How do you Show Love?

Do you hold him and tell him he is yours?

Plan things out to make it all better?
Affirm him and make sure he knows how much you appreciate him?
Ensure things are perfect for him when he gets home?
Give your body and heart and soul to him and make sure he knows he is your one and only?
Cry in your pillow so that he can’t hear?
Do you protect him or affect him?
Give him his space or cozy up by him?
Do you save yourself for him?

Do you tell her the truth always?
Do you witness her life fully?
Do you accept and not judge?
Do you write tributes about her?
Do you listen well?
Do you let her faults wash away and focus on her strengths?
Do you let her love you fully? Do you let her in?
Do you let her slip away?
Do you let her hide?
Do you love her fully because she is her?

And she…..do you take comfort in her arms?
Do you tell her everything about yourself?
Does her pain eat away at you?
Do you love her unconditionally?
Do you share everything with her and your heart too?
Are you selfless?
Does she know you fully?
Can you become her?

And them….do they understand the weight of your love?
Does she know how lovely she is?
Does he understand how big he is in your mind?
Does he know how welcome the change is in him?
Does she know that without her you would never had found peace?
Does he know that because of him you have learned the true meaning of love?
Does he know that your pride in the person he is, is bigger than anything you have ever known?

Does she know how much you miss her?
How deeply you need her?
How much better your life is now?

Have you loved him enough?
Is his love enough?
Are your giggles and hugs ok?
Do you tell him often that he is one sexy boy?
Does he find comfort in your mind?
Will you set him free?
Will you learn?
Will his kisses melt your heart?
Does he adore you?
Does he think of you day and night?
Are you there, my love?

Do they feel the comfort in you?
Have you been enough?
Has your love been what they are looking for?
Will it sustain them forever?
Will they always be entirely yours?
Will you always ensure they are?
Will you?

How do you show your love? What is your language? What is theirs?

Is it good enough? Does it count? Do they understand?

Did you get it right? Did they?

Filling up My LoveTank

(This blog was supposed to have been posted in August but I forgot to post it. A special lunch this week with Childhood Wonder made me remember. She was the one a few years back who reminded me how important it is to share with ones close to you when you are going thorugh something important to you and not just share the process after.  She showed me that it is ok to take up space when you need it.She reminded me of the importance of both giving and receiving in a friendship.Of trusting a freind to help you. As we sat at lunch talking and discussing about an important issue she is facing now....I thought back to the week before where she so unselfishly also took her time and helped me with an important issue I was facing...and I interally smiled for the good fortune of good friends. For the gift of friendship and for being there for eachother...through life as it occurs whatever which way that may look like)

Below a post of gratitude:

There is this friend I have and she is pretty darn special.

Her name is Chilhood Wonder.

I was reading a book yesterday which reminded me of her a lot. It is called the “Five Languages of Love” and they talk about how some people fill up your love tank and how others deplete them. She most definitely fills mine up.

She and I met in grade 4 and were the best of friends for so many years of our elementary and high school years. For me…she really made these years exceptional. I loved having a BEST friend and she was just that. We shared so much together, I biked fast and furiously to see her new haircut, we spent endless hours at the pool suntanning and talking about the cute older boys, we made up dances and skits and shared nuggets at McDonald’s together with our allowances. We tried to pretend to shoplift a jujube (a post for another time..) and we fought over mattresses, GOD! and swings. We belonged together and to each other and our elementary and high school years were filled to the brim with each other.

She made these years wonderful for me.

Childhood wonder is still a very, very big part of my life. She is one of my most precious friends. There were many years where our lives and our friendship changed…..but love was always there. Always. I knew in a second (and I hope she did too) that we were just a bike ride or meeting half way from each other. Both of us did a lot of changing over those years and our lives are very different still, if I had to say of all my friends who my life is most different from it is likely she and I; which is so funny because we spent so much of our lives growing up together. But these differences never tore us apart…….we continued loving each other and growing and changing in our own lives.

