Love, Actually

Yesterday my Hubby and I scheduled a big talk together and made it a priority. Some stuff we have been dealing with that has been on both our minds. We decided to get ready for work early and head down to the lake and sit by the water (until he convinced me to get in my bathing suit instead and have our talk in our pool since no kids yet up)

 

And it was just such a good good talk. Full of trust, support, honesty. We have managed to work together through a big issue (still many more steps to come but at least started on the the right path)

I just felt really good about it. And I think he did too.

 

I am a control freak-it is no secret. My marriage has had both the benefit and the pity of getting this side of me . Over the years it has lessened a lot…some situations heighten it…up and down but always there. If you saw how chaotic I can let my house get you would never believe I was a control freak. If you saw my to do lists and agenda you would totally agree I am.

All that to say..Yesterday for probably the first time ever in my life…..I felt like I could give up a lot of control and still be ok. Be good. Still be me.

I felt light and happy from that talk in the pool and look forward to a whole lot more

 

114/81

J))

Summer BFFs

 

 

One of the things I knew I would love about having a daughter is the stage she is at right now.

Why?

Because I can remember those parts about my own life. With such fondness. And I see her living it right now and it brings back so many good memories for me. I love seeing her grow into a young woman-it is such an honour. And a privilege.

I love seeing her have BFFs. Beauty has always had a gang of 5 girls since kindergarten and all have been her BFF’s forever it seems, she has camp BFF’s and a BFF in Switerland-.  But this summer she has found her  summer  BFF. The kind that it is sleepovers almost every night..she almost lives at their house…eats all her meals there. The meals not eaten there are eaten here at our house. There is no question what they will do the next day…we just know they will be together and it is just a matter of what time they will call on each other in the morning when they wake up .

And best part of all this? Beauty’s BFF this summer is her “cousin”!!! One of my BFF’s daughters. They were always close for the last 9 years but not at all to this level. They saw each other at our events and had a few sleepovers a year. Always loved each other but this is a whole new way of being for them. Inseparable.

And it’s likely a summer love as different schools and circles of friends. The public pool and synro has brought them so close and the fact that both their mommies let them have a lot of freedom and liberties now they are 11yrs old (vs. some moms of girls this age don’t let them bike to the park and this makes or breaks a lot of friendships in some ways as at different stages and interests)

And lucky me again my friends stays at home for the summer so drives them all over the place, texts me on their whereabouts, feeds their bellies, makes cookies with them……all of it. How can I ever thank her enough???? A working Mom’s summer dream I tell you. I am so blessed and so is Beauty.

Tonight the girls are at my house and in the pool in the dark (with bathing suits on!!!) doing the same synro routine over and over and over. Tomorrow they will come and swim here late afternoon as Fridays is the only day I get home earlier than 6:30pm. We will get dressed up and take them to a fancier dinner in order to make sure we do our share !!! I feel blessed but guilty too!!! I want to make sure the girls spend time with us too.

And they are beautiful both inside and out. They even look like sisters or cousins. All I know is that being a kid in summer is really really fun. Especially when you have a bff to share it with. Endless days at the pool in the sun, freezies, ice-cream for dinner and late nights staying up watching movies together. Starting it all over the next day….. brings back a ton of good memories for me with my BFF in those days (who I am still super close it now!!!!)

Summer for me has always been about breaking away from the routine, the schedules, the rules (in some ways) Summer is to treasure.. and with one week left before school I can honestly say that my kids have loved every (cold) minute of summer so far and so have we. I have zero need right now for us to return to schoolbooks, getting up at 6am, packing lunches and homework after school. None. We are having a great time with the perfect amount of structure and routine vs lazy days and breaks. The normal amount of love and fighting and quiet and noise. It is all good.

This summer has been a summer of friends. There have been many walking in an out door since the day school let our. At our tables, in our pool, on the boat and in the lake. Many frozen pizzas made and bags and bags of snacks enjoyed.

The regular bedtime around here has been between midnight and 1am..and although that is a lot of hours awake..they have been mostly wonderful. I have always wanted to be the home the kids want to hang out at. This summer has been perfect for that.

 

So as I watch my daughter and her summer BFF in bloom….I remember back to my own summer and that delicious feeling of freedom. Of holding hands in the sun and walking with one of the girls you love. And remembering it as so sweet and such a wonderfully secure and safe part of my childhood.Summer-the time when the weather is nice, rules are relaxed, no goals and no fuss. Love summer.

Lady Mary & Me

There isn’t much this summer that can make me happier than watching Downton Abbey on the computer out on the bali night with Hubby pretty much every night at (yikes!) 12:15-1:15am (yup weekday or weekend OMG!)

