What do you recommend for a child of 6yrs old who cries every morning when she go to kindergarten? It is so heartbreaking and hard to leave them everyday as she seems so unhappy as I leave.
This is definitely a difficult situation and one that every parent passes through at some point in life with a child either at daycare, with a sitter or at school. I think the most important elements are ensuring that you feel completely at ease with the school you are leaving your child at? Do you feel confident and secure that it is a safe and happy environment?
If the answer is yes-then definitely do not give in to the crying or even pay it that much attention as this will make it even harder for your child to separate. You can talk to your child about her feelings and support her as she expresses her feeling about being separated from you-but if you are confident in your choice of schools- tears are just part of some kid’s process and school must be enforced always.
Perhaps ask your child if there is a picture or object she would like to keep with her throughout the day to remind her of home? Or have a Friday night plan she looks forward to for the end of the week-something special you do together or as a family?
Keep in mind-our children worry about what we worry about. If this separation makes you anxious very likely your child also feels anxious about it. If your attitude is crisp and clean and confident every morning and you don’t give the tears too much attention and say “Sweetie I love you and will be back soon and have a super day!”along with a big hug and kiss-your child I can almost guarantee after a few days of this will stop crying and have as much confidence in her capability as you do.
It is hard to see our children upset-but very likely as soon as you leave and she is engaged and playing with the other children, she will have a smile back on her face . For your reassurance ask the teacher how she is after you leave to make you feel better about the rest of her day.
“You seem to be very focused on your children's high school education and the programs they do or do not get into-why do you put so much emphasis on this and why is it so important for you?
This is a very good question; I ask myself it all the time. You are right for sure I do put a lot of focus on it and I in turn stress out a lot when it does not go the way that was planned.
I think for me (and very personal to me and not something I would necessarily preach to others..) I feel that there are certain milestones in a child’s life that are very important that parent see them through and support them through.
I feel very strongly that I have certain very specific responsibilities at certain points of my kids lives (beyond of course my normal daily parenting and nurturing roles).
For me when they were younger one of those responsibilities I felt very strongly about was doing everything in my power (which of course can be limited by many circumstances) to make them feel secure and stable. Making their life predictable in the way of routine, people , traditions and family time. Even going out on date nights with my Hubby I felt provided them with a sense of security where they could look as say “My parents love each other-they make time for each other” I wanted my kids to feel safe and secure and that "I had their backs" in whatever came our way. I wanted them to know they could count on me.
As they got to be a little older I always promised myself that I would teach them social skills very well and charisma. I find people in life who have presence often are regarded well on many levels and have more opportunities in life in general. I felt it was my responsibility to put a lot of emphasis on sociability, relationships, love, connection and authenticity in relationships. On family, friendships and deep connections but also on casual interactions with stangers on an everyday basis.I wanted my kids to learn the power of connecting with others and the happiness it could bring to their lives.
These are a few examples (amongst many others) of when they were younger of things that were really important to me.
It may sound crazy to some but high school for me (including the programs that they get into such as sports, music, international etc..) are the first milestone of setting my kids free. I feel in a way it is one of my last important decisions that I truly have control over when it comes to my tweens in some ways. It is the beginning of letting go (so, so sad as I write this:(.
Before I let them out into the world I feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to ensure that their “training ground for life” is an excellent one. High school and all of those delicate, awkward and sometimes tough years…can be experienced as really tough or really amazing and it’s very important to me to ensure the latter.
I feel that this decison can be life changing and can really influence the child's adult life as they don't have you anymore at that place as the front and center-they have the infleunce of the peer group. At least if the school itself and the values of the school are stellar-it's a good start.
I feel in a way that it’s my gift for them. Until they really start deciding what they they truly need in their lives as gifts fully on their own. It’s my way of setting them up for success in the way I perceive it academically, socially, spiritually, financially and otherwise.
Hope that answers your questions? Please importantly note I am on a journey in the same way as many of you are when it comes to parenting. I may have some of the answers but I definitely don’t have them all-that is certain!
An amazing weekend to all!
