If ever you want to feel really good about your own life...?

go and see the movie "This is 40" with your husband!

You will walk out of there so happy for your marriage, your personality, your kids and your general outlook on life!

If you need a boost..go and see this sad and despressing movie (and here I was looking for some comic relief!!)

Well ok the part about his farting in bed and taking pictures of his hemoroids was really funny:)

and ya the way their sex life was on the rocks after 14 yrs was also comforting..and the way that "in love" feeling seemed to be gone.

and ya the way she was in love with her personal trainer was funny..

But overall: Sad sad movie that this is the norm of 40 yrs old married for 14 yrs.

I am feeling damn good about my life right now.

Thank You from a Watered Plant

Thank you for all the supportive comments fellow bloggers! Both for the comments on the blog and the many to my email address. It felt amazingly good to feel that support and to also know that my honesty and sharing is valuable to you in your own lives. I seemed to have touched a lot of people with this post and I am so happy that it helped some of you. It helped me a lot to write it. and to share

As I said to one of my BFF’s today both her phone call at the perfect timing this morning and another BFF’s phone call yesterday…felt like water for a thirsty plant for me. To be listened to and loved and not judged and supported even though I know you all have super hectic lives.

It was a gift.

It felt like going back to my roots. The love, the support, the listening. It felt utterly amazing and I intend to pay it forward in so many ways.It made me realize what I want more of in my life and what more I want to give.

It inspired me.

Today was a big day at the doctor and tomorrow at the principal. I am feeling better than I have in weeks, finally. It’s all starting to fall into place.

Decisions have been made that we feel good about. That we feel safe with.

Many thanks for all of your sweet comments.

How ADHD is Occuring to Me (so far)

 One of my favorite word in the world is “occur”

I was taught it from one of the best transformations psychologists put on this earth from Legacy who I was lucky enough have teach me and transform me.

It’s the way to see that the way that things occur to me stem from my reality and experiences and is my perception which may have little or much to do with the way things occur to you or anyone else. I have used this as language over the last 3 yrs. and it has honestly altered my life.

Where are we at now? Chase was diagnosed 1 month ago with ADHD by a qualified neuropsychologist. We are now doing research, talking to many experienced people, meeting doctors, meeting with the school. All to answer the question: How do we get him the appropriate help? To use meds or not to use meds? Is this diagnosis real? What does it mean?

So below a snapshot in my other style of writing of what has occurred to me up until now. Such an important part of my life and his life to capture. An important part of our lives to remember and make real. To be vulnerable. To be who we are. To share. With you

Intense is the word that comes to mind when I describe my oldest son. Since forever. For forever. The moment he was born he captured and kept hearts. His cry was hungry, his hands were strong, and his needs were my needs immediately.

At 18 months my husband and I would often remark how we felt scared to wake up in the morning and go get our son from his crib. A weird thing for parents to remark right? Was he aggressive? Never! He was too happy for us. Too full of life for our tired bodies. His smiles were so wide, his laugh so loud, his eyes so sparkly that we were afraid that we could never meet up, meet up to his charisma, his intensity, his charm, his need for us.

He was always so much. And so much more. Our love for him was bigger than us, bigger than possibilities. We got over our fears and went to his room of course day after day after day and loved every single amazing moment. We went to bed at night still speaking of him. He captured us and still holds us captive. Her has our hearts and our souls every moment of every day.

What picture comes to mind over the years of him from 2-15 yrs.? A big gorgeous rare type of dog actually. Except that in reality he is a very small boy now teen actually and not a big dog. But his looks and his eyes have always been like the big dog that everyone comments about one the street. “The eyes! The hair! The perfect teeth! The tanned skin!” It’s been a whirlwind of attention, and compliments and fascination on lots of levels with this boy. Offers for modeling and possibly even movies. But the problem? His looks don’t match his heart. And introvert in many many ways although, looks the part of extrovert.

