My Own

I could get used to this.

I have always loved my cottage-but never as much as this week.

It was mine. Only mine.

And it was quiet!

 ( well somewhat barring daughter back injury and husband MIA and then my mom thinking he had a heart attack in his office and almost calling 911! )

 A normal chaotic week except ... I was not there . Nor was I on a business trip . Nor on vacation .

I was at the cottage alone . Working my ass off . And in between taking some pretty cool nature breaks 

I decided to work here alone for 4 days and nights as I never seem to have time to do the strategic and creative and innovative stuff my career demands . And it was catching up to me . I have been fortunate enough lately to have many professionals approach me and want to partner up on fairly big initiatives and I needed some time to think through it all and make decisions . Also work more on meaning and impact and what that will be for rest of 2016 and 2017 .

So I stayed at my fave place when hubby and beauty went home and will welcome them back  late tonight for the long weekend . 

It was an odd week . And most of me loves every minute of it ( maybe a bit too much ! ) it certainly proved to me that I am not the extrovert everyone assumes I am . I am thrilled with my own company . If I can work - read - create -think in peace - strategize and swim in a lake - I am happy . Throw in a cupcake or brownie here and there and I am thrilled .

So got up early most mornings and got to work straight away by the lake on the dock . Then many telecons and skpe meetings in the screened in porch . Then work and work and work . Always managed to get one kayak ride on and at least three 5 minute swims . Always stopped for two low cal meals and one healthy snack too .

Often worked until 10pm at night . Wrote some blogs . Did some texting and catching up on personal stuff . The days have been flowing in lovely ways actually . I sorta do whatever I want when I feel like it but clearly very different from vacation as have huge lists per day of work and meetings that need to get done . It's a odd experience . Then here and there I feel I need a power nap or a swim or a break or I need to sleep in or go to bed early - I just do it ! It is so odd .

After two 14 hr days I decided yesterday would be a half day . I got up and worked 7am -1:30pm and then headed out to one of my fave spots on earth : Nordic thermal baths . I have been there plenty but never by my myself and I dreamed for a long time of the day I had today . In the woods , walking on trials near waterfalls and cascades , sitting on my robe by an outside fire pit , going in the hot baths and then the super cold baths and then the minty eucalyptus wet sauna .

Lying in the dark quiet rooms in solitude . Lying in hammocks . Getting a heavenly massage . Eating my fave lunch of chicken and carmalazized onions and goat cheese sandwich with a balsamic glazed  salad .

All by myself . With a particular goal which was to plan the rest of 2016 for my business and what my focuses should be . And I got a lot done and accomplished . A lot . It was a great place to strategize and create and innovate . I felt so surrounded by nature and at peace and inspired 

 I left with a long ( but focused list ) of my big picture priorities on the business side and even a few key different things on the personal side too . 

These 4 days have been good too catch up on things I want yet rarelyr find enough time to do. Plan dates with friends , plan our upcoming 20th anniversary to make it extra special , thinking about the way in which to want to celebrate my fall 45th bday , planning a special fall family photo shoot in the leaves at the cottage , getting super caught up with my besties by text or on the phone 

And most exciting of all I am going away to

Miami for three days at my birthday in October with both my brothers !!!! 

I have always love the gift of time . And the gift of 2/3 not kids around if I am honest . It is so relaxing,, I miss them but it doesn't last long . I love not having responsibilities . Work to me has always been a bit of a pleasure and a piece of cake - it comes as naturally to me as breathing . I reached out to both boys tonight and texted them as felt like two pieces of me are missing . It felt good to get their texts back and have them share their experiences . Has also felt good to share more with beauty this week even if only by text and phone . Her brothers take up a lot of space and I am happy for her that she gets more of us and our time . She got her dad tonight to go shopping either even and used up her clothing budget on Nike clothes ! ('Ps she doesn't have a clothing budget  but the perks of being alone and shopping with dad I guess !! ) 

Today was  another big work day that started off with a phonecall about a big new contract, and then groceries at night before hubby and beauty and beauty friend comes for the three day weekend . Then I drive home Sunday night to home which I have not spent more then a few days at in the last months with all the travel to Peru and Italy and New Jersey and Miami and Toronto and cottage .

