To Busy to Breathe?

One thing I absolutely adore about being on vacation:

Is getting a vacation from having to endure everyone around me telling everyone how busy they are every moment of the day.

And trust me I am not judging around this. It is a fact of life I know and something we all do. I personally do it all the time-even though it annoys the hell out of me and even though I try very deliberately not to do it.

Being busy is a safe haven. Telling others how busy you are –is almost a type of cult I have noticed. I tend to belong to this cult as often as the next gal.

That’s why I love being on vacation. I love taking a vacation from this part of society and this part of myself.

On vacation, down south as I am now beside the sparkling Caribbean seas-it is quite rare to see someone and say:

“How are you?”

“Very, very busy”.

Somehow it is just not as believable when the person is in a bikini, with a drink in their hand, sand in their hair and deciding if they should go suntan at the beach or pool.

I have a very unique relationship with busyness personally. I am extremely busy and stressed most days of the year-but I find it quite embarrassing to admit it. I find it makes me seem less successful. I don’t wear busyness as a badge of honor as many people around me do……I don’t think of it as attractive.

At the office if I look like a truck ran over me from staying up all night, or I barely have time to notice the new picture of someone’s child on their desk or ask them about their recent holidays….I am deeply not proud of these episodes.

When I seem bothered, or stressed, or constantly on the run…I am embarrassed about it. I feel less effective as in why could you not get your work done in a reasonable amount of time? Are you a slowpoke??

I am just tired of hearing “You have no idea of how busy I am!!

Trust me I do. I get it completely.

I have 3 demanding kids, two homes to take care of, I work for a high performing company and have my own business, and my husband has a career where he is not home before 10:30pm at least 2 nights a week and we both have a massive workload.  We entertain a ton and host family and friends regularly.

That being said, we chose all this stuff and all these careers, and decided to have all these babies and entertain all these friends. We did these ourselves. And most of the time we absolutely love our lives.

When things get super busy we always have choices to make. We could give up out cottage, I could not coach extra clients, my husband could make less money, and we could cancel X-mas at our house. 

I find it fascinating to watch around me though how so many people feel that they have no control over their own lives. As though it is there life (and not them) who choses never to take a vacation, never to hire a sitter and have a date night with their partner, never to put makeup on, never to watch a favorite TV show and never to have time to host a dinner party.

But…some of these same people have tremendous time to line up their soup cans in alphabetical order, have floors so clean you could eat off of them and have perfectly manicured nails that they have professionally done three times per week.  

Are these choices any better or worse than the choices I have made in my life?? Absolutely not….they are individual preferences. The difference is when it comes to owning these choices and priorities. The realizations that by making a certain choice you may be sacrificing on another level. Those super clean floors might mean less date nights (or a whole bunch of at home date night on the kitchen floor perhaps??) Or that having a second home might mean less order in general in both of them. You have to be willing to accept the consequences of your decisions. Stand up and own them instead of using “I am so busy” as a constant excuse. Stop and examine what exactly you are so busy doing?

At work it especially irks me when people talk about how busy they are all the time. I mean aren’t be supposed to be busy there? What kind of job would we have if we got to sit around and get paid for surfing the net or manicuring our nails in the washrooms? Aren’t we paid the big buck to produce, deliver and tolerate higher levels of stress? For me it’s about work ethic….and realizing that we own our own career. If we sincerely feel we have too much to handle then it is up to us to figure it out and find solution. To manage our workloads and our projects.

No one in business if going to come and say to us “Gee Jane-you sure so look tired these days-can I help lessen your load” Business is business. There is a bottom line to consider. There are profits to be made. Even if it is a business that really cares (like the awesome one I  work for) it is still up to me and not up to them to holler if I am in need. And it is my job not just to holler and complain but to come up with solutions to these problems and prove to them that these solutions are effective.

I am all about win- win solutions. They feel good. I feel good. Win and win. No one has to lose at all do they?

And don’t even get me started about the home front either…..especially people with babies who often say they cannot take a shower they are so busy. I mean seriously….what is wrong with putting your baby in  a little chair beside your shower and letting them wail their lungs out for 10 minutes while you lather up?

Trust me I know I sound harsh on this one but the basis of the type of coaching I do is all about prioritization and understanding that we make choices in life and are accountable for these choices. True success comes from living life by our values and making deliberate choices that we can stand by and feel good about.

