No More Plowing Through

It’s a funny thing in life how our radars work.

We either have things “on” our radar or “off” our radar-depending on what we are listening for.

There are so many things happening around us that we choose not to hear.

Other times we are so sensitive and perceptive that we hear everything-and pull apart every single piece of the puzzle and analyze it.

Very often-I have chosen to plow through, my day, my week, my month and my year. Very often I chose to plow through my life actually.

It is very subtle but it happens one "to do list" at a time, one project at a time, one choice at a time. All the sudden all those moments turn into years.

“The days are long but the years are short”.

How many more moments will I choose to miss?

What I find interesting is when I am feeling upset, or sad or frustrated or down-my radar is most attuned to what is going on around me.

It is in these more negative sad moments that gratitude is most abundant for me.

It’s in the moments-where somehow I understand more how to stop and live, and be thankful and grateful.

I listen more to life through these rougher times. I stand and take notice.

I notice sweet and important things and I appreciate them.

A very senior leader at our company yesterday joining our team meeting and openly talking about some of experiences he had as a child and how these have impacted the choices he makes with his own children. The openness, the sharing, and the sweetness I experienced in him that day –this powerful man.

“In life to be happy… is Enough” he said.

My goodness. This is true isn't it?

“We need the right cocktail of people always"  he said right after. I liked that people were compared to drinks. It somehow made sense to me. I thought it was funny. I listened for humor and I found it.

Today after an especially stressful and frustrating day I heard more sounds around me. Sounds that made me happy.

A girl at the bookstore cash teasing her short and skinny boy colleague and asking him “if his tiny body” could bear carrying my heavy book bag.. And even though he was tiny and skinny and reached up about as far her large chest in height….he loved the attention she gave him. He basked in it. His smile was ear to ear. I thought of my own two skinny sons and realized how loved they must be by girls. It made me smile and breathe.

I loved seeing this interaction. It meant so much to me. Usually during my happy and plowing times I would never even have noticed him, his body, her teasing or her ample bosom.

I become grateful in tougher moments. I guess that is why I get to have them. Why we all do.

I asked someone important today “What do you tell yourself when things are tougher and he said "I tell myself it is Perfect... because it is".

I am going to interpret this as: Life perfects for you the journey even if you don’t know it.

Isn’t that the most awesome comforting thing?

So this week I feel gratitude and I feel abundance. I feel hopeful and I feel confident. I feel happy and I feel peaceful.

I feel that the secret to life in many ways is in the listening.

My hearing is in tune.

Patience is learned.

I am learning.

It’s Beauty’s 10th Birthday Around Here….

This is how is started this morning…waking up to her Candy Poster on her door. This is a new tradition that I started this year that I shamelessly stole from my sister Savvy (today she said on her blog "imitation is a form of flattery"..phew) We wrote 10 things that we loved about Beauty and stuck a candy on it for each year represented. She was soo happy-she adores candy. What a nice way to start your day when you are a candy addict!

Then the rest of our birthday traditions which we do every year:

We all pile in her bed  super early and wake her up with kisses and hugs. We give Beauty a birthday basket. She gets one bigger gift and a bunch of smaller gifts in a basket. Her two brothers went shopping for her too and spent more money than they have ever spent in their lives on their little sister.

I gave her a game for her DS that has Selena Gomez on the front but “Oh my God Mom! I hate Selena-she is my enemy. She is going out with my lover boy Justin Beiber-I can’t possibly like play this game!”

Thank goodness I also got her some other stuff and a cute outfit from NYC that my stylist fashionsita friend picked up last weekend.

Then she came downstairs and was surprised by what happens to her every year on her birthday and for which she insists continues to happen when she is absolutely not expecting it:

 We can't wait until she is all grown up and has a fancy and chic business suit out in the corporate world one day. Her Dad swears he will go to the boardroom and smash a pie in her face forever!

