The Spanx Workout

Spanx is God’s gift to woman in my humble opinion. Every woman who has anything close to curves, breasts or a butt should own some. AKA all womankind.

Forget all the giraffes and zebras in Noah’s Ark that I guess God gave as gifts (right?)…Spanx is way way up there.As God’s gift to us all

Honestly anyone over 40 yrs. really needs to wear Spaxn when that are wearing a tight fitting dress (with very few exceptions) I just personally feel that after 40yrs even the thinnest of frames need some smoothing out. Don’t you agree?

I saw a women this week with the nicest dress on ever. So nice in fact (and so missing a spanx sheath dress underneath) that I wanted to go up to her and say “It is unbelievable what a little piece of elastic cloth would do for that dress. Don’t walk…RUN…to your closet department store Girl”

Of course I just said “I like your dress”

And of course then she will just go on and on and on having little butt bulges in the back sticking out all over the place under the pretty outfit.

Anyways I would not consider anymore not wearing these babies pretty much with most outfits. Even workout clothes. As I write this I am getting depressed as I realize that spanx is more and more needed as I age. Soon I will be wearing it to bed! (never! I am a naked bed girl most days of the week)That being said if I got divorced and was with a new man..I might need to wear it to bed and even in the shower! Thank God I have been married to the same man for 17 yrs.

All that to say I realized something about spanx the other day as I was getting ready for my workout and putting a little number on.

 I realized that my workout was already done by the time it made it onto my body.

 

Is it that I buy too small spanx??????????????????????????

Is is possible that my butt is  getting bigger????????????????????????

I don’t remember spanx being that hard to get on before??????????????????

 

It must be because I don’t have my cleaning lady anymore and my new housekeeper is running my spanx in the dryer behind my back. That must be it. (PS-everything is my other housekeeper who quit’s fault. Absolutely everything).

 

I mean these things are made to be tight but seriously to be totally out of breath by the time it is on? Is this normal? I mean I could not even take my blood pressure as the instructions clearly say “never take reading after a workout?” Did my spanx workout qualify? Is that why I have high blood pressure in the mornings after I am dressed? I am going to call my doctor immediately with this new piece of information. Yes I think that is it.

Anyways two lessons to these posts: 1) wear spanx-please 2) cancel your membership to the gym and just buy it two sizes too small.

 

And NO I am not a sales rep for this company. But maybe I should be.

Inviting Chaos

It was funny the other night when we were out at a restaurant with 16 others there was one friend who had one son. The rest of us had anywhere from 2-4 kids each. She was observing that 6 h. evening a lot and turned to us and said at the end of it:

Why did you all invite chaos into your lives exactly?

We all thought it was hilarious as of course we totally got what she meant, we also realized that she had no clue how wonderful how that chaos could be. But most of us understood exactly what she was talking about as we ask ourselves that question many a time going to sleep at night.

There she was all evening with her one little son. Quite calm and quite obedient. Completely in tune with her son’s feelings, needs, reactions, wants. Snuggling him at every moment she got, him coming towards her for extra hugs. Politely asking for an extra soda and getting it.

And there we all were without 2, 3 or 4 kids and just basically juggling balls in the chaotic air surrounding us. We actually all thought the evening was calm and marvelous, but for her she thought it was a circus! Drinks spilling, interrupting, no money for extra soda, no time for tuning in.

At one point on the boat we played a game with the kids and asked them to each choose one word that describes their Dads and then their Moms. All the Dads got “Cool, fun, easy, not strict, and laughing.

Four Moms got the following words:

Organized

Strict

Tired

Nagger.

 

The Mom with the only child got: snuggly.

 

How cute!!!!

We all laughed all night about this (including her)

She said she becomes way less snuggly and calm when she and her son do play dates with other Moms. All the sudden her kid starts jumping and wrestling, and talking back and not listening. All the sudden she starts screaming, and nagging and ordering them to be quiet and stop fighting. She asked us if it is like this for us every day?

We all answered yes. Our kids love each other, get along, play together, but it’s a different life. You juggle many needs and not just one set. You sacrifice more…and play less…you clean more and snuggle less. You have way way less money and way less time.

But you get more love too. And you give more love.

Both situations are equally beautiful and equally authentic.

I remember as a kid I was an only child 5 days a week and then my two half-brothers on the weekend and often my young Uncle and Aunt too. The weekend had no similarity to the weeks. None at all. My Mom and I during the week used to quietly lie together in her bed and chat about the day. On weekends I barely spoke to her

I currently at work have two colleagues that both just gave birth to their second children with 2 yrs. olds at home. The big question they have emailed a few times to this “so called parenting expert” is:

Does it get easier?

My answer:

Not at all. Never. If anything it gets harder.

