow either because they automatically do or I have ritualized them enough that my brain has been convinced that they do.

Exercise for example is leisure because I like it and makes my mind relax.

Tucking the kids in and cuddling them at night is leisure because it pleases me.

Shopping with the kids is leisure because it is fun and makes me happy.

Attending a funeral is even considered leisure because it is about bonding and  deep relationships, as strange as that may seem.

Work is simply work but most days of the week I love it.

Writing is leisure and work.

Strategizing, planning and lists are totally leisure because it relaxes me to know that the future will have more leisure time because of them.

Travel; reading, sleeping, Jacuzzis, family dinners, spending time with friends or family, boating ,cottage etc…are clearly leisure.

So I realized last night why I hate anything related to domestic chores or packing. Because they aren’t work for me (which gives me a huge sense of satisfaction) and they are not leisure (because I hate doing them).

That’s where delegation comes in pretty handy!

It’s also why I will never be a stay at home Mom. I met a woman the other day who stays home with her one son of two years old and she makes her husband so the groceries on the weekends after a full week of work outside the home and go shopping for the son’s birthday party!!! That does not seem too fair does it???

I was in shock. My husband would kill make if I had done that one my maternity leaves.  It was clear to us both that his job during those periods was outside of the home and mine was inside the home. Shopping, errands, packing, cooking, organizing, decorating, taking care of the kids needs re shopping, errands, etc…were my responsibility so that once he got home or on weekends we could relax somewhat as a family together and both spend quality time with our kids. Yes I did the stroller aerobics thing and the Chapter things for a coffee with another Mom -but that was the exception and a treat once or twice a week for a couple of hours just like a lunch break at work would represent

It’s called HOMEMAKER for a reason.

The rest I felt I owed it to my family to run the domestic show or that I was unfair to my husband and children. So I did but it was really hard, because besides being with my children and having fun with them and going to bookstores and foordcourts and exercise classes, there was not about domesticity that I remotely liked or that I was really good at either.

So last night even though we are going on a big trip to Europe today, and even though I am working most the day today at my place of work until 3pm when I leave, and even though the suitcases were calling my name to be zipped up and double checked-I chose leisure and I find myself doing it more and more.

Jacuzzi under the stars with hubby, a yummy double stuffed vanilla cookie to wish me a bon voyage, getting up extra early today to walk my daughter to school and get some girl time in there before I go, and extra cuddle from Chase in bed before school and some superb few extra blond highlights last night to shake it all up before Venice.

My head is always crowded by work and most the time I love it. But I have also decided to crowd my head with leisure in all of its shapes and forms and grab each moment I can get.

So I find myself breathing easier in the last 2 weeks, slowing down and smelling the roses a bit more, enjoying life just be wee bit more and giving myself a serious break on some levels.

I have honestly wondered if my housekeeper or Mom (see delegation!!!) have not laced my food with Ativan lately as I feel I am in a bit of a blur and man it feels good.

So I hope to keep some of this pace as I head into holidays but more importantly when I return. I am counting those years that I have left with my three babies and intend to make each moment count.

Not at home of course. While we work our asses off outside of the home and love it.  To pay others to work their asses off inside of the home and do it well. All for the goal that we all have a whole lot of time in between this crazy life to soak all the wonderful moments in properly and together, the way it should be.

To acknowledge what I am and what I am not and go with that unique flow.

Fibbing Roast Rope

In the last few days I have been the teller of a lie and the receiver of one. It’s amazing what an impact a simple lie can have and how complicated life can become because of one (or two).

It all started with a pork roast. More than a roast this particular one happened to be joyously stuffed with apples and Brie. Since I have been pretty much mentally and physically checked out for the last while due mostly to my work, my Protector has been  managing the home front all on his lonesome.

And forced to plan, organize and execute the 15 person dinner party we held for his college friends at Trent this weekend.

All this to say our angel housekeeper prepared this beautiful roast and we served it to our hungry guests. For whatever reason this time-different than other times where we simply say “We were busy this week and so the woman that cooks for us made this to help us-isn’t it yummy?”. Mysterious lies started to come out of my husband’s mouth further supported by Moi.

