“I Do…until ..I Don’t”

This is my new motto for eating. And I think it is going to work really well, if I am guessing.

Also: “It’s what you do eat..and not what you don’t eat..that matters”.

You see for the last 2 weeks I have done things very very differently with food with minimal effort. And this is the first time in my life I seem to have the motivation, or willingness, or want, or commitment to make long term eating changes. Weird eh?

I think it has to do mostly with much more space in my brain freed up largely in not having to worry continuously about people around me. I think it is that cliché of “when you let go of controlling others….you free up time for you”. I never ever thought what I would actually choose to do with this time would be to eat low fat cheese and drink protein drinks.

It all started on vacation at  the cottage these years with the horrible weather (that seems like it has never stopped since actaully) and it was three weeks of our usual crazy holiday eating. But something inside of me snapped this year and thought “this is ridiculous. “This is not making me feel good at all”  And taking a three week break from exercise (besides kayaking often 1.5 hrs. often per day) is not enough either. My goal moved from diet and exercise from wanting to look good…to wanting to feel good (which has been more of a struggle for me lately). I think in our 40’s our priorities shift and health more than anything becomes the coveted thing.

 

And then and there I just made some space in my brain it seems for healthy eating. Right on the spot. And when I got home from vacation-did a lot of research..got some 1-1 phone  coaching with an expert..And went out and bought a whole lot of products with protein and fibre in them. Too simple to be true eh? But that is the type of person I am..when I decide something..I just do it.

 

The question is what is a girl like me, very fashion concious, likes to look good, educated, gaining weight year to year slowly but surely, flirty enough and in need of changing my diet never did this before???

The answer to be honest was: indulgence, not liking depriving myself, feeling like I had no space in my brain for this, feeling like I deserved to eat treats, lazy, and also just always feeling like if I am honest (which I always am on this blog) that could get away with some extra weight because I have a curvy voluptuous body that has always someone been somewhat admired by men (well maybe not  as much over the  last few years) but before that. I also seem to have the type of body and overall looks that weight is never been a big issue. Even if I could stand to lose some for sure. Have always had many compliments about my hair, face, clothes and body (well not as much in last few years)…that quite frankly….I think I just got super lazy and took this a bit for granted. I got used to being called “pretty ” and just kind of forgot about the upkeep.  “Pretty Enough” became good enough for me over the years somehow.

Well that ended for me this summer. I decided that was stupid and ridiculous and also took a really good look in the mirror and decided to make some changes.

And believe it or not I can honestly say I have not once have I deprived myself of food since I have been married, not really once have I been on a diet besides  a few days here and there to lose some vacation week that never last more than a week.  Not once did I not decline a resto, or not order  exactly what I wanted, or not take something yummy someone offered me.

(It’s a miracle I don’t look like a horse at this point actually).

But to be fair I am not much of a snacker or dinner eater which helps. Lunch is my thing . And weekend/holiday eating (a lot ). I naturally don’t turn towards food for binging or eating large amounts. But my choices are often poor..And indulgent. I began starting to piss myself of after years of this.

So two weeks ago I changed. Will it stick? I think so for some bizarre reason. Will I lose weight? I actually have no idea…and although it would be a great perk-is not my overall goal or motivation which is much easier for me psychologically to make these changes because of that fact.

I want to feel good and I have realized that what I put into my mouth is a direct result of  getting that feeling in some ways. And have realized it is all about what you do eat and not what you don’t eat. The more protein and fibre you eat the better..even though you feel full and as if “how could you actually eat all that in a day”. And bring on the carbs and starches..never ever will I say good bye to those. Or cut down considerably. Would not be able to enjoy life or exist. So I eat it all-and by the very nature of more protein and fibre especially early in day…I naturally eat less of other stuff it seems so far.

 

And I do until I don’t? This means…that my core and regular life will be trying to stick to this regimen. The normal days will be about this healthy balance. But when I don’t stick to it…which will happen plenty: That is fine too. Because like anything else it is what we may do about 75 percent of the time that matters the most. (A future book if I am successful so don’t steal the lingo pls!) It’s a motto that really works for my psychological well-being.

Trust me at my fave restaurents etc and when company etc I will be eating what I want. Life is too short. But in between? Big changes are happening.