And that big beautiful dog at home? When you get home he jumps up and licks your face and wrestles you to the floor and loves the hell out of you. Then he steps on you and plays with you and licks your face some more, and more and more again. As he grows it changes…his loves comes about in other ways, his intensity shines through in other ways. Through interruption, through temper, through impulsivity during games or conversation. But like that loving companion he always was he always is and he always will be. He will love you so much, and need so much, and give so much and want so much-that often the feeling is that there is nothing left for yourself. Or your spouse. Or your other two children.

He commands that attention but he does not want it. And that is the catch 22.

So you spend your life trying to figure out ways to make it change without changing him. To come complete with capability, and worry less, and make room for other cells in your brain without him written all over them. You do all of the due diligence and discipline. You create routine and structure and walls to hold in the love and the energy. To make the home about everyone where everyone gets their turn. You devote your life and a good part of your career to the proper ”encadrement” and your ways are so effective and so good that you share it with many people and their lives change with their own kids ADHD or not.If it worked for him it will work for anyone.

You have perfected the discipline of parenting in many ways even though that is never possible. Your brain works 25 hrs. a day . For real.

And through it all never once do you really ask yourself “is this normal”? you become suspicious over the years when you cannot have a conversation with your other son in the kitchen and always have to move rooms if the older one is there, or when every family game turns into a fight, or when even with the best of studying and the mastery of knowledge a 38% can come back on a test. You still don’t ask yourself what is going on when you worry about his social life, and talk about only him to most people, when your blog was developed because of him, and any psychologist you have sought help from is because of him. You don’t ask yourself if this is normal when each time before bed and each time as you wake there is an issue to discuss about him, a worry to be had, or a feeling to be focused on. When you wake up in bed at night for 15 years you never think of anything else but him.

You have always attributed it to the way you love him. The intense way you love him. You have not never ever loved anything more in the world nor might you ever. You are connected to him in every way possible as he is to you.

And then one sentence in a book changes your life as it becomes clearer:

“Parents of kids with ADHD put a hundred times more effort and yield often one tenth of the results from their parenting”

And you think of you, and all those hours and years and moments and you cry, and cry and cry because you are starting to figure it all out. And you start realize that your whole life and your family life has been built around both the strengths and weaknesses of one person. That our home has been shaped by one person’s needs in many ways. And where does that leave the rest of us? Are we still there?

And then he comes to you at 14 yrs. and 11 months and tells you what you should have already known “I want to be tested for ADD…I need help Mom and Dad” And he goes through hours and hours and hours of tests and interviews and so do we ….and it becomes clear. Clear as day.

And like a puzzle you begin to build it. Put all the pieces together. Build the future together and the possibilities.

And weigh how much help you want or not want. And weigh if you want to change what has become or embrace what you already have. To trade sparkle and intensity for focus and concentration? Is that a good payoff? For whom?

And you weigh what he will gain and you will lose and that kills you to think about. Because you are not ready to let that big beautiful face licking puppy go are you now? You selfish bitch! It’s about him and not about you!

But this has become our live and I love our life and I am afraid to make changes to it.

I am afraid that he will change. And I am afraid the help we will give him will work. And he will grow up into the potential he has always had waiting for him. And it scares me to death it does. Or maybe the opposite and the medications will scare him and scare us, and make him depressed and sad. Or they won’t work at all and he will lose confidence and security?

And medication????????  Medicating my baby neurologically? Are you kidding me??? How did we get here?

And so I research and I share. And ADHD is a very lonely place to be, because often it is not believed ort noted as something important. Although it is very important. Some people around me make it very important and some people around me make it as though it is popping an Advil for a headache. And I get it totally. It seems like every 10^th person has an attention issues right? Why not take a pill to succeed more sounds like a good idea?

And at the same time…I have felt so much support and I have felt powerful in being able to ask for it. Having the courage to ask for help, my biggest and brightest character flaw. Realizing once again who I can count on in our lives and who I cannot.