But you get used to it. And easy is fairly overrated. There are other things in life to covet than calm and peace. If you don’t expect one to be anything like two..and you are a master of ways to manage chaos..you will do just fine my dears and roll with the punches. And then when you get comfortable-you will  like it all so much that  you will likely move onto number three.

(That being said we did not convince our dinner friend to move over to our territories. She said she likes peace and calm very much and was very very content to be described as snugglyJ

Lost (and Found!)

 

Lost (and found)

Yup…I lost my daughter (and her friend ) this week.

Talk about fear I tell you. In the 15.5 yrs I have been a Mom it happened once (with her again!). Now it happened twice. What is it about girls??? I thought boys were supposed to be the harder gender to raise?

So first day of school for the boys and all went smoothly-great day. We go Chase , his friend, Beauty and her friend to do some errands at the big shopping Mall. Nothing out of the ordinary. We all split up (as of Beauty turning 11 yrs old if she is with a friend we do this as long as their parent is in accordance with this.

Although Beauty gets to split up she has to check in often…like every 45 minutes we meet up, I approve the clothes she wants to buys etc. We have done this many times. This summer we bought her a 2 month cell phone for summer and she will get a permanent one for high school. PS-The phone SUCKS! PSS-So does IPHONE 5 what good is a phone that keeps it charge for 2 hours only (god I wish Steve Jobs was alive to see what Apple has done to his beautiful iPhone)

So take two malfunctioning phones , take a daughter who doesn’t seem to realize vcmail means you should leave a message..Take two girls who are so carried away by their shopping that they don’t even realise that the doors of the story have closed around them and that it is 9:15 on!!!!!! Take a Mom whose nerves are a bit on edge because first week of school….has always had super dependable and reliable kids so this kind of thing is unheard of around here……all this combined together led me to believe that something BAD had happened.

I kept my cool and by anxiety under control from 8:15-:8:45pm and kept telling myself to breathe and relax. Continue shopping. I managed to try on any buy three outfits from Lululemon. 8:50 rolls around and still no answer on her phone and my heartbeat begins to quicken. I start not being able to think clearly…I go from boutique to boutique that I think they might be in (note to self never wear high heeled shoes when you think any possibility of losing your daughter at the mall).

By then I meet up with my son and his friend (15.5 yrs. old) and they can clearly see by 8:57 (3 minutes before all stores close) I am beginning to really worry. 8:59 tears are in my eyes and starting to stream dwn my face and I get into my panic mode (happens very seldomly but when it does I am quite paralyzed) Can’t think straight, can't make decisons, etc…It is rare situations have happened in my life in panic mode without Hubby there (emergency surgery, lost daughter when little in park, choking etc)..

Here I was in silent panic mode teas streaming down my face in middle of mall about to close and missing two little girls (11 yrs old but still). In my mind there was no chance at all my daughter could lack this much judgment-so against her usual character.

Chase and friend take over 9:01pm. Drop all their shopping bags, wallets and phones on ground in middle of mall near my feet and run to find security office. Describe both girls in detail and give names and request that be broadcasted across the mall in both languages for them to report to security. When I hear those names being announced this deepened my panic. A mother’s worst nightmare.

At this precise moment of announcement a guy I used to work with who still works in the field,but I have not seen in two years calls out my name “Hi Tarina!”. Young..gorgeous…sweet..smart…we used to chat all the time and hang out at lunch sometimes and talk about my kids and family. He about his life. Good good guy. I saw him and I just lost it.

Tears rolling down my cheeks “I have lost my daughter!!!” and he goes into full search mode with his friend..Taking my cell number (dead cell!) having me describe her. Running across mall with his friend searching.

Chase and his friends running cross mall too. By this time I am up at security being told that by 9:15pm we need to call the police. When he said these word my entire world stopped. I cannot even describe this feeling. My mind went into full action mode and out of panic  mode (call news producer brother and get this broadcasted all over the nation, ask the security to lock all the exits, call husband and have him come search, call my company and have all employees come search, call the rich guy at my lake and have him prepare money for two ransoms)

And then 9:17pm with a security guards by their sides…I see her. I see them.

And I honestly did not know if I should run towards her and hold her forever or scream at her and beat her up. I chose hug her and get really really angry .

I have never been so relieved. I made her apologize to three security guards and personally phone my colleague and tell him she was found and apologize. I decided no consequence but a big big big life lesson that we used at family night tonight. Her sincere and heartfelt apologies and her tears of her and her friend were enough. She was hurting as much as I was She had scared her Mamma to bits. She did not realize time had passed and did not realize store had closed when she was at the cash.

Cleary as she had found knee length zebra socks and nothing else mattered.

And her brother…I cannot say enough about this boy that day. He took my breathe away. He took care of me..he took care of her..he acted when I could not..he was resourceful, mature, responsible and brave. He was my hero. I hugged and hugged and kissed his friend too (which I am sure mortified Chase) but it was called for.

