Life is Beautiful

Our three kids started school this week. Usually this is bittersweet for me…they are often grating on my nerves after 9 weeks home and I am happy to get them back into routine, but on the other hand the routine of waking up early, and school supplies and schedules is lethal. I always find it sad for summer to end officially with the return to school.

This year was different.

They did not grate on my nerves at all.

I did not want them to return for school. Yet another part of me was thrilled to see them all starting again. I was plain excited for them.

So here they are:

There is something so beautiful about this picture for me. I adore it.

And here they all are each individually. My babies who don’t look like babies anymore.

Hubby and I were just discussing this morning how if this is what the teens years are: we love these years. So far-it is truly amazing. We love watching them become who they are going to be, to experiment, to blossom, to discover, to make mistakes and recover. I love watching them choose who they will love, what they want and what they don’t want. I adore being privy to this process.

I consider it of the greatest honor. Truly. I have never felt happier as a parent at this stage –or more fulfilled. I feel like there is not a greater privilege in the world than to watch them grow. Nothing is more important to me now than being part of this journey.

And I feel so proud of what they are becoming and who they already are. I feel proud of us as parents as I know there are not too many feeling like this with teens. I feel blessed and proud and deliberate. I am in my element right now. This is my thing.

And yes of course I could do a lot less with of the attitude, and messiness and talking back. The late nights, and scary moments of uncertainly, and having to pick them up while we are supposed to be sleeping. There are a lot of hard things about having teens…but don’t aren’t all great things in life  hard?

They are not angels from a long stretch. I think I just like teens. I like keeping my mind busy and full and challenged and these three and their friends do the trick for me. It’s exciting and exhausting and hard and takes lots of effort. Like a great new career or project at work-I love being stretched. This is me.

And I always think: Will it continue this way? We all still have a long way to go together and we are far from over with a 12.5 yr old far from her true adolescence in many ways (and close to it in others). I see the difference of a real teen of 16.5 and a half way there teen of 14.5 and a beginner at 12.5 yrs. We are far from over or past the finish line (thank god). We have a long ways to go-but we are doing well.

And I am so happy to hear myself say that. Because it has been a damn hard time around here for the last 8 months. Damn hard. Hard Depressing. I think many people going through what we did and what we are could have even split up. We didn’t. We held on and are holding on tight. We are not letting go.  One day I will write a book on this year. All the elements in a row that led to the drama of it all. How it really was and what it really was. But I won’t until it is all a thing of the past. From a safe place. We are not there yet.

So for now-life is beautiful. And I am so glad to be able to feel it. And feel it fully and wonderful fully. Yes it may be fleeting-yes it may not stick. Yes euphoria goes away. But right now I am happily spent and soaking it all in. I am taking what I can get and right now I am feeling an abundance of good.

We have earned this every single step of the way. So if you think I am lucky, or bragging or patting myself on the back too much….think again. And GO AWAY!

Here are the moments of my kids starting school in Sept 2014 that I want to remember so much. They all completely 100 percent changed since school was let our in June and I want to remember it. And the school where they began (Beauty) and return again (Bear and Chase) is almost a faith, a religion. An almost cult even. It is a way of life-and protects them and shelters them, and allows them to grow physically and mentally. It is a place to grow up and explore and make mistakes, to be passionate and motivated and learn to love to learn. It is a place with a very specific set of values and ways –and one we believe in and respect and admire. It is a place that people love to be because of the focus on sports and dance. You have to earn your keep to do your thing.

It is their place. It is ours. And it is everything that I want my kids to learn and be.

Sec 1 2014 Beauty (aka Grade 7)

Semi-professional dance program. 2-4 hrs a day of dance in curriculum. On program for this year is ballet, flamenco, 3 types of jazz and contemporary. Then 4 years of bliss ahead of other types of dance. Bliss. Joy. Bliss.

She auditioned for the first two days of school and was accepted to group A. Highest elite group! Her dream! In a brace! This gives her a good chance of being in “la troupe” in Sec 3 which is highly competitive volet of dance where many become professional dancers. She will have a 1/3 chance. We shall see.

