Underneath

Whenever we snorkel down south I am always amazed at the world underwater that exists. It always gives me a sense of that there is so much that goes on below and above the world for which we are mainly unaware. A whole new perspective than on land.

I remember utterly having this feeling when we first took our boat out on the big lake near our home. That our whole community all the sudden seen from a completely different view and perspective. There was a world beyond the one we saw everyday right outside our door it seemed.

Snorkelling is always a wonderful feeling for me and today did not disappoint. We went on an excursion with Pop and Licky and had a blast. It kinda felt like Spring break for old people! We were all singing with the music  high and diving and jumping off the top of the boat. Was super cool. My husband gets into these things a lot more than I do too so is fun (and weird!) to see this side of him emerge. I become an introvert and he the extrovert at stuff like this…..it’s always interesting for me to see this side of him. I am always left a bit in awe.

I love the lightness of snorkelling and how light and airy my body feels doing it. Brings me back to my teenage years when I felt my body was a machine. Capable of anything. Strong-light and muscular. When I snorkel I feel so light and petite and weightless. I think of my daughter and how good it must feel to be so powerful and athletic and  slim and young. To be a feather dancing in the wind. Aww ..the good old days! And living through my daughter to recapture some of this youth too (now I sound really old!() (Good thing today is three people on the boat couple not believe I had three teens –they thought I was much youngerJ)) Must have had something to do with my tan and sparkly headbands down here. Whenever I am not dressed up and have no makeup people think I am younger-got to try this look at work!

Anyways it was a great excursion. At one point everyone was snorkelling and then started pointing my way and swimming towards me. I look down underwater with my mask and my bikini tip was falling off and I had a half exposed boob! I could not believe how rude these people were making such a spectacle of this!!! Until I realised that there was a big barracuda behind me and that my boob was of little interest!!!!! This was soooooo funny. I silently laughed about it for hours in my head. And I totally started screaming about the Baracuda and asking my husband why the F….. people were swimming towards it and not away from it!

I love seeing all the starfish and zebra fish and colorful tropical fish. Makes me anticipate the fish we will buy Beauty when we are back. Her first pet. Ok ..stop laughing now ok? We have to start somewhere and this is where is begins..with a little fish.

We also excitedly called home tonight and loved taking to the kids and my Mom for over 40 minutes since long distance is free here. May sound weird to many but we purposefully don’t call home for the first 6 days. We have done this in the past 5 yrs. It is good for us to completely disconnec for the first week, but in our opinion even better for the kids. Allow them to fully be present in the amazing experiences they have with my Mom during this time. To do it a different way and emerge themselves in that experience. Get out of our normal routine and do some serious bonding with their beloved Didi.

And experience another world. Like the one we did today snorkelling.

I love the grandparent role. In the book I am reading about marriage and families having very involved grandparents is also another success factor of marriage. I totally agree. My mom has totally enhanced ours..and also the lives of our children. They are home with her now and have their routine going. A movie every night together…special dinners. Special treats. I love this. The kids said she is great entertainment. I miss living with my Mommy-she is the absolute best. Sometimes I wish I were a kid again…it was so fun to be me and her.

And I am soooo the type of person that does not interfere when she watches the kids. She does it her way and I adore this. There are no rules imposed of what to do and how to do it. Watch what you wisho wish-stay up as late as works for you, eat what you want. Do it your way and this is what the kids treasure. I remember when my Grampa was alive he would swear and say “Jesus Chrust!” all the time in front of the kids. I did not try to correct this for the sake of my young children…I embraced this accepted this side of him (along with all his soft sides too) and to this day when we think of him we all shout out “Jesus Christ!” Grandparents to me are the biggest gift on earth. I can only hope that we are half the grandparents my Mom is and that my Grampy was. Beautiful beautiful people. And Hubby’s Dad too….telling our kids how to eat and sit and act. Love it all.

The fish world underneath the sea made me realise how much we don’t see in life. How much there is to learn. How the world of others are often unexposed to us. A word…a question. A behavior may have so much more underneath than what we see at face value. Get curious. Ask questions. Seek to understand before being understood. There is so much there to uncover. Put your mask and breathing tube on and ….dive..far far down.

Man is this world plentiful isn’t it.

