Punta Cana Mother- Daughter trip 2016 (and a few other random thoughts)

If it is possible to have just one all time favorite picture of your child-this is mine for sure

And this is my all time fave pic of the two of us (ps she is biting my ear in this picture and we thought the photographer was crazy for suggesting this!!!)

I choose this one to hang in my room...

She chose this one to hang in hers...

This trip  was so beyond my expectations it is very hard to articulate. We got back what we always should have had.




And a sidenote: This morning the expression "Don't let Good be the enemy of Great" kept rolling through my mind. I had visions of coming home last night and before the reality all set in,  relaxing the family of five without a care in the world..I had visions of getting up today and before working posting a blog with all my favorite pics. I had promised myself these things and made space for them.

Instead I came home and spent the evening on the internet doing medical research that was necessary....I fell asleep feeling sad instead of happy.....I got up this morning and struggled for hours on the blog site and my phone to post pics that were not upside down...I posted 6 pics instead of 60.
I looked at my day and am scared (and won't even have time to unpack my toothbrush as have no food in the house)
But you know what? That is life..that is reality.
It belongs to me
And I cherish it all
I cherish and am grateful for every single moment I get to be alive on this beautiful earth

We don't want to go home!!!!!

Do you know what were my favorite moments of this mother - daughter trip where ?

 Absolutely Everything .

And so little had to do with the actual resort ( which was very nice don't get me wrong ) . What made this time magical was being the two of us . Getting along so well and 24/7 together 

Some things to  always remember :

There is a little bed and a big bed in room . She never slept on little one but with me in big one everynight 

How even in her sexy bathing suits and short shorts she still wears these little girl plastic colourful sunglasses that remind me she is 14 yrs old 

Seeing Jackson Avery from greys on the beach and him paying attention to us:))

The way beauty's face would go beet red each time a waiter would joke with her 

Our buggy rides after the show and our totally Drunk buggy driver who was crazy 

The teen talent show . Was so bad it was a comedy !!!

The little kid talent show was sooooo cute !!!

The desserts are phenomenal ( and I am not a dessert  person at all and neither is meh meh )

Closing the blinds at night ( well trying too )

Reading Sarah and Solomon and waiting for something to actually happen 

The messed up blotchy arm spray tan !!!!

All the jokes I played on her :

Beauty there is blood on your bathing suit !!

Let's take a picture in front of this cleaning cart !

Yes your face is dirty !!

Beauty trying and trying  to tan 

The photo shoot with beauty biting my ear and actually choosing that as our fave !!!

Many many outfits 

Beauty's nightmares all about wanting to take off her brace and crying in her sleep :(  not fave moment but very telling for me of what she has had and still endures )

Watching dances , learning dances , hearing songs , learning songs 

Marco Polo and handstands in the pool 

Seaweed and dead fish in ocean and beauty wanting me to carry her in my arms  all the time in the sea

Mommy I am just joking !!!

The beads at the exit to the resto 

The non existent bridge at the pool 

The wobbly tables 

The towel lady asking for our towel card which we were never able to produce and giving a mean look and then smiling 

Frosted coffees and cesear salads !

Nachos veggies and olives at 12:30

The hottest tennis lesson of the century 

Stand up paddle and actually being able to do this on waves 

Circus and catches !!

Hip hop with amazing black guy dancer !

One good chocolate on our pillow

One night

Expensive candies at the boutique 

Me taking pics of pics and getting in lots of trouble at photo shop !!

Our jacuzzi games of flat face and round and round hide and seek 

Realizing my daughter is way shyer than I ever imagined !!! And much more child like than her facade exterior !!!

Her depending on me 

Her being affectionate with me 

Her needing me 

Her letting me nurture her 

Me being able to keep my cool !!!

Not having one fight ( when she tried I just totally ignored her )

Sleepy her and her grumpiness  early morning and late at night ( not pleasant but can be slightly adorable )

The fact that I can count on one hand how many times either of us spoke to anyone else on resort besides staff . We were just together and that totally astonished me 

The fact that I don't seem to care about work at all . Things are changing and getting cancelled left right and centre and I have barely even looked at my agenda . I am in a different space this trip . I am hers .

