My Hubby is 12 years older than I am.
Usually we don’t even notice it. Other times we notice it
a lot. We go through different phases on this.
Right now we are feeling it.
And no it has nothing to do with him snoring louder…or
falling asleep quicker ..or getting out of breathe easier…..because although
those things are a reality they are often unfortunately a reality for me too.
It has more to do with the life stages we are in. There
is a big difference right now. I am 41 and he is 53. We have been married
almost 17 years. (omg as I write this I fell sooooo old…and also soooo proud of
where we are at it is seems such a rarity to say you have been married 17 years
these days and still really happy).
We have kids who are almost all teenagers 11, 13 and 15.
OMG how did we ever get here?
And now what is making our age difference obvious is our career
stages. He just bought a beautiful and charming old small home that he is
renovating and moving his office too for the last 10-15 yrs likely of his
career…..and I am thinking of within 5-10 yrs. starting up the company of my
dreams. (TBD what that dream is exactly!!!!!)
Polar opposite dreams. Stages. It is weird.
We have always been where each other has been in life. Especially
as careers are concerned. I remember my maternity leaves three times were difficult
for us because it separated us. Our days were different. We thrive on being on
the same page. Maternity leaves were a beautiful but also challenging time for
both of us who covet coming home and sharing our days over a martini and a diet
coke. I remember wanting to get back to work for the sole purpose of him understanding
me again and me understanding him.
I feel very very comforted that for the next 5-10 yrs. we
will still be the same. Still have our career stability together. I am not
ready yet. Neither is he.We will fend off this next stage of life for a while
yet. It is definitely not time.
But yesterday on a walk we started discussing the inevitable.
The likely situation. He will likely die before I doL((( I will be left alone.
And we started discussing what that looked like and what he wanted for me and
what I wanted for me. We decided to put it in a letter to our kids to open after
one of our deaths. We are both on the same page around that.
But it still made me sad to even have that conversation. Very
sad.
And then we started discussing our retirement….we will
never really have one together necessarily. Neither of us really wants one
anyways. We just want a whole lot more vacation time and longer weekend and
summer off and winter off. Should that
count as retirement? Or just major slowing down at some point far off in the
future?
We decided that in about 10-15 yrs. he should change careers
and supervise others and manage others in his current domaine. He should do
something physical and not mental. He is great at both.
And I should try to make us a ton of money. Just because
it is fun and a challenge but also because we will need it to keep afloat. To
even stay where we are now-we will need
to shake it up a lot. Thank god I am good at shaking it up when necessary.
So yesterday on our walk to the stream we did some of our
best thinking and tried to think what life is might look like in 15 years’time
when we both have some more free time.
He might be managing a real estate attorney or two from
his new location. He might be a plumber or electrician a couple of days a week.
He might be taking 4 day weekends in winter and summer. He might be playing
golf and doing a whole lot of putzing around.
She might be traveling 50% around the world for work. She
might take him with her a whole lot and maybe even her adult kids. She might be
taking 4 days weekend’s winter and summer. She might be running a business in
his new property. She won’t be playing a whole lot of anything as she will be
super busy-but she will also make sure she has a lot of time to relax and play
when she is off. He phone will always be off when shalways on when she is with him and always on when she is not.
Together they would do yoga and meditation classes. They would
take long walks everyday that they are together. Together they would cook and
visit the market daily for what they want to taste. They would pick up their vegetable
and fruit basket weekly and cook everything in it. They would make curries and
cupcakes and lentils with cilantro and steaks with lemon . They would travel to
beautiful places and do beautiful things. They would babysit their friends kids
all the time and teach them all how to waterski. They would call their own
adult kid’s daily love their significant other truly and have them over to
dinner as often as possible. And they would have enough money to always pay
their kids gas to come to their cottage (aka always).
I remember my BFF Sister Savvy saying one day in Ontario…how
beautiful the old man and woman at the chicken restaurant holding hands were, they
were really old and you could tell that they had been together for a lifetime.
They
had done life together from beginning to end.
As my husband and I walked and talked yesterday I
realized that is us. It always has
been and it always will be. Yes he is my coma guy. Is coma girl.
And no matter our age difference and no matter our career
stage. We have created a symphony with each other that we will always still be
on the same page. No matter what.
And if ever he-or I-shall dies first. (knock on some serious wood that this is past
when we are both 100 yrs old) we both know that we will still be with each other…
wishing and wanting for the other what we ourselves could not provide not being alive
anymore. Always wanting for each other for the happiness to go on and continue
in the beautiful life we have created together.
I know for certain that we will always belong with each
other. I will always hear and listen to his voice. And he will always here and listens
to mine.
We will always be carrying out our vision. Always.
Together. Seperated. Always we will be on the same page. The one we created and
brought to life.
Together.
