Crockpot Queen

It is hard to be a queen around cooking for this household because 

A) I generally hate cooking ( not  in my heart  who thinks there is a chance I like it ..but in actual reality )

B) my husband is incredible at it so very very hard to compete 

C) the things I would be open to or like cooking are not good for us 

Over the years I have had this hidden passion for cooking ( so hidden in fact I have rarely even made a box of Kraft dinner )

I make  very yummy and creative sandwiches and salads a lot but that isn't really cooking 

That being said I rip out hundreds of recipes to cook . And they sit in a file or my husband eventually makes them . But deep inside I know the urge is there and waiting to come out . Cooking two meals a week has made it onto my to do lists and New Years resolution lists more times than I wish to admit

Never happened .

I wanted to " specialize "'in sandwiches at one point and kinda so in some ways I guess 

I really really want to specialize in pastas and baking but I know that would just lead to a bigger butt for me so I don't dare too 

So the other day it hit me !! Crock pot specialization !! We have been using it at cottage here and there and Always looks so simple and easy when my husband does it . Plus only one pot to clean ! And can be done in morning when I have more energy and nothing needs to be reheated in microwave . Winning formula !

This week I was truly inspired when my husband made a 5 mins crockpot recipe and everyone adored it . So today I was excited for my turn today 

I mixed sausages ( frozen ) some leftover homade pasta sauce we made on weekend , chickpeas , peas and carrots and fresh basil and am letting it cook all day . Smells very delicious . I can't wait for my family to say " yum what dad made " and me to say "'it was mommy !!! "

Ps they all loved it and all begged for the leftovers for their lunches ! Felt so good for me 

It's odd to make time to put together a quick meal on morning like that even if less than 10 mins as after excercising .. Showering ... And cooking .. I feel like shouldn't I be working by 10am ?

But hell I guess this is one of the benefits of being and entrepreneur 

And if my food is good-  my family will think so too 

I think I can get really into crockpot easy cooking . I actually don't love meat much in a daily basis so won't be as tempted to eat lots of it myself either .  I am a big lunch eater and am very content at dinner during the week to eat a few bites of the meal with some fruit or veggies and a few almonds . Good big portions too as all three teens are foodies now and eat us out of house and home . All healthy expensive stuff too ! ( aka salmon and avocado with but butter and capers for breakfast with a protein shake with eggs and bananas avocados and veggies )

The nerve of those healthy kids eh ???

I will let you know how the crockpot queen is turning out in a few weeks .

I am hoping to integrate cooking as ( finally ) part of my identity . Right up there with loving yoga

What is happening to me? I am finally getting some hobbies and getting really good at life!

Lots going on in my Head and Heart!

It's always shocking to me in life to be able to experience such a vast amount of feelings all at once . All so different and opposite in many ways but all intertwined at the same time .

Pride- in my husband and love for him and such admiration . Is it possible to love someone more deeply after 20 yrs of marriage than when you first met ? He is climbing Machu Pichu  Peru in less than 4 weeks for 10 days and this is BIG for him . Mentally , physically and socially . Big . And way way out of his comfort zone . And he had been preparing for months and today in the USA with the team a huge hike and I have never seen his this stressed 

And he did amazing . I really love watching him grow into this new him . And us into a new us 

I love the example he is setting for our children . I love watching love in action . I love watching him unfold 

Sadness and worry : for my mom . Always always my mom . Surgery after surgery and diagnosis after diagnosis . All separate and horrible things . Never a break . Never never never . On her own . So beautiful and wonderful but so broken from all of this too . I love her so much my heart could break but I feel helplessness too . I don't know how to make it all better 

I have never been able to love more than my love for her . I am starting to be broken too and not know what to do anymore 

Love - love love love for our three kids who are becoming amazing young adults all on their own ways . Some moments are hard and annoying but most are just beautiful . I love the process of watching them grow into their own . It is such an honour 

Concern -about two big contracts that got cancelled of mine for work that are out of the client control . Stressful especially as two full weeks of work down the drain and no compensation . They wanted the work but very crazy circumstances made it all be cancelled . Worrisome 

Awe - in my daughter . What she is capable of . What I am capable of . Our slow but sure growth together . Awe of what might lie ahead that at various points I never thought possible . Awe in my tenacity . Awe in what I am uncovering in her . I feel like I am falling in love all over again wit that little baby girl they put in my arms 

Uncertainly - what does the future hold ? What is my place in it ? How come I feel ok with not knowing ? Where will I be next year ? Tomorrow ? 

