Fabulous weekend

A Fabulous weekend

Excuse punctuation ( or lack of it.. On an iPad vs a computer )

There was something really really good about this weekend. If i was a drama queen i would call it magical even. And best part about it .? It was fairly ordinary. I think it was the fact it was longer .. Also had some kids parts and some couple parts ( my recently divorced friend has been telling me lately that this part of divorce is the good part)
Longer weekends always follow the same pattern for me : i am always a little hesitant friday night of the weekend ahead and wonder if i will enjoy it and be able to relax? By Saturday afternoon i am fully convinced and by sunday night I never want to return home.

Same goes for work. Monday mornings i feel fear and then i learn to love it all again by tuesday afternoon. I guess i don't do well with transitions. I am lucky that i adore my work so much but also being away from work .

What made this weekend wonderful?

- fairly last minute we decided to extend it and take a half day friday off and half day monday without the kids. Having a son drive and two flexible schedules rocks in this way

-the time with the kids we appreciated  so much as seems to seldom lately . Sadly Bear was on a ski trip but the other two were lots of fun and a rare and great dynamic the two of them together

- being outside : walking on the lake , making a path on the lake with the 4by 4 , skating in the forest, walking at night in the dark on the lake before bed, outside amazing jacuzzis . I seriously love cottage winter life . Almost as much as cottage summer life

-loving the crisp pink cheeks get in winter. Makes us all feel alive

- so happy for Beauty she has found a new gang at the mountain since leaving ski competition team . They all went for a spaghetti dinner at the hill saturday night and night skating in the forests . The girl attracts friends so so easily . I am so happy for her . She met both the girls last week for the first time and there she was hugging them with dear life when she said goodbye

- happy chase still trusts me . There was an incident that worried me this weekend with a group of friends and i tried to check his texts after he went to bed . He caught me and confronted me. It taught me a lot about my son and myself . It was hard :( i love the way at the end after some very hard talks that he climbed in my lap and said" i love you mama". He is 18 now . I need to stop my quarterly audits i am thinking


- cuddling with hubby on the couch . We have our  shows and our movies and cuddles on the couch piled in blankets . We have our cottage routines and we love them

- finishing season two of homeland . Love that we have a show again

- watched two really great movies . When chase's plans got canceled last minute saturday night he joined us for movie ( willingly! ) that was fun

- beauty's shy smile this weekend as she danced hip hop for us. Something about that smile struck me and made her so precious. She glowed

- watching a movie with beauty on the couch in front of the fire under lots of blankets . Felt so close and connected

- chase and his new haircut. What a shocking handsome guy . All new clothes and style too . Wow

- bears recount of jay peak and how much he loved his time there . Miss him!

- the food as always and eating it around the counter ( french onion soup . The yummy homemade Cesar salad, pork roast with grilled garlic and all dressed baked potatoes, spinach feta tangerine salad, spaghetti by the fire, homemade lemon meringue pie, red velvet cream cheese cookies

-staying up late at 1am and hubby and i lovingly making lunches for the kids who are up at 6:30am for their jobs at the mountain

- reading a great book

-planning some great dates with friends ( cant wait until friday !!!! )

- fleece sheets ( seriously how did i not know about this all my life ?? )

- sleeping in late late on sunday morning . Love love sleeping in

- dads and daughters taking 4 by 4 to tim Hortons and daughter actually driving . Daughter buying dad breakfast ! Chase stopping in as was getting gas near by . Mommy getting a massage at an auberge


- last but not least . Taking a break from my phone . I always do on weekends but this was longer as had two half days extra . I need it . Sprint . Recovery . Sprint . Recovery . Sprint . The phone reminds me of the week ... And i need  to indulge in the precious weekend . On weekends and vacations we both use hubby's phone to be in touch with the kids and mom and friends and stuff . It works



I am loving the flexibility of schedule . Scared of course that this will lead us to have to sell some stuff as taking too many days ! But that is besides the point . I am working my ass off and also living my ass of too .
And this is when i am most happiest
Work hard/ Play hard seems to have been invented for me

I love love love love cottage life!!!

Making Time for the Important Things and Disciplined with Good Habits

These two things above aren't easy to balance. Most people are good at one or the other rarely both. The same for me. I have mastered one area and struggled in the other.

Then came along my severance period from the company I used to work at. I had always promised myself having worked for large companies all my adult life that I would never resign. I deserved a severance package and I was going to make sure I never left the company without one.

At the time it doesn't feel like a gift. But in reality it is. Everyone had always told me that and it is true. A bit like a maternity leaves ... A gift of time (without having to take care of a bebe!)

For me I used that time to work and build further my company as that was what was best for me and my family. I needed to very quickly secure our financial well-being for the future. But I also used that time to get much more disciplined with good habits. The extra flexibility in mornings allowed me to do what I have always wanted to do in mornings until 9:30am. And just overall allowed me to choose more how I use my time (although I work more than I ever did at a big company in many ways)

If I look back at my life and routines and patterns... I have always been good at making time for the things and people important to me . Mostly the big stuff like vacations and spa days and time alone as a couple etc .

Some of the more ordinary day to day stuff however that is still important to me like cooking for the family , making time for one on one time with the kids , lingering over late night chats with the kids when I am tired etc. .. I want to so but don't do as often as I want 

I am very very diciplined in many areas of my life ( especially work as nobody can believe I work from home and actually sit in my home office and work in work clothes when not at clients offices or meetings )

However things at home I am less disciplined about.

