The fun continues!!

For 10 yrs now on this sunday night of july , we have dropped the other 2 kids off and come back to Trent alone . We sleep here and only go home to work for 1pm monday. And then all week we work super hard with no breaks all day and then each night of that week we go out to dinner the two of us .

That Sunday starts it all off 

And this one was even better as we weren't alone but we had Bear !!!! He came home for a precious 17 hrs . We  dropped off beauty at camp and it was so cool arriving and watching bear at work with the team welcoming all the new campers. They all surround the car as it arrives and dance and sing camp songs 

When it was our turn they started all shouting beauty's name and then she got out of the car and ran into her brothers embrace. She loves those boys such more more than she lets on !!! Then we got to hug him and hug him again . A great thing about both boys is they are super super affectionate with us and have no issue on this on front of friends and co workers . Was soooooo amazing to see our boy 

We laughed our head off minutes later when he was taken aside by his boss and told not to favour specific pretty girls and to keep professional on his welcomes . When bear told hom that girl was his little sister and not some hot chick he was after .... We all  roared of laughter!!!

Beauty settled on quickly with her three camp besties and was in her glory to be there this year . We had  little tears as we said bye to our girl- but she did not this year!!

Bear was in his glory to come home for a night . We went for groceries as per his request and bought a ton of snacks for the rest of his two weeks there . Then chose his fave dinner : steak and fries with portabello mushrooms and parsley sauce and oven baked chocolate chip cookies

He lay on the couch and watched soccer and had a nap and loved relaxing with his phone ( which be has to sneak there in the bathroom  on his job breaks so is very coveted )

( one surprise to all

Of us is that even as instructors they wont let them have their phones in the evenings before  bed or break times  and we all found this over the top for 16.5 yrs olds . They are being treated like babies and like in prison! . I get the rule for campers but not for the monitors and we were all not too happy and like most of

The parents have just told him To lay low and use it for a few mins at night in bed . 

If he had known that he would not have had any communication with his friends , the girl he likes , his siblings etc he never would have signed up for this month job . Summer is too precious and he works so hard at his studies and sports all year long- we decided he deserved to listen to music and be in contact with the world before bed ( some may not agree this was the right approach and maybe it was not but felt it was best overall )

I felt happy for him to see him enjoying himself here for the night .

We went on a sunny evening boat ride and he and i drove the boat to the trailer together for hubby and i to be able to bring on home on the lake for after work this week 

We will watch a great movie after dinner and enjoy our boy .

We got to see chase also for another few mins on Saturday afternoon too . We hung out with beauty  and her bff all day in the pouring rain in the pool at home and laughed and had great conversations . 

It poured all weekend but it was all so nice to be with our girls too

If i am honest though it will be really  wonderful  too have them all safely back at camp and their summer jobs and have this work week alone ( with fun evenings as a couple ) and our first 6 days of vacation alone at the cottage the two of us .

I love being with our kids but i also love seeing them living their own lives ( and not having yo wait up for them

To get home at night )!

What an unexpected gift this weekend was and  now looking forward to the next two weeks too with my Protector 

Magical night

Magical night

I got the  three texts within hours of eachother this afternoon; before a long drive home alone

1- mom can you bring me lots of cookies and donuts when you drop beauty at camp on sunday please ???? ( bear)

2- mom actually no need to get the donuts as i will go with you to do groceries. Can  you and dad pick me up here on sunday for dinner and bring me back for lunch on monday? I need a break

Yes! Yes ! Yes!!!


2 hrs later ..

3- mommy- surprise ! I am on my way home and decided to come home and stay with matthieu  this weekend. Want to have dinner? ( chase )

Yes !!! Yes! Yes!!!


So just like that this rainy weekend brigtned. Not only will we get to see one of our boys but two of our boys! With our girl !!!  We felt like we won the lottery

Chase came home and we whipped him into our arms and could not let go. We took beauty and her bff and chase to basha and watched chase gulp down the food as he said it was the yummiest healthiest thing he ate in a long time . His dad and i kept hugging him in the food line and the woman next to us said " how long has he been away for university ??"

Lol! Away for summer job and only two weeks . We all laughed

We , and the girls and chase had such a great time at that dinner - talking and laughing and sharing and enjoying.