Often the teacher is also the student right? In my own case this applies to me. I might always have time to take a shower having endured three wailing babies over the years, but there are other areas of life where I am totally lame and aggravate myself from my own complaining. I hate the sound of my voice whining to others that I am too busy to exercise 3 times a week or to take the time to tuck my kids in properly every night.

As much as I try I seem to be too busy to exercise on a regular and consistent basis, I seem to be too busy to cook, I seem to be too busy to cut up celery with peanut butter for my snacks at work and revert to easy granola bars. I may be really good in some areas but I severely suck in others. I need to fix this. Quickly.

My poor mother, because she works in or home a few days a week gets to see the lovely “I am soooo busy side of me “ too often. Haggard, distraught, stressed, complaining, bitchy. Party because she loves me unconditionally  and I feel I can act this way and partly because she happens to be at home during the “witching hour “when I take about 30 monstrous minutes to truly successfully transition from my work like to home life.

Unfortunately for her and me..she usually has to leave right before the 29 minutes right about when I come down the stairs, with a bit of lip-gloss on, a bigger smile, in my PJs ready to conquer the second part of evening shift. Those 30 minutes in between however are frightening on many days and probably why the smart people head straight for the drinks to minimize the impact  of the nasty transition from work to home.

So as I sat here on the gorgeous beach today and chit chatted with a bunch of other vacationers throughout the day..I realized that I don’t miss hearing “I am crazybusy”  in response to  a simple“how are you?”

Makes me think that I need to start asking another question when I call people on the phone or walk by their offices. Something that focus less on busyness and more on happiness. Less on circumstances and more on choices.

 Maybe we are due for a change in society? Maybe the worldwide “How are you” …..needs to be replaced by something else universally that provides, happier, more accountable, more uplifting and more joyous responses?

I will have to give that some serious thought. And here away from blackberries, deadlines, business, busyness and everything else-I have all the time in the world to ponder.

I am excited to see what I come up with. Could be a revolution.

14 Things I love about (this) Vacation (since we are here 14 luxurious days)

1-Reading. Reading .Reading. I brought 15 books just for me! 12 are hardcover and take up a half of suitcase. You might wonder why I don’t change over to I-Reader?  I am a good old-fashioned girl when it comes to books. Love turning the real page :)

2-Wearing no makeup and not doing my hair. Au natural is so liberating. My husband prefers me like this anyways- so win-win.

3-Just having literally nothing to do and nothing to accomplish. The only real commitments we have during this vacation are to play tennis at least twice since the gear took up another half of a suitcase.And I need to work likely about 13 hours-but that is fine because I know it will make my first day back to work better and more relaxed if I have my projects done (and everybody knows I secretly love working anyways).

4-Waking up in the morning, looking at the clock and going back to sleep. This one should be number one. Our routine on this vacation is to wake up at 7am, lazily turn over, grab the other one out of bed and sleepily make it to the bed outside on the balcony over -looking the ocean and listen to the waves lapping during the next 1.5 hrs of sleep.

5-Walking on the beach holding hands (I know it sounds like a romance novel-but I like it and it is sweet).

6-Watching other people get married on the beach. I always cry and I only care about one part of the wedding: when the parents give the bride away-touches me and my hubby so profoundly that moment. Today we nearly lost it when the Mom and Dad walked the groom down the aisle ands gave him away. OMG....Chase and Bear ,we decided we only pay your weddings if we get to do that too.

7-Eating whatever I want and not being mindful. I like listening to my hunger signs and giving into them without setting rules for myself. Funny thing is last couple of vacations I have felt like I ate so much and did not gain an ounce. Might be something there..Maybe I have screwed up my metabolism over the last years and I need to eat more??? Wishful thinking!

8-Hanging out uninterrupted with my Protector. We never seem to run out of things to say and we barely talk to anyone else. I feel blessed we get along so well after all these years and don’t run out of things to talk about or enjoy together.

9-Being disconnected. From the Good, the Bad and everything in between. I cherish technology breaks and hubby does as much as I do.  I adore texting, email, and messages but need a break here and there to really just take it easy and disconnect from the hussle of life.. Neither of us will check our work email for two weeks or our personal email either. Rules are I get to work a couple of days but no email. We will Skype our kids twice during the vacation or get on email to chat and then log off.

10-Swimming in the ocean. It is not called “Turquoise” here for nothing. I have honestly never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I cannot imagine going to any other beach in the world and getting the pleasure from the water I do here. Nothing has ever compared.