Then her Dad cooks her the next letter in her name in the form of a pancake and she eats it with syrup (we started late only three years ago-so no her name is not more than 10 letter long. Although to keep this tradition long term-  we will be doing, first name, middle name and last name)

Then she is off to school for the day where her teacher is making her go to recuperation for math at lunch even though she had a 78% on her test! Meanie eh? Thankfully I put a little treat and special note in her lunch to cheer her up.

In the evening her birthday dinner where Nana-Didi comes and her Aunt and Cousin came this year too. The birthday girl chooses the meal of her choice. Hers was pesto pasta, eggrolls, Greek salad, Shirley Temples to drink, ketchup chips, cranberry filos and tzicki.

An Angel cake for dessert which I made with Bear. This is a new tradition that I personally make their birthdays cakes .  We put food coloring in it to make it purple (Justin Beiber’s favorite color!) and put little M& M’s and sparkles in it. I wanted to hide a big gumball ,but was too scared someone would choke.

Oh ya almost forgot her favorite part about birthdays: No chores or cleaning up. She makes whatever mess she wants and we are her slaves and clean it up.

Her celebration with a few school friends is in a week on a Friday night and they are signed up for an acrobatic course at a circus training institute..

So my baby girl is 10 now. Double digits!! I remember wanting her so much I think I dreamed her to life. I am not sure any desire was as strong in me as to have a daughter. And I am so very happy we did-I cannot even imagine life without our baby girl. Happy Birthday Beauty!!!!!!

Deliberate Christmas Traditions

I am getting better at this stuff-and it makes me feel happier too! Bonus!

So  for this weekend I made space in my agenda months ago, to devote the entire two days to decorating, baking and getting excited about Christmas at the cottage. And this is what we did. Man did we all work hard.

For the first year we are having Christmas at the cottage. A bunch of family up there on December 25 and then my Mom staying on for a few days with us. I am sure we are going to love it up there at Trent. So Christmasy  to have the lake out there to skate on, a hill to toboggan on and a nice fire burning.

So this weekend we really got into the Christmas spirit. I have to say this is rather new for me-and deliberate. We always make a big deal about X-mas and do it well but often a lot later in the month when there is more rushing and more stress and more urgency.

Our attitude is usually like “Ok-we have a ton of stuff to bake and have 4 hours-hurry up everyone. Oh ya and have fun too! Where did our X-mas Cd’s go again-aren’t we supposed to play X-mas music while cooking?? Damn where are they!!”

Always been really good at the X-mas gift and stocking part and having a ton of people here on Christmas and entertaining. It’s the preparation part of it all that has been less jovial in the past. Let’s just say Advent calendars usually get on my nerves a bit. I am starting to appreciate them and the build- up to the big day.

So this weekend we did everything we set out to do:

We cooked 4 different Christmas baking recipes from Robert’s late Mother’s favorites and the kids were actively involved in each one . Cranberry loaf, dream cake, mochas and cranberry rice krispy balls. We made double recipes of everything so that we could give to out cottage neighbors and kid’s favorite teachers as gifts. You should have seen the mess of our kitchen and the amount of work this was! Thank goodness we have a big counter to cook around at Trent. The kids loved it though and was really fun for everyone. It took two entire days to do all this baking and make a nice Lebanese dinner last night. (no, no I did not cook any of it-that was Dad and the kiddies. But I planned it all out, organized it all, bought all the food, packed it all and made a schedule of what needed to be cooked with which child when. During the bake-offs I cleaned out all the closets and got organized for winter and made all the Santa lists).

We also put up and decorated a tree. Traditions is we put it up and the kids decorate it however they want. They are really good at this ..especially Beauty –she is a star. She looks carefully at each ornament and remembers where we got it from or which child made it. We aren’t the kind of family who needs a perfect looking tree-we like a perfect feeling tree. Loads of kids crafts from daycare on it, things they made us. Memories.

We played Christmas music all weekend. We watched a super funny Christmas movie in the evening “Christmas with the Kranks.”

We even made a gingerbread house today . This was my idea and I wanted to do this with the kids (did I mention how undomesticated I am?) I was all excited for this project and then my bossy husband took over. Finally we ended up letting the kids take over the project while I talked to my friend on the phone and this is how it turned out:

What a disaster! But is was sooo much fun watching them make a mess of it.

