Special Guests

One part I am loving about having older teens Is socializing . Man is it more fun with the friends of young adults than little kids that I feel compelled to play Lego and crazy eights with !

Last night we had a new very close friend of Chase's  over . In college and univeristy it is hard to to know your kid's friends too well as they are always out and at shows and nightclubs or using the house when we are not here on weekends 

I cornered them on this and made it happen .

He is an actor and in plays but we didn't let that stop us . We had dinner at 9:30pm on a weeknight to make it happen . All of us had activities after school and work that night but we stuck to the plan and made it happen 

I love this guy !!!!!! We had cheese and crackers and veggies in the livingroom and he played piano for us and told us all about his life in Lebanon where his parents and family live .

We had such an interesting and animated evening and it was so fun to get to know someone so different that Chase has been hanging out with lots lately 

He has exposed chase to so many new things : theatre and art and boxing and dance and different  cultures they make a fun duo and pick up a lot of woman together !!! Chick magnets both of them :)

But the best part of evening was how special this special guest made Beauty feel . He was super interested  in hearing her thoughts and ideas and asking her about her views and her boyfriend . I think he sensed beauty's  creative side and they connected on that level . He made her feel like a million bucks . And I felt so happy for her . I remembered as a teenager having two older brothers and how I felt when they paid attention to me and were some of the happiest memories of childhood 

He asked her all about her boyfriend whom she adores talking about and she was telling him she one day wants to marry her boyfriend .  He went with this :) He was telling her that  know that he came to our home for dinner she should now consider him one of her brothers and that he would be there to protect her from harm . The cultures are so different and was super cool to experience his .He also casually mentioned that his family would welcome all five of us anytime in their home in Lebanon 

So he invited Beauty to her dance studio on basement and asked her to show him her dances and they sang together and danced together ( chase too believe it or not ! ) . At first she was so so shy but with a lot of pushing by he and I she agreed . and I let her stay up until 11:45pm on a schoolnight uninterrupted  as I knew she would Remember this forever 

Nobody did chores that night . Our guest was way more interesting 

I felt her glow and happiness all evening of feeling special and paid attention by the 20 yr old friend of her oldest brother 

It was truly a great visit with an amazing guy . I am so happy we prioritized this dinner even if it did happen after a choir practice downtown , a hip hop practice , two busy work days and the house barely having time to be tidied . I love meeting who is important to my children . There is no greater joy in parenting for me I think 

And the visits have been plentiful lately ! Beauty's beau came over for an afterschool visit before they went to his house for his bday dinner . They are so cute together and he is so handsome . There is something so special about him and I really enjoy him 

Bear has his late bday dinner with his BFF who we love and who is coming on our punta Cana trip in a few weeks . He is so fun and we are going to his cottage to have dinner with his parents this weekend

Beauty has had friend after friend over and I have been loving that . These girls are so precious 

I am loving sharing our lives with these young people . It truly is an honour and profound privilege 

What I am loving lately is having them share their lives with me ... Not my idea of their lives .. Of what I want to see .. Or what I planned or intended for them 

Their lives . Letting me see them .

Having young adults on a home is like living in a forum e and all figuring it out together in a messy crazy beautiful way 

This stage ( like most dates of childhood and adolescence ) is my favorite stage. And the hardest 

It's a stage that in many ways I wish could last forever . I have no need for them to grow up too quickly or be very mature and worldly . I am having the time of my life ( on many days ) just watching them goof around and fail and succeed and question themselves and grow up and then grow down a bit . It' s quiet an experience to watch it all . And on many days I want to just throw them all of our the house with the trash !!!

The paradox of parenting is always there for me . Moments like last night make it all worth it . I need to remember to make more time for my connecting to my deepest values ... And last night I felt so complete and fulfilled 

Party Time Here!

Last night I had a houseful of girls here . 6 to be exact and then my two boys . 

There was a dance at the highschool for sec 3 and they all came here to sleep last night 

Bear was at a girl's house so we got him at 12:30am . The girls got home at midnight . Through it all Chase was trying to study (in the living room ! )

All that to say it was a crazy night and Hubby and I went to bed well past 2am and of course work this morning where they all have a day off . We left our door open as we were scared that one of the girls  ( no names !! ) was going to sneak into the boys bedrooms !!

So all of this made me feel ..... Well ... Alive again 

We used to put so much emphasis on our kids social lives and having their friends over and getting to know them ... But for some reason last couple of years have done less and less . Lack of energy ? Motivation ? Scared of teen world ?  Other stuff going on? Self absorbed ? Focusing on other family stuff ? Selfish ? I don't know ... But we went through a bigger dry spell in this as we used to be amazing at it . We still often see their friends but are not "the" place anymore

In the last month I have noticed this deficit and placed intentional focus on it more . I am using our free time to have thier friends over more . During the week - on weekends  at cottage . Prioritizing it all more again . Even next week Chase's new really good friend coming over as I demanded I meet him even thought Chase claims he " is way to old for this "

It's funny how when we focus on some things in life - things change .

