22 Heavenly Days

We are finishing tomorrow 22 days of vacation. We have been taking this amount of vacation for a number of years now in the summer at the cottage-and we know we are blessed to be able to do so. It for us really motivates us to work very hard the rest of the year to be able to do this in the summer. With the kid’s jobs and schedules now this was likely the last summer our vacation will be three weeks in a row like this-so it was even more bittersweet.

Here is a summary of our:

1-alone 6 days

2- Family of Five- 9 days

3-Beauty and BFF and Hubby and I- 5 days

5-Family of Five (and Daphne) 2 day  weekend Finale

Our vacation:

We had 66 meals (22 protein shakes for breakfast….6 meals out…45 home cooked meals.

We went to the grocery store 7 times

We slept on bail bed on dock 7 times (and girls 2 times)

We went to bed before 12:30am 0 (zero) times

We got up before 8am 0 (zero) times

We woke up at 9:45am 18 times

We completed 3 big puzzles (the girls did anyways!)

We watched 8 movies and 3 documentaries

We had 2 bonfires

We did fireworks in backyard 1 time

We sailed 8 times

We had 6 gorgeous weather days/6 horrible weather days/ and 10 very average so-so days with lots of clouds but moderately warm enough

We had 1one big fight with one child and 1 amazing make up discussion

We ate dessert 2 times per day

(I don’t even want to estimate the pounds we collectively packed on bc I might get very very scared as no scale here)

We read 12 books

We had 100’s of hugs between us all

I read 0 (zero) email for the first 20 days

We had 8 Jacuzzis (and the girls had many more than that)

We took 1 long bike ride

We saw friends 2 times

Hubby and I spent 15 hrs separately

We had 1 massage

We played word games 3 times

We planned 1 trip for the future

We were sick 0 (zero) times

We drank 32 litres of milk

We watched Lost 21 days

We watched 28 episodes of Lost

We worried about real life back at home 0 (zero) times

We made 13 dr apt for our and us in the month of August (wisdom teeth surgery, podiatrist in grown toenail, 3 apt scoliosis x-rays etc., orthotics feet, ADD follow-ups, chiro etc..etc..etc..

We had 10 headaches or backaches

We had 1 tons of treats night

We had 1 master chef pizza contest

We had 3 paddleboat rides and 8 kayak rides

We had dozens of boat rides

We did 7 loads of laundry

I lost my temper 1 major time at the kids as a whole gang and 1 time individually at one of them

I expressed gratitude 22 mornings

I set my intention for the day 22 mornings

I prayed 5 times

I forgave someone 1 time

I decided on 1 thing I want to get much better at in a friendship

I decided on 1 thing I want to get better at in my marriage

Our kids grew 14 inches since last summer vacation

We thoroughly enjoyed and relaxed for 22 days

We are counting the 352 days before we come back for our next summer vacation here again.

Adoration

We have had the absolute pleasure this whole week to host Beauty’s BFF (aka: Vanilla Bean2 (VB) at Trent.

And I think my favorite part of this week has been watching these two together. They have been super good friends (part of the famous gang of 5) since kindergarten but as of about 3 years ago their friendship hit a whole new level and they have been inseparable ever since specifically the two of them. I have always admired and loved watching the friendship between them, but this week gave me an even better chance to watch them in action.

There is no other real way to describe it than the word “Adoration” From both sides. They simply adore each other in every way possible. I have never seen two faces light up more than from their togetherness.

Their friendship is like a beautiful symphony-it is like every friend I have and every friendship I have and all its most splendid parts wrapped up into one perfect package. I am not sure I have ever been witness to a friendship as pure and as complete as this one.

They never ever get tired of each other. It’s almost like they need no space from each other and don’t need anyone else. Not once have they taken even a moment alone all week and I have very rarely seen them text or chat with any other friends (and they have many many others!). It made me realize that probably 95% of the time Beauty is testing or chatting it is with VB as with her here, Beauty has no interest in the phone or technology or anything else. Everything she needs is right in front of her.

They are so physical together too which is so unique to that stage of life as girls who are best friends. Constantly cuddling, holding, tickling, touching eachothers faces. It is so adorable to watch

Then there is the teasing-the banter that goes back and forth-the gentle teasing.