We took a long family walk in the forest. Actually Bear ran the whole path to try and start getting his strength back now that his 6 week convalescence is coming to an end and he needs to get back into shape.

We cuddled in front of the fire after dinner. That's what our family looks like most nights at the cottage in the winter. A true family portrait. I love winter at the cottage.

Hubby’s overall  comments of the weekend:

“It felt so good to bake my Mom’s recipes. So many good memories.”

(aww so sweet)

“Beauty and Bear are such good bakers-they made most the recipes themselves! Chase basically made 5 mochas, ate three of them, gulped a half liter of milk and sat there talking so much and would not shut up!” (Not a shock!)

It was not all candies’ and lollipops though. Don’t want to leave any false impressions that all we do in this family are the Hallmark moments.  Certainly don’t want to be a Mommy Blog that depresses people.

So amongst all of these close family moments you must understand that one kid lost technology privileges fro two days because he called his sister a “penis”, one kid refused to go on a mother/ son power walk and spend time together so I decided to cry and put him on a time out, and another child imprinted an obscene word on our gingerbread house and showed it while I made a video (and got sent to their room or something-I lost track by this point ). All a regular weekend overall!!!

Deliberateness is good for me and this family around holidays. It‘s a lot of work that’s for sure and a lot of planning but it really makes us all happier. It makes a big difference in our lives.

It was a perfect, crazy weekend. I was sad when it ended.  We all went back to work and school today tired, but our heart full. I particularly felt a heck of a lot more sad than when Halloween left.

This Friday- Questions and Answers

What do you recommend for a child of 6yrs old who cries every morning when she go to kindergarten? It is so heartbreaking and hard to leave them everyday as she seems so unhappy as I leave.

This is definitely a difficult situation and one that every parent passes through at some point in life with a child either at daycare, with a sitter or at school. I think the most important elements are ensuring that you feel completely at ease with the school you are leaving your child at? Do you feel confident and secure that it is a safe and happy environment?

If the answer is yes-then definitely do not give in to the crying or even pay it that much attention as this will make it even harder for your child to separate. You can talk to your child about her feelings and support her as she expresses her feeling about being separated from you-but if you are confident in your choice of schools- tears are just part of some kid’s process and school must be enforced always.

Perhaps ask your child if there is a picture or object she would like to keep with her throughout the day to remind her of home? Or have a Friday night plan she looks forward to for the end of the week-something special you do together or as a family?

Keep in mind-our children worry about what we worry about. If this separation makes you anxious very likely your child also feels anxious about it. If your attitude is crisp and clean and confident every morning and you don’t give the tears too much attention and say “Sweetie I love you and will be back soon and have a super day!”along with a big hug and kiss-your child I can almost guarantee after a few days of this will stop crying and have as much confidence in her capability as you do.

It is hard to see our children upset-but very likely as soon as you leave and she is engaged and playing with the other children, she will  have a smile back on her face . For your reassurance ask the teacher how she is after you leave to make you feel better about the rest of her day.

“You seem to be very focused on your children's high school education and the programs they do or do not get into-why do you put so much emphasis on this and why is it so important for you?

This is a very good question;  I ask myself it all the time. You are right for sure I do put a lot of focus on it and I in turn stress out a lot when it does not go the way that was planned.

I think for me (and very personal to me and not something I would necessarily preach to others..) I  feel that there are certain milestones in a child’s life that are very important that parent see them through and support them through.

I feel very strongly that I have certain very specific responsibilities at certain points of my kids lives (beyond of course my normal daily parenting and nurturing  roles).

For me when they were younger one of those responsibilities I felt very strongly about was doing everything in my power (which of course can be limited by many circumstances) to make them feel secure and stable. Making their life predictable in the way of routine, people , traditions and family time. Even going out on date nights with my Hubby I felt provided them with a sense of security where they could look as say “My parents love each other-they make time for each other” I wanted my kids to feel safe and secure and that "I had their backs" in whatever came our way. I wanted them to know they could count on me.