Recently I have begun much more consistently making time for important stuff both big and small and good habits:

Watching a show with Beauty once a week on Wednesdays 

Watching a show with Bear some Wednesdays 

Exercising consistently and walking rain shine or snow to the gym 

Drinking protein shakes in mornings for over 1.5 yrs. now 

Going to the cottage with Soulkeeper a few times a year just the two of us 

Trying to plan a health kick exercise boot camp yoga week for myself. Locations tbd . Cottage ? Caribbean?

Combing business travel with pleasure to see friends (sister savvy in toe not coming up soon ...etc.)

Getting to bed by 11:45pm 

Listening to the news each time I am in the car

Buying a treadmill (which is still in a box in the garage!)

Being in a routine of cooking twice a week. Omg ! It is actually happening!

One thing I have wanted to do door years now and have not gotten in a regular habit since the kids were little are 1-1 dates with each kid. So tonight I grabbed my daughter and want to a great pad Thai place just the two of us (best pad Thai and spring rolls ever despite them being very cheap on the lime slices!!!) was a really nice night with beauty and I realized how important this is to do - to connect in this way.

Next is Bear and then Chase 

Got home to a pile of work and home stuff as was downtown with a client all day and decided to ignore it all. Sat at table with Chase while he ate his dinner... Watched a show with Beauty (our fave series ) got on cozy pjs and just lay in bed .

I am capturing and enjoying many more moments . At the same time I am the most disciplined with good habits I have ever been .

And it feels good !

If the business and money can continue I come in .. This entrepreneurial lifestyle ain't half bad !  But as we all know it's never consistent is it?

I am just realizing lately to listen more to my wants and need and desired and my heart. Use my head a little less and soak up all those ordinary moments that make up a day and feel good. So what if I look like the Easter bunny in my big pink flannel too and skippers or my sheets are flannel. They feel sooooo good .

So do my chats with the kids and  take the time to make fajitas I home cooked . All the moments that make up a day is really what we are left with when it comes down to it .

I am shifting . So are my moments .

Shift Work

I am trying to analyze what feels different about our schedules and life in the last little while-and I figured it out. As parents we kind of work in shifts now which is quite unusual for us. We spilt up a lot-do different things, each take turns to go get the kids etc.

I think most of it has to do with that we have no carpool to school during the week. We made this decision to reduce bureaucracy and back and forth emails and also to spend more time with the kids in the car. The result of it is a lot of early mornings that one or the other is driving.

Then there are the weekends of course with ski so one day Hubby drives them for the early morning and one day I do. usually twice to mountain before 9am (one shift 7:30 am and one shift 9am) Also now with so many activities and friends since all three teens- very often on a Friday night we could leave house 3 times to pick them all up at various places and so take our turns. We do shifts. And it feels strange. A little lonely actually.

Then we also like getting to know the kids friend and girlfriends better so we often offer to drive them home etc. Yesterday was a day off from school and I think between day and evening we drove and picked up about 13 times!!!! Craziness!

A BFF had asked me a while ago if kids have to ask permission for friends over etc..No they do not. When we are at home we assume they see friends as so little time not studying.  And the expectation which they all love is that if friends over during a meal we all eat together. And we expect we will always have at least one kid sleeping over if not many. At cottage I assume they spend family time (although now that is also blurred as two out of there have social lives now at cottage as of this season and we often drive them in evenings to stuff which is a big adjustment and hard on the family time) But hey we all know that the adolescent years are made for this peer orientation..but it's still hard to share them and let go.

Add onto that in the last year and a half my own career (s) has become much more demanding so my list of things that I ignore at home increases-so as soon as I have a spare moment at home I get to my list of all the ignored stuff that need to get done. We find because of this as a couple we spend much less quality time together-focusing more on efficiency than anything else lately. We actually spent the day together at the cottage Monday trying to find strategies as a couple to increase time spent together and more quality time. It was interesting to see that Hubby has much more of a need than I do to be doing tasks or activities alongside each other at this stage of our lives. It was interesting to hear him articulate it and the impact it has on him when we don’t have that time together. We came up with some interesting strategies that we are putting into place for next week-will be interesting!

Throw in broken dishwashers, MIA cleaning team, two broken garage doors etc..etc..etc.. And there is always a reason to be more organized and efficient than focus on quality time together. With a home and cottage something is always breaking or a toilet blocked (hence the plunger bday gift got my guy!)

One thing I am very grateful for is my Hubby's office being 3 mins from home. Never realized the advantages! He does a lot of the dr appts now and pick-ups from special events at school, and emergencies etc….wow this is awesome to share this load. He does more than his share now. I feel me needing to be the breadwinner coming on!!!

We both decided two years ago that with three busy teens driving them everywhere as often as we can is the way to see them and spend time. It is great quality time and they truly appreciate it too and a time when we always get “thank-you” from themJ. It’s a win-win.

So although shift work is not what I want to do for the rest of my life-I can be grateful for it now as in a few years when they are all driving, and then a few years after that when they are all moved out……I will grieve these special moments. Although often I feel I waste these special moments by feeling irritated, being angry or not being present in the moment. I can never win it seems. I have a plan of how I want to me-but I am often so irritated by life and my kids it often never goes as planned.