Joy-from talks and texts from my Bffs. From b-day events upcoming including and adult weekend at cottage ! and 5 days in Turks! and a brother-sister miami weekend! this will be best b-day ever (bday is just an excuse to do all these things I love). Just happiness that i am so surrounded by good good people who I love and who love me. I feel adored many days by some pretty special people and that feels so so sweet to me

Missing - missing people in my life I love and who I miss . Who are busy . Who are broken . Who are preoccupied . Who are not there . Missing 

Gratitude - I practice it daily now and it has changed my life and my perspective and outlook . Grateful for the little things and the big things too . Grateful for others and their peace and happiness . Grateful to get to be living life and my ability to feel it all so vividly good or bad . To be in touch with myself so much more than before 

Grateful for the life I am carving out 

And for who I am becoming in the process 

Grateful for second chances 

Irritability - that it is sept and summer is finished . I feel like I have been robbed in so many ways and on so many levels . I have always loved the working part but it is all the domestic preparing and rushing and cooking and cleaning and nagging and directing and homework and earlier bedtimes and lunches and getting up early that I resent . Summer makes me realize how crazy our lives are the rest of the year . I am great at discipline and routine and structure and do it well but I do still resent it . Such a lack of quality family time  or any time for conversations or living life One week after school starts kids need to study hours at night and hours and hours on weekend . Yuck 

Peace - never ever thought I would say it and mean it but my heart is peaceful . It is 

With one child with scoliosis .. And one with new heart arithmia ... Some attention stuff and learning disabilities for two ... And a mom that I love to the core with every arthritis inflammation possible and a continued brain injury for three years now and  neck surgery upcoming . With having left a career I love and building another one .

Without champagne  for any of us at special occasions .

 I feel peace . 

When you give up something that was very very important to you .. You begin to discover the full landscape of your life . It's truly interesting what the last few years have been bringing us - despite so many daily obstacles around it all 

We are here 

Hand in hand . United 

Mothers Day 2016

Unconciously or  conciously I forgot to post this blog last week. So today when i posted the new one right away it occurred to me that the context was not there yet and had not been posted. Read this one first about the real mothers day and then the one below it about how they made it up to me)

Mother's Day 2016

I will remember this one forever 

And unfortunately not because it was special but because of how hurt and sad I felt. I would like to write how wonderful and spoiled I was and felt like a princess all day and make myself sound like the adored mom I think should be - but I always vowed to keep this blog real and I don't have any intention to stop now just because my feelings are hurt and my ego bruised 

Parenting can be one beautiful and one painful journey 

Usually living with three teens I can handle. Fairly successfully and well. I do most of the heavy work. Hardly anything domestic but all the emotional stuff and the planning and organizing and worryingly just like most moms. And I do it really really well in my opinion most days with caring and grace and many other days with some nagging and screaming. 

But my kids are loved and feel it daily. Their lives are good. More than good 

And yesterday I felt dismissed. I won't even get into the details as it hurts to write in a lot of ways but was all the subtle things that were Said or not said and the passivity that surrounded it. Although my husband was not as guilty as the kids there was so thing about how he did not stop it that hurt. Something about his comments the night before as so often happens a when it is my turn to be celebrated that made me feel as though he was not the proper role model in this 

It all caused me a pain I have rarely felt 

And when my own mom turned to me with tears in her eyes and put her hand on my knee and said”

I am so sorry you are being treated like this”

Something broke open inside of me 

And I took my mom and left. Left the gifts and the last minute scribbled cards. Left the wrestling and bad manners and chaos and them with all their mouths hanging wide open - and bundled up my mom in the cold weather and took her to the patisserie and for a walk ( PS neither was she fit to do given her state of health right now ) I took her anyways 

And she talked me through it all even though I am sure she had more imported concerns. She was there for me and I was there for her 

When we got back home there were notes and love letters and apologies taped on the door from all. I read them quickly and walked inside .And Spent the rest of the day by myself sulking

For the first time in my life I was not ready to accept an apology from my kids. I did not care if they felt bad all day or week or year. Something has hardened in me. Not being appreciated on Mother's Day or made feel special at all did me in. I have not felt the same way since. 