I think our logic was-truly  1) this roast is something Hubby could have naturally made so why not take the credit?  2) He wanted to impress his guests and went to so much trouble planning and organizing it and selecting the perfect recipe-why give all the recognition away?  3) he started on a lie and could not stop.

So it all began:

“Oh my God-that roast all roped up so perfectly like that and stuffed looks incredible! Where did you buy it?”

“I made it myself”

“That’s impossible!!!!! You can’t cook that well!!!

“Umm-yes I do-all the time”

“But the way it is roped and wrapped it is as if someone took a ruler and measured it so it would be perfectly spaced. Are you sure you did not have it done?”

“Of course I am sure! Are you calling me a liar? I cook day and night and rope roasts like this often. I just have a good eye and no did not use a ruler”

“Are you sure? We will believe you if you insist-but this is incredible. Really”

“Ya I am pretty good..maybe I can teach you how to rope roasts like this one day”

Next day: admit to amazing cook angel housekeeper that we are big fat liars and ask her to desperately show us how to wrap a roast in this perfect way before 2 months from now at the next get together. And she says:

“My husband is a butcher. He did it. He trains butchers across the island on how to do this so that they come out perfectly spaced and roped for the customers”.

Okay dokey. Yup lying is really really bad. Have I mentioned how much I think people get to learn from experiencing things in life themselves?

We have learnt.

I was also the lucky recipient of a lie this week. When the person told the outright lie I felt like saying “Really? Did you know that 10 minutes ago…..I got the real version of this story? The one without all the lies in it!”

I am biased I guess. I think my lie was better than the other lie. I tend to believe that our roast rope lie was not harmful and not badly intentioned. We are (almost) willing to go back and tell the truth if we did not feel like such idiots and took the lie way too far (almost/ maybe/ not).

I somehow think that our lie did not harm, betray or blindsight anyone. Maybe I am wrong?

All that to say. Lying is BAD. No wonder we tell our kids this all the time and warn them that once one dirty one pops out of your mouth, many others follow because you are backed up into a corner. It’s not very pleasant.

So we all ate this delicious roast together and everyone complimented and enjoyed every morsel, but my Protector and I did not enjoy it as much as we should of. We felt shamed and shameful and were very preoccupied on when we could fit into our schedules to quickly learn the mastery of knots on meats. We should have simply been instead enjoying the succulent company and meal at our table.

So although I was tempted this week to call the other person out and say “Big Fat Liar and you know it!”….I let it go…and  silently accepted that perhaps sometimes, in some situations, perhaps a white lie…is better to receive than the truth.

And that is just how life goes.

Nourish or Nurture?

It occurred to me today at lunch that there are two types of people in this world:

1-The ones that love food.

2-The ones that eat to starve off hunger.

Many days a week either at work or even out with friends on the weekends, I see woman eating big salads with protein in it. And they eat these most days of the week with slight fluctuations such as a yogurt or a soup with it.

I always sit there and ponder: “How can that feel satisfying as a meal? How can anyone want to eat that for lunch everyday”?

To me I love salad, don’t get me wrong but it is always a side. With the pasta, or with the stir-fry or with the  vol au vent. Somehow alone it feels so boring to me. Just not  a treat.

I have been noticing that it is not only skinny people who eat these big salads (to stay skinny) but also people who have been eating them for years and are still nowhere close to skinny. So why do they eat them if they don’t lose weight eating them?

Do they like them?

So today I tried this “strange” ritual out. Certainly won’t do me any harm after the creeping up after the holidays pounds (which I find very depressing given that I had lost a few before X-mas and have been so good with my exercising the last months).

I went to the cafeteria at work and got a big (yummy-yahoo!) salad with lots of protein in it, some hummus on the side. And I took a pack of Melba toast too since I always see these girls take that with their salads. So I did it too for the excitement factor.

