Not so Many Popcorn Moments Anymore...

Life has changed recently.
 
In the "old" days, I used to take by three kids to the movies in their pyjamas on a rainy Friday night and have them fight who would get to sit beside me.
This Friday night, I offered to take my three kids with each a friend to the movies. I carefully selected the movie "Wimpy Kid Dog Days". Something everyone would enjoy right?
 
Well Beauty, her friend and I loved it!
 
The boys decided not to attend that movie or really want to be seen with me or the girls much.
But that was ok. They sat at a booth close to us for poutines.

They went to see a PG rated movie even if half of them were 12 and I helped them get in (baaad mommy, but this is who I am I can't stop it), they walked behind me far to go to the car and texted me when the movie was over.
 
So it was a separate night but I still felt very much together. Standards go down when you have tweens.
 
I still loved that the boys say “I love u” at least three times during the evening in front of their friends just beacuse, I still get to have them ask me how my movie was when their one is done; I still have them ask me if I can supervise a midnight swim when they get home. And lucky for me-I still got to have my daughter cuddle with me and hold my hand the entire durationn of Wimpy Kid. It all felt equally good. My kids are good eggs.
 
They still share their lives with me-just in a different way than they used to. I am much more of a witness than my once full on contributer.
 
And here I am , almost Midnight still supervising the pool as my eyelids are heavy. I am so quiet here in the dark, my son did not even realize I was watching. I hear all their converstaions go on about who is dating who, who is ugly, who is beautiful, who is dumb and who is smart. I  don't interject  or interupt...my lessons are over in front of their freinds at this age.
My husband out playing poker at the yacht club with some guys friends. I am mostly alone
 
 
Life is changing.
They are changing.
I am changing.
 
I am so looking forward to unravel our next decade together.
Shared popcorn or not..it is still a delight and my possibly naïve goal is to keep it that way for as long as possible

August

There is something about August that is different than July. It has always felt like the end of summer to me even if there are still three more weeks until school starts (ok well 2.3 weeks).

The days are just a bit shorter, it is always a bit darker, the rain seems to fall more often and the skies are less lit up in general. Eventhough there are beautiful August days it just does not feel like July.

I am certain it is mental too-I mean flyers advertising school supplies are not helping, notices for orientations being sent from the schools, family starting to ask about X-mas plans, and booking our Spring Break trip make it seem like we are onto the next season.

Even at work-it does not feel like summer anymore-things are back to rock and roll after a very short maybe 2 day somewhat quieter season in July. Meetings are being planned for end of year and project deadlines and plans being conjured up by the minute.

It’s interesting this particular summer, as usually by this point after vacation is over, I feel pretty ready to start thinking of kids going back to school and anticipating it to some degree. Often I feel they are ready to get back to some good old structure and routine and I look forward to less chaos myself having them home while I am at work.

But for some reason this summer….I don’t have that feeling (yet)

Things have gone incredibly smooth (so far) this summer. Ok knock on some serious wood now! This is like proclaiming “my kids are never sick” and then going home to three of them barfing all night long. Just keep your stupid mouth shut!

The kids have in general been getting along really well; they have been content, not bored, not too annoying on most days, have been cleaning up after themselves, doing a good job of taking care of each other, being good sitters to their sister, seeing lots of friends, being content when there are not friends to see and hanging out with each other. Offering to make a salad for dinner, letting me know where they are and with whom, and rolling up all the hundreds of dollars of spare change in the house and not even demanding a cut!

Ok ok… there have been really crappy days too of course where I could throw them all out the window but in general it has been a really relaxed and good and easy summer (so far).

So I stopped and pondered today…maybe all that stuff I did since they were two years old…all the values I have been teaching them, all the family nights, and lessons learned, and structure, and routines and recognitions and consequences, and short terms and long terms thinking, and creating networks for them, and focusing on what I think is best…..

Might just be working!!!!!!! Maybe it actually has been having an impact!

Maybe. Just maybe everything is going to be ok.

They are going to be more than ok

Maybe. And just maybe….

I can breathe.

(until the police call and tell me that my little 14 yr guy who I think is with all his friends all week innocently hanging out at the park with a whole crew of friends is really drinking, smoking, doing drugs and kissing girls in bushes).

I like being naïve if that is the case. Keep me in the dark for a few weeks more?

Truth from the Mouth of Babes

Kids seem to always know best; they take things to the simplest and purest form. I love this about kids.

My teen also seems to have this ability.