I adore this show. And my Hubby does too. Grey’s Anatomy could never hold the torch to this one.

I replay scenes and things they say over and over and over in my mind throughout the day. For me it is addictive and like coffee or a glass of wine. I need it.

But most of all it is Lady Mary that keeps me watching. She is probably the first character on TV I truly relate too. For years I have gotten from family and friends “you look like so and so, or you remind me of so and so on TV” I seem to be the type of person that everyone reminds someone of someone else.It has been like this my whole life.

But I have never fully agreed. Not of it has truly resonated. Until Lady Mary that is.

I look nothing like her. She has dark hair and is totally flat chested. My life is nothing like hers either. She is a rich aristocrat from the 1900’s.

But so far (after watching only 1 season and a half so don’t blame me if she totally changes and you think I am crazy!!) I feel like her..for her..and with her. I feel like she belongs to me.There are parts of her similar to me, and parts of her I wish were similar to me. She has many many parts to her Lady Mary it seems

And I actually have no idea why she affects me to this degree either?

Maybe it is her accent which is nothing like mine of course but sounds like what I would say if I was a 19^th century English lady? Maybe it is her power….she leads and people follow her often? Maybe it is her bad temper…but that fact that she seems to only make a fuss about what is really important? Maybe it is her stubbornness and never being bossed into doing something she does not want to do? Or always saying what is on her mind with such articulation and impact? Maybe it is her sweetness…that is apparent and obvious to the people who know here well? The way she will never hold anything inside of her and is very direct? The way she holds herself and the way she moves, speaks, and gestures? Maybe it is the way that you can tell about Lady Mary that she will be perfectly ok no matter what? The way that she takes care of the people around her and calls them darling often and nutures them? And in the next sentence gives them a piece of their mind? The men in her life who adore her and have watched her grow?

Maybe it is the profound way that those around her love her. But she never really belongs to them fully or won’t completely let them, in  but you can see her trying so hard to?

Perhaps it is her vulnerability so apparent when she is ready to show it? The way she melts into the people she loves so deeply? Or the way that when speaks people listen and expect her to say something important when she doesn’t always know what she should be saying? The way she accepts her fate with grace and is gracious and kind, yet firm and direct? Her huge capacity for love. The way she takes care of her siblings and her parents; they look to her and depend on her..when really she is just a little thing herself trying to find her way under all of that perfect demeanour and confidence.

The way she is graceful and knows what to say and how to say it-yet still remains authentic at the same time?

Perhaps it is the way she addresses her Papa-which is the way I would have wanted to speak to my Father and the kind of Father I would have dreamed off. Perhaps it is the clothes she chooses or the ways she does her hair. Perhaps it is her way she looks a bit wild as she lets her hair down at night out of the tight bun. The way she is grateful for her maid Anna and recognizes, confides in her and loves her,

 

The way as she approached her groom at the alter she provided a warning “I should not like ever to be too predictable”.

Ahh..Lady Mary…we would have been good friends.

Mostly the way that there is so much more to Lady Mary than one would expect. She has layers and layer and layers of love inside of her waiting to be peeled. She has a massive capacity for love but may never get the chance to show it even if she is with the love of her life Matthew. Lady Mary needs to be accessed and uncovered. But no one will likely fully uncover her will they? After all she seems to have it all figured out already right?

There is something very specific in Lady Mary that I find in myself. Other parts that I want in myself.. so many parts I have..other parts I know I don’t  have, but wish I did.

I see myself in Lady Mary as I develop towards being more “V”. The way she accepts things and goes with the flow. The way she is able to see outside of herself. The way she can be very very selfish but also completely unselfish. Just thinking about her brings a smile to my face

All that to say I love Downtown Abbey and we decided today that it is getting a room at Trent named after it.

Every single room here and spaces  have important names at our cottage. Named after the people who helped us find this place, get this place, buy this place. Named after our absolute favorite things in life and favorite places. After almost three years here now there is nothing left to name.

So..the long hill down toward Trent has just gotten a name. The path that leads to the most relaxing place on earth, with its massive trees and gravelled roads. With it’s painted signs and carved out address. The place that allows me to arrive at the place I want to be.

“Dowton Abbey” it is.

And each time now that I arrive I will think of Lady Mary. And think of me.  Of all the ways I love her, and I see myself in her, and the ways in which I aspire to be like her. Mostly, the grace she has to face the life that is hers.

In the Lady Mary way of hers that I so adore.

Naked Syncro

Have you ever been to a naked syncro show?

(No I had not either)

Until last night in my backyard.