Even if for the moment it exhausts us and keeps us on our toes (last night set alarm for 1am to make sure son was home-and had to get up 5:45 for other son to ski with school!)

 -I know a good thing when I have it. And having our kids have plenty of friends and activities and wanting us involved in their lives-is a true blessing. I will look forward to it even more next year when Chase can drive by himself and share some of this load!

Control Freak

For those of you who don’t it I am a control freak. Duh???? No news there for people who know me, deal with me, love me or work with me. I have gotten better of the years for sure but just like all the other control freaks I know that surround me-we are here to stay unfortunately.

My controlling issues are largely controlled a lot of the time-but I derail under stress-and certain issues are huge triggers for me. I have had a lot of triggers lately.

My sons new work schedule is one of them. Beauty’s ski competition is another which this year since her last year we are doing almost 100 percent commitments to vs 75% in other years. Bear is training to be a pre-monitor. Chase has his permit for more than 6 months now and preparing to get his driver’s licence. Bear does 6am trainings for kayak during the week. Beauty dances many days after school and now includes Friday nights

And what do all of these things have in common? That triggers me and my control freakiness?

1-Early early mornings so no sleeping in 7 days a week now

2-I am not the one who chose them. They were hand-picked by my kids

3-There is chaos much of the time because I don’t control the schedule because they are getting too old for that (I guess).

Let’s give a few examples here:

Chases new job coincides with Beauty ski training. They are at the same hill. Her timing is already lethal enough but now his timing is 30 mins earlier and 1 hr later than her. But that is some weeks and not others and each week it changes and he might or not might find out on the Friday by email. He has to be there 9 hrs but can get paid from anywhere between 0-4 hrs but it is hugely important that he be there super early just to be sure and is there super late. If he doesn’t do this he loses his bonus which total no joke about 12 dollars for the whole season. 12 dollars total that is just to be clear.

But I have to keep in kind this is a learning experience!!!!!! Clearly for me as much as him!!!! Today I stopped holding myself back and called the supervisor to get the hours clearly understood and was basically told to…… you get the picture. And you know what I did?. I got off the phone and cried. Yup. Cried. I have my period by the way.

Kayak at 6am-what a fun schedule! Before private school where you need to be in uniform and have your lunch and computer and all has to be perfect! Yup let’s tack on another hour of sweating and showering and carpooling! When I said yes I was told that a mom would drive every morning as she liked it-but that kid doesn’t go anymore! That leaves me and the other mom (neither of us much liking getting up at 5:30am very much!)

And trust me I know all of these problems are self-imposed. We choose them as a family (why is another question I guess). We are in the sandwich part of life trying to balance what is good short term (most of it sucks!) vs what will be good for the kids long term (hopefully most of it). Short term pain for hopeful long term gain happens a lot around here lately.

Anyways the list goes on and on. This is the hard part about teens….they are deciding now  and control things themselves-it’s part of growing up and learning right? But for control freaks it is damn hard because we know for sure we do it better so wouldn’t it just be simpler to skip the learning and juts follow me and listen to me? And ps while they control the schedules  we still have to drive.

I mean last week I was taking a restorative yoga on a Friday night and I was worried the whole time that because I left Chase and his girl at home alone that in 9 months I might have a grandbaby???? And this is supposed to be relaxing and restorative for  me. Try again.

(I think my husband must not divorce me simply just to avoid not having to share custody of the kids with me. Talk about a trigger for a schedule control freak. I think he is happier just dealing with this! He and I are both very clear that I would not be an easy partner to be divorced to. Better to keep me under the same roof and cage me when I lose it.)

Raising teens is very very hard. Especially if you try and do it the “right” way vs the “easy” way (once in a while I try very hard) Raising three teens at the same time is downright heartbreaking for someone like me who delights in writing activities in agendas and ticking them off as they happen.

I decided I was wrong and I am not ready to write a book about teens specifically  yet. I need another year of failure behind me before I start judging yours dear readers.

2 blog posts on same day! I must really need to vent!

First (real) Job

Chase applied to two ski mountains to be a ski instructor and found out Friday night he was hired at both! Way to go Chase! Big accomplishment as not easy to get hired in this job as every teen and their brother wants these jobs as instructors. He has had tutoring jobs with the neighbor over the years but this is the first that is official. He chose the one our other two kids  ski at.

After years of investing in his lessons, skis, snowboards, certifications and memberships at Ski Mountains we are thrilled this is happening for him (and hopefully the other two will follow suit next year and the next).

It was a strategic decision thought up ago years ago on our part to encourage our teens (then young kids!) towards jobs at the hills . Many warned me not to get my hopes up and that likely we would do all this and he would choose another first job. But we were right-he wanted to be a ski instructor and so do Bear and Beauty so far anyways. It’s strategic bc it keeps the cottage as our weekend home base for a number more years and keeps those kids close to us.

It’s still super hard on the schedules as now we will need to bring two cars every weekend as often will need to be in two different places and hills at the same time with Beauty’s competitions and Chases schedules and Bear's pre-monitor training. Fridays they ski for the school so we often arrive at 12:30am!!! We will never ever get to sleep in all winter as they need to be at the mountains very early-and evenings will be full of homework and more rushed since he will be working both days on the weekend all winter.