In the car afterwards, Chase told me he felt so so so sacred and sick and wanted to throw up all over the place but knew he had to act fast and hold it together.

Teens his age are often hard to live with. He lately is very difficult to live with. Lots of alienation, lots of disrespect, lots of pulling away. Typical teenage stuff but still very hard at times. This situation brought me back to him….brought me back to his core…who he is under all the teenage coolness. Reminded me that in a few years from now…I will get him fully back. When he is good an ready to come back (this is the sad sad part of adolescence that their job is to break away from you. Not in all ways but many ways)

Made me realize that all the value teaching and family bonding, and talk about safety and siblings has all paid off. He shined for us. Came through for us. Was there for us in front of many many onlookers in the mall. And not caring if he looked one bit cool.

He wanted his sister safe. He wanted his Mom well.

This was an awful night and one you could only relate to if you have been through something similar. Just like any hard times-it was good too. Reminded us all of what we treasure most.

And of the preciousness of life and togetherness. And to never ever take that for granted even for a minute.

A minute is all it takes for life to change.

Cherish them. (even if they act sometimes like they don’t cherish you anymore)

 

Nagging Time

I have been a really bad blogger lately. My time has disappeared! Back to School overtakes my life, the preparation, the early mornings, the supplies, the uniforms, the forms to sign at night, getting back into a routine, chores.

Never mind that I have also had some really special events or will have this week (a visit from my Swiss Petal , big pool party today which Mom was sick so could not watch the kids so last minute shuffle, 22 people for pool party tomorrow night. PS tomorrow night I arrive home at 6pm!!!

Yes I am clinically insane.

And I have sooooo much to write about. For starters I lost my daughter in a shopping mall L(Security team and all when stores had closed etc….) Horrible horrible (but slightly funny) story. Cleary she is safe and sound or never would I be writing this silly blog.

Today I however in the 10 short minutes I carved out, bring to you my new number #1 parenting tip:

Nagging Time.

I can’t say it works or does not as it has only been effect in my house for less than 24 hrs. But so far I like it and so do my kids. I personally think it is quite brilliant (aren’t all the idea that last less than 24 hrs?)

This is how is works:  You only nag your kids at a certain hour of the day ( or several periods depending on how disobedience and lazy they really are)

Sometimes the best and most brilliant of ideas are the simplest right?

Do you find yourself being annoyed by your own voice? You finger shaking in the air more often than you give hugs? Do you find you raise your voice often? Become irritable with your kids? Have a constant to do list playing in your head and recite  it often aloud to your children?Do you find that you often don’t stop nagging in any given day unless you are actively engaged in a concentrated activity?

Then Nagging Time is for YOU!!!! Choose a time of day (like for me is after dinner for about 45 mins) and NAG AWAY. Warn them that that hour you will shake your finger, raising your voice and generally be very bitchy and bossy and a control freak. Keep a list all day of all the things you want to nag them about and then fire away at 8-9pm!

Genius eh??? (Why do I get the feeling this post will go virile or become a bestselling book??:)))

And the rest of the time? JUST SHUT UP!

So I tried out my new strategy for the first time yesterday (it has been brewing in my mind for about 10 yrs now and thought time to put into practice). It was second day of school and the Becel was left on counter, crumbs on floor, I knew they had agendas to sign that were not on desk, son had not texted when he went to ice-cream store afterschool, etc..etc..etc…

My instinct was to come down in morning while they were quietly eating breakfast and fire away!!! Nicely but still nagging. Instead I kissed and hugged them both…chatted….said bye and held my tongue. Hard but successful. This earned me two I love you (vs. major eye rolling) before they headed out.

Then came home and all three ignored me as I came in and barely looked up. Said hi under their breath as they stared at the computer, were not doing homework at the time they should have been, were not getting any fresh air outside as instructed. What did I do? Nothing! Just wrote down their crimes on my secret nagging list.

After diner 8pm comes and then it is time to nag! For a full 45 mins! I raise my voice-wag my finger- gets in their face, follow them around house to make chores done properly. Then I call them in one by one and go over the blips of the day, review the rules, tell them what is not working.

Then it is all over.

At 8:45 sharp I stop. At 9:15pm I sweetly tuck them in and refrain from reminding them what time we are driving the next day, to pack lunch, to clean up room, to put laundry outside of room.

Just kisses and hugs.

This time I was rewarded by many I love yous by all three and 2 sweet texts today saying I am the best mommy in there world!!! Something must have worked!!!

I figure if my husband can give up vodka martinis that he has had every night for 30 years surely I can limit my own addition to 1 hr a day. (nagging that is?)I want to do something revolutionary (just like him) and this is IT!

I will let you know how the next few weeks go…if I can keep  it up that is. This takes a hell of a lot of restraint so far I tell you. What will I do with all of this energy??