Maybe it was the sharp contrast between how I treat my Mother and how they treated me that day. I sat down and gave her a bagful of special things I had selected that may help her through this difficult time of not being able to really do much mentally and physically each item with a symbolic of useful meaning. Or the pictures I framed lovingly or the money I gave her to help with an expensive doctor apt. Or all the time and care of the last few weeks and my missed work for Doctor apt and speaking 7 times a day on phone when  normally can't even make time for more than texting .And I  would not change a thing as she is my mom and I love her more than life .She is worth it . I gave her my favorite pillow and my favorite pair of jogging pants - anything to make her feel a little happiness 

Maybe it was that sharp contrast this year that made it so painful 

Maybe I am a tiger mom 

Maybe I just really needed some tender loving care for myself and some needed family time 

Maybe I just once in a while need to be reminded that I do all this for a reason and a purpose and that it is worth it 

I thought Mother's Day was for that. I thought it was and it wasn't for me this year 

This year I lost my chance and the hurt is overwhelming me and taking over . I  am not sure I have every felt this sad or disappointed  over any event 

It hurts to be a mom.

Ps only good news is that I woke up the next morning miserable and feeling sorry for myself and asked myself if I still wanted to go to the gym ? And my answer was yes! I am at the point of habit where it actually know it makes me feel better (which it did)

Then also in the day I got very apologetic and sweet texts from all of my family (but I made it clear I was not fully ready to accept their apology)

And I went on business class to Miami for work the next afternoon and pigged out on both the food at the business class lounge and the food on the plane. Somehow if something really yummy is free I feel obliged to eat it .I even had a bowl of tasty tomato soup. Felt a bit like my own little Mother's Day celebration. With me - and me 

My Day

As I mentioned Mother's Day was a hot mess 

And I basically fumed about  it mostly internally for a week .

And then I decided to move on and accept all their apologies and forgive .

So Sunday they all redid Mother's Day and called it Tarina day . It was really nice . Everyone was on their best behaviour all weekend and they all had lovely cards and a super great gift that they all came up with :

Family time chargers: 3 separate chargers for their phones for my room so that when it is family time at the cottage they can charge their phones far away and be out of sight . ( vs the usual I can't put my phone away as need to charge it ! ) the chargers are all labeled with a family time sticker too ( ok ok so maybe it was not fully their idea but we all pretended it was )

Anyways best gift could get ( although would have preferred it a week ago )

Hubby got me an amazing suitcase that is perfect for my business travel  and really special . Also an iPad holder to watch movies on the Bali bed and some wristbands for the gym so the kettle balls stops bruising me when I swing them

Then they all made a really fancy brunch ( eggs Benedict asparagus bacon toast hash downs fruit ) and the boys each gave me a long massage which was heavenly . Beauty is giving me her hot chocolate mommy daughter treat in a few weeks when her 35 extra hrs of dance a week are over !

We had a great family jacuzzi and watched a totally funny comedy together about families .All in between lots of study hours and all of us working around the cottage to get it ready for spring 

What stuck with me was just the love and what was written and drawn on beauty's card . The way bears card was rainbow written and must have take forever to write and how chase ... Was just chase and massaged me while talking about if he could have a party .

I loved being held and kissed by my husband .

I loved hearing how proud of my career they all are 

I just loved being with them 

It won't be a huge  "thank you!!!!!"this year -but it will be " I am thankful" And mostly grateful that my kids learned an important lesson in life about holidays and the importance of them-and were able to have the opportunity to fix what was broken through their deliberate actions and intentions

Pot???????? No way!!!!

When Chase turned 18 yrs old, Hubby and I often have discussed since that moment a couple of months ago that we have been lucky. Lucky that we did not have big teen issues with him as we had always expected to have. We had all the little annoying stuff and still do all the time (disrespectful, totally messy, chaotic, drops classes, doesn’t listen, forgets critical things that we have asked him to do, runs out of money, goes clubbing until all hours of the nights, drinks alcohols, experiments etc..)

But what we have not had are the big stuff. He comes home when he says he will (even if he negotiates that time to be 3:30am) he is where he says he is, he is respectful to our family life most days of the week, loves his family, gains useful employment and generally respect the rules (could also be that as of 16 yrs  old  don’t have too many!!!)

Well our opinion changed (for a few hrs) two weeks ago.

I had been reading a blog that morning on my break from my work to relax me. Well it did not relax me at all. It was a very honest gut wrenching  blog from a very well know blogger and famous author of parenting books that her  now 21 yr. old son is and their family are going public on the drug addiction of their son who they found out has struggled with this since the age of 15 yrs. and had hidden it. This is the model of the picture perfect family it seemed –highly religious, highly family oriented, hardly allowed TV into their house or rude video games, high love and security and devotion, church going abiding kids who seemed to be endlessly happy. And now at 21 he is in recovery and coming out into the world with his message. These both humbled me, and also depressed me. I admire the son, the mother to so many degrees and their honestly was so admirable, but I was also seized by fear in so many ways. If it could happen to them-it could happen to anyone!

