Pluck a Buck

It’s funny my Mom, my Heartbeat, says to me the other day on the phone “ I was telling my friend who has an 8yr old the other day about your chore and payment system Pluck and Buck and I told her to Google it for more information-but she couldn’t find it on the search engine?”

That’s because my Heartbeat…I made it up!

Pluck a Buck is a very simple system devised primarily to ensure I personally do not go out of my mind daily. I got so fed up of continuously nagging my kids 24 hrs a day to pick up their wet towels on the floor or clean the empty yogurts containers off the computer desk. I still go insane-but a little bit less insane.

Getting started with Pluck a Buck:

·        Make one jar per child and put their name on it

·        Make another jar with pluck a buck written on it

·        Insert 15 loonies in each child’s jar for the month

·        Each time a chore is not done well or not done at all-make them come back and do it (in a calm and friendly tone) and then pluck a dollar from their jar and  put it into the plucked jar

·        If the kid is not home and you want their wet towel off your bed now-just do it yourself and write a note on a central list that they were plucked. Consider it payment for the job you had to do

·        At the end of exactly 1 month they get to keep whatever is left (if anything in that jar)

·        If there is nothing left at all-they automatically get given an infraction ticket for 2 hrs of continuous labor at any time you ask beyond their regular chores (I tend to save toilet cleaning, dusting off  piles of knicknacks, picking  up dog doo doo for the neighbors etc.. on this special list)

·        For the rest of the month continue to record when they would lose a dollar even if nothing there and when they reach another 15$ you get another 2hrs of free labor for you (at this point I usually run out of chores at our place and so send them for volunteer work at a friends or in the community)

·        Since I am a firm believer in teaching kids about money and not completely relating money to chores, I also give each kid another amount per month (equal to their age) that is untouchable. The purpose of this money is so that they learn how to manage money and become responsible tax paying citizens:)

Coming soon in this section 5-12 yrs Guiding them at a later date:

·        Chore lists

·        Dictees and calculations

·        Family dinners

·        Technology Rules

·        Friendships

·        Natural Consequences

·        Self Confidence

·        Independence

·        Essential sports-the 3 S’s (swimming, skiing & sailing)

·        Country Cows

·        Waking up and routines

·        Preparing for the next day

·        Consequences

·        Socializing with adults

·        Sex Talks

·        Traditions

·        Family Calendar

·        And much much more…….!

Falling in Love

(From June 19 2011,Father’s Day at Trent)

Some days are just perfect ones. Today was one of those. You look around d the dinner table and think to yourself " I did well.” All the kids were sitting outside under the gazebo and joking and laughing and connecting and loving each other. It was just one of those days. Made me think of  how one day my Protector and I will be sitting under that same gazebo alone and the three of them will have their own lives-and have each other. They will come home from a busy day at work and call each other and complain about it-or go to each other’s hockey games-or call and comment on the Music Awards show.

Days like this one-make it all worth it you know?

Sometime you have to make hard decisions but decisions you know are right. Bear had his final in hockey-but it was Father Day and we had planned the weekend at Trent with my Mom already by the time we got the hockey schedule. So we got our sitter at home and took my Mom and Chase and Beauty to the cottage as planned. He won! The NTR  Stanley cup! We were not there to see it and broke part of our heart. The other part knew were done right for the other 6 of us involved. It’s always hard to choose what is right. Who should sacrifice? As long as the decisions are done with care and weighed and thought out and communicated-the actual choice is not that important.

We came home to pesto pasta with chicken and home made garlic bread dinner  that Bear and his sitter had prepared. Table was set for Father’s Day outside. Everyone was happy.

Chase and Beauty had some jokes going on at the table about poo (as usual). Chase comes into the house after and says “ it  feels so nice Beauty and I have such a good relationship!” and I said “Yes of course you do!” “Was good for you to spend some time together at Trent just the two of you.”

I have firmly decided that cottage life is so super good for kids. It’s a home away from home. Takes them out of their natural habitat (which quite frankly with I-phones and computers and texting and TV-is really not that wonderful to be in) Let’s them wear their hair flat without caring-wear bathing suits that are all worn out and too small, let’s them cuddle up with their Dad on the bali bed, let’s them drop the teenager attitude by the door for a while and just be innocent kids. Let’s them take long showers, and sit and stare at the lake. Allows us to all be a family-every single weekend. Everyone says it won’t last-but I think it will. Cottage life in general has lasted  17 yrs already  for us and I don’t see that changing. I can’t wait to prove everyone wrongJ). Trent is my way of holding onto my kids. I won’t give up. They belong to the world 5 days a week and they belong to us the other 2. I will guard this with my life..