(FYI-I am considering going up to two sessions of nag time per day each of 45 mins)

Virile!!! Remember! Pass it on and make me famous for my new invention!!!

The Perfect Summer Night

You know what I love best about blogging? Is the capturing of all the fleeting simple beautiful moments of our lives. The ability to take something that meant something and that you loved and bring it to life in words. To not forget about it. The same goes for the less good moments, the sad ones..the hard ones…they get captured (unless you read some of the blogs I read (which I now stopped reading!) where lots of people never seem to feel pain, heartbreak or sadness EVER)

What blogging does is keep records of your true and authentic journey of life. Your existence. It captures the complexity of being human and that in itself is a beautiful thing. It ultimately reminds me that I am far from perfect..far from needing to be..full of strength and weaknesses and able to live fully with many flaws.

By blog last night was about the flaws in my family and wanting to get back to some structure. Today it is about a perfect night amongst that chaos. Paradoxical. Holding two distinct feelings on the same equilibrium. Chaos and peace. Happiness and Unhappiness. To me the best blogs are the ones who capture both…since being human is feeling with both head and heart which often in essence contradict themselves.

I had an evening this week that was totally and utterly perfect in every single way. It was so much fun and I am not sure in my lifetime I have ever felt such a feeling of laughter and lightness and fun. We were invited on the Sweethearts new boat and the Holidays came and a new friends of theirs with her son. So a big boat with 17 people. The weather was absolutely incredible. You know one of those nights that the wind is even warm and the moon is lighting up the entire lake? Breathtaking really.

We left work early and got on the boat at 5:30. Went to the sandbanks part and had drinks (even me!!!)  and lots of yummy snacks and all the kids jumped in the lack and swam for an hour. We just drank and ate and laughed. And I really clicked with the new girl too and she really clicked with me. Our sons clicked with her son too and it was nice to invite someone new into the crowd for that evening.

Then we went a restaurant on the boat and waited 1.5 hrs for our meal!!! But it did not matter as we are all having a blast. The kids had a far away kids table for 11 and they were amazing. Ages ranging from 4-15 and thanks goodness the new boy was in high school which makes it more fun for my older two as well….so that was a bonus. The meal when it finally arrived was amazing..so delicious and we all shared both the food and the bill. Great conversations and jokes. To go down in history was “le petit jerk” and “shut it down Robert!!!!” (he said the way she said it was super sexyJ)))) hahahahahahah!!!!!

(And then Sweetheart decided to kept the kids get ice-cream at 11pm anywaysJ)

The boat ride back at 11pm was the best. We laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. The four women to the point of peeing our pants. Our two daughters imitated us the whole way and it was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least they are learning what good friends do right???? It was truly an example of happiness and lightness that I want my daughter to learn as it is part of me that I cherish that is not always there. The part that says to my Bffs on the boat “Screw soccer and have fun!!!! Skip it!!!!! And they all did and thanked me laterJ))

We arrived under the luminous moon lit yacht club at almost midnight (don’t forget many of us working the next day). From there I took 4 of the older kids with me along with my 3 back to my house for a midnight swim in the pool..a bit of gaming..some popcorn and a sleepover.

The next day Sweetheart texted her 12 yr sold son and said “when shall I come pick you up?”

His answer: “Never”

It was just the perfect night-among many we have had this summer. It stood out in my mind and will forever. There was something very special about it. Something also in acknowledging that our kids are growing and changing and we are adapting. Longer nights, kids table, older kids being able to stay out later than younger kids and having different privileges now. We are all living this crazy life alongside each other and it felt good.

It was all perfect.

And like the boy at my house who never wanted to go home….I never ever want to forget what beautiful friends I have in my life and never take for granted the love they give me and my family. The tennis camps, the boat rides, the remembering to call about the smallest details. The laughter, the love, the sharing of our kids and our lives. Creating PG, and sharing homes and hearts. Learning and loving.

Family is everything.

Friends are everything too and something every family should have alongside them to heighten the joy and capture the sadness. Friends are the icing on the beautiful cake. I have always always known this but for some reason this summer…my cake is even more succulent and delicious.

It brought it home this week at work when a woman I know who very sadly lost her husband last year to a sudden heart attack (he was 38!!!) and they had just blended their two families 7 yrs. ago and had a baby togetherL(( She said in a training she was giving to a big audience with tears rolling down her cheeks:

“Always have an extended family. Always. Treasure your friends and love them fully. And be loved by them. Never ever depend on the crazy notion that your spouse will be there forever. Have many many soulmates in your life and let them in. Don’t ever treat your friends and  extended family, the ones you truly love anyways, as second class citizens. Make them part of your A team alongside your immediate family. And teach your kids to do the same”

Although this scared me to bits it made a ton of sense.

