I applied it to my life however..and not necessarily to recycling.
Since being back home from our luxurious vacation, I have realized that there are things about my life (and myself) that I wish were not so. That I wish were different-but as hard as I try I just cannot seem to change them.
I had always promised myself that if I started a blog-that I would be truthful. To tell you the truth- it’s tough to always do. Especially when you know your Hubby reads it, and your kids, and some of your colleagues and all your friends. Never mind all the clients out there reading and thinking “And this is the expert that coaches me on parenting? How can I trust her when she can’t get her own act together” And also all those kind strangers out there who have been referred to my blog my someone who thinks it is good-I don’t want to let them down now do I?
And now I go and decide to tell the truth just as I am gaining popularity in Russia and India and Germany?? Crap!
On the upside though…telling the truth and not only understanding our limitations, but admitting our limitations and then trying to lessen our limitations is the only real way of self awareness and eventual personal growth. Repression is so much easier and sometimes much more effective short term. But long term- it will all catch up to you.
Have you met a person yet who ignored problems in their marriage over years and ended up not getting divorced? Or sucked their thumb until 10yrs old (me!!!) and did not end up with braces? (me only because my jaw dislocated from being pushed by a boy into a hard vault).
Have you met a person who has not been truthful with themselves who is truly happy and free?
So my inconvenient truth is that....I don’t think I am very good with kids.
I think I am way better loving them from afar, and planning for them and helping them, and strategizing with them..when they are not necessarily living in my home.
I think I am a better Mommy when I am on vacation :(((((
And I think their Daddy is a better Daddy too when he does not have to live everyday life:((((
We suck.
The good news for me (and my kids) is that they are becoming pre-teens and teens now and this is a stage that I think I like a whole lot more and am naturally much better at with much less effort:J
So I am sure this comes as a shock to many of you who have been so kind and so generous over the last number of months and have written me that “Fom the sounds of it I must be the best Mom in the world!” or those of you close to me who have commented that “Our kids are so lucky because we are such amazing parents!”
This is not necessarily so. I am a phenomenal planner and strategic thinker. Lucky for my kids (or unfortunately for them) this includes them and many aspects of their development. Also I am a credible professional coach and my niche is family and parenting and have a true passion for this and read anything and everything I can get my hands. I also am just curious all the time when if comes to family and ask everyone a ton of questions-leading people to believe that one day I might have my own TV talk show one day because the subject of family since a very young age just fascinates me. I am fascinated by many mundane aspects of family life. The Sociology of the Family intrigues me. How parents choose to act, behave etc..with their kids is a total high for me. Watching Super Nanny to me is a pure treat. Families intrigue me-including my own.
But living (with a family) is much, much harder for me I have to admit. I mean sure I have my stellar days. I love our traditions; I love our Friday nights, our ski seasons, our vacations. But what about all the stuff in between? As in the 350 other days? I need to learn that life is just not one big party. I need to get better at liking and living the normal days.
I try to be good at all that stuff...trust me I try harder than most. But when it comes down to it in reality I am just not a “kid person” and neither is my husband. We are not dog people either or pet people which are also a little weird. That being said I always wanted three kids but never ever coveted a dog, a rat or a snake.
We have many, many good moments and especially wonderful family times, but I think we both realized on vacation that all of this does not necessarily come naturally to us. Sometimes it takes effort
When they were born my first thoughts were “How quickly can I take this kid on vacation with me to
I guess it now makes more sense why I don’t stay home with my kids? Why I can handle these big careers? In essence they are so easy really compared to what is not as natural for me. Presentation in front of hundreds-piece of cake! Puzzle on floor with toddler-YIKES!
As the kids got older we realized how less and less we enjoyed some normal kid stuff. Playing with puzzles, playing a game, admiring artwork for hours. All of these things of course we did but I cannot say that I got the same thrill out of it that I did when I put into place a new chore chart or left a parent teacher meeting. Those things are pure adrenaline and bring them on. Puzzles? Crafts? Card? Games? Yuck.
As I write this I feel so sorry for my kids. I do. Hence why we have surrounded ourselves with people who can provide our kids with what we cannot do ourselves. We know what are weaknesses are and we compensate for them on every level. But I still feel sorry for my kids that the only nursery rhymes they know are those they learnt at school. Do they even know who Jack and Jill are?