 

As they got to be a little older I always promised myself that I would teach them social skills very well and charisma. I find people in life who have presence often are regarded well on many levels and have more opportunities in life in general. I felt it was my responsibility to put a lot of emphasis on sociability, relationships, love, connection and authenticity in relationships. On family, friendships and deep connections but also on casual interactions with stangers on an everyday basis.I wanted my kids to learn the power of connecting with others and the happiness it could bring to their lives.

These are a few examples (amongst many others) of when they were younger of things that were really important to me.

It may sound crazy to some but high school for me (including the programs that they get into such as sports, music, international etc..) are the first milestone of setting my kids free. I feel in a way it is one of my last important decisions that I truly have control over when it comes to my tweens in some ways. It is the beginning of letting go (so, so sad as I write this:(.

Before I let them out into the world I feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to ensure that their “training ground for life” is an excellent one. High school and all of those delicate, awkward and sometimes tough years…can be experienced as really tough or really amazing and it’s very important to me to ensure the latter.

I feel that this decison can be life changing and can really influence the child's adult life as they don't have you anymore at that place as the front and center-they have the infleunce of the peer group. At least if the school itself and the values of the school are stellar-it's  a good start.

I feel in a way that it’s my gift for them. Until they really start deciding what they they truly need in their lives as gifts fully on their own. It’s my way of setting them up for success in the way I perceive it academically, socially, spiritually,  financially and otherwise.

Hope that answers your questions? Please importantly  note I am on a journey in the same way as many of you are when it comes to parenting. I may have some of the answers but I definitely don’t have them all-that is certain!

An amazing weekend to all!

Ritualizatiion

This is something that I think is they key to unlocking many doors in life.

I spend many hours teaching it to Leaders at the Company I work for and many hours coaching people  on it  in terms of taking control of their lives and achieving their goals.

If you want to achieve something-you must ensure you have created rituals around that goal.

You can't succeed by simply saying:

I want to exercise more

I want to be a better partner

I wish I were a better friend

I want to spend more time with my kids

I need to balance work and life better

I wish I were a better leader

I wish I had a girlfriend

You need to tie actions to these objectives (of course right!) Besides actions you also need to create rituals. In my experience it’s really the only way.

I will give you and example from my own life of a ritualization that I have tied to my own  recent Happiness Project.

I don’t get to write on my blog at night, or read my favorite other blogs unless….I have exercised that day (or unless I have an extremely valid excuse such as illness, an important meeting at work early in the morning that has to take place at that time, or something very much out of my control). Or I am on vacation.

And I stick to this. I create a ritual.

I want to write-I must power walk. I want to read-I must lift weights.

So yesterday morning I did not exercise as I had intended to (I have a schedule that is posted on every mirror of my house so I should know my intentions). I had a fairly good excuse-another big drama to deal with at one of the kid’s school. However I did not think that this justified missing exercise. I could have fit it in at the end of the day, but I chose not too. I was too lazy.

Too bad. No blog writing. And I missed it a lot. It was a heartbreaker for me. Yet effective method as  it hurt-good.

This morning plan was to power walk and lift weights. Woke up to pouring rain outside and my husband near begging me to stay in bed with him, cuddle and talk about how much we miss our vacation together. Tempting. but..I did not give in…I got my ass out of bed and exercised and did weights and put in an hour of work before I got to work. I felt very good about my decision and glad I had my ritual to motivate me.

So guess what readers I get to write tonight! And read all my favorite blogs!

So my advice is you can’t achieve objectives without a plan. And you can’t have a comprehensive plan without ritualization.

I have often been heard saying “Opportunities won’t come knocking at your door. If you want something-go get it. Make it happen.” The only person looking out for you in this world..is YOU"

Did I mention that my exercise/ blog ritual has begun only 2 days ago? I might say that it is to say the least in it's infancy stages still. No bragging rights yet; I will keep you posted on it's success or failure.

You keep me accountable ok?