It was damn hard and scary having these teens here last night in many ways . Now conversations have shifted from " let's show you a dance ! " to what boy got suspended who had alcohol in his bag at the dance to them all pairing off with boyfriends and talking obsessively about that . To my boys actually having any interest whatsoever in hanging with Beauty's friends . The conversations  , the interests , the topics . Everything has changed and change scares me 

I feel the peer pressure too as we are always way behind the times with our kids . All of these girls are allowed their boyfriends at their cottages and on trips with them ... While I am still thinking I am so generous to allow mine one Valentine's Date .Truly thought was so nice of me and not strict

I am confused where my values lie . What I think is right . And wrong . And what may be right for me might be wrong for my girl ? Or opposite ? I feel the pull of peer pressure - of what my friends think of me and what other parents think of me . What my daughter thinks of me . It's like being a teen all over again myself ! Lol Everyone seems to have a different opinion on this subject!!! and I like them all!

It's a tough and beautiful stage just as every phase with my kids seems to be 

But it felt amazing to have a houseful of their friends just like the old days ( 2 yrs ago and every year before that ) I hugged and hugged those girls and never wanted to let them go . I adore them - I truly do . And they scare me to with their self confidence and assertiveness  and power and beauty . My own daughter glows with friends and is adored . I love seeing that for her. These girls are power houses-I cant wait to see where life takes them all.

And I will never forget after one of the new girls  met me and hubby and chase and bear she turns to me in French y and says " Beaute fatale ta famille !!! " (everyone has fatal beauty in your family)

I love their aliveness . And how alive they make me feel. For the first time in a while I felt like dressing cool today:) 

(And they stills scare me too) 

There is something about raising teens that we feel we come undone oursleves . It's such a challenge . So confusing . Sometimes I have no clue if I am doing it right or wrong . With three of them here two years apart I seem to be dealing with every teen issue under the sun all at once in a rotation . That being said I feel in my element - and alive with happiness and stress and self doubt . I am so much better as a teen mom than I was of young kids . I feel like with each new experience I live with them - I am more capable and we are closer with each disagreement and each rage and problem . It's such a damn hassle but so needed to live this all with them-one frustrating beautiful moment at a time (with chase had a huge houserules talk for 2 hrs too amidst this all!)

I feel in my element 

And scared !!!

Girl stuff

Having a daughter was always a dream of mine 

And one that i was lucky enough to  have come true 

To be honest though besides her always having had beautiful clothes to dress her up in as a little girl .. and now her buying clothes and  purses that i adore - and people often commenting that she looks like me in this or that way - it has not been that different than having boys in many wAys. My friend and i were discussing this together just a month ago in the sense that having a daughter can be overated as in so many ways it is so unique and very similar to having a son in fact

Until now i have felt that although a different experience not too too different . Then my daughter turned 15 - and fell in love and shares that with me . 15 is a whole new age for a mother and daughter. Its the age when a girl often has her first love , and goes from a young teen to more of a real teen, where her identity as a female really begins to shift and grow and where she gets closer or further from her mom . Needs her more or less. When a girl loves a boy she needs her mama

Beauty is getting closer to me and letting me in more - and to be honest i could cry of happiness . As she is growing up so is that relationship blossoming. I can see that she wants so much more of me than she ever has in the past and i am very eager to give it to her

Last weekend she spent an hour telling her brother and her dad and i about how she feels about a boy . It was truly the sweetest thing ever.

This week she has been off school and has had friend after friend over home and at cottage and it has been so fun . It feels like it did a few years ago when her friends were so much a part of our lives and our hearts. That is how it has been this week getting to know even better some newer friends . She has always really lucked out in the friend dept and truly each on is a precious gem 

I adore having teen girls around to go in jacuzzi with and watch then dance and hear about thier friend issues and boyfriends. It simply : really really fun 

Tonight i realized there is a whole new territory to explore with my daughter and one i am still unfamiliar with but one i have always wanted to be invited too . This last week i feel i an becoming part of a world that i never really knew existed . 

I feel so happy right now 

And i am loving having a girl 

And very excited for all that is to come in the future 

Just like with the boys - although this teen stage is challenging and hard to navigate - i think it is also the stage i am best at as a parent too . I feel in my element most days of the week . And i remember those days of lying on my moms bed ans talking about anything and everything with my mom daily before bed as the most precious moments of my life .

I still do . ( i still lie in bed with my mama bear all the time:)

I am starting to feel that opening with my own daughter and it is amazing . This week was truly precious.

Thank you universe for never letting my heart give up on my precious beautiful girl - or her on me