Teeth

(Nope.. this one is not about kid's brushing their teeth or how to get them to do so)

It’s about showing more teeth-more often. And not just for kids. For ourselves.

What comes totally free, naturally, spontaneously and freely? A friendly Smile :)

I can be incredibly selfish with my smiles sometimes. I kind of get into this weird habit of keeping them to myself. Giving them out only at certain times of the day. Saving them for special occasions.

I like my smile-may be my best feature. Weird that I  most often tend to show more cleavage  than more teeth eh??

So as of the beginning of this week I decided to smile at strangers, in particular, often. It really has a good effect! It’s awesome so far. I walk many mornings on the lake and pass many strangers. My usual thing is the “courteous head nod” while listening to my I-Pod. On Wednesday I tried no I-Pod and direct eye combined with an ear to ear smile. The receivers in most cases were  a bit taken aback and gave me  a courteous head nod in return ,but I felt really, really good anyways.

 I don’t think my face has exercised to that extent in a long while since my personal trainer is not put that one on my program. In my case if it’s not on a list it seems not to get done :)

Next person was today. I was in my car at a red light and looked over into the next car. A (big) old lady in hers trying to get something out of her eye in her mirror. Once her eye was free of debris, she looked over and caught my eye. Another big, cutesy smile came radiating from my heart . And she returned it. Really... it  truly started my day our perfectly./i have been feeling good ever since that smile.

Next in line for my spontaneous smiles..my family. Poor things will probably wonder if I am doing some serious drugs.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

Back to the Basics

Sometimes I sit back and think to myself..”What was life like before I had kids? Many things come to mind. I was calmer and less stressed. I was more spontanoeus.We had more time as a couple. I did not have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was more carefree. Overall though compared to now....my life was also boring.

Then I ask myself “How has life changed for me since having kids” ? More anxiety. Less time. More financial pressure. Need to be more organized. Much more chaotic. Definately more fulfilling.

When I am coaching on parenting I often start with these questions before I ask the BIG one.

“What is your Purpose as a Parent-What do you Want to Instill in your children?”

It differs for everyone. Common answers are respect, academic success, self confidence, order, kindness, autonomy. Each family is different.

The next piece of advice....

Don’t lose sight of what you want to instill in your kid...

Always revisit what is important to you and don’t let go of it...

Realign if you need to but don’t give up...

We all do it. I  personally do it all the time.

We care more about the clean room than the shattered confidence of our child when we tell them they did not do a good job cleaning it. We care more about wanting to relax on a Friday night and not worry about our child out alone at the movies with a friend-so we don’t let them go and they lose the chance to be autonomous. We nag them to not forget their lunch before school instead of letting them forget it and taking the natural consequence of being hungry. We academically teach them a lesson of a value that is important to us such as kindness and respect but then we don’t take the time to call our own sister on her birthday.

Life gets in the way for sure- of what is important to us. But it’s not an excuse. If we screw up 4/10 times maybe that is ok-if we screw up 8/10 we might want to reevaluate our methods. Are we really achieving what be set out to do as parents?

Being a parent is really hard work-really, really hard work. Many parents say” I don’t really have particular things I want to teach my child or guide them on. I will just love them and be there for them”.  That is very important too of course-but what about the bigger picture? What are you (and your child) missing out on to not have them guided by your incredible wisdom, experience and love for them?

Fundamentally the best of parents succeed by preparing their children to be happy and well adjusted adults. Really our role as parent.....is to prepare for letting go one day. Right?

So if you find yourself with a moment in front of you in the next few days ask yourself that question and see what is there for you. “Have you lost sight of what you want to instill in your kids?”  Do you nag more than you hug? Do you criticize more than you compliment? Do you protect them more  than taking those steps towards letting go? Do their dirty clothes on their floor bother you more than you child not communicating with you as often lately? Does making sure they get that A+ on their French exam take away from the time you spend together in the evenings relaxing as a family?

I know that these questions haunt me almost on a daily basis. I am in a constant state of reflection, revaluation and assessing if what I do is in line with my values. I know lately I have been off base-it’s time for me to get back on track.

It’s time to get Back to the Basics.

The Amazing Touch of Feather and Rocks

Baggies on Toes. Puppets on Hands. Surprises beneath pillows. Indian Feathers. Precious gems with special notes. Mantras and meditations. Museums and funky music. Sleepovers and pool tables. Calculations and Dictees. Box of special toys and art at the art table. Beautiful and thoughtful gifts wrapped in a rainbow of colors. Yoga camps and Love. New ideas and cars parked high up on our hill in the snow. Laughter and hugs. Dancing, playing and gentle teasing. Smooth rocks for stress and intricate rocks for separation. Dancing feathers and Inuit folklores.

The Music of our Lives.

The 6^th person in our Family of Five.

What we go to bed being grateful for every night.