It's been an special week and a very crazy few months  but full of stuff that is flexible and wonderful and alot of hard work.This is the life I always wanted . Now I have it 

 I am so ready for so much . I can feel it in my bones . Always a great sign of excellent things to come

make time for these quarterly reviews in my career and my life.

If i were to narrow it down to one thing- I think this is what allowed the success I am experiencing.

Space. Time. Deliberate. Choices. Values. Strategy.

Our LlifeSaver Guy

(will add pics this weekend as not working!!!!)

This is a huge year for Bear . Sauveteur National ! Canadian federation certified camp counsellor ( if he makes it through the next 4 weeks ! ) Drivers permit ! ( he drove in to camp yesterday which was very cool )

He is an amazing guy . Truly 

So determined and smart and accomplished . So kind and caring and compassionate . So handsome and gorgeous . So so so so so stubborn and hard to bring up !!!

Last week he had his first life guarding job at 25 dollars an hour ! At a private pool and enjoyed great weather and his fave Lebanese lunch and a whole pool of kids to watch. He felt like a million bucks(and almost made that amount too!) 

 He even brought his lifeguard kit complete with barriers in case had to give cpr . I love this kid .

Now a bit of a mess as dropped him for 4 week certification Sunday and for many many reasons won't get into ... He is not happy . That is a long time of not being happy :(((

Anyways praying for best outcomes and for this usually resilient and adaptable kid to have a great summer despite some major last minute obstacles . If not- I have assured myself ( more than him ) that there is always a plan b to be had 

Congrats my Pepsi Cola guy on being able to now officially save lives !!!l

Quality over Quantity

This is a theme in my life lately . I think before now my mindset was abundance on many ways . Quality too ... But primarily abundance .

As much family time as we could fit it .... As many work contracts as possible .... Lots of social plans and events to look forward too .... A closet full of clothes and purses . 

I used to see more friends-plan more things. Keep up. I can assure you that in my visit next week with one of my faraway cherished friends we will pack in more gems in two hours than we could of in 2 hrs a day. It's called power connecting and you should try it! (ps there is sometimes even pre and post work involved so not for everyone!)

Now I find myself in a new place . With the three kids  work and school and summer schedules it is not possible that we spend most weekends at the cottage together anymore . Often we are alone - or with one - or with two and exceptionally with all three .

 Our boat named years ago" five at sea " we now refer to as " five at sea -minus three " 

In work too . I used to work in the corporate role leading people and projects and my area of expertise . I had a lot of flexibility and authority and autonomy but still did what I was told in a lot of ways . Now each day is a blank slate . I choose . Or I don't choose . I chose the contracts that I have time for and interest me it that bring in the money . For now I have been fortunate that I have had a lot of choices ... It's time to narrow them down and get more selective .

When you intend to make a big impact you really have to carefully choose with your heart and head . Abundance is easy for me - impact takes a lot of power and hard work .

I see the moments now we spend with our children as precious . I try to handle them as such and in ways I think the kids so too . It is easier to

Convince them to hang out with us and be full present . It is easier to get their phones away and out of sight for the evening . I think they understand too how precious and fleeting this time is together . I have seen them Mature through absence .

I see when I am with the kids on a more daily basis they annoy me more - I am more irritable with them . I am less likely the abundance and more the special times we all carve out whether that be one two or three kids . At this point we take what we can get .

We have had some rare precious times lately and less in between moments . We drive back and forth from cottage to be with our kids for 4 hrs . We wake up before the sun to drive them to their jobs . We escape sometimes from the daily grind and come alone to the cottage to get away from the chaos  and escape. We do it all differently . We are less abundant .

We spend a lot of time away from eachother as a couple now too. I travel a lot for work and even spend more time alone at the cottage by the lake working and creating . He is taking his pilot license and preparing to trek the machu pichu and sings on a well known choir with an orchestra besides his busy career .  We hang on more and do less of the daily . When we have the chance to be together it is more special . It is cherished .... Until something happens and it is not anymore . the ebbs and flow of life I guess.

Life is moving at a very fast and furious speed . 

I am losing control on so many ways and am more grounded in  myself on so many others .

Grey and ambiguity is not just something to get good at anymore - it has become my life . And I manage and even the rare time embrace the unknown .

Happiness and family and work have had to be redefined as  well as who we are as parents - as a couple and as people .