 

And all of this started the day I went back to work from vacations. And after 42 years of what I consider indulgence of food, . I said no to a cupcake. For the very first time in my life. And I began this new journey and lifestyle.

And after Sept 1, I will commit to exercise or to move my body every single day of my life for 30 minutes forever. Not 3 days a week or 5. Everyday. Who knows what will happen with that…but for me rules are the way to go and have always been successful of living life.

It’s as simple as “just stop it” or “just start it” when you want to stop/start something. I truly utterly believe this. Another book of mine will be called “Just stop it!”

(Like the various people in the news the last few months asked to just to simply stop behaviors that were causing trouble. The woman who stopped on the highway for a family of ducks, or the woman who‘s sitter called social services on her as she was secretly breastfeeding her 7 yr. old son for comfort at lunchtime at the school when he would fail a test, or the man who was driving his car and his daughter in just underwear and got stopped for a ticket. All of them very questionable behaviors that left the  policy/social service nothing left  to say but simply:

“Just stop it” Right now.

Simple as that.

Stop.

Sometimes in life we just have to put an end to unhealthy behaviors that for some reason somewhere along the way have not been able to be a priority. We have to say no to the cupcake (until we say yes to them) or say yes to moving our body daily (until we say no)

And just like today when it is literally as cold as winter and pouring buckets of cold rain on our heads, when I am bitchy and my husband is depressed for no real given reason…we know the when things like this occur and days like this happen:

It is always to go to the cottage..and connect. Be the five of us. Connect. Connect. Connect . and Connect.

It seems to be the only real cure. No matter how cold and rainy it is..or far away..or inconvenient…or seemingly ridiculous. Or that makes no sense given that in less than 24 hrs our son has to be back home for a date. Just get up and go connect.

Connecting is what to do-when you are not connecting at all.

Success is in rules of life.

Just like eating protein and fibre is good for us and makes us feel better.

 

 

Corn-On-the –Cob and your Life

Where I work I take, administer, deliver and get certified on dozens of personality, leadership and derailed inventories.

But really-nothing tells it like it is like watching someone eats a piece of corn in the summer.

(Or watching a couple interacts who are married . A post for another time. Inspired by couple I saw other day who were married 20 yrs. and so so polite to each other. Weird! Felt like they were trying to totally impress each other and strangers. Freaked me out a bit). I digress. Let’s begin with corn. It has been said that the way a person eats (or tackles) a corn on a cob is reflective of the way they run their life. I can agree 150%.

Bear-methodical rows of tidy and standardized and operationalixed corn eating. Row by row. Some butter and salt in equal and measured amounts. None of it dripping. A napkin in preparation. Flosses after dinner.

Chase-surprising quite neat- but then reverts to chaotic..but then eats often only part and moves onto the next thing on plate and throws the rest out.

Beauty-systematic and organized but eats over her lap vs the plate. Lots of corn on the floor-but looks at corn a lot while eating  and strategizes how to best eat it (she is a hidden neat freak who is messy and has not yet come out of the closet-at all!)

 

My Protector-used to be like Bear and methodical and systematic and now a little systematic and a little chaotic. Also when everyone has 1 corn he has 4 cons and eats the leftovers of others. Perfect corn eater and balance of tidy and messy

 

Me: A sorry state of affairs. No rows, no rhyme or reason, no system. Lots of butter and salt and corn squirting juice everywhere and all over my face. Forgets napkins or take three or four. Leave many niblets on cob. Messy.

 

Now..You may be very surprised at how I eat corn? It is way I run life surpriosingly. Surroundings a bit chaotic and messy…but incredible organization, stayed, planning, executive functioning. I forget nothing..I plan everything. Chaotic and messy while doing it. A paradox..works for me and equally gets on mine and others nerves. Parts of my inate personality and parts are choices I  consciously choose. I prefer to nuture relationships than things. I don’t mind a bit of mess in things I live in or own-but don’t want any mess with ones I love.

Corn says it all as far as I am concerned

If you want to make changes in your life-alter the corn first

 

How do you eat your cob??

Lake Hair

There is not much that beats the soft and silky feel of a cold lake in your hair. It makes my scalp tingle and my hair shine and soften.

And how do I get this?: I jump in lakes often at 6:30am.

Now that the kids are older, once in a while we have my Mom come for dinner and evening and sleepover and steal away for a Monday at the cottage in the summer and I cancel my Monday clients. And we up earlyack and head straight to work the next morning.