Anyways that afternoon probably for the second time in my life I craved chocolate (I don’t usually crave sweets on a weekday) so I innocently went into e kids rooms to find (steal)  some. On Bear’s desk there was some but don’t like the brand-next to Chase’s room and opened his bedside drawer and sifted through.

I see a big bag of what looks like earth or some weird dust or something. Weird!

Kind of bothers me on some unconscious levels somewhere back in my brain but quickly put it away, took the chocolate and try and forget about it.

Forgetting about it doesn’t happen so easily

Two hrs later I have sort of succeeded and hubby writes a text:

How are you?

Down I guess

Why?

I hate Mondays and I also found a bag of earth or dust in Chase room?

What??? Take a picture and send it to me!!!

Ok (send pic)

Hubby: I am coming home

Hubby comes home and by this time I am in a full on panic. I have never seen or taken drugs in my entire life and have no idea what they look like. I am sure sure sure that Hubby will say it is something else. But I am looking at his face and in a big panic as his face is not looking reassured.

 Hubby: This is earth

Me: Oh thank God!! I thought maybe it was drugs

Hubby: there is a piece of tape attached sealing the bag and on it there are seven seeds

Me: why would there be seeds?

Hubby: looks like our son is growing pot in his room

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Serious full on panic. (me crying and hysteria too) We look on internet and Hubby says that yes pot as the seeds all match. We tear apart his room and his mattress and anything else to find something else. Nothing.

We text our son in the middle of CEGEP classes and say to call us immediately. He says he cannot as watching a movie in class that is an exam. We tell him to hell with the movie and to leave class (in my mind he is not going to Cegep anymore anyways but back to private school or maybe evenly jail so I really don’t care if he misses an exam).

He doesn’t leave and says he can’t. He is freaking out and worried someone died. I tell him nobody died and everyone is safe (except for him)

He calls 7 mins later. We put him on speaker phone:

Us: We are in your room and both home from work

Him: ok..why?

Us: We found something. Any idea what it is?

Him: No. What?

Us: Earth in your nightstand with seeds to grow

Him: ya ok?

Us: Ya ok???????????????????? Are you fucking crazy? You are growing weed! And probably selling it too????

Him: (feels like a lifetime of  (guilty)silence. Guys are you stupid??? That is my Humanities project in my food class. I am growing  CHIA seeds! I will send you the course outline if you want to prove it!

Us: oh thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him: OMG you are so so stupid. Did you really think I would grow pot in my room by my bed? . Can I go back to class now????

Us- Ok bye. Sorry??

And then we don’t know whether to laugh or cry. The laughing came later. For the moment we were too humiliated. Hubby was so so angry at me and said I made too big a deal out of it by calling him in class and telling husband at work!  (pls husband you are the one who cannt tell the difference between pot a a chia seed whatever the hell those are!) He said we ruined our trust forever with our son. We both wrote him long texts (after class) apologizing and begging for his forgiveness in doubting him

Chase clearly and with good reason,  did not respond and ignored us the rest of the afternoon

At 5pm I wrote him a text and bribed him a little. “Hey Chase you know this morning when you asked for the car-well I am cancelling my plans and letting you have it tonight. I am also picking you up from school too. I feel soooo bad for not trusting my guy. Forgive me?

He took the lift and kind of forgave us. He kind of hugged me and by end of the drive we both laughed.

The next night at the dinner table we really really laughed.

This story will go down in our family history

And the best part is he never seemed too mad that we had torn part his room, not trusted him and confronted him on something he did and would likely never do.

I could tell by his face that he knew that we did it out of love and that if he was a parent he would have done the same. We are always on the same page as this kid…and that is what makes our relationship with his so easy and so beautiful; we screw up (or he does) and we make up. We forgive and move on-to the next difficult (or beautiful) thing about to happen. I thank God daily that this kid was given to us to care for and to learn from and to teach. And also be a great example to his younger siblings.

And PS-so I still don’t know what weed looks like!!!!!! Maybe we need to take our adult buddies up on their offer to play poker and smoke pot together one evening before we are too old!!!

On Strike

I made the decision last night in bed at 4:30am that I was going on strike for the holidays (16 luscious days actually). I woke up my husband at 4:45am and announced it.

The great thing is that it is not (really) a revenge strike-or trying to get anyone back in particular, or a mean or nasty one. It is just the consequence of some natural occurring events over the last 18 yrs. It was the product of a big blow out with my almost 18 yrs. old son yesterday  now in Cegep and only in exams has the misfortune of being with me at home all week while I am trying to work and he is trying to be teen.