Dance makes her love this school. Plain and simple. Came home second day and did all her homework. Arrived at the cottage on weekend and did homework. She goes there to dance and to dance she has to have good marks to stay. A win win for all.

She has a million new friends all within 3 days and adores them all. She adores the four girls she was always five with the same vigor. High school for her will be dance and friends.

She looks adorable in her uniforms and I love how organised she is and lays them all out at night

She is hard headed, stubborn, attitude, babyish, sometime self centered and a handful to live with a lot of the time. The school and dance will even her out. We are hoping anyways. We can sit back and let the magic of high school do its work on our daughter

Our daughter…love that girl.

Bear Sec 3

Hardest year or science and math. He says will be the best year of his high school

Sports program at its peak with 4 planned overnights (2-4  night) trips throughout the year. He is in same defi sport class with all his “homies” aka best buddies. He is thrilled

All the nicknames he and his friends call each other. Such a close knit group.

Three months with girlfriend. Too you for sure. But she is a sweetie and they have a super supportive and loving and communicative relationship.

Competitive kayak this summer changed his body and his psyche. I love what has happened.

Determined to win athlete of the year again this year. Not easy! Good for him for his motivations

This kid is a dream. Athletic, open communicator, high acadimeic achievement, hard headed, temper. Has learnt to use his words and negotiate well with us. So far so good! I would take 10 clones of himJ

Chase Sec 5-Graduating year

He has changed the most over the summer. Found his thing-extreme downhill dirt bike. Found himself and his passion

Girl in his life-another cutie. Shy and feminine. Love watching them text and communicate and get to know each other. Love that he actually shares this with me too

Parties, late nights, friends. Some drinking and experimenting. All responsibly. All openly. Great teen

Best friend for a few years now who is literally a permanent structure in our home. He’s a good guy and I call him our adopted son. He grew on us and we have known him since kindergarten (only really spoke to us about 3 yrs. ago and now won’t shut up!)

Running today in forest 1.5 hrs to prep for 18 km run for sports program on Friday.

This year’s sports are parcours, snowboard, softball etc.. This program has been amazing with a total of 65 sports learnt and practiced!!!!!!!! And not just the sport but the maintenance of the sport (mountain biking and also being tested on how to fix a flat tire on the bike etc..)

I am in love with the man this guy is becoming. And god is he becoming a man.

Overall this summer:

Tons of chats about sex and drugs and teenage stuff. We do this well. They tell us we do anyways. Open and trustful atmosphere.

They all know we accept them for who they are and their friends too. When I do snoop about every 6 weeks here and there on text and Facebook to make sure all kosher I see it again and again “my parents will love you-anyone I love or like-they do too” It completely warms my heart

They test their limits. A lot. Lots of negotiations and disagreeing.

Lots of continued messiness. What can I expect when I choose leisure over tidiness myself?

They all still pretty much sleep with their clothes on no matter what I say or how many pyjamas I buy.

They all are harder to get to the cottage but when here the best side of themselves.

They all know who is right most the timeJ

Our best family times remain at cottage.(actually our only real quality family time). Yesterday hubby and I on water lying on Bali bad on the dock and all three came down and the five of us tickled and cuddled. And laugh and talked. They say silly things like babies like “penis” and then see if we get mad at them. It’s babyish and silly and hilarious and they get all red in the face. He smells my hair and says it smells like her, they ask questions, they tell us about the kissing they have done; they ask us about other stuff. They trust us. We trust them. Silly boys. I am not surprised they are being scooped up by girls latterly. Quality guys. And our girl just takes it all in and watches and joins the silliness in her own way.

Can I have her to the cottage? I want her to come two days and not one bc I want you to KNOW her. I don’t want her at the same time as brothers girlfriend as then they will both try to talk to you and I want you to talk to only her.

I have a problem there is a trip at school at Easter for sports program and that is when we are supposed to go on big family trip. What did we do mom??/

Mommy I am group A!!!! I did it! I am so proud of myself!!! Dance is my life

!!

Mom after the race we both have to shower so we smell good. It’s ok right if she showers at our house. And we might take a nap too as will be tired after 18 km run. It’s ok right?