11-The gift of Time. Time to think. Time in the shower. Time to daydream. Time to wonder. Time to blog!

12: Being able to plan our renovations, our travels, our goals, our futures and our wants from life. Travelling for us is always and opportunity to review, realign, make changes and readjust. We already made a list today of what we want to solve on this vacation and figured out one bucket today-our trips for the next 3 years. Yay.

13- Listening to the waves outside on our balcony in the morning and at night. There is no sweeter sound to me than the ocean. I honestly should have been a mermaid. Water has the effect on me most feel from a stiff good drink.

14-Seeing my sweet husband so happy and relaxed. He deserves it so much, He works so much, he takes on so much and he deals with so much everyday. I love seeing him so happy with his martini in hand, on the balcony, in a pair of boxers without a care in the world. It makes me tremendously happy to know that he is:) As I write this now he is out on the balcony, listening to the waves in the hands of  a beautiful woman............... Now don't get all excited now...she is the masseuse we hired for a few massages during our stay. My turn next. Indulgence.

Natural Beauty

(I have no time to write a blog tonight-but this situation really struck me today. It is short and sweet..)

There I was at the nails place getting a pedicure done for my upcoming vacation and I see two girls chatting getting their manicures done.

They were strangers and had noticed each other at the salon and hit it off and started having a big conversation, and exchanging phone numbers and calling their boyfriends and telling them that they had each met a new friend while there.

They seemed to really, really get along.

They kept saying to eachother how similar they were and how much they had in common ( well at least as much as one could decipher in 5 minutes that is!)

What was interesting from the outside is how I thought  how both of these girls were polar opposites as far as I was concerned.

Both would have been considered from society as very attractive. Much more attractive than average; but two totally different looks.

What impacted me about this situation is how much more fond of one type of beauty I am than the other. I am almost prejudiced about the other type of beauty-it annoys me!.

Beauty number 1 was tall and had platinum blond hair with long extensions, False eyelashes caked with makeup, red lipstick, fake boobs and was wearing “causal clothes” with high high boots. Her nails that she gets done 3 times per week she said were longer than my little finger. She worse a fur vest over her track suit and showed huge cleavage.

She went out to smoke cigarettes three times during a span of 15 minutes.

Beauty number 2 had just come from a school soccer game where she was on the team. Hair up in a ponytail with a sparkly headband to push her sweaty hair off her sweaty face. Short, shorts making visible a set of gorgeous and sculpted and athletic limbs. Little hoody with the hood worn over her head in the rain. Not a stitch of makeup. Cross trainers on her feet. Gorgeous and expensive purse and wallet and tasteful french manicure with short, square nails. Her eyes sparkled and her hair shone.

I am convinced if I gotten closer she would have smelled like baby powder.

Fresh faced and beautiful she was. I realized in that moment how much more I relate to the second girl. How much more inspired I am by her. How much more beautiful I think she is.

She did not need a single thing except for her smile, her happy eyes and a whole lot of confidence (ok her hot body helped!)

I pray my daughter one day has the confidence and self assurance as beauty number 2. I think in reality I was looking at her so closely and appreciated her because she reminded me of my own daughter in so many ways…freshly scrubbed and wholesome. Shining from the inside out.

I found it strange from the outside to look in on this conversation and wonder what these girls actually had in common? It was not for me to judge. Only to wonder.

I felt sorry for Beauty number 1. I felt sorry for all the energy that went into her look that I thought was utterly wasted. I felt sorry for her that her time was spent in a nail salon as opposed to a soccer field. I felt sorry for her that likely someone along the way in her life had mad her feel that without a pile of makeup-she was not worthy or beautiful at all.

I had to stop myself from getting up and putting a cold facecloth in her face full of Nivea Cream and rubbing off her layers to see what was underneath it all.

I am sure she was indeed very lovely.

I am so thankful in my own life and in my daughter’s life too…..that we do not feel compelled to wear an extra layer and shield ourselves from our naturalness. I feel happy that people love us and appreciate us for our smiles, our sparkles and for the bodies that hold us up every day.
I feel blessed that both she and I in a heartbeat would choose quality time with others and experiences over long episodes of nails, makeup and long sessions of hair of nails. We choose life. (So far that is- let’s see when my own little  Beauty is 5 yrs older!!!!)

