Magnetic

The older and wiser I get the more I believe the secret than many wisemen (or woman) have been telling me for years.

The more clear you are on what you want, the much higher chances you will get it.

And boy is this true.

So start living into your goals, your objectives, and your dreams. If you are single and you want to find a husband, shout it from there rooftops and list the 10 qualities you won’t do without, if you are looking to move into a new home tell everyone you know and soon your dreamhouse will appear on the market, if you want to adopt a baby tell all your friends and colleagues and soon a baby will be born that is perfect for your family (or they may decide to give your their own child!), if in your career you want that next move make it happen by piecing together all the missing links and asking for it directly.

When we have clarity-we are like a magnet. We attract what is deserved by us.

 Most of us attract the wrong things because we are unclear…but as soon as we take that leap and make things clearer first to ourselves and then secondly to others, watch your life spin literally right into the direction your were hoping for.

Seriously. I promise.

So shout it out! Get Bold! Be clear! Don’t sell yourself short! Ask for what you need! Be confident!

And do it often! Over and over and over again! Don’t assume anyone was listening (or caring) the first time!

Shout louder!  Make some serious noise!

D’etre Coquin

This expression came to mind the other day as I played the same tune over and over again in my car..something about a girl wanting the boy to come and mess up her bed with her.

In English the closest translation would be something around being teasing, mischievous, flirty and sweet. We don’t really have an exact word for “coquin” in English because from my view French woman are a lot less uptight that your regular ways of the Anglo-Saxon (don’t worry I am English and not French too!)

I remember my Hubby’s biggest fear of marrying an English girl was exactly this….that I would somehow not be as daring or as spontaneous and mischievous and those French women he has always been with. The fact that I rarely drink alcohol went and goes super against me in his books…. (to him this is truly a weakness of mine and I get that..it must be so darn boring to drink alone so often).

Also he likes tight jeans and high heels (a Quebec speciality that I have not mastered).

But overall despite being sober and wearing Uggs….I am very coqin. Sometimes incredibly coquin actually if I want to be and I think my husband really appreciates this about me.

So as I listened to that tune, I became really sad however because I realized that coquin has a lifespan and a time in your life and that within 6-7 yrs max for me this stage of my life will pretty much be over.

Something about that girl wanting her blankets to be messed up by a boy reminded me of me. The way she sang it, said it suggested it. That is really who I am..”Come have fun with me and who cares about the messy bed” Ok so in my married and three kid’s state it is not about a bed, but likely more about other things. “Come to my very appropriate couples dinner party, have a blast, wear what you feel cozy in, bring most the food, get tipsy, mess up my house, serve yourself whatever you wish, snuggle with me under a blanket boy or girl, forget the dishes bc that is a waste of our precious time together, let me hug you like crazy the things I love about you, and send you home with a doggy bag of food for the next morning. And okay feel free to go upstairs and see my unmade and messy bed bc quite frankly….I don’t give a fuck. I would rather spend and extra 10 mins with you than to worry about the way my bed looks”

There you have it. Moi.

And that is Coquin as far as I see it. Nice but mischievous. Proper but not always and not necessarily often either.

But it made me sad that to think that in about 6-7 yrs I would not have the looks to match this. For some reason in my mind coquin looks youngish. Coolish. Stylish. Yummyish mommyish. Sorta of like me and all my just turned forty friends. We don’t wear My Mother’s Jeans (yet). We are cool enough (or so we think) and plenty of boys still look at us in the corridors at work (we hope). Although bikinis may be on their way out for us in the last 12 months or so….we wear cute dresses and tall boots or sweat pants and ugg boots with little tank tops and our hair in ponytails. We may not look as great as a decade ago..but we still look good (we think). We wear Spanx but noone sees it anyways so who even cares. Yes we are rounder, have more celulite, have  a wee bit of face fat......but we still believe we are cool so doesn'tconfidence count for something anymore???

If we flirt or are mischievous we come across as still somewhat ok (I think). We are not over the hills yet and we don’t bore our husbands to death (half the time anyways).