I am not eating lunch now . I amgoing for a run in the woods-helps my stress levels and feels good. Are you proud of my mom???

Mama.. I love you. Thanks for always having my friends over

I am so excited for this school year-it’s going to be the best.

Seeing then grow, and change and all the fruits of our labour come to fruition. Some they reject, other parts they accept. They make us better people. They honor us by being who they are authentically. And make us more understanding of diversity of who they are not.

Thankful another year has begun and sad to see another summer go. Wanting every last second as a family of five and praying they will always come back to us over the course of their long lives

Life is long

Life is beautiful

We booked a family vacation for November school break in Punta Cana . With Didi too! I intend to have the time of our lives. We a normally take a two week alone trip but decided this year no time for alone trips right now. We will only have all three for vacations for a little amount of time. And can be alone forever. We are giving them everything we have right now. A race until the finish line we know is looming over is in family time

I know it is a braggy post. Might piss some people off to read about my happiness. And you know what?

We have been through hell-and back this year. And we are far from done. (but halfway there maybe?)

We deserve to feel good

We deserve it

This part of life? It’s what I am good at. Some people are good at other things..other people are good at many things. I am not good at lots of things.

But raising teens? I think I may have found my thing.

And you know what? I love my thing.

I am in my groove people.

And maybe in a year, or a month, or a week or a minute or a moment, I will feel differently. Actually I can promise you I will. I will doubt myself, or feel more stressed, or less confidante in my abilities, or sadder, or less capable.

(Even behind my sunglasses today there were tears)

But for now….

It’s all a Peach.

Joy in Friends

 

(Pics to be added later as not working)

I have felt a lot of Joy in the last few weeks. A lot. It of course all started with Beauty’s good news at hospital that bracing is working.

Then last weekend we had 8 kids up to cottage for two nights and two days and truly had a blast. I do have to admit..That I think we are both really cool parentsJ) their friends all told us all weekend long in those 48 hrs.  so I am starting to believe it. We LOVE having a cottage full of kids. Love it. Their friends told me we are a great balance between strict and structure and fun and relaxed. It was a HUGE compliment as it what we strategize and strive for.

We did 15 hrs of boating in total, tubing, wakeboard, surf, knee board, wake skate, slalom. It was amazing weather and amazing company. We had great meals and had great bonfires. We hang out with them all as much as we can a) bc we adore them all b) high and very important value of ours to really know our kids friends really well

And they all seem to love being there too. And our kids are grateful for this. Very grateful and express it to us. We eat a ton, and laugh a ton, and talk about a million topics the kids have probably not talked about before with adults. It was so fun.

We went through sooooooo much food and drink. And so many pillows and sheets and jumped in the lake over and over again in the best weather yet all summer. We were all exhausted by Sunday night-but truly happily spent.

I have been asked by a few people  and clients in last few months to write what we do with their friends and our “best practices: Here it goes!

We have them over a lot. Whenever they want. We reserve many weekends for just family time-but many weekend for their friends too

Kids don’t need to ask us for friend’s afterschool, coming over etc. (except full weekends at cottage) they know the rules and homework times and between that friends are always welcome. Dont even really need to ask for sinner either unless a schoolnight or a special event.

They are always welcome to anything to eat and drink and don’t have to ask (we buy what they all like, cater to palets and allergies of many, make them feel at home by encouraging reaching into the fridge)

 

We sit with them for all meals and have loooong dinners and talks and laughs. Often we have “themes” at dinner to talk about “What make the teen years good…how to do well in school…what chores each has at home…about school….opposite sex ..etc…what can parents do to support teens more etc..etc..

We open the conversations to many topics. We talk about anything and everything they want to talk about. Teens like this. Trust me I had it as a teen and my home was the place to go

We don’t worry about the mess until the end of the day. We do general tidying like bring plates etc. but don’t worry about house being clean and tidy. Leave your shoes on and help us sweep at end of day! Be yourself and relax and enjoy!

We try to do some “teen talks” share some of our values on stuff like safety and being yourself, and including others, and say no to drugs. We say of course our family values and may not be theirs. But I love this part and they all do too. The girls especially in our car rides beg for this (not my daughter but her friends!)