I got to the cash and realized that skinny salad eating people (or non skinny salad eating people) must have a lot of money because here I was expecting a cheap lunch and it cost me a fortune too!

I decided there then must be something good about it.

I sit down with my coworkers (who for some reason today of all days decide to eat real food!) and I dig in.

Hmmm…tastes ok. Tasty enough.

But Boring. Not fun at all. Not too satisfying.

Not bringing me the type of pleasure I look forward to at the 15 minutes break I take at lunch after working my butt off all morning and afternoon and evening.

Certainly not enough of a reward or a treat for me..(is this what emotional eating is)?

So I went back to my desk strangely full (with only  a salad in my tummy?) ,but also predictably flustered.

My colleague even commented I look depressed.

Good guess buddy! Of course I am depressed. You are eating pasta rose with garlic bread (and salad and a  sugarpie) and I am eating this salad that cost me my kid’s allowance.

So the morale of this post is:

I don’t think it is worth it to eat like that and still not be skinny.

If you are skinny and eat that-well then maybe there is a payoff for you.

If you are not skinny (but still consider yourself  attractive and pretty by most people’s standards) then I think you should definitely not eat this boring meal and maybe ramp up the exercise.

If you are not skinny (and do not consider yourself attractive or pretty) I really don’t know what to tell you what to do. Somehow I don’t think salad will solve your problems anyways.

Clearly my expertise is not in food or salad or any advice giving in this area. Maybe I should stay within my realms of knowledge next time eh?

Nurturing with food is so much more pleasant than only nourishing ourselves with it. Food is such a pleasure in life.

Maybe the only thing in life that is simple. Always. No fuss. Uncomplicated.

I wish I had a marriage like food. Or a life like food.

I don’t. Therefore I choose food.

(I am going now to eat yet another stupid salad for dinner. Still at work until late, late tonight and there appears to be nothing else available besides the side salad I brought yesterday from home to go with my meal).

Yup. My treat tonight will  just have to be taking a break to write this blogJ

Sexy Girls

I have met a few sexy girls lately….and decided for me what makes a woman sexy in my opinion.

A disclaimer upfront: I have zero attraction to women at all-zero, but have always appreciated the beauty of women in general and have always analyzed what men may or not find attractive in a women. Women and their beauty and attractiveness and sexiness are interesting subjects for me.

I have never ever had an issue in turning to my husband and saying how beautiful or attractive another woman in the room is…I have never feel likes it takes anything away from me. If anything it adds something to me. It adds to my confidence and security.

Sexy woman to me are all about three things: smiles, mystery and confidence.

If you have all three you are pretty much sexy in my books regardless of what you actually look like.

Oh ya and you have to dress really well for your body type. I am all about clothes and accessories. Really good clothes.

Oh ya and your teeth have to look really clean and white.

Oh ya and you have to have style too. A personal brand.

Oh ya and I prefer natural beauties.

All the rest is just peanuts as far as I am concerned.

A Great Smile: smiling to me is the window to your heart. I know a lot of super good looking people who have the weakest smiles and it ruins everything about their looks as far as I am concerned. It’s like a guy with a weak handshake in the corporate world. Move on.

Mystery: I love a mysterious woman; where there are things about her to uncover. I used to be a lot more mysterious before I had three kids….a lot more. The mystery (with my husband anyways) is pretty much over. I need to get it back. I met a woman the other night that was so mysterious, soft spoken, flirty to everyone in the room, complex, complicated, messed up. She was quite a piece of work. Sincere but mysterious.

I can be like this sometimes outside of my family. In a good and playful way with no harm intended, I can be this way with men. Problem is I am married so I don’t get to really do that anymore. I miss this part of me.

The mysterious part is the one that really gets to me as it’s really hard to be mysterious when you are so deliberate. When everything is so planned and when you are super strategic and have it all figured out already. Doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Many men I have met have said that the problem with deliberate moms or wives is that they would not be the same people you have fantasies about. I get that. I can handle that. I know it.  It makes perfect sense.

