Yummy

 I don’t have a ton of real “Aha” moments.

Maybe it is because I am a control freak, or a know it all, or not spiritual enough or just plain boring.

(yes trust the process, connect the dots etc..were all great but they belonged to other people who taught me how to live into them)

I have some aha moments, and likely many over the years but not that many that are completely unexpected and spontaneous. I don’t think I have that many life altering ones; ones that take place on a deep unconscious level. I am just too controlling for those beautiful freeing and wonderful moments.

Until now that is.

Today I had one. After a night of crying myself to sleep for no damn good reason at all….Of course my period came today but also a peace washed over me and somehow my view of the world also altered in some strange and wonderful way.

Something very important shifted for me.

I am actually not going to get into the details of it (I know strange for me who pours my life out to many people both privately and publically!), because these feelings were extraordinarily profound and I am not really ready to share them with anyone (yet). Sorry Mom! Savvy! SoulKeeper! Everyone else I love!

All I know is that reading is good for me and so are the feelings that come up when I read books as uncomfortable as some of them may be. I am on a constant quest for new knowledge and have a thirst for information, change and ultimately fulfillment. Thank goodness for the 22 books I have here during this vacation.

 The off combination of reading "The 5 Languages of Love” and “Fifty Shades Freed” has led me to a day that just made plain old sense.

That I have been waiting for all my life in many ways.

That felt to me……like coming home.

And I liked that feeling very, very, very much.

Maybe reading Shades of Grey was good for me after all?  Christian Grey taught me a whole lot, and not about sex, but about my heart. How minty is good, but reserve it for work. Take more chances and bring out that strawberry body wash a whole lot more often for your loved ones. Strawberry may just be the last piece of the puzzle?

And my language? It may be that I have been speaking the wrong one. Adjust a bit more to each individually and give them more of the love they need, ask them what language to speak to them in. And to acknowledge in myself that more and more often I will need to ask for the type of love I need . I deserve to be loved in my language too right?

I hope I keep this feeling with me and feel it again. Allow it all back to my conscious. I love the feeling of something occurring in me that I did not plan for or control. Is this what happens to more normal people often?

Wow.

Indulge. In what may be-a whole new side of me. Bring it on.