But,..And the but is important and key-. It is way way better than him having a job in the city and us having to stay there or worse having to leave him home for the weekend. None of us are ready to say goodbye to our family cottage weekends. And this job? Makes sure of thatJ))

So today he was getting the uniform and meeting with his new boss and discussing his pay and schedule and given his availabilities for the cottage. He would call me and ask questions like “Am I here the 27th”? And although I had many questions myself on the details I held back and let him handle it a-z as it should be. He had one day he had invited his girlfriend to cottage and he had to make the choice to work that day or not. It’s his job and his decisions.

The pay is not that great-considering you have to be there 8:30-4pm and work a max of 5 hrs and likely only 1-2 for private lessons on some days unless they assign him a group right off the bat-we have to rent the ski suit and really for lots of time spent at the mountain-he I not  being paid for (like the job of lifeguards) .There are a lot of cons. But he also gets a free ski pass which is a pro and his confidence is high as it is considered one of the “coolest” jobs for a teen to have amongst his buddies –so he is proud and happy.

Last night it was fun watching hime try on his new monitor ski suit for the family and say how important he felt in a uniform. Pride and happiness and accomplishment and responsibility were written all over his face. It was really fun to see this side of him with a new job emerge. It isa whole new world for him of checking meail to see his schedule and going to bed earlier on the holidays in order to have energy the next day etc. We are having fun watching this new stage (and maybe not as much fun with all the driving  and early mornings during the supposed holidays!!!) All completely worth it though and so thrilled and relieved that his first job will be at the cottage as planned and hoped for!

His brother isn’t as thrilled. The two have been joined at the hip for years and freestyle ski  always together. They spend all the skiing time together, Chase will now have a job and a new gang of monitors to socialize with at lunch which will be important for his integration-but where does that leave Bear? He is sadL hard stage and hard to see our sweet middle son feel this separation as his older brother enters a new stage at 17 yrs old.

So today Beauty had two friends come over after competition and Chase wanted to drive the car full of all of us plus her two friends. And you know what? We said yes. A job. A learner’s permit (almost license) …the future is looking friendly for our little(big)guy. A first for him to drive a van full of kids but shows how good he is now and how confident we are in his driving abilities.

And then tonight we sat down and looked at the date for his girlfriend to come to cottage at the end of the holidays(he chose to negotiate schedule with job) –and true to his mom’s temperament he started to plan and look forward to this occasion “What will we eat? Can we play Pictionary and Spoons? Where will she sleep? Can she come and snuggle me on the couch at 9am when she gets up? Can we go in the Jacuzzi outside alone or does Beauty have to be with us? What are the rules? I loved that he thought of these things and asked me them. Sometimes they are hard questions to answer for parents -but more than anything I love that we are discussing these answers rather than fighting over them.

I loved his excitement over this first and every other first. I love that he is excited to bring the girl he cares for into our cottage life and excited about all the wonderful things this cottage life has to offer.

Today gave me a glimpse into the future with our older kids one day, driving, jobs, girlfriends and I felt proud that we are all looking forward to a lot of the same things. As our first son-these are all firsts for us and we are often sloppily navigating our way through these decisions-but today felt like whole new terrain we are all entering with his first real job and we felt our entire hearts spill over with pride.

Way to go Chase!!!

Text Junkie?

 

I got wind of my texting usage by seeing my mobility bill and it is much higher in the texting area than peers I am guessing. And that made me think a lot..and reflect and… even laugh a little.

Because it is funny. I am one of the most disciplined people I know when it comes to technology and setting limitations for myself and my family. I am also so technologically backwards and archaic (I have no Facebook, no Twitter, no instagram, NADA because I feel it takes away from my present life) My friends laugh at me all the time about this!!!

But clearly texting is my thing. And being connected is my thing too. So it all stared making sense.

I text a ton when the right moment presents itself. I have times when I text and times when I do not. It is a relaxation thing for me-I could literally send out 100 texts at 11pm at night in short conversations-that is how I do things “ Hi”  “How are you” I love you” Goodnight” Ping! Ping! Ping! And I adore this quick efficient communication of letting people know how much they are on my mind and finding out how much I am on theirs. Let’s just say unlimited texting packages are made for me bc one conversation could be 200 texts of one word each..I love it.

I am the queen of technogy “rules” for myself :

Though shalt not text at dinner ever

Though should not text when there are kids around in family time

Thou shall not text during working time when I need my focus unless in crisis or kids conversations afterschool to check in and have then nice cheerful texting conversation

Thou shalt  always text to take a break for 5 mins after a completion of a big project instead of getting coffee or a chocolate bar from vending making.

Thou shall pee and text simultaneously as needed.

Though shall cuddle thou husband for one hour in bed before connecting with anyone else

Thou shall never text during meetings or have phone on unless it is a hospital calling or someone is in surgery (you can see where my life has been lately!!!)

Thou shalt never ignore the person in front of you for texting

Thou shalt never ever waste a precious moment of life on /facebook, Twitter or Instargram until thou art retired or semi-retired.

I am also the queen of sounds and alerts off unless certain hours of day etc. for minimal distraction. I use my phone for everything. Contacts, notes, second computer screens, photos, agenda, calendars, sending emails. My phone is part of me…if it kept beeping to show me a new email or text I think I would shoot myself!!! So I tune all alerts and displays off and then go crazy at lunch in the stir fry line for 10 mins answering back. I love connecting in the stir fry line. Maybe a bit anti-social to my colleagues but I consider those 10 minutes of waiting my time. I feel I have earned it !