Usually it is a hot day (like yesterday!) and we sleep outside on the dock and set alarms for 6:15 am. We see the duck families swimming by and little beaver families running across the property. And then I jump in the lake. Hubby drinks his coffee. And I swim and swim. To me this is the absolute best cottage life has to offer (especially since vacation was three weeks of rain!) The getaways on Monday are never relaxing as kids texting and demanding and disobeying. Work decisions to make and emails to write. Planning to be done and phone calls to make. But it is still so worth it.

 

This weekend was one of the few in yrs. where we did not go to the cottage on a hot sunny weekend. We spend the two days and nights in Quebec City. Bear had Kayak provincials and so we went. Very different for us. I certainly can assure we would not be great soccer or hockey parents-don’t love it at all to that degree. But one weekend or a couple was really nice.

We hung out with other parents, did a lot of standing around, had a big dinner inside on a 30 degree evening (vs outside) got up both mornings at 5:45am and went to sleep at 10:30pm. This is usually not my idea of fun at all-but was cool to be there to cheer on Bear and his team and to see this side of life that so many enjoy.

We had a friend of Beauty’s with us and Chase stayed to DH bike with a friend in Bromont. It was a bit of a whirlwind of a weekend, and we were so exhausted by the time we got in door at midnight Sunday after many hours of driving and early mornings and running We did waterslides there and waterfalls and restos in between all the races. And then true to our crazy selves-we stared a long drive to cottage ,Monday morning at 8amJ

And after the Quebec trip that night upon arriving home after an exhausting weekend….the shit started hitting the fan with teen crap with Chase. Yup the fun begins…and continued into Monday and Tuesday and Tuesday night (I knew I had to wait until they are all 20yrs old before writing a book with any teen advice)

Stay tuned for teen shit-coming up in future posts!

(so glad I had jumped in the lake that morning before things got really nasty. Gave me energy and power to deal with him. And with soft lake hair everything seems juts a wee bit better)

Note to world: enjoy everything before 16 yrs. No matter how much you think it won’t change? News flash-it does!

This post makes me Sad.

Especially in these hot summer months and summer vacation time from school, many people have asked me how it is going for Beauty’s brace wearing 20 hrs daily. I really appreciate these types of questions ….because I find it so nice that people care and think about her. Also as we all know, unless we are in a situation it is hard to understand the reality someone else lives and so sometimes great to share this info.

 

I have had so many nice question and inquiries so I will give it a try. From the child perspective and parent’s perspective

 

For the brace wearer (I can imagine):

 

-It gets very hot. She has to wear a full bodysuit under the actual brace to protect her skin.

 

-The rigid brace at night on hot nights can get very very hot

 

-She always has to think about her day and the activities and where she will take her 4 hr breaks (in all other seasons she is  almost 100 percent compliant and in summer about 80percent as breaks are longer and some activities she does not wear brace with our permission but  rare)

 

-She is very limited by the brace for fashion. Strapless dresses, open tank tops, short shorts. All the things she would wear-are a choice now. Often she chooses to wear them anyways and have the brace show partially. Sometimes she plans her break for these times to wear these outfits; sometimes she forgoes her usual fashion style altogether.

 

-She can’t go to a sleepover impromptu as needs to switch braces. The night brace is too big for a knapsack so we drive it over to the friend’s house and pick it up the next day

 

-It is very uncomfortable to wear body braces so she has bruises and welts on much of her back and waist that never go away

 

-When you have your period and a brace-I can’t even begin to explain how logistically difficult this is to manage

 

-When you change for 4 dance classes a day and you have to wear your  brace bodysuit, ballet body suit and tights (all with no buttons to pee) let’s just say you don’t go to the bathroom a lot and hold it in a lot.

 

-It is extremely physically demanding to wear a brace and so she has not just a 6 pack but and 8 pack. I would honestly say at this point she is totally 100% ripped. This is a positive right???? She honestly has the most beautiful body I have ever seen on a preteen-at least she deserves this.