Then the shared interests-did three 750 piece puzzles while here, the constant music in the background, the dancing (of course), the love of making frozen drinks and bearing fruit and eating candy. Despite their shared fear of spiders they slept out on dock on bali bed two nights in a row. They also both go to bed super late and both wake up super late too.

Both totally athletic and sporty. Golf the two of them nine holes, wakeboarding, waterskiing, trampoline scary tumbling and flips.

They totally bring out the best in each other and both build each other up so much. They are good girls.

We had an amazing week together full of really crap weather (old, windy, rain, storms) bundled up in hoodies and sweaters most the time. But we had a total blast anyways. Went to la luge and tremblant for dinner, out to a delicious lunch in our little village, girls played golf, went boating many times despite the bad weather and mostly sat under the tarp in the rain, made delicious lunches and dinners, watched three full movies that I bawled in because the kid was dying of cancer, we sailed together, played many word games together, had a fancy raclette night, had a super bonfire a la trivial pursuit. Laughed a ton. It was a super week and tonight at 8:00pm we will be sad to see VB2 go. VB1 will miss her. I have called them the Vanilla Beans for a few years nowJ

What I have liked most about watching this friendship this week is knowing …how completely safe and adored my daughter is. That  a friend in the world loves her to such a degree is so beautiful and comforting for me.  We also talked a lot about their values about teenage stuff (drugs, smoking etc) and had some great conversations. Beauty is in good company-they share many of the same goals and values. These two are natural leaders and hopefully will set the anti- drug pace amongst their peers that they feel so strongly about.

This week Beauty and I were also the closest we have been in our lives. Playful, affectionate, respectful. It has not always been an easy road for the two of us-and this week was a complete and wonderful gift for me as her mama and I shall not forget it easily. It was worth every slice of sunshine we sacrificed (although would have been nice to have both!!!) I am not sure where this unexpected show of affection and love came from this week from Beauty-(nor am I yet convinced it will stick around)-but it feels wonderful for the moment. I feel like a part of myself is back home. Where it needs to be.

I love how bonded Hubby is too to all our kids friends-it is something in our marriage we are so proud of the way that we are bonded (both) to the people our kid’s chose to love. It is an important part of who we are. Our kids friends know that are kids are “package deals” . If you know them..you know and are close to us.

We love you Vanilla Beans and had such a lovely week. Hopefully we can keep up this tradition each summer as with two older boys gone are the days of more than one family week of vacation anyways. Tonight we bring Vanilla Bean 2 home and pick up both of our boys for the end of the vacation for the weekend. Then Chase’s girlfriend come up Saturday night and Sunday and we head home late Sunday night. Back to the real world which awaits us.

In the meantime we are left with the gift of the friendship that the Vanilla Beans share. A friendship that will always keep me in awe and wonder and so honoured to watch bloom.

True Love:)

Master Chef Pizza Night!

(this was written now almost 5 days ago..we are now in almost done vacation and have had this week Beauty and BFF here. Has been a ton of fun and lots of girl bonding especially for Beauty and IJ))) Love it. Weather has totally sucked though-cold and wind and not cottage weather at all. We have had to be inventive!)

A new Trent Tradition is Born!

This one as great and will definitely be repeated forever for all our cottage vacations. Based on the Master Chef series on TV which the kids love we had a contest for the best pizza. Based on originality, aesthetics and of course- taste. Also each of us had to have a story that went along with the pizza and what we made that particular one. You could tell each kid really wanted to win by the touchy feely gushy stories that went along with the pizza that would surely capture their parents’ hearts.

(Yes the apes of the couple of first days of vacation have turned into our playful sweet little monkeys again and remained that way for most of the vacation, yayJ)

LOVE Hawain pizza

We sent the kids out the night before to get all the ingredients that each person had planned for their pizza (a huge benefit of having a kid who drives is sending him on errands nightly!). We got out three aprons (one of them normal, one from when Beauty was a baby and one obscene one from my adult 40^th bday party) and started on the dough. We had tunes playing on the speaker and a rolling pin that we got for our wedding on the counter. Then a HUGE array of ingredients from goat cheese to pineapple to capers to coriander and cilantro to specially aged salami. There was everything.