We got home and chase asked if we could drive him and his bff to a party downtown and he was surprised when we said yes !  Then his bff came over and ran to me for a big hug and said it had been too long ( also two weeks! ) then when i was saying bye to chase for the evening and gave him a huge hug for the night- his bff waitied patiently and then said " me too ! I miss my adopted mommy"

Awwwww......

Also the pivotal  unforgettable magical magical moment of the evening was when chase walked in the door and we scremed and ran to him and hugged him hard . His dad and i both . Then beauty walks in and says " what about me ???" And runs runs runs into chase's arms !!! And then looks at all of our shocked faces and said " well of course !!! I have not seen him in two weeks !!!"


This may sound normal to some but it is not for beauty. Not at all . It was one of the top five moments of my life by far . For real. It gave me so much hope and also made me so proud.


This was an amazing night. Chase is having the time of his life as a extreme downhill biking instructor fro the second year in a row as a monitor . He loves it there . So what if tonight he is coming home later than 4 am ?

I love watching them grow . Adore it. Although such a hard age in so many ways and on most days , i am so looking forwa to the next years watching them become adults . Leaving and coming home. Leaving and coming home. I love it.

Onto sunday where we drop off one girl for two weeks and pick up one son for 17 hrs . We cant wait

Being a parent is so incredibly hard and so incredibly beautiful

I would not trade it for anything

Style?

Style and Prescence

I took a course a couple of weeks ago on this subject and it was mesmerizing.
I wasn't  just a participant either , i was to some degree being interviewed to see if i would be a good collaborator to join in this organization and deliver this program myself

It has been such a busy month with me flying across the globe on business travel, big contracts at work, getting the two boys ready to leave for their work for the summer , having out of twon guests  in between at our cottage and home.. That before this trip i barely had time to think.

And then i finally did on my way to this program. On  the flight . With my suitcase packed and beneath the plane

I realized then and there - that i also had a style i was bringing didnt I? What was my style?  Usually business travel is easy as i have power business suits for each season and power shoes and power purses that alot of time energy and thought has gone into ( especially since i started full time in my own business i have made dress a big priority)
I am often one of the better dressed in a room full of business people given i am most often the presenter . People often comment on my style and clothes in a  very positive way

But this time  i was thrown offf and in doubt for this trip given the nature and purpose of it and also a phonecall  that had thrown me off just a few hrs before i finalized my suitcase the same morning of leaving

I had carefully packed my two best summer business suits and my hair straighter and my funky heels and nice bags. I even had a new white suit suit that i was going to wear with a red top and red lipstick all packed for the trip
Then the owner of the  program and who i was going to collaborate on this tells me " no suits " it is not the brand. "And she goes on to tell me that she will wear leggings and a funky pretty top and nice heels.

What??????

This was the oppostite of my business education and experience . For years i was the more funky stylish edgy dresser in business and it served me well . Until it didnt . As i became higher in the organziation and also an entrepreneur i realized that i needed to dress more professionally: more conservatively; less edgy and risky ( though always always professional was my look it needed something more added)

So i changed . And suits have become my trademark now and blaxers and edgiet blouses and less funky jewellery .

And here i had to change yet again ?

Where did i go? Who am i now?


So on this plane ride this all occurred to me . When my suitcase was already packed . Because of that converstaion i had 30 minutes to go from power suits to leggings and ended up with s style somewhere in beteeen . A style that did not belong to me . Professional for sure but not me

I got lost

And i had to stay a little lost for two days

While i was likley being critiqued on my presence and style

And she and i talked about it : my hair, my makeup , my clothes. It was enlighning. Feedack is such the ultimate gift.

( ps also my bronzer makeup was taken at the security at aiport as was 10 mls too large)

Pale. Yup!


Looks have always come naturally to me. Not in a bragging way at all - i just mean to say that i have the kind of looks that are somewhat low maintenance. With good clothes on and some mascara and lipgloss i am good to go. I can brush my hair back into a wet ponytail and be fine. I can  wakeup and have 15. Mins  to get ready and put on a suit and cool top and look put together and ready for the day.  Add a string of pearls around my neck and i look polished  and very classy. My looks are very Adaptable: i can get away with many styles

Or so i thought

Until i was called " earth girl"

Oh my...


