Sunday, November 30, 2014

Little Grateful things



The USA thanksgiving has inspired me to write a short list of a few of the things I am grateful for. My brother in the US and I were joking about this “grateful list” that I mentioned and so I decided to actually do a little one today.

It feels good to do this as been a very hard week with my mom at a record bottom low of her concussion and my eldest son at a record breaking high of teenage crap
There are so many BIG things I am grateful for (trust me any day of health that comes along in our family lately I am grateful; for) but this is a list of the smaller delights. Not about big loves-or big things –just the small little things that come to mind in this moment

I will choose and narrow it to 20 things

1-when all the work and errands have been completed and I sit down to read or watch TV (usually around 11:20pm). That moment I always call “twilight”. So precious

2-losing about .5 lbs. to 1 pound every week. Up to 9 lbs. and love the way my clothes are fitting on my hips a bit better each week

3-Hot Tomato cream basil soup

4-The way it feels sooo nice when all 5 of us laugh at the table and have time to be together at the cottage (has been a while!!)

5-ponytails

6-A great book

7-looking forward to vacations

8-strawberry cupcakes with infused vanilla frosting

9-finding things we lose

10-Being given a really nice compliment unexpectedly by someone unexpected

11-My mom’s fleece sheets

12-when a cute guy innocently flirts with me. Makes me feel good.

13-Appreciating the fact that I am super organized despite major obstacles and 95 percent finished my Xmas shopping

14- Working where I do with the people I do

15-Protein smoothies

16-Unconditional love from friends

17-sleep

18-The strong and solid foundation of a solid and secure family

19-my kids and that they have grown taller and wont be midgets afterall

20-Finding time for important things. Despite chaos and crisis always ongoing -always putting relationships first.



Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Here’s my blog of the the last few days



I am too busy to blog!

Not even a spare minute.
It’s been a big big week. Good things-bad things-neutral things-boring things.
Thing are pretty spicy around here!
And work is so crazy busy.

My Mom has been really bad with her concussion and her and I are so close and connected I would say a thousand times worse for me than if it was happening to me. I am trying to find effective ways to cope with my anxiety over this.

Two new big contracts for my company Lifeworks-so unexpected and both super exciting

And tonight I am hosting my  yearly traditional “little girl’s night” where my some of my BFF’s little girls 3-6 yrs. old all come to eat and do a craft and a family night (without the moms!!)

Got to go!

PS-and today I did a huge grocery order at 7am!!!! Craziness

One of my Bffs from work and I dumped our husbands for Saturday's upcoming Christmas party and are going as each other’s dates. I haven’t had a wild and crazy girls night for a loooong time ( like since I was 23) I might even drink!!! (ssshhhh)

Should be interesting!



Saturday, November 22, 2014

Can We Plan?

This week we met our financial planners. This is done twice a year and this year more often as we are really taking control of our finances and so even more meetings. In these meetings we discuss with our two amazing financial planners our future. Our plans? Our wants? Our needs? Our predications of how things will be? The unexpected? Hard questions like what if one of us dies? Or was disabled? Fun questions like will we travel more? Want to buy a big boat one day? Will we have enough money? Will we be scrambling by? Will we sell our home and move into an apartment?  Keep the cottage? Retire or work part time?

To plan..to dream..to hope..to want. To be realistic too.(sometimes too realistic for my liking which is why I have (stupidly) avoided calculating every penny for years now!)

What came to mind all week during our meetings with them was a list of a few things in 2014 that I could never have planned for or have expected. Not a complete list just a short list while on my mind right now:

1-that our daughter would be in  two body braces for 2.5- 3 years 20 hrs a day

2-that my Mom would have a mild brain injury (concussion, post concussion syndrome, now second more sever concussion all of this lasting over a year now) that prevents her from most of life’s normal functioning one year after hitting her head and that this would define all our lives in so many ways

3-That I would succeed at the level I am in the role I took on at work a year ago

4-That I wold have a coauthored book being published  and on Amazon in March 2105

5-That I would be so proud of my husband in the way I am. He is such  role model of strength to so many people we know and our children especially in his journey of 2014

6-That a very close friend of ours ( husband of a Bff) would have had a major heart attack at the age of 42

7-That our life would be lived in 6 months increments fending off the dire possibility of major spinal surgery that would change Beauty’ all our lives forever and live x-ray to x-ray.