Meditarian pizza yuminess

We each had a pan and made our pizzas. One by one they were cooked and tasted and rated secretly on our secret ballots. Each chef had a story that went with their pizza. We all made comments too openly on the taste.

I knew this would be a fun night…and I was proud of myself for investing this tradition, but never in my wildest dreams did I think the pizzas would be so mouth-watering delicious. I think with age they have improved their culinary skills and so have we all as each pie was truly suculent and so very different and unique. Yummy!!!! We had made a big homade coleslaw too and opended a big bottle of Coke too which is rare except on occasions and vacations for the kids. We were so stuffed that we had no room for the homade lemon meringue pie that Beauty and Hubby had made so we are eating it for lunch today.

super original folded crust with cheese in crust and super yummy toppings

After all the pies were eaten and rated Hubby totalled all the scores. We were all super nervous for real it is neve racking to compete. The kids prize was 10$ and the adult prize was that the “loser” kid had to massage the winner parents feet (they decided these prizes!!!)

And the winner was : Beauty!!!!!!!!! By a landslide with her Hawaiian pizza that spelled out LOVE in olives and her story about what it represented!!!!!!  It was so so tasty and juicy and succulent and the olives made it tastes both sour and sweet in combination with the ham and different cheeses she chose. Yummy!I have never seen her look so happy-she looked like she had won the lottery. She is saving up to go to her BFF’s grandparent’s condo in Florida so she was thrilled.

Lots of meat, garlic and cilantro, olives and sun dried tomatoes

Bear had a fit!!! That was the funniest part of the evening. He started raging and saying that he was SURE that his pizza would win as it had cheese in the crust. He was freaking out and we were all laughing so hard at him and then he joined in and laughed at himself. OMG this was funny.

For the adult prize I won! My mango, shallots, garlic and oil, artichoke, tomato pizza was really delicious and really different too (hubby hated it but he also hated strawberries in salad too so how can we count on his taste anyways?)

A super night and a fun tradition is born.

The best pizza:))lol

All of this was after a party we went to across the lake from Beauty ski completion team. This is the second year they have half this. A mansion-like you have never seen. Everyone on this lake knows this house, likely everyone in mtl knows it. As in a mansion…10 boats, 5 jet skis, a huge go cart track, a zip line, a Tarzan rope into the lake, electric bikes, a spa inside the house, a gym inside the cottage, a solarium bar outside and the list goes on and on and on and on. This time I asked the hostess for a tour of the house. I could not resist. Was like visiting a beautiful museum. They own many many many businesses including a famous restaurant so there was an amazing food truck with unlimited delicious food parked on the property and open bar etc…

And they are the sweetest family too-really really nice. 4 beautiful boys and all very generous and kind.

But for the second year in a row now I have reminded our gang-this is nothing close to real life (for us anyways) We came home and considered our own cottage worn and old where in reality it is beautiful and we are so so so blessed to have this place.

Anyways after that beautiful and exciting day there was also something nice about coming home (to our own little piece of palace) and just so simply making pizza together. It felt good and right. And was such an absolute pleasure to be invited to that party and to see their beautiful place. They are so kind to host this part for the ski club and host us all-it is very generous.

(written last week)

Tonight Hubby drives both boys home L((A week is really too short for us after for so many years always having 2 weeks. But we are happy that we got this with the age of the kids we have. Chase has a three week job at his old highschooll and Bear is back for kayak practices in prep for provincials and nationals too. My mom will be there all week to stay with them. We will go pick them both up again on Friday night and have the weekend together and Chase girlfriend will likely join us too. Menu is already planned...have you figured out yet this family likes to eat?

We are picking up Beauty’s BFF which will be a blast as the four of us always have a blast together. Weather has certainly cooled off but still lots of fun.

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We love every second of this vacation. If there is ANYTHTING I can recommend to ANYBODY in this world is to never ever have vacations days that you don’t take. To me this is the biggest of sinsJ

Adding this pic just to make you laugh and my Hubby to get mad at me!!

Passion In Work

I have always really admired people whose work is almost effortless they love it so much. That the passion is so high that they would chose that day of work over basically any other activity.  These people are few and far between but when I meet them….they leave an impression on me.