Yes its time to look at my style and presecence and what i am projecting. Or not projecting. Its time to challenge my assumptions  that at my age i can still get away with the low key morning routine.

Its time to shake it up. I love feeling uncomfortable and exposed : its signifies to me that i am learning

It signififes to me that there is more out there just waiting to be uncovered and learnt

It means i am not dead yet !

Style?

Style and Prescence

I took a course a couple of weeks ago on this subject and it was mesmerizing.
I wasn't  just a participant either , i was to some degree being interviewed to see if i would be a good collaborator to join in this organization and deliver this program myself

It has been such a busy month with me flying across the globe on business travel, big contracts at work, getting the two boys ready to leave for their work for the summer , having out of twon guests  in between at our cottage and home.. That before this trip i barely had time to think.

And then i finally did on my way to this program. On  the flight . With my suitcase packed and beneath the plane

I realized then and there - that i also had a style i was bringing didnt I? What was my style?  Usually business travel is easy as i have power business suits for each season and power shoes and power purses that alot of time energy and thought has gone into ( especially since i started full time in my own business i have made dress a big priority)
I am often one of the better dressed in a room full of business people given i am most often the presenter . People often comment on my style and clothes in a  very positive way

But this time  i was thrown offf and in doubt for this trip given the nature and purpose of it and also a phonecall  that had thrown me off just a few hrs before i finalized my suitcase the same morning of leaving

I had carefully packed my two best summer business suits and my hair straighter and my funky heels and nice bags. I even had a new white suit suit that i was going to wear with a red top and red lipstick all packed for the trip
Then the owner of the  program and who i was going to collaborate on this tells me " no suits " it is not the brand. "And she goes on to tell me that she will wear leggings and a funky pretty top and nice heels.

What??????

This was the oppostite of my business education and experience . For years i was the more funky stylish edgy dresser in business and it served me well . Until it didnt . As i became higher in the organziation and also an entrepreneur i realized that i needed to dress more professionally: more conservatively; less edgy and risky ( though always always professional was my look it needed something more added)

So i changed . And suits have become my trademark now and blaxers and edgiet blouses and less funky jewellery .

And here i had to change yet again ?

Where did i go? Who am i now?


So on this plane ride this all occurred to me . When my suitcase was already packed . Because of that converstaion i had 30 minutes to go from power suits to leggings and ended up with s style somewhere in beteeen . A style that did not belong to me . Professional for sure but not me

I got lost

And i had to stay a little lost for two days

While i was likley being critiqued on my presence and style

And she and i talked about it : my hair, my makeup , my clothes. It was enlighning. Feedack is such the ultimate gift.

( ps also my bronzer makeup was taken at the security at aiport as was 10 mls too large)

Pale. Yup!


Looks have always come naturally to me. Not in a bragging way at all - i just mean to say that i have the kind of looks that are somewhat low maintenance. With good clothes on and some mascara and lipgloss i am good to go. I can brush my hair back into a wet ponytail and be fine. I can  wakeup and have 15. Mins  to get ready and put on a suit and cool top and look put together and ready for the day.  Add a string of pearls around my neck and i look polished  and very classy. My looks are very Adaptable: i can get away with many styles

Or so i thought

Until i was called " earth girl"

Oh my...


Yes its time to look at my style and presecence and what i am projecting. Or not projecting. Its time to challenge my assumptions  that at my age i can still get away with the low key morning routine.

Its time to shake it up. I love feeling uncomfortable and exposed : its signifies to me that i am learning

It signififes to me that there is more out there just waiting to be uncovered and learnt

It means i am not dead yet !

My Own

I could get used to this.

I have always loved my cottage-but never as much as this week.

It was mine. Only mine.

And it was quiet!

 ( well somewhat barring daughter back injury and husband MIA and then my mom thinking he had a heart attack in his office and almost calling 911! )

 A normal chaotic week except ... I was not there . Nor was I on a business trip . Nor on vacation .