And I realized that it has always been the way I live my life. This summer I took it up a notch higher even. This summer in particular I realized that just like my family…I could never live without my friends either.

They are all deeply engrained in my heart forever.

 

 

 

Can the Bell Ring Yet?

I have prided myself all summer on how I have not wanted the kids to go back to school.. Arrogant even of how we have been just one big happy family and no need for any structure or routine right?

Well wrong. That minute ended. This week.

You know how newborn babies have that little smell and feel about them that everyone just wants to get closer and hug them and snuggle them and caress their cheeks? Well teenagers have a smell about them….that makes you want to run. Far far away.

Ok so I am exagerating a little. When they are held prisoners and sequestered at the cottage (and when they are not beating each other up. Screaming at one another, or trying to get away with using their cell phones when they are not supposed too) they have a lot of angelic moments (ok..bearable moments).

But this week it was just too much for my brain (to organize and plan) my arms to drive their friends home at 11pm on a workday) my stomach (it was always empty because all their friends ate my food) or my nerves (I have none left)

Am I always at pms and hormonal come Aug 20 and become a screaming bitch because it is that time of month every year? Or is it because it is the week before school starts?

Before then I seem to hold it together pretty well. As much as I love structure I am very very fine with taking breaks from it. I can buy 30 frozen pizzas on sale and feed an army and have popcorn spilled all over my floor and not blink and eye .I allow multiple sleepovers and went on a boat ride with friends (their boat) with 16 others and had 7 kids sleepover (and have a midnight swim) and actually got up and went to work early the next day!

I am a fun (very very fun when I am not bossing and nagging) and extremely tolerant mother (unless it comes to health safety, academics, respect, hygiene etc.etc..etc..)

All that to say something just broke this week…seriously just an accumulation.Was it the sausage stew that was the last in my freezer that my now non-existent cleaning lady made and that I did not get a bite of? Was it the fact that I am quite sure one of the visiting teens kids peed in my pool? Is it the reading too often of my kids texts and learning of their broken hearts that is killing mine and wanting to harm the girls who dump my sons? Is it the KFC (on the floor) that I came home to with 6 boys in my living room eating it when the house had just been cleaned top to bottom by a cleaning service (after 7 weeks!)

Maybe it is that I have not been able to go naked in my Jacuzzi for the last 90 days at midnight? Or the racoons that gives me heart attacks nighty now and have decided to give birth to their millions of babies under my porch? Maybe it is the fact that my new cleaning lady takes 4 hrs to fold a sweater (good job she does however no wrinkles!) Maybe it is the fact that now my husband no longer drinks vodka martinis in the evenings I can’t vicariously live through that relaxation and feel a bit “virtually” buzzed too? Could it be that I have no clue how to roast a chicken? Or that there is so little time in the mornings now before work that I have knots in my hair all day? Could it be that I have no floated in my pool on my own for the entire summer?

And the kids seem a bit annoyed too this last week. They have upped the alienation and ignore us a lot. Less kisses, less hugs, texts are less friendly and much less frequent. Their tempers are shorter and so are ours. They fight more and love each other less. Although they are still having the time of their lives and maximizing this free time-I think we all realize it is just turning into a little bit of a circus by this point.

I am starting not to like them.

And what does this all mean my friends????

 

It means it is clearly back to the books.

Time for some good old homework and morning alarms. Time for some regular showers and clothing that matches. Chores after dinner and nutritious breakfasts in the morning. Missing each other in the day and looking forward to sharing our events at the end of them. Time to cherish time off and crave it instead of day after (for the kids anyways) of being the masters of their own time. Time to throw out the nutella and get a life.

Trust me there are many parts of going back to school that annoy me (pretty much all of the above plus making lunches, having to go to bed earlier, having to cook, having to nag. Having to nag. Having to nag) But…I am smart enough to know that the fun is coming to an end (and god was it fun except for this week) and to cherish the memories but get back to school children before I give you all up for adoption.

Monday for the boys and Wednesday for my girl (although first two days are two hours each!! I mean if by grade 6 your kid still needs and slow integration there is something wrong)

 

PS-do you think the 750 school supplies being labelled and uniforms to be bought, tried on ironed, rooms needing to be cleaned out, bus passes bought had anything to do with my bad mood and temper this week?

Is that pleasant in 30 degree weather when you have been cooped up inside at work all day?  Doing this in the evening with two-three friendly racoons in your face? Is it now???

 

PSS-you do know that by next weekend I will wish summer and chaos back right???

Love, Actually

Yesterday my Hubby and I scheduled a big talk together and made it a priority. Some stuff we have been dealing with that has been on both our minds. We decided to get ready for work early and head down to the lake and sit by the water (until he convinced me to get in my bathing suit instead and have our talk in our pool since no kids yet up)

 

And it was just such a good good talk. Full of trust, support, honesty. We have managed to work together through a big issue (still many more steps to come but at least started on the the right path)

I just felt really good about it. And I think he did too.