And it is funny to compare myself to others. Maybe others are not big texters but their alerts go off every second in meetings for their email and then answer i! Or during group lunch they email! Or they are on Twitter and Instagram throughout the day or the chat function! Everyone has their own patterns. Modern society has certainly complicated the world hasn’t it?

 

So it was funny to see what an extreme texter I am given all these rules for myself. It was to me a true paradox about myself. Tons of rules for myself..Tons of limitations…but also pure connectedness is very important to me. Productivity in life and Connected are probably the two areas that define me. Texting meets both of these purposes for me as quick and short but connected and frequent…and also allows me to be super productive in my life. Was an interesting epiphany for me.

And I saw how people can easily become addicted to technology if they don’t set limitations for themselves with devices. I saw it for 8 weeks between January and March where I lost control of my own rules for the first time. I was in such state of many personal crisis (three main ones and 2 minor inor ones all simultaneously) that in order to function I texted and texted so much. No boundaries, no rules. Alerts on and ping ping ping I would answer. I needed it like oxygen. I should have listened to my doctor and taken a month of work but I felt I could not do that-so I took the next best thing and had no rules for myself. I abandoned the me who is a perfectionist and so rigid with this stuff. And I kept all the balls in the air successfully. I delivered at work. Delivered at home..Indulged myself to massive comfort and connection. Did I deliver as well as the other months and years of my life? Probably not-but I did my very best. And I worked my ass off to keep these balls in the air…and keep connected. What got left behind were sleep and showers and shopping I would say. Sometimes I would work at night 1-4am! Sometimes I would text at 11am-12pm! It was all messed up those 8 weeks and although I needed it…I hated it an resented it. It was exhausting. Totally exhausting to be so connected with alerts and sounds one indicating the next new message. How does anyone do this long term???? I think during that time I even kept my phone pinging in the car!!!

 

Anyways as a few weeks ago although the things in my life that caused these crisis..are still there…I am in a different place about them now. Thanks God and I am back to my normal ritualized, rule ridden, strict but connected self.

 

I got both great surprise and great pleasure by seeing how much I text. It confirmed to me that I am where I want to be. With not one part of my life sacrificing the other. Delivering..Career woman… high performer ..wife..mom..friend,,,daughter. Delivering and Connecting. What I would want to be known for and respected for when it all comes down to it. Work Hard. Play Hard.

Being able to integrate it all in a way that makes sense. Under my own ritualized and watchful eye of self awareness

 

Digtital Distraction

I find myself very annoyed lately with the distraction that comes along with our technological society. And also very curious to learn more about this.

I find myself distracted.

I find myself quite distressed about the distraction of others.

I worry for the next generation. I worry for me too.

What has this world come to? Sometimes I feel sick as I sit on a bus or a train and watch myself others. All be alone. But together.

I have had a particularly hard week at work this week. Disappointing..emotionally- charged..Emotional…hard….stressful, changing, taxing, disappointing, challenging, odd, crazy. Exciting-challenging-adrenaline. All mixed up-just like me.

After a week like this I am even more annoyed by this digital distraction. I find it even one more level up there of sick. And I can’t point to what it is exactly-just a wide range of emotions about it that all come down to the same few elements in observing what we humans have become.

Basically after a week like I had this past week-I feel ready to bury my Iphone. I settle for hiding it out of my sight and checking it twice a day and not checking work emails at all on the weekend until Sunday night now. My blood pressure is high enough thank you very much.

We humans now:

We miss sunsets and don’t notice they are occurring because we are looking down on a train

We record and photograph sunsets because everything needs to be shared

We feel the need to share our thoughts on sunsets with others while it is happening

We can’t be alone in our thoughts anymore.

We are owned by companies with the invention of the smartphone. “Here now you are a Manager-here’s a gift-you can work for us 24-7!”Gee thanks. Thanks a lot. You have just ensured I will be divorced and not know my children.

What about digital free days? OMG they are amazing when shared with the right person. I had one last Monday and unintentionally too.. At my cottage with Soulkeeper. We talked and talked and walked for 3 hrs.and came back and soaked up the Jacuzzi and take again, ate and sat by fires. At one point we got lost in the forest and realized neither had brought out phones and decided just to figure it all out. At another point we wanted to capture a picture and realized the moments were too precious to interrupt and go find a camera…so we just remembered the moment and enjoyed it.

That day gave me an abundance of energy and spirit. I need more digital free days like that.

I love my smartphone just as much as the next person. I love writing on my blog and often reading the blogs of others. Internet is a fast way to find out info. However as soon as I feel my stress go up I realize quickly it must have something to do with my digital distraction or my annoyance of the habits of the distracted world around me. Or both.

To me the biggest favor we can do ourselves in lives is to limit this crazy world of tweets and instragram and facebook and texts to when it  mattersand relaxes us and not as a constant and ever there companion. To use it for us and not let it use us all up. To unplug as least as much as we plug in.

And to stand up for our rights to not be connected all day everyday every hour for companies who would not even pause for a moment if we were to disappear. Where we would be replaced in a millisecond if we left or were let go.

Understand this well: no company will ever give your eulogy.