We were always there for each other for the big things and it was always such a comfort. Over the last few years our bond has strengthened a lot and we share so many parts of ourselves with each other. She is my texting buddy, my advisor in many ways for advice, my writing mind and the person I go to when I need to feel understood. She is an amazing listener and helper and sees things in different ways than I do which is so good for me. She is honest with me and honest in what she needs, She takes me out of my warm and comfy comfort zone and shakes it up every once in a while. She ask for what she needs in life…and I admire that so.

When I think of her I think of her parents and how much I adored them as a child. Their bagels with melted cheese, Pac-man, dips and veggies, Trident gum in the drawer. Those memories bombard my mind with comfort and peace and adoration. I loved the tradition their home held, church on Sundays and gin for her Dad in the adult living room at night. Kind words and hugs and gentle probing. Arms wide open for me too…imagine how good that felt?

(See at this point this is where the tears begin to flow as I write. Just thinking of those memories is enough to fill me up and lose it. Part of me growing apart in so many ways from Childhood Wonder and my Soul keeper too, was like a child going into adolescence…differentiating me from the ones I loved for independence and freedom).

In essence-they knew too much. So much more than everyone who met me later on. I am not quite sure with either of them around too often if I would have been able to estrange myself from my Father for the years that I did; to ignore that I was his daughter for such a length of time. They would have reminded me that I needed him back in my life, that I needed a Father..and I was not ready to hear that in those years in my life.

It is not coincidence that at the time I went through the process of forgiving my Father and myself that I allowed Childhood Wonder and my Soul Keeper back fully into my heart. These two events happened simultaneously….as I always knew they needed too. Maybe one day I will talk to these two girls more about this process for me..but for now I will just shyly write about it.

Both these women are strong and gracious and selfless in their affections. Both are able to be constant friends no matter what good or bad things are happening in their own lives. Neither of them ever takes a pause..from either their friendships or their priorities no matter what is going on. Both have been there for me always even when I have selfishly taken my own (needed) pauses.

So Childhood Wonder is still a wonder for me. We are so very different and so very much the same in so many ways. She has never been far-I have dreamt of her so often over the years, she was always so close in my mind and in my heart. And just like her parent’s love and home……her love for me is comforting and warm and secure. That is what she is-someone who loves me for who I am, and does not try to change me but rather patiently waits as I alter myself, and who takes the good with the bad, and who is there a shining force through the good times and bad times that life beholds for us both.

And just like those mini pizzas on bagels, there is always part of me who will run towards this kind of love and another part that will always fear it and run the other way. To be loved fully…..it’s scary in some ways as I grow up and leave my “adolescence “ behind….I realize how much further I have come in running towards things that make me feel good, instead of in the other direction paralyzed by fear that the things I love most will somehow go away..someday. Wouldn’t that hurt way too much?

So Childhood Wonder has been a very large part of my journey. As a woman, as a Mother, as a daughter and as a friend. She likely does not know it yet, but because of her…I have come further than I think I would ever have come without her in my life. A lot further.

And my heart is so eternally grateful.

I adore her baby girl and adore the beautiful and true person she has always been. My hearts aches for her pain in her troubled times and I look forward and forward to all the rainbows that I know are hers. I look ahead for her…because that is what I am good at and I think she understands that she can depend on me for that. That is the way I show love. It is my Love Language.

And this week especially I think of the two of us at Frontier Lodge, sleeping in our bunks and holding hands often….both receiving stickers and letters from our Mommies and sharing their contents. Being there for each other as we were fueled by the strengths of our Moms each in different ways.

And more than anyone I know when it comes to those Moms……..we understand eachother….and we will support each other. We grow up as daughter and as Moms together each in our own ways, because we were taught by two of the very finest of them all. Both fundamentally opposites in so many ways…both so very different…..but both so beautiful, and wonderful and strong.

Just like the two of us.