So this week is decision week it is. And I feel sacred and sad and lonely. So does Chase as he realizes what has happened and what is ahead. So we muddle through. And talk...and communicate. And I repeat over and over and over that I love him exactly the way he was and is and will always be. But it’s time for my puppy to get help and support that will make a difference. Not because we need it at home or we want to change things, or for him to get better marks or for him to change anything about the lovable guy he is…

But to face the future. And to get what he needs to enter the adult world in a few years with the tools that he needs in the proper places. To, look outside of our home and our world and into his world and his future.

The hardest part of parenthood. Will always be letting go and seeing them on their way. Giving them one suitcase and umbrella at a time.

Making one mistake at a time

Even though you know it is not only the right thing to do but your obligation as a parent. Giving up part of your comfort for theirs. And planning for their comfort to come. Preparing them to not only be comforted by you. But to be comforted by others and to eventually be the comforter too

Ready to take on the big and bad and beautiful world out there. Both with you and without you.

And that is how it is all occurring to me so far.

And how it occurs to me is the only thing I know for sure

 

 

I love my daughter.....

 

Beauty: (while setting the table all pretty for her brother’s bday dinner tonight-picks up phone and talks to her friend while setting it..)

Beauty: so is Justin Beiber going to accept you as a friend on Facebook????

Beauty: Carly Ray Jebson accepted you as a friend on Facebook????

Beauty: Oh so it is only 19 chances in 25 billion that you will win the contest and Justin Briber will accept you???

Beauty: That’s a lot of chances!!!!!!!! I think you will get in.

Beauty: No I am not allowed Facebook or email or a cell until end of Grade 6.

Beauty: No I am serious those are the rules in our house. I am serious.

Beauty: Yes I am serious! So in the meantime if JB chooses to befriend you on Facebook can you say hi for me and send a picture of me to him????

Beauty: Do you have a really, really good picture of me???? If you don’t my Dad took some of me skiing but you can’t really see my hair and face because I am wearing a helmet and mouth protector and goggles. Do you think he would still like that?

Beauty: Ok call me back and let me know if he accepts you as a friend ok? Not past 8pm though ok?

Beauty: Yes I am serious! Because…we have to all go to bed early tonight because we had a lot of late nights. Yes for real I have to go to bed at that time!

(so I hear all this and all I can think of is my head is..i love this kid..she is so cute..and the cutest part of all? That never once did she ask me to change our house rules, or bedtimes, or technology rules. That is how much she respects the rules of our home….does not even occur to her to ask for an exception on it. I sure hope it stays this way!!! Very unlikely but for the moment I am indulging in this little daughter of mine)

 

 

 

Good Friends and Good Times

Disclaimer!!!! Sorry these pictures are wierd! Blogger in 2013 has changed inserting images it seems. Plus the fact that my cleaning lady is sick and I am trying to work and blog and do laundry all at once today, plus the fact I have no idea how to download my good pics from my iphone. Equals:
Wierd pics with no kids in them. Ones where I look ugly and normally delete. Disjointed and make no sense and tell no story. Worked with what I had on hubby's phone sorry all kiddies!!!!! Savvy I know I know...we have so many more picsw..I just cant figure it out!!!!

The Holidays are filled with so much. Good food, good drink, good weather, good books. However the things that always stand out for me the most are the good times with my family and the good times with our friends.

What I have so appreciated over the years is the way that no matter what we always make time for our friends and they make time for us. The same goes for our close family.

We see our friends and family at very predictable times of the years and pretty much do the same things year after year and for us all this is really the winning formula. We don’t leave getting together to chance-it is too precious. It is scheduled months and months ahead and sometimes even a year ahead. We are all committed and we all make it happen. So yes there are some spontaneous things in between but the important parts are planned and happen.

And what we have noticed too is that our friends each give us different things and gifts in our lives. Our time spent with them is so different and so unique.

