Having an 18.5 yrs old son

On first night of our official vacation and childless 6 days we decide to chill at home at our pool with takeout and a movie on our outside Bali bed without a care in the world . 

The following events are true and accurate :

5pm:  ( chase ) hi guys I decided to come home for the evening 

5pm - ( us ) cool ! Want to have dinner with us ?

• no thanks ! Seeing friends 
• ps I am taking your car for the week and leaving tomorrow morning . Thanks !

7pm - I know I can't have dinner but can you pick me up at the bus anyways ?

7:30- I just have to text a few friends and then I will come outside and chat for a few mins ok ? Love you !

7:40pm - well we have chatted enough . I have to finalize my plans now . Thanks !

7:45pm - well guys plans have changed . I will stay home afterall !!!!

7:45pm - ( us ) yay!!! That is so great and we miss you and are happy to hang out with you !! What movie do you want to watch ??

7:46 pm - no mom and dad ! I invited a girl over and we are using the pool and the jacuzzi silly !!! Dad can you please put jacuzzi on for us !

Girl arrives in her bikini after chase picks her up

With our new car that he is not allowed to drive without permission 

8pm- mom and dad can you do me a favour and do this pile of laundry ? I don't have time 

8:15 - mom ... You guys can't come outside ok ? At all ! And we don't want the kitchen lights on so make sure not to eat your dinner in the kitchen ... Or the dining room 

8:30pm - mom eat your dinner in your room ok ? ( no lights )

8:45pm - mom and dad I will treat you to a nice anniversary dinner . I will not be present but I will pay - pls leave !!!

Us ... Going about our business and packing for vacation and eating ( at a table ) .. With some lights . Actively ignoring our son while washing his laundry 

1am - hear garage open and our ( new ) car driven off no txt and no telling us 

2am - we call chase. Hello wtf are you ???

2am - oh I forgot to mention I am having coffee now with mike at tims hortons !!!!

2:05 am - us - you forgot yet took our car ???

2:10 am - yes I am sooooo super sorry mom and dad . Now that I live away for the summer and do my own thing I am really not used to any rules . Or really comfortable with them anymore . Maybe after vacation we can renegotiate a few things ?

Yup !

Today is 20 yrs ....

(well yesterday actually-July 14th)

20 yrs later:))

renewing our vows::))))

Today we celebrate that I have been with my Protector for half of my life almost exactly ( met him two years before got married at age 24 so was 22 when we met )

This weekend I will write more about how these 20 years have occurred to me and some splendid truths I have learnt along the way 

But today is just splendid in itself . The way 20 yrs of marriages are . Earlier this week we fought and cried and screamed . We mistrusted and were hurt and in pain . Since then we are closer than even before - back to a place of security 

Yesterday there were a dozen pink roses delivered 

We went out on the boat for Thai with great friends who spoiled us with their culinary snacks in the sundown 

This morning took our time in bed and talked about our wedding 20 yrs ago 

Hubby scrolled up a little program for the morning and evening with a little pink ribbon 

Morning in our 45 mins before work :

Kiss and hug

Look at all wedding albums by the pool

Swim in the pool

Kissing and hugging 

Evening 

Meet at yacht club 6:30pm

Go park boat in quiet area 

Renew our vows 

Go to my fave Indian resto

Watch some Netflix 

Perfect for me !! And if weather not good for boating we will sit at the lake and admire it while we devise our new vows and go eat Indian by car  

We are not  usually big anniversary celebrators but hey ... 20???? Just sounds pretty big to me and sounds like it needs to  be celebrated 

The funny thing was I wanted to do something nice for Hubby during the day but we were both swamped at work - so I ended up bringing him and his office manager at work a special lunch to share . She was laughing so hard that she was getting to be the one instead of me sharing a celebration lunch with my husband !

Since our kids never celebrate our anniversary with us ( always away last 10 years at camps at this time

Of year ) we decided that 20

Yrs is celebrated with the family also  later in fall .We booked  a room at the fairmont Tremblant  hotel for October when the foliage is at its most beautiful and we are going to spend a night and do the via Ferrata rock climbing expedition on the mountain us five .  In between enjoy the hotels heated outdoor pool wth the beautiful leaves .Then go to our fave fondue restaurant and the next day I have booked a family photo shoot at our cottage with an amazing photographer who specializes in documentary photography . I love her stuff and I want to capture the moments of our lives less posed at Trent . The feelings , the anger , the happiness , the teasing , the whining and complaining , the joy , the life that is contained there for us . Real life . 