I feel like a million bucks right now having spoken to our three children. All sounded happy, safe, and well. My Mom said they were all healthy and helpful and at ease. So are we. And each had such a great conversation with us-I miss them-I miss hanging out with them. Can’t wait to get home and watch “We are the Millers” with them. Bought it here and it is soooooooo funny (bit too volatile probably for a PG but still too funny to miss). I loved how Chase is so proud of his marks (OMG something amazing is happening to him this semester-can’t wait to post more about it) And Bear asking us about our trip in detail and Beauty just being sweet Beauty.

I love it here and I love it back home. Life is very good and I feel blessed

And I am comforted to know that beneath and above this world that I love is even more to discover.

That any time I want to dive deeper the world is my oyster.

 

 

 

Now I Get It...

I always have topics that I read about on vacation. Usually half fiction books and then other topics that I find interesting and “hot” that year. For many years it has been parenting books and business books.

This trip it is marriage books.  I choose three books on this topic that I thouroughly researched that are supposed to be the best out there. They all seem to have very common threads in terms of what makes a marriage last and what makes it work. I love how it was articulated.

In terms of marriage all three books suggest that year two to seven yrs. of marriage is how long infatuation lasts. Most couples 2-3 yrs are infatuated with each other on some level. For some this ends there and for some this lasts up until 7 yrs. (hence the term coined the 7 yr itch). The line I loved was “ the day you wake up to you partner and have some doubts about if she or he is the guy or girl for you-is the day your real marriage begins”

Love love love this. It is so true.

We don’t necessarily grow in infatuation. We don’t grow our partner or ourselves. It is an amazing phase and one we all covet to all feel again-but it is usually an uncritical phase- so passing through it can be easier than other phases of marriage can be in many ways..

In the two books they describe that many people in marriage do not ever roll over and doubt the partner they are with…it is repressed…or harder feelings are put aside-but they do show up at one point eventually and often are so strong they destroy a marriage as they were not dealt with along the way.  They talk about the true test of marriage being when things are not going as well vs. when things are running very smoothly. A combination of both is when the true test begins. And that by overcoming it as a team is when much deeper levels of love are reached.

Marriage is compared to stages of growing up. Infancy-childhood-adolescence. To grow up into a successful adult you cannot skip one stage-you have to go through them all-and encompass the various stages of all-and not just skip over the harder stuff. If you don’t live through them all you come back to them at various inappropriate times of your life (during marriage, parenthood etc.). and often dysfunction is lived . Stages of marriage are also compared to the grief stages…you have to live them all..if you don’t you come back to them at one point. Marriage has phases to pass through and we have to allow ourselves to go through them.

If I look at my own marriage I can relate to this for sure. Up until 10 yrs. of marriage although certainly not in infatuation stage that long…..things were smoother and easier. After 10 yrs. some turmoil and questioning and figuring it all out..together….

The last two years have been harder on us..and beautiful too. So incredibly beautiful actually. Right now things are very very good and this process has come with it’s challenges. We are entering what feels like a whole new level of respect and love right now. I bet this will change too and go through many other phases. The point being that both of us feel unconditionally loved enough by each other enough to fully express ourselves-to challenge each other –to disappoint each other too. We are becoming better selves because of our relationship. But it is not easy-at all. It has also been one of the hardest couple of years of my life in many ways.

I relate so much to what these books are telling me. Love takes work and is work. If it is not work at all-likely you have only scraped some layers of it and there are probably a whole lot more to uncover. When we stop working and searching and asking-we stop learning.

 

Other strong factors contributing to successful marriage were a shared faith/spirituality, good ways of handling conflict…prioritization of the relationship beyond traditional date nights. But the strongest factor was resilience and the ability as a couple to overcome obstacles together both external and internal to the relationship. The ability to handle hard stuff not only that happens to you as a couple but that will arise between you both separating you initially and then bonding you eventually.

I adored reading these ideas. They were all new to me on paper although not foreign in my mind.

As Hubby and I spend so much time together here on vacation I realize we are passing all the tests with flying colors in many ways and also have so much to work on too and get better at. We realized last night that next summer I will have spent very close to half of my life with this man! We have gone through so many phases together..and will go through so many more.