For 11 yrs. of my life at my previous career in HR in Pharma I totally looked forward to going to work every day (well maybe not all days but most of them!) It was never a pain or a bother or a stress to be there. I loved it. For that I was very very lucky. I love that for 11 yrs of my life I was in a place that I genuinely took pride in and liked being there very much. Work was a pleasure

That being said, what I did notice however over the years is that I was not  as passionate enough about the work I was doing  that I would have expected. I was great at it and adored being there and contributing, but I never felt as though that work specifically defined me in many ways. My face would not light up when I spoke of how I was contributing and making a difference. I was not at all obsessed with my work in the way you are when you are passionate about a person or a project.

Nor was I passionate about the team I worked in. I really enjoyed all the people on the team individually-but as a team I did not get the adrenaline I have experienced in other very high performing teams. Where the team becomes your heart and soul. I always had members of the team that I was very very close to but as a whole I felt the team lacked unity.Most of my closest relationships were beyond my own dept. and in different depts... Thankfully for me I have kept up many of these close relationships now  which bring me tremendous joy.

So it was always an odd feeling for me to be so happy to be at work each day, so good at what I was doing and getting a lot of recognition along the way, but yet knowing deep inside that this was not what I was meant to be doing. That there was something inside of me that I have to offer the world and I knew that what I was currently doing was not exactly it.

When there was the big layoff our financial advisor (whom I am very close to) put it very eloquently ”Tarina I am thrilled this happened to you as your career was so cushioned and comfy and cozy you never would have left it. You have so much more to offer the world and this will force you into big time action mode”

And it resonated with me what he said. He is right.

For years I have known it but have not been able to exactly articulate what that exactly is? What is my unique gift? What is it exactly? What is my passion? Do I even have one?

Recently I have been reading books that deal with the subject of passion. Whether that is in career or in relationships. They all point to the same thing: You don’t find passion-it finds you. It is like most hobbies. For years Sister Savvy and I tried to “find a hobby” but in reality you can’t find one-it just naturally grows (like blogging did for her which she then shared with me) or how reading is a natural hobby for me that I have never even need to think about-I can spend every dollar I have on books almost like a drug.

I have been analyzing my time and what I like to do with it. What gives me adrenaline and what walks me emotionally and spiritually? What I almost can’t do without. I have been searching for these answers. (Often I think the thing I am most passionate about is laying on a bail bed under the sun and reading-but I know that is not going to get me anywhere) so I moved onto other areas and did some soul searching. I started looking at patterns in my life.

And this morning it all became clearer. One pattern is that for about 16 yrs. now (coincidentally close to the time I started a family)…I began writing down almost daily (if I am honest) what I am doing right and wrong in parenting, as a wife and in balancing work and home. What I am doing to try and have it all or to try to master this crazy thing called life. Before iPhone times these were chicken scratches on pieces of papers, then turned into post it’s and now are carefully kept in my iPhone. I add at least 10 things I do right each week and another 10 things I could improve upon. It is a constant list and I am very passionate about it. I have always known this will lead to a book one day but being a writer is not enough for me..I love it but it is not what I want as my career.

Then I looked what I am drawn to when I go to a book store or watch a movie: Family stuff. Family crisis, family self-help, parenting books family anything. Organization , finding simpler ways to do life, finding better ways to use time. Inspiring people, how people make hard situations beautiful and inspiring, how they turn bad into good for the better of the world and others.

I looked at the conversations with friends that interest me the most. They are not all about travel or work (although those topics I love too and discuss a lot), but discussing our kids and obstacles and discipline and joys and challenges. Ways we have found in life to live by that make our lives better, planning the future and looking at what we want ahead and how to create it ourselves.

Then I looked at this blog. I am always writing about my family-in some shape or form. I have to very deliberately choose to write about something else and pull myself away from this topic as it is where my heart lies but can get tedious I am sure for readers. But when I write about family, with authenticity and vulnerability it is where my heart lies. Telling it like it is –whether that be bragging about how well things are going or how much serious help I need or advice when many many things go wrong. Writing about how to life our very best life and striving always with our full potential as a family in mind.

And then I looked at where my value is at work and in relationships and they all pointed in the same direction. This is also confirmed to me through the many 360 feedbacks I have professionally done or feedback from friends: I am a Fixer and in many cases I am a Nurturer (especially as it related to family). I fix things, am direct, am bold, and over the years especially my own ability to be vulnerable about my own life has helped many others around me I have been told.