It was also the product of a huge discussion that me, Hubby and that same kid Chase had in front of the fire last night juts the three of us about our parenting styles and some suggestions he had (mostly for my husband in the raising of our other two children. For the first time we allowed to Chase to see our own misalignment on a few issues and did not present a united front. Instead we presented a rather heated discussion with some swear words thrown in. It was an adult conversation and debate in many ways between three adults. Very hard but also  Very awesome! This morning as we woke up…I felt so close to Chase (even though I am on strike)

So how does a woman who literally never cooks or does laundry hardly ever go on strike? How does that happen? What is she striking from?

FROM BEING FORCED TO FOR OVER 18 YRS BEING THE BAD GUY (GIRL!) NAGGER AND DISCIPLINARIAN IN THE FAMILY. A STRIKE FROM NAGGING AFTER CHORES AND ORDER, GETTING OFF TECHNOLOGY, PLANNING FUN THINGS THOSE KIDS ARE INCREASINGLY UNGRATEFUL FOR. A STRIKE FROM NAGGING BASICALLY! (aka :a strike from being me?)

When my husband said last night that he felt that all three kids could not stand me anymore that was it. I cracked. I went on strike.

What I realized in my talk with Hubby and Chase last night? Maybe sometimes they can’t stand me-but they respect me. A ton. And for people who can’t stand me I certainly get a whole lot of texts saying I love you, I miss you and I need your advice Mama. I personally think I am doing a damn good jobJ

So this morning I handed Hubby a diagram of certain parameters we have in our home that must be abided to (order, chores, family time, time outside and away from technology, actives outside of the house) and told him to get to work with all this over the next 16 days of holidays. I told him he is for the next two week within those parameters, do all the nagging, all the discipline, all the planning and all the fun stuff too. And while he is at it he can continue to cook and clean and ask for my help if he wants. When he asked for the grocery list I told him to make one himself. I am not even going to hide the elf!

And he started! Today! It sounds crazy but I actually had:

A SUPER DAY!!! I hardly had any anger or revenge or bad thoughts I just did my thing. Each times the kids would come and ask me to make a decisions like “Can I bring my x-box to the cottage” “what time are we leaving to go do errands?” I simply sent them to their dad to answer1 How liberating! For the next two weeks my kids are puppies and their father is their Master.

Chase came in and said “OMG Daddy is so different from yesterday’s talk-he screamed at me twice already today!” and me? I didn’t notice as was busy bloggingJ))

Anyways for now the strike feels wonderful. Who knows if it will actually last the next two weeks this reversal of roles? Or who knows if it won’t last a lifetime? But something about just  having the goal of staying calm and collected as a cucumber (why is a cucumber considered more serene that a green pepper BTW?) is really really relaxing. Is this how men feel all the time?

I am up to my eyeballs in work, wrapping gifts and life. It’s time for a real break isn’t it? Lucious. (Thank goodness he has not asked me to cook for the next two weeks)

Chase? We may have fought it out yesterday but MAN is you smart. And courageous. And have a good head on your shoulders. Thanks for putting up with these two parents of yours and talking some sense into us. Thanks for the strike!

Note: I am now editing this post before I post it and it is the next morning. I always promised to be honest on this blog so here it goes:

By this morning I am less relaxed. Delegating is hard! Especially when the decisions people make are just plain dumb! Somehow last night at midnight my Hubby allowing Bear to leave the feel good xmas part right at the part of the Xmas lesson and go play video games instead just didn’t sit with me well (ps we have never ever allowed video games at the cottage as the kid is addicted enough at home! )

Ya this strike thing? Not so sure anymore .

I don’t think I am capable (or want) to be a cucumber.

Happy Halloween

It's what to say today right? To be polite.

Yup here that holiday is again. My most un favorite one. This year actually doesn’t bother me at all as we are not celebrating it!

Beauty is in England (another post on this tomorrow as deserves its own space!), one son is not celebrating Halloween I don’t think, and the other son is pretending he is not celebrating Halloween but he is trick or treating I think (but pretending not to).

We are not giving candy at our house.

We were invited to an adult party and almost attended-got costumes and everything and last minute something intervened in life making it so that we could not attend. We were not into the Halloween part but we were sad to miss the party with all our buddies as like the party part!. That part would have been super fun. And we would not have felt like the losers we truly are by ourselves on Halloween.

Ba humbug. I know.