Reading about marriage is a wonderful thing fo me and I am totally enjoying it.

I am also  appreciating my marriage on this trip. The time we are spending-the relaxing we are doing-the 24/7 company of eachother that we never seem to tire of. Our shared exhaustion and shared love of food. Our love of reading and napping any time of day. The meals he cooks for me and the showers we take together. Knowing and understanding so clearly that he loves me to bits-every part of me both the good and the bad. Understanding that a big mosquito bite ( or 9or 10) on my face doesn’t faze him in the least. This man is here to stay.

And I am too. And for maybe the first time in my life I am letting in all the  unconditional love. Allowing, myself to feel happiness at being adored rather than fear.

My friend at my cottage said to me the other week” No matter what…..I will always always be here. There is nothing you could ever say or do to change that. Ever”

And I allowed myself to hear it and feel it and take it in.

Just like in my marriage.

I have realized that for me the most important factor in any close relationship is defining it together. Not only understanding eachother’s love language but creating and defining our unique and particular relationship together. There is no right or wrong way-the beauty of it is that we get to choose. Achieving a shared definition of what is good and right for both of us. This to me is the the success of any relationship. In the last two years I have devoted a lot of my energies in getting it right in my marriage, my friendships, my family relationships and my relationships with my children. I am well on my way of having some of the most fulfilling and deep relationships that I have ever had in my life.

In my marriage and beyond it.

 

 

 

 

 

The Shift to Be

The Shift to Be

I just read a great book on weight loss and happiness called “The Shift”.

After reading this book it became clear to me I was ready for my own (and my family’s) own type of shift when it comes to food and health.

There have been a few “subtle “hints lately leading me to think this:

My husband and I even after 4.5 days of vacation are still totally exhausted. We sleep all the time and nap anytime and everywhere. We used to easily walk 6 miles or more a day on the beach and now we find it an effort so far to walk at all! I am sure this will improve as of tomorrow or sometime soon but I think we are too tired and something is causing this. Food?

We both keep asking each other if there is something wrong with our washing machine because out bathing suits from the same trip last year seem to have shrunk.

Bear came home before trip with a pillowcase full of Halloween candy and a few days later we asked him if we could take a little baggie of candy on our trip and he said he has eaten it all. Then he asked if after his flu vaccine Didi could take him to the depanneur to have a treat. This made me think my children are (all) total pigs.

So it is time to shift!!!!

Here are a few rules I will follow when I am home. When I write them down it usually means I am committing to them. Especially when it is a public forum. My kids (and husband) kinda hate when I have a whole lot of time on my hands like this as I always come up with new “systems”J)))  It is so much fun for me anyways!!!

So here is what I am going to do when I get home:

Write everything I eat in a notebook

Brush my teeth after every meal

Weight myself and stash it in an envelope and then weight myself exactly a year later and compare (and every day in between but not write it down)

Only have one diet cola a day (vs sometimes two on weekends)

Never take seconds of anything

Only eat one carbohydrate (like bread or pasta or potato) per meal (this one will be friggin hard but better than eating none right??)

Consider a treat a treat. Not every mouthful or meal has to be something to look forward too or a celebration. Most days can just be ordinary (this one will be friggin hard too!)

Eat intuitively and don’t get tempted by tings that I could not care less about (like salad dressings, drinks, juices etc.)

Eat much more s-l-o-w-l-y (just typing this out slowly nearly killed me btw)

Only have desserts at home if we have baked them (since I also have a bad habit of not cooking or baking this will help this for sure)

Dessert can only be eaten 2 hrs. After a meal and not at night. And weekends only (as usual).

So there it is!!! Not too complicated right? If I have a large piece of paper I could stick these rules  on the bathroom mirror and practically not even see myself!

But seriously they may sound complicated to you but for me they totally resonate. For one of the first times I think I have the magic formula for me! I can shift I think with minimal intrusion. I can do this!

And as for the kids and family:

Much less processed foods

No more chips (only baked ones)

Make it and eat it dessert rule

No dessert until 2 hrs after meal

It is very difficult living with three tweens and teens who are like skinny minnies. They can eat ANYTHING and it would never show. I mean 6 packs abs and everything all three . Good good genes lucky them. Frustrating and deceiving. If they were a little chubbier we would have banned the bad stuff a long time ago.