We hug their friends and kiss them goodnight a lot of the time whenever they let us. We tuck them in  often.

We tell their friends often how much we appreciate them and what specifically we appreciate. I often frame pics of weekend for each and write on back what I admire most about that friend and deliver it to them at their doorJ

We don’t judge our kids friends (unless a horrible person that is bad and mean and totally disrespectful which has never ever happened. ) we accept our kids friends and diversity and welcome all of them into our home. There are not criteria for entry or to be welcome. This also frees our kids up to tell us about who drinks and tries  drugs etc. as they know we won’t use this against them and their friends. It opens communication

We make all the kids do chores every night. Lots. One of the friends cleans all the toilets even! And when leave from weekend 2 hr cleanup all of us

We nag the kids just like our kids! (We try to nag less in general when friends there as juts unpleasant for all (its hard trust me but I have mastered it) those weekends are more relaxed, less structured. Just fun and easy

We try if we have an issue with our kids not to bring it up in front of their friends. Even if our kid provokes us we put on a list for later.

We take lots of pics and send them to all the parents

We take two cars so all the boys get to chat with Hubby and all the girls get to chat with me

We treat good friends of kids like family. Like our own friends too. It is a very inclusive and inviting climate when it comes to friends around our place. They become one of us . We don’t dress up (we wear pj’s usually) we don’t put on a show. We are generally ourselves with minor tweaks!

Lucky for us  and our kids have always had and have AMAZING people surrounding them. Truly amazing. All super super different and unique but good solid kids . Some come and go..Some stay around forever….but such an important value to us to encourage nurturing friendships

FriendsJ

 

 

 

No Time

 

I have absolutely no time to blog. None. And I can’t find a space to make time either.

And thankfully for me I make time for my IRL people (in real life people) and blogging takes a backseat to that always. (I have never personally agreed with the whole commenting all day long on other bloggers blogs and ignoring real life people!) But I do make time to read my 5 five blogs a day (two of which are my real friends)

So much has happened since last week and beauty’s good news at hospital. We had 8 kids at the cottage for 2 days….we had an adult date day and night at the pool and an amazing spa night downtown, I held a bday party last night after work for Childhood wonder and had a bunch of little adorable kiddies in my pool. My daughter started high school, my middle son Grade 9 and my eldest his graduating year of high school.

Over the last week I have “caught” one boy in the pool with his girlfriend tightly wrapped around him and mouths glued, and another son kissing like crazy on the bail bed I lay on every night. Quite frankly I did not know either had barely held hands with a girl!! Yes yes I know I am ridiculous and naive.

 

I have questions from teens flying at me constantly and big decisions to make “Can I drive my bike with one brake and sell the other?” Can I drive the car home with all the kids in it?” Can I make my shirt shorter for school? Can I go to bed later now that I am older?

And the wills. I will be seeing my girlfriend afterschool. I will be staying up later. I will be shortening my skirt. Or the wont’s. I won’t be wearing my uniform. I won’t be eating tonight. I won’t be coming to the cottage this weekend.

 

So much has happened. And I have so much to tell and share. I have so much Joy in in the last few days that I have not been able to feel for so long.

But there is work to do at work. And book is finished and now on final comments stage and then published!! And school to be organised for in the evenings. And trips to be booked for November with my mom. And PG to plan for. And people to see . and life to live. And friends to connect with.

And life will always come first

The present moment

The people in front of me or a phone call/text away.

And although blogging super important to me-it will never replace those moments

So as much as I want to tell you and record these moments-for now…I am pleased with just living them.

And not worrying (for the moment) that all of these moments will be stolen by surgery this fall.

I am pleased…just to breathe a little more.

And worry a little less

 

Something Nice Happened TodayJ)))

“Your daughter is doing well. Her curve has not gotten worse. The brace is working. So far -so good. We will see you next in 6 months and see then”

Breathe. Breath. Digest. Focus. Absorb. Process.

Someone is staying something good and nice and positive to you girl!!!

not possible.

Soak it in.

Every single bit.

Ahhhhhhh.

