The Long (invevitable) Journey

He is experiencing the adjustments that come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. We have begun the long journey of letting go. Put another way: he has a wonderful future in which our part naturally diminishes. We have no possible future that is better without him close.”

Our happiest times are vacations with the kids. At the cottage especially. Since they were born we have always taken two consecutive weeks at the cottage and ensured with every fibre of our being that this happens. We consider these weeks our best family times ever.

This year we cut it down to what I am guessing will stay one week for this summer and for the future ahead. One son is working, one son has competitive kayak all week. Beauty will stay on second week with her BFf that we invited (they are still at the “good” age” for vacations)

I have been making lots for lists for that week of what our annual cottage vacation the five of us will look like. Lists for sunny/cloudy/rainy as I always do. And although I adore every moment of our precious alone time-I also can’t wait to have those three kids back and creating life around our table and our lives.

And then….

Last week I get a text from Chase.

“Hey guys. I think I will stay a 4^th week here. I am doing an amazing job as a counsellor and teaching the kids dirtbike and I feel really good about myself and am being really recognized by the Director here. He offered to have me stay next week free without paying room and board. The camp kids really need me here”

Then a bunch of sweet and lovey dovey texts following it. So sweet and respectful and caring and respectful. Ended with :

“I know this is hard for you Mom and Dad..and it is for me too. But I am growing up and needing to take important decisions in my life. I love you so much”

Oh no!:((((((( there goes our one week vacation as a family. How do you force and insist this very responsible work ethic loving sweet kid to come home? One who is not even being paid and doing this from the bottom of his heart for the camp. One who gave up paid work landscaping in Bromont to build further his reputation at this camp that he wants desperately to be hired at in the future? How do you say no to something that you have grown and watered so preciously in your kid : Work Hard and Be Nice?

The answer is you can’t. (even if you really really just want to force him just to come home as planned)\

So that night you text back and forth with him and go over the pros and cons until we are both exhausted and go to sleep and offline at text at 1am. Our discussions were so real and heartfelt and trusting.

And then I literally cried my heart out for hours. For thinking of a vacation without Chase…but more importantly for knowing that this was the beginning of a very brand new life that we will certainly face with all of them soon. The inevitable process of the long letting go.

After Hubby and I discussed it more rationally the next day and I got input form a couple of my closest and smartest people we went with the right thing to do vs the thing we wanted to do. We called him back and told him to decide on his own what was best for him. And that we would support and respect his decision. We asked him to let us know within 4 days of his plans. We felt sad but empowered. We knew we did the right thing. So did he I think.

4 days later we get a text:

“I am coming home of our vacation! I didn’t speak to the Director here but I made up my mind it is what I am doing. Can’t wait to see you guys!”

And I felt the sweetest beating of my heart begin again. I felt relief..and pride too that it was him that decided this and not us. He was coming home to us. We had another year to get used to the idea of him potentially not being there for the summer vacation. Saved for another year.

And since that text I have felt peace. And also have been making plans for Tarina 2.0. In knowing that the time is coming sure as day when we will need to fill our times and life with others things than our three kids. With two very busy careers one might think this would be easier but it has not. Family has been our center to our lives always. We love our work and spend many many hours there. We have had nannies part time and help at home and other people doing errands and laundry and taking care of our kids when they were sick at various stages of our lives as our work always demanded long days and later dinner. We may be the furthest thing that people thing of when they consider truly devoted parents devoted to their families.

But it is us.
It has always been. 
We have always kept our family tightly close on the weekends and holidays like glue. To the detriment of soccer and hockey teams, promotions and business travel. Our hearts have always belonged to our family life. It feels like sometimes we have moved mountains for our kids-we have overcome many marital obstacles and challenges with them in mind. They have always been at the true center of our lives with everything else being super important to us but without our full hearts into it. We have done this deliberately to be able to spend as much time in these precious years as we have together.

Yesterday when we went riding our bikes and saw soulkeeper in the village-as her cottage is not too far away-we noticed her three little kiddies in the back sat and quickly offered her that for the next 20 years we will be pleased to take them for a week a year and teach them how to waterski and have treat nights and wakeboard and movie nights sleeping outside under the stars. We realized that kids and family come in many forms….and we don’t intend to stop anytime soon experiencing the joys that come with being part of the village that kids need to be realised.

And…..as much as I hate to admire it..I think a dog is in our near future!~~~