So all in all really for me was the perfect day and evening. I called this “falling in love” because it was really today that I feel in love with Trent too. All the uncertainly seemed to fade a bit under the rays of sunshine, the good food the good drink, the great company and the intimacy that weekend  between me and my wonderful hubby. All the sudden I seemed to be able to step outside of the boundaries of my trance and just see Trent for what it is-my future.

The future is friendly.

Weekly Gratitude

Thankful for Beauty:

·    “I will die if I am not in any of my friend’s classes! But I have only lived 9.5 years-it's been a short little life...”

(Note-she is not in any one of her friend’s classes and she is still aliveJ)

·        Overheard us adults talking (oops!) about a friend on vacation that has sex often with her husband. Beauty says to me next day when swimming in lake out of blue "That’s disgusting. Imagine doing the sex thing in a bed in a hotel that other people use??  I have to sleep in those sheets later!"

·        She always says-"Daddy is sooo cute" and squeezes her Dad’s face.

Thankful for Bear

·        Energetic passion for golf with no training (yet) but tons of drive and passion. So enthusiastic. So passionate

·        Was stressed about high school upcoming entrance exams and said” "I can’t handle this feeling inside of me-I need a stress ball or something!”

·        “I hate my IPod Touch now. I just want to throw it across the room and break it. It makes me not concentrate on what is important in my life”

Thankful for Chase

·        Golf ball finding fanatic. 57 in woods near cottage  golf course-cleaned  them all for 2 hrs straight  with his brother and friend and sold them. Made over 30 $

 

·        Every single night says “I love u” and  gives the best kisses ever

Heroes and Hearts

Last month I realized just how overwhelmed I am feeling in my life when I saw a big accident happen on the highway involving 6-7 cars. I saw 10 ambulances and a dozen fire trucks heading towards the chaos and towards the injured. A flash came right away through my mind and has lingered there over the last five days. "How safe it must feel in the arms of the fireman-he would be able to comfort you, to hold you, to breathe life into you. He would know exactly what to do to make you better.”

Trust me- I am not suicidal in the least nor do I want injury inflicted on me. Nor do I have a fireman fantasy (ok..maybe I do have a teeny weeny one)....I just realized in that moment how sick of being in control I really am.  Of being the stretcher much of the time people lie on, or being the blanket everyone needs. It made me realize I am just a tiny flower who needs some serious watering too.

It's funny though how often even if we know what we need-we have no idea how to get it isn't it?
I am sure that I have my husband just waiting around to have the chance to be my hero. To be my blanket. The question is how to change the dance?

It was hard for me to see those emergency trucks that day and to acknowledge that need in me. It's hard for me to write it here too-as at the end of the day- I still have not figured out what's broken and what the fireman needs to fix if he does stop by one afternoon.

What I do know is that I am going to pay closer attention and listen more for the sounds of those alarms and the swirling flashing light. Not on my way home from work-but closer yet-inside my soul.
I need to figure out a way to get that fireman to come and get me without having a heart attack or an accident. I need to learn to be supportable by others and allow their full contributions.


It's getting harder and harder to give-when in reality I have not a clue how to receive.

Strings and Bikinis

Strings and Bikinis

There are some woman in this world who just make the rest of us look bad by the very nature of who they are. Bitches! There I am having a nice romantic and relaxing afternoon on the lake with my Protector and we anchored to rest , talk and relax in the sun.

Boom...right in front of us pulls of this really cool fishing boat with like a 90 horsepower motor. At first I thought my husband was intrigued with the motor but then I turned back and realized what that thing was carrying in it… Two gorgeous MILFs in little tiny bikinis fishing with their little boy and little girl. And when I say fishing I mean the real thing. Worms on strings and everything! The worst part was that actually looked like they liked it and they weren't pretending either. When the one with the long dark hair and tiny tush bent over to change her bait- I truly believe she was not just trying to position her butt to look good for my husband (or I). She was actually really concerned she had lost her worm!

So all of this to say I could tell my Protector was very impressed. And oh no it had anything to do with his "subtle" comments of "Oh that is cool, a woman who can  drive a boat and likes taking their kids fishing! Or "Wow that is a super nice boat for woman to be driving-how cool is that that they teach their kids to fish!".
It was the silent admiration that got to me most-what he was thinking but not saying aloud.

The worst part was that it bugged me so much...because  I secretly admired them too. Less their bikinis (ok ok so that part  pissed me off too) but more their ability to do fun "guy" things with their kids and enjoy it. Looked like they had a zest for life. If it were me alone with a friend and my kids on a sunny hot day I would have surely tried to swim and suntan and hope the kids would tolerate it( knowing full well inside my heart that there were other things they would prefer but being to selfish of a mom to give it to them:(

So as I very shyly took off my clothes and stripped down to my normal  bikini and dove in to the cold lake ,I knew very well that this was my moment. I think both my husband and the fishing porn stars realized that they may fish but they would not even CONSIDER messing up their hair and jumping in the freezing water.
As I resurfaced from my swim; I took pride and delight in this freedom that I may have some serious work to do in the areas of fish but when it comes to wearing my hair in a wet ponytail and having no makeup and feeling full on confident this way rocking this au naturel look- these woman could not stand a chance next to me.

