We had the privilege
and honour this weekend to host three small guests (age 7/5/3yrs) while their
deserving parents got to spend a weekend alone downtown in a hotel.
These are the three
yummy kids of Soulkeeper and M&M and I have been intimately connected to these
three kids since their births. Over the
years I have made sure I keep that contact with the kids by babysitting every
few months at their place while mom and dad go out for dinner ; hosting them at the
cottage as a family and generally just keeping up with their lives , report
cards , doctor apts and lives
They call us Auntie
and Uncle and our kid’s ,cousins
In 2016 one of my
commitments to myself was to always ensure to put my love Into to Action beyond my own family . And
to have these particular surrogate children since
mine are getting older now and not as excited by going to Dollarama and for a burger.
What better way
than to start with the three we already know so well and hold dear in our hearts!
So the weekend away
tradition began and as of this and from now on we will have them one weekend a year and
then when the youngest is 5 yrs. old we will move into to their place for additionally
for another week and babysit while their
mom and dad take a yearly week vacation
It was my promise to
them since forever. And most importantly my promise to myself to this for a
girl and guy I love and who have so actively loved our family (much of our
conversations back and forth are about all the kids and their lives and well
bring etc)
Also to fill in and nuture SK with
her kids since she lost her own mom at such a young age (21)
This weekend has been
such a delight! So fun! Such incredible amazing kids. So kind and so sweet and
they all love each other so much and are so respectful and kind. They are great
little guests and little helpers and they have brought so much life and
sunshine in our home! I adore the sibling relationships between them-it is so
precious to watch.
(Of course our house
is also messy and we are tired and haven't stopped all weekend but it is soooo
worth it!)
We went to the dollar
store and got one treat and a toy each; we went out to eat hamburgers; looked
at seashells I kept from the beach; went to cottage for l8 hrs since Bear had a
ski gala; had a Jacuzzi outside with bubbles; had lots of healthy snacks and watched
the Lego movie and had tickles before bed
Then in the morning
they got up at 6:50are and entertained themselves until 9am
when we got out of bed!!! These kids are miracles! Their parents are heroes in
my book and the best sleep trainers ever.
Then we had a girl
party in the Jacuzzi and a big blueberry
pancake brunch and leaving soon for part two that involves Beauty who they miss!
My three teens are so busy with their own busy social lives now that have only
had each for a couple of hours to be with the kids. Has mostly been me and Hubby
taking care of them which has been nice as had given us a real chance to know
them individually and uniquely in a way we would not if our kids were
entertaining them .
Another one of my goals:
be present to the people I love. Fully present.
When you take care of
other people's kids you realize where you may have gone wrong yourself in
retrospect raising your own:
My were way too loud
My were not kind
enough to each other or to us
Mine had no patience
at all (nor did I)
Mine did not have well
enough overall manners (or any)
We did not focus
enough on toys and games and follow their developmental stages enough
I nagged and often
yelled at kids. Soulekeeper never ever uses this method (patience of steel)
(All of the above
still hold true today)
You also realize a
few things you did really well as parents:
Our kids were great
at transitions between activities and structure
Our kids were very
organized and competent at helping around the house very young
Our kids were scared
of nothing and extremely confident in their abilities on basically anything and
everything
Our kids were extremely socially
graceful and comfortable in any adult or child social environment
I realize overall
that we have been much more focused on performance and getting things done as
a family than just.... Loving them... And being loved.
Thanksfully for them
and us we know this weakness about ourselves and have tried to balance it more with tons of family time and
fun traditions etc., but to be honest there has not been that much time to stop
and smell the roses and I realize that smelling them is lovely for all of us.
We have focused on
the present but in the ways we wanted to vs how they may have wanted to. It has produced
very capable kids, autonomous, able, performing and thankfully happy too in
most ways. And extremely secure but also kids who may have benefitted a whole
lot more of their parents have been more present in the own worlds and slowed
down a lot more
I see the difference now.
And I am truly not sure which one is better or right or wrong. There is no
right or wrong! Just different ways to bring up a family.
I love certain ways I
have parented our kids but am disappointed in myself for other ways. Soulkeeper
is just such a great mommy-she gets it all done in a calm gentle, often firm manner
but so loving and caring and kind. And she is aware of her areas of development
too and we both openly discuss both our areas (her being late, time management
not responding to texts are minor compared to my own faults!!!!!!! Trust me!!!!