 

I am a control freak-it is no secret. My marriage has had both the benefit and the pity of getting this side of me . Over the years it has lessened a lot…some situations heighten it…up and down but always there. If you saw how chaotic I can let my house get you would never believe I was a control freak. If you saw my to do lists and agenda you would totally agree I am.

All that to say..Yesterday for probably the first time ever in my life…..I felt like I could give up a lot of control and still be ok. Be good. Still be me.

I felt light and happy from that talk in the pool and look forward to a whole lot more

 

114/81

J))

Summer BFFs

 

 

One of the things I knew I would love about having a daughter is the stage she is at right now.

Why?

Because I can remember those parts about my own life. With such fondness. And I see her living it right now and it brings back so many good memories for me. I love seeing her grow into a young woman-it is such an honour. And a privilege.

I love seeing her have BFFs. Beauty has always had a gang of 5 girls since kindergarten and all have been her BFF’s forever it seems, she has camp BFF’s and a BFF in Switerland-.  But this summer she has found her  summer  BFF. The kind that it is sleepovers almost every night..she almost lives at their house…eats all her meals there. The meals not eaten there are eaten here at our house. There is no question what they will do the next day…we just know they will be together and it is just a matter of what time they will call on each other in the morning when they wake up .

And best part of all this? Beauty’s BFF this summer is her “cousin”!!! One of my BFF’s daughters. They were always close for the last 9 years but not at all to this level. They saw each other at our events and had a few sleepovers a year. Always loved each other but this is a whole new way of being for them. Inseparable.

And it’s likely a summer love as different schools and circles of friends. The public pool and synro has brought them so close and the fact that both their mommies let them have a lot of freedom and liberties now they are 11yrs old (vs. some moms of girls this age don’t let them bike to the park and this makes or breaks a lot of friendships in some ways as at different stages and interests)

And lucky me again my friends stays at home for the summer so drives them all over the place, texts me on their whereabouts, feeds their bellies, makes cookies with them……all of it. How can I ever thank her enough???? A working Mom’s summer dream I tell you. I am so blessed and so is Beauty.

Tonight the girls are at my house and in the pool in the dark (with bathing suits on!!!) doing the same synro routine over and over and over. Tomorrow they will come and swim here late afternoon as Fridays is the only day I get home earlier than 6:30pm. We will get dressed up and take them to a fancier dinner in order to make sure we do our share !!! I feel blessed but guilty too!!! I want to make sure the girls spend time with us too.

And they are beautiful both inside and out. They even look like sisters or cousins. All I know is that being a kid in summer is really really fun. Especially when you have a bff to share it with. Endless days at the pool in the sun, freezies, ice-cream for dinner and late nights staying up watching movies together. Starting it all over the next day….. brings back a ton of good memories for me with my BFF in those days (who I am still super close it now!!!!)

Summer for me has always been about breaking away from the routine, the schedules, the rules (in some ways) Summer is to treasure.. and with one week left before school I can honestly say that my kids have loved every (cold) minute of summer so far and so have we. I have zero need right now for us to return to schoolbooks, getting up at 6am, packing lunches and homework after school. None. We are having a great time with the perfect amount of structure and routine vs lazy days and breaks. The normal amount of love and fighting and quiet and noise. It is all good.

This summer has been a summer of friends. There have been many walking in an out door since the day school let our. At our tables, in our pool, on the boat and in the lake. Many frozen pizzas made and bags and bags of snacks enjoyed.

The regular bedtime around here has been between midnight and 1am..and although that is a lot of hours awake..they have been mostly wonderful. I have always wanted to be the home the kids want to hang out at. This summer has been perfect for that.

 

So as I watch my daughter and her summer BFF in bloom….I remember back to my own summer and that delicious feeling of freedom. Of holding hands in the sun and walking with one of the girls you love. And remembering it as so sweet and such a wonderfully secure and safe part of my childhood.Summer-the time when the weather is nice, rules are relaxed, no goals and no fuss. Love summer.

Lady Mary & Me

There isn’t much this summer that can make me happier than watching Downton Abbey on the computer out on the bali night with Hubby pretty much every night at (yikes!) 12:15-1:15am (yup weekday or weekend OMG!)

I adore this show. And my Hubby does too. Grey’s Anatomy could never hold the torch to this one.

I replay scenes and things they say over and over and over in my mind throughout the day. For me it is addictive and like coffee or a glass of wine. I need it.

But most of all it is Lady Mary that keeps me watching. She is probably the first character on TV I truly relate too. For years I have gotten from family and friends “you look like so and so, or you remind me of so and so on TV” I seem to be the type of person that everyone reminds someone of someone else.It has been like this my whole life.