But we got into the spirit last night as had an adult dinner with our wonderful buddies who have three adorable children. Was so fun sitting there and listening to them before they went to bed for the evening talk about candy and costumes and their excitment. I ADORE these three children and they feel like nieces and nephews to us-our families are so totally engrained. After they went to bed we had Thai food and fortune cookies and just had the best talks ever, had some heated debates about education, laughed a ton, planned a big future trip together and basically indulged in a great evening. It ended by me literally falling out the door! (A story for another blog)

I am glad I got to enjoy pre-Halloween through their kids and leave them all to their costumes and makeup and candies today. Might sound silly to say but last night might have been one of the top five nights of my life. Was so simple and easy and nothing special really-but special in every way actually. The beautiful children so close to us, the friends that the dynamic between the four of us is so rare and cherished I thin for for people to get along so well sharing all our lives and joys and challenges together. Laughing, screaming a bit. Helping each other through this thing called Life. It’s what my heart has always wanted that enormous pleasure of sharing our daily lives with people we love in such a constant and continuous way. It really feels like forever. And forever is what I aim for. So much love there and respect. So balanced between their lives and our lives. A place for everyone. And all our combined children; in some ways feels like they all belong to all of us.

A village. Like it should be.

Hubby and I went today  Harvey’s for a well-deserved burger today (been really both careful with food for weeks now) and at the cash there was huge pot of treats. We each took one ad then were about to grab a second and the cashier said “one per client pls” so so so embarrassing! Felt so cheap! So we  did what any self-respecting adult would do and?

Wait until she turned her back and took two more!!!! Ha-ha we are so wicked!!!

Tonight enjoying a very peaceful quiet night a deux in front of the fire. Odd, strange, a bit lonely and a bit indulgent. Perfect actually.

Tomorrow night I have a business dinner with my Swiss colleague and co-author (and friend!) at a hotel and Hubby and the boys will chow down on some serious pad Thai with the boys  will make from .scratch. One of those boys needs some serious TLC these days-being a teen can so suck. But he is handling is all so well but still hard. And beautiful girls are falling at his feet of courseJ

So to all those adults out there who love Halloween…long live diversity! Enjoy it! Don’t scare yourselves too much! And to all those who don’t…do what you love to do.

Little Skirts

I love the high school our kids are attending (or have attended), I am not sure there is even one thing i could say is not good or even perfect about this school. Everyone who goes there seems to share the sentiment.. It’s almost scary how good their reputation is. 

Until now.

There is that one thing that I realized really really bothers me. And it was echoed to me the other day how much it bothers other parents too.

The uniform of the girl’s skirts is way too short. And I mean way way way too short 

As in scary short and ridiculous short.

I was reminded of this fact when we attended a meeting for parents and students re the London upcoming trip.

Our school does about 20 international exchanges a year. The school is esteemed all over the world. Never a single detail missed or complaint about any kid from this school on trips and all the international schools eager to partner with them.

But the one negative feedback around the world? Pls have your female students arrive in jeans with their top uniforms as the short skirts cause big problems with the other countries private school girls. So the schools actually ask that the girls wear jeans vs their skirts it is that bad!

This is crazy and so embarrassing.

I remember when Beauty joined the school the year prior, they had sent out a survey about the school and all comments were exceptional and outstanding as always from students and parents. The one area that was repeatedly said however was that the skirts needed to be longer.

So they adapted and year Beauty joined the skirts were made 3 inches longer by the uniform provider. So now in the school girl’s sec 2-5 had short adorable sexy little skirts and the new sec 1's have skirts almost to their knees. 

So what do you think happened?

Like every girl in Sec 1, Beauty refused to buy the new skirt. She bought three second hand ones at more than the price of new ones. So did everyone. I have not seen a single sec 1 wear the new skirt even after two years. The second hand skirts are precious and sacred and sold like hotcakes within minutes over social media 

Go figure 

For my daughter, this has not made me lose sleep as she is tall and thin and pulls the skirt off well and suits her body. But if I had a daughter who was heavyset, I would be petitioning in front of the school. It is outrageous to expect that girls should wear such skirts at a private school 

All of my daughter’s gang all have very similar builds and so I am blind to it all much of the time. None of us are overly conservative either about what our daughters wear. They try and push the limits a bit with length of shorts and skirts and mid drift tops but they also all look good, dignified and cute. It’s not something that is an issue nor are we going to let it become one. With teen girls this is part of them growing up and testing out their independence and style is a big big thing. There are many other areas that are much more important to me than the length of a skirt 

But that is unique to me as I have a daughter who feels good and confident in this mini. I also have a daughter who if a dirty old man tried to approach her and gawk at her that she would tell him to go to hell and punch him in the face!

