(well in this case it is Be
Tarina, actually)
From the books Gretchen Ruben wrote and which I have read
(Happiness Project and Happiness at Home) this is what a retained the most.
Similar to in the Magic Art of Tidying –the phrase: Does this object give me Joy?
What can I say I am a simple girl. All I need to adore a
book is one life changing nugget of
truth.
I have been thinking a lot of Be Tarina as I surprise even myself lately. Sometimes I
expect things of myself that I just know are not woven into my natural fabric.
I often go against who I truly am at the core-or I am too hard on myself for
traits that I likely can’t (and should not) change. There’s one thing about
trying to develop in areas where you feel can really make a difference or that
you know are toxic, but there are some things about ourselves that are just who
we are and we need to accept.
I loved Ruben’s chapter on Be Gretchen.
A few things about myself that are really in that category
of Be Tarina. More and more I know I can’t resist them and I can’t get down on
myself for them either. They are not going away anytime soon.
1-People think of me as so extroverted. I am really not. I
don’t pull my energy from other people. Don’t get me wrong I love (some) social
events, I love 1-1 or small groups of friends, I liked very much working in a
big company, I love (often) being with my family. But hardly any of this
compares to alone time with a great book and in my own head. I am really,
really in my own head and good at it too. I am not the life of the party (with no alcohol or coffee kinda hard to me too and I juts don't like either of these substances much probably bc they make me too fun??)\
That is probably what my marriage works so well. My husband
is not extroverted at all and much better at 1-1 than a group. He is funny and
interesting and bright and attentive but not in an over bearing way. He doesn’t
tend to get on my nerves a lot where very extroverted people do a lot even when
I love them dearly. He is the perfect match for me to come home to every day and live with (vs he would not be my first pick for a wild love affair in my
20’s as he is much to calm for that type of wildness needed!) Him and I can sit
in a room and read beside each other for hours, days, weeks and not get on each
other’s nerves much. And we talk and talk and talk and like the same things. This is rare for me. Almost everyone gets on my nerves
somehow and someway (as I am sure I equally get on their too!)
This is my secret to 19 years of successful marriage: Find
someone who annoys you very little.
I have a wild side to me and a very calm side and as I get older that wild side is really diminishing.
Be Tarina
2-People get on my nerves a lot. I am irritable. I am
judgmental. I can be very jealous too.
I truly don’t like this part of myself. At all. Each time it
rears it ugly head I wish I could just push it away. But I can’t. This will
need therapy for sure one day. I think it stems from having to have worked very
very hard for where I am at in my life right now emotionally, physically, mentally,
professionally. Seems like I came out of the womb and had to perpetually fight
my way through life to learn some basic stuff and skills and felt to me like I
had to do so much of it alone. Feels like much of my life was pushing,
controlling and working for whatever reason. Or maybe that is just the way it
occurred to me. The fact remains that I feel that way. And when I see people
who make so many bigger mistakes than I do, are so much less deliberate, and are
so random and spontaneous and not hard working yet in blissful and easy
situations? I get irritated and judgmental. And jealous.
Be Tarina
And Tarina. Look into this one. It is not peaceful to stay
this way.
3-I am not that social.
As much as I would like to think I am-as as good at it all
as I am (as both personally and professionally I a very good at connecting and
socializing) in many ways I actually dread social event or even meetings. And
not out of fear or insecurity or anything like that-it almost like energy is
being zapped from me in these situations and I want to preserve that energy to
be in my head? It is so so odd.
Like right before we have people over I resent it. Or right
before I go into a big meeting, I do dread going. It is so weird as I often end
up loving these interactions. And most often the people involved I love. And
the interactions are most often great and successful and wonderful. But it’s a
bit like exercise for me-I never ever feel like doing it but feel great when I
have.
Being in my head gives me much more energy. Reading a book
bring some much more energy.
Be Tarina
4-I am very not good:
At cooking (well I am actually.. but I hate doing it it
seems)
At Quebec politics (no interest, but truly naïve of me)
At animals (we shall for sure as we have a dog for the weekend
here for a bit of a test. )
At kids/teens (ya ya I know I am supposed to be a family
expert and everything but naturally I don’t think I am good at it)
I am so not good at so many things. The things I am good at
I am really really good at-but most of life normal stuff I am sadly not good
at.
5-My feelings get hurt easily. I expect to get the love I
give and sometimes I don’t get it and then my feelings get hurt. I expect a lot
from people. Probably too much I guess?
Enough said
Be Tarina. (This won’t ever budge)
6- I cannot deal with people and situations where
communication is shut down. I am articulate and emotionally intelligent and
cannot tolerate when others around me can’t do the same personally or professionally.
Big turn off for me and really makes me lose respect quickly
Be Tarina
(This one seems to have been passed down to my eldest son.
He has grown up in a family environment where being truthful and honest and articulate
about feelings is both expected and praised and encouraged the world outside is
not necessarily the same and is full of repressed people when it comes to
feeling things and expressing things. I see it in his relationship with his
(now ex) girlfriend)…..he cannot believe that someone he cares for would chose
the easy way vs true honestly and confrontation. We share this gene for sure.
Be Tarina
So I am sure the list can go on and on but the point is that
these are traits about me that I need to embrace (if that is possible) rather
than resist and reject. That’s just the way it needs to go.
So that’s it. I liked writing this post. I encourage you to
be who you are too. And be aware of who you are. We can all stretch ourselves,
but we all have limits too and boundaries. We are all different and that’s what,
makes the world turn round.
Be Tarina