But I have never fully agreed. Not of it has truly resonated. Until Lady Mary that is.

I look nothing like her. She has dark hair and is totally flat chested. My life is nothing like hers either. She is a rich aristocrat from the 1900’s.

But so far (after watching only 1 season and a half so don’t blame me if she totally changes and you think I am crazy!!) I feel like her..for her..and with her. I feel like she belongs to me.There are parts of her similar to me, and parts of her I wish were similar to me. She has many many parts to her Lady Mary it seems

And I actually have no idea why she affects me to this degree either?

Maybe it is her accent which is nothing like mine of course but sounds like what I would say if I was a 19^th century English lady? Maybe it is her power….she leads and people follow her often? Maybe it is her bad temper…but that fact that she seems to only make a fuss about what is really important? Maybe it is her stubbornness and never being bossed into doing something she does not want to do? Or always saying what is on her mind with such articulation and impact? Maybe it is her sweetness…that is apparent and obvious to the people who know here well? The way she will never hold anything inside of her and is very direct? The way she holds herself and the way she moves, speaks, and gestures? Maybe it is the way that you can tell about Lady Mary that she will be perfectly ok no matter what? The way that she takes care of the people around her and calls them darling often and nutures them? And in the next sentence gives them a piece of their mind? The men in her life who adore her and have watched her grow?

Maybe it is the profound way that those around her love her. But she never really belongs to them fully or won’t completely let them, in  but you can see her trying so hard to?

Perhaps it is her vulnerability so apparent when she is ready to show it? The way she melts into the people she loves so deeply? Or the way that when speaks people listen and expect her to say something important when she doesn’t always know what she should be saying? The way she accepts her fate with grace and is gracious and kind, yet firm and direct? Her huge capacity for love. The way she takes care of her siblings and her parents; they look to her and depend on her..when really she is just a little thing herself trying to find her way under all of that perfect demeanour and confidence.

The way she is graceful and knows what to say and how to say it-yet still remains authentic at the same time?

Perhaps it is the way she addresses her Papa-which is the way I would have wanted to speak to my Father and the kind of Father I would have dreamed off. Perhaps it is the clothes she chooses or the ways she does her hair. Perhaps it is her way she looks a bit wild as she lets her hair down at night out of the tight bun. The way she is grateful for her maid Anna and recognizes, confides in her and loves her,

 

The way as she approached her groom at the alter she provided a warning “I should not like ever to be too predictable”.

Ahh..Lady Mary…we would have been good friends.

Mostly the way that there is so much more to Lady Mary than one would expect. She has layers and layer and layers of love inside of her waiting to be peeled. She has a massive capacity for love but may never get the chance to show it even if she is with the love of her life Matthew. Lady Mary needs to be accessed and uncovered. But no one will likely fully uncover her will they? After all she seems to have it all figured out already right?

There is something very specific in Lady Mary that I find in myself. Other parts that I want in myself.. so many parts I have..other parts I know I don’t  have, but wish I did.

I see myself in Lady Mary as I develop towards being more “V”. The way she accepts things and goes with the flow. The way she is able to see outside of herself. The way she can be very very selfish but also completely unselfish. Just thinking about her brings a smile to my face

All that to say I love Downtown Abbey and we decided today that it is getting a room at Trent named after it.

Every single room here and spaces  have important names at our cottage. Named after the people who helped us find this place, get this place, buy this place. Named after our absolute favorite things in life and favorite places. After almost three years here now there is nothing left to name.

So..the long hill down toward Trent has just gotten a name. The path that leads to the most relaxing place on earth, with its massive trees and gravelled roads. With it’s painted signs and carved out address. The place that allows me to arrive at the place I want to be.

“Dowton Abbey” it is.

And each time now that I arrive I will think of Lady Mary. And think of me.  Of all the ways I love her, and I see myself in her, and the ways in which I aspire to be like her. Mostly, the grace she has to face the life that is hers.

In the Lady Mary way of hers that I so adore.

Naked Syncro

Have you ever been to a naked syncro show?

(No I had not either)

Until last night in my backyard.

Sounds gross eh? And a bit creepy maybe? It isn’t and was all very innocent but when I thought about it later, I realized what a great blog post and memory this would be to record.

Here’s the deal. We have a boyless week since boys in Toronto. Just me and my girl. And a man (her Dad).

So last night me and Hubby were sitting under gazebo me facing the pool and his back facing the pool and Beauty says” I want to show you my synro routine”

Ok.

And then she says” I want to go in pool naked since there are no boys here. Being naked in a pool is very liberating”

Oh really? Do you do this often child?

After we pointed out that there was a boy at home (her Dad) and after she pointed out that his back was facing her (true)…I allowed it.

And so she swam (in her freeing way) for a long while. When it came time for the synro routine she begged if we could both watch and somehow she convinced us to agree. We kind of forgot she was naked by that point anyways.