I am fairly obsessed with meringue desserts with strawberry coulis at this point . Thank goodness I have only discovered these the last few days of the trip .

Buffet jumping 

I also don't know how I will not have an iced coffee daily ( but at least I will fit in now and be a coffee drinker sometimes !!)

Our phot shoot was the best !!! We look so good together 

I love the books I brought 

I like our technology hour on the beach at 5:30-7pm 

Beauty begging me to ask dr Avery for a photo with her on the beach . And then asking me to ask him if he could kindly take both his sunglasses and his shirt off for the pic !!!

Asking me a thousand times a day if her face is dirty

Following me everywhere including chips towels drinks and always wanting to me together 

I like texting my hubby and my bffs back home 

Feeling all week that there was nothing more important than her 

In that moment 

Building the foundation for a lifetime of hope and happiness

Putting love into action 

Being present 

My laser focus was her .

This trip made me realize something very important I had nearly forgotten - which is that she is still her - she is still inside that  cool rough demenor with a gentle heart . Some kids have a tougher time going through the turbulent teen times and she will be one of them . Her weapon of choice is alienating the ones she loves in order to grow up and launch herself . Sabotaging great moments in order to grow up into who she will become independently of her family . Both boys stay Close as teens where she seems to have a strong need to be apart in many ways . 

I had always assumed was harder for girls growing up her were less popular and less confident , but I have realized that the popular girls also have their share of pressure trying to be cool all the time and taking the lead and often feeling responsible for the over all well being of the cliques .It's not easy being a teen girl either way 

Our job as people who love her is to patiently stand by and remind her to come back to us in a loving gentle way . To bring her home 

The voice of an angel is what my daughter needs ( and unfortunately for her my voice is not very angel like !!! )

I  very simply ... Love my little meh meh and punta Cana has been a great place for this affection between us to flow back up to the surface well within our reach 

And for our deliberate hands and heart to grasp on ... And not let go 

I know real life is right around the corner tomorrow and I am well aware of how abruptly the vacation will end faster than I can count . But I feel like she and I got what we wanted and needed here and from each other  ... And that was a simple glimpse  Into what was and what could be and what will be .

And even that glimpse was enough for me to keep on going and to do my very best to have something even remotely resembling a voice of an angel . For her . Because of her . ... I need to Adapt and connect in a very different way 

I need to bring this vacation home with me 

Club Med with Mommy

Hi its mehmeh!
Today is the before last day before we go home:( i really like this resort (club med)! I did lots of things: tennis, hip-hop, circus, trapeze, stand up paddle, lots of eating, tanning and swimming. It is really hot here, it is 28 degrees! My goal was to become very tanned but so far I'm a little tanned and burnt. I never tan i just burn all the time. Its fun with just me and my mom:) the food is really good and my Favourite thing is the steak and the desserts like the penna-cota and the ice cream. The things i dont like at the resort is the wifi because it is very slow and how far everything is from each other.

I like having a week off because it gives me time to sleep in even tho i wake up at 9h30 wich is very early. I love not having to do chores and homework and just taking a break from all of that. Sometimes i wish  my best friend was here because i would be more active by doing more activities and dancing. Im going to bed now bye:)! 

Sympatico

Sympatico 

I wrote my friend who was in punta Cana with her own 14 yr old daughter a few weeks ago and asked how her trip with her daughter was going ? How were they getting on together ?