What do all of these things have in common? They are one beautiful package tied up in the form of our Nana Didi, my Heartbeat, My Mom, a phenomenal Grandmother.

In this blog one of my core reasons to write it is to be grateful.  Often on my Weekly Gratitude section I will spotlight someone very important in my life and I could not begin this tradition without putting the most important person at the very beginning. I believe much, much more in giving people recognition and showing gratitude when they are living that after it is too late. I believe very much in the importance of eulogies-but I believe even more so in life itself.

The essence of her is hard to describe-but you know you have come in contact with her when you feel like your life has been lit up. She is a free spirit full of energy, smartness, uniqueness and she is just completely and utterly cool. That is the inside of her-but the outside is just as phenomenal. She looks (no joke her at all) in her forties and her skin is soft as a baby’s bum. She is always fashionable and always put together. Her brown lipstick and black pants with cozy tops is her signature. Her hair is always perfect and she is beaming and glowing straight from the inside. She has a gorgeous smile.

Anyone who comes in contact with her is impressed by her grace and her ability to connect. She is regal, she is classy, she is a bit off the top and she will light you up like a flashlight.

She is solitary and stands alone. She is also surrounded by friends and brings out the best in people. She will listen to you, challenge you and comfort you. She will share herself with all of us.

If I had to describe her in two words it would be peaceful and joyful. She is a beautiful and lovely and graceful bird.

As I write this I cannot believe how lucky I have been to be her girl. She has been all mine my entire life. Always there to answer me and comfort me.  Never more than a phone call, an email, a talk or a hug away. I am surrounded by her love on a minute by minute basis. Even if I had no one else in the world-I would be fine because she would be there for me.

My kids are every bit as lucky as I have been. She is as much part of her life, as me and their Dad. When she is there it’s as if we are there (although probably much, much more fun!). We have created an extended family,  a little village to raise these three cubs and we all do it together. The definition of a win-win situation. I need help and she needs work. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me really. My Mom is the glue that holds our home, our family and our organized yet chaotic life together. She is the crazy glue that makes us all stick. She is the core of the apple and the caramel surrounding it all making it perfectly yummy.

And the best part about our Didi? She is in constant evolution..constant improvement. She is a receiver of feedback if there ever was one (and gosh have I given her some good doses over the years!). She is the definition of growth and high potential. She never gives up and she just keeps on growing, and learning, and realizing and changing.

All that to say-you get the jist..I am completely madly deeply and truly in love with my Mom. She and I have an  amazing and extremely wonderful relationship that has grown and changed and evolved over the years to what is...exactly what I need in my life now and forever.

 I have questioned her and expressed to her sadness, disappointment and even anger of some of the ways my childhood or adolescence went that I wish had gone differently. I have expressed recognition, love and appreciation for my childhood and adolescence for many of the other parts that I would not trade an inch for. I have learnt from her mistakes-and she has provided a safe embrace for me as I make my own mistakes as Mother.

As a team –we are very powerful. We compliment eachother’s stengths and weaknesses very well. The united front my kids receive is very, very balanced.

As I end this post....I want you to know Mom that in this “second “part of my life with my big birthday coming up...one of my goals is to learn from your peacfulness and joy and become more like you in this way. I admire it. I respect it. I covet it. I want it. Teach me how?

I know that you are there for me Mom. I can count on you to save me from fires, protect me from robberies and run with me quickly ,swiftly and together whenever we are in danger. I am grateful to be yours.

Love you forever and a Day.

Your Baby Cheena

Creating a New Context

I am very lucky to learn a lot of really cool stuff throughout my career, from my many Teachers of Transformation.

One of the most powerful things I have learnt to date has been the concept of creating a new context for a given situation.

It reminds me also in a lot of ways of a blog on a BFF’s blog “Raising Flowers and Skids” called “Starting Over”.

Creating a New Context goes something like this:

You have a set idea in your mind and a certain way of being

This way of being is not working for you

You start over and attach to the idea or thing a new context

You live into this new context

It sounds all very simple but in reality it is quite complex. It sounds really complex but really it’s all very simple. It’s a bit of both I guess.

Here’s an example:

We moved last March to our new cottage and struggled very, very much with this move as we left behind a cottage that has been in hubby’s family for generations and a whole bunch of beautiful memories and family relationships. We struggled immensely with this transition.. It felt like it tore our hearts in pieces.

We had to let go of what the expectations of the old cottage were to us and create new expectations to live into.

We couldn’t allow our old cottage to rule our new cottage.

We needed to align as a couple and a family to create what the new cottage would be to us. All together.

And so we did…little by little.

At first this was terribly hard (and boring too to sit in your brand new cottage and pull out a pen and paper and write).

But it needed to be done…. desperately.

Three months now since we did this and we are definitely headed in the right direction.

We are living out the context that we created.