As I sit here at the cottage with my three children and husband after 6 weeks of not all being at the cottage at the same time and missing it like crazy…I am keenly aware of our alones and our togetherness. We sit here united bantering back and forth. Me writing my blog, the Ipad being shifted back and forth while linkdon profiles are viewed and laughed at. Music is on too-popcorn eaten. The kids are asking to watch the second half of a documentary we started this week on family night on the overt sexualiazation of woman in the media (I thought it was the subjects my kids were interested in but apparently it is the boobs.)

The very fact that I am here with them in this beautiful room with the fire writing this blog about it all confuses me. Is it bad? Is it good? Does it enrich my life or deplete my life? Or is it somewhere in between the both-a perfect shade of gray?

Has the definition of “being present” changed with the changing times. Has the new millennium redefined it?

I realize though all of this how technology is such a big part of our lives and even thought part of it takes our time and lives away-part of it enhances it too. Sometimes we crave the old fashionedness of the olden days and other times we are thankful for the lessons we can learn through this amazing speed of technology.

I crave it and I resent it. Both equally and both at once.

In hinders my life and helps it. Together.

I feel more social and connected and more alone than I have ever felt in my life.

I sit here by the fire and look at my little crazies and relish in the craziness of it all.

Of what this world has become and what it is becoming.

And thankful for the awareness that I have around this subject-for this in itself…………is one step ahead of those blissfully ignorant many who have no idea likely of how digitally distracted they truly are. And have no idea at all if they even want to be. Simply because they have never stopped to ponder it.

All I know is that above all after a week like the one I had this week….I am so very very grateful for the night I had tonight. Unplugged and plugged digitally and surrounded by the ones I love. One of the biggest benefits for me of having a very demanding job with often a lot of stress…..it that it makes me appreciate the times I don’ have stress and push it all away. Enjoy the calm of the ocean. Enjoy the cracking fire…admire the sunsets…..all because I know my Monday-Friday has very few of these serene quiet moments in them.

Stress and work demand that I be able to stay in the present on weekends…that I revitalize and be able to recover to be fresh for the week ahead,

Life needs to be a series of sprints vs. a lifetime of marathons. And when you are sprinting each and every week…recovery on the weekends is vital.

Even more vital is recovery without being digitally distracted.

 

                

Inviting Chaos

It was funny the other night when we were out at a restaurant with 16 others there was one friend who had one son. The rest of us had anywhere from 2-4 kids each. She was observing that 6 h. evening a lot and turned to us and said at the end of it:

Why did you all invite chaos into your lives exactly?

We all thought it was hilarious as of course we totally got what she meant, we also realized that she had no clue how wonderful how that chaos could be. But most of us understood exactly what she was talking about as we ask ourselves that question many a time going to sleep at night.

There she was all evening with her one little son. Quite calm and quite obedient. Completely in tune with her son’s feelings, needs, reactions, wants. Snuggling him at every moment she got, him coming towards her for extra hugs. Politely asking for an extra soda and getting it.

And there we all were without 2, 3 or 4 kids and just basically juggling balls in the chaotic air surrounding us. We actually all thought the evening was calm and marvelous, but for her she thought it was a circus! Drinks spilling, interrupting, no money for extra soda, no time for tuning in.

At one point on the boat we played a game with the kids and asked them to each choose one word that describes their Dads and then their Moms. All the Dads got “Cool, fun, easy, not strict, and laughing.

Four Moms got the following words:

Organized

Strict

Tired

Nagger.

 

The Mom with the only child got: snuggly.

 

How cute!!!!

We all laughed all night about this (including her)

She said she becomes way less snuggly and calm when she and her son do play dates with other Moms. All the sudden her kid starts jumping and wrestling, and talking back and not listening. All the sudden she starts screaming, and nagging and ordering them to be quiet and stop fighting. She asked us if it is like this for us every day?

We all answered yes. Our kids love each other, get along, play together, but it’s a different life. You juggle many needs and not just one set. You sacrifice more…and play less…you clean more and snuggle less. You have way way less money and way less time.

But you get more love too. And you give more love.

Both situations are equally beautiful and equally authentic.

I remember as a kid I was an only child 5 days a week and then my two half-brothers on the weekend and often my young Uncle and Aunt too. The weekend had no similarity to the weeks. None at all. My Mom and I during the week used to quietly lie together in her bed and chat about the day. On weekends I barely spoke to her

I currently at work have two colleagues that both just gave birth to their second children with 2 yrs. olds at home. The big question they have emailed a few times to this “so called parenting expert” is:

Does it get easier?

My answer:

Not at all. Never. If anything it gets harder.

But you get used to it. And easy is fairly overrated. There are other things in life to covet than calm and peace. If you don’t expect one to be anything like two..and you are a master of ways to manage chaos..you will do just fine my dears and roll with the punches. And then when you get comfortable-you will  like it all so much that  you will likely move onto number three.

(That being said we did not convince our dinner friend to move over to our territories. She said she likes peace and calm very much and was very very content to be described as snugglyJ

What is Different?

Moments of sun shining upon your cheeks as you look up toward the sky at a picnic table during two ski competitions

Noticing your kids across the waterpark noticing you noticing them

A walk to the beautiful stream without a picture

A long telephone conversation with your Mom curled up on your favorite cushy chair looking at the snowflakes falling

Listening to the kids and their conversations in the car and which girls and boy they like

Letting your mind wander to where it needs to go

Sleeping in until 9:55am.