 Also that if I love you? I really really love you. I am engaged and interested in you and your life and if you have a problem that needs to be solved I will go to bat many times over for you. I was once told that I am a better friend in crisis than in normal life: it resonated with me: I am a Fixer through and through and love to be needed by many. I feel love from people the most in close contact and connection and many people are much much better at close connection and contact more so in their time of need-that’s what makes me a better friend then and not because I care less the other times. Connection is everything to me in relationships.

And then I look what I need in a career: Time off and flexibility as work will never be my only passion as my own family is and need time with them. I need status and power to feel good and I need to makes lots of money in shorts amounts of time (don’t we all?)LOL

And then I looked at my skillset: Speaking, writing, articulation, project management, FIXING things and delivering. Being very real and authentic and bold and curious. Seeing things in often a very different light than others and coming up with unique solutions.

It did not take me long to figure out what I have always known inside and which has been alluded to my me and many others for years now. Keynote speeches worldwide on life work integration and family, living your best life and accessing in yourself the full potential you have in career in your relationships.

Most importantly-Fixing what is broken and quickly. Teaching people how to just STOP IT! Helping others to access in themselves what they don’t even know is there…..changing; lives. Making lives better. Mastering the one life we have in a deliberate way.

If I think back to the times I have felt most passionate it has been when I have been part of others peoples family stuff. The time when my colleague at work child sleep for the first time all night and never stopped everynight afterwards, when my client started having breakfast with his kids every morning and walked them to school holding hands before he checked his email. When my colleagues daughter started more easily making friends because of conversations her mom and I had together and actions we strategized, when my friends started also doing family night in her home, when my daughter and I were given a chance to make the difficultly of living with scoliosis beautiful and share that experience with others. These things made me want to desperately wake up every morning and fuel them.

I love making difficult situations beautiful-or at least trying to anyways. I love doing it for myself and I love helping others do it. Because in life……it’s inevitable that we will have difficult situations come our way and I love seeing and watching the amazing grace and beauty that people handle these with. It never fails to completely impress me on every level.

I love BIG and changing people’s lives in BIG ways. And often what people cherish most in life is family even if their actions point in the different directions. I like bringing them back home.

I love aligning people with their most fundamental values and showing them how to live a life they are proud of and that belongs to them.

I love seeing a child connect more with his or her parent and having a better life because his or her parent gets better at parenting.

I love showing people how to simply their lives and live disciplined with good habits at the core. To show them an easier way to do things and one that takes so much less energy

As I write all this my heart is pumping and my face is lightning up.

In a way that talent management and organisational development did not. I liked those areas a lot and in some ways even loved them but they were not BIG enough for me. I have more intest in making a better parent than a better leader…which was always hard to admit to myself as there is so much about the corporate environment I adore.

But what if I could combine the two very successfully? The cooperate and the family world. One Life.?

Also teaching people to master their lives and to carry their suitcases with the wherever they go (their life work integration suitcases, their values suitcases, their parenting suitcases etc..)

No boss. No company. No mandate-should ever touch your suitcases. Your suitcases are yours and yours alone and they come with you wherever you go. As long as you hold tight and don’t let them go they are yours. Carry them with grace. Carry the  with you always. And as your circumstances around you inevitably change and alter..Remember what you carry with you.

And take a good look inside. Deliberately and often. Systematically. Your own life should always be your most important project.

Moments in Between

A blog reader the other day who I know from my previous place of work emailed me the other day and said “Can we have a chat? You have three teens and so do I and you seem to be having a lot more fun with yours than I am with mine. What’s the trick?”

And when I spoke to her –I told her that the biggest “trick” was simply making time. Time for the moments.

Because quite frankly without making time for these moments…I would very often feel helpless, humiliated and alienated with our three teens quite honesty.

Look at the last few days since the kids are back from camps and on vacation with us. They are like untamed zoo an animal much of the day-so disrespectful to each other’s my hearts bleeds sometimes. Drinking out of the milk carton at the table, swearing at the table, getting so physical with each other that one almost has a concussion ( our daughter!) and cancelling plans on all our usual summer traditions (too cool for a bonfire now???) I am not kidding here my daughter was so mean to me one afternoon (A long story) that I cried for two hours. Still think our home is so  peachy?