He had told me that the gift we gave his friend and his family of flying would be perfect because it would make them happy and smile. He thought and hoped it might possibly make everything ok. I clearly told him it was a great idea, but that I wish it were only that simple.

But he ended up being right. For that hour of time…I think they were happy and smiling and everything seemed ok. Chase knew what they needed. They needed to fly

That hour will go down in history for me as one of the best hours of my life.

They got all dressed up in the gear

And soared and soared right to the top

Their sweet faces were all lit up and proud and happy and full of pure joy

Their Mom’s face looked the same way

She got to have a mental break

She got to feel pure happiness for that time

Their sweet Grandma was with us too-and she got to think about her grandchildren flying even after losing her precious son

My kids faces during flying I have never quite seen those expressions before either. It was as if they were 2 yrs old again and had just seen Christmas and stockings. I have never seen them look so happy and free; it took me back to their youngest years. I put down the camera because I just wanted to soak in those faces.

Was it the flying? Was it the giving? Was it witnessing such happiness on the faces of the other three kids?

It was phenomenal.

So yes Chase……you did well. We did well. We did make them happy and smile and it was the perfect gift. I think we all learnt last night that the best thing to do in life is to give in abundance and be witness to the joy that that giving can provide.

And I had this feeling inside of me that their Dad liked seeing their faces that way too all the way up there from Heaven. Getting to see them soar and free and peaceful, even if just for a few moments. He must have liked seeing that very much.

Life is hard. And beautiful.

Managing Blog Expectations..

A friend of mine recently shared this wisdom with me about her new blog that she was going to set expectations and write always Mon-Wed-Fri. So now I open her blog only on those days. Good idea!

Doesn’t work for my blog though because I am a very spontaneous writer…I love it…it is a passion for me….I write as often as I can possibly find the time too. I can’t schedule my blogs like that because I can’t keep my thoughts inside of me when they want to be written. I like writing a blog on the same day I post it.

But………I need to manage expectations for the next little while as I often in the last weeks have written 5 -6 posts per week and that will need to come to an end for the time being.

I am cutting down to likely 2 per week for the next few months. (Or 3-4 if I can find the space in my schedule)!!!!

I am feeling excited that my writing has been in demand lately in other placesJ)) (more on this at a later date) .

So don’t give up on reading me just because I am cutting down short term….I am still here and might surprise you and delight myself and write as much as I always have in the past.

But just in case, just wanted to let you know.

Thanks for reading me! I am very pleased when I have seen all my international readers’ stats creeping up and up……I never imagined this.

The Fine Art of Entertaining

This post is not about what type of silverware to use or what kind of fancy food to serve.I could not care less if I serve or I am served on plastic plates or fine china; if I eat Fritos chips or caviar. If I am hosted a cabin in the woods, in a tent or in a mansion.

I care about getting to spend time with people I love. Pointe Finale.

It is not uncommon for us to have very large groups of people (often 15 and more) at our home and our cottage several times over the summer and sometimes even several times within the same week. Sometimes for several days.

People think we are crazy. The guests who come say that they think we are laid back and wonderful hosts (and crazy). For us we have it all down pat by now and have certain things we stand by when we entertain large groups who stay over that work for us.

I dare to share the below:

 1-When we entertain at our house vs. our cottage it is different. At the cottage we are inviting people into our relaxation time most of the time and we want to relax too so we all share a good part of the work. Each family is expected to make one meal, from the planning to the shopping to the cooking to the cleaning up. We started this with the Chez Vetos, extended it to the Holidays and Sweethearts and now are expanding this cottage rule to anyone who comes to stay overnight.

It works-it is fun-makes our guest feel less guilty when we are constantly cooking and cleaning-and makes us happy when we get to relax a bit and have guests and not be slaves the whole weekend. Win win.

And….we get to try really yummy different food. We had a Mexican fest today you should have seen my brother and his family cook!!!! Homemade salsa, guacamole, tacos, lemonade. Better than any resto I have ever been to and I went out on my boat and texted my friend and spend time with Hubby while this feast was being cooked.

 2-Have guests help with the cleaning up. If you have a bunch of kids around like I do this weekend, assign each of them 2 chores and watch then have a ball doing them. Share the love.

3-Make everyone comfortable. Let them pour their own drinks, mess up your house. Don’t be anal about your things or where things go. Let them relax and enjoy themselves.

 4-Let everyone do their own thing and be ok with that. Read that book of you want to-go to bed early if you need too. Some boat-some hike-others play Life. You are all here to enjoy.

 5-If you only see them once in a while-take lots and lots of pictures and make sure you get the perfect one to frame.