That’s why for me it’s really important to keep this deliberateness where it belongs-for the family and for work. In other areas of my life to create mystery (which other parts are there left??). It’s important to access that side of ourselves, and carve out a space for it. As I have alluded in my New Year’s postings it’s important for me to let loose sometimes. I find it boring to always know the right things to say, or do or be. I like mystery.

Those are the people I admire the most (and I know a few) who have that put together deliberate side but then have that sexy, mysterious and undone side too. This to me is the perfect combination.

They are predictable until they are unpredictable. They will surprise you at any moment.

This is why I struggle with too much tradition in my life….I love it, but I find it can take away from the spontaneous moments to for me. As in “let’s make sure we have sex every Friday night!” or let’s make sure we all laugh together as a family on Saturdays!” I am very tradition and ritual driven….but I also know that I can overdo it which can take away from just living in the moment.

This year my goal is continue to become more deliberate in my traditions while also becoming traditional and ritual adverse to some degree.

A paradox I know. Mysterious.

Confidence: this one is the really sexy one . If you like yourself others will too. Pointe finale. Stop bitching and complaining about your love handles that I have never noticed until the day you pointed them out to me. Or how your hair is grey at the roots or how eating a cupcake will make you obese. Stop pointing out what is wrong with you and focusing on what is right with you.

Of course we can have conversations with each other about what we like or dislike about ourselves or what we want to improve………but start loving yourself girl!

Most of you who complain are gorgeous, beautiful and perfect. Most men probably fantasize about you on a daily basis. Start opening your eyes and you’re possibilities. Are you going to let an extra 10 lbs stop you?

So wear your little bikinis when you come to my lake, get your hair wet and let it frizz and be all natural on the boat, and put your old granny pjs and big slippers on when you sit at my fire…..because that is what sexiness is all about. Stop trying so hard.

And as far as I am concerned nothing could be sexier than intellect. Be Dazzle with your brains and impress with your IQ. If you have an opinion say it, and make it heard. Interrupt that natural order of things and say something people will remember. If you are good at something-let it be known.

Have a voice. Get a blog!

Sparkle all over the place.

So funny this  post I wrote because to be honest with you,  I am much more intrigued by the sexiness of men (another post on sexy boys at a later date), but I am a woman myself and so sexy woman impress me too.

I think it’s important as a woman to be aware of our effect on others and to be aware or what is important outside of becoming just a mom or a wife or a career woman. It am important to preserve that mysterious, flirty edge of ourselves and let it show here and there, so that we remember ourselves that it still exists.

As I move into 2012 I became aware that I am a career woman, I am a deliberate mother, I am a faithful wife…I am all of those things for sure and I will always be those things.

But something in the some of the conversations I have had over this two week holiday has also led me to believe that there are other parts of myself that I have buried. There is more to me. There are parts that have been lost along the way. There are things I was once. That I struggle to even remember now.

My smile is wide, I have layers and layers to be uncovered and I believe in me.

I have to find a way to let that seep back in as I continue to build the foundation of my family, my career and my life.

Did Santa Grant me my Christmas Wish?

Yes ..Just not in the form that I wished for. In a different form.

Santa basically needed me to learn patience, and cooperation and collaboration and trusting the process just a wee bit more. So he decided he wasn’t finished with me just yet.

But he promised me that if I am nice (and not naughty) that my wish will come true. (and so did the people in charge of my wish so did strongly imply too).

The words that will ring in my head for 2012 are “Be Patient and Trust the Process. Give it Tme. Trust Me. I am Very Confident it will come True ”

My God-is trusting the process being pushed at me or what??????

My interpretation is: “I have your back if you would just lay off please and allow me to do my magic”.

So  I go into this holiday season without my wish necessarily coming true (yet)  but feeling so filled to the brim with thankfulness, richness of spirit, appreciation and love.

If Santa feels I need to learn more patience then I believe him and I respect his decision.

After all…..if you believe in Santa for real than you believe that he knows best right? Part of believing in someone or something is understanding that it will all come together in the perfect orchestra you always imagined at just the perfect moment in your life.