Learning the Love Lanaguages of the other. Taking some of that vocabulary and adding it to our own mothering suitcases. To enhance and diversify in wonderful and beautiful ways.

Thank You:)

Are you Kidding Me??

This expression ran through my mind a lot last week. I almost said it out loud a few times but held back.

In the stir-fry line at work, on my way home, in line at a restaurant, I asked other people about their vacation plans and many said “ Well I was going to take next week off, or the next, but work is too busy..so I think I will cancel. My spouse is going to kill me”.

With the risk of offending anyone reading this blog…this is how strongly I feel about this:

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Get a life! 

(no offense I often say this to the people I care most about) Sometimes a serious wake up call is in order.

And it was not one person who said this to me but many. And it was as if they expected me to look at them and say” Wow..you really are a hero”.

Personally I think it is a pathetic way to function. If I cancelled my vacation every time I had a pile of work to be done on my desk, or when an important meeting was being held, or someone preferred I not take vacation at all…I would barely know my three children. I would go nowhere. I would always be at work. I would live there.

There is always a reason to cancel vacation. But you don’t.

It has been nineteen years my husband and I have been together (16 married) and not once have we cancelled a vacation week, weeks or even a day. And we both have very big and demanding jobs. My husband runs his own legal office and has a zillion clients and not once has he cancelled a vacation. He has had clients bitch and scream, and almost threaten him that he will be off for 3 weeks in summer……but this does not faze him. We come first. For those precious three weeks anyway.

And at my work, there is always a million and one reasons that come up that make it hard to take vacation, but I choose not to reprioritize my life based on factors I cannot control. I am not indispensable, I can delegate, I can shift projects and I can bear to miss important visits and meetings. Because if I did not…I would never take vacation, and that is just plan mean to my family.

So yes we protect our time and we always have. On vacation we are less apt to use our email or our phones, we rarely check emails for work and when we do we make sure that it is because it energizes us (me!!) and not depletes us (him!!). But we are careful with our time and our energies.

We try to lessen our to do lists..and our responsibilities and use our free time for each other and our children. For spontaneous cuddles and chats and watching movies and swimming. We protect our time fiercely.

My Mom even said to me last night that she needed to call Hubby to ask him how to use DVD player at our house and she could sense my hesitation (just want to talk to her for pleasure and not use mine or hubby's head in this time)…..it’s as if these weeks are a rare gift and I want to savor every moment. My husband is the same he is annoyed by going to buy more milk when we run out or having our guy who cuts our grass call and want to be paid during these precious times…It’s extreme I know and ridiculous and over the top (of course we can help my Mom with the DVD player with pleasure!!) but just shows how busy we are the rest of the year. How demanding our life is ..and how instead of escaping to Bora Bora..we escape to here in our own way which is harder because we are around. How we demand that all we do in those weeks……are for enjoyment. So opposite our real lives.

No one is ever going to hand you these moments on a silver platter..it’s up to you to carve them out for your spouse and for your kids. To make time to be fully theirs right?

One of my clients asked me the other day what I thought was a n indicator of marriages not working out…what I have seen and witnessed over the years. My answer?  If by February you have not planned as a couple your summer vacations as a couple or a family….it is not looking too good for your long term marriage I am afraid.

Couples and families who stay together..play together I firmly believe. And work hard play hard is a double edged sword there are two sides. If you don’t have the energy and will to plan your precious time off……it’s not looking good baby.

And that is what I think on this subject. Strongly as you can see.

People who cancel their vacations outside of huge family and personal and health emergencies annoy me to no end. Or unless they are a President or a VP and  work for a company where in their roles vacations are not expected in the first place;  if that is what they choose and signed up for then that is fine by me.  Just dont say you are taking vacation and don't unless you have a damn good reason....

If even one single person reads this blog and decides not to cancel their vacation..I will be pleased as punchJ

Remember at your funeral it’s your family that cries and gets up and talks about you…not the employee in the next office. Give that family and friends your time and your heart.  Second chances don’t always happen.

