Taking the time to smell the sweetest of 3 roses

We had the privilege and honour this weekend to host three small guests (age 7/5/3yrs) while their deserving parents got to spend a weekend alone downtown in a hotel.

These are the three yummy kids of Soulkeeper  and M&M  and I have been intimately connected to these three  kids since their births. Over the years I have made sure I keep that contact with the kids by babysitting every few months at their place while mom and dad  go out for dinner ; hosting them at the cottage as a family and generally just keeping up with their lives , report cards , doctor apts and lives 

They call us Auntie and Uncle and our kid’s ,cousins 

In 2016 one of my commitments to myself was to always ensure to put my love Into to Action beyond my own family . And to have these particular surrogate children since mine are getting older now and not as excited by going to Dollarama and for a burger. What better way than to start with the three we already know so well and hold dear in our hearts!

So the weekend away tradition began and as of this  and  from now  on we will have them one weekend a year and then when the youngest is 5 yrs. old we will move into to their place for additionally for another  week and babysit while their mom and dad take a yearly week vacation 

It was my promise to them since forever. And most importantly my promise to myself to this for a girl and guy I love and who have so actively loved our family (much of our conversations back and forth are about all the kids and their lives and well bring etc)

Also to fill in and nuture SK with her kids since she lost her own mom at such a young age (21)

This weekend has been such a delight! So fun! Such incredible amazing kids. So kind and so sweet and they all love each other so much and are so respectful and kind. They are great little guests and little helpers and they have brought so much life and sunshine in our home! I adore the sibling relationships between them-it is so precious to watch. 

(Of course our house is also messy and we are tired and haven't stopped all weekend but it is soooo worth it!)

We went to the dollar store and got one treat and a toy each; we went out to eat hamburgers; looked at seashells I kept from the beach; went to cottage for l8 hrs since Bear had a ski gala; had a Jacuzzi outside with bubbles; had lots of healthy snacks and watched the Lego movie and had tickles before bed 

Then in the morning they got up at 6:50are and entertained themselves until 9am when we got out of bed!!! These kids are miracles! Their parents are heroes in my book and the best sleep trainers ever.

Then we had a girl party in the  Jacuzzi and a big blueberry pancake brunch and leaving soon for part two that involves Beauty who they miss! My three teens are so busy with their own busy social lives now that have only had each for a couple of hours to be with the kids. Has mostly been me and Hubby taking care of them which has been nice as had given us a real chance to know them individually and uniquely in a way we would not if our kids were entertaining them .

Another one of my goals: be present to the people I love. Fully present.

When you take care of other people's kids you realize where you may have gone wrong yourself in retrospect raising your own:

My were way too loud 

My were not kind enough to each other or to us 

Mine had no patience at all (nor did I)

Mine did not have well enough overall manners (or any)

We did not focus enough on toys and games and follow their developmental stages enough

I nagged and often yelled at kids. Soulekeeper never ever uses this method (patience of steel)

(All of the above still hold true today)

You also realize a few things you did really well as parents:

Our kids were great at transitions between activities and structure 

Our kids were very organized and competent at helping around the house very young 

Our kids were scared of nothing and extremely confident in their abilities on basically anything and everything 

Our kids were extremely socially graceful and comfortable in any adult or child social environment

I realize overall that we have been much more focused on performance and getting things done as a family than just.... Loving them... And being loved.

Thanksfully for them and us we know this weakness about ourselves and have tried to  balance it more with tons of family time and fun traditions etc., but to be honest there has not been that much time to stop and smell the roses and I realize that smelling them is lovely for all of us.

We have focused on the present but in the ways we wanted to vs how they may have wanted to. It has produced very capable kids, autonomous, able, performing and thankfully happy too in most ways. And extremely secure but also kids who may have benefitted a whole lot more of their parents have been more present in the own worlds and slowed down a lot more 

I see the difference now. And I am truly not sure which one is better or right or wrong. There is no right or wrong! Just different ways to bring up a family.