Yesterday should have been one of the finest moments of our vacation. All three kids home, the most beautiful heatwave ever, on a boat all 5 of us with many more vacation days ahead….and all I heard was the kids screaming at each other and in my head I was losing it. I just wanted them to shut up and act like humans and stop whining and complaining. I mean look at their blessed lives? Appreciate it you Apes!

So after going upstairs and doing some deep breathing and then swallowing a half an anti-anxiety pill (wish I was joking)..my head cleared. The fog lifted. By the afternoon I was in a better space.

Same like yesterday and today. (without a pill)

I allowed all those in between moments in. And as soon as I do-we all just flow. 

When I tickle Bear like he is a little baby and he laughs and laughs. I wear one earphone of Beauty’s and we sing our hearts out to 90’s music. Chase and I have a ton of inside jokes and constantly look at each other and say “props”. We watch a documentary about a boy who is dying from cancer and all hold hands because we are so touched. We make a new recipe of lime cilantro chicken in the crockpot with loud rap music blaring from the speakers. Bear catches a fish and his Dad runs to see it and unhook it. I don’t check my emails for three whole weeks even though I am dying to see what awaits me and anxious to think of the business I may be missing But I want to be as present as I can in the scared time and put aside things that can cause me distraction and stress. I chose them.

What is the difference between me and you?

Probably not very much. I bet your teens are as “good” as mine. Maybe even better

Maybe we have different expectations?

Maybe it is time?

Maybe it is being present?

Maybe it is very deliberately trying my absolute best every day even though my best as a mother might look like someone’s worst? But striving nevertheless each day to get better?

Maybe there is nothing better about my teens at all except that I choose not to sweat a lot of the small stuff (swearing, milk drinking, fighting) and I focus on the biggies since I know there is only so much nagging I can do (school ,safety and family time)?

But mostly it is time I think. It is getting through enough crazy chaotic vacation/weekend days to be able to actually get to the good parts. See the center. Surely statistically after many crazy moments you are bound to have some good ones thrown in there? That’s a bit our formula. Put statistics on your side and spend as many as possible together so that in return you sporadically get a lot of moments that will be good too? Sounds crazy but true. We get a lot of crap moments-but we get a ton of wonderful ones too.

My colleague asked me why my kids did not do a ton of team sports like most families. My answer? I felt like that would give up way you much of our weekend time together. That is it-that is the only reason. We focus more on the sum of the parts rather than the individual pieces. Our sum does not include each being at different fields at different times…..it just has never appealed to us. We have found other ways for the kids to excel at sports and out kids are three of the most athletic kids I know.

Bear is missing a hugely important 3 days of kayak competitions this week-because we are on vacation. His coaches are near begging us to bring him that 1.5 hrs home. The answer is no. No! It is our vacation time. This doesn’t work or appeal to everyone but it works and appeals to us. Family time all five is at the very top of the priority list. Thank goodness as after this summer I can see it not happening very often with an 18 yr. old going to college, driving a car and working. Logistical nightmares have begun and this time it won’t be healthy to stop it. He is starting his own beginnings. As he should.

I treasure this time as precious-as crazy as the make me, as furious and irritated as they do….

It’s’ those moments in between. And I am getting enough of them to look at my daughter and see the way she takes my hand when the mom on TV is losing her son, or get my  17.5 yr. old to talk more about his physical relationship with his girlfriend, or be there when Bear comes around and is able to joke about how hard headed he is and see it from his family’s perspectives. I see wonder all around me

It’s all those moments that just add up to beautiful things. Beautiful teens.

I don’t have better teens than anybody. We have just made space in our lives to appreciate them, know them inside out, made room to talk to them and hear them out. We teach many less lessons than they teach us at this point, and have made room to listen. We focus on the big stuff only and put them at the top of our list in basket A. We have many many baskets C items that are nice to have –but just don’t feel that it is worth all the nagging and bitching. We are parents but we are also act as their equals in many ways by this later stage-we are living life beside them in so many ways vs only guiding the way. . Our house is messy, we are often a little crazy, our kids are loud and equally obnoxious, we don’t force them to do adhere to tons of rules beyond school and chores…but we are happy.