Awakening

Today.

Our 16th anniversary. Also our first day on holidays-without the kids for the first few days. As we arrived last night at 1am here at Trent…I felt light..and carefree….5 days of no working..no worrying. I even decided to completely disconnect; from emails too. To really be present in this nice break with my Hubby and enjoy our time together for this week. Worry only about each other.

But here I am now at the end of the day; having spent most my day worrying about my daughter. Why might you ask since she is at camp having the time of her life? The camp she chooses herself and we visited together that she counted down the days and hours before it was time to go there?

The camp that has a visiting day on the weekend after the first week?? Damn those nuns for wanting kids to visit their parents during camp (sorry nuns!). I mean what kind of camp does that??

 So in our mind it was stupid and weird…I mean those kids who get homesick and cry at camp, how does this formula  make sense to see their parents again and have to be dropped off again? But even if weird and stupid,we knew our girl loves camp, so not a big deal. Our girl does not cry when dropped off, or sit there missing us all day or think of us all moment of everyday or hold a picture to us to her heart. No way.

Well apparently she does. Often and a lot. She was a mess, and now so are we.

Hold on now though..if this situation was such an utter mess I likely would not be wring about it in this way would I? There is often a little rainbow in every storm..sometimes it’s a big rainbow,sometimes it is close to a miracle too. A little bit of a miracle also happened today..maybe those nuns really do know what they are talking about. Maybe our sad and hard visit happened for a reason, for a bigger reason that will affect our lives and futures?

Beauty, as adorable and sweet and smart as she has always been has not been the most forthcoming child emotionally. She keeps a ton in. She is not a huge hugger or kisser most days of the week, and has an extremely difficult time articulating feelings…and often identifying feelings. She has never been shy at all..it is not introversim, but rather just not a hugely emotional type of gal. And it’s really obvious amongst our family because we are a very, very emotional family. And affectionate family. It always has worried us.

 Over the years it has concerned her Dad and I a lot. At 6 yrs. old she went to play therapy for 6 months to try and access these feelings. It helped a bit, and over the years it has improved a lot….but I still often have the feeling that there is so much more to Beauty than she lets out. I know there are layers to her that I can’t seem to get at..and it often makes me sad because …..I often feel like I don’t try hard enough either. That sometimes she does not want to cuddle or hug and so I try to respect that and I know that is the wrong thing to do. I sometimes feel rejected by my  girl and seek solace in the welcoming arms of my boys. Bad Mommy.

 And as she grows up we see more and more of this emotional and cuddly side of our girl and when we see it we gobble it up. But it is never there for long, it peeks it’s head and then hides back away. We have been chasing her for years.

Well my goodness me, holy macaroni did we ever see that girl today. She shared her feelings flawlessly, with emotion, articulation. She was loving, affectionate and adorable. She shared every part of herself deeply with us. As sad as everything she was telling us made me feel for her…….I loved her so incredibly much and felt so happy for her freedom of expression. I was overcome for emotion for her. I have missed this girl like crazy. I feel like I have her back.

Basically she likes the camp, but she misses us to the point of no return. She cries often and is anxious about crying and is wondering what is wrong with her to be so upset when she is enjoying camp. She says she can’t stand missing us so much. This is soooooo unlike her; she doesn’t do this at all usually. She was in tears a good part of the 5 hrs we spent with her. Beauty was a complete and utter open mess today.

And so we cuddled her and held her, and made her laugh by saying how boring we were and why would she miss us bossing her around to do chores so much?  We listened to her and coached her. We tried to change her thoughts and  provide her alternate ways to frame this experience. We kissed in front of her (as that always makes her so secure and happy), and we hugged her and hugged each other. We wrote her an extra five news letters to take with her and gave her advice on what to do when she is feeling blue. We advised her to never let an experience pass her by and to enjoy every moment life holds. We told her not to worry about worrying..and that becoming a preteen is full of emotion. We bought her candy and rubbed her back.