Proofs of Love

As I woke up this morning something important occurred to me:

I want my goal over the next while in my family to be showing proofs of love.

It is part of my Happiness Plan and just being deliberate in this area this weekend made a big difference in our family almost instantaneously.

The funny part of it is-is that mainly I am doing it for them-but it really, really makes a difference in my happiness.

It makes the day so much better.

Taking the time to tell Hubby before I ran out door this morning how much I miss being on vacation with him.

Saving my Power Walk for Bear for end of day when we can do that together.Asking him during walk if he thought my rules about not having a girlfriend before Grade 10 are fair.

Teasing Chase-instead of yelling at him about how messy he is -throwing his papers from school to be signed in imitation of how he acts all the time. He laughed like crazy. "Fogetting" to ask him about his math exam and asking him about a whole bunch of other stuff first.

Laughing at the X-Mas lists that one of them wants pimple cream in stocking! No pimples just a planner like me for the futureJ

Planning with Beauty a night out to see Twilight together. Buying her a gingerbread house to make this weekend.

Looking at my Grampy2's pictures, whose anniversary date of death is tomorrow. Smiling at his handsome picture I keep in my office and telling him things I wish I would have done better when he was alive. Asking him to watch out for my kids and keep them safe.

Asking my brothers and friends for advice on subjects that really, really matter to me. Reaching out and asking for their help.

Dinner with my Mom tonight at a restaurant will be the icing on the cupcake. Kids made her thank you cards for “keeping them” for 2 weeks while we were away. I ordered a special gift for her on the Intranet that she will love to show our appreciation.

All things I feel always in my heart-but sometimes they  don’t get as  far as my mouth.

It makes me feel happier to bestow happiness on others. Makes everyday seem important.

Today was a perfectly happy and normal day all because of the small stuff. Quite frankly today also pissed  me off on many levels for reasons I won’t get into now-,but instead of letting this stress me….I decided to instead soak up all the happy moments. Unusual behavior I know.

This may become a way of life for me..I like it so far anyways. I might recommend it to others actually.

The Inconvenient Truth

I loved the title of this book when I saw it. Struck me as so true.

I applied it to my life however..and not necessarily to recycling.

Since being back home from our luxurious vacation, I have realized that there are things about my life (and myself) that I wish were not so. That I wish were different-but as hard as I try I just cannot seem to change them.

I had always promised myself that if I started a blog-that I would be truthful. To tell you the truth- it’s tough to always do. Especially when you know your Hubby reads it, and your kids, and some of your colleagues and all your friends. Never mind all the clients out there reading and thinking “And this is the expert that coaches me on parenting? How can I trust her when she can’t get her own act together” And also all  those kind strangers out there who have been referred to my blog my someone who thinks it is good-I don’t want to let them down now do I?

And  now I go and decide  to tell the truth just as I am gaining popularity in Russia and India and Germany?? Crap!

On the upside though…telling the truth and not  only understanding our limitations, but admitting our limitations and then trying to lessen our limitations is the only real way of self awareness and eventual personal growth. Repression is so much easier and sometimes much more effective short term. But long term- it will all catch up to you.

Have you met a person yet who ignored problems in their marriage over years and ended up not getting divorced? Or sucked their thumb until 10yrs old (me!!!) and did not end up with braces? (me only because my jaw dislocated from being pushed by a boy into a  hard vault).

Have you met a person who has not been truthful with themselves who is truly happy and free?

So my inconvenient truth is that....I don’t think I am very good with kids.

I think I am way better loving them from afar, and planning for them and helping them, and strategizing with them..when they are not necessarily living in my home.
I think I am a better Mommy when I am on vacation :(((((
And I think their Daddy is a better Daddy too when he does not have to live everyday life:((((

We suck.

The good news for me (and my kids) is that they are becoming pre-teens and teens now and this is a stage that I think I like a whole lot more and am naturally much better at with much less effort:J

So I am sure this comes as a shock to many of you who have been so kind and so generous over the last number of months and have written me that “Fom the sounds of it I must be the best Mom in the world!” or those of you close to me who have commented that “Our kids are so lucky because we are such amazing parents!”