So there we were watching this. It was crazy. It was then and there I realized we did not have a little girl anymore but a very little and growing woman.

 

Why did I realize this? Because we both felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed about watching this. We can be really strict about some things and really permissive about others.

It felt weird. We had crossed our own barriers in our own backyard.

Naked girl doing syncro is very odd to say the least.

We kept looking at her growing little boobies and commenting and giggling like little kids. Having no idea where to look or what to say. Thanking God we have lots of trees to keep the neighbors away.

There were no ifs and buts about it..:

There would never ever be a naked syncro show again.

It was time for her to put a bathing suit on.

Then and there I clearly understood. She is my last one to go through the awkward” seeing a kid naked stage”. I have no more naked kids anymore apparently. What will I do???

(And certainly no more naked kids going to give us a spectacle in the pool).

So it was a big realization for us and a big fat fact. Our daughter is growing up.

And..our daughter has a lot of confidence in her body to say the least (is that a good thing?:) ever heard of too much of a good thing? She can be that.

Have you watched any naked synro shows lately?

I am guessing not.

Creating Cousins

Our kids have a number of “real” cousins.  And they are very close to many of them. Very close. They have cousins their age and cousins quite a bit older too. The highlight of their year is when they get to spend time with them..and we make it a big priority.

Besides their family cousins we also have other “cousins”. Friends and their kids so close to them that they are considered cousins. I love this.

Right now our two boys are with Sister Savvy’s 5 kids for the week in Toronto. Took the train there and everything alone for the first time. Mornings to relax and afternoons at tennis camp. Evening hanging out, going to soccer and baseball, dinners. It all just makes me so happy. It is so nice of our friends to invite them into their lives and home. I am purposefully not calling the kids this week (and only texting them once a day) to give them that space to be with our friends and their family. To live among them.

Last night I got the sweetest text from Bear letting me know how he was and what they were doing. It sounded all so grown up. And independent. And without me. He sounded so happy and safe and secure. I loved reading his texts.

This trip away for the boys is so much. Means so much.Is such a blessing. In so many hundreds of ways that words could not even begin to articulate. For me it said it all last night when Rob wrote me and said ”We are having a great time and hopefully the start of a tradition” Those words touched me so much. On so many levels

These are our people.

My kid’s people.

We have built a village together and made it grow (with 8 kid’s total it truly is a village) I am looking forward to family reunions and PG weekends for many many years.

This visit..the pictures…the meaning..the texts everything about it kept me smiling for many hours in bed. There is just something about it that felt like home. Right. Good. Beautiful. A whole new chapter of our lives together.

And then this weekend we had the Sweethearts and Holidays all weekend at Trent. As usual it was sooo much fun. We calculated that these kids
(and we) have been spending about 5 major events per year (New Year, Trent summer winter, regatta, fall dinners) for most of their lives. More than 9 years now and never missed an occasion. They have all grown up with each other and range in age from 4-16 yrs. old.

We realized that the three couples and all the kids have been there for everything. We have truly witnessed each other’s lives. No secrets ever needed  and everything shared. Living alongside each other.

We all attended this INCREDIBLE  party our family was invited to on the lake because of Beauty’s ski team. All 4 ski teams were invited (that is more than 300 people!)  Clearly it is a mansion and when I say mansion. ..You can honestly not even imagine. They told us to bring all our friends... so 15 of us showed up in our boat and docked! After getting off the boat the property is sooo big we literally never saw each other for many many hours or had any clue where any of the kids were.

Huge go cart track, arabraska, zip lining, 14 boats, jet skis, surfing (many boats kids size to drive alone) Huge staff, counselor, sport counselors, massive catered meals, open bar…anything and everything. IT WAS COMPELTELY SURREAL. Honestly after we all left it was silent in the boat and we all just kept looking at each other and nodding our heads in shock that some people live like that…..OMG!!!!!

It was an amazing experience and day to remember and one more thing that this crowd experienced together…we were blown away.

So between this crowd and the two beautiful friends taking care of my boys this week …the phrase “creating cousins” comes to mind.

It is not only family that can hold that title is it? It is the relationships we nurture be that be blood relations or non-blood relations. It is what we water, and groom, and take care of that grow…It is the people who are there always, and consistently and forever that get the privilege of being in that growing garden. They get to have sun and rain on them depending on the weather and God's will that day..

Others may be sprinkled with water, get little drops, be in partial bloom, have slants of sun on their faces.. but they don’t get to be part of the real garden alas. How could they when they did not grow it?

My garden feels bountiful today. I feel blessed. By my own strength and the strength of others.

For the storms I have survived and the rainbows that have followed.

Blessed for my life and the way I am choosing to live it. In the wonderful company of those who truly love us.