Since about Nov 30…its sounds horrible but nothing nice has been said. Except all the positives I manage to make out of all the negatives. Because I am good at making hard things beautiful. But nothing has been easy..Or said easily…or received easily. Literally one crisis after another (and the worst is I am not even exaggerating)

So today. Was amazing!!!!!!!

Sure my standards have lowered a bit maybe. Still two more years of bracing 20 hrs. a day. Other x-rays every 6 months where curve still has risk to worsen and need surgery.

But for Today and next 6 months….I can breathe. And live ..and feel good..and smile. I get to be the mom of “a somewhat healthier girl with lifetime scoliosis not having the immediate strong possibility of spinal fusion surgery that would limit her life forever”.

So today I of course arrived adorned in lucky charms, and body washes. with worry dolls. Prayers were said to God, Heavenly Father, and Moms already in heaven…….

And they all worked.

Because you know what?

My girl Meh-Meh..will be just fine.

And today for the first time in 6 months…my heart and head both believed this at the very same time.
Health is everything..and when you feel that is really threatned-the world closes in on everything.Meh- meh will start highschool in dance and feel joy and calm. She got a  very well deserved gift today.It's time for this family to get a break.

And me?  I felt..like I came back to myself just a little. And it felt damn good to be back home..to me.

 

“I Do…until ..I Don’t”

This is my new motto for eating. And I think it is going to work really well, if I am guessing.

Also: “It’s what you do eat..and not what you don’t eat..that matters”.

You see for the last 2 weeks I have done things very very differently with food with minimal effort. And this is the first time in my life I seem to have the motivation, or willingness, or want, or commitment to make long term eating changes. Weird eh?

I think it has to do mostly with much more space in my brain freed up largely in not having to worry continuously about people around me. I think it is that cliché of “when you let go of controlling others….you free up time for you”. I never ever thought what I would actually choose to do with this time would be to eat low fat cheese and drink protein drinks.

It all started on vacation at  the cottage these years with the horrible weather (that seems like it has never stopped since actaully) and it was three weeks of our usual crazy holiday eating. But something inside of me snapped this year and thought “this is ridiculous. “This is not making me feel good at all”  And taking a three week break from exercise (besides kayaking often 1.5 hrs. often per day) is not enough either. My goal moved from diet and exercise from wanting to look good…to wanting to feel good (which has been more of a struggle for me lately). I think in our 40’s our priorities shift and health more than anything becomes the coveted thing.

 

And then and there I just made some space in my brain it seems for healthy eating. Right on the spot. And when I got home from vacation-did a lot of research..got some 1-1 phone  coaching with an expert..And went out and bought a whole lot of products with protein and fibre in them. Too simple to be true eh? But that is the type of person I am..when I decide something..I just do it.

 

The question is what is a girl like me, very fashion concious, likes to look good, educated, gaining weight year to year slowly but surely, flirty enough and in need of changing my diet never did this before???

The answer to be honest was: indulgence, not liking depriving myself, feeling like I had no space in my brain for this, feeling like I deserved to eat treats, lazy, and also just always feeling like if I am honest (which I always am on this blog) that could get away with some extra weight because I have a curvy voluptuous body that has always someone been somewhat admired by men (well maybe not  as much over the  last few years) but before that. I also seem to have the type of body and overall looks that weight is never been a big issue. Even if I could stand to lose some for sure. Have always had many compliments about my hair, face, clothes and body (well not as much in last few years)…that quite frankly….I think I just got super lazy and took this a bit for granted. I got used to being called “pretty ” and just kind of forgot about the upkeep.  “Pretty Enough” became good enough for me over the years somehow.

Well that ended for me this summer. I decided that was stupid and ridiculous and also took a really good look in the mirror and decided to make some changes.

And believe it or not I can honestly say I have not once have I deprived myself of food since I have been married, not really once have I been on a diet besides  a few days here and there to lose some vacation week that never last more than a week.  Not once did I not decline a resto, or not order  exactly what I wanted, or not take something yummy someone offered me.

(It’s a miracle I don’t look like a horse at this point actually).

But to be fair I am not much of a snacker or dinner eater which helps. Lunch is my thing . And weekend/holiday eating (a lot ). I naturally don’t turn towards food for binging or eating large amounts. But my choices are often poor..And indulgent. I began starting to piss myself of after years of this.