But I found it sad to think of a time that is closer than I would like when I will not have this trait anymore to depend on. Instead it is more likely I will be wearing Depends. How will I navigate my life, my career, being a Mom, being a wife, having dinner parties….if I am not cute, adorable, mischievous, flirty, sexy or coquin?  Or at least be convinced that I am? Each year I seems to get worse and worse. What is it about forty that is Fabulous again? Is it that I am supposed to be smarter and wiser? Yuck! No thank you. BORING!

And don’t give me that bull about seniors being every bit as sexy. I don’t think soo….and yes I know that I am only 41 and have a way to go, but still…..it seems all downhill in the coquin department as of now and onwards no?

So as I played that song and heard about her messy bed and blankets, I realized that while I still have it I have to access that part more in myself and build on it. Somehow I am just not ready to move on from it.

Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like?

So Hubby…I will try…I will try..to like more wine ok????? If I must I will wear my skinny jeans with high heels and not clunky boots just for you-possibly. Maybe in the dark in our room where none can laugh at me or the fashion police can put me in jail.

But what I promise with all of my heart is that our time together, our moments, our conversations, our cuddles, our chats will always be more important than a perfect made bed like the one we saw this weekend at our friend’s house. It is just not us..it is just not me. I will solemnly promise you never to make our kids make their beds and praise them most days of the week for living in the moment.

D’etre coquin. Let’s try and make it last as long as possible. Together. The whole bunch of us.

I Just want to Smell like a Banana

It’s been years that I have had this dream. It’s just not the same when it is shampoo or lip balm somehow.

The real banana smell comes from a body wash. To really get to smell like a banana you have to have it frothed all over you in suds.

How sad that the Body Shop has excluded this yummy scent from the other 100 fruits they seem to promote.

What a loss.
How uncreative.

And it’s not just any banana I want to smell like –it’s a Body shop Banana. On nights like this where my kids have had all sorts of crazy events happen this weekend to them and I feel like the world is heavy and on my shoulders yet again…I think that maybe writing a banana complaint letter, just might do the trick. And take my mind of real worries for a while too. Perhaps?
Parenting is just so damn hard. Having the goal to smell banana like seems so much easier somehow. Very achievable.

Maybe it is because I am allergic to bananas (cooked ones anyways) that I want to smell so much like one?

Maybe it is because when I was 17 yrs old this really nice guy told me that the way I smelled so sweet would stay with him forever (and I had used banana shampoo)?

But I don’t know. More so I don't even care where this need comes from. As I sit here this week night after night putting on the amazing tangerine, grapefruit, mango and lime moisturizers and body washes that I for my birthday..although I am grateful..I am also disappointed.

That still..still…I don’t smell like a banana.

Plenty

I spent a day at Trent this week with a really good friend and the word “plenty” came to mind.

More than anyone I know this woman has taught me some important life lessons along the way, and yesterday was no exception. I left the day (and sleepover) understanding that friendship and connection in some cases have a lot more to do with quality than quantity.

This particular friendship for me is based very much on this notion. I am convinced that if moving forward I would have this kind of day, with this kind of friend once a year, we would be every bit as connected and close. It’s a unique relationship and I treasure it.

We spent the day often outside with 3 walks in 24 hrs in the country air, we say by the fire reading blogs and discussing them, talking and reading. We tried to figure out how to turn on the TV and failed, and had a big soak with spa music and candlelight in the Jacuzzi. She cooked for me my fave meal, and I cooked for her. I fed her cupcakes.

And we helped eachother make some big decisions about career and our short and long terms plans.

And we talked loads about friendship and our expectations of friends. Our boundaries. If we expect to much from others? Expect too little? Get what we need? Ask for what we need? Give what is needed? Give enough?

I figured out plenty yesterday and this morning about life, my work my friendships, my priorities and my expectations. And I think she did too.

It was a wonderful and indulgent day filled to the brim with abundance, beauty, understanding and communication.

Friends like her…may not come by in life often….may not stay long enough..may be complicated..

But theses moments are plenty.. And I have ever confidence that this particular person will be there for me across the world wherever she may be, with whatever backpack on her back as President of the United States or volunteering her time in a hospital….if I let her know I need her.

And wherever she is-whatever she tells me to do if I ask her advice or she just gives it anyways-she knows that more than likely I will listen to her.

She is plenty.