It’s funny though because I make us sound like a Rosanne Bars house but it is totally far from the truth. We all eat very healthfully. Where we miss the train is on holidays and when guests come over and sometimes weekends even. We go overboard. During the week it is super healthy and no desserts and no treats and no fast food etc. We have lots of rules around healthful eating and actually none of us are big eaters….or overeat.

But my hips and Hubby’s belly this vacation is telling me it is time to shift. The fun is coming to and endL It’s time to grow up and have some restraint. The party is over. A new party is about to begin. Sure we will derail here and there and cheat here and there, but it is time to change overall.

I am actually excited. I guess this book was really really good for me. Somehow the message was wrapped up in just the perfect way for my state of mind.

PS-although the author’s shift although much simpler than my own with only three rules…..is way too drastic for me. Plain boring. I would rather be dead. In general I find diets a very very boring way of life. It bores me to pieces when woman order a salad with chicken.

PSS-Can this diet start after vacation? Trust me it won’t before then.  Living in a condo with this amazing chef for two weeks won’t allow that. On the menu tonight is beef teriyaki stir fry and garlic loaf and a Greek salad. Vanilla Oreos and milk to wash it down. We have been here 4.5 days and have only eaten out once! He has cooked everything. Lucky me:))

We are Foodies. We love our food. It’s kind of a religion. Thank god we aren’t too big or this really really would not work for us.

PSSS-I am so lucky to have a husband who looks at me and says I am beautiful all the time. He would way rather have a  bit of a tighter bathing suit on me (or him) then have me (or him) eating no pasta or bread. Guess we really are soul mates! I told him my plan totally and he was very unimpressed.

Moments

What I adore about travel are all the moments we get to have.

To live

To appreciate.

Time of travel is different. The clocks ticks to a different beat it seems. Energy is spent in different ways. Naps are needed and taken. Everyday there is time to do what your body wants to do and needs. Everyday there is time to dream and think and believe.

Every day is perfect on vacation it seems if you let it be.

Today was no different. There were some cool moments. The dolphin romping around the sail boat for 5 minutes. Diving in and out of the water and swirling around the boat (that I missed as I decided to forgo the sail with Hubby crazy me!!!)

The huge wedding in front of our eyes and the rain that almost ruined it and the sun that saved it at the last moment.

The deepest prettiest color purple of the bridesmaids dresses that I captured in my heart for Beauty one day?

The book. Oh the book. That one I wanted to steal? I got up the courage to ask the girl for it….she was leaving and she said yes! Yay! This couple struck me on many levels..the way they took care of their little kids so much like us when ours where little on vacation-the schedules naps, the alone time, the lunches at the pool under the umbrella. I noticed them because they stood out…both man and woman the same height…almost exactly..The way they described how important it felt for them to travel.

The book I am reading about travel and wanderlust moments

The other book I am reading about friendship which articulated to me in every shape and form my thoughts about one of my own friendships.

The pink and gold sky over and over

Vacation should be mandatory for the soul. No beach needed. No fancy hotel.

Required:

: Rest, relaxation, being unplugged and someone caring and loving to watch the children. That is all that is needed for nourishment even once a year.

I can also feel myself restless on vacation too at moments. So unused to the downtime…until my body adjusts and readjusts and craves the time in front of it instead of fearing it.

Moments…so precious when we allow them in.

Green Eyed Monster

Before anything else in case my kids miss us and are reading…we love you!!!! Forever and a day!!! Weather is beautiful here and having a super time. Hope you all are too with Didi!!!

My eyes are green

Always have been and always will be

Lately I have drawn some attention to them because I colored my hair much darker and so many more people have noticed my eyes

But this is not about those types of green eyes but the green eyed monster that has veered her head a few times in the last couple of weeks

Yesterday was a great first day (and today a super second one) Gorgeous weather so far (rare for us) great and relaxing time, amazing beach and pool. We topped it all off last night with, massages on the balcony with the sound of the ocean lapping.  Heaven.