And not to say that I am against taking time to look attractive…..I have spent more than a fair share on blow-dries; highlights and lip gloss so don’t get me wrong. I love clothing and buy a lot of it.  I believe in looking your best. But naturally.
I would not give a second thought to walking out my door, hair in ponytail, a coat of lip-gloss on my lips and a tracksuit (or pyjamas for that matter!) and hitting the grocery store.

For work I have to look more polished for sure-but my regimen is 15 minutes maximum. I feel like I would die of boredom if it was longer than that. What’s the point anyways????? If you can’t fix it in 15 minutes then why bother?

I became very thankful for the big joke that my husband has with all of our couple friends that they all tease me about where he says “She does not need any new clothes, or purses, or shoes. She is a natural beauty!!”

Thank you hubby. After today I will take that as the highest complimentJ I know the underlying message to me-is to stop spending money, but still I think that you and I are on the same page when it comes to beauty.

You can dress her up all you want. Real beauty is much, much more complicated than a long pair of nails and a fake pair of eyelashes. True beauty is a combination of everything you naturally have……and your positive attitude toward it. You have to appreciate yourself inside and out to have others appreciate you too. Start with yourself-the rest will follow.

The Only Thing that Heals the (happy or sad) Heart is Time

When we moved from our old cottage to our new one, less than one year ago, I literally thought our hearts might break. I was so incredibly worried about my husband especially that I felt I may have done wrong in encouraging us to leave. His sadness, loneliness and depression over this move seemed more than I could handle. We felt hopeless, distraught and truly sad. Our bank accounts were emptied out. We felt like we had lost total control.

What was incredibly crazy is that we were surrounded by beauty, by luxury, by liberty of choice, by the empowerment of a choice that we had made mostly together nonetheless. We moved to a cottage that by most people’s standards would have been a dream.

We could only see happiness through other people's eyes as they visited the new cottage. And bless those friends who decided to make a big old fashioned fuss over it all. They saved our souls  during those visits. We got to see-what others saw. We got to feel happy through them.

Sitting here as I am now, in front of our newly installed fireplace, my husband and daughter in the kitchen happily cooking a delicious meal as I write this, music blaring, and a martini in my husband’s happy hand….. we are feeling all very different  now. We feel truly and utterly over the moon with happiness.

The only things between the sad time and this happy one are……time. We needed to experience all the stages and feel all of the things to get us here. There was  simply no way to skip those phases-we needed to go through them.

At the time of this transition-I felt tremendous guilt and also alientation  mostly because I knew most around us could not at all understand this blanket of sadness around us that enveloped us every moment for so long. It of course seemed like such a happy time-since we had bought this gorgeous new cottage!  What could we possibly have to complain about?? Most could not understand. We did not understand. I felt so guilty for complaining about….heaven really. Regretting what we had free will to choose and chose to reject.

There is a reason that moving is right up there on the list of lives biggest stresses along with death and divorce. I remember as a kid using this “Stress List” for a project in school and even as young as 14 yrs old questioning why moving would be such a big deal. I mean clearly death is. But moving???

Trust me, even now I would take moving every day of the week over death. And moving over divorce too. And I would take divorce over death. But I still really comprehend why moving is so stressful and sad and has its place on that list. I understand now that on that list are not only negative things ,positive things have their place in stress too.

For us we left a family cottage that had been in my husband’s family for generations. He built the newly renovated winterized version with his own two hands; he poured love into the place. He grew up there, his mother loved him there, and he ate bagels and made pies there every weekend. He spent summers there lifting up his girl neighbor’s shirt! He knew every corner of that lake far better than he knew his job or his own body. He lived breathed that place for so darn long.

Once I joined the scene 17 yrs ago-we raised our babies there. Our kid’s lives were there since the moment they came into this world. We lived there with our first newborn during the Quebec ice storm. We made pizzas there. We fought there, we made up there, and we grew up together there as adults and parents. We almost lost each other there more than once. My husband almost lost his life there when a tree fell down inches away from him and crashed the sailboat as opposed to his skull there. We ate many, many creamed filled donuts there.

When we left there, my Protector left people too. He experienced it like death in many ways as that is where he felt he left his mother and father who had died years before. He left their memories there all alone. He divorced his ties in many ways it felt to the life he had known, to his sister and her family who still stayed there. He buried a part of himself there along with his dad’s ponytail and our kid’s umbilical cords in the garden trees. He was the leaver. He left it all.