This is not necessarily so. I am a phenomenal planner and strategic thinker. Lucky for my kids (or unfortunately for them) this includes them and many aspects of their development. Also I am a credible professional coach and my niche is family and parenting and have a true passion for this and read anything and everything I can get my hands. I also am just curious all the time when if comes to family and ask everyone a ton of questions-leading people to believe that one day I might have my own TV talk  show one day  because the subject of family since a very young age just fascinates me. I am fascinated by many mundane aspects of family life. The Sociology of the Family intrigues me. How parents choose to act, behave etc..with their kids is a total high for me. Watching Super Nanny to me is a pure treat. Families intrigue me-including my own.

But living (with a family) is much, much harder for me I have to admit. I mean sure I have my stellar days. I love our traditions; I love our Friday nights, our ski seasons, our vacations. But what about all the stuff in between? As in the 350 other days? I need to learn that life is just not one big party. I need to get better at liking and living the normal days.

I try to be good at all that stuff...trust me I try harder than most. But when it comes down to it in reality I am just not a “kid person” and neither is my husband. We are not dog people either or pet people which are also a little weird. That being said I always wanted three kids but never ever coveted a dog, a rat or a snake.

We have many, many good moments and especially wonderful family times, but I think we both realized on vacation that all of this does not necessarily come naturally to us. Sometimes it takes effort

When they were born my first thoughts were “How quickly can I take this kid on vacation with me to Cuba” (3 months!)  And how soon before I can take the baby to Chapters to buy a new book (2 days!). When Hubby and I realized that we could not sleep with an intercom beside our bed registering every movement and breath because it was too loud,  we just unplugged it and tried to get as much sleep in before the baby would start howling loudly again.. Parents of the Year Award eh?

I guess it now makes more sense why I don’t stay home with my kids? Why I can handle these big careers? In essence they are so easy really compared to what is not as natural for me. Presentation in front of hundreds-piece of cake! Puzzle on floor with toddler-YIKES!

As the kids got older we realized how less and less we enjoyed some normal kid stuff. Playing with puzzles, playing a game, admiring artwork for hours. All of these things of course we did but I cannot say that I got the same thrill out of it that I did when I put into place a new chore chart or left a parent teacher meeting. Those things are pure adrenaline and bring them on. Puzzles? Crafts? Card? Games? Yuck.

As I write this I feel so sorry for my kids. I do. Hence why we have surrounded ourselves with people who can provide our kids with what we cannot do ourselves. We know what are weaknesses are and we compensate for them on every level. But I still feel sorry for my kids that the only nursery rhymes they know are those they learnt at school. Do they even know who Jack and Jill are?

At other times it all feels very effortless too of course. I attend every concert or school play no matter how important of a meeting I am supposed to be at-no exceptions and love every singe minute. I cannot watch a baby video of my kids without tears spilling from my eyelids. I can be so, so silly that my kids pee their pants (literally) at the dinner table just listening to my imitations. I am known to do really crazy things like picking up my kids at school in the middle of the day and taking them out for a quick ice-cream cone. I lie down with them and cuddle with them every night and bask in every single minute of it. We take them around and around and around tubing on every lake it Quebec until they are sick with dizziness. We are known to have a houseful of kids and I don’t blink an eyelash if it’s all messy here and chaotic I love having a house full of people. So I am definately “kid friendly” in some ways too….and pride myself in these moments.

 But I do notice when I am back from vacation and back with the kids I feel often very anxious. It’s often so chaotic, and loud. Sometimes just the needs and the demands of the three of them overwhelm me and I feel completely helpless. I want them to sit at the table and ask me about my trip, or share something funny about their day in a calm and collected manner. When they start pretending they are aliens, or imitating a French TV show over and over, sometimes I just feel like going up to bed and reading a good book. My tolerance, sadly, for fun seems to be limited to certain times of the month.