As I gently reminded my colleague…there are sure to be turbulent times with teens (many of them), but just by the very fact she was calling and asking for input and advice in my mind meant she had “good” teens and was “a successful” parent. She turned towards her issues and not against them and also takes time with her teens deliberately and often from what I have always noticed.

And this is what I consider the recipe for success. Very simply put: show up mentally and physically for them. Time and time again. and don't give up on them.

We choose the moments

And from there? The moments chose us

Two out of Three Home

It’s always a special day when we pick them up from their two week stay at camp. In some ways feels like forever as no contact at all-in other ways it passes by so fast. Today we picked up Bear and Beauty! They have been attending this camp for 9 yrs. now and it is like home to them in many ways. Bear adores every minute. Beauty resists it each year and comes home each time having had a blast (and then resists it again the next year)

We always have the tradition of going to the closing camp ceremonies at 10:15am and watching Bear win Camper of the Week!  Then we chose a great place to go out to lunch and then Tim Hortens’s for a donut or hot chocolate and then it’s back to the cottage to start the vacation. The first day back (today) is always a whatever they want to do day and that means all day and night being plugged into the couch, their phones, their ipads etc. They have been unplugged for two weeks and are craving the relaxation that the couch potato life provides.

We force them out onto a nice boat ride where they both fell fast asleep and then we dock and ask them millions of questions about camp. Then they take more couch potato breaks and now cooking with Hubby a homemade Indian meal.

Earlier bedtimes tonight (aka: before 12am!) as big annual regatta tomorrow at the Holiday House.

We are big big fans of sleepaway camp. All of them have been going for 1-2 weeks since the ages of 5-7yrs… for me it was has built so much of their social., athletic and leaderships abilities. It is an international sports camp that focuses on diversity, leadership and every sport under the sun.The camp has taught them self-sufficiency, friendship, autonomy, skill. Everything. We love the good old fashioned friendships formed there too and the notion of “summer friends”. These are not Facebook friends (well they probably are too!) they are “hug goodbye and cry every summer friends. Love it.

Bear is going back next summer for the 4 week “Aspi” program where he will be a counsellor in training. After that he is assured a job every summer all summer (they have guarenteed him employment alreadyJ)

Beauty, this may be her last year-we shall see. As of 14 yrs. old she gets to choose if she does sleepaway camp or not. I bet she will still choose it.

They are really teens now when they leave. Hugging every person possible. Every counslellor, high fiving the world, the boy –girl thing. Trying to ignore their doting parents. It’s really cute. We love picking them up from camp.

Chase usually comes back tonight after his three week stay at Dircamp but he postponed his return until tomorrow night as wanted to be part of a big biking competition that is taking place on the mountain. So he will return tomorrow night and because we have regatta we will all arrive home at 1am from all the travel back and forth to city etc..

He ended up being paid for lots of his what he thought was volunteer work. The director of the camp liked his work and dedication so much that he paid him a full counsellor salary for one of the week and then paid him a gardening day at his private house and then Chase was hired for many hours of private lessons downhill biking at 20$ per hour (for the private lessons that is) !!! Not bad!!!!! And he thought he was doing it all for free as experience.

We received the most beautiful email from the director of the camp today saying how proud he was of Chase (as last year in the CIT program Chase did a whole lot of sitting on his ass!) He said he had never seen such transformation and was impressed and listed all the ways that he recognized and appreciated Chase. He said he is first on the list for the next bike instructor job coming up next summer or the next.

Chase will be thrilled. This is big stuff and his passion. An extreme and dangerous sport in a lot of ways but perfectly suited for him to teach as a very safety conscious guy. He has been doing it for years and has never even had a minor accident.

Can’t wait until tomorrow late night to have all three home. It’s fun to have life back in the house (although they are actively ignoring us a lot of the time!) It just feels wonderful and comforting on so many levels to be back under the same roof again. Our couple time has been really lovely-but we do really well as parents together. It’s nice to be able to have this mix of both.

Camp is awesome. We are very very blessed to have been able to send them there all of these years. I consider it an important part of who they have become as people.

Part two of vacations begins!

The Long (invevitable) Journey

He is experiencing the adjustments that come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. We have begun the long journey of letting go. Put another way: he has a wonderful future in which our part naturally diminishes. We have no possible future that is better without him close.”