He left it all.. for the potential of something better. The promise of a future that was always meant to be ours. He left it for the unknown-for the deep black hole of ambiguity.  He left it on an intellectual basis but was tied to it emotionally. He left good for good. He left something he loved in hope that he would love the next one. I imagine it felt like divorce to him in a lot of ways. I can understand why.

As we sit here now. I cannot even begin to tell you how truly happy and blessed we feel now at Trent.  We love the leaves here. We love the long walks. We know how to work the jacuzzi and we understand how the water well works. We know  how to turn on the TV and we know where we store our flashlights. We have a place for our slippers and a name for every room. Our antique oven is with is. His Dad’s chair is in our livingroom. We have a round table to eat at now again.

Our perfect candle is lit at every meal-becase everyone knows that cottage food just tastes better when you have that candle on.  

Our fireplace is installed and my daughter wears a chef hat to cook. We have time to cook and to watch a movie and we know people’s names around here. We finally finished unpacking and have lamps to read with behind our chairs.
We get people to write on corks sweet messages when they drink wine at our house and we have a special calendar to circle the next day we look forward to back up at Trent. We have homemade  rocks for goodness sakes to hold napkins down-that were made for us. We have special personalized pillows and frames and beautiful quotes hanging on our walls. We have traditons there.

We have love again.

We love our beds and the view of the water. Water has found its way back into our hearts. Merci Beaucoup!

So like I said, I would take moving any day over death….but I am also grateful to have gone though this experience to know that the grieving process is a long one whether that be for death, for divorce, for moving or for anything really that involves a sense of loss, sadness and creates stress for you. Sometimes grieving is for things that are sad (like death) and sometimes they are things that end up happy (like us moving).

What this experience has taught me is to believe that the only way to get from where we were then.. to where we are now-is to simply let the days between those two places happen and to allow ourselves to feel them. It actually doesn’t matter who understands or does not understand. It’s only ourselves that we have control over. And when it feels like things are spinning out of control we have to trust that we will end up in the driver’s seat again with clear vision at some point again in the future.

We will always get happiness back somehow. We can always claim it.  We covet it, need it and deserve it so it always finds its way back if we want it bad enough.

If we want happiness –we will find it. In this family we won’t sit around waiting for it to find us that is for sure.

We are desperately, hopelessly in love with Trent. Phew. What a relief. Music to my ears. Glad I did not give up on us. Glad I waited and survived.

Onto the next big project for us! Hmmmm..what shall it be?

FAQ-Hitting the Books!

FAQ-What about academics? What is the best way to ensure our kids do well in school? Should we push them to get good marks?

My answer would be yes. You should push them.

Academic success is a person’s ticket to success in the world in a lot of ways. If they don’t have that ticket- life can be a lot tougher for them.

My view is that with good education and good success academically –they at least have the choice in the future. The choice is theirs to exercise the right of their education or not-but at least the choice is there.

In terms of marks-my view is that the actual marks are not as important as the quality of education. I think there is big difference in the types of education schools offer and carful consideration should be given to where your child attends school.

I would argue that there is a school for each kid’s needs and it is not a “one size fits all” decision. There is a school for every child.

I am aware that in different provinces, countries etc..the educational systems are very different.

Here in Quebec, we have tremendous choices and choosing, especially a high school, for child is often a life changing decision...

In term of marks-I am a firm believer that it is not necessarily the marks that are important but the academic support and “pushing” from home. I think academics are an area that we can not just let happen. We need to intervene to ensure that our kids are realizing their full potentials.

Those potentials may differ very greatly from child to child. For one it might be all 60’s and for another 95’s …but the effort needs to be there for all of them in the same way and pushed to it’s full potential.

A 60% child I believe should still be pushed in the same way (and rewarded) for efforts as the kid with 90%.

Too often parents give up on the child with the lower marks..and both self confidence and self image are affected as well as overall ability to reach his or her full potential in the future.

In my household, and I refer this system to a lot of clients too, we have a “Pay For Performance” system. This is something I devised through years of reading, conversation and advice from many people I know with high school aged kids. I was very, very hesitant to put such a system in place initially, as I feel very uncomfortable in many ways of “paying” for either chores of marks In the end however I changed my view on both elements based on trial and error and also to be honest-my other methods weren’t working and I needed to find something else that would.