While we are all under one roof still which may not last forever with one finishing cegep next year and choosing where to attend his 3 yrs of university 

And I will blow up one big family documentary picture and have a place for it right over a sofa at Trent . I have wanted this picture for years and we decided to make it happen and invest in it for this special celebration 

After this anniversary 25 needs to be celebrated ( and I have told the kids they need to organize this one ) and then 50th ( which they can both organize and pay for ! )

For some reason 20 seemed important too

It seemed like a huge accomplishment as the last number of years have not been the easiest but we have made it . More than made it - we have made it beautiful in our own way 

I am looking forward to integrating  my new vows into our lives and living the next phase of our togetherness 

( ps - although super windy on lake we took on the waves and found a quiet spot to write and create and share our new vows . It was truly a beautiful process and we held hands and looked into eachother's eyes just like we did at our wedding . This time our vows were based on knowing eachother so deeply and so well and were deeply meaningful to both of us .

We debated as to whether this is it or if we re write in 5 yrs at 25th ! 

silly selfies

we have a tradion to see these friends each week of our anniversary (don't get to see them often but they love the boat too and always falls on that week. they make the best boat snacks too LOL!!!

Us blowing a kiss to our three kiddies

Awakening Remarkable Choices

That is my purpose .

I always knew I had one , and this week it was articulated .

I love it . It is me .

It was very much inspired by a very close friend and colleague and she helped me a lot with it . We went back and forth countless times on  text trying to get it just right .

It resonates . It's who I am - what I do - what I want to do and who I want to be  and what I will continue doing for others .To me it all comes down to these three words both in professional and personal life 

And having a purpose ? Is hugely powerful .

I am wondering if it was coincidence that I had a great wonderful meeting yesterday that really motivated and inspired me 

I wonderful if it was coincidence that yesterday morning I felt in many ways I had a spiritual awakening of sorts ?

And I wonder if last night  it was a coincidence the weather cooperated with us just perfectly with no waves and hot heat while we took the perfect Romantic boat ride and dinner ?

And if this morning the intimacy I felt with my husband and the warmth and the playfulness was all just coincidence ?

Or the 12 beautiful pink roses that came to my door were only for our 20 yrs anniversary tomorrow or simply because of other forces at play ?

I feel great today 

My back/neck feel great

My heart feels light 

I feel warm and fuzzy

I feel kind and forgiving and gentle 

I feel pretty 

I feel cherished 

I feel empowered 

On a day and at a time which I could be thinking and feeling a whole lot of other things : I feel complete 

I feel I have a purpose . And I know what it is . I always knew . But once in a while it slipped away from me . Now it is back 

And you can guarantee - that I will be doing something BIG with it 

The fun continues!!

For 10 yrs now on this sunday night of july , we have dropped the other 2 kids off and come back to Trent alone . We sleep here and only go home to work for 1pm monday. And then all week we work super hard with no breaks all day and then each night of that week we go out to dinner the two of us .

That Sunday starts it all off 

And this one was even better as we weren't alone but we had Bear !!!! He came home for a precious 17 hrs . We  dropped off beauty at camp and it was so cool arriving and watching bear at work with the team welcoming all the new campers. They all surround the car as it arrives and dance and sing camp songs 

When it was our turn they started all shouting beauty's name and then she got out of the car and ran into her brothers embrace. She loves those boys such more more than she lets on !!! Then we got to hug him and hug him again . A great thing about both boys is they are super super affectionate with us and have no issue on this on front of friends and co workers . Was soooooo amazing to see our boy 

We laughed our head off minutes later when he was taken aside by his boss and told not to favour specific pretty girls and to keep professional on his welcomes . When bear told hom that girl was his little sister and not some hot chick he was after .... We all  roared of laughter!!!

Beauty settled on quickly with her three camp besties and was in her glory to be there this year . We had  little tears as we said bye to our girl- but she did not this year!!

Bear was in his glory to come home for a night . We went for groceries as per his request and bought a ton of snacks for the rest of his two weeks there . Then chose his fave dinner : steak and fries with portabello mushrooms and parsley sauce and oven baked chocolate chip cookies

He lay on the couch and watched soccer and had a nap and loved relaxing with his phone ( which be has to sneak there in the bathroom  on his job breaks so is very coveted )

( one surprise to all

Of us is that even as instructors they wont let them have their phones in the evenings before  bed or break times  and we all found this over the top for 16.5 yrs olds . They are being treated like babies and like in prison! . I get the rule for campers but not for the monitors and we were all not too happy and like most of

The parents have just told him To lay low and use it for a few mins at night in bed . 

If he had known that he would not have had any communication with his friends , the girl he likes , his siblings etc he never would have signed up for this month job . Summer is too precious and he works so hard at his studies and sports all year long- we decided he deserved to listen to music and be in contact with the world before bed ( some may not agree this was the right approach and maybe it was not but felt it was best overall )

I felt happy for him to see him enjoying himself here for the night .

We went on a sunny evening boat ride and he and i drove the boat to the trailer together for hubby and i to be able to bring on home on the lake for after work this week 

We will watch a great movie after dinner and enjoy our boy .