Sympatico . We are sympatico she said 

And I felt a little envious for sure . And very inspired . " I want that "I said to myself 

And all day yesterday and all day today as I spend a literal 24/7with my beautiful daughter this word has rolled through my mind like a sweet melody 

Sympatico 

Here is where we are sympatico :

Sleep - we both want to go to bed around  11pm and wake up around 9am . She really wants to sleep until 10 am but knows that is a waste of sun 

Food - we both like a lot of the same foods and choose quickly from buffets and we both eat relatively fast . We both love food and every meal we stick right together at the buffet . We like the desserts too 

Coffee - neither of us are coffee drinkers . I am not by choice and beauty is not by age . Until we discovered ..... Iced coffee . Both addicted now ! And to caesar salads with chicken as a snack a couple of times a day 

Being outside : we are both outside people . All day until about7pm . Sit on beach a lot .. Walk a lot .. Eat snacks .. Chill . No rooms and inside activities for us 

Activities : we both like sporty stuff . Besides relaxing . So far circus , sailing , kayak in ocean , walks on beach , Latin dance , Pilates ,. Tomorrow is stand up paddle lesson and golf the next day . Lots more to come . Tennis we will have to scrap as too early morning and way to hot to run on the cement 

Dressing up and pics - we like looking good and we like changing our clothes a lot . We can get ready each in 4 mins from beach to dinner . We tried it today 

Walking - although we love walking we find a 25 mins walk at the end of the day a bit excruciating so

We call a little buggy who drives us around 

Hanging out - we do a lot of it . In sympatico . We are like that riddle " once we are good we are very very good and if we are bad we are horrible "

Reading - I had carefully selected a book for this vacation for me to read aloud each night  to beauty and had quite frankly no clue how this would go . Reading about Sarah and Solomon and the law of attraction is the perfect end to our great days . We both look forward to it ( even if she rolls her eyes and says " are you going to read that dumb book again tonight ? ) I know what she really means-  she loves it 

Being tidy - this may come as a shock to anyone who knows me or sees my suitcase packed but we like a tidy hotel room . So each night before sleep we ensure everything is in perfect order . Beauty is even 10 times tidier than me and more organized ( not hard to beat but still the kid is amazing ) you should see her 4 shelves in the walk in closet here we share !!! We like tidy with no  messy boys 

Genetics - we both keep commenting how beauty has her grandma  genes . She is so pale an delicate skin and as hard as she tries can hardly tan ( and burns even with constant sunscreen . She is tall like my mom and sings all the time like my mom . It's cute when she mentions these things . I think she and Didi also have a dance to uncover that I want to see .In some ways I very kindred spirits and lots of undiscovered similarities that need to be nurtured and accessed 

Chatting : my mom always said and I remember as a kid and teen that when she and I were alone together I would not stop chatting and chatting and chatting . Over the years I could only have hoped for this problem ! Well this week I have it !! ( except for mornings with miss grumpy ) the trick is taking away contact with friends except 2 hrs a day and there you have it . I learn all the cool teen stuff , all new music , here about all girl stuff and who is cool and who is not etc . Chat chat chat !

And what is not in sympatico ? Of course there would be things right ? This is me and beauty we are talking about !! But the answer is nothing to report so far !!! Sympatico all the way . ( except first day here which was not as great and she really was annoying and rude ) .just like her dad and I travel together very well she and I do too !! 

But don't be too fooled . I am practicing a lot of different techniques SK taught me so I am a little emotionally exhausted as it takes self control as this is not the natural me . Beauty made a comment on this trip about me and one of my bffs and said " you are both the teaching type always trying to get a lesson in here and there ! " trust me I am not teaching much this week I am trying to be at my coolest but not sure I can maintain this in real life where there are actual demands and decisions to be made !!!

This week is truly giving me practice at being tolerant and patient and present . Learning to dance differently and almost really learn a new language  with her for real . I honestly think it would be just as hard as learning Chinese 

I have watched so many dances this week ( with her seat smiling face performing / I have reasoned with her a million times not to wear shorts so short that the pockets show from the outside in / I have learned to DAB and I have to learn all weird lyrics to songs . I am her companion as she has not uttered a word to another soul and more have I . We are happy together . I am her playmate and for a teen who usually loves her alone time she is not even content to give me 30 mins a night to text on my own and wants to show me yet another dance and chat and talk some more 