Abundance

 

This was the word my husband gave me as a gift this year.
It was utterly romantic and sweet and touching.
He symbolized it with a charm to add to my bracelet. A little shell with a mother of pearl inside.
He said I was the center of abundance in our lives. The center of our happiness.
I got my own word. Yay.

Whose bday is it today?

Moi.

Not the big party it was last year (or parties that is). I guess will have that again in another nine years. However plenty of moments to remember of bday stuff and general long weekend of thanksgiving.

Don’t ever want my blog to be too blah..blah..blah..so here is the summary of what is going through my mind on this special day:

My absolute favorite part of today was coming home from work at 6:30 and seeing my family dancing as I came in the door to one of my favorite songs “Call me Maybe”. Music blaring, in a line all four, then they turn around and each have a sign on their backs spelling “We love you tons!!!!” Blaring turned up to the max took my coat and grabbed me and had me dance with them on the coffee table and all of us together.

I actually cried believe it or not. (I don’t really do stuff like that). It made me feel….just so loved.

Wishes:6 wishes one for each at 11:11-so sure they will all come true: pain free and boyfriend for her, office and continued positive path for him, same amazing track for him, best school for her, coming into his own and continuing sweetness for him. Two bestselling books for me. Beauty gave me 5 more wishes with pennies on an envelope….so really 11 in total.

Great gifts! Yes. Top of list Zach and him getting to keep his health (thank God!), Mom’s amazing surprise bag and pink grapefruit cream, 17 new books bought at full price, bracelet from Mikonos, horse notebook for wishes, my own candy poster! Fudge and beautiful candles! Little expensive maroon cookies! Laffy Taffys just for me!!! A new charm for Links of London-symbolizing abundance! Party of Five seasons!

Experiences-bring them on! Lunch with little Shelley (so niceJ) , amazing day ahead at Trent, lunch with Sweetheart and Holiday later this week, Trent with Savvy soon!! Loblaw’s cake and Mommy Dearest with Mom and clan., curry chicken and pressies with Family of Five, Villa with Wonder and basking in sweetness of Soulekeepper and her babes upcoming and takeout.  Special calls from sista and bro and lots of friends and family. Beautiful Indian dinner and cupcakes and dances. The table set just so with the birthday basket. Kisses and hugs from my family. Beauty and bonding. Hubby and closeness. As I read this I realize I am spoiled! And loved!!!
 

Grateful: for life, for health, for my career, my family, my wonderful husband. For being able to say yes, and no, and get the chances I do every day to live out my dreams. For having begun a journey of a lifetime, and get to see my kids grow, and for holding on to the sentiment that “you can do whatever you want in life”. You can beat the odds, and make your life happen. And for never ever taking a single moment for granted.

Grateful for being invited to new places, and being loved, and re-establishing connections where they have been broken.

Mostly-for knowing where my priorities are and having the strength to stick to them.

Because really you all give me so much inexplicable joy in those priorities and those moments. It's easy to have laser focus with all of you around.

Those moments-they mean everything to me. And I intend to live a whole lot more. With you.

Time for Kind

In the last week I have noticed how I have felt when people around me have showed kindness to me. I have also noticed how I feel when I show kindness.

Overall it feels really good.

Sometimes I stop and think” If I did not work as hard as I do and have as busy of a life as I do-I would have so much more time for kindness now wouldn’t I?”

And then I tell myself what an idiotic selfish thought that is. It’s simply an excuse.

No one should ever be too busy for certain things-especially to be kind. Kindness comes for your heart and when you feel it is sort of like breathing-you can’t really forget or get too busy to do it. You just need to.

And that is why it is so important to receive from others…because sometimes it is hard to breathe on our own and kindness can help us.

It’s important to give it freely and often because then we remind ourselves of our gentle hearts and that they are still there.

My goal is to be kind as often as I can to the people I love, and even to the ones I don’t. It doesn’t always work out that way-but at least the thought was there right? And I found myself swell with pride this week where five different people told me in different words how much something I said or did (all little but important) meant to them.

Sometimes I wish I had a full time job that made me be kind all the time. But then I know I would bore myself to death so am happy for my own job where I get to be kind and not too bored both at the same time.