Here it is below:

1-Weather doesn’t matter at this cottage (recognize this from my blog title??). This one was a BIG one for us. At the old cottage we let rain and sun dictate our days. We found excuses to complain...At this cottage- No Way! We have already had plenty of days where it has poured rain and we have had a blast. It’s a while new mindset for us and a whole new way to look at things. It has changed our life in big ways.

2-It’s a place of intimacy and connectedness. We bring our Best Selves to Trent. We save up all the good stuff for there.. It’s a place full of hugs, cuddles and skinny-dipping ( this part only among the adults of course)J

3-Active Connection with our children. We decided there that we would connect with our kids through activity and learning. We golf with them, we bike with them, we water-ski with them, we wakeboard with them. We cook with them, we play miniput with them, we toboggan with them. We ski with them. We fish with them .We are active (when we are not just lying around the other 75% of the time trying to escape from them!)

It is also a place of teaching. My hubby will show them everything that he learnt from his  own late Dad. Our deal is that all of them will learn to put up a gazebo, take down a dock, learn electricity, learn plumbing, learn to vacuum, learn to cook a pot-roast, learn to clean toilets, learn to mow the law, put a bail bed away, turn a dehumidifier on,  clean a paddleboat, store kayaks for the winter.

It’s a place of doing. And man alive we need the help so kind of a win situation!

So we are  living into this context of the new cottage and it is all going very well.  It is perfect and always peachy? It certainly is not.  Do we always get our new context right? We do not. Do we try our best? We do. Are we deliberate in what we wish for? Absolutely. We are much further ahead now than we were three months ago and this new context reminds us of what this cottage means to us at its very core. It means everything to us really. It’s our heaven on earth. Put there to keep us sane.

So I will keep you posted on this , as creating context is a work in progress and the writing of this post reminds me of the importance of doing this in other areas of my life. 

Creating a New Context?  Man..this  is a Powerful one. It’s a keeper for sure.

To Juice or not to Juice?

My kids think I have gone crazy. As part of my “Health Kick” that has begun in our house this September I have banned juice from our house.

Maybe they are right-maybe I have officially lost it?

These are my reasons. It’s all very simple. Whatever I have in my house-my kids reach for it. If I have cookies they choose them over crackers. If I have eggos-they choose that over toast. If I have chocolate syrup for milk they choose that over plain milk. If I have sweet granola bars they choose them over healthy granola bars. If I have juice they choose that over milk.

So I have decided that I cannot have both.

Something has to go.

It’s going to be the less healthy choices. Banned. Pointe Finale. My Soul keeper (aka Flaxseed girl) should be very, very proud of me.

I have tried everything to make my kids want to make autonomous nutritious choices-but most the time it doesn’t work unless I am there nagging them. They eat very healthy much of the time-but also eat a pile of crap alot of the time.

They rarely get sick (touch wood!) so I must be doing something right.

So here’s the news system (September is full of systems for our household)

·        All food in house is very healthy (as in nuts, cheese, yogurt, protein, whole grain breads etc..)

·        That’s all they have to choose from

·        Any result kind of snacks like white crackers, juices, and granola bars etc.. are put on  a super high shelf none of us can reach and brought down for “special” occasions or weekends

·        On weekends I buy treats and they are allowed them all

·        After the weekend is over the treats go back on the high shelf until the next weekend

·        At Trent –our cottage-we completely let loose. All sorts of treat, yummys and white bagels and everything! Win- win situation since I want them to keep coming there-this is a good motivator :)

So far my system:

Has caused alot of backlash from my kids (and my Mom). My Mom is quite shocked I limit juice so I allow some juice boxes now for lunches-gosh. The pressure!

Has definitely made my kids eat healthier. Chase the other day had 4 yogurts! Bear asked my Mom to go out and buy him a full ham and Bonne Bell cheese since he had a craving. Beauty loves whole wheat bagels and says the white ones now taste like cardboard! Yay!

So it’s a Health Kick and one of my new September Systems. Will it stick? Will it be kicked? Will I be murdered by the kids (and my Mom) before it’s been long enough to tell? I will let you know.

PS-For any husbands reading this don’t feel so sorry for my Protector ok? He has a huge stash of cookies, chocolate bars, white crackers, chocolate almonds, tons of caffeine and lots of liquor in his own secret high up hiding place. He is just perfectly fine.

The Sad Separation of Work and Life

I have always hated the expression Work Life Balance. It really gets on my nerves actually. You might assume that I have distaste for it because it implies that work and life actually have the potential to be balanced but in reality they never can be? That is not why at all actually, more than anyone you are likely to come across, I am a firm believer that you can find balance in your life (if this is what you aspire to do of course).

What I hate about it is the separation of work from someone’s actual life. To me these terms should be married and not divorced.