I love certain ways I have parented our kids but am disappointed in myself for other ways. Soulkeeper is just such a great mommy-she gets it all done in a calm gentle, often firm manner but so loving and caring and kind. And she is aware of her areas of development too and we both openly discuss both our areas (her being late, time management not responding to texts are minor compared to my own faults!!!!!!! Trust me!!!!  (although would be nice to be able to speak to her and keep up much more often as often feel like she is too busy between visits but it is because she is being present and nuturing so many areas others but just wish I could have more air time by text and phone with this great girl as I need her!!!!!lol!! (and she knows all this as I tell her:))

SK or and I are totally similar and totally different too and that is why we love each other so much and learn so much form each other . Yet  I never realized how much I would learn from her kids!!

I realized yesterday that I can be counted on 100 percent to be on time , not inconvenience others ever , and get packed in as much fun humanly possible into a weekend all planned out sealed and delivered that SK is busy loving in those times the unique people that make up this world . Being present with them, loving them, bring out the best of them, nurturing them on demand (I nurture. It  is on a schedule) I focus on a lot of family and life values too but through a very structured approach. I am not so great at letting it all just happen with love 

We are different and no way is better: Both had benefits and costs. Both are good. A balance of the two would be the ultimate!!!! But we can't have it all right? I don’t believe that..I think we can. I wish I would have done this right the first time.

All I know is that these kids are angels and so so so amazing. I am in awe 

( and ps to be blessed to have  two girls in a row and then a boy it rocks this way )

I wish I had been better at kind thought. I wish I still was. I guess it is not too late?  It's funny as so many around me have described me as  very kind and have and extremely thoughtful, but by my own standards I am not kind enough. Neither are my kids and being around super kind people makes me realize that even more and have regrets about it . I think I need SK couple to keep my kids for a weekend and teach them kind and respectful. Her kids are the sweetest!!!

But then I think to myself: I am kind. I take kids on weekends? I care about my friends and their joys and obstacles ? I write a blog about how much I love my kids and read my friend blogs about how much they love theirs?. I am kind. Maybe I just have to be kind and stop smell the roses? It is so against my natural core though and really has to force myself. But I know it is good 

(I am too tired right now to list all the examples of how great they are but lucky for their Parents we kept a list of all the ways their kids we noticed are incredible and all the cute things they did :))

On the agenda this afternoon is time with Beauty which they are all begging for and then Didi coming over and telling them a story about a goat on a mountain . Then baking a cake for their dad’s early bday dinner and Chase going to get pad Thai ingredients.

This has been an amazing weekend all around and I will do it again and again and again. I realize that little kid family life does not have to end. It can continue on and on through creative ways. These three kids are living proof that is very possible to deeply and profoundly love children who are not your own. I love them with my heart and soul. I think they love us too in that same way (i know they do as they told us all weekend how nice we are and how cool)

We intend to be a big part of their lives forever and help them let us smell the roses a little more. Also teach us and guide us in our own parenting journey where it is never too late to take advantage of second chances 

When SK oand M&M got back we all chatted about the fun weekend and all had a great early bday dinner together complete with homemade pad Thai  that Chases shopped for all the intricate Thai ingredients and a delicious bday cake that Beauty made with the kids . Bear set the table and put in the extension to receive our guests 

As I sat there looking at us all I realized show much I have always wanted this particular type of village in my life . One where we take care of the kids and she rubs my husband’s butt with her elbow ( long story about a sport massage hubby got ) where he gives me a bit of tough love about the state of my Mom’s concussion a we give him advice on his job interviews and salary options . Where we talk freely about wierd naked poses with hairy bums (lots of bums tonight!) and she and I are there for each other in every way completely without judging and with complete understanding and able to share anything and everything. Where we share our little kids and our big ones too and where our little and big worries are expressed. Where calling a friend up to go for a run up the mountain is just ... Another fun thing to do to help a buddy get in shape for Peru. We feel blessed to share our lives at this level and to be there for them and them for us. Nothing is a favour.. It is simply love in action 

(And one huge thing I learnt this weekend with little kids: always take the parents car! That way you can leave their luggage in it and easier  for  and all their little (big) messes get put in their own car! (Especially when you just got  your own new family at one day before!!) And always get Hubby to wipe the smelly poo-poo bums!!

Ella Bleu! Elle-Belle! Miss Bleuberry Eyes!!!!