I was at the cottage alone . Working my ass off . And in between taking some pretty cool nature breaks 

I decided to work here alone for 4 days and nights as I never seem to have time to do the strategic and creative and innovative stuff my career demands . And it was catching up to me . I have been fortunate enough lately to have many professionals approach me and want to partner up on fairly big initiatives and I needed some time to think through it all and make decisions . Also work more on meaning and impact and what that will be for rest of 2016 and 2017 .

So I stayed at my fave place when hubby and beauty went home and will welcome them back  late tonight for the long weekend . 

It was an odd week . And most of me loves every minute of it ( maybe a bit too much ! ) it certainly proved to me that I am not the extrovert everyone assumes I am . I am thrilled with my own company . If I can work - read - create -think in peace - strategize and swim in a lake - I am happy . Throw in a cupcake or brownie here and there and I am thrilled .

So got up early most mornings and got to work straight away by the lake on the dock . Then many telecons and skpe meetings in the screened in porch . Then work and work and work . Always managed to get one kayak ride on and at least three 5 minute swims . Always stopped for two low cal meals and one healthy snack too .

Often worked until 10pm at night . Wrote some blogs . Did some texting and catching up on personal stuff . The days have been flowing in lovely ways actually . I sorta do whatever I want when I feel like it but clearly very different from vacation as have huge lists per day of work and meetings that need to get done . It's a odd experience . Then here and there I feel I need a power nap or a swim or a break or I need to sleep in or go to bed early - I just do it ! It is so odd .

After two 14 hr days I decided yesterday would be a half day . I got up and worked 7am -1:30pm and then headed out to one of my fave spots on earth : Nordic thermal baths . I have been there plenty but never by my myself and I dreamed for a long time of the day I had today . In the woods , walking on trials near waterfalls and cascades , sitting on my robe by an outside fire pit , going in the hot baths and then the super cold baths and then the minty eucalyptus wet sauna .

Lying in the dark quiet rooms in solitude . Lying in hammocks . Getting a heavenly massage . Eating my fave lunch of chicken and carmalazized onions and goat cheese sandwich with a balsamic glazed  salad .

All by myself . With a particular goal which was to plan the rest of 2016 for my business and what my focuses should be . And I got a lot done and accomplished . A lot . It was a great place to strategize and create and innovate . I felt so surrounded by nature and at peace and inspired 

 I left with a long ( but focused list ) of my big picture priorities on the business side and even a few key different things on the personal side too . 

These 4 days have been good too catch up on things I want yet rarelyr find enough time to do. Plan dates with friends , plan our upcoming 20th anniversary to make it extra special , thinking about the way in which to want to celebrate my fall 45th bday , planning a special fall family photo shoot in the leaves at the cottage , getting super caught up with my besties by text or on the phone 

And most exciting of all I am going away to

Miami for three days at my birthday in October with both my brothers !!!! 

I have always love the gift of time . And the gift of 2/3 not kids around if I am honest . It is so relaxing,, I miss them but it doesn't last long . I love not having responsibilities . Work to me has always been a bit of a pleasure and a piece of cake - it comes as naturally to me as breathing . I reached out to both boys tonight and texted them as felt like two pieces of me are missing . It felt good to get their texts back and have them share their experiences . Has also felt good to share more with beauty this week even if only by text and phone . Her brothers take up a lot of space and I am happy for her that she gets more of us and our time . She got her dad tonight to go shopping either even and used up her clothing budget on Nike clothes ! ('Ps she doesn't have a clothing budget  but the perks of being alone and shopping with dad I guess !! ) 

Today was  another big work day that started off with a phonecall about a big new contract, and then groceries at night before hubby and beauty and beauty friend comes for the three day weekend . Then I drive home Sunday night to home which I have not spent more then a few days at in the last months with all the travel to Peru and Italy and New Jersey and Miami and Toronto and cottage .

It's been an special week and a very crazy few months  but full of stuff that is flexible and wonderful and alot of hard work.This is the life I always wanted . Now I have it 

 I am so ready for so much . I can feel it in my bones . Always a great sign of excellent things to come

make time for these quarterly reviews in my career and my life.

If i were to narrow it down to one thing- I think this is what allowed the success I am experiencing.

Space. Time. Deliberate. Choices. Values. Strategy.