 

-Braces do not necessarily do well in airport metal detectors

 

-When you jump in and out of lakes and pools, unless it is your break time you have to cover yourself up on boat and get back in brace often

 

-It takes up a whole suitcase for two braces when travel

 

-Often she decides to wear a sweater over a cute outfit to hide braceL usually she is ok to show it but if new crowd or boys around she sometimes hides and it breaks my heart to pieces when she does this

 

-It takes away childhood freedom. She is forced to plan, and calculate and strategize about her day

 

-Bottom line is: it’s very tough. She is an amazing trooper who complains very little. But I can see in her mood and demeanor and attitude. It is all taking a toll on her.

 

From that parent’s point of view

 

-Bodysuits are washed every second to third day. The brace itself is washed especially once a week. The rigid brace is also washed once a week. It is a long and complex process

 

-You have to leave work sometimes at lunch and deliver brace if needed or pick it up

 

-You worry all the time about the upcoming x-ray which will likely determine if spinal fusion or tethering surgery or hopefully (just!) continued bracing

 

_It’s incredible that at this point you would actually be thankful if she only has to wear the brace (vs surgery) for two more years. Let’s just say your standards have gone done in what you hope for.

 

-you spend your time on internet in evenings trying to get it all right and understand. You write less blogs, have less time, cancel events etc, have less energy in general.

 

-when your child is out of brace you stare at her spine continuously

 

-you can spot a kid or adult with scoliosis miles way (even if they themselves don’t know they have it you do)

 

-you thank God daily your daughter has more than enough body confidence and is slim and fit as even with a rigid brace on underneath clothes she still looks skinny

 

-all days are planned according to brace breaks so your already planning self gets even worse

 

-Some of your days are filled with doctors apt, xrays etc. And long hospital visits. You take unpaid days or vacation for this. Husband and you go together to ALL appts and X-Rays. We would not do it any other way

 

-you constantly feel envious of other people’s kids who have clean bills of health

 

-you constantly wonder why this has happened?

 

-you sometimes feel bad or mad at comments people say or don’t say even though you know it is not their fault and just a lack of experience in the area.

 

-you pray that she does not grow more as then more chance of worse curve so instead of being excited when she grows, you get really anxious

 

-you can’t plan vacations or big events for sure as it is 6 months to 6 months you now live by and you know that if surgery needed it will change everything

 

-you miss seeing her just jump in and out of a lake and pool freely

 

-you miss seeing her in her little shorts and midriffs shirts at the cottage

 

-you live in constant fear that things will get much worse even though it is hard already. And although you try not to think about it..it is nearly impossible when it is your child’s health and future that is involved.

 

-You feel blessed daily that it is “only scoliosis” and can’t even begin to  imagine having your child have a life threatening illness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Body is Talking to Me

I am not a body person. I have always been more in my head than my body. When people around me talk about stomach aches from nerves, or butterflies, or pounding in their hearts it is hard for me to relate.

I know this sounds crazy but I barely even notice that much when I am sick, or recovering from surgery, or throwing up, or even having a baby of 10.5lbs without an epidural until minutes before he was born, was doable for me. I feel lots of  pain but I can block it out from my head. My body and head are not in sync all the time.

Even for eating my body will crave a healthy peach and my mind will say “no its vacation  so eat a square of chocolate and live it up”. It is ridiculous,

Lately however my body is talking to me. It is asking for protein and fiber, calling out for 30 minutes of exercise daily. All of these things I often do but they are my head telling me to make the decision and not my body guiding me. So the decisions made are harder to act upon be they are intellectaul vs emotional or physical.

Lately my body wants to hug more, and feel more, and get stronger and do more.

My mind? Well it still run 24 hrs. A day.but I do sleep well and more often.

So this morning after 3 weeks of vacation I was returning to work. A day that was CRAZY busy with literally hundreds of emails and wok ahead. Three weeks off is a long time in my role especially without checking in. I started only checking in two days before and I was SCARED.Scared. And not just in my mind..But in my body (don’t get me wrong I adore my work but it is hard what I do)

So this morning I had butterflies and dizziness and almost tears in the shower. I felt stress and anxiety in my heart and lightheaded. I was so distraught about my state but also so happy! This has never happened much to me for work (more so at hospitals with kids in surgery etc.)

I am human after all!!!!

And I ate a protein bar for the first time in my life this morning because my body asked for it. OMG! And I took an Advil at work when my head hurt .And I made an apt to have a nutritionist coach me

I also last night made two hard decisions (or no decisions) with my body.