Sounds gross eh? And a bit creepy maybe? It isn’t and was all very innocent but when I thought about it later, I realized what a great blog post and memory this would be to record.

Here’s the deal. We have a boyless week since boys in Toronto. Just me and my girl. And a man (her Dad).

So last night me and Hubby were sitting under gazebo me facing the pool and his back facing the pool and Beauty says” I want to show you my synro routine”

Ok.

And then she says” I want to go in pool naked since there are no boys here. Being naked in a pool is very liberating”

Oh really? Do you do this often child?

After we pointed out that there was a boy at home (her Dad) and after she pointed out that his back was facing her (true)…I allowed it.

And so she swam (in her freeing way) for a long while. When it came time for the synro routine she begged if we could both watch and somehow she convinced us to agree. We kind of forgot she was naked by that point anyways.

So there we were watching this. It was crazy. It was then and there I realized we did not have a little girl anymore but a very little and growing woman.

 

Why did I realize this? Because we both felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed about watching this. We can be really strict about some things and really permissive about others.

It felt weird. We had crossed our own barriers in our own backyard.

Naked girl doing syncro is very odd to say the least.

We kept looking at her growing little boobies and commenting and giggling like little kids. Having no idea where to look or what to say. Thanking God we have lots of trees to keep the neighbors away.

There were no ifs and buts about it..:

There would never ever be a naked syncro show again.

It was time for her to put a bathing suit on.

Then and there I clearly understood. She is my last one to go through the awkward” seeing a kid naked stage”. I have no more naked kids anymore apparently. What will I do???

(And certainly no more naked kids going to give us a spectacle in the pool).

So it was a big realization for us and a big fat fact. Our daughter is growing up.

And..our daughter has a lot of confidence in her body to say the least (is that a good thing?:) ever heard of too much of a good thing? She can be that.

Have you watched any naked synro shows lately?

I am guessing not.

Creating Cousins

Our kids have a number of “real” cousins.  And they are very close to many of them. Very close. They have cousins their age and cousins quite a bit older too. The highlight of their year is when they get to spend time with them..and we make it a big priority.

Besides their family cousins we also have other “cousins”. Friends and their kids so close to them that they are considered cousins. I love this.

Right now our two boys are with Sister Savvy’s 5 kids for the week in Toronto. Took the train there and everything alone for the first time. Mornings to relax and afternoons at tennis camp. Evening hanging out, going to soccer and baseball, dinners. It all just makes me so happy. It is so nice of our friends to invite them into their lives and home. I am purposefully not calling the kids this week (and only texting them once a day) to give them that space to be with our friends and their family. To live among them.

Last night I got the sweetest text from Bear letting me know how he was and what they were doing. It sounded all so grown up. And independent. And without me. He sounded so happy and safe and secure. I loved reading his texts.

This trip away for the boys is so much. Means so much.Is such a blessing. In so many hundreds of ways that words could not even begin to articulate. For me it said it all last night when Rob wrote me and said ”We are having a great time and hopefully the start of a tradition” Those words touched me so much. On so many levels

These are our people.

My kid’s people.

We have built a village together and made it grow (with 8 kid’s total it truly is a village) I am looking forward to family reunions and PG weekends for many many years.

This visit..the pictures…the meaning..the texts everything about it kept me smiling for many hours in bed. There is just something about it that felt like home. Right. Good. Beautiful. A whole new chapter of our lives together.

And then this weekend we had the Sweethearts and Holidays all weekend at Trent. As usual it was sooo much fun. We calculated that these kids
(and we) have been spending about 5 major events per year (New Year, Trent summer winter, regatta, fall dinners) for most of their lives. More than 9 years now and never missed an occasion. They have all grown up with each other and range in age from 4-16 yrs. old.

We realized that the three couples and all the kids have been there for everything. We have truly witnessed each other’s lives. No secrets ever needed  and everything shared. Living alongside each other.

We all attended this INCREDIBLE  party our family was invited to on the lake because of Beauty’s ski team. All 4 ski teams were invited (that is more than 300 people!)  Clearly it is a mansion and when I say mansion. ..You can honestly not even imagine. They told us to bring all our friends... so 15 of us showed up in our boat and docked! After getting off the boat the property is sooo big we literally never saw each other for many many hours or had any clue where any of the kids were.

Huge go cart track, arabraska, zip lining, 14 boats, jet skis, surfing (many boats kids size to drive alone) Huge staff, counselor, sport counselors, massive catered meals, open bar…anything and everything. IT WAS COMPELTELY SURREAL. Honestly after we all left it was silent in the boat and we all just kept looking at each other and nodding our heads in shock that some people live like that…..OMG!!!!!