At other times it all feels very effortless too of course. I attend every concert or school play no matter how important of a meeting I am supposed to be at-no exceptions and love every singe minute. I cannot watch a baby video of my kids without tears spilling from my eyelids. I can be so, so silly that my kids pee their pants (literally) at the dinner table just listening to my imitations. I am known to do really crazy things like picking up my kids at school in the middle of the day and taking them out for a quick ice-cream cone. I lie down with them and cuddle with them every night and bask in every single minute of it. We take them around and around and around tubing on every lake it
But I do notice when I am back from vacation and back with the kids I feel often very anxious. It’s often so chaotic, and loud. Sometimes just the needs and the demands of the three of them overwhelm me and I feel completely helpless. I want them to sit at the table and ask me about my trip, or share something funny about their day in a calm and collected manner. When they start pretending they are aliens, or imitating a French TV show over and over, sometimes I just feel like going up to bed and reading a good book. My tolerance, sadly, for fun seems to be limited to certain times of the month.
My daily dose of happiness is found in the idea of my kids and less of in the experience of my kids. I like writing about them, but find when I actually get home to them, I just often want to ask them “pretty please can you quiet down, use proper table manners, not need or request anything form me, cuddle up with me and give me a head massage, have an intellectual debate with me, stop screaming and running, do what you are told and offer to take the garbage out?” And while you are at it…” please pass math with flying colors and don’t have organs taken out of you at such inconvenient times ok? Do you think I have the energy right now to deal with lice-are you kidding me that it is going around your class! If you get lice right now-I am moving out!”
Twice at a therapist I went to see I admitted these types of things in hopes that they could "cure" me by the very nature of my truth telling.
Once I admitted: “When Beauty is sick and home from school-I resent her ”.
Second time around “The sounds of my children laughing loudly annoys me to no end”
What did the therapist say????
“Really? Well join the rest of the human race Girl!” Only difference is that you admit this and say it aloud. And those who don’t have these issues have other ones you can be sure of that! As for not liking the sound of your children’s laughter, well that is weird could be a problem. Let’s work on that”.
So as I came home from 14 days away I am more aware of my limitations and also more willing to admit them. What touched me over the holidays profoundly was reading so many good books and what I realized is that I don’t really learn anything...unless some other brave soul out there has the courage to admit something about themselves and their own life that may be far from perfect. I tend not to learn from the perfect ones. It’s the disasters that really get to me.
Did you know what one of those most commen causes of feelings of depression and hopelessness is in women? Reading other Mommy blogs is the answer. Yup you heard right. Many feel inadequate when they read about other Mothers who they perceive may be handling everything better than they are. Can you believe this?
I do not want my blog to be a reason that anyone feels depressed or inadequate. That was my fear in starting it..is that I have alot of parenting strategies to share and information that could be beneficial to some who are interested, but my last reason to want to write a blog is to depress people. I want you to find comfort in my imperfect life.
So in the spirit of revealing our own weaknesses I have shared mine and I hope that in some way it liberates you and frees you up. Maybe you will judge me? Maybe you will laugh at me? Maybe you will relate to me? Maybe you will stop reading my blog? The only personal control I have around here is me...and I always tell the truth.
I am likely not alone in this feeling. Somehow I notice that most everyone surrounding me is either good in one camp or another when it comes to kids and family life. Good at the” let’s play a puzzle camp” or good at “let’s teach the child how to play the puzzle and put it away nicely camp” . I have rarely seen the mix of both in a very balanced way. Both have their pros and cons-I am of the feeling that most people lean heavily to one side or the other.
So to all you clients out there now thinking “How can she coach me if the sound of laughter gets on her nerves” Rest assured-I can help you just fine. Most of you who I work with have that joyful, happy, relaxed and sunny disposition already and that is why you are coming to see me for all the rest of the stuff. I can take that foundation and take it to a whole new level. The fact that you already love hanging out with kiddies makes you a Star in my mind and as far as the other stuff is concerned it’s all just peanuts. We will get you there, don’t you worry.
And if you are my kid reading this-know that I love your fiercely and forever. Part of being the kid or the husband of someone going more public with their own life...is that they potentially learn things that they may not have learned otherwise. To have others know about you things that may be considered private. Trust me babies I do my best and I love you the best way that I can. I am a constant work in progress and I hope you will forgive my shortcomings. I promise to try to appreciate your laughter better in the future. And will pay for all of your therapy in adulthood if I can’t change soon enough.
In the end-it’s all good and for me it’s all about integrity. If I am going to share some of the good stuff I am also going to share some of the bad stuff.
My blog won’t be the one to increase the feelings of depression in woman. No way.
My blog for me is a place to grow and transform ....in front of you and right before my own eyes.
My teacher of Transformation once told me “Tarina…until you can learn to fail you will never truly succeed.” I have learnt to invite vulnerability, failure, judgment and openness into my life and it has been one hell of a ride let me tell you. All for the better.
Sometimes the plain truth is inconvenient. Sometimes we are winners. And sometimes we aren’t.
Sometimes we are wonderful Mommys and sometimes we are ...just a little bit scared to come home from the beach.
