Changing the Dance

Have you ever been in a dance you wanted to change?

Have you been part of that dance all of your life?

Has the person been dancing along with you?

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to change the rhythm and the steps?

To move completely differently, alongside another person.

To discover together a new way of being, of relating, of communicating. Of dancing?

It definitely takes courage to shake it up. It takes guts to change it and courage to receive the change.

But imagine the possibilities if you were to do it.

Imagine what it might bring you.

Imagine where these steps might lead you.

Maybe..you might actually be free.

You might free up the dance partner too.

Maybe taking a risk might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

And maybe you will succeed in changing their moves

And maybe you will not.

You might even fail.

But your dance will have changed anyways. You will be different.

You will feel complete.

You will feel peaceful.

And so will they even if it takes a while.

There is nothing wrong with dancing differently, or wanting to.

If you change, you are brave.

If you change, the world shifts with you.

What you always knew will suddenly be different.

And different ,although hard, is often wonderful.

Good for you.

Order of Life........ (Introducing My Teacher of Beauty)

Like Tarina Lauren Kate, my “Pathfinder” I too am a lucky girl. I am lucky in health, and lucky in love. And just like my “Pathfinder”, I also believe that luck is something that happens through careful considered deliberate actions and is not something that lands in your lap.

Yet I am unlike her in many ways. I guess that is why I find her so intriguing, so interesting and so desirable to get to know.  Life is defined by experiences and mine like anyone else’s are unique. Mine like anyone else’s are different to my “Pathfinders”. The nature of my blogs will be around the experiences and hardships that define me and my life choices. My theme will be about “Being Beautiful”. I ask you to suspend judgement about what that means at this stage and read on. Thank you for allowing me to be your Guest Blogger dear “Pathfinder” I hope your loyal readers don’t mind the interruption.

 

Order of Life

There is an expected order of life, like the oldest person usually dies first, the oldest child goes to school first, the youngest child grows up quickest, you know the sort of thing. We often don't think about the expected order of events, however as soon as this pattern is broken or something happens the wrong way round, we are stunned and often unable to accept the turn of events.

One event that I am sure none of you has given much time to think about is losing your hair. So the unspoken, undiscussed and highly likely expected order of events is as follows. From a male perspective, the granddad loses his hair first, then the dad as he gets older and never the children. From the female perspective, again maybe the grandfather, then the spouse and that's it. So what happens when the 30 something year old woman loses her hair first?? Now that is a change of the natural path, a little unusual and some would say freaky. Well that is what happened to me.

The first reaction, is “well that can't happen, that’s not how it works, that’s just wrong”.  Then over the next few years you manage to get over the shock of losing one of your defining assets and build in coping strategies, and after that you even enter into the playful stage of “oooohhh what type of wig suits me best, are blonde curls really possible?”  And then finally, the most liberating phase kicks in, the phase of acceptance.

So why is it that things happening in the wrong order are so hard to deal with.  Why is it that there is an order at all, where does that order come from? Are we so reliant on past patterns that we can’t deal with any alterations?

For me in the first instance of being dealt an incorrect order of life, was that my life seemingly falls apart, there are very few constants in life, few reliable events, but those few that are sure, we rely on, so when they change, our world view shifts, we begin to question everything and wonder what else can happen. The good news is that we learn the most out of hardship. It may not seem like it at the time (does the question - why me??? Sound familiar?) however if you look hard enough there is always some good to be found in any event. You just have to care enough to look and sometimes look real hard.

The good that I discovered was plenty. I started looking at my assests in different ways,  I discovered how lovely my eyes were, I understood for the first time that purple makeup makes my green eyes look beautiful, and I also saw that the colour of my clothes made a difference to my complexion and finally and very importantly I understood that my bum did not only look good in this new dress but GREAT.

It's a shame that I had to lose my hair to appreciate the gifts I had been given by mother nature, but that's how this stuff works isn't it.  So I as sign off, I encourage you all to spend 60 seconds thinking about something you have in your life, something that you have not yet spent time on appreciating in it's entirety, then acknowledge it and go tell somebody about it.  My tip for the day, don't wait for your hair to fall out!