8-That Chase would be in advanced math, and science physics chemistry stream and have a higher grade point average even than most of his friends and many people in the school this semester!!! (and not on a stimulant drug for ADD that would help his marks in the least)

9-That so many of our lasting traditions that we have had for more than a decade would change with close  friends and we would see  our various groups of  friends so much less that we always have in general (due to so so many different reasons ( depending on which group of friends) That so much of this year has been spent alone in so many ways-the five of us –and more often even just the two of us. That we would be a solo as we are right now.

10-That Bear would want and be willing and  want to get up at 5am and go to kayak practice and swim laps and lift weights and go directly to school which starts at 7:50am. I never dreamed I would be bringing up the true Athlete of the Year!

11-That my company Lifeworks (only 1 day a week) would be taking the direction it is so different that my specialties and expertise in the past.

12-That both boys would have steady girlfriends!!!!


13- That with all of the above (both the good and the bad)……that I could still be ok and handle all these levels of change that so suddenly have slipped into our loves.. And that  my family too is ok. That we could still thrive.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Comments on Blog are Back! (I hope it is working now???)



It came to my attention in the summer than no one could write comments on my blog anymore for some reason-I tried to fix it and couldn’t figure out how to get that feature back. And then I just kinds forgot about it and did nothing about it. A month ago Sister Savvy reminded me also that comments can’t be received on blog.
So I fixed it now!

It fell to the bottom of my two do list for a few reasons. Mainly because I receive only a few comments on blog. My audience is wide and growing –but the people who comment know me either personally or professionally and send me usually a text or email with comments and has been that way from the beginning. But comments are welcome and I like them so fire away if you wish! I seem to have many strangers following across the world. This is great too!

And PS I am totally cool and open to if you agree or disagree or even judge what I write-for me that is what it is all about and totally fine. Nothing like a good old conflict or disagreement to get the adrenaline up! It's part of life afterall and certainly to be expected when we choose to make our loves public.

What I realized too about comments in the last few months on blogs is that you have to be in a space for the comments. It has to be that season of your life where you are a commenter and both comment on other’s blogs and respond to comments on your own blog. To me this is real etiquette and I see so many people do this. But it is not for me in this season in my life (besides commenting or responding to my friends blogs as a way to keep in touch)

I am a blog reader of maybe 7-10 blogs and that is it.
And a writer of my own blog 2-5 times a week
I am not a commenter.

But maybe one day I will be in a different season and would be fun to comment a lot and have comments. But for now I am not in that season and likely won’t be until a time when I use my blog for something other than it is being used for now

I don’t believe there is such a thing as internet trolls-only people who have opinions (just like the blog poster) and who are expressing them in the way they see fit or are experiencing the blog. If it offends me I just won’t respond if I am so angry, if it delights me-I will. If it is neutral I probably would too.

I think reading comments to blogs that are always positive and rose colored and yay yay yay a thousand times is just not real life. 120 comments of people telling you how wonderful you are and how much they agree. Nope. Not at all what I am used to in the corporate environment that is certain anyways!!!. There is one woman I see comment on any/every blog I read who is so rose colored and positive I honestly can’t believe it-she never seems to have a question or a comment or a different point of view on anyone’s blog!

All that to say my comments section is back and my email is always open to those of you who continue to send me your thoughts.

And all my views on comments may change one day as I evolve too. Maybe one day I will be in a place to want to comment a lot and receive lots of comments. Maybe I will be in a place to need lots of supportive comments and be offended by disagreement?. We juts never know what we will need and what we will want dependant on the season of our lives will we?