And we told her in no uncertain terms that she was going back for the second part of camp.

We told her we believed in her fully and that she was fully capable. We told her that this was a good experience even if it was hard.

We asked her what she would have done if she was us and had a 10 yr old  girl like her in this state and she said so shyly and sweetly” I would do like you Mommy..I would say exactly the same thing. I would tell her I believe in her the way you believe in me. I would tell her I was proud of her when she came home and was able to have a great time even if she missed her Mom and Dad.”

And this was music to our ears. I am not sure I have ever felt so proud or happy. Of her. Of me. Of us.

 So I sent our little girl back with tears and lots of them with candy and letters in hand and an extra blanket. I cried all the way home.

And tonight I will take the advice I gave my baby and use it for my own thoughts. I will focus on us and now and enjoy it and not think of how worried I am for her.

I will go down to my dock with my 16 candles and eat my beautiful meal..and have my 16 minutes of foot massage..and listen to the 16 things my sweet husband loves about me in the Jacuzzi. I will fall asleep under the stars and get back to my unworried bliss because this time does not come around often in my life.

All because I love her so..and I have worked so hard to come complete with my kids capability…and I have. And she is my girl and I need to do this for her too.

 So I start this night feeling complete mainly. And look forward to that rainbow that I told her about when she returns safely in my arm. A bit of a beginning for us really..in a place where our daughter can feel free to tell us the deepest corners of her heart.

And most importantly..where we are in a place where we are ready to hear it and receive it.

Where we can handle her sadness and her pain without letting it crush us. Where we truly believe that she will handle it and figure it out. Where she shows us not just happy her..but sad her too. And knows that that is perfectly ok.

Happy Meals

Like all little children do….I love McDonald’s too.

I am not sure why but I still always considering it a special little treat and one that I save in my pocket for particularly special days.

Maybe it is because my Mom used to bring me there every Monday night before ballet on the bus and share secrets over hamburgers with just ketchup and no pickles? Or because my best friend and I in grade 5 used to save up our funds and splurge on a big pack of McNuggests with BBQ dipping sauce? Or maybe it is because McDonald’s is a master marketing powerhouse and ensure that  the large majority of adults and children tie emotional experiences to their very basic food?

In any case I love McDonald every once and a while and will take it any day over any other fast food chain.

About once a month, I will stop on my way somewhere and get a Happy Meal.  You know the ones for kiddies? I estimate that the hamburger one with fries and the small Diet Coke is a mere 400 calories only. So really a diet lunch as far as I am concerned. And when I can combine a low cal lunch with such pleasure and anticipation…it makes it all that more special.

So yesterday on my way back from a meeting, I stop in for my Happy Meal. I always feel a little nervous ordering it. Not only because I don’t have my kids with me and people give me funny looks, but also because I never know what to do with the toy they include? Also I always worry that that little amount of food won’t fill me up and I will still be hungry.

So I anxiously order and take my little meal outside to enjoy on the terrace. I open it up and realize that they have included a little mini-go yogurt. How sweet! Throw it in the garbage…. I would rather an ice-cream.

And then I realize what McDonald’s has done!!!!

They have changed the Happy Meal after 40 yrs.!!!!

The have Slimisized the fries!!!!! OMG!  Aren't they supposed to Supersize things and not take things away?They are in this little red package just like the big fries for adults but there are like 20 of them only! This is ludicorous…….so I read the calorie intake and it is 100 calories. So now my meal is 250 calorie and the fries will take me about 20 second to gobble up.

Was that yogurt supposed to please me and help reduce the shock of this enormous change???

So I resist the urge to go back to the counter and complain or order the bigger fry. And tell myself that I will if I am still hungry (Duh..who over 50 lbs would not be hungry???) that I can always order some more fries then.

So I sit there and eat..Trying to enjoy every bit and fry…and after 15 bites (which is also when the meal ended), I realize I am content and not hungry anymore and that the Happy Meal was enough for me. My eyes are bigger than my tummy apparently.