Our LlifeSaver Guy

(will add pics this weekend as not working!!!!)

This is a huge year for Bear . Sauveteur National ! Canadian federation certified camp counsellor ( if he makes it through the next 4 weeks ! ) Drivers permit ! ( he drove in to camp yesterday which was very cool )

He is an amazing guy . Truly 

So determined and smart and accomplished . So kind and caring and compassionate . So handsome and gorgeous . So so so so so stubborn and hard to bring up !!!

Last week he had his first life guarding job at 25 dollars an hour ! At a private pool and enjoyed great weather and his fave Lebanese lunch and a whole pool of kids to watch. He felt like a million bucks(and almost made that amount too!) 

 He even brought his lifeguard kit complete with barriers in case had to give cpr . I love this kid .

Now a bit of a mess as dropped him for 4 week certification Sunday and for many many reasons won't get into ... He is not happy . That is a long time of not being happy :(((

Anyways praying for best outcomes and for this usually resilient and adaptable kid to have a great summer despite some major last minute obstacles . If not- I have assured myself ( more than him ) that there is always a plan b to be had 

Congrats my Pepsi Cola guy on being able to now officially save lives !!!l

Quality over Quantity

This is a theme in my life lately . I think before now my mindset was abundance on many ways . Quality too ... But primarily abundance .

As much family time as we could fit it .... As many work contracts as possible .... Lots of social plans and events to look forward too .... A closet full of clothes and purses . 

I used to see more friends-plan more things. Keep up. I can assure you that in my visit next week with one of my faraway cherished friends we will pack in more gems in two hours than we could of in 2 hrs a day. It's called power connecting and you should try it! (ps there is sometimes even pre and post work involved so not for everyone!)

Now I find myself in a new place . With the three kids  work and school and summer schedules it is not possible that we spend most weekends at the cottage together anymore . Often we are alone - or with one - or with two and exceptionally with all three .

 Our boat named years ago" five at sea " we now refer to as " five at sea -minus three " 

In work too . I used to work in the corporate role leading people and projects and my area of expertise . I had a lot of flexibility and authority and autonomy but still did what I was told in a lot of ways . Now each day is a blank slate . I choose . Or I don't choose . I chose the contracts that I have time for and interest me it that bring in the money . For now I have been fortunate that I have had a lot of choices ... It's time to narrow them down and get more selective .

When you intend to make a big impact you really have to carefully choose with your heart and head . Abundance is easy for me - impact takes a lot of power and hard work .

I see the moments now we spend with our children as precious . I try to handle them as such and in ways I think the kids so too . It is easier to

Convince them to hang out with us and be full present . It is easier to get their phones away and out of sight for the evening . I think they understand too how precious and fleeting this time is together . I have seen them Mature through absence .

I see when I am with the kids on a more daily basis they annoy me more - I am more irritable with them . I am less likely the abundance and more the special times we all carve out whether that be one two or three kids . At this point we take what we can get .

We have had some rare precious times lately and less in between moments . We drive back and forth from cottage to be with our kids for 4 hrs . We wake up before the sun to drive them to their jobs . We escape sometimes from the daily grind and come alone to the cottage to get away from the chaos  and escape. We do it all differently . We are less abundant .

We spend a lot of time away from eachother as a couple now too. I travel a lot for work and even spend more time alone at the cottage by the lake working and creating . He is taking his pilot license and preparing to trek the machu pichu and sings on a well known choir with an orchestra besides his busy career .  We hang on more and do less of the daily . When we have the chance to be together it is more special . It is cherished .... Until something happens and it is not anymore . the ebbs and flow of life I guess.

Life is moving at a very fast and furious speed . 

I am losing control on so many ways and am more grounded in  myself on so many others .

Grey and ambiguity is not just something to get good at anymore - it has become my life . And I manage and even the rare time embrace the unknown .

Happiness and family and work have had to be redefined as  well as who we are as parents - as a couple and as people .

Middle age is no walk on the park . Neither is having three teenagers . Neither is both of  you running your own own full time businesses . Neither is pain and sickness and sadness

Our blessings have always been abundant and continue to be . Our struggles are plenty too .

This is what makes up a life 

I am personally All In