Enchanter...

Starting in a few days I am going to have a series of guest bloggers , hopefully one per week for the next couple of months.

Why?
Because.

At work I am in charge of diversity,so I think about it often as a subject. Diversity is what makes the world turn.
I want some on my blog.
I want some for you.

Also this year besides the 25 fiction books I estimate I read, I also read another 25 at least non fiction books-mostly on family, business or life work integration. Many of them had opinions that were radically different than my own..but they were enlightning just the same (one I am reading right now which is advising me to gently tell my child 35 times in the same day to not eat a poisonous apple off the ground and go play a game inside the house where she is not tempted) Anyone hear of "NO APPLE!"??? (the same book however has a whole host of awesome parenting techniques for getting kids up and out in the morning on time and communicating effectively with teens) Love it! Hate it!

It's so important in life to read or hear about views different than our own, to either alter our perspective or more often than not solidify our initial way of thinking.

So I am excited for my guest bloggers.
I am excited to be able to share this creative outlet with them. Excited to read the drafts coming my way.

None will have access to my blogger spot but I will copy and paste and send their way any comments you may have. So please let me know how their posts are landing for you?

I will encourage topics that fit well with my blog....and posts that I enjoy reading myself and learn from.

Won't be having anyone guest post about the joys of making paper airplanes or how to ensure your child lives at home with you until he is 41 yrs old. I promise.

After all it is my blog right?

After my Sexy Girls post yesterday I hear that some are thinking my blog is getting a bit racier than in 2011? That is correct! I am having some serious fun with this lately.

And while you are at it-please send me any good blog suggestions that you read yourself. Besides my BFF's blog (which I LOVE) and another Mommy blog I read about a woman with lots of kids and lots of great ideas and a whole lot of optimism and zest for life (which sometimes depresses me and other days inspires me).....I have given up on some of the other blogs I have been reading on and off.

Either the writers don't write often enough for me , they depress me about how life is just a bowl of cherries day after day, or they just don't impact me in the way I am looking for.

I want to Learn. I want Bold. I want Real. I want to be Inspired. I want laughter, love, family, sexy, tears and drama. I want to look forward to every morning at 6:55am to reading something that will keep me keen and interested.
Ideas anyone?

So hope my guest bloggers will spice up my own blog and diversify my own style, thoughts and ideas.

May the blog high jacking begin!! Stay tuned!

Sexy Girls

I have met a few sexy girls lately….and decided for me what makes a woman sexy in my opinion.

A disclaimer upfront: I have zero attraction to women at all-zero, but have always appreciated the beauty of women in general and have always analyzed what men may or not find attractive in a women. Women and their beauty and attractiveness and sexiness are interesting subjects for me.

I have never ever had an issue in turning to my husband and saying how beautiful or attractive another woman in the room is…I have never feel likes it takes anything away from me. If anything it adds something to me. It adds to my confidence and security.

Sexy woman to me are all about three things: smiles, mystery and confidence.

If you have all three you are pretty much sexy in my books regardless of what you actually look like.

Oh ya and you have to dress really well for your body type. I am all about clothes and accessories. Really good clothes.

Oh ya and your teeth have to look really clean and white.

Oh ya and you have to have style too. A personal brand.

Oh ya and I prefer natural beauties.

All the rest is just peanuts as far as I am concerned.

A Great Smile: smiling to me is the window to your heart. I know a lot of super good looking people who have the weakest smiles and it ruins everything about their looks as far as I am concerned. It’s like a guy with a weak handshake in the corporate world. Move on.

Mystery: I love a mysterious woman; where there are things about her to uncover. I used to be a lot more mysterious before I had three kids….a lot more. The mystery (with my husband anyways) is pretty much over. I need to get it back. I met a woman the other night that was so mysterious, soft spoken, flirty to everyone in the room, complex, complicated, messed up. She was quite a piece of work. Sincere but mysterious.

I can be like this sometimes outside of my family. In a good and playful way with no harm intended, I can be this way with men. Problem is I am married so I don’t get to really do that anymore. I miss this part of me.