I have been teaching and coaching on this subject for years now and I will tell you that from my experience the happiest people on earth who achieve both inner and outer success have fluid feelings and movement from work to home and home to work. Most of them do not even know exactly what they earn or when exactly that paycheck is deposited every month (their partner might keep track but not them).

These happy people love what they do as work and are defined by it. Their work is their life. Harder to achieve is their life fitting into their work (that’s why thy usually come see me). In the end though...it all comes together and their day is filled to the brim with just a series of Life Itself.

Are they always happy? Are things always smooth? Is it always balanced?

No. No and No.

Do they sit around from 9am-5pm  (or from 7am-9pm !) wishing they were home and counting the minutes until their meetings are over? Do they sit at the dinner table with their families and wish they were on their laptops.

They do not.

What differentiates these “happy- one- life- people” is that they have developed the ability to be fully present in their interactions whether that be at home or at work. They make conscious choices about where their time is spent. Ask anyone of them what their values, priorities and objectives are both personal and professional and they will shoot them off to you quicker than you can turn your head.

They all have laser focus.

These are often surprisingly the same people who are chastised and judged quite often harshly by those around them who don’t fully know or care to understand them

“Look at Savannah...she missed her daughter’s school play today because she was at work-disgusting!

“Don’t you find that Mark is a slacker? Can you imagine taking a parental leave for 6 weeks to take care of your baby when you are on a high career track? Surely he doesn’t care at all about being promoted.”

“How can Lana not workout at the gym class offered at work everyday? She is so overweight and spends her lunches surfing the net looking for her next exotic trip to take. What a waste of time when you have extra pounds to lose!”

What’s interesting about the fictional quotes above it that they are all very realistic. Trust me. What the listener however fails to see are that conscious choices have been made by these people above and often these are the people who are getting it all right and not all wrong. We make assumptions very quickly about others. Very often false assumptions

In my life as a Mom of three and a very busy career. I make choices all the time. Every day-every single second it seems. Almost always however I can justify these choices if asked and provide the context. They were deliberate choices and have the “supporting documentation” .

I have chosen “life” very often. I have excused myself from big board meetings to watch my son be the silent tree in the play at school . I have sat on a beach and and built castles in the sand with my kids while the company I work for went trough a massive restructuration. I have gotten a massage when I should have been preparing for my presentation the next day. Cancelled an important business trip to Portugal because my Grandpa was very sick.

I have also chose “work” equally as often. I missed the last PTA meeting. I have had offsite dinners on my son’s birthday. Three times I have been travelling abroad during school pictures (the result is “Daddy Hair” for Beauty as I have named it-quite an interesting sight!). I have cared for my team at work  and consoled them during their stresses and anxieties when I have had an equally anxious child at home who failed a math semester.

My husband and I doubt we will ever really retire. It’s just not what we do. We would likely feel like we would be retiring from our life if we were to stop working entirely one day. We wouldn’t recognize ourselves if we gave up this important parts of ourselves. Likely for us life as we get older will equal more of what we enjoy doing the most, and less of what we enjoying doing the least. Both of us agree though that without the work..vacation would just not be vacation. And god knows ... we need that to look forward to.

So all of you out there stop trying to balance work and life and lean toward integrating the two. Learn to see that you only really have one chance. You only really have ONE life. Use it well.. Nurture it. Care for it. Love it as much as you possibly can. Be accountable for the decisions you make in it and for it. Protect your choices until the bitter end. Listen to  the sweet sound of your own deliberate voice and make sound and mature choices. Live it fully that life-it belongs to YOU!

Gratitude-Week of Sept 12th 2011

Gratitude in General:

My Brother Boy, (Aero Mint)  emails: “Dinner at Milos’s with my sister! That is amazing..!” His emails always make me feel so good.

My nicknames from both my brother boys.  Pinkle and Trink. Love those names. Treasure them. Have contributed so much to who I have become today :)

Me and my heartbeat on the phone truly peeing our pants from laughter often. Our inside jokes, our stories, the lives we share raising “our” 3 cubs.

My Protector and writing “Pookie Bear” on my birthday cake.

My Sister Savvy for our new hobby together.

Thankful for Chase:

Now suddenly  muscular and  strong and abs of steel-but still small  enough in length to lie his body on top of mine and cuddle in big blanket on a boat ride

50 ducks come and do their business on our cottage law. Chase comes out and says “Dad I have an idea-can you pay me 5$ to clean up this crap? “

Thankful for Bear:

“I can’t wait until I am older so I can drink coffee, beer and wine”

“When I am older I am going to buy a pack of Pillsbury cookie dough and make one big cookie all for myself”

Thankful for Beauty

For the best early birthday present ever! Justin Bieber hope you are watching You-tube!

“It was really cute-Bear made me a pancake and gave me a fork and a knife and syrup and said “Here beauty-a little pancake for you”