My daily dose of happiness is found in the idea of my kids and less of in the experience of my kids. I like writing about them, but find when I actually get home to them, I just often want to ask them “pretty please can you quiet down, use proper table manners, not need or request anything form me, cuddle up with me and give me a head massage, have an intellectual debate with me, stop screaming and running, do what you are told and offer to take the garbage out?” And while you are at it…” please pass math with flying colors and don’t have organs taken out of you at such inconvenient times ok? Do you think I have the energy right now to deal with lice-are you kidding me that it is going around your class! If you get lice right now-I am moving out!”

Twice at a therapist I went to see I admitted these types of things in hopes that they could "cure" me by the very nature of my truth telling.

Once I admitted: “When Beauty is sick and home from school-I resent  her ”.

Second time around “The sounds of my children laughing loudly annoys me to no end”

What did the therapist say????

“Really? Well join the rest of the human race Girl!” Only difference is that you admit this and say it aloud. And those who don’t have these issues have other ones you can be sure of that! As for not liking the sound of your children’s laughter, well that is weird could be a problem. Let’s work on that”.

So as I came home from 14 days away I am more aware of my limitations and also more willing to admit them. What touched me over the holidays profoundly was reading so many good books and what I realized is that I don’t really learn anything...unless some other brave soul out there has the courage to admit something about themselves and their own life that may be far from perfect. I tend not to learn from the perfect ones. It’s the disasters that really get to me.

Did you know what one of those most commen causes of feelings of depression and hopelessness is in women? Reading other Mommy blogs is the answer. Yup you heard right. Many feel inadequate when they read about other Mothers who they perceive may be handling everything better than they are. Can you believe this?

I do not want my blog to be a reason that anyone feels depressed or inadequate. That was my fear in starting it..is that I have alot of parenting strategies to share and information that  could be beneficial to some who are interested, but my last reason to want to write a blog is to depress people. I want you to find comfort in my imperfect life.

So in the spirit of revealing our own weaknesses I have shared mine and I hope that in some way it liberates you and frees you up. Maybe you will judge me? Maybe you will laugh at me? Maybe you will relate to me? Maybe you will stop reading my blog? The only personal control I have around here is me...and I always tell the truth.

I am likely not alone in this feeling. Somehow I notice that most everyone surrounding me is either good in one camp or another when it comes to kids and family life. Good at the” let’s play a puzzle camp” or good at “let’s teach the child how to play the puzzle and put it away nicely camp” . I have rarely seen the mix of both in a very balanced way. Both have their pros and cons-I am of the feeling that most people lean heavily to one side or the other.  

So to all you clients out there now thinking “How can she coach me if the sound of laughter gets on her nerves” Rest assured-I can help you just fine. Most of you who I work with have that joyful, happy, relaxed and sunny disposition already and that is why you are coming to see me for all the rest of the stuff. I can take that foundation and take it to a whole new level. The fact that you already love hanging out with kiddies makes you a Star in my mind and as far as the other stuff is concerned it’s all just peanuts. We will get you there, don’t you worry.

And if you are my kid reading this-know that I love your fiercely and forever. Part of being the kid or the husband of someone going more public with their own life...is that they potentially learn things that they may not have learned otherwise. To have others know about you things that may be considered private. Trust me babies I do my best and I love you the best way that I can. I am a constant work in progress and I hope you will forgive my shortcomings. I promise to try to appreciate your laughter better in the future. And will pay for all of your therapy in adulthood if I can’t change soon enough.

In the end-it’s all good and for me it’s all about integrity. If I am going to share some of the good stuff I am also going to share some of the bad stuff.
My blog won’t be the one to increase the feelings of depression in woman. No way.
My blog for me is a place to grow and transform ....in front of you and right before my own eyes.

My teacher of Transformation once told me “Tarina…until you can learn to fail you will never truly succeed.” I have learnt to invite vulnerability, failure, judgment and openness into my life and it has been one hell of a  ride let me tell you. All for the better.

Sometimes the plain truth is inconvenient. Sometimes we are winners. And sometimes we aren’t.

Sometimes we are wonderful Mommys and sometimes we are ...just a little bit scared to come home from the beach.