For now I want you to show up as who and what you are with whats on your mind (if you want to at all!). and for me to have the honour of sharing in that .

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Food and I. Me and food



Over the last years (or decade) changing my habits and routines around food has always made it to both my resoultion lists and often on my vacation to do lists where I come back and aim to do things differently.

And I can say that in the 18 yrs. I have been married-not a hell of a lot has changed in terms of my food habits routines. Which is off for me-as I am a mover and a shaker! If I want something I get it. If I set my mind to achieve something-I always do. It’s who I am.

Well not in the food area.

In analzing why this is-I have realized it has never been a real goal for many reasons. Have not wanted or cared enough about it to make really changes for the following reasons: Beware very very honest like I always am!

I adore food and the taste of it

The family I live with find cutting out and changing food very boring
I am an attractive person I think that has always worked in a large company with many cute males and have never felt a lack of attention so has made me care less about the pounds I should probably lose. I have a very curvy body so people look at my boob’s way before they look at my hips I guess!!! Thank God!!!

I have had many other bigger issues to deal with other than food that have needed and deserved my attention over the years

Food loving  is a bit of a cult to me-if you cut it out you are out of the cult

Even when I have tried to make changes-I seem to be able to eat way less and barely shed a pound so what’s the point anyways?


I have never really thought about health that much. I am sad to report I have taken it for granted in many ways. This year woke me up with three family members with big challenges

I don’t have time to think about food and eating it or not eating it

Dieting bores me to deaths the fun part of my life revolves around meals and restaurents and travel so how could I be on a diet

My husband could not care less if I am plus or minus 10 pounds. He cares very much more  if I do not accompany him in a cupcake.

Now reading the above I make our family sound like Rosanne Barr's family or pigs!! Far from from it. Our three kids are three of the most in shape and skinniest kids I know. My husband is over 6 feet tall and weighted 140lbs before I met him (and now at a comfortable 204 which for his height is good but now has a beer belly he could do without… and I… Well I am just kind of your average girl who has always been a good curvy and loves clothes but yet in the last few years have had more and more lbs  cropped up that have bothered me. And I have liked less how I look.

And I am so not a binger on food naturally . I never ever  snack at night, prefer big lunches to big dinners, don’t have a huge sweet tooth, don’t love cream sauces and am just naturally not an obsessive eater at all. It should be so easy for me  to lose weight as I have naturally fairly good habits . Nor do I drink.

But I love love love  my weekend, meals, the freedom of food, looking forward to a meal with a friend, enjoying and indulging as a family and generally food is just a healthy part of my life and has been for years. And a pleasure,.

BUT..over the last years I have gained about 10 lbs (and I was not ever  skinny before so this bothers me a lot-I was already  at my personal borderline weight) , I notice that compared to a lot of my friends I make less healthy choices more often,and I am not 30 anymore and need to watch out for my health.

But over 5 yrs. have found no health plan that does not make me feel deprived and on a diet and boring and useless and pretty much like staying in bed all day out of boredom or not  so excited for the weekend to come around that I can’t wait to dig into the treat food. Not a healthy cycle and even when in it never lost more than a lb as then would juts gain it right back after a normal meal.

Well fast forward to august 2014 when a friend of mine  came back to work that was on maternity leave and had lost 30lbs!!!!!! She looked amazing!!! And still does. For some reason it hit me because she and I are very alike. Very similar bodies (before)...same light colored eyes, same hair in a knotted bun or messy ponytail. Like clothes lots-purses. Same kind of  au natural feminine style. People never really noticed she could stand to lose a few lbs because you look and notice all the other stuff first. When she lost the weight-for the first time in my life I was inspired to do the same.