Reading a great book as you wake up

Hardly a video or a picture-enjoying moments in the present tense

Going to the grocery store for that day's meal in particular

Blogging when you feel like it

Making time for family moments every day that create memories

Not being aware of what is going wrong or right in your friend’s lives

Making homemade soup and freezing some for your Mom’s upcoming surgery

Looking through Avon catalogues and ordering cheap lipsticks

Taking long showers and using your travel conditioners to remind you of the beach

Washing your hair to a silky shine everyday.

Taking time to figure out what is wrong –or right

Dreaming into the future

Accepting change and adapting well

Playing it by ear

Planning to sell your home in 10 years

Waiting for her slow smile

Reading his texts and laughing to you how cute they are

Dreaming of his future

Not knowing who your news boss will be

Not knowing if your bonus went into your account

Having no clue who sent you what dumb joke

Looking outside towards nature

Not knowing how much the renovations will cost

Not caring

Giving them this time for them

Giving you this time for you

Cherishing the beauty of not knowing and not caring

Carefully remaining in the dark

What is missing? Have you guessed me yet?

It is being on vacation at the cottage for a week and not checking business or personal email not even once until the very last day before it all ends and reality sets back it. For both of us. A pact. A promise we made and kept.

Hard, Difficult habit to break. It has been heavenly

Don’t worry reality waits around the corner ready to take hold of us again soon

Tonight is our last night to have not a worry in the world

We will soak in every last precious moment.

 

Plain old Yummy

I am a really cheap date.

I think my all-time favorite meal in the world is bought from a depanneur:

Shish taouk sandwich with extra turnips

Diet iced tea

(on really special occasions small vanilla treat from cupcake store in village with pink icing)

So today I indulged as worked from home so powerwalked to village, ate by lake (cupcake replaced by apple) and powerwalked back.

That simple meal is so yummy I would even consider running there to get it if I had too.

Sometimes life’s smallest pleasures are the greatest.

 

(PS-I know this is a very boring post). I hope my next hobby does not become Twitter. Pls shoot me if my blogs stay this uneventful?

Angels over the Years

(sorry for typos-no time to edit today)

I started thinking back this morning to all the wonderful and not so wonderful people we have had working in our home over the years, ensuring that while we are at work-our home is taken care of.

When the kids were younger, I travelled more for my work and my job has often held as part of it a host of local and not so local offsite dinners and evenings with its peak a few years back that lasted about three years.

My husband takes time off..but for vacation only. Rarely for other reasons. When I am away or at work, it is others and not him who come to our homes and kid’s rescue.

We never had a nanny . We have always had housekeepers 1-1.5 days per week and then my Mom over the last number of years taking the kids to their activities, doing errands and managing our home in a lot of way. The work she does for us deserves another future post of it’s own.

This one is about our housekeepers…often referred to as angels who have saved us from starving over the years. Laundry, meals, preparations for meals for guests on the weekend. Cleaning, dusting, ordering groceries. Picking up the kids if needed and helping them to grow into responsible young adults by chastising them to make their beds and put  their clothes in the hamper. Watching over them in summer when they are home and feeding them lunches. Always within that day and a half..but a lot gets done over 12 hours if the delegation is done properly.

We started off with an angel..and have an angel now but in between….,my word there were some strange ladies! (and man)

 Our first angel was an older, very bossy lady who has strong opinions, the body of an ox and a heart of gold. She cleaned and cleaned and cooked us stews and ironed and  my brought my Hubby’s underwear more than once home to sew up any holes. She nurtures and loved our children and sent them money at Easter and their birthdays for years after she retired. She loved our family as her own…and we loved her too…although part of her scared us too…she was one overpowering lady. More than anything-she was wonderful and my children were adored.

So what that she never followed instructions? So what if our food was made with heavy cream and heart attack inducing? So what if she took it upon herself to put our handmade Italian blinds through the laundry machine and shrunk many good shirts? She loved us more than life and was with us for many of our kid’s formative years. She was a keeper. And then she had to retire. We still keep in touch. My husband calls her every year on her birthday.

Between that angel and today’s angel…we were not as lucky. We had one of the worst housekeepers humanly possible for a year who I think truly hated us and our children. Her idea of a meal was a big ham, with no sauce on it, no gravy, no veggies, no potatoes and no plates, with a big fork in it in the middle of the table. Hard as rock and tasteless –this was her act of love. She hated our home and her job…..and we did not feel very favorably towards her either. None shed a single tear the day she left.

 We had another lovely couple come and tend to our home that were very odd. Their cleaning was amazing but I never trusted them. I let them go when 2000$ was stolen in cash that was left in an envelope of the renovation guy. To this day we don’t know if it was them who took it or the people doing renovations. I tried not to let their appearances intimidate me over the years-they were massive people. Between them maybe 15 feet tall and 750 pounds..of pure muscle. They were like two giraffes…they scared me a lot (and scared the kids). They never smiled much.

 A couple of good and sweet cleaners in between. Can’t really remember them much.shows how long that lasted.

