Falling from Grace

We all fall from something at some point don’t we?

It’s just life that works like that. We all climb and we all fall at some point form something big. And hopefully we recover.

But it’s how we fall that defines us fully.

And how we choose to fall from the graces.

It’s our turn now.

Let’s hope everything I have learnt along this crazy thing called life…… I remember and put into place the very best I know how.

 

 

Au Noir

We have wanted to try out this restaurant for years now. A few things prevented us: very pricey, too far, and one of our kids is claustrophobic (almost) .

We did it last night for Beauty’s family b-day celebration. Since losing our housekeeper this year we made the big decision that all b-days for the next few years would be celebrated at restaurants (we hardly eat out at restos as a family-very occasionally or very cheap restaurants). Now on their birthdays, each kid gets their pick of nice places (rule: has to be something new)

And Beauty chose Au Noir!!! A restaurent run for the blind for us seeing people which assimilates what life is like for a blind person. Man oh man was this an experience. It was truly amazing. And stressful too at first. Two out of three kids (including the bday girl were so stressed it was crazy and babyish!!! They were all fighting and bickering in car out of pure stress.

Chase considers himself claustrophobic in many ways (which he can tend to be), but in our family stuff like that is not really tolerated. “Get over it” is a common expression to be heard in our home. Chase actually asked the waiter what to do if an emergency in the dark and told him he felt claustrophobic and might have to leave. Good assertiveness at least!!!!!

It was a crazy and wonderful experience walking into a resto and eating in complete pitch dark. Certainly heightened the others senses. We had a few mishaps...my Mom ate the plastic container of butter in her breadbun….most of the time we ate with our hands….we all worried about choking and how they would possibly help us ..And on the way out we had a group of prostitutes ask us what we would bring out children to a restaurant with a bunch of perverts in it and asked if it is a sex center. What??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I guess the name of the resto and the dark blinds freaked her out a bit?

Other than that Chase overcame his fear and said he wants to go back for his birthday with all his friends (not! No more money)...Beauty had a flintstone sized rib as her meal…..Bear loved the dark as he could make all his eccentric faces with no one chastising him at the table…..I nearly feel asleep in my plate…my Mom for once was not the slowest eater (she was actually the fastest)..And my husband seemed to like this a lot and would make a great blind person I think.

The best part of the evening was when Beauty softly joked that what she loved about eating in the dark was that she could pick her nose (a joke of course!!!) and she had no idea the waiter was standing right beside her listening until she heard him burst out laughing. LOL!!! Beauty cried she was so embarrassed poor girl.

The food was delicious...the waiter adorable and the company wonderful. The concept creative, inspiring and  part of the money goes towards a good cause. I realised that seeing food is very important for me (as I want to know what I am eating). If ever I become blind I will lose weight pretty darn easily!!!

And all over really really nice evening after an especially stressful week.

 

 

Happy 12th Birthday Crumpet!!!

 

Never ever suspected I would have a competitive skiier in our family!!!!!

 

Beachy Girl..Trouble….Renesmee.. Beauty..Cocotte…

 

It’s your special dayJ))

Woken up early by us all in her bed, birthday basket with sparkly X-mas tree, not surprise book, lots of fun gifts, cards from brothers, candy poster with loonies, shopping spree to target on Monday night, evening tonight with Didi and all of us at “Au Noir” restaurant for the blind and run by the blind!!! Big birthday bash next weekend with all “the girls”  Saturday and Sunday skiing at the cottage.

 

Beauty spells out all her name in pankakes..one letter at a time...one name at a time..thankfully has a middle name:)

 

 

 

A new fish last night and aquarium (not for bday but for all the work it took over 6 months to study for high school exams!!)

 

Our first pet!!! Welcome Cotton Eye Joe!

 

 

We love you darling girl

 

Top three moments this year that I experienced with you:

 

1-Your newfound independence..walking home with a huge gang..stopping at Dad’s office all the time..biking to pool..etc

 

2-Your face when you found out you got into your schoolJ))

 

3-Boys! Boys! Boy Crazy!!!!

 

 

 

 

Healing

Oh how bodies heal don’t they?

Everything is a process..a package…all tied up to everything else.

When something goes wrong in the system it seems as though it will never be right again. But for the lucky ones it all returns to normal at some point.

Even our hearts do. Time truly does heal most matters of our body and soul. Not all but most.

Our bodies never cease to amaze me still-the process of pain. Of healing..of recovery. Both from the physical standpoint and the mental standing.

So much of pain is also in our psyches. Do we let anxiety take over? Do we try to try to find cures to our ailments? Do we seek comfort? Revenge? Silence? Exposure.

The body has a process. Sometimes we own it and sometimes we don’t.

Same with our hearts.

Healing is always around the corner…we just need to seek what heals us exactly?

What is the secret? Our secret? The formula.

Health—the only thing to covet really. The only real wish.

When  it is taken away…momentarily even…for a day..a week..a year or decade..the goal seems to be able to just get it back.

 

 

Silence Please!

I don’t know about your kids but sometimes (often) mine really get on my nerves. There comes a point that I just want them to be quiet and shut up..and I keep waiting fort that point to come!

Aren’t tweens and teens supposed to want to spend a lot of time looking sullen and by themselves in their own rooms alone? Not my kids! Not ever!