I will never lose 30 lbs as I am not motivated enough to go this far-but 15 would be great! And you know what? So far I have lost 7lbs! And I bet by Xmas will be 10 lbs I have lost! I seem to be slowly but surely losing about ½ lb to 1 lb per week!!!!!

py. And you know what….almost scary to write but it is very pleasant and almost effortless by this point. I have  never thought I would write these words. It took about 8 weeks to really get in the habit but now after 10 weeks it is pretty easy actually.
I actually missed the routine and food when on vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here it was it looks like:

Breakfast within 30 minutes of getting up:
Shake with fruit. Special protein smoothie
Snack 10:30: 1 Melba toast and cheese
Lunch –stir-fry-rice and chicken and tons of veggies and beans with peanut sauce or a chicken sandwich and a small salad (or something similar at a rest0)
3:00pm- protein bar that is so sweet I can barely eat it but tastes like a Mars bar in general

5pm-some yummy smoked almonds or a handful of trail mix
Small portion of dinner whatever we are having and try to avoid the starchy carbs or second shake and a salad (which would be hard for me at lunch to not have carbs but weeknights is easy for me as not very hungry)
7:30 pm- Small portion of dinner whatever we are having and try to avoid the starchy carbs or a second shake and a salad

Plus- one special vitamin iced tea in afternoons, lots of water with meals and snacks. Plus a multivitamin daily.


Exceptions:
Weekends I have one shake a day and one protein snack like cheese but usually besides that eat like everyone else and lots of carbs and always 2-3 desserts or treats on weekend etc. My weekends are basically the same although I tend to naturally eat less and also try to only have one dessert a day on weekend and a bit smaller portions but hardly.

During week-usually 2 times go out to restaurants and don’t  stick to the meals at all and eat whatever always when out

 in general:  so much less hungry and so many less craving for sweets or fast food or bad stuff. The protein shakes full up so much, the protein snacks leave much less room for anything else, the shakes are full of everything your body needs in terms of vitamins for the day so have a way of just making you make the right choices!

It has been slow as to do this right way would need to eat almost double the protein a day that I am eating (which tends to disgust me as don’t love it) but for now about a a pound every two weeks...which is fine by me! And I feel great too which is even finer.

I don’t know if I will keep losing weight –but it kind of feels like it. I don’t feel deprived at all. And although took me a couple of months to actually enjoy the shakes now my body craves them on days when I don’t have them or I travel.
Plus I have cut out 80 percent of diet coke and only have it at restaurants, trips and maybe once a week with a meal at home. So almost (85 percent) caffeine free as I don’t drink coffee. I am water all the way. I need to find a way to get more veggies in there but other than that I am good I think.

My X-mas my goal is 10 lbs !(so 3 more than now)
I am very very very proud of myself as you can probably tell
Because I get to have my cake-and eat it too!!!!!



Saturday, November 15, 2014

Something a Wee bit Different Today

Lately in reading blogs I have been realizing that blog writers in general stick to one style of writing, or preferred subjects, or topics to talks about. Every few months it may (or may not) shift. But lots of the blogs I am reading lately seem to be in a rut.and the blog writers are assuming we love those topics they discuss but really we are getting bored to tears

Including my own blog of course.

Lately (well all of 2014 actually!) I have been in more of a"poor me" space-how hard life is and difficult, how great my kids are, how much I love my family, all the wonderful beaches we go too Lalalalala. I am boring myself even writing these blogs-I cant even imagine being you and reading them.

Well it’s time for something different today people.. Get back to my other style of writing –the lighter funnier side of me.

Disclaimer: if ever I am divorced and dating this blog post must not be sent to any of the many young guys I am going to sleep with ok? Or guys of any age for that matter?

Here it goes:

I have had a problem in the last few days.
It sounds quite simple and clear-but really it is a bit messy (literally)
I have a cough
A bad bad cough.
And when I have a coughing fit ( which in the last 3 days has ranged from 2-85 times over the course of 24 hrs).
I PEE MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yes I birthed three children
Yes I have heard woman say that when they sneeze some pee comes out sometimes
But how many times can a human sneeze in a day?
You can cough an awful  lot. Trust me.