Pay for Performance elements:

-An intricate and complex Excel spreadsheet that works per semester

-There is an Objectives section (marks) and a Value and Behavior section (efforts and attitudes). Both are fairly equal in weighting

-It starts only in high school for our family and only if the child is going to a school which is very high performing and difficult where we see that the studying is almost like having a job. If my other children would go to less demanding schools I am not sure I would use this system at all. It would not be needed in my opinion.

-It is based on each child individually. Marks expected and rewarded are based on past performance and their individual academic potential levels (a 70% for one could mean the same things as an 80% for another).

-Goes well beyond academics and takes into account other behaviors such as “getting out of your comforts zone in school (ie: joining a new team) “or “finding your passion” (ie” experimenting with new types of books etc..)

-Half the $ earned on this each semester is kept by teen-other half is put into a bank account for when 18yrs old toward major purchase (travel, car, apartments etc..)

-There is also a comments section for positive or negative comments received from teachers. A child could be an excellent student but be very disrespectful and disruptive in class and this portion of the sheet addresses this.

Last but not least below I have listed a few tips and tricks for creating the right environments for homework which I believe should start as early as grade 1 in homes:

-Kids should be doing a good part of their homework on the weekends. They should use this opportunity to get ahead and to have the time they need for more relaxed reflection, and gain more of their parent’s time for support if both parent’s are working outside of the home during the week.

-One parent should sit down with each kid weekly and ask them to show them what their work is for the week and ask them what  their plan to get it done is. By high school this should be slowly minimized and this initiation should come from the child but discussion should still be had and take place every week.

-Kids should be doing as much of there homework as possible independently as early as Grade 1. They should try their best and have a set amount of time that they need to work on homework alone. After that time has passed parents can then support and help out, but kids should be as autonomous as possible to build independence and confidence and a sense of pride in accomplishment.

-There should be a “technology block out” period during homework time (and an hour afterward). This will ensure kids have time to focus and are not tempted to rush homework in order to watch that show or get back to the computer. It allows them the space for further creativity and innovation. The extra hour block out allows them adequate time to prepare for the next day, organize their things and then play outside!

-Kids should have a special spot to do their homework with all the essentials and good lighting. Homework should be a very deliberate exercise and not be random.

-Report cards should be discussed with both parents each semester (if applicable) They should be discussed in a friendly, democratic way and taken seriously. Solutions should be found together and action plans put into place based on effort and results.

 In conclusion Celebrate, Celebrate, and Celebrate. Do not fear using the report card (and not the marks received) to continuously remind your kid of how awesome she is. They are in school so many hours of the week and need you to understand how deeply important this is to them on so many levels. Celebrate their efforts praise them, and shout to the world and brag about them when they have accomplished something that they and you are proud. Whether that be a 60 that was well earned or a 95 that was well deserved makes no difference as far as I am concerned. What make the difference are the efforts, determination and willingness to strive for the best they can accomplish.

You are your child’s advocate and if you are not making their accomplishments visible..nobody will. Stand up for your kids and take notice. Be proud of them and push them to their limits. Ensure that they are getting what is best for them out of their education. Treat their education and their report card with pride, careful consideration and care.

My Dad, who passed away earlier this year- he and I had many differences in our lives and a very difficult relationship together. One thing I will however always so much appreciate is the value of education that my Dad instilled in me from very early on. I knew even as a very young child that this was very, very important and to be treasured and valued in life.
My Dad was passionate about academics and education and his passion around this had a strong impact on me. I am not sure I would be where I am today in my career if my Dad had not given me a sense of pride and passion around learning and academics. It is something he gave me..that I treasure very much. My education and dedication and determination allowed me access  many things in life on many levels.

I was always very proud that in our house....education was important and the expectation was that we all went quite far in terms of career.

Take your child’s education to heart..then they will too. Treat it with the same care that you would an important hockey match and cheer for them, praise them and support them.

Show up at every game.

Make it important.

After all-a hockey career lasts a few years..an education lasts a lifetime.

Gratitude-Lucky to Be Loved

Grateful for my sweet hubby who follows my car on the highways up to the cottage when we need to have two vehicles. Just to make sure I will be ok.

Even more grateful on the way back when he is sleeping over there and I am coming home with the kids that he has us follow his car 20 minutes on the country road because it is dark out and wants to be sure I have light to follow.

See why he is my Protector? I am lucky to be loved.

Grateful that our kids all joke around and laugh with us at the dinner table. As they get older; we think they are funnier. And they think we are funnier. It all works out. Lots of laughs.