Not believing is easy. Really having true faith is way more difficult.

I  refuse to stop believing in you Santa.

(I will be leaving you some cookies and milk as usual btw)

Heartbeat

I have been holding my breath for her the last couple of months…..and trying not too hope too hard for her.

Today there was a heartbeat and nothing could make me happier right now.

One of my closet friends, my  Soulkeeper, has had many miscarriages and often very late ones. The last one she had was so severe that her own health and welfare were in a critical state. It was frightening.

She has two beautiful daughters, but has really felt in her heart that a third child (maybe blue???) would complete their family. She comes from a family of four siblings who are all close and deeply connected-I think this influences her greatly to want these amazing sibling relationships for her daughters too.

I grew up with this amazing girl and her amazing family. We told each other our secrets in her bathroom, we climbed on my roof as I watched her smoke cigarettes as a teenagerJ We teased our hair together and should have had stocks in hairspray companies. We traded clothes, boys, and hair accessories. We watched each other french kiss our boyfriends in deserted haunted houses; we got fired together at first our ice-cream parlor  job.

She was always my hero in so many ways.

She has had her share of difficulties and early on in her life. Her mother suffered one of the most tragic deaths I have ever known. It traumatized me as a teenager and just thinking of it bring tears to my eyes instantaneously. That particular day that her mother died will stay in my mind forever. I remember every single detail, every moment, every word . I will never ever forget it. Imagine the impact on my friend..unimaginable really.

Despite all of this and many obstacles before and after, this girl (turned woman) has been always the survivor and not the victim.

The perfect balance between joy and peace and routine, structure and getting things done. She is the balance between giving children love and giving them stability and structure.

What I admire most about her as a mother is the way she makes it all look so effortless. I know it it not that way-she struggles of course just like the rest of us. She will never however be found making a big fuss about stuff, or analyzing to much, or trying to create a pretty picture for the outside, or being someone she is not. I told her once that I was surprised to have never gotten pics of her kids on birth announcements or baptism invites etc…. she is just not a showy person; her moments are for her . She spends her time very, very wisely in my opinion.

She focuses within. She once told me that she has reached an  extremely peaceful place. It really shows. She is the portrait of sincerity, confidence, warmth and assurance. All of this translated into a wonderful journey of motherhood. And man..  has this girl has her share of obstacles along life.

While I am sitting there focusing on  preparing the baptism and sending out the gorgeous invitations and choosing the cake and sending out the eloquent thank you cards and recounting it all on my blog; she is simply enjoying her time with her family. Indulging in them. 

And simultaneously she has it all covered. Often we might associate this type of parenting with the more  “laissez faire” laid back style of parenting  when it comes to sleep, toilet training, discipline etc.. Not her! Total structure and routine and values teaching goes on in her family. Her time is spent loving them to bits, but doing everything in her power to make them autonomous and plan for their futures ahead.

It all appears effortless. She does it all so well.

She is an inspiration as a mother and a parent if I have ever come across one. I aspire to be what she is. Her husband is every bit as talented. Gosh writing this now I don’t think they should stop at three kids…I hope it is triplets!

And so today as she wrote me a text minutes after she received her great news, I am still cautious as I know things could still go wrong, but I feel so relieved and so thrilled for her.

I feel nothing but complete and sheer happiness for her and her family.

I have realized in my life that there have been moments where although I have felt happiness for my friends; somehow the situation has often affected me on other levels too.

When I had boys and my friend’s announced the arrival of their daughters, when lately when all of Bear’s friends have gotten into sports program at high school and he was sidetracked because of his surgery; when friends recount an occasion they spend with their treasured Dads. Although I always feel sincere happiness for the gifts that my friends receive in life,  sometimes I also feel a pang of envy too.

I wish this was not so-but it sometimes is. It’s another one of those inconvenient truths.

However today I feel sheer joy –and no offense Soulkeeper- but not a pang of envy! My happiness is not clouded in any shape or form. It’s all for you.

I am so very happy for your Heartbeat my friend. May it continue to grow and flourish into the baby you will soon hold in your arms.