Then SHE came along about 5 years ago and is truly our angel. She makes the best meals you have ever tasted..it’s like a personal chef. She can whip up muffins from anything in your fridge and prepare a dinner party in a couple of hours. She is kind, gentle, interesting and adoring. She waits for the kids to come home afterschool because she loves talking to them about rodeos and hockey. She loves sleeping over when we go away in winter as she loves spending time with the children and they love her too. She is discreet, sweet and wonderful.

Her laundry and cooking are perfect. Her housecleaning is good…but won’t have our house sparkle as if a team came in and cleaned it..but I prefer that sparkle in my laundry, my food and her smile. We are all different in what is important to us and she is the perfect fit for our family... I think I would dig a hole and bury myself in it the day she leaves our family. To me she is simply not replaceable. She is wonderful for our family and for our needs. She very rarely has missed a Tuesday or Thursday afternoon all of these years and I thank god for her dependability and reliability.

 So although often we are at work…….we have a system that works for us with the angels that have cared for our home. It’s a load of work to delegate properly, but much easier than doing it ourselves! It’s worth all the money I dish out for these services for the peace of mind and the hearty meals on my table twice a week.

Add my Mom in there a few afternoons a week and I have a really win win situation going on that I thank God for every day. I am a career woman that is certain, but I have never, ever wanted my kids to be subject to my choices. I wanted to give them a partial stay at home mom feeling and I think they have always had it. And this makes me happy. I feel like our plan worked and the kids are reaping the benefits.

So to all those who have taken care of us at home a huge thank you for the peace you provide me. And even to those who took a ham out of the freezer and stuck it on my table….you taught me what I could not tolerate and made me select with more care the next time. It is because of you…that I have an angel in my home now. You..led me to HER.

Are you Kidding Me??

This expression ran through my mind a lot last week. I almost said it out loud a few times but held back.

In the stir-fry line at work, on my way home, in line at a restaurant, I asked other people about their vacation plans and many said “ Well I was going to take next week off, or the next, but work is too busy..so I think I will cancel. My spouse is going to kill me”.

With the risk of offending anyone reading this blog…this is how strongly I feel about this:

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Get a life! 

(no offense I often say this to the people I care most about) Sometimes a serious wake up call is in order.

And it was not one person who said this to me but many. And it was as if they expected me to look at them and say” Wow..you really are a hero”.

Personally I think it is a pathetic way to function. If I cancelled my vacation every time I had a pile of work to be done on my desk, or when an important meeting was being held, or someone preferred I not take vacation at all…I would barely know my three children. I would go nowhere. I would always be at work. I would live there.

There is always a reason to cancel vacation. But you don’t.

It has been nineteen years my husband and I have been together (16 married) and not once have we cancelled a vacation week, weeks or even a day. And we both have very big and demanding jobs. My husband runs his own legal office and has a zillion clients and not once has he cancelled a vacation. He has had clients bitch and scream, and almost threaten him that he will be off for 3 weeks in summer……but this does not faze him. We come first. For those precious three weeks anyway.

And at my work, there is always a million and one reasons that come up that make it hard to take vacation, but I choose not to reprioritize my life based on factors I cannot control. I am not indispensable, I can delegate, I can shift projects and I can bear to miss important visits and meetings. Because if I did not…I would never take vacation, and that is just plan mean to my family.

So yes we protect our time and we always have. On vacation we are less apt to use our email or our phones, we rarely check emails for work and when we do we make sure that it is because it energizes us (me!!) and not depletes us (him!!). But we are careful with our time and our energies.

We try to lessen our to do lists..and our responsibilities and use our free time for each other and our children. For spontaneous cuddles and chats and watching movies and swimming. We protect our time fiercely.

My Mom even said to me last night that she needed to call Hubby to ask him how to use DVD player at our house and she could sense my hesitation (just want to talk to her for pleasure and not use mine or hubby's head in this time)…..it’s as if these weeks are a rare gift and I want to savor every moment. My husband is the same he is annoyed by going to buy more milk when we run out or having our guy who cuts our grass call and want to be paid during these precious times…It’s extreme I know and ridiculous and over the top (of course we can help my Mom with the DVD player with pleasure!!) but just shows how busy we are the rest of the year. How demanding our life is ..and how instead of escaping to Bora Bora..we escape to here in our own way which is harder because we are around. How we demand that all we do in those weeks……are for enjoyment. So opposite our real lives.

No one is ever going to hand you these moments on a silver platter..it’s up to you to carve them out for your spouse and for your kids. To make time to be fully theirs right?

One of my clients asked me the other day what I thought was a n indicator of marriages not working out…what I have seen and witnessed over the years. My answer?  If by February you have not planned as a couple your summer vacations as a couple or a family….it is not looking too good for your long term marriage I am afraid.

Couples and families who stay together..play together I firmly believe. And work hard play hard is a double edged sword there are two sides. If you don’t have the energy and will to plan your precious time off……it’s not looking good baby.

And that is what I think on this subject. Strongly as you can see.

People who cancel their vacations outside of huge family and personal and health emergencies annoy me to no end. Or unless they are a President or a VP and  work for a company where in their roles vacations are not expected in the first place;  if that is what they choose and signed up for then that is fine by me.  Just dont say you are taking vacation and don't unless you have a damn good reason....

If even one single person reads this blog and decides not to cancel their vacation..I will be pleased as punchJ

Remember at your funeral it’s your family that cries and gets up and talks about you…not the employee in the next office. Give that family and friends your time and your heart.  Second chances don’t always happen.