The mysterious part is the one that really gets to me as it’s really hard to be mysterious when you are so deliberate. When everything is so planned and when you are super strategic and have it all figured out already. Doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Many men I have met have said that the problem with deliberate moms or wives is that they would not be the same people you have fantasies about. I get that. I can handle that. I know it.  It makes perfect sense.

That’s why for me it’s really important to keep this deliberateness where it belongs-for the family and for work. In other areas of my life to create mystery (which other parts are there left??). It’s important to access that side of ourselves, and carve out a space for it. As I have alluded in my New Year’s postings it’s important for me to let loose sometimes. I find it boring to always know the right things to say, or do or be. I like mystery.

Those are the people I admire the most (and I know a few) who have that put together deliberate side but then have that sexy, mysterious and undone side too. This to me is the perfect combination.

They are predictable until they are unpredictable. They will surprise you at any moment.

This is why I struggle with too much tradition in my life….I love it, but I find it can take away from the spontaneous moments to for me. As in “let’s make sure we have sex every Friday night!” or let’s make sure we all laugh together as a family on Saturdays!” I am very tradition and ritual driven….but I also know that I can overdo it which can take away from just living in the moment.

This year my goal is continue to become more deliberate in my traditions while also becoming traditional and ritual adverse to some degree.

A paradox I know. Mysterious.

Confidence: this one is the really sexy one . If you like yourself others will too. Pointe finale. Stop bitching and complaining about your love handles that I have never noticed until the day you pointed them out to me. Or how your hair is grey at the roots or how eating a cupcake will make you obese. Stop pointing out what is wrong with you and focusing on what is right with you.

Of course we can have conversations with each other about what we like or dislike about ourselves or what we want to improve………but start loving yourself girl!

Most of you who complain are gorgeous, beautiful and perfect. Most men probably fantasize about you on a daily basis. Start opening your eyes and you’re possibilities. Are you going to let an extra 10 lbs stop you?

So wear your little bikinis when you come to my lake, get your hair wet and let it frizz and be all natural on the boat, and put your old granny pjs and big slippers on when you sit at my fire…..because that is what sexiness is all about. Stop trying so hard.

And as far as I am concerned nothing could be sexier than intellect. Be Dazzle with your brains and impress with your IQ. If you have an opinion say it, and make it heard. Interrupt that natural order of things and say something people will remember. If you are good at something-let it be known.

Have a voice. Get a blog!

Sparkle all over the place.

So funny this  post I wrote because to be honest with you,  I am much more intrigued by the sexiness of men (another post on sexy boys at a later date), but I am a woman myself and so sexy woman impress me too.

I think it’s important as a woman to be aware of our effect on others and to be aware or what is important outside of becoming just a mom or a wife or a career woman. It am important to preserve that mysterious, flirty edge of ourselves and let it show here and there, so that we remember ourselves that it still exists.

As I move into 2012 I became aware that I am a career woman, I am a deliberate mother, I am a faithful wife…I am all of those things for sure and I will always be those things.

But something in the some of the conversations I have had over this two week holiday has also led me to believe that there are other parts of myself that I have buried. There is more to me. There are parts that have been lost along the way. There are things I was once. That I struggle to even remember now.

My smile is wide, I have layers and layers to be uncovered and I believe in me.

I have to find a way to let that seep back in as I continue to build the foundation of my family, my career and my life.

This is the Way it Should Be

.. here in this picture.

I love this little lady and this adoring man.

I love that this man puts spa music on and rubs his daughter's feet with mango cream.

I love that this little lady looks at this man with adoration, and wonder and pure love in her heart for him.

I love that she falls asleep on him all cozy as if she was meant to be there all her life.

I love the way he makes her feel secure and safe.

I love the way she is Daddy's girl...in the way it was always meant to be.

I love the way they love eachother

I love that this Man and I dreamed up and created this little lady together and that she will always think of her Dad as a hero

I love that at the cottage-sleeping in eachother's arms- is at the top of the list of highest priorities.