Middle age is no walk on the park . Neither is having three teenagers . Neither is both of  you running your own own full time businesses . Neither is pain and sickness and sadness

Our blessings have always been abundant and continue to be . Our struggles are plenty too .

This is what makes up a life 

I am personally All In

Sweet smell of summer

Summer ... Ah .. I am staring to taste it:)

Written 2 weeks ago


We always have a bunch of things that happen in June right before real summer starts that signal me that it is around the corner . Things like tons and tons of work around the cottage and house and tons and tons of work for our businesses .

Things like three kids in final exams and tons and tons of studying . Nightly events at the school , with activities , shows .
Never sitting around the table together and cottage time taken by errands and work and school


Then come the more fun things of June like a lot more social plans as the weather gets nicer . Visit form the CDF's and a visit from my sister in law and niece . Right before Peru for work we had CDF and right after Peru Italy and right after Italy sista and niece . It has been a whirlwind ! But a fun one .

Sista and Molly came for 4.5 days and we all had a blast . Cold weather but hikes and walks and talks and runs in the forest at cottage , nice restos , some shopping , a fun game , cooking together , napping together , sitting by the pool and swimming , Thai food , sirien food , . It was so so fun . So glad we made this happen even with my kids being in final exams and having to study about 7 hrs each day of the weekend . We managed to get some good chats and meals and family jacuzzis in there . I love my family ... We missed my bro and other niece but was great to have half of their gang here .

Bear also in June became a certified lifeguard !!! So many hours of courses and work went into this over so many years . So proud of This guy . He is also getting his  one month  counsellor certification at a great camp and will be all set for the working world .

Tonight is our official kick off to summer with our pool part bbq with three couples and all our kids . Can't believe between all the schedules this was able to happen . Short of a miracle ! And still sandwiched between final exams of course !


Today hubby and I also decided that our workout was our last for the summer at the gym . We like it a lot but need a break from routine and Early wake up and with the kids finishing school we don't need to get up at 6:30 am but can sleep until 8am most mornings and jump in the pool to relax a bit before the workday begins . We decided to give ourselves this gift for summer and take lots of walks and jog more often .


We are also having Chase leave 8 weeks ... Bear 4 and beauty 2 weeks . Will be quiet around here ! And we will all be together 8 days for vacations and some weekends here and there in August .


Chase has been off school since May and is driving me bonkers !!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I will miss him for 8 weeks but will be easier than this ! He craves structure and routine and jobs and schools are good for him !!! And our relationship too ! But i complain but he is also so much fun to have around . I think i just need it in smaller doses . His summer job of 8 weeks will be good for him.


It's getting harder and harder to get the kids to the cottage . Often a fight :( I am feeling like we are entering some of the hardest years of our lives as parents and a new stage as a couple )


Then a beautiful late bday dinner for sage with childhood wonder and then luxurious spa sleepover and spa day at Trent which always signifies to me summer is near as we jump in the cold lake and swim right out to the dock and put our wet handprints on the dock and make wishes for ourselves and eachother . I convinced her to sleep over a second night and my family got there at midnight and sage and hubby got up early and had coffee together and a long run before she took the road back home


Then a gorgeous weather weekend of boating for Father's Day where we could not have asked for better weather . Bear stayed home to study and have a date . Beauty studied hours and hours at cottage with meal and chat breaks and chase hung out with us lazily on the boat all weekend . I made a great Father's Day brunch on  the dock and bear made a delicious Father's Day dinner for us and my mom that we are by the pool ( I was impressed ! )


I have decided to capitalize on my flexible work schedule and spend 4 days at cottage alone in a couple of weeks to partially work .. Partially create and brainstorm ... And partially enjoy and sleep in and kayak and powerwalk in thhe forest
And also take lots of Friday's or Monday's off with hubby or kids or friends

Then next week full work week with a trip to Nj with an interesting new project focus I am excited about ..... And then after next week ...


Summer ... Some slowing down of work for a couple of weeks I am imagining 3-4 day weeks if I end up being right ...then three delicious weeks of vacation at cottage partly alone with hubby and one all of us and one a mix of us .


I smell summer - it is just around the corner


Now I just need to slow down my work and my brain, my worries , my nagging , my thinking of the future and enjoy the sweet smells of summer . Not sure if this can happen but i sure hope it does !