Grateful for just simple moments…moments at the table. Together as a family. Moments when our biggest care in the world is if there is enough salt in the soup.

Grateful for simplicity.

Ba Humbug!

For any of you who have commented that I seem to be quite an overall optimist much of the time on my blog...gets ready to see another side of me.

I really hate Halloween. Truly think it is one of the dumbest days of the year. Sorry Halloween Lovers! No offense!

On my way to Swiss I actually had to endure on the plane two women debate for three entire hours what their four year olds should be for Halloween. I mean for crying out loud-take a sheet from your closet-cut a few holes and get over yourselves!!!



Too bad I have to start off my deliberate traditions with one I can't stand. It hard to come up with something fun when my whole family knows how miserable I am when it comes to this holiday.

So today I try to start my deliberate tradition for Halloween which is going to be; eating Pillsbury cookies with pumpkins on them afterschool and not eating dinner at all that day.
I know. Sounds more like a punishment than a tradition...but that about sums up how excited I am about this holiday.

So I go to the grocery store to buy those cookies to make...and they are gone! So I go to another store to buy them and they are gone too! Does everybody think that eating a cookie and no dinner is such great family fun-do they all want to make Halloween such a wonderful treat as I do?
So now we are stuck with.....just eating no dinner.


Negative enough for you yet????
Somehow I think I may regret this blog....oh well. Never said I was good at coaching parents on choosing Halloween costumes did I?


Wow deliberate traditions are going sooooo well around here so far.


I think I started really despising Halloween when Chase was old enough to want to choose a costume. We would go to Wal-Mart and he would take hours to choose a costume and then cry and cry as it as not the perfect one. It would never fit properly as he has always been small for his age. I mean who wants to dress up as Elmo when you are in high school anyways???

The older he gets-he has decided handmade costumes are better for him.

 Thank God he has not asked me to sew anything for him as I think this would send me into a year long depression.

Rather he has started creating his own costumes.
Problem is...he ends up never liking what he makes-ever-and never ends of really wearing it anyways. So we spend hours gluing things to other things and then throw it all out in the end anyways-all the while having a miserable time fighting about it..

This year-another cardboard box is going on his head with a few holes in it for the eyes and some kind of weird gold gloves. I can almost guarantee you he will not wear this masterpiece to school-or even alone in his room in the mirror for that matter

As you can see I have done a great job of handing my awesome Halloween “spirit” done to my first son.

Bear is the one who likes Halloween quite a bit ...but he does not get to go this year because he can't walk. Isn’t that awful?  I suggested a few friends over at 9:30-11:00 pm so he would get some candy-looks like the whole class is coming. Yay!- a whole house full of Elmos, punks and kids with boxes on their heads. And I can't even offer them pumpkin cookies!

Beauty likes Halloween too to some degree. She is more into all the candy than actually dressing up. To tell you the truth I don't even know what she is being this year I have been so busy. I really should win Mother of the Year award don't you think?

She is furious this year because we did not decorate the door because Bear was in the hospital and so no time to carve a joyous pumpkin.

She does not seem to be the least bit disturbed that her three best friends are going as triplets trick or treating and have planned this for the last year together without inviting her to be included. She keeps looking at me and saying "It’s ok Mom-I am fine really-I don’t care!!!".
She may feel fine…I however feel like a truck ran over us both.

See why I hate Halloween? It's just deeply disappointing on so many levels.

Only year I liked it was when my hubby wore a mullet wig to our friend’s party and everyone laughed the whole evening.

Hubby hates Halloween as much as I do.
He likes the candy though and eats it all every single night for about a year  and still weighs about 35 lbs after a big dinner.
I want to kill the candy.

Yup Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!
Is this enough negativity for you all???
Trust me...there is more where this came from.-you may have set a monster free.

I think we are all very lucky that my next deliberate holiday is Beauty's Birthday. I am stealing my friend’s “Candy Poster” idea and am very excited.

Birthdays are awesome

At least on birthdays when you do your grocery shopping for your non existent pumpkin cookies-no one is dressed up as a batman or a big fat  smelly pig.

Halloween is just so........
Never mind.
I will shut up and go to bed now. I think Bear’s anesthesia affected my brain too :)


Gotta get up an hour early and get those non walking, left out triplet, box head wearer’s (or not) children out the door for their glorious day of Halloween Fun!J.L