Catherine…. you would have been  so desperately proud of your beautiful girl.I wish you were here to share this with her.

Creating a New Context

I am very lucky to learn a lot of really cool stuff throughout my career, from my many Teachers of Transformation.

One of the most powerful things I have learnt to date has been the concept of creating a new context for a given situation.

It reminds me also in a lot of ways of a blog on a BFF’s blog “Raising Flowers and Skids” called “Starting Over”.

Creating a New Context goes something like this:

You have a set idea in your mind and a certain way of being

This way of being is not working for you

You start over and attach to the idea or thing a new context

You live into this new context

It sounds all very simple but in reality it is quite complex. It sounds really complex but really it’s all very simple. It’s a bit of both I guess.

Here’s an example:

We moved last March to our new cottage and struggled very, very much with this move as we left behind a cottage that has been in hubby’s family for generations and a whole bunch of beautiful memories and family relationships. We struggled immensely with this transition.. It felt like it tore our hearts in pieces.

We had to let go of what the expectations of the old cottage were to us and create new expectations to live into.

We couldn’t allow our old cottage to rule our new cottage.

We needed to align as a couple and a family to create what the new cottage would be to us. All together.

And so we did…little by little.

At first this was terribly hard (and boring too to sit in your brand new cottage and pull out a pen and paper and write).

But it needed to be done…. desperately.

Three months now since we did this and we are definitely headed in the right direction.

We are living out the context that we created.

Here it is below:

1-Weather doesn’t matter at this cottage (recognize this from my blog title??). This one was a BIG one for us. At the old cottage we let rain and sun dictate our days. We found excuses to complain...At this cottage- No Way! We have already had plenty of days where it has poured rain and we have had a blast. It’s a while new mindset for us and a whole new way to look at things. It has changed our life in big ways.

2-It’s a place of intimacy and connectedness. We bring our Best Selves to Trent. We save up all the good stuff for there.. It’s a place full of hugs, cuddles and skinny-dipping ( this part only among the adults of course)J

3-Active Connection with our children. We decided there that we would connect with our kids through activity and learning. We golf with them, we bike with them, we water-ski with them, we wakeboard with them. We cook with them, we play miniput with them, we toboggan with them. We ski with them. We fish with them .We are active (when we are not just lying around the other 75% of the time trying to escape from them!)

It is also a place of teaching. My hubby will show them everything that he learnt from his  own late Dad. Our deal is that all of them will learn to put up a gazebo, take down a dock, learn electricity, learn plumbing, learn to vacuum, learn to cook a pot-roast, learn to clean toilets, learn to mow the law, put a bail bed away, turn a dehumidifier on,  clean a paddleboat, store kayaks for the winter.

It’s a place of doing. And man alive we need the help so kind of a win situation!

So we are  living into this context of the new cottage and it is all going very well.  It is perfect and always peachy? It certainly is not.  Do we always get our new context right? We do not. Do we try our best? We do. Are we deliberate in what we wish for? Absolutely. We are much further ahead now than we were three months ago and this new context reminds us of what this cottage means to us at its very core. It means everything to us really. It’s our heaven on earth. Put there to keep us sane.

So I will keep you posted on this , as creating context is a work in progress and the writing of this post reminds me of the importance of doing this in other areas of my life. 

Creating a New Context?  Man..this  is a Powerful one. It’s a keeper for sure.

Perceptions

Look at the illusion below

What do you see?

You probably read the word ME in  brown, but...
when you look through ME you will  see YOU !

Do you need to look again? (illusion seems not to show up at all on some computersL

When my son, sent me this illusion the other day by email (I love receiving email from him-such a cool way to communicate with kids) it made me stop and think. What came to mind was perception and the way we see things...and ultimately the way it affects both our communication and our relationships.

Last week one of my BFF’s and I were faced with a round of miscommunication. She had written something that I had interpreted in the completely wrong way. Her intention of what she had written was completely different than the way I perceived it. We saw the same words-but there meaning was completely different to each of us.