We even had a big sex talk in the hottub with some pretty embarrassing questions about my own life !!!! I was of course happy to answer and share with her as very bonding 

Good night my darling girl ( she is asleep so now I can blog :)

Kinda feels like I lost her for a couple of years and am getting my second chance at winning her back . From simple steps of empathy , patience and ignoring power struggles . Going back to the basics really ... And kinda feels like she is a little kid under that utterly gorgeous female exterior that has been Turing heads and looks more like 23 than 14 yrs old 

But underneath it all she is just a little kid .. Trying to figure it all out . Just like the rest of us 

Her facade this week has been set aside and I am getting a glimpse back into her heart that will hopefully set us on the path back to the lifetime closeness   we both need and deserve 

A piece of my heart will always remember punta Cana . Thank you my protector for suggesting this . 

Namaste

Namaste

I bow to the divine spark in you

This is what this beautiful and commonly used buddhist greeting means.
It spoke to me as i read it today on the beach as i realized that is how i am feeling about my daughter so far on this vacation: i am discovering and appreciating her divine and unique spark as we get deeper and deeper into our trip together

I see it in the way she wants me to carry her like a baby in my arms in the pool, or how she is discovering the beauty and the power of her female beauty; the way she allowed me into her heart and soul when we had a giggle fit over me  trying to close the blinds before bed trying not to leave any cracks, ort he way she scarfs down all the delicious frosted coffees here as if she is even allowed coffee yet. I discover her in the way that she needs me to love her unconditionally and always , even as she self destructs and sabotages great moments and i see her needing me to use all the patience and courage i can muster up in absolute abundance during her coming of age period.

I see her spark as we swing our hips in latin dance and tighten our abs in the outdoor fitness palapa and share a special smile. She cuddles up on the bali bed near the ocean watching our show and i feel like i have won the lottery

I am learning to nuture her in her own divine spark and she is learning to let me . I feel like today i have learnt her dance ... And i have seen  my daughter in her natural and often difficult glory.

There are problems at the hotel. There are  possible sinus infections and sore sore spines. We cant  snuggle in bed last night as i would have wanted to as i forgot she wears a rigid brace so i had to snuggle her knee instead . She brought tears of frustration and hurt to my eyes at the dinner table last night and made me feel sad and angry this morning.
I feel alientation and lonliness often around her that i need to fend off and focus on not letting in to those ever so regular fears and feelings

I have to be tolerant and patient and stop wishing she was more kind
I have to hang on and know that it is fully my job to make it better and fully my responsibility as her parent to stay close eventhough most of the time she does her best to push me away

I am having a hard time focusing on getting any work here or any texts or  sticking  to any excercise schedule . I seem not to care if it poured rain all day or if a big contract got canclled for june .
I lost my favorite book i was in the middle of
Wifi does not work in the room
Who really cares?



I am fully focused on and fascinated by one  thing only : bowing to the divine light that is my daughter. Soaking her in ; being present; understanding her and discovering her in a way that seems inaccessible to me in real life. I feel a fire in my belly and it is she . I feel urgent and powerful and calm and cool and collected as it rains and storms above me.

Bowing to her beauty and her light
Captivated by what could be
Claiming her as mine

Namaste indeed

If your Ship does not Arrive...Swim out to It

"If your ship does not arrive swim out to it"

(wrtten last week)

It was the middle of the night last night and I couldn't sleep . The last few nights for some reason I am tossing and turning 

My usual to- do list was burning on my mind and I tried to go write in the dark so I would not forget a couple of items , but realized that my usual pad of paper and pen were gone . So I pulled out a pack of bobby pins package to find a tiny white space and sifted through a little basket on my vanity table for a pen 

And I came across my little quote book . A colleague at my ex place or work gave it to me. About a year ago I saw it in the kids bathroom hanging near the toilet . I asked the kids about it and my daughter shyly admitted that she reads through it when on the toilet :)