We got to see chase also for another few mins on Saturday afternoon too . We hung out with beauty  and her bff all day in the pouring rain in the pool at home and laughed and had great conversations . 

It poured all weekend but it was all so nice to be with our girls too

If i am honest though it will be really  wonderful  too have them all safely back at camp and their summer jobs and have this work week alone ( with fun evenings as a couple ) and our first 6 days of vacation alone at the cottage the two of us .

I love being with our kids but i also love seeing them living their own lives ( and not having yo wait up for them

To get home at night )!

What an unexpected gift this weekend was and  now looking forward to the next two weeks too with my Protector 

Magical night

Magical night

I got the  three texts within hours of eachother this afternoon; before a long drive home alone

1- mom can you bring me lots of cookies and donuts when you drop beauty at camp on sunday please ???? ( bear)

2- mom actually no need to get the donuts as i will go with you to do groceries. Can  you and dad pick me up here on sunday for dinner and bring me back for lunch on monday? I need a break

Yes! Yes ! Yes!!!


2 hrs later ..

3- mommy- surprise ! I am on my way home and decided to come home and stay with matthieu  this weekend. Want to have dinner? ( chase )

Yes !!! Yes! Yes!!!


So just like that this rainy weekend brigtned. Not only will we get to see one of our boys but two of our boys! With our girl !!!  We felt like we won the lottery

Chase came home and we whipped him into our arms and could not let go. We took beauty and her bff and chase to basha and watched chase gulp down the food as he said it was the yummiest healthiest thing he ate in a long time . His dad and i kept hugging him in the food line and the woman next to us said " how long has he been away for university ??"

Lol! Away for summer job and only two weeks . We all laughed

We , and the girls and chase had such a great time at that dinner - talking and laughing and sharing and enjoying.

We got home and chase asked if we could drive him and his bff to a party downtown and he was surprised when we said yes !  Then his bff came over and ran to me for a big hug and said it had been too long ( also two weeks! ) then when i was saying bye to chase for the evening and gave him a huge hug for the night- his bff waitied patiently and then said " me too ! I miss my adopted mommy"

Awwwww......

Also the pivotal  unforgettable magical magical moment of the evening was when chase walked in the door and we scremed and ran to him and hugged him hard . His dad and i both . Then beauty walks in and says " what about me ???" And runs runs runs into chase's arms !!! And then looks at all of our shocked faces and said " well of course !!! I have not seen him in two weeks !!!"


This may sound normal to some but it is not for beauty. Not at all . It was one of the top five moments of my life by far . For real. It gave me so much hope and also made me so proud.


This was an amazing night. Chase is having the time of his life as a extreme downhill biking instructor fro the second year in a row as a monitor . He loves it there . So what if tonight he is coming home later than 4 am ?

I love watching them grow . Adore it. Although such a hard age in so many ways and on most days , i am so looking forwa to the next years watching them become adults . Leaving and coming home. Leaving and coming home. I love it.

Onto sunday where we drop off one girl for two weeks and pick up one son for 17 hrs . We cant wait

Being a parent is so incredibly hard and so incredibly beautiful

I would not trade it for anything

Style?

Style and Prescence

I took a course a couple of weeks ago on this subject and it was mesmerizing.
I wasn't  just a participant either , i was to some degree being interviewed to see if i would be a good collaborator to join in this organization and deliver this program myself

It has been such a busy month with me flying across the globe on business travel, big contracts at work, getting the two boys ready to leave for their work for the summer , having out of twon guests  in between at our cottage and home.. That before this trip i barely had time to think.

And then i finally did on my way to this program. On  the flight . With my suitcase packed and beneath the plane

I realized then and there - that i also had a style i was bringing didnt I? What was my style?  Usually business travel is easy as i have power business suits for each season and power shoes and power purses that alot of time energy and thought has gone into ( especially since i started full time in my own business i have made dress a big priority)
I am often one of the better dressed in a room full of business people given i am most often the presenter . People often comment on my style and clothes in a  very positive way

But this time  i was thrown offf and in doubt for this trip given the nature and purpose of it and also a phonecall  that had thrown me off just a few hrs before i finalized my suitcase the same morning of leaving

I had carefully packed my two best summer business suits and my hair straighter and my funky heels and nice bags. I even had a new white suit suit that i was going to wear with a red top and red lipstick all packed for the trip
Then the owner of the  program and who i was going to collaborate on this tells me " no suits " it is not the brand. "And she goes on to tell me that she will wear leggings and a funky pretty top and nice heels.

What??????

This was the oppostite of my business education and experience . For years i was the more funky stylish edgy dresser in business and it served me well . Until it didnt . As i became higher in the organziation and also an entrepreneur i realized that i needed to dress more professionally: more conservatively; less edgy and risky ( though always always professional was my look it needed something more added)

So i changed . And suits have become my trademark now and blaxers and edgiet blouses and less funky jewellery .