Lucky for both of us, we are so close that we confronted this with one another and simply cleared this up right away. We checked in and said “Hey that bothered me-and this is how I interpreted this” which led to “OMG-that was not the intended meaning at all!”

Both of us were secure enough in our relationship to ask these questions. Thankfully.

Sometimes I look at the world and think...it’s just a series of miscommunications really.

Makes me think of the expression I learnt from one of my teachers of transformation of “coming complete” . Always finish what you have  started. Always say what is on your mind . Always check in for accuracy. Always tell the truth in the way that it occurs to you.  Always share your occurring world with the other people around you as what may occur to you may not occur to them.

I am thankful that usually in most cases I come complete with the people around me. For the few instances that I have not done so (yet) in particular instances or relationships..I can feel the weight of this burden often. It’s heavy on me and it drags me down.

I am going to keep in mind this optical illusion that Bear sent me and let it serve as a reminder. What YOU see and what ME sees is not always the accuracy of what WE see as unit. The intricacies , the context and the complexities of the relationship we share between us ,  count for way more than what simply meets the eye.

Outhouse Joy

It's amazing how utterly terrified of outhouses I am. It's a really unnatural fear. I avoid them like the plague-I would rather hold in my pee indefinitely then have to visit the outhouse-or even peeing my pants would be a better option as far as I am concerned.

So this summer-our fave day of the summer when we go to our friend’s Holiday House for their annual lake regatta-as we get there Ms. Holiday announces the toilet broke and they rented an outhouse for the occasion.
There it was right in front of the cottage and my friend Ms. Holiday being the amazing woman she is even decorated it inside and out!!!! (my Protector joked she should start and a new business in outhouse decorating and they both had a good laugh, but I secretly thought to myself what a fab idea and started that night brainstorming how to make it happen!)
So I passed by it on way to front door and peeked at it out of the corner of my eye. I conjured up the plan to just drink very little and pee in the lake all day.


Come 6pm I had to desperately pee. By that time there were 27 of us at the cottage, I had changed into my supper clothes and thought it might look a bit suspicious if I changed back into my bathing suit and jumped into the lake by myself to cool off while everyone else was opting for a sweater-so I decided to collect my courage and go for it.
I asked my friend Ms. Holiday if she could stand outside the door just in case I fell into the hole or in case the door got locked forever. She said yes-I love this girl :).

 

So all was ok until she said outside the door -"so make sure you don't look down the hole" so of course I did-just like when my Mom used to say" be sure not to touch the hot pot". It's like a huge invitation no?

So anyways-I look down the hole and fear is replaced by gagging-and lots of it. When I say gagging I mean like the uncontrollable acid reflux one-with no acid. Poor Holiday has to listen to this while she is protecting me from the black hole.
Once the gagging stopped enough for me to reach for some toilet paper- I ran out as fast as I possibly could and opted for the washing of hands at the kitchen sink.


The point of this story is that despite my very real fear of outhouses-I would repeat every single moment of that perfect day. My love of friendship, cozy cottages and regattas and lakes far surpass any fear real or imagined that I have.
I looked at this group of people that we were with ,our Holidays and our Sweethearts and love swelled up in my heart. I would go pee in a thousand outhouses, day after day and year after year to be with this gang and spend the precious time that we do so often with them.

The best part of this entire story? When I got back to my own cottage I actually resented out bathroom a bit. I have always loved the simplicity of cottage life and when I took a look at my well intentioned Cape Cod decorated cottage bathroom-I felt like I was missing out a bit. I started aching for the outhouse . Although mainly I am scared of outhouses-what I am not scared of is experiences and the Holiday House to me that day and everyday always make me feel like I have lived when I have been there.

All in all-I think I will give up my fear of Outhouses from now on just in case next year the Holiday toilet is not working again and my fear  lends to any possibility of me not getting invited back. Secondly, I think that in the future I will potentially be very involved with outhouses since Ms. Holiday will need an expert marketer like me to help her with her Decorating Outhouses profitability plan:)