As of that moment, I thought a great idea to randomly refer to it when I need it . I think of a situation or an issue and I close my eyes and randomly flip through the pages to see where my destiny lies on that situation ( and I will admit not very scientific as when I don't like the message I give myself a second chance ! )

 So I had misplaced that little book the last couple of months ( along with my pen and paper apparently ! ) and found it last night in my vanity . And the quote above is what came up ... And it was perfect 

Along with " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change , the courage to change the things that I can , and the wisdom to know the difference "

I related a lot to the swimming to your boat stuff . Water /power / courage / integrity . Being the masters of our own destiny and knowing what are needs are and finding ways to have them met 

And once we start swimming it is interesting to note what we find there or don't find .

 Life is funny that way isn't it ? Sometimes everything we have been searching for is actually right in front of us . And it takes some searching and swimming to remind us of that fact. Other times we need to be more creative and search and dig  a bit more.

What is key in this is self -awareness. Being aware of, understanding and feeling what is really occurring inside-is really where all the swimming to the ship begins.  Both staying on shore and swimming out both take courage.

A different kind of wonderful

When i became an entrepreneur full time just over a year ago now, i had told myself that if i was successful in my journey that a year later i would take a trip . By myself, on a beach, to a place where i could do a fitness boot camp and do fitness classes half the day and work the other half of the day on the beach . I wanted to write , get all my creative stuff done that i never have enough time to do, and generally have a week away challenging myself both physically and mentally . Very very different than my normal vacations where i do nothing at all and stay completely disconnected !

That being said when i told my husband my plan he was not too thrilled ( although supported me ) and so he came up with the idea that beauty and i go together and time it around a week where she has off school in april . The way beauty has been with me over the last couple of years i was very doubtful she would want to do this with me but when we asked her she was completely thrilled . I was very delighted that she was so excited.

So we leave his monday morning ! Just the two of us for a week!!!

So this trip will be very different now. Part of the reason to have me go alone was money as our trip as a couple ( with one kid) is in june .  Now we are paying two tickets anyways  . Now i wont be working more than 2 hrs a day  there and i don't want to bore her to death. Fitness we will take two classes  a day of sailing or tennis or golf or Zumba or Pilates or circus etc and learn new sports like stand up paddle and take long walks. ... But it will be a lot harder to stay motivated if we are together and more tempting to sleep in and watch movies . I would have been forced to do these sports in order to socialize and meet people if i were there alone.


Beauty is at a stage right now where at least 85 percent of the time as a 14 yr old girl she is a tough time . Keeps to herself, alienates me a lot, has attitude. Teen hood seems to bring out her naturally more reserved calm cool and collected side to extremes! ( combined with a really bad attitude ) i am a little scared to be honest!

Yesterday she and i did have a good laugh though together as i joked she better come up with some good conversations given the fact we will have 21 meals just the two of us to share !  She thought this was funny

Today i put my nervousness aside and started to get really excited . Really excited for the next 7 days. To bask in my daughter and to likely learn to dance a different way with her . For the two of us to learn a different language together and share parts of ourselves that we have not yet explored   If i look at in from that lens it seems like a gift we have both been given and also earned from a lot of the work we have been doing over the last couple of years to understand eachothers  differences and ensure that our long term relationship os not tainted or affected by these turbulent times called adolescence.

In reality i can work anytime . I can sail anytime.  I can golf anytime . I can walk, read and relax anytime. And i can eat 21 meals alone anytime too. Hopefully she and i will be able to share these activities together in a wonderful way, but if we cannot the gift of my daughter for 7 days will be more precious and i have a feeling this trip will take us to a whole new level and will make me grow as her mother in ways i have not stretched myself before. If i can keep myself in this new mindset - i know this may be one of the best weeks of my life deep down inside of me . And the person who can ensure that is not Beauty .. Is is me. I van do anything i want if i put my mind to it, and i want and need this.

I am looking forward to loving and appreciating her a lot in these next 7 days and being loved by her too which my heart is aching to feel.

Stay posted for what is sure to be an interesting week!!!