 6-Buy lots of beer and have lots of alcohol on hand. Guests crave a good drink.

 7-Change your outfits many times and give a bit of a fashion show. That’s always fun!

8-Have many throw covers on all the couches so people want to relax and get cozy.

9-Before they leave make a date for the next time they will come so that you get it into the agenda right away

10-Don’t make sleeping arrangements too practical or they will stay forever….nothing like a few pull out couches to do the trick-hahhahahhahahah just kidding.

11-Most of all and in conclusion don’t be afraid of big gangs and entertaining. It’s no big deal if you don’t make it one. If you ask people to pitch in, and help out and help clean up everyone will have blast. And more than anything it is great for your kids to see their friends and family and experience them living together and seeing the various ways people parent and the differing cultures of families. It’s a good example for your kids for them to see you being such a great and natural host or hostess and they will carry this with them-the important message that:

 Your home is welcoming and others love to be there. They will be proud of you. You will be proud of you. And you will have created another beautiful memory.

My Perfect Day (in real life)

Watching my guys fishing in the rain

Quietly reading on the dock under the rainfall

The perfect rainbow

Weather doesn’t matter

Making something simple for dinner

Everybody Happy

Deciding to go to bed early (midnight that is)

Getting in our pyjamas and walking through the cedar path with flashlights

Smelling the sweet scent of pine

Covering the little bed in the tent with our three favorite blankets; one from when I was a child and two from the old cottage

Lighting candles beside our “bed”

Chatting about our day (the same day as the last 17 days really of doing a whole lot of nothing)

Falling into each other’s arms in the moonlight

Feeling in love

Going for a little swim under the stars

Falling asleep with the gentle wind on our faces and our bodies warm and cozy

Waking up to a family of 8 ducks in the sunlight

Swimming as we wake up for a long time even before his morning coffee

Him snorkeling and me floating both together

Wishing it could last forever

Trekking upstairs to the house in our PJ’s to fetch milk, coffee and  warm cinnamon buns

Being able to have this time together even with three kids

Realizing life is sweet on some days

Both feeling like it was the perfect day

(if I had not lost my temper and called my husband an idiot for leaving the keys in the car ignition and burning the battery of the car and preventing me from being able to go do my errands before my gang of 15 arrived the next day-it would have been absolutely perfect.

(We settled for almost.)

Yummy

 I don’t have a ton of real “Aha” moments.

Maybe it is because I am a control freak, or a know it all, or not spiritual enough or just plain boring.

(yes trust the process, connect the dots etc..were all great but they belonged to other people who taught me how to live into them)

I have some aha moments, and likely many over the years but not that many that are completely unexpected and spontaneous. I don’t think I have that many life altering ones; ones that take place on a deep unconscious level. I am just too controlling for those beautiful freeing and wonderful moments.

Until now that is.

Today I had one. After a night of crying myself to sleep for no damn good reason at all….Of course my period came today but also a peace washed over me and somehow my view of the world also altered in some strange and wonderful way.

Something very important shifted for me.

I am actually not going to get into the details of it (I know strange for me who pours my life out to many people both privately and publically!), because these feelings were extraordinarily profound and I am not really ready to share them with anyone (yet). Sorry Mom! Savvy! SoulKeeper! Everyone else I love!

All I know is that reading is good for me and so are the feelings that come up when I read books as uncomfortable as some of them may be. I am on a constant quest for new knowledge and have a thirst for information, change and ultimately fulfillment. Thank goodness for the 22 books I have here during this vacation.

 The off combination of reading "The 5 Languages of Love” and “Fifty Shades Freed” has led me to a day that just made plain old sense.

That I have been waiting for all my life in many ways.

That felt to me……like coming home.

And I liked that feeling very, very, very much.

Maybe reading Shades of Grey was good for me after all?  Christian Grey taught me a whole lot, and not about sex, but about my heart. How minty is good, but reserve it for work. Take more chances and bring out that strawberry body wash a whole lot more often for your loved ones. Strawberry may just be the last piece of the puzzle?

And my language? It may be that I have been speaking the wrong one. Adjust a bit more to each individually and give them more of the love they need, ask them what language to speak to them in. And to acknowledge in myself that more and more often I will need to ask for the type of love I need . I deserve to be loved in my language too right?

I hope I keep this feeling with me and feel it again. Allow it all back to my conscious. I love the feeling of something occurring in me that I did not plan for or control. Is this what happens to more normal people often?

Wow.

Indulge. In what may be-a whole new side of me. Bring it on.