The best thing about the friends we see is the gifts it gives our kids..Friends like cousins, and that type of community is hard to come by. Our kids can count on the fact that they see their various buddies for summer pool party, Regatta at Holiday, summer at Trent, pool parties on Bathhurst, trips to Toronto and Niagara, New Years at Sweethearts, meetings half ways in Kingston, winter fun at Trent etc…..

It is something solid in their lives they can depend on and I am thrilled to be able to give them that.So as I say goodbye to the holidays I also say a word of thanks for the good times we shared with our buddies:

Sweethearts and Holiday hightlights: the messy porch full of boots that prevents us to the basement but reminds us of the chaotic lives we share, tobogganing and kill joys, hockey and forcing helmets, sitting by the fire the six of us as often as possible, Sweethearts truck and “my truck is stuck heehee, chairs being delivered and truck stuck again, sausage stew and yummies, the kids having a blast as usual, New years and dancing, new years and kids running outside at midnight, lots and lots and lots of kids everywhere,subways sandwich iditos, lots of blond hair, lots of good times. Sweethheart toast and commitment to always always be together and make time for each other, saying grace with two catholic girls, going around the table and saying what we are thankful for.

 

Highlights with Savvys :

All the kids reunited and excited to see each other, lots and lots of hats on, boys and boys and boys! Puberty for twoJ) Dances by the girls, nighttimes beautiful skate in the park, Savvy and wanting to skate alone, skating and pictures, tobogganing and 4 by 4 tales, lots of muffins and doughnuts and toaster strudels, big chili and chili praise, Sam’s amazing grace!, chatting by the fire, talking about being 40 and above, skiing and the 45 minute decent, poutine buying for the godson, the better ski hill and Zandra’s  great ski, Sam and Josh falling asleep almost during Thai , the no fortune cookie Chinese, the salty dumplings, Protector picture show, pictures and more pictures, dragons den, Beauty and early skiing, adults in Jacuzzi, talks of universities, good times, snuggles by the fire, long drives home and  Little Miss Sunshine !

Lots of family and friends we did not get to see either…..and can’t wait to hear tonight from Chiffons about Jamaica trip! Soulkeeper coming soon to Trent and Roman sleeping through the night hooray!!! Love that sleep expert girlfriend..she is brilliant. Cant wait for Childhood Wonder and Soulekeeper to come back with their kids again..a new tradition and one I want to keep!!!

So a good holiday overall with some ups and downs but friends were a definite up. So were many other things. Being sick for more than half was a definite downer.

The last day of our holidays was surprisingly one of my favorite. I just can’t get rid of this domestic goddess part of myself that has suddenly appeared! After our guests left, me and the boys cleaned and cleaned and cleaned all day long after being at Trent for a whole two weeks. We vacuumed and took a break, we dusted and took a break, we did laundry and took a break, and we packed clothes and sat down to leftover Thai over a counter with candlelight. And for some reason it felt good! And we all liked it! Crazy but true!

While my daughter and her doting Dad was at Beauty’s first ski competition!!! Up at 6am and out the for at 7am and she was great! First race was ok and second one she was super proud of!!!! She did great and we were all proud of her. Home they came at 4pm just in time for a long family soak in the clean house and nice hot tub-a perfect ending-all five of us together. Then finished packing up and headed home for Beauty to fall into bed after ravioli and the rest of us showered and then ordered in Kojax and ate chocolate bars and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I don’t know if it was the cleaning and getting things back in order that felt good, or Beauty starting a new sport and bonding with her biggest hero, or all the gratitude we have for the good friends in our life….but something about yesterday felt good. Renewal I think. A great holiday and a great year ahead.

I am head over heels with my family and my life overall.

I need to remind myself of that often

It may not feel like that every moment, or even everyday…but the truth of the matter is I am blissfully happy and everthing I am searching for was right in that Jacuzzi with me last night at Trent.