It was an amazing experience and day to remember and one more thing that this crowd experienced together…we were blown away.

So between this crowd and the two beautiful friends taking care of my boys this week …the phrase “creating cousins” comes to mind.

It is not only family that can hold that title is it? It is the relationships we nurture be that be blood relations or non-blood relations. It is what we water, and groom, and take care of that grow…It is the people who are there always, and consistently and forever that get the privilege of being in that growing garden. They get to have sun and rain on them depending on the weather and God's will that day..

Others may be sprinkled with water, get little drops, be in partial bloom, have slants of sun on their faces.. but they don’t get to be part of the real garden alas. How could they when they did not grow it?

My garden feels bountiful today. I feel blessed. By my own strength and the strength of others.

For the storms I have survived and the rainbows that have followed.

Blessed for my life and the way I am choosing to live it. In the wonderful company of those who truly love us.

HeartWarming

I have been thinking about hearts lately..as someone I love deeply is having problems with hisL

My uncle Chez Veto has been struggling with his heart for years now and will be getting surgery early September. It hurts my own heart just to think about it.

I know he will be ok though. I know it in my heart.

All that to say this week he and my Mom took his two adult kids and my three kids downtown to spend a day down memory lane and visit the place my Mom and Uncle grew up in as kids. They went to the churches and recreational centers and greasy spoons and corner stores. They ate yummy pizzas and took the train and subways there and back. My cousin carried my daughter on his shoulders and my other cousin held their hands. My Uncle made them laugh all day. Everyone came back to my place and when we came back from work, we all ordered in Chinese and split the bill. We all helped set the table and put spoons in the little pots of fried noodles and all helped to clear the table and put the leftovers away.

Then they left back for Ottawa and our hearts stayed warm. As they always do when we see this beautiful part of our family. Aunt Chez Veto was not there this time though and we missed her! Sweet texts the next day about what a great day it was for the kids and dinner for us all…and promises to chat soon on the phone. Confidences shared and promises kept.

And my heart is warm because we all created this together. And we maintained it. And nurtured it. Made time for it. Dealt with difficulties and shared joys. Talked about the hard stuff and laughed about the easy stuff. And we will continue to do this..together. Getting it right. Tweaking it. Getting it wrong. Fixing it. Living it.

It’s a relationship that warms my heart and always will. That I am proud of and always will be.

Girls on laps…dirtbags..girls on shoulders…high fives..driving away with girls..coming back..boys and bars at 18….boys and fudge..girls and chats about boys….kids growing..adults emerging….hugs and kisses..warmth and love..Understanding and trust…..Its amazing to watch your own children develop together what you together have always had  Depend on eachother, love eachother, need eachother in lives that can be difficult.

 

Passing down love is a beautiful things isn't it?

Life.

Together.

Built.

Sustained.

I am certain my Uncle Chez Veto’s heart feels all this right?  Hopefully enough to warm his heart and mend it along with all the other beautiful moments of his life. And his heart will heal and get better soon. Not only do I hope that. I know that.

There are a thousand heartwarming moments ahead for all of us. The Chez Vetos and the Chiffons. And I can’ wait to see what the beautiful future holds. For all of Us.

 

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Strange Silly Me

Often after blog posts I get emails from people who know me commenting. I have had a few that surround the topic of “What are some other things you do besides making rhymes about being right while walking down a cottage hill with a tray full of food?

Here are a few of my most comment idiocintricities: Please share yours with me too! By email is fine of course!

 

-I have worn the same perfume “Knowing” since being a teen because when I spray it on it indicates to me “I am in the know”

-I close my wardrobe closet at night for good luck

-I put worry dolls under my bed at night often

-I often address my kids as “Your Lordship” and try to imitate the accent of my fave character EVER on TV “Lady Mary” (Dowton Abbey)

-If I drop a pencil on the floor I never pick it up

-I still have to conciously stop myself from biting my toenails off (I resist but old childhood habit!)

-I make bed in the morning last 4 weeks and repeat in my head ‘Order in house is Order in brain”

-I freak out if people around me don’t eat carbs (if they like carbs) or if they don’t drink alcohol (if they like alcohol)

-When I look into the mirror and want to make myself feel better I say aloud “Hello there Fancy Face!”

-I never ever keep my IPhone near my bedside

-I always put blistex on during important meetings

-I have different pens I write with for different moods

-I save all messages until loved ones are home safely from vacations

-I drink the milk from the carton (sometimes even if I am a guest in people’s homes!!!) Hahahahah!!!

-I always make wishes at 11:11 if I happen to see the clock at that time. And I believe that they will all come true

-I pray through my BFF