So two weeks ago I changed. Will it stick? I think so for some bizarre reason. Will I lose weight? I actually have no idea…and although it would be a great perk-is not my overall goal or motivation which is much easier for me psychologically to make these changes because of that fact.

I want to feel good and I have realized that what I put into my mouth is a direct result of  getting that feeling in some ways. And have realized it is all about what you do eat and not what you don’t eat. The more protein and fibre you eat the better..even though you feel full and as if “how could you actually eat all that in a day”. And bring on the carbs and starches..never ever will I say good bye to those. Or cut down considerably. Would not be able to enjoy life or exist. So I eat it all-and by the very nature of more protein and fibre especially early in day…I naturally eat less of other stuff it seems so far.

 

And I do until I don’t? This means…that my core and regular life will be trying to stick to this regimen. The normal days will be about this healthy balance. But when I don’t stick to it…which will happen plenty: That is fine too. Because like anything else it is what we may do about 75 percent of the time that matters the most. (A future book if I am successful so don’t steal the lingo pls!) It’s a motto that really works for my psychological well-being.

Trust me at my fave restaurents etc and when company etc I will be eating what I want. Life is too short. But in between? Big changes are happening.

 

And all of this started the day I went back to work from vacations. And after 42 years of what I consider indulgence of food, . I said no to a cupcake. For the very first time in my life. And I began this new journey and lifestyle.

And after Sept 1, I will commit to exercise or to move my body every single day of my life for 30 minutes forever. Not 3 days a week or 5. Everyday. Who knows what will happen with that…but for me rules are the way to go and have always been successful of living life.

It’s as simple as “just stop it” or “just start it” when you want to stop/start something. I truly utterly believe this. Another book of mine will be called “Just stop it!”

(Like the various people in the news the last few months asked to just to simply stop behaviors that were causing trouble. The woman who stopped on the highway for a family of ducks, or the woman who‘s sitter called social services on her as she was secretly breastfeeding her 7 yr. old son for comfort at lunchtime at the school when he would fail a test, or the man who was driving his car and his daughter in just underwear and got stopped for a ticket. All of them very questionable behaviors that left the  policy/social service nothing left  to say but simply:

“Just stop it” Right now.

Simple as that.

Stop.

Sometimes in life we just have to put an end to unhealthy behaviors that for some reason somewhere along the way have not been able to be a priority. We have to say no to the cupcake (until we say yes to them) or say yes to moving our body daily (until we say no)

And just like today when it is literally as cold as winter and pouring buckets of cold rain on our heads, when I am bitchy and my husband is depressed for no real given reason…we know the when things like this occur and days like this happen:

It is always to go to the cottage..and connect. Be the five of us. Connect. Connect. Connect . and Connect.

It seems to be the only real cure. No matter how cold and rainy it is..or far away..or inconvenient…or seemingly ridiculous. Or that makes no sense given that in less than 24 hrs our son has to be back home for a date. Just get up and go connect.

Connecting is what to do-when you are not connecting at all.

Success is in rules of life.

Just like eating protein and fibre is good for us and makes us feel better.

 

 

Corn-On-the –Cob and your Life

Where I work I take, administer, deliver and get certified on dozens of personality, leadership and derailed inventories.

But really-nothing tells it like it is like watching someone eats a piece of corn in the summer.

(Or watching a couple interacts who are married . A post for another time. Inspired by couple I saw other day who were married 20 yrs. and so so polite to each other. Weird! Felt like they were trying to totally impress each other and strangers. Freaked me out a bit). I digress. Let’s begin with corn. It has been said that the way a person eats (or tackles) a corn on a cob is reflective of the way they run their life. I can agree 150%.

Bear-methodical rows of tidy and standardized and operationalixed corn eating. Row by row. Some butter and salt in equal and measured amounts. None of it dripping. A napkin in preparation. Flosses after dinner.

Chase-surprising quite neat- but then reverts to chaotic..but then eats often only part and moves onto the next thing on plate and throws the rest out.