Mint and Strawberry

Which is me?

Which one comes first?

It's the Mint for sure - that's why it came first in the title.

But ahhhh... that Strawberry is so part of me too..I want more. Give it to me!! It has such a way of getting to me.

It all started in the shower on New Year's Eve while I was preparing for the party we were going to.

I tend to be supersticous -rarely but when it hits me it's a big deal.

Suddenly I was faced with the thought that occurs to me most years on Dec 31st " The way you bring in the New Year will define that year"

So it became highly important which body wash I opted for. Suddenly soap took on a whole new meaning.

Mint-for poignant, sharp, focused and deliberate coolness and calmness and intellect and good and sound decisions. Mint for laser focus and that tingling feeling of success.

But Strawberry was calling to me equally to choose her. Soft, spontaneous, joyous, peaceful, soothing, sweet, connected, mirroring and nurturing.

Which should I choose for 2012?

So I choose both. First the Mint as it's clearly needs to be my foundation. It's what holds up the fort.
Then the Strawberry, luxuriously and generously lathered to soften out the spirit and highlight the feminine curves.

I put on the Mint and the added a second layer of Strawberry. It made the mint better. It made the mint sweeter.

I left that evening for our party back in the city in a divine state. I am not sure anyone noticed but I certainly did.

I drank pomegranate champagne and lots of it, I danced and lots of it, I hugged and lots of it, I ate what I wished to eat at the buffet and lots of it.

Although Mint is who I am-I also choose Strawberry. I let her into my life and on my skin.

All night I allowed myself to Indulge. In the amazing people I was with, in the music, in the drinks, of the softness all around me.

I even let a lesbian woman sit on my lap! And another's husband swat my butt as he walked by! I laughed and I danced! The six of us (three couples) gave group hugs all night!

My kids ran out with the 25 others in the snow with bare feet at 2am! They all took shaving cream and sprayed it on us, and the house at midnight!

I drank Coke that was not Diet!! I did not judge the lap dancing wife who was all over everyone's husbands!! (not mine though as she was way too scared to mess with me even if I did have on a thick strawberry layer).

I gave myself a gift...and it was to be free.

To mix some Strawberry Daiquiri into the mix of my usual Virgin Mohito. To mix it up and to indulge in the perfect blend.

My body wash continued the next day..sleeping in until 11:30am, being hung over, going skiing on the sweetest smallest hill when all I usually crave is a challenge. Eating fajitas and pasta in front of the TV with the kids.

I have come back to Mint since, but the Strawberry still lingers. It's still within my reach and I intend to embrace it and take care of it and nurture it more often.

Is it possible that maybe, just maybe I am starting to let go of "being in charge"? Is it possible that maybe I am transforming without even trying to anymore?

That next morning my usual new years resolution adverse Hubby leaned over in bed and said "I decided what my resolution is: it is to tell you every morning I love you and every night how beautiful you are"

So even though the next night-he did just that and it felt fake and dumb and weird since he had just gotten in a big fight with me 5 mins before bed and called me a bitch...I still liked it.

I secretly knew that my body wash decision had bedazzled him to some degree and Be Dazzling is what makes us both who we are together. Keeping that mystery and love alive. Being together minty and berry like as the clock strikes midnight at the end of the year.

I still hold that the way we bring in New years defines us.

I was thankful this year of my awareness of the definition I choose for myself.

I liked who I was today very much. God Grant me the courage to keep it up!

Reaching the Pedals of his own Car (almost)

In the last few weeks my eldest boy became a "real" teenager.

I say “real” because the day after his birthday party he stared to display the real thing.

Skyping with a girl long after we had gone to bed at 11pm.

 Sleeping in the next day until 11:30am when the rest of us had to go to school and work but he had the day off as school finished a day earlier for holidays.

Freaking out that I would even think of posting a picture of him on my blog without his full choice and approval. How embarassing and gay that is.

Three new behaviors it seemed overnight. This must be the real thing!