My 12.5 year old daughter wanted to go alone to Laronde today without groups of friends and no parent. My body said sleep on it. I did and woke up and delegated the decision to my husband. My son Chases was out last night and not texting where he was and I wanted to go to sleep. So I told my son Bear to stay up for him and went to sleep.

(my body seems to also enjoy delegating)

Powerful!

My life is getting ready for Phase 2:   Teens. It is like preparing for childbirth-you have no idea until you are there…and with a 16.5 yr. old this is no dress rehearsal anymore. I am there. My body is preparing for combat I think. I thought I knew at 12 yrs..and then again at 14 yrs..but I did not. this is the real thing people.

Anyways today at work I took it email by email. Problem by problem. Request by request. I stopped being such a little body sissy for the day and got my usual minty act together of course.

Now by the end of the day? I am in sync again with my mind. And welcoming my new guest, of my body. I am looking forward to getting to know you body!

 

 

 

 

Vaction

(I know the title is outright boring. Not a creative bone in my body these days it seems!)

Some people make fun of my lists and many people admire me for it. One day I will write a post specifically on the lists I have made over the years and the notebooks they fill and the impact on our family life and my work life.

Today I will discuss my vacation lists.

Don’t get me wrong these are not “to do” lists. I would never be caught dead doing anything remotely boring or tiring on vacation like cleaning out  cupboards or balancing my budget. (Therein lies the problem very likely about weather on vacation). My vacation lists are all about pleasure.

We have had  a list for each vacation at the cottages. Sunny/Cloudy/Rainy lists. This year cloudy and rainy have all been crossed our clearly! We have done everything from bowling to go carting to golf to tons of treats nights.

Yesterday it finally cleared up and we took the long drive to Tremblant to do la luge (go kart) down the whole mountain. We arrived and the sun was finally shining upon us! We took the chairlift to the top and as we waiting our turn we saw the sun turn to clouds, turn to rain and turn to massive storm! And we had to get down!

So we did. All the away done the mountain in the slippery slidy conditions in the pouring rain. Soaked! Soaked soaked! The kids thought was a blast. Adults? Not so much.

The kids were a little humiliated when I took off my pants at the bottom, wrapped a coat around my waist and headed to “dry” my pants under the hand dryer in the bathroom. Not impressed at all. I personally thought I was a genius.

Then we all debated for about an hour if we should still spend the petty penny to go as planned to the fondue/raclette place we go to once a year in  Tremblant and spend a small fortune but eat like kings. Was it worth it to go as wet, smelly, ugly, soaking dogs?

We decided yes it was.

There were two girls in prom dresses there staring at our gorgeous boys all night. Bear had to literally hide behind the cheese! Imagine they had not looked like wet dogs-they may have even gone as far as  given them their numbers.

As it turned out it was a fabulous day and evening. Maybe the best dinner we have ever had out as a family even. I hate to admit it but I might even be becoming happy in the rain. I might actually even like it a bit.

Today once again woke up early to the sun-woke Hubby from slumber and headed out on kayaks. Then guess what after 15 mins? Yup! Turned right back.

Later in the day between rain and storms made whole family jump with me in freezing cod lake and they did. Then into the Jacuzzi. Having the best conversations ever in there and thunder and lightning. Chase literally pushed all our asses out fast the safety guy he is (literally pushed our asses). He made us all get out first before he did. For safety he is a total gentleman. Huge storm again!

Later on in the day Hubby and Bear went golfing, Beauty danced and Chase took me out on the boat for an hour. He officially drives it by himself, parks it, anchors it..it is amazing to watch. And watching him the other day on the Jet Ski was amazing too. It was scary to watch as he does so may jumps and tricks and the speed is hard to watch-but overall just so proud of the man he is becoming. He really is in the driver’s seating now….literally. On boats, in cars, on jetskis, on dirt bikes. He is truly skilled for a 16.5 yr old-his friends are far behind him when it comes to this stuff. It is nice to see him ahead in this area than his peers..since he has been a late bloomer in some other areas.

Now Friday morning and other day of clouds and haze but then broke out into beautiful hot sunshine for 5 hrs. Now it is storming like crazy but we had 5 hrs on the lake to enjoy watching the kids wakeskate (new sport) and they took two hundred photos of themselves doing this. Beauty and I swam in the lake and we all had burgers with melted brie and fried mushrooms. Cucumbers and hummus and a big bucket of iced tea.

