I don’t talk or write much about work. Mainly because of
the public forum but also I have always been private about my work. It is a huge
part of my life-but somehow it is important to me not to make it the be all of
my life-as many hours as I spend there. It is part of my life and defines me in
many ways-but is not all of my life.
I have always had a great career-straight out of
university even had many great opportunities and promotions and landed in excellent
companies with super interesting roles. But I have always put the brakes on.
Always limited my potential to a certain degree…as I know if I took the brakes
off-my career would become everything.
What I always knew is that I would never let a big career
prevent me from being the Mom I want to be and the wife and the friend and the
daughter that I strive to be. At the level I am at now with my last promotion in
Dec 2013 I feel I am my full capacity of what allows me to be really good (most
of the time anyways) in the areas of both work and family. With this new role even
that is questionable sometimes-I feel like I am not the same Mom I was a couple
of years ago-but that is ok too as my kids need me less (or more!). But I know I am at my limit for the time
being-I feel it.
But in my heart I would like to be the true leader..right
at the top of something really really big. I could see myself doing something really
really important but I also ways told myself “Never before Beauty has finished high
school-ever” Well now that is a mere 5 yrs away!!!!! That is nothing! Is there
a whole other career to uncover in 5 years or did I make that up?
I always
pictured myself having a high level management job in a major global company for
many many years (as I have now) and then later on..when kids are grown..Something
bigger. What that bigger is I don’t even know….I have some ideas but they are vague
and not clear enough to be considered any type of real plan.
I feel I have the experience, the savvy, the confidence,
the smarts and the connections to really do something great after yrs of striving
towards this goal. I just have to figure out what it is exactly!
I had always said after Beauty finishes high school-well
that is a mere 5 yrs. away now. Circumstances have come into play too…our medical
bill are very high..very high. Mouth braces, scoliosis braces, chiros, physios,
Special blood tests and X-rays, ADD drugs and the list goes on and on. Even if
I wanted to both of us being entrepreneurs- now is not even a remote possibility.
I need the medical benefits that big companies provide that are certain and the
medical clinic with certain appts etc.
If my employer even tried to let me go in the next 5 years I would seriously get
down on my knees and beg to stay!!!! Seriously that is not a joke.
Anyways especially this weekend I have actually had time
to think and I know there is a big piece of my life –in the career arena that
has been undiscovered, Years and year of pulling myself back from the limelight
and too much visibility- my mind and body innately wanted to be pulled in..have
made me sometimes forget what that natural direction even is. I have focused on
high performance for sure and delivered all the way-but have held back my full
potential. Saving it for a time that is right and that makes sense for me and
my family.
I am looking forward to being discovered,, whether that be
in 5 or 10 years.I started my family and my career young-and the advantage of
that is that there is still a whole world out there for me when my kids are out
there in their own worlds.
Just writing about this is a first. A first baby step. Even just thinking about it is too.