The challenge is always to look at what you have and be grateful for it..and to remind yourself that life is perfect because it is imperfect.

And I hit the gym this morning at 6:50am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Friends and Good Times

 

 

The Holidays are filled with so much. Good food, good drink, good weather, good books. However the things that always stand out for me the most are the good times with my family and the good times with our friends.

What I have so appreciated over the years is the way that no matter what we always make time for our friends and they make time for us. The same goes for our close family.

We see our friends and family at very predictable times of the years and pretty much do the same things year after year and for us all this is really the winning formula. We don’t leave getting together to chance-it is too precious. It is scheduled months and months ahead and sometimes even a year ahead. We are all committed and we all make it happen. So yes there are some spontaneous things in between but the important parts are planned and happen.

And what we have noticed too is that our friends each give us different things and gifts in our lives. Our time spent with them is so different and so unique.

The best thing about the friends we see is the gifts it gives our kids..Friends like cousins, and that type of community is hard to come by. Our kids can count on the fact that they see their various buddies for summer pool party, regatta at Holiday, summer at Trent, pool parties on Bathhurst, trips to Toronto and Niagara, New Years at Sweethearts, meetings half ways in Kingston, winter fun at Trent etc…..

It is something solid in their lives they can depend on and I am thrilled to be able to give them that.So as I say goodbye to the holidays I also say a word of thanks for the good times we shared with our buddies:

Sweethearts and Holiday hightlights: the messy porch full of boots that prevents us to the basement but reminds us of the chaotic lives we share, tobogganing and kill joys, hockey and forcing helmets, sitting by the fire the six of us as often as possible, Sweethearts truck and “my truck is stuck heehee, chairs being delivered and truck stuck again, sausage stew and yummies, the kids having a blast as usual, New years and dancing, new years and kids running outside at midnight, lots and lots and lots of kids everywhere,subways sandwich iditos, lots of blond hair, lots of good times. Sweethheart toast and commitment to always always be together and make time for each other, saying grace with two catholic girls, going around the table and saying what we are thankful for.

 

Highlights with Savvys :

All the kids reunited and excited to see each other, lots and lots of hats on, boys and boys and boys! Puberty for twoJ) Dances by the girls, nighttimes beautiful skate in the park, Savvy and wanting to skate alone, skating and pictures, tobogganing and 4 by 4 tales, lots of muffins and doughnuts and toaster strudels, big chili and chili praise, Sam’s amazing grace!, chatting by the fire, talking about being 40 and above, skiing and the 45 minute decent, poutine buying for the godson, the better ski hill and Zandra’s ski, Sam and Josh falling asleep almost during Thai , the no fortune cookie Chinese, the salty dumplings, Protector picture show, pictures and more pictures, dragons Dden, Beauty and early skiing, adults in Jacuzzi, talks of universities, good times, snuggles by the fire, long drives home and  Little Miss Sunshine !

 

Lots of family and friends we did not get to see either…..and can’t wait to hear tonight from Chiffons about Jamaica trip! Soulkeeper coming soon to Trent and Roman sleeping through the night hooray!!! Love that sleep expert girlfriend..she is brilliant.

So a good holiday overall with some ups and downs but friends were a definite up. So were many other things. Being sick for more than half was a definite downer.

The last day of our holidays was surprisingly one of my favorite. I just can’t get rid of this domestic goddess part of myself that has suddenly appeared! After our guest left, me and the boys cleaned and cleaned and cleaned all day long after being at Trent for a whole two weeks. We vacuumed and took a break, we dusted and took a break, we did laundry and took a break, and we packed clothes and sat down to leftover Thai over a counter with candlelight. And for some reason it felt good! And we all liked it! Crazy but true!