We went back to Trent (our cottage) and as another fishing boat passed by -this one with some normal old and potbellied men in it-I turned to hubby and said in my most excited voice I could muster «Wonder if he will catch a trout??" .

Got to start somewhere right?

Ice Ice Baby

(Written the first day of summer June 28 2011)

The first day of summer vacations always reminds me of an ice cream sandwich with three flavors. When you are eating the chocolate part you are always anticipating the taste of strawberry in your mouth-but then when you eat it you miss the chocolate part.

Whenever summer vacations are close around the corner I start to crave them heavily. Yay no more homework! No more routines! No more schedules! Then I actually get granted these wishes.

Today I took a day off to enjoy the kids on the first day of vacation. Not part of our family vacation just a regular day off at home. What realized is that it was not all that relaxing! I was thinking a few popsicles, a nice float in the pool, maybe a manicure…nope. First I drove Chase to sailing camp where he asked me not to say bye to him in front of his friends, next I asked Beauty to spend some girl time with me in the pool and she was delighted until another girl called her and invited her to another pool, third I watched Bear play on his ipod most the day-pretending he was really playing outside.

In between I did so many dishes too. Ok so throwing out all the junk in the house has led to my kids snacking on creamed corn and pea’s soup-but these things leave an even bigger mess. Sometimes I think the only reason I work is to stay away from cleaning up dishes. Truly I am not meant for domesticity.

I may complain-but here’s the strawberry part now. I ate a big buffet at Pizza Hut with Bear. We were so full and stuffed since we could not resist  the cinnambuns at the end (we even went as far as to throw out the cold ones when the piping hot ones made it to the buffet!)- I got to see my girl gingerly hang up her bathing suit and towel on the patio just so like I have prayed she would do for years! I got to have 3 big kisses from Chase after camp when his friends were not watching!

Watching my three children grow up-is incredibly fascinating for me. They are like one big science project. I study them, I research them…. I am in AWE of them. Taking a day off to just sit back and smell the flowers (and clean up the pea soup) is really, really nice. When I stop to ponder what I am really doing is connecting and caring. My kids today really made me sit up straight and notice them…and made me notice just how grown up they are becoming.

In between all that my blackberry broke, I had my amazing friend, my Soulkeeper, over and I fired off a hundred emails. I actually did float in my pool by myself for 45 minutes and have tan lines now to prove it.

It was a bit of a vanilla day all in all. Not perfectly yummy but extremely sweet and satisfying. Sometimes the best days after all are those that are just plain ordinary but extraordinary in their own way.

Collecting your Kids

I have always loved this expression. For me it sounds more like a way of life; I remember reading it and instantly bring inspired by it. I felt like “Wow how good that must feel as a kids to have your parents just “collect” you”. For me it implies security, warmth, embrace and direction. It is everything I aspire to both as a parent and as a human being in general.

So a few weeks ago after coming home from work, I reminded myself of the importance of collecting my kids and I did just that as I walked in the door. All weekend the term has been on my mind and all weekend has made a difference in the connectedness of our family.

Thursday , a few weeks ago was a blissful amazing day because I went back to work after being off a stay at home mommy for two days following our summer vacation at the cottage. My office smelled so damn good when I got there-I even loved the buzz of my computer.    A thousand complex problems to solve, a thousand emails and people barking at my door on deadlines felt heavenly peaceful and comforting compared to my lovely ,but out of my comfort zone, domesticity of the previous two days. Work is so natural while being at home mon-fri just feels weird. Good but weird.

So coming home Thursday night I knew how very important my work home transition would be to kids who were off all day playing, swimming and goofing off. They were all sitting on the couch watching TV and so I went to each one and hugged them tight and coddled them just like when they were infants. I commented on what they were wearing and looked deep into their eyes. The weekend same thing: each time I was near them I paid attention, cuddled them and collected them in my heart.

When I do it right it feels just like a warm and soft and fuzzy blanket being wrapped around us all-it feels like coming home.

So why is it so often difficult and hard to collect them? To let myself feel this amazing feeling? Why do I feel it so difficult to collect my husband since I know that this would be so welcomed by him? In collecting I feel that I fall in love so much harder- and feeling so much love hurts if ever you lose it right?

So for now I focus on teaching myself to collect them all as often as I can and bask in it’s sunshine. It’s a bit like when you are really angry and losing control and someone says"please collect yourself” I want to be this control for my kids , this inner voice that assures them that I am there always background or forefront looking out for them and helping them make good choices and decisions.

Collecting them like precious gems.