The other issue? I am not a stay at home Mom
Nor do I have a job where I sit in my chair a lot
I go to many meetings and often am found presenting very important presentations in front of large groups of important people.

Yes well the other day let’s just say my office chair was not light gray anymore L( It looks black. PS how do you tell the cleaning company who washes your office that you peed your chair????

I have been trying to make all meetings in my office instead of standing up, and wearing black pants, and changing pajamas no joke 6 times a night but I am encountering a few obstacles along the way I must admit:

1-I don’t own enough underwear to get through this (and I am now on a strict budget)

2-I only have 4 pairs of black pants (on the positive side I did have 6 pairs but lost 8 lbs in last 2 months so now only 4 fit!!!). Skinnier but full of urineL

3-Beige pants don’t do well with pee

4-Bear refuses to do laundry anymore as he says it always smells like pee now

5-Often people at work ask to borrow my conference  chairs and now I can’t let them and have to be come across really mean ,and give no reason like “no I don’t like lending out my chair!)

Tomorrow (this was written thursday) I have the HUGEST day of my career with the most important people. Thank god today I have only peed my pants once.
I have now gotten smart enough to wear maxi pads. By the weekend I might be in DEPENDS.
I never thought being 43 would look like this. It is wet and yucky.


How’s that for not bragging, being diverse and making you laugh?
Anything to share with me???

PS-Today is Saturday now and my cough has lessened and the pee part is gone! I am free!!! Although today had to actualy cut a very big  and good and funny conversation short with a BFF because of my cough ad could not breathe. I would rather lack of oxygen than urination.



Monday, November 10, 2014

Punta Cana in Pictures Part 2 (final!)

excursion that  costed as ended up ruining all the clothes and bathingsuits !
All my boys at the buggy excursion. Chase they passed for 18 yrs old but Bear could not pass so had to be a sad passenger





Me and My Protector. We had a lovely family vacation but also a really nice couples trip too
too




Beauty and I at our girls dolphin excursion. It poured on us and we were scared lighting would hit us in the ocean but we had a blast! Above is Beauty's first kiss





Ebony and Ivory. these two found eachother on the beach and boogie boarded together. No speaking just companionship

All three kids took surfing lessons
Hubby was so sick for 2 days and this is what he looked like:((( He and I are still sick en back home 




I  still sometimes cant believe we made these three young adults!!! I love looking at them and seeing the combination of  us in them all somehow
My fave three guys

she is taller than me now!!!


Our beach dinner they set for us on the beach:))) Two sick but oh well!!!







Total Camera Fraud (aka they /we are not really laughing..I threatened them to look happy in  pics or else!!!










The plane ride after a great trip

Was a great trip but Didi was missed so so much. But because we all love her.....we knew she would want us to have a good time anyways. and we did!!!! This vacation was exactly what we all needed at the end of 2014. Bonded togetherness in our little cocoon.


What I love best about all our vacation pics this year is that how we look reflects how we are feeling. There is joy on our faces this year. An we deserve to look happy. It has been a year full of so much sadness and strength, unexpected turns and obstacles. And all of this-we were able to get through and thrive as a family. We didn't give in and we didn't give up-nor will we ever, I love seeing the true happiness on our faces.

You will also note we did not match in any of the professional photos from the last post. I asked everyone to wear what they felt most beautiful in and we all did. Its the way I am parenting for this stage of our lives: do what you love to do and be who you want to be: and we will accept you for these decisions you make and who you will be because we respect you. So far.....this is working and producing three very happy , secure and  well behaved teens. (so far!!!)
We are not in the matchy matchy stages anymore (we never really were  even less so this year!!) I wanted these pictures to really show the individuality of everyone and I think they do

All of our vacation pictures this year make me profoundly happy. I look at them and I feel......in the end it's all going to be ok. and if it is not?

then it is definately not the end.