 Happy 14th Birthday Chase!!!! We joked that in 2 yrs he will acually be able to drive a car-that is so frightening! To all of us and our neighbors too:)

Chases laughed at  himself saying that it might only be possible if he grows quite a bit or the pedals might be too far away. Or we might have to build some special contraption to suit him and his car. I am so thrilled by the confidence of this kid. I love that he loves who is is-exactly at this moment. He even suggested I call my blog post by this name (makes me feel at least I did something right as a mother so far)


Since Chase’s bday is on December 31st…we normally celebrate after the holidays in January as it get’s lost in the shuffle otherwise and would never want to do that to such a special day.

 This year we took him by surprise though. It started when his two buddies at school (who I had planned this out with) showed up at his locker when school ended on Thursday at lunch and told him to look for an envelope in the bottom of his school bag. This is what he found:

It gave him and his two friend’s money and directions to go to Thai express for his favorite soup bowl and Pad Thai.
Then it asked them to go home where Hubby would pick them up for a skydiving lesson at SkyVenture. He has been asking to do this for a while but I kept saying it was way to expensive (which it was).
Afterwards back home for a homemade Chinese dinner with chicken friend rice and eggrolls and really yummy chocolate cake with icing all made by our angel housekeeper Geri.

It was so sweet I was working late and so was Hubby so Beauty got the table all set and the candles on the cake and everything all by herself without even being asked. I though this was so sweet……. kids of working parents tend to end up being pretty self sufficient sometimes!


It was interesting a year before this at 13yrs old if Chase had received that note in his backpack he would have been widely excited and appreciative. This year it was toned down..as in toned down alot..
as in he did not call or text me at all and I had to an hour after they left school had to text him to see if he had gotten surprise at all!

At first this upset me and  thoughts of “why is he ungrateful, why is he not saying thanks in an excited way. And why is he not calling me ,his Mommy ,with all his excitement?”


Then I sat down to lunch with other. women from work with teenagers and they all told me the same thing. This is what happens at 14-18yrs olds-especially boys. They do appreciate everything, but don’t necessarily express it in the way they always used to.
They change for a while and then come back. Especially boys. Usually if they don't do this there is something wrong...they are skipping a normal phase of development or feel they need to please their parents and win their approval. Guess I can live with this rationale.

 So I shut up and kept my thoughts to myself. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and out it out of my mind all day and evening.

By later that night he came and gave me one of his amazing hugs and thanked me. And even later that night (after his girl skyping session) when I was tucked away at midnight in my bed , he climbed in beside me and lay with me and cuddled with me and even asked to sleep there. I would have let him but wanted him not to hear alarm at 6am so I shooed him out…but it felt so good to have my snuggly boy there.

 He said his thanks..in his own way..in his own time.

Here he is with his candy poster with 14 things on it to eat and fourteen things we love about him. He is opening his birthday basket in bed of course at Trent.

This is the night of Dec 31st B-day at our friends house for New Years Eve. She is so sweet she always does a little something on New Years when we are together to underline his birthday. We have such good friends with such good kids. They have all grown up together like cousins. What a blessing. We celebrate all important occasions together and I feel so blessed to have this group in my life. Chase always has an amazing birthday party as we are a pretty wild group at New Years's. I love that the Sweethearts and the Holidays always make a big fuss over Chase's bday and don't just throw it in there with New Year's. I think this means alot to him.

 And January 9th when we are back to work at school Chase will have his family birthday dinner with Nana-Didi and us. He will choose the menu of course and we will enjoy a family dinner at home. He will get to do no chores and sit back and relax while we all take care of him and dote on him as we should on his bday. Usually for him he requests to lay there-pull his shirt off and have we all massage his back.

 14yrs old you are my boy-I almost can’t believe it. It’s been a big year for us baby  (even if you don’t really know it) I have let you go in so many ways- as I needed to. I have learned to love you every bit as much, and every bit as fiercely, but have freed up part of you for the outside world to access. I have set you free in the most beautiful way I knew how to. I gave up that "racket" I told you about. This for me was my secret gift for you...and my extremely difficult but rewarding gift for me.

Happy Birthday Sweetie.
I love you fiercely and forever.