I have always hated the expression Work Life Balance. It really gets on my nerves actually. You might assume that I have distaste for it because it implies that work and life actually have the potential to be balanced but in reality they never can be? That is not why at all actually, more than anyone you are likely to come across, I am a firm believer that you can find balance in your life (if this is what you aspire to do of course).
What I hate about it is the separation of work from someone’s actual life. To me these terms should be married and not divorced.
I have been teaching and coaching on this subject for years now and I will tell you that from my experience the happiest people on earth who achieve both inner and outer success have fluid feelings and movement from work to home and home to work. Most of them do not even know exactly what they earn or when exactly that paycheck is deposited every month (their partner might keep track but not them).
These happy people love what they do as work and are defined by it. Their work is their life. Harder to achieve is their life fitting into their work (that’s why thy usually come see me). In the end though...it all comes together and their day is filled to the brim with just a series of Life Itself.
Are they always happy? Are things always smooth? Is it always balanced?
No. No and No.
Do they sit around from 9am-5pm (or from 7am-9pm !) wishing they were home and counting the minutes until their meetings are over? Do they sit at the dinner table with their families and wish they were on their laptops.
They do not.
What differentiates these “happy- one- life- people” is that they have developed the ability to be fully present in their interactions whether that be at home or at work. They make conscious choices about where their time is spent. Ask anyone of them what their values, priorities and objectives are both personal and professional and they will shoot them off to you quicker than you can turn your head.
They all have laser focus.
These are often surprisingly the same people who are chastised and judged quite often harshly by those around them who don’t fully know or care to understand them
“Look at Savannah
“Don’t you find that Mark is a slacker? Can you imagine taking a parental leave for 6 weeks to take care of your baby when you are on a high career track? Surely he doesn’t care at all about being promoted.”
“How can Lana not workout at the gym class offered at work everyday? She is so overweight and spends her lunches surfing the net looking for her next exotic trip to take. What a waste of time when you have extra pounds to lose!”
What’s interesting about the fictional quotes above it that they are all very realistic. Trust me. What the listener however fails to see are that conscious choices have been made by these people above and often these are the people who are getting it all right and not all wrong. We make assumptions very quickly about others. Very often false assumptions
In my life as a Mom of three and a very busy career. I make choices all the time. Every day-every single second it seems. Almost always however I can justify these choices if asked and provide the context. They were deliberate choices and have the “supporting documentation” .
I have chosen “life” very often. I have excused myself from big board meetings to watch my son be the silent tree in the play at school . I have sat on a beach and and built castles in the sand with my kids while the company I work for went trough a massive restructuration. I have gotten a massage when I should have been preparing for my presentation the next day. Cancelled an important business trip to Portugal
I have also chose “work” equally as often. I missed the last PTA meeting. I have had offsite dinners on my son’s birthday. Three times I have been travelling abroad during school pictures (the result is “Daddy Hair” for Beauty as I have named it-quite an interesting sight!). I have cared for my team at work and consoled them during their stresses and anxieties when I have had an equally anxious child at home who failed a math semester.
My husband and I doubt we will ever really retire. It’s just not what we do. We would likely feel like we would be retiring from our life if we were to stop working entirely one day. We wouldn’t recognize ourselves if we gave up this important parts of ourselves. Likely for us life as we get older will equal more of what we enjoy doing the most, and less of what we enjoying doing the least. Both of us agree though that without the work..vacation would just not be vacation. And god knows ... we need that to look forward to.
So all of you out there stop trying to balance work and life and lean toward integrating the two. Learn to see that you only really have one chance. You only really have ONE life. Use it well.. Nurture it. Care for it. Love it as much as you possibly can. Be accountable for the decisions you make in it and for it. Protect your choices until the bitter end. Listen to the sweet sound of your own deliberate voice and make sound and mature choices. Live it fully that life-it belongs to YOU!