Beauty-systematic and organized but eats over her lap vs the plate. Lots of corn on the floor-but looks at corn a lot while eating  and strategizes how to best eat it (she is a hidden neat freak who is messy and has not yet come out of the closet-at all!)

 

My Protector-used to be like Bear and methodical and systematic and now a little systematic and a little chaotic. Also when everyone has 1 corn he has 4 cons and eats the leftovers of others. Perfect corn eater and balance of tidy and messy

 

Me: A sorry state of affairs. No rows, no rhyme or reason, no system. Lots of butter and salt and corn squirting juice everywhere and all over my face. Forgets napkins or take three or four. Leave many niblets on cob. Messy.

 

Now..You may be very surprised at how I eat corn? It is way I run life surpriosingly. Surroundings a bit chaotic and messy…but incredible organization, stayed, planning, executive functioning. I forget nothing..I plan everything. Chaotic and messy while doing it. A paradox..works for me and equally gets on mine and others nerves. Parts of my inate personality and parts are choices I  consciously choose. I prefer to nuture relationships than things. I don’t mind a bit of mess in things I live in or own-but don’t want any mess with ones I love.

Corn says it all as far as I am concerned

If you want to make changes in your life-alter the corn first

 

How do you eat your cob??

Lake Hair

There is not much that beats the soft and silky feel of a cold lake in your hair. It makes my scalp tingle and my hair shine and soften.

And how do I get this?: I jump in lakes often at 6:30am.

Now that the kids are older, once in a while we have my Mom come for dinner and evening and sleepover and steal away for a Monday at the cottage in the summer and I cancel my Monday clients. And we up earlyack and head straight to work the next morning.

Usually it is a hot day (like yesterday!) and we sleep outside on the dock and set alarms for 6:15 am. We see the duck families swimming by and little beaver families running across the property. And then I jump in the lake. Hubby drinks his coffee. And I swim and swim. To me this is the absolute best cottage life has to offer (especially since vacation was three weeks of rain!) The getaways on Monday are never relaxing as kids texting and demanding and disobeying. Work decisions to make and emails to write. Planning to be done and phone calls to make. But it is still so worth it.

 

This weekend was one of the few in yrs. where we did not go to the cottage on a hot sunny weekend. We spend the two days and nights in Quebec City. Bear had Kayak provincials and so we went. Very different for us. I certainly can assure we would not be great soccer or hockey parents-don’t love it at all to that degree. But one weekend or a couple was really nice.

We hung out with other parents, did a lot of standing around, had a big dinner inside on a 30 degree evening (vs outside) got up both mornings at 5:45am and went to sleep at 10:30pm. This is usually not my idea of fun at all-but was cool to be there to cheer on Bear and his team and to see this side of life that so many enjoy.

We had a friend of Beauty’s with us and Chase stayed to DH bike with a friend in Bromont. It was a bit of a whirlwind of a weekend, and we were so exhausted by the time we got in door at midnight Sunday after many hours of driving and early mornings and running We did waterslides there and waterfalls and restos in between all the races. And then true to our crazy selves-we stared a long drive to cottage ,Monday morning at 8amJ

And after the Quebec trip that night upon arriving home after an exhausting weekend….the shit started hitting the fan with teen crap with Chase. Yup the fun begins…and continued into Monday and Tuesday and Tuesday night (I knew I had to wait until they are all 20yrs old before writing a book with any teen advice)

Stay tuned for teen shit-coming up in future posts!

(so glad I had jumped in the lake that morning before things got really nasty. Gave me energy and power to deal with him. And with soft lake hair everything seems juts a wee bit better)

Note to world: enjoy everything before 16 yrs. No matter how much you think it won’t change? News flash-it does!

This post makes me Sad.

Especially in these hot summer months and summer vacation time from school, many people have asked me how it is going for Beauty’s brace wearing 20 hrs daily. I really appreciate these types of questions ….because I find it so nice that people care and think about her. Also as we all know, unless we are in a situation it is hard to understand the reality someone else lives and so sometimes great to share this info.

 

I have had so many nice question and inquiries so I will give it a try. From the child perspective and parent’s perspective

 

For the brace wearer (I can imagine):

 

-It gets very hot. She has to wear a full bodysuit under the actual brace to protect her skin.