(although would be nice to be able to speak to her and keep up much more often as often feel like she is too busy between visits but it is because she is being present and nuturing so many areas others but just wish I could have more air time by text and phone with this great girl as I need her!!!!!lol!! (and she knows all this as I tell her:))
SK or and I are
totally similar and totally different too and that is why we love each other so
much and learn so much form each other . Yet I never realized how much I would learn from
her kids!!
I realized yesterday
that I can be counted on 100 percent to be on time , not inconvenience others
ever , and get packed in as much fun humanly possible into a weekend all
planned out sealed and delivered that SK is busy loving in those times the
unique people that make up this world . Being present with them, loving them,
bring out the best of them, nurturing them on demand (I nurture. It is on a schedule) I focus on a lot of family and life
values too but through a very structured approach. I am not so great at letting
it all just happen with love
We are different and
no way is better: Both had benefits and costs. Both are good. A balance of the
two would be the ultimate!!!! But we can't have it all right? I don’t believe that..I
think we can. I wish I would have done this right the first time.
All I know is that these
kids are angels and so so so amazing. I am in awe
( and ps to be
blessed to have two girls in a row and
then a boy it rocks this way )
I wish I had been
better at kind thought. I wish I still was. I guess it is not too late?
It's funny as so
many around me have described me as very
kind and have and extremely thoughtful, but by my own standards I am not kind enough.
Neither are my kids and being around super kind people makes me realize that
even more and have regrets about it . I think I need SK couple to keep my kids
for a weekend and teach them kind and respectful. Her kids are the sweetest!!!
But then I think to myself:
I am kind. I take kids on weekends? I care about my friends and their joys and
obstacles ? I write a blog about how much I love my kids and read my friend
blogs about how much they love theirs?. I am kind. Maybe I just have to be kind
and stop smell the roses? It is so against my
natural core though and really has to force myself. But I know it is good
(I am too tired right
now to list all the examples of how great they are but lucky for their Parents
we kept a list of all the ways their kids we noticed are incredible and all the
cute things they did :))
On the agenda this
afternoon is time with Beauty which they are all begging for and then Didi
coming over and telling them a story about a goat on a mountain . Then baking a
cake for their dad’s early bday dinner and Chase going to get pad Thai ingredients.
This has been an
amazing weekend all around and I will do it again and again and again. I
realize that little kid family life does not have to end. It
can continue on and on through creative ways. These three kids are living proof
that is very possible to deeply and profoundly love children who are not your own.
I love them with my heart and soul. I think they love us too in that same way (i know they do as they told us all weekend how nice we are and how cool)
We intend to be a big
part of their lives forever and help them let us smell the roses a little more.
Also teach us and guide us in our own parenting journey where it is never too
late to take advantage of second chances
When SK oand M&M got
back we all chatted about the fun weekend and all had a great early bday dinner
together complete with homemade pad Thai
that Chases shopped
for all the intricate Thai ingredients and a delicious bday cake that Beauty
made with the kids . Bear set the table and put in the extension to receive our
guests
As I sat there
looking at us all I realized show much I have always wanted this particular
type of village in my life . One where we take care of the kids and she rubs my
husband’s butt with her elbow ( long story about a sport massage hubby got )
where he gives me a bit of tough love about the state of my Mom’s concussion a we
give him advice on his job interviews and salary options . Where we talk freely
about wierd naked poses with hairy bums (lots of bums tonight!) and she and I
are there for each other in every way completely without judging and with
complete understanding and able to share anything and everything. Where we
share our little kids and our big ones too and where our little and big worries
are expressed. Where calling a friend up to go for a run up the mountain is
just ... Another fun thing to do to help a buddy get in shape for Peru. We feel
blessed to share our lives at this level and to be there for them and them for us.
Nothing is a favour.. It is simply love in action
(And one huge thing I
learnt this weekend with little kids: always take the parents car! That way you
can leave their luggage in it and easier for and
all their little (big) messes get put in their own car! (Especially when you
just got your own new family at one day before!!)
And always get Hubby to wipe the smelly poo-poo bums!!