And here i had to change yet again ?

Where did i go? Who am i now?


So on this plane ride this all occurred to me . When my suitcase was already packed . Because of that converstaion i had 30 minutes to go from power suits to leggings and ended up with s style somewhere in beteeen . A style that did not belong to me . Professional for sure but not me

I got lost

And i had to stay a little lost for two days

While i was likley being critiqued on my presence and style

And she and i talked about it : my hair, my makeup , my clothes. It was enlighning. Feedack is such the ultimate gift.

( ps also my bronzer makeup was taken at the security at aiport as was 10 mls too large)

Pale. Yup!


Looks have always come naturally to me. Not in a bragging way at all - i just mean to say that i have the kind of looks that are somewhat low maintenance. With good clothes on and some mascara and lipgloss i am good to go. I can brush my hair back into a wet ponytail and be fine. I can  wakeup and have 15. Mins  to get ready and put on a suit and cool top and look put together and ready for the day.  Add a string of pearls around my neck and i look polished  and very classy. My looks are very Adaptable: i can get away with many styles

Or so i thought

Until i was called " earth girl"

Oh my...


Yes its time to look at my style and presecence and what i am projecting. Or not projecting. Its time to challenge my assumptions  that at my age i can still get away with the low key morning routine.

Its time to shake it up. I love feeling uncomfortable and exposed : its signifies to me that i am learning

It signififes to me that there is more out there just waiting to be uncovered and learnt

It means i am not dead yet !

Style?

Style and Prescence

I took a course a couple of weeks ago on this subject and it was mesmerizing.
I wasn't  just a participant either , i was to some degree being interviewed to see if i would be a good collaborator to join in this organization and deliver this program myself

It has been such a busy month with me flying across the globe on business travel, big contracts at work, getting the two boys ready to leave for their work for the summer , having out of twon guests  in between at our cottage and home.. That before this trip i barely had time to think.

And then i finally did on my way to this program. On  the flight . With my suitcase packed and beneath the plane

I realized then and there - that i also had a style i was bringing didnt I? What was my style?  Usually business travel is easy as i have power business suits for each season and power shoes and power purses that alot of time energy and thought has gone into ( especially since i started full time in my own business i have made dress a big priority)
I am often one of the better dressed in a room full of business people given i am most often the presenter . People often comment on my style and clothes in a  very positive way

But this time  i was thrown offf and in doubt for this trip given the nature and purpose of it and also a phonecall  that had thrown me off just a few hrs before i finalized my suitcase the same morning of leaving

I had carefully packed my two best summer business suits and my hair straighter and my funky heels and nice bags. I even had a new white suit suit that i was going to wear with a red top and red lipstick all packed for the trip
Then the owner of the  program and who i was going to collaborate on this tells me " no suits " it is not the brand. "And she goes on to tell me that she will wear leggings and a funky pretty top and nice heels.

What??????

This was the oppostite of my business education and experience . For years i was the more funky stylish edgy dresser in business and it served me well . Until it didnt . As i became higher in the organziation and also an entrepreneur i realized that i needed to dress more professionally: more conservatively; less edgy and risky ( though always always professional was my look it needed something more added)

So i changed . And suits have become my trademark now and blaxers and edgiet blouses and less funky jewellery .

And here i had to change yet again ?

Where did i go? Who am i now?


So on this plane ride this all occurred to me . When my suitcase was already packed . Because of that converstaion i had 30 minutes to go from power suits to leggings and ended up with s style somewhere in beteeen . A style that did not belong to me . Professional for sure but not me

I got lost

And i had to stay a little lost for two days

While i was likley being critiqued on my presence and style

And she and i talked about it : my hair, my makeup , my clothes. It was enlighning. Feedack is such the ultimate gift.

( ps also my bronzer makeup was taken at the security at aiport as was 10 mls too large)

Pale. Yup!


Looks have always come naturally to me. Not in a bragging way at all - i just mean to say that i have the kind of looks that are somewhat low maintenance. With good clothes on and some mascara and lipgloss i am good to go. I can brush my hair back into a wet ponytail and be fine. I can  wakeup and have 15. Mins  to get ready and put on a suit and cool top and look put together and ready for the day.  Add a string of pearls around my neck and i look polished  and very classy. My looks are very Adaptable: i can get away with many styles

Or so i thought

Until i was called " earth girl"

Oh my...


Yes its time to look at my style and presecence and what i am projecting. Or not projecting. Its time to challenge my assumptions  that at my age i can still get away with the low key morning routine.

Its time to shake it up. I love feeling uncomfortable and exposed : its signifies to me that i am learning

It signififes to me that there is more out there just waiting to be uncovered and learnt

It means i am not dead yet !