But what about girls at the school who have to dread wearing this skirt daily and who are forced too and don’t feel flattered by it or confident in it?. It does not seem right to me.

Or whose parents are stricter about clothing... They are not supposed to send them to this amazing school? Because of a skirt?

I am all for style and we all know that style and funkiness is an important value at our school (reflected again in the converse shoes worn with the minis) but at what cost? And what does this reflect about the school?

Trust me I am not all into the modesty thing either. A blog I love this summer that believes for  reasons particular to their faith in modesty ,and posted a pic of her beautiful daughter in the most gorgeous grad dress with a spaghetti straps. The blogger literally had dozens of comments criticizing her that she says she is all about modestly but ALLOWED her daughter to wear that??  I have honestly never read such a ridiculous debate in my life. The girl looked classy and beautiful and is a teenager and not a nun!!!

I am sure that she and her parents also felt she needed to let lose a bit on her grad night regardless of their usual standards and rules and was ridiculous to have this a a source of concern on the blog comment wars in my opinion ! Maybe that one particular night was an exception and an opportunity for her too to express her femininity in way that felt good to her and her family on this special occassion!

So all that to say I am proud of the school for a million reasons ….

But i am not proud of their skirts 

I am not proud that my daughter cannot proudly go to London in her uniform and is being told to wear it on her hips or possibly even wear jeans instead of it

I think that to make up for their silliness and lack of social awareness the school should on their own buy a new longer skirt for every student and the old ones should be banned 

What do you think?

Ps – if this blog post becomes popular my daughter will kill me. She adores her skirt :)

Ebb and Flow

I remember reading a book when our kids were little called “Eating, Sleeping and Getting up”

It was so simple and stressed the importance of getting these basics fundamentals right with little ones (which we did). I loved the simplicity of it all. I remember for years after my passwords would always be “backtothebasics” and symbolized for me how happiness and peace come from the daily things in life and not the big things. A good meal in the belly, a needed rest, and some good rituals as we awake and throughout the day is really all we need.

And for the most part for my kid’s’ lives they have had all this.

And me to on many levels yes but with lots of holes in between. Periods of time when I got too busy to do the things that make me happy and peaceful such as exercise, sleep well, eat well, listen to music, write, spend time doing something useless etc.

By the weekends I was exhausted and would literally fall asleep on the couch as we arrived at the cottage at midnight on Friday nights. Literally as I walked in the door I fell asleep on the nearest couch always.

Any time off work was spent on vacation or at the cottage on leisure. Hence why if the weather did not cooperate I was as sad as had so little time to enjoy these precious moments.

In these more mentally turbulent career times right now-I find myself having more Ebb and Flow. Much more of it actually. To the point that I am not sure how I ever lived without it.

This week I planned for 2.5 days of work and 2.5 days transition into vacation week. I actually did yesterday what I wanted to do. That day was partially spentworking and the other half listening to classical music and sorting through recipes to cook on vacation (ok clarification have husband cook)

(My Dad in his grave would be so happy about the classical music part).

I actually enjoyed this time. It felt very precious to me actually. It felt like a world was opening up, slowly but surely. A world I have never ever ever been part of and have never really been invited too..or more importantly have not even wanted to be invited to.

It’s not like I like that world yet…not at all. That world is not mine. But I like playing in in and exploring it. I like testing out how it makes me feel.

 I like seeing what having one life feels like..vs having very often two with competing demands. I like trying this hat on for a while as uncomfortable as it makes me feel (juts like praying makes me widely uncomfortable!)…I know that there are lessons to be learned for me through it all.

All this became very clear to me going through the bag from work that same precious day from my last day at the office. What do I find? My last badge there…dates on the day I left with three important words:

Flow and Massive Success.

This is what I know for sure.

Pain Demands to be Felt

I adore this expression-probably one of my favorite of all time

Pain demands to be Felt

How true indeed

You can run and hide. You can try to get away from it, or not feel it. But really in the end it catches up with you and it needs to be experienced. You won’t move forward if you won’t let the pain in-and forward is the only place to go.

So today at 5:15am I woke up and my pain demanded to be felt. From 5:15am-7:15am-I felt it.

Was it that I forgot to wake my son for his skiing outing all day because I am so preoccupied, was it that I forgot my daughter was at a sleepover and went to see her in her room to kiss her, was it that my son got his second acceptance to college and I was not even that excited, was it that I am so tired that even cuddling with my husband at night is a huge effort and I never manage take the time?