Friday, November 07, 2014

Punta Cana 2014 Moments:




The Best

1-Our butler Felix (his service came with the room we have. He made our stay so nice….NA beer at the bars, towels and chairs by the ocean etc.)

2-The food. By the end of the vacation we are a bit sick of resort food-but it really is truly yummy. The hash browns, the pizza, the chocolate milk, pasta bar, egg station, eggrolls, nachos, roasted chicken. Mostly everything we ate with a few exceptions (potato mushroom soup anyone?) was really tasty

3-Room service approx. 1 hr before dinner. The kids did this and a bit silly but so indulgent (which is what vacation is all about). Hot pizza and brownies almost nightly the second part of vacation when they figured out they could do this without permission (on vacation we kind of have very very few rules or obligations)

4-The nail file for 2$. The kids know we are trying not to spend on little dumb things..Everything in the gift shop was at least 20$. Chase needed a nail file and when we asked price and it was only 2$ we all were so excited and jumped up for joy! It was hilarious! And we left without it..as realized it was a want and not a needJ

5-Family pics and “ball sack”

6-Connecting rooms….which in the end was amazing

7-So many strangers commenting how nice it was to see three teens who wanted to spend time with their parents and family

8-Our little worrier Chase who kept track of all of us all day long

9-Bear’s Russian the volleyball team

10-Beauty’s big heart with the vendors, and giving gifts to people and her love affair with Mr. 21 ys old

11-All the nightly laughs at dinners

12-the Chinese man screaming in a very strong accent “This retarded ball! Who’s is it???? Who is the owner of this f..g ball!!!”

13 The woman with the big butt whose husband scared Bear

14-The weddings on the beach

15-Mommy making all, the kids laughs and dance and be silly all the time (this is when I am so thankful there are no other kids around as I am their big friend)

16-Being together..not having the kids ever be bored…hanging with the kids

17-Knowing how important it was to us to have a couple more vacations with the kids all together before Chase is on different schedule next Sept-and making it happen. Knowing that right now family time is more important than couple time for both of us for the next few yrs.

18-the few amazing half days of hot sun on the vacation in the ocean and pool feeling the heat

19-Hubby and I not checking email or text even once .

 

Hubbys’s Specific Top 3:

  1. Bear and his hat in the gift shop
  2. Kids screaming “ball sack” and laughing during pics
  3. The Mexican resto last night with the three kids on the booth couch of the table all cuddling and laughing and hugging each other all evening (we know sounds a bit odd but that is what they do a lot)

 

Moments we would rather forget:

1-Didi not being able to come on the trip L((((((((((  (for the second time just broke our hearts to pieces)

2-The weather L(((We never seem to be able to get away from bad weather. Everyone else seems to have a week with a few hrs of rain. We get clouds and rain all week with a couple of hours of sun in a week. This trip was at least very warm-but even today not even a minute of sun L((((At best we had maybe 20 hrs of beach hot weather in the whole week

3-Hubby being sick most the trip (now in his lungs!)

4-Beauty being sick one day really badly

5-I being sick now 2.5 days (but my family would never know it as I never mention it. ).

6-My Mom not coming and me worrying about my mom

7-My mom not being here with us

8-My Mom not being here with us

9-The stupid weather

10-Me having a (secret) crying meltdown today that nobody knows about. I cried to the concierge for about 15 mins. I think some of the stress of the last year is getting to me and when something went wrong (that in my mind was big for many reasons but in reality was not the end of the world) I just lost it and melted.

10-My Mom being sick at home L(

But. As you can see many more good things than bad and overall we had great family time and an awesome vacation. I would recommend this place to anyone. And I would definitely come back here too.

Tonight is last night and we are going Chinese food then packing, then a bath on the balcony and early bed to wake up tomorrow to hopefully get a few hrs of sun before we leave? Would that be possible???

 

We still love vacation!!! Whenver it is about the end..I start to grieve.