You walked today! Your cast came off! Your brace came off!

I was so happy to receive your Mom’s text and your Dad’s video of you walking right out of that hospital little one!

And those doctors thought you would need Physio to learn to walk again? Not you!

I loved seeing that video of your face and your pride and your freedom.

You are free.

What an unbelievable feeling that must be after all of these months.

Thanks Ella for teaching me about resilience, and determination and love. Thank you for letting me help take care of you once in a while, and  teaching me about tea parties. I love your matter of fact way of speaking and the way you love the sparkles on your cupcakes. It has been so much fun hanging out with you. And I hope we continue to do it often.

Thank you Ella for giving me the chance to put my love into action and for welcoming all of us into your difficult process.

You also taught my own little girl to give  and to help and this process really really bonded us in a new and special way. No one was happier than Beauty today when I told her the news!!!!

Thanks for letting us see a real life example of a family who went through some really tough times but who stayed calm cool and collected and came out on top-walking out of the hospital hand in hand. Together.

Mostly thank you for getting your Mommy to ask for help when needed. I hope she always always does this with me. And me with her. What a great feeling this is for two girls like she and I who have relied on ourselves for so many years to be able to openly reach out to each other

You will always be my little princess superhero girl. And  you will always come to mind for me when I am going through something tough myself…..I will remember how you got through what you did. You are still my hero:)

Congrats Ella!!!!

Everyday Ella-Bleu

 

I am timing this post to be published exactly at 7:45am. This is when little Ella’s major surgery begins this morning and will last 4.5 hrs.

She is just shy of 5 years old and this is her second major surgery of her hip and leg. This one will leave her in the hospital for the week under epidural for pain. Then the recovery begins which will be  a total of about 3 months of being in a full body cast, then transitioning to a soft one and then intensive physiotherapy to have her learn to walk again.

This will be really really hard for an almost five year old who is used to dancing and moving and swimming and running and going to daycare. To have to lie down and be immobilized, and be in a wheelchair, and not leave the house much , and be back into diapers etc..

And her parents certainly have their hands full. A 6 month of boy and 2.5 year old girl to take care of too. They are two of the most competent and strongest people I know. Even last night as my SoulKeeper called me…there was still calmness in her anxious voice.

I named our bathroom at Trent “Ella Bleu” because every room got a name. Each is named after someone who helped us get to the at beautiful place. Her parents introduced us to this lake and so I named the blue bathroom after their eldest daughter. PS-it’s a super pretty bathroom and one of the nicest corners of the house.

I called this post Everyday Ella because this family has made it’s way into my heart way beyond big crisis like this one or happy occasions to be celebrated. This family is a forever family. We love sharing our lives together at any moment and being there for each other through it all. Through hearing about the first swimming lesson, to a bad mark at school, to a first nightmare, to a cute thing Beauty says at the table.

It feels so wonderful to share at such an everyday level.

It’s as if I have been given such a gift as my three get older to have these three little ones in my life. I intend to take this role very seriously. Lucky for me their Mom really trusts me and places that trust in me. Little baby was supposed to be with me all of yesterday and Ella will be coming for a weekend to spend with us as soon as she feels better for fun and sleepover. My daughter is taking her two days off from school and going to babysit Ella in the next weeks to let their Mom get out for a workout at the gym with the baby in daycare. We have promised to teach their kids all to waterski at our cottage while they steal away for couple weekends as soon as the baby turn 1. They would do anything for our kids and have offered to be mentors for our teens (not a bad deal considering both specialize with troubled adolescent boys!)

So right now at exactly 7:45am……my darling Ella-my thought are nowhere else but on you. Not on my child who told me he is discouraged, not on my husband to whom has a lot going on right now..not on my Mom who had some difficult news..not on myself for whom things have been tough for lately. My thoughts and vibes are only for you.

And it will stay that way until you are out of surgery at about lunchtime today safe and sound. I am of course wearing my lucky charm necklace today especially for you.

And you will hear more about Ella! When I visit her over the months ahead even time I am interviewing her about her experience  and recovery and will take some great pics to post to this blog.

I am excited to make her feel like a little model!!!