I used to for many
things in my life think I could do it - then want to do it - then actually do it.
I used to believe
that I had to have the ability to do something and then
need the motivation
to do it before I could successfully do it . For this adventure I did it all
backwards . I actually started by
doing it and then
let my confidence and motivation follow .
It's been a big life
lesson :
I learned it's not easier said than done
It's easier done than
said .
This experience was
so very rich and powerful and hard to explain or articulate . It was filled
with so so much and yet so very little .
I am not going
to say a whole lot
on this blog . My detailed travel journal and pics will be posted
very shortly . A
few things I can say for sure :
I am sooooo happy I did this
I am so glad if is over
I am so so so proud of myself
I will remember this
experience in detail forever
I think I just might
be crazy
This might of been
the most courageous thing I will ever
willingly do
in my life
I came here to :
Get out of my comfort
zone ( check ! )
Feel one with nature
( done ! )
Challenge myself
mentally ( done ! )
Challenge myself
physically ( done ! )
Stretch my skills
socially ( done ! )
Learn more about
myself ( done ! )
Appreciate totally
what I have back home (done ! )
Lose some pounds and
be more fit and gain a new relationship with food
and excercise ( done! )
Disconnect completely
from my regular life ( done ! )
See if I could
integrate into a group well of people totally different than I and speak my second language 24/7 ( done ! )
Find out some
truths
or secrets that
were haunting me ( done ! )
Let go of some stuff
for good and release them (done ! )
Living out here a
group of 7 people in one of the most beautiful parts of the world in complete
autonomy with three guides and kayaking 70 km was an intense and life changing
experience . The fact we had to have three guides for 7 people shows how hard
and difficult this was as an expedition - and we
still did a lot
ourselves like putting up tents and packing kayaks and unpacking and
doing dishes etc .
Imagine
It was easier than I
thought in a lot of ways and a lot harder in some ways too .
It was incredible to
partner with nature in such an intense and intimate way . We went through
massive waves and calm seas , had nights of complete silence and others with
hurricane like wind storms . We experienced just about everything in those 10
days .
We totally roughed it
and packed and unpacked many hours each day . I never slept in
a tent and slept outside on 6 different beaches each night under
many conditions with much wildlife and insects . I was never connected
to technology and
nearly died of heat every moment of every day and night
. I swam with sea
otters and thousands of fishs . I saw sleep in a totally
different way and
nature became my master . I didn't look in a mirror and had sand and salt on me
every hour of the day and night . Food became a different partner for me and
was only to sustain me . Water became everything in hot hot temperatures that I
could barely think of getting down my throat but had no choice . I slept under
beautiful stars and woke up to the sun rising . Each wave and sound of the
ocean amazed me and each day was full of wonder . My back hurt , my stomach
growled and felt sick many times but my heart stayed full . My head had to be
on straight at all times to survive this experience and I could barely think of
anything else but getting through the day ahead .
For the first time
in my life I barely thought of my family
or my work as
survival was the only thing on my mind . This was not for the faint of heart -
not at all . I threw up 8 times in the bushes alone and didn't tell anybody . I
had one big meltdown ( we all had at least one ) and besides
that was happy and sane mostly and in awe 24/7 that I could sleep with crabs
and insects and earwigs and Kayotes surrounding me and snakes and scorpions and
whales and sharks not too far away .
I made friends
for purpose on this
trip . I cried and I laughed . I suffered and felt
tremendous joy . I felt bored and invigorated . All simultaneously many times a
day and all changing within moments often . I existed on adrenaline and hope .
Most of all ? I felt
peace . Peace !! Even here imagine ?
This year I have
found the sun I have always been searching for my entire life . And not just
here in the oceans and seas and islands of Cortez
Inside of ME ...
If 2014 nearly killed
me - 2017 has saved me . Eventhough it started out very rocky yet again -from
that experience I was able to make
decisions of what I
want and need in my life and I will never look back .
I am solid in this
. Cortez consolidated it . The ocean validated me . This trip was a finale of
sorts of the last few years which have been much much harder for me than the 10
survival days I have just spent .
These last few years
have equipped me a whole lot of "V" and peace as a new foundation
and serenity in my
heart and a large suitcase to conquer whatever may come my way . I go to sleep
at night now not hoping for no problems
at all - but
hoping the ones I
get given can be problems that I will have the
grace, dignity , strength and integrity
to solve
strategically and deliberately
I am now that mermaid
of the seas . Fearless in so many ways and
so very vulnerable
in so many others . A mermaid of the sea of sunshine
sunshine and salt
Cortez was just the
finale of a very long search for the sun inside of me that has always been
there . I knew this trip was needed for me and I was right
Imagining not seeing
a cloud for 10 days ? And praying for rain ? Imagine me doing that ?
One bodyguard bouncer
, one warm embrace , one secret , one discovery ,
one confidante ,
one tear , one smile , one forgiveness and one day at a time .
One with nature through and through . I know nature is my haven and always has
been .
Knowing with
certainty that every path of my life and every decision led me to where I spent
the last 10 days ..: and equally led me back home . To those I get to call mine
.
It was especially
hard for me to leave at this time with one of my BFFs recovering from a major
surgery and another BFF who lost her dad whom I have loved all my life who's
memorial was held while I was away
Thanks to all who
supported me in this adventure whether
through kind words
, kind thoughts , kind donations , kind actions and
overall just being part of it with me
and sharing the
excitement of my adventure . I know how very blessed I am to have such a strong
community in my life and I am very grateful for this and to be held and hold
you all .
With much love and
profound appreciation always .
Love
Tarina
" It's easier to
act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way
of acting " ( Some thoughts
theories compliments
of The Happiness Equation )
Now I just go forward
Just do it .