And I have been taught to be kind by many good teachers. I have been lucky enough to be loved by many, to be forgiven by some, to be doted on and listened too. I have been the proud recipient of people dropping their own lives for mine when I or a loved one has been in crisis; I have had friends that are like family, and people who would raise my kids in a heartbeat.

I have colleagues that are good friends, and men that are my buddies. I have a husband that loves me in unmatched pyjamas and kids who still want to hang out with me. A Mom who wraps all 20 little b-day gifts in pretty paper because she knows it will please me.

But most of all life has taught me to be kind…because it has been kind to me. And from that place of gratitude, I have slowly but surely learnt how precious and invaluable it is to show tiny acts of kindness to the people we love. No matter how busy or preoccupied we are, or how stressed or how not right the moments can be to squeeze in anything extra. To squeeze in niceness to our already overpacked schedules.

Because when all is said and done, we will all be judged and judge others not by what people say…but by what they do. And kindness is a verb and needs to be acted on and not only spoken of.

Being kind is a gift to both parties. It’s required really to feel human in this what sometimes feels like a totally crazy life.

 

PS sometimes it's also fun to be really mean too...but that is a subject for another post entirely.

Pyjamas at the Table

Memories of my Dad. As I mentioned he was not a disciplinary type at all. I pretty much bossed him around and disciplined him most of my life, which is an odd thing for a kid to do I know.

That being said there were a few times where my Dad stood up to the plate and told me what to do. And these few times imprinted themselves is my memory powerfully.

When I was about 17 yrs. old he told me that it was rude to wear pyjamas to the dinner table.

You cannot even imagine how weird this sounded coming from my Dad. No discipline or direction most days, no table manners himself, no caring of table manners. I was very surprised he even noticed what I wore or did not wear.

But it has a big impact on me. From that day forth I have been very conscious about my decision to wear pyjamas to the table. (YES I AM A REBEL)

(for all you soft parents out there who think no discipline is what your kids crave-trust me, wake up and smell the coffee, it makes a child feel incredibly insecure and lost. Step up the commands, the time outs, the direction and the clearer more direct voices and stronger opinions and your kid will feel a whole lot better. Kids are not looking for a gentile friend; they are looking for a confident parent who is in charge and capable. There is something immensely comforting in knowing that your parent will ultimately tell you what to do since you as a kid have no clue and need someone to tell you “no”)

So despite my feelings of respect that my Dad did not think that it was polite to wear pyjamas to the table (I think he forgot the next day anyways since he never mentioned it again)…I still do wear them. Pretty much every night.

And so does my husband. And often my three kids. And we love doing this.

The other night I looked at my husband in our warm pj’s and with blankets around our shoulders eating outside together on a crisp fall evening on the patio…and thought “look how sweet we are”.

This is part of our family brand, our signature style. Pyjamas are part of what makes us who we are.

Over the years I have tried to improve my pyjamas style. Tried to make them more stylish or better fitting, or more attractive, or fashionable. I have tried to buy super expensive lounge wear, and very flattering workout bottoms that I pair with pyjama tops. Somehow though….I always go with the most comfy and actually more homely ones. And so does my husband . And so do my kids.

It’s like a bit of a beauty rebellion. All of us by day look pretty well put together  and fashion concious (I think) but by night we come into our own like vampires and wear striped with polka dots and ill-fitting dumb clothes. We don’t care what is too big or too small because all that matters is the coziness and comfort of it. We don’t need to impress each other after work or at the cottage. We just come as we are and with what we have. And if that means a t-shirt three sizes too small and big fluffy red socks then so be it.

If ever I have an affair (which I won’t) I would need to get some serious new pyjamas!

I think I love my husband and my kids most in their pyjamas. And I think they prefer me this way too. Au natural to the extreme. Unrecognizable to the images we portray to the general public. We save our eccentricities for family.

So thanks Dad for your strong opinion. I truly valued it and cherished it all these years and strongly considered your point of view. That being said I realize that I am at my best with a comfy bra on, no earring, no ring, with an oversized sweatshirt, a tiny t-shirt and big fluffy socks with my hair in a scrunchie and I want to stay this way.

Somehow being in PJ’s at the table……makes home….home just like when I was a kid. Feels good.