My Airport Guy

Years ago a colleague I worked with and whom always seem to have great advice told me " if you travel a lot for work maximize that time the best you can "

For him that meant doing a lot of his shopping at the duty free and most importantly having his dad drive him and pick him up from all trips and grab a bite before security . This was his way to see his dad and to have quality time together often even more than twice a week 

The advice stuck with me . A couple of years later when I heard his dad had passed away my first thought was how lonely he would now be at the airport and how grateful be must have been for all the extra quality time he spent with his dad .

For me airports and planes are a place to get important planning done for work and home . I come up with some of my best blogs best ideas and best work ideas  while in transit 

And now I have added in that Chase drives me and picks me up . We joke in the car today that I might as well just sleep at the airport the amount of trips i have taken for work in the last 4 months . He could drive here with his eyes closed .

I always just turn off my phone on those car rides and soak him in . I love how he lifts in and out my luggage from the trunk and hugs and kisses me as if I will be gone for a lifetime . I love how he tells me " I love you " every single time .

It is a ritual I have come to depend on and I assume soon will share with Bear too who has his learners permit which will be so fun too 

I left the house today with the three teens after half day of exams ( two days to go ) in the pool wth some friends too after a big game of basketball in the heat . I felt thankful they were off their phones and into their lives and happy and content to have their mom travel often for business and there dad work late . They are autonomous that is certain ! ( with a few lists of course to help them along the way ! )

And thankful that chase seemed happy to be Interuppted  to see his mommy off to the airport . I hope it is something my kids will always enjoy doing with me and I will always look forward too . And one day ..: their dad and I will be driving them to their business trips .

( I also have some of my best texting conversations with all three kids and hubby right before the plane takes off and as it lands as i always text them at these time. Last night Chase and i texted for 20 mins and had the craziest funniest and cool conversations. I also have realized how in the last three months i have gotten some of my best excercise in airports just walking so much. I seriously cant believe how much time i have spent in airports- i always travelled every couple of months for work over many years ... But this frequency is all new to me)

My search for meaning

I have been thinking about purpose a lot lately and onto a bit of a discovery journey of what is mine.

Not to sound to full of myself but i think i have a lot to offer this world and in many ways have kept to my own little bubble much of the time . Is it time for that to change ? Should it ? Would i want it to?

Its on my mind lately and as i become more successful and more in demand professionally i ask myself these questions

And for the first time in a long time i think it may be time to answer them.

I was recently very inspired by a very close colleague and dear friend of mine who has climbed to the very top of her career at a global pharm. company. I am so proud it is her in this role as the impact she will make will be so unique and so extremely broad. It stirred something up for me... And got me thinking.

Many people have told me that i have unique talents when it comes to writing, articulation , communication , relationships , presenting . It might be time to take this to the next level. Find out what i am really made up of.

What would i gain ? What would i lose? Anything? Everything?

Something new has awakened in me. I feel a fire in my belly. I am seeking purpose and meaning. I am seeking truth and impact.

I feel like climbing too... I feel like making a big big difference

I think i may need a week at Trent alone to work it all out . By the water .. In my mind... With my heart and soul present.

Stay tuned !

Last Few Pics and phrases from Italy Trip

Back home a few days now...
Was so sweet when we got here chase BFF was sitting on our porch eagerly waiting for him and they ran and hugged like it had been 5 years. It is so awesome to have a true BFF.

I have been so grateful for the friendships our kids are blessed to have. These two have been inseperable (except one miserable year!!!) since grade 1!

Our last day we relaxed on our patio in the sun and then went to Amalfi and took a boat tour there for an hour to another cave. Then lay on the beach for 2 hrs (aka slept) . Then went to Ravello for dinner and was served by a true Italian Mama and had the best Caprese salad on earth. Then we headed for the long 5 hr drive to Rome and slept in an airport hotel for a few short hrs and then came home!

Yummy!!!!

Hubby left us eating icrecream and went up  the chairlift alone at Anna Capri

Small boat tour Amalfi

lemons everywhere!

I loved watching little kids gather and play in the plaza sqares

Unexpected beach right near our hotel (or rather 600 steps down and up!

Hubby and his Diet Coke. Content (somewhat!) and happy in this beautiful slice of paradise

Our last hotel view

Seriously can a view get any better? Walk of Gods

This was an outstanding trip with so many great memories. Was such a honour to share this experience with our eldest child