I know my standards are low having only 5 hours of sun in 22 days-but I am taking what I can get at this point. It made me realize how beautiful vacation can be in the sun and how good heat makes humans feel.

Two more days left and back to reality. I always know when the vacation is coming to an end as the kids start really getting on my nerves and aggravating me where usually I love hanging out with them. I start missing my routine, missing eating healthy, exercising and seeing my Mom and friends. There is always that tipping point..three weeks is a long time, especially in rain. I think I am doing well just reaching a slight tipping point now

Lucky for me…my reality is also really good too. I have many things to look forward to. And depending on how Beauty’s X-ray goes on august 21…..we might even plan a family vacation with my Mom in November. With Chase and all his new found freedom on bikes and cars and boats…I know that these vacations as five at sea? Won’t be lasting much longer; the others will be close behindL.

Soon enough we will be “Five @ Sea”…minus three.

 

Has my Pity Party ended Yet?

No..not really

(sorry juts being honest!)

The weather still SUCKS! You have never seen anything like it. Can’t plan to go golf-or bike or miniputt as rains on and off throughout the whole day unpredictable.

But..I have resigned myself to the weather. The longer bad things happen to me the more I get accustomed to them it seems. The easier it is. It is the initial shock of “oh my we have 24 days of crap weather” that really gets to me

After I resign myself I am actually fairly peaceful . And this blog does a lot for my venting abilities.

I got so many nice emails after my last blog. I think I shocked a few people actually with my non rose colored class and my glass half empty attitude. My aunt sent me suggestions to out on a family play, my sister in law ides for contests for iMovie’s and cooking and suggested to the library and rent a yoga video. My sweet niece reads my blog everyday (I love this!!!!!) and I could feel that she was a little worried for me tooJ

All good ideas and thanks of all the loveJ))!!

The thing is it’s hard to explain that our passion? It’s for Water. Jet skiing, sailing, kayaking, wakeboard, wakeskate, slalom, water singing, kneeboard, tubing, boating, surfing, windsurf. Its kind like as if someone went to NYC for three weeks to look at art and all museums were closed. Or to TangleWood for music and all the musicians were sick, or to climb Mount Kilimanjaro and the mountain had crumpled. All great ideas and alternatives (we are doing plenty to keep busy and happy)…but just SUCKS that we can’t enjoy and any of our passions this year.

But we are doing well of course. We are living together and being together and just keeping it simple. We went bowling, and watch movies, and make bucket lists and rented a jet ski in the cold and wore hats and gloves and socks and Billyboots and had a great day. Tonight we are going to do “la luge” in the rain done the Tremblant Mountain and eat fondue.

I wish we were not as outdoorsy as we are. We will need to change that. We literally feel it is a crime to stay inside in summer ever….we look at people funny who do. We live (d) outdoors. Have to change that and get some serious new hobbies. I just can’t seem to convert to the plays and contests as wonderful as I think those ideas are!!!!

Anyways there is always a lesson to be learnt isn’t there in life? These three complete weeks of rain and crap have taught me the following:

1-l need to not separate life and vacation so much in my head. One has to flow into the other.

2-I need to seriously seriously seriously take up a hobby that I adore (besides reading and writing) that have nothing to do with weather

3-I need to listen to the angel (my Dad in a wetsuit in the sky-whole other story) and garden???? OMFG!!

4-I need to learn from my husband’s example

5-I need to understand that the goal that was given to us this summer on vacation is to rebuild, and live simply and normally. Everything has a purpose.

6-Always book a vacation down south in the summer

7-Never take these weeks in July again

8-Never have sports like ours that are  money pits and weather dependant

9-always have a backup plan

10-Continue to be a kind and loving wife and mother even if your insides are screaming: “SHINE ON ME ALREADY”

11-Learn to be the type of person who likes family plays, and craft contests (it’s never going to happen even if I try-same goes for gardening)

12-Count my blessings that for this very moment in time. For right now and right here…that weather is still my biggest obstacle.

13-Know that one day I will be thankful for these weeks as have a lot of time to think and have decided on my next two books( and keynote speeches). In 5-7 yrs I will be well known. Yup confidence never hurt did it??

13-be thankful that the more negative, more dramatic and more I swear on my blog? My worldwide  blog audience grows and grows!!!!!