While my daughter and her doting Dad was at Beauty’s first ski competition!!! Up at 6am and out the for at 7am and she was great! First race was ok and second one she was super proud of!!!! She did great and we were all proud of her. Home they came at 4pm just in time for a long family soak in the clean house and nice hot tub-a perfect ending-all five of us together. Then finished packing up and headed home for Beauty to fall into bed after ravioli and the rest of us showered and then ordered in Kojax and ate chocolate bars and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I don’t know if it was the cleaning and getting things back in order that felt good, or Beauty starting a new sport and bonding with her biggest hero, or all the gratitude we have for the good friends in our life….but something about yesterday felt good. Renewal I think. A great holiday and a great year ahead.

I am head over heels with my family and my life overall.r to

I need to remind myself of that often

It may not feel like that every moment, or even everyday…but the truth of the matter is I am blissfully happy and everthing I am searching for was right in that Jacuzzi with me last night at Trent.

The challenge is always to look at what you have and be grateful for it..and to remind yourself that life is perfect because it is imperfect.

And I hit the gym this morning at 6:50am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Top 16 (and more because once I start I cannot stop) of 16 days of Winter Holidays

Winter Spender

Love the look of snow falling from my solarium all around me in the windows

Love being super super cold and active and then soaking in the hot Jacuzzi with all the windows open

Love skiing with no ice and then après ski by the fire, blogging, napping and reading

Walking on the path on the lake my Protector cleared me to remind me of our old cottage

Candles at the counter

Skating in the forest

Cross country to the skates

Listening to the kids on the 4 by 4 loving it

Snow, ice ,cold and slopes

 My darling Kids

Proud of the way they are "outside kids" even if they get older. They shovel, they toboggan , they play. They always were and will always be cottage kids

The way they eat all day long and snack on holidays on whatever they wish. Hot chocolate, yogurts, bagels and nutella, Lipton soups, Kraft dinner etc…

The way skiing is a passion for all of them. Beauty and her incredible style and speed, Bear and Chase and their freestyle passion and ability to do tricks and jumps and boxes and rails

Snuggling on the couches and by the fire all in our bunny hugs watching movies, on our computers, watching all our favorite TV series late into the night. Doing some of our own things but together.

The winter style my kids possess all on their own. Freestyle and oversized hoodies, Eagle hats, spider suits, toaster gloves, ponytails under goggles and over helmets. It’s a fashion show…and I love watching it. And they save and buy this stuff mostly themselves because it is so coveted.

The way they love each other, and look out for each other and kiss and hug eachother. I can predict that for the rest of their lives they will all be best friends……I know it sounds crazy but I believe it. I wish for it too.

 Their Darling Parents 

I am just mainly darn proud of us.

Proud that as hectic and busy and sometimes chaotic it is we keep this family together. We have all been together almost every hour of every day for 16 days on Sunday. Except for when we drop them at ski hill for a few hours without us…wake up same time..and to bed same time. No alone time hardly at all, no dinner out a deux, no movies without kids etc….. It is hard in some ways but great in other ways. We feel it is our gift to them right now and to ourselves as it won’t last long. No escapes for us right now. In the trenches with the tweens and teens we are.

Proud of us that we choose a cottage nowhere nears the kid’s friends and our friends. So that we can be together just us 5….keep the kids close and connected…keep them outdoors……maybe it is selfish…maybe it is crazy. Maybe it is just about the smartest thing we have ever decided.

I love our toboggan rides just the two of us in front of the cottage

I love that we took 2 hours and shared our requests for our own love languages and trained each other how to speak them with examples (with a few tears)

I love that we are in this together. I watch those videos of way back and us with those  babies and how I look at us now after 16 yrs of marriage and I am proud of us. Of everyone we know that we are close to, we have been married the longest, to each other, and we have stuck it out through the good times through the bad times, through all the times. And on this holiday we gave ourselves a pat on the back for that.

After all these years, we are still playing in the snow, chatting by the fire, getting beautiful meals on the table every night to enjoy with our family, and going to bed with each other night after night,. In each other’s safe embrace.

I realized so much on this holiday that this really, really counts for something.