I was sitting inside the condo and could hear my Hubby talking to the massage therapist after the massage:

“Oooooooh that was :Fantastic”

“Oh my god- that was like the best feeling ever”

“Awwww I have not felt that good in forever”

Oh my god that was soooooooo good and amazing”

It sounded as if they had just had a (really good) roll in the hay together. PS- she is pretty and blond.

So then it was my turn and before I even lay down on the table she is telling me how amazingly lucky I am to be married to my husband. She said he has the nicest long legs ever (really…I have never thought of or measured his legs) and that the fact he is cooking while I am getting my massage… that he is the best husband ever and I should never let him go.

I felt like I was a voyeur peeking into an affair. It was really funny and really weird.

I mean my husband is a really really good looking guy. As in really. And I know it. Totally classy and refined and good old fashioned clean-cut, but sexy, salt and pepper hair-light blue like the ocean eyes kind of good looking. He has the height too at 6 feet tall and with extra weight (aka about 30 lbs!) in last couple of years beefs him up a bit which is also nice.

I know he is a cutie and I am proud of it.

But lately man oh man the woman are after him. Last week it was bagels

I see a really super yummy bag of fresh baked bagels on the counter at home and I ask who they are from?

He says “a gift from a client”.

A gift from a client? Who gives their the real estate attorney bagels?

I asked more questions and found out it was a divorced single woman client.

Now this is all coming together.

And I started saying in a really loud and clear voice “That is like totally unacceptable!” “A totally unacceptable gift to give your Notary”.

The kids were all laughing sooooo hard. Chase ran downstairs and told Bear all about it and they were dying laughing at what I said.

Hubby felt so proud of how jealous I was . He pretended to be annoyed but we all know it was a show. He told this bagel story to anyone who will listen. I good kinda play up these jealousy moments as good for his ego. And then I happily ate those yummy bagels for breakfast all week and that made my family laugh even harder.

So all of this to say it seems with my darker hair my green eyes are green eyed monster eyes. I am happy that there is still some jealousy there-shows we still care doesn’t it? After almost 18 yrs of marriage this must be good right?

I will shortly go in the double shower room (very cool!) with this hot man of mine and both masseur lady and bagel woman can be jealous themselves. (Kids I hope you have stopped reading because trust me I know from very firsthand experience just how gross and creepy it is when parents talk about intimacy to their kids!!!!!!!!) I am hoping I lost your interest after my first sentenceJ

PS-I still think giving a bagel to your lawyer is plain weird. And very very bold.

PSS-the massage therapist said that I had the silkiest smoothest skin ever and that I was a lot less hairy than my husband (thank god!) I guess she likes woman too.

Ahhhhh.......

(written from airport yesterday on way to Turks and Caicos)

When you travel quite a bit you realize that every trip has a flavor. Something that even before you leave defines it and makes you remembers that time in your life in particular. Sometimes it can be the “just after Bear had his surgery” trip….other times the “the time we all had Gastro right before we left and almost didn’t”. The one where you “were so stressed before you left you didn’t know if you could actually unwind at all”.

Hubby and I are at the airport now on our way a two week luxurious beach vacation! Without the kids.

And everything went super smoothly leading up to this trip (almost scary smoothly in fact!). But…and big but here…this will be defined as the trip as we are the most tired we have every been and have been the most busy. It will be defined as the crazy busy fall before our trip. I realized yesterday and the day before as I tried desperately to tie up everything at work and home before we left ..how much we have put on our plates and how much we do. Right up until 1:30 am last night (ps we left at 5am)…we were running including Hubby going back to office for his phone that was not even there.

In the last two days I honestly had not a spare moment. It was really ridiculous. My last 4 months have felt that way. But man we got a lot done. Hubby and I have this thing about Spring and Fall that we cram everything into about 10 weeks each of these two seasons. And I mean everything. Besides the fact that our work is at its peak at those times too and so is the three kids exam periods, extracurricular stuff and schoolwork. It feels like over stuffing and over-stuffed turkey. Plus we try to see many of our friends and family during that time too as not skiing season where we get to see none or summer where our schedules and everyone else’s are all over the place.

So this Fall we had some major things going on besides all the normal carry busy stuff:

We  painted and redecorated fully all three kids rooms

My husband is almost complete phase 2 of his new office renovation

We put stairs in at the cottage and changed the roof

We have started each tackling big development areas for us as people individually with some outside support which has been a major focus for both of us

Beauty wrote major entrance exams, attended many open houses and did auditions for her high school

We started CEGEP visits with Chase (ya that went really well..not!)