Was it that I have been sick for three weeks with a cold and also have major back and neck pain, that I feel like I want to be at work more than home lately, that I am not able to look forward to our trip to Costa Rica that we have been planning for many years, or that I feel we don’t have enough money to go?

Was it that I realized I have never felt happier or more peaceful in my lifetime at this moment in my career and at home and I  wanted time to freeze and not change a thing? Was it that happiness my career gives me and the realization of just how good  and powerful I am at what I do? Was it all the things I cannot say on this blog? Or all the things I have said? Was it because I know exactly what I want, or have no idea at all? Was it because I have good instincts or have none at all?

All I know is that the pain was demanding to be felt

The tears were flowing

And my word of 2105 kept coming to mind and also demanding to be felt

Flow

And that very word-its very essence scaring the living life out of me. The grey zone, trusting the process, trusting the people around me are well intentioned and kind and trustworthy. Trusting the process.Truly trusting it.

I felt it all

And it demanded to be felt.

On the one and only morning that I allowed myself f to set my alarm for one hour later, the one day in 3 months I slept in with no kids to drive to school and a decision to not work before I go into work for an hour. The coveted sleep and I use it for pain and to cry?

I used it to trust the process

I used it to trust in this universe

I used it for these things simply because the universe demanded me to do so.

I gave up control and set it all out to the universe. And for the very first time in my life I think I really really prayed.

 

The Sex Book

 

I give a lot of big presentations at work. It’s a part of my job whether it is a 5 minute update to the leadership team or a presentation in from of hundreds of Associates or a 5 day training course. I am used to it-but never really get used to it. I am fine days before and even hours before-and then I start getting really nervous about an hour before.

My presentation is in 25 mins. And I am going to write a blog about sex books now. And the answer is “no I don’t write blogs from work” (or very seldomlyly anyways). I need to keep myself sane right now and my mind off of work.

My Mom and I were having a conversation about sex a few weeks ago (uck yuck yuck I know). It is rare. She often tries to discuss stuff like this with me and fails. Just as she tries to get a glimpse of my boobs when I change. It’s usually just not going to happen. You see my mom is much more of a hippie and much less conservative that her corporate daughter. She tries and tries over the years with little success to convert me. She succeeded a few weeks ago and I confided in her a few little things.

 

And then she told me she had a great book to lend me. About sex.

 

I was looking forward to the weekend and reading and learning from this great book she mentioned that would save my soul.

So I snuggle by the fire and open it and the book is a bunch of naked people pictures!!! With large large writing for like old blind people! And the naked people are really UGLY too. And mostly they are old too! It is gross. WTF Mom!!!

 

I tried to find some hidden buckets of gems in this book but just picture after picture of very embarrassing things happening to people who have varicose veins and cellulite and dimples on their butts and saggy boobs and potbellies. Somehow I was not so sure this would solve my issues. I really did not feel too inspired!

 

I kept at it though as surely my Mom would not lend me a book of weird porn? Or an instruction manual for the 75yrs and over age group of how to spruce up your sex life?

Well I got to the end and it just got weirder and weirder as the nakesd people  in it started being really really bad. Without thinking I just abandoned the book and thought about something (anything else!)

 

That evening I was in a silly teasing mood-happens only a few times a month so have to take advantage of it. I decide to go and flash a picture from the book in Chase’s face (ok ok I get it not appropriate! I am not perfect and do have some of my parent’s genes afterall!) And he FREAKS out!!! And runs after me all over the cottage trying to get the book and locking him into bathroom to “read” it! Thank goodness the two younger ones were not around for this spectacle. I loved hearing his laughing from the locked door. I secretly hoped that this book would turn him off sex forever. It probably did-if it didn’t there is something wrong with my son. We had a good laugh together nonetheless. And I think my son was too taken by anyone naked in pictures to realize they are not the cutest bunch..

 

I hid the book in the bottom of my husband’s clothes drawer in our room. Well last weekend Chase did homework in there. And searched for the book and looked at every single picture!!!!!!!! He is 17 yrs. old…I guess it is time and ok but still? Is it ever time to see such a book owned by your parent nonetheless????? Is it ever?

 

I just felt I should follow the hippy mom route and provide this experience to my first born. Then he clearly won’t have any unrealistic expectations of woman’s beauty or sex! That book took care of all that.

 

So now I am ready for my presentation. I have knocked the hippy silly genetics out of me and back into my corporate self. I am wearing a little tiny bit of risky but still very professional outfit.

 

Who knows maybe the book did inspire me in ways I cannot even begin  imagine.

Thanks Mom..I guess?