Yay for intuitive eating!

As a side story I sit bedside a woman with two little kids and there she is texting all the meal and talking on the phone with all her friends, and mother in law, and husband and friend from high school. While they kids are trying to ask her question and get her attention; she talks and texts away. And it reminded me:

This is why I do not very want to be a stay at home Mom. I would likely be her: there but not there at all really.

I would rather be at work, and be happy there, and have my kids under the care of someone who is being paid as a job, to be focusing on them instead of wishing they were somewhere else.  And now..when I do take my kids out to lunch…I am, theirs and they are mine (with of course the occasional text or phone chat here or there but that is the exception).

It made me realize how happy I am that I provide my kids the luxury of a stay at home life in many ways by delegating this to the right people for this important job.

But that right person is just not me. And it never was. I belong in the boardroom and coming home to the joyful end of day with my family. Where a text is rarely as important as they are because I have missed them so.

So as I sat there and watched this Mommy with her kids and ate my little meal-I felt content in my decisions and my appetite.

Just like I always feel at McDonalds. Happy and Content.

(an no I am not a secret marketer for the Big Arches-just a sentimental kind of girl who has been wickedly hooked).

Bookworm

I can be a bit obsessive when it comes to books. Whenever I have a long vacation coming up…I get really nervous and start to feel that I may not have enough books to read, so I always go buy more.

So this year for my 3 weeks vacation (with 3  kids keep in mind,so not like I have all the time in the world to sit there and read!) I bought 22 books and borrowed 5 others. And I have 4 that I had bought last month that I have not read.

Box after box is being shipped to my husband’s office. He is bewildered at how I will possibly read more than 1.5 books per day?

But I will.

(....and be available for most the day to hang out with my family and kids and hopefully be somewhat emotionally present).

When it comes to books I always find a way. Likely the 5 days we don’t have the kids I will double up and maybe read 3 books per day? Or stay up until 3am overnight on my vacation? Or read every spare moment I get (aka while peeing on the toilet, floating on the lake, while kids make dinner with hubby, while they golf).

My Dad also was a speedreader so some of that got handed down to me. I absorb the page as quickly as some people gulp down a cold beer on a hot day. Often however I read more slowly to enjoy it more…indulge in it and savor the pages.

I love reading and am actually fascinated that I have never joined a book club. I rarely discuss my books,which I should. I just indulge in them. I am vowing to find a bookclub this Fall..it needs to be done. And hoping to have a few of my friends join with me-great way to see eachother more often.

I always buy a mix of three categories (Fiction, Self Help or Business and Parenting)

This year I have 15 parenting books and all are how to survive teens. After 21 days of studying this……I think I will be mighty fine on the survival of them and set up for a good long whileJ

Fiction is always all over the place-from light and beach-to heavy or ethnic focused to whatever anyone recommends to me. My taste for fiction is very, very diversified. I love absorbing myself into other people’s lives and problems. As long as there is drama and tragedy in it..I am there! I also seem to like Shades of Grey too! Finished second one and still scared to open third one. But I most definately WILL. Grey and Anastsia bring out a crazy mix of emotion in me.

Self help is whatever topic I am obsessed about at that given moment. For this year seems to be peace, happiness and the more Buddhist approach to life. Other years could be professional and career, business books and money focused. Other year could be marriage and couple or health and fitness.

If you look at my bookshelves-you know where I am at at that point and time.

I grew up with one entire level of our home being completely devoted to a library…literally thousands of books.

That I never, ever touched. What a crying shame that my way to rebel against my Dad was to not be obsessed like he was with reading. Just to ensure I did not make him too proud.

So hopefully one day my children will find love in books. So far they have not. They read for school and often like the books…but takes a lot for any of them to get into a good summer read…or enjoy it. Sometimes when they are not being forced to, I see them pick up something and it makes my heart wild with pride. It happens very seldomly though. I have to say I have been a crappy Mom in this area; I am not sure I read more than one fairytale to any of my kids, seems crazy since I have such a love of books? Guess we can’t win them all can we..?