Our happiest times are vacations with the kids. At the cottage especially. Since they were born we have always taken two consecutive weeks at the cottage and ensured with every fibre of our being that this happens. We consider these weeks our best family times ever.

This year we cut it down to what I am guessing will stay one week for this summer and for the future ahead. One son is working, one son has competitive kayak all week. Beauty will stay on second week with her BFf that we invited (they are still at the “good” age” for vacations)

I have been making lots for lists for that week of what our annual cottage vacation the five of us will look like. Lists for sunny/cloudy/rainy as I always do. And although I adore every moment of our precious alone time-I also can’t wait to have those three kids back and creating life around our table and our lives.

And then….

Last week I get a text from Chase.

“Hey guys. I think I will stay a 4^th week here. I am doing an amazing job as a counsellor and teaching the kids dirtbike and I feel really good about myself and am being really recognized by the Director here. He offered to have me stay next week free without paying room and board. The camp kids really need me here”

Then a bunch of sweet and lovey dovey texts following it. So sweet and respectful and caring and respectful. Ended with :

“I know this is hard for you Mom and Dad..and it is for me too. But I am growing up and needing to take important decisions in my life. I love you so much”

Oh no!:((((((( there goes our one week vacation as a family. How do you force and insist this very responsible work ethic loving sweet kid to come home? One who is not even being paid and doing this from the bottom of his heart for the camp. One who gave up paid work landscaping in Bromont to build further his reputation at this camp that he wants desperately to be hired at in the future? How do you say no to something that you have grown and watered so preciously in your kid : Work Hard and Be Nice?

The answer is you can’t. (even if you really really just want to force him just to come home as planned)\

So that night you text back and forth with him and go over the pros and cons until we are both exhausted and go to sleep and offline at text at 1am. Our discussions were so real and heartfelt and trusting.

And then I literally cried my heart out for hours. For thinking of a vacation without Chase…but more importantly for knowing that this was the beginning of a very brand new life that we will certainly face with all of them soon. The inevitable process of the long letting go.

After Hubby and I discussed it more rationally the next day and I got input form a couple of my closest and smartest people we went with the right thing to do vs the thing we wanted to do. We called him back and told him to decide on his own what was best for him. And that we would support and respect his decision. We asked him to let us know within 4 days of his plans. We felt sad but empowered. We knew we did the right thing. So did he I think.

4 days later we get a text:

“I am coming home of our vacation! I didn’t speak to the Director here but I made up my mind it is what I am doing. Can’t wait to see you guys!”

And I felt the sweetest beating of my heart begin again. I felt relief..and pride too that it was him that decided this and not us. He was coming home to us. We had another year to get used to the idea of him potentially not being there for the summer vacation. Saved for another year.

And since that text I have felt peace. And also have been making plans for Tarina 2.0. In knowing that the time is coming sure as day when we will need to fill our times and life with others things than our three kids. With two very busy careers one might think this would be easier but it has not. Family has been our center to our lives always. We love our work and spend many many hours there. We have had nannies part time and help at home and other people doing errands and laundry and taking care of our kids when they were sick at various stages of our lives as our work always demanded long days and later dinner. We may be the furthest thing that people thing of when they consider truly devoted parents devoted to their families.

But it is us.
It has always been. 
We have always kept our family tightly close on the weekends and holidays like glue. To the detriment of soccer and hockey teams, promotions and business travel. Our hearts have always belonged to our family life. It feels like sometimes we have moved mountains for our kids-we have overcome many marital obstacles and challenges with them in mind. They have always been at the true center of our lives with everything else being super important to us but without our full hearts into it. We have done this deliberately to be able to spend as much time in these precious years as we have together.

Yesterday when we went riding our bikes and saw soulkeeper in the village-as her cottage is not too far away-we noticed her three little kiddies in the back sat and quickly offered her that for the next 20 years we will be pleased to take them for a week a year and teach them how to waterski and have treat nights and wakeboard and movie nights sleeping outside under the stars. We realized that kids and family come in many forms….and we don’t intend to stop anytime soon experiencing the joys that come with being part of the village that kids need to be realised.

And…..as much as I hate to admire it..I think a dog is in our near future!~~~