 

-The rigid brace at night on hot nights can get very very hot

 

-She always has to think about her day and the activities and where she will take her 4 hr breaks (in all other seasons she is  almost 100 percent compliant and in summer about 80percent as breaks are longer and some activities she does not wear brace with our permission but  rare)

 

-She is very limited by the brace for fashion. Strapless dresses, open tank tops, short shorts. All the things she would wear-are a choice now. Often she chooses to wear them anyways and have the brace show partially. Sometimes she plans her break for these times to wear these outfits; sometimes she forgoes her usual fashion style altogether.

 

-She can’t go to a sleepover impromptu as needs to switch braces. The night brace is too big for a knapsack so we drive it over to the friend’s house and pick it up the next day

 

-It is very uncomfortable to wear body braces so she has bruises and welts on much of her back and waist that never go away

 

-When you have your period and a brace-I can’t even begin to explain how logistically difficult this is to manage

 

-When you change for 4 dance classes a day and you have to wear your  brace bodysuit, ballet body suit and tights (all with no buttons to pee) let’s just say you don’t go to the bathroom a lot and hold it in a lot.

 

-It is extremely physically demanding to wear a brace and so she has not just a 6 pack but and 8 pack. I would honestly say at this point she is totally 100% ripped. This is a positive right???? She honestly has the most beautiful body I have ever seen on a preteen-at least she deserves this.

 

-Braces do not necessarily do well in airport metal detectors

 

-When you jump in and out of lakes and pools, unless it is your break time you have to cover yourself up on boat and get back in brace often

 

-It takes up a whole suitcase for two braces when travel

 

-Often she decides to wear a sweater over a cute outfit to hide braceL usually she is ok to show it but if new crowd or boys around she sometimes hides and it breaks my heart to pieces when she does this

 

-It takes away childhood freedom. She is forced to plan, and calculate and strategize about her day

 

-Bottom line is: it’s very tough. She is an amazing trooper who complains very little. But I can see in her mood and demeanor and attitude. It is all taking a toll on her.

 

From that parent’s point of view

 

-Bodysuits are washed every second to third day. The brace itself is washed especially once a week. The rigid brace is also washed once a week. It is a long and complex process

 

-You have to leave work sometimes at lunch and deliver brace if needed or pick it up

 

-You worry all the time about the upcoming x-ray which will likely determine if spinal fusion or tethering surgery or hopefully (just!) continued bracing

 

_It’s incredible that at this point you would actually be thankful if she only has to wear the brace (vs surgery) for two more years. Let’s just say your standards have gone done in what you hope for.

 

-you spend your time on internet in evenings trying to get it all right and understand. You write less blogs, have less time, cancel events etc, have less energy in general.

 

-when your child is out of brace you stare at her spine continuously

 

-you can spot a kid or adult with scoliosis miles way (even if they themselves don’t know they have it you do)

 

-you thank God daily your daughter has more than enough body confidence and is slim and fit as even with a rigid brace on underneath clothes she still looks skinny

 

-all days are planned according to brace breaks so your already planning self gets even worse

 

-Some of your days are filled with doctors apt, xrays etc. And long hospital visits. You take unpaid days or vacation for this. Husband and you go together to ALL appts and X-Rays. We would not do it any other way

 

-you constantly feel envious of other people’s kids who have clean bills of health

 

-you constantly wonder why this has happened?

 

-you sometimes feel bad or mad at comments people say or don’t say even though you know it is not their fault and just a lack of experience in the area.

 

-you pray that she does not grow more as then more chance of worse curve so instead of being excited when she grows, you get really anxious

 

-you can’t plan vacations or big events for sure as it is 6 months to 6 months you now live by and you know that if surgery needed it will change everything

 

-you miss seeing her just jump in and out of a lake and pool freely

 

-you miss seeing her in her little shorts and midriffs shirts at the cottage

 

-you live in constant fear that things will get much worse even though it is hard already. And although you try not to think about it..it is nearly impossible when it is your child’s health and future that is involved.

 

-You feel blessed daily that it is “only scoliosis” and can’t even begin to  imagine having your child have a life threatening illness.