I look at my two bookworm nieces and I am so utterly happy for them. They will always have their books….forever. I miss that for my kids as they seem so dependent on others, and each other. Where for people who love books…..books are often their best friend.

I like having friends too, but books are a close second.

So all in all I am looking very forward to my upcoming vacation, to sleep in later, to nap, to swim, to kayak, to eat cupcakes and to read. To come back a smarter person than I was 3 weeks prior. To be an expert on teens by then in terms of knowlege read (as will have read 67 other books this year on this subject so will now have 82 read)..And to come back with a plan, a vision and a strategy of what they next 8 yrs. of our lives will look like and how I can best support it. Then to take that to the next level and coach on it specifically and write my own books on it.

To come back happily spent from my weeks of the written word. With a sparkle in my eyes and love in my heart.

Books are right up there for me, with sleeping on water and messing around on boats. I think the way I feel about books is the way most people feel about drinking , sex and gardening.

My Dream

I have many dreams, but this is one of them. A top of my list type of thing. And my Protector made it come true for me last weekend just in time for our 16^th anniversary this week.

My dream takes the shape of sleeping as humanly close a possible to the water, and hearing the birds singing and humming as I wake up at sunrise. Of hearing the water lap and move as I open my eyes and smelling the pine in the trees. Of cuddling under blankets  from our old cottage that bring me back to the times my kids were babies, and piling all of those blanketson top of us because the air is chilly and cold outside.  Of having our bodies feel warm and our faces cold.Of putting candles on the dock and looking at the stars of night shine in the dark sky.

Of getting that feeling back of being close to nature and in nature. Of being able to wake up in the morning and if noone is around, jumping into the cold lake naked and swimming out to the other dock and swimming back and being wrapped up in a big fluffy towel. Of never wearing makeup and of never caring. Of peeing in the bushes and ignoring all technology.

Of letting the waves rock me to sleep soundly.Inhaling nature at the cottage which I love more than anything in the world.

(So my dream came true…and was very close to the sentiments above with only a few minor differences ).

My Hubby built me a dock right on the water at Trent for us to sleep in. A gazebo fully screened in tent that covers the bali couch that turns into a bali bed to sleep on-just like in Bali! (Ok so he did not build the dock himself although he could if he had the time…and ok he did not pay for it either as the proceeds from the famous naked portrait of my Dad did that…) But he had it built for me…and he lovingly put up the tent. He did that. And not in the Fall..but NOW. For me.

Most importantly he agreed to this indulgence. And very importantly he agreed to sleep there a good part of the summer, with me.

So my description above is real…except for the sleep part. Because it is hard to actually sleep when there are waves, on a small little tiny couch, which is not meant to sleep on so has a part that is hollow and hurts our backs, and hard not to be annoyed when woken up by the birds singing loudly. And the first night we slept there we had to have my blackberry set super early as to both get back to the city for work.

BUT…it was still AMAZING. And I am sure we will get used to it. And we made up for the lack of sleep last night and slept 9 hrs. straight inside in a real bed! We never do that! It feels really good to get some proper rest in a proper bedroom. I am in a good mood today.

All in all..my dream has come true. And I don’t care how he built it or not built it himself, or how he paid or not paid for it himself…all I care about is that he made it happen..somehow..for me…right in time for our anniversary and for our time off without the kids at Trent.

This is my spa. This is  our future. LimeSpa. Our dream that will someday come true in about  a decade or so. This is the beginnings of what it all feels like to change and alter and shift and do things differently. This is the beginnings of what happens when you open your eyes to a whole new context and are open to what you might see.

A dock on the water to sleep....ahhhhhh...I feel so happy.

(Now if my husband can transport some loud croaking frogs over from the other swampy lake I will be in sheer heaven).