There just comes a point of any week or weekend where I have heard enough of the whining, the screaming shut up to each other and the..”I didn’t stack the dishwasher badly HE did!” Gets on my nerves. And when I know they are not off to school the next day either in routines it is even worse. One home on bed rest now and one off on a professional day…nice to start a Monday with a day off of school eh? Do these teachers ever work??

Problem with tweens and teens too is that there is no start and end to a day. It’s not like 8:30pm really comes around anymore and I can tuck them in and beddy-bye. If it is a non-school night they stay up later than us and if a school night often now they do homework way beyond their set bedtimes. What am I supposed to say “No more homework allowed??

But I crave silence like most people crave alcohol and coffee. I need it.

I hate loud sounds. I hate loud noises. It was a real issue when I had three kids under the age of 4 at home. And every day since actually.

And my kids are not quiet at all. Not at all.

So it’s not all sunshine and roses ok over here? My daughter is driving me bananas these days and I keep looking for diagnoses on the Internet of what could be wrong with her. Although I am so thankful my son is not blind., I secretly wish something could have made his voice blurry instead of his eyes in the last few days. And my middle son is just too diplomatic. Always trying to explain to me when I am irritated how he tried to control himself or was not part of this or that. I am not in the mood for discussions and lesson child-go to sleep!

All I want to to is go back to the beach.

(And yes I am still grateful for them all I am just in a crappy mood. Also WTF? Why does my period now come 6 days early or 15 days late? Enough hormones. Calm down! Go away!. )

PS we also this weekend on top of everything going on here put up an X-mas tree, baked all the /Christmas traditional  mocha desserts, made 5 meals, made some breakfast loaves for Xmas and hid an elf. I think we might have tried to  accomplish too much (well my husband did as I have been sick in bed). It literally feels that for the whole weekend the kitchen has been a complete mess and the dishwasher has been stacked an unstacked a million times (which it has). How much can a family eat??????? Are we pigs?

Just looking at this house cleaning, cooking, being merry is exhausting me….I know I know I am a real pain in the ass today. I will be better tomorrow:) By the time Dec 24 rolls around I will feel much merrier for certain. (after all the shopping and wrapping is done that is) Another task that tires me out just picturing all the work.

 

 

In the Blink of an Eye

In the Blink of an Eye

It’s amazing how a world can be turned upside down (and then back upside right) within moments hours and days isn’t it?

Like getting a soccer ball at school straight in the eye and having a blood vessels broken,  blood in eye and trauma to the eye. Not being able to see properly, losing conscious for a moment, eye pain each time you move and having to wear sunglasses both day and night. It’s scary how quickly and how blurry our safe world can become.

Funny how my post yesterday was "Safe and Sound" yet danger was right beside us waiting.

This was Chases’s day yesterday. Thank goodness for my husband as I was sick and in bed and still am totally unable right now to take proper care of our son. Two ophthalmologists later and then a visit today to the resident to of the children’s hospital……and we are told what we need to hear. “He is on the mend”

 

Can we breathe now? Might be the first real breathe I have taken in 36 hrs

It’s amazing when it comes to health stuff how nothing nothing nothing else matters. So many other crappy things also happened today…I felt crappy; things happened or did not happen. But the only focus is the health of my son. That is it. I would trade a million trillion crappy feeling days for his well-being and health in a single moment.

He still has to go back to the hospital tomorrow and then next day and maybe the next to be monitored daily for now but the scary part seems to be under control.

I am so relieved you are ok Chasie boy. My darling. My baby. Thank goodness. Bed rest for 5 days may be a bit boring and no sports for two weeks (including missing your first weekend of skiing next weekend, but we can deal with that…with pleasure. Compared to the nasty alternatives running through my head all day today and all yesterday…this outcome is fine with me!

 

 

Safe and Sound

As Americans celebrate Thanksgiving this week I thought I should show support as a  close Canadian and take a look at what I am most grateful for this year. Gratitude is never wasted. Whenever I am feeling stressed or worried or down and under- gratitude brings me back up again.

I am most grateful for me and my family being safe and sound and healthy. There is nothing I would ever be more grateful for.

I am grateful for tenderness. It is something I have always had inside of me but haven’t always been able to access and show as often as I do now. I am grateful that any walls I had built up over the years have come down to a large degree. It feels so good.

I am grateful for each of my children in a million trillion ways that I could never do justice to with words

I am grateful for my husband of almost 18 yrs. and that we continue to grow and thrive and love so well together.

I am so extremely grateful for my Mom. I have been so so blessed.

I am grateful for my extended family and my close friends. Recently a  Mom from  my daughter’s schoolgirl told me that she has no close relationships outside of her immediate family “because she has no time at all for that” (the girl has a set of twins but still!!). I left that conversation feeling so so sad for her. She said she barely speaks to her Mother and Father except for once a month…she has let go of all her girlfriends and couple friends and does not attend any family get togethers anymore. I left that conversation feeling so sad for her and grateful for my own relationships.

I am grateful for so many other things in my life, but I realize as I write this that health and relationships far surpass anything else I have and love in my life. There are a million trillion other things to be grateful for but the most is always involving the people I love and who love me back.

Safe and Sound at Home.

Safe

Healthy

All is good.