I got ¾ of the way through a massive picture project I am doing that has been on the to do list for three years (framing, albums, collages etc..)

We lost our housekeeper and have fully trained ourselves and our kids to take on WAY MORE at home (kids do all the laundry now even Hubby’s.. (not mine)…they do all the folding..Clean the entire bathrooms…cook simple meals on their own…fully in charge of kitchen etc…

And surprise of all surprises I found out last week I have changed roles at work and have taken my current role on and now and other 50% of a new very large bucket and will be adding a new direct report. I leaned in and now it is coming to life (in some different ways that I had initially hoped for mind you…but the larger picture will all work out somehow I am hoping for this big promotion)

Oh ya and PS…I kinda took on this role yesterday (vs the planned Jan 1)as I was trying to get ready and set for my trip.

So this flavor is definitely: tired…stressed..exhausted..and in need of some serious sleep kinda trip.

The only thing I picture on this trip is sleep beach and reading. And can you believe that my amazon order of 13 books never arrived!!!!!!!! I desperately ran to Chapters and bought 8 of the 13 at full price nonetheless as a trip for me without my books is like asking most people to take a trip without a margarita in their hands most times of the day (PS I take the books any day in case you need clarificationJ

PIS-today as I looked at my 8 books vs. 13 I cried this morning-not a joke. I am totally serious I wept because I did not have my 13 books and I would rather die than read on an I pad. It is day one and one Is already finished so in my calculations that means I will have 5 days without a book!!!!! I saw a girl at beach today reading one I want. I might steal it (not sure if I am even joking)

I am very proud of myself though with the fact that the busier I am and the more stressed the more I seem to also make time for the biggest priorities in my life too as impossible as that sometimes feels to do. On Monday between clients, works, packing and organizing I managed to take Bear out for a 1-1 lunch…Beauty took me out for my belated bday frozen yogurt date and Chase almost went earring shopping with me ( before he cancelled on me and dumped me for his buddyJ). Hubby also had a 1-1 date with Beauty for Indian lunch and we sat down to a long family dinner last night and I watched  Greys’s Anatomy with Chase before I packed fully.

Everyone got a “switchy” last night for tucks ins (our long time experession for both of us tucking the kids in for long tucks ins. Beauty cried her eyes out that we are leaving which she has done last three years (never did before that and she has been left for vacations since born!!). Chase worried about us and warned us of every precaution under the sun (do you have number of police, locate the embassy as soon as you arrive, don’t go in forest with strangers, keep vodka from Dad, stay in the richer areas, text us every couple of days to check in, don’t relax too much and forget you are in a foreign country, make sure you spend a lot of time in the lobby of the hotel as it is safer, and bring lots of medications) Don’t worry he is generally a pretty normal kid and pretty relaxed although he sounds like a basket case reading this!!!! He is just the safe one in our family and doesn’t take any chances when it comes of the safety of the ones he loves. Bear wished us a great trip and told us he was super jealous and wished he was going on the beach.

 

As usual we came an hour and a half early to the airport and wish we were in bed. I cannot wait to be in Turks and Caicos (yes there again we lied last year that not coming back!!) Wild horses can not seem to keep us away apparently. This is a hard limit from my hubby: I want to go to Turks again. You got it baby!!!! Take me to the Beach mister!!!

And this trip is even more special as it might be our last “Alone trip” for a bit (I know famous last words eh?) We came to the shocking realization today that after next year Chase will be on completely different schedules for vacations in CEGEP that our other two kids. November break won’t be happening…March Break won't be happening….Easter Break won’t be happening. Christmas is a no go as our kids are huge skiers and summer is out as in our books never a good time to travel and way too hot. So of course we will still travel with our kids but likely the five of us together will be unlikely on an every year or every second year basis as we do now. And as of highschool or CEGEP we would never pull kids out of school to travel-it is a value of ours that is important. Primary yes-but not after that. Education is priority.

Travelling together has always been a bit part of our family life.

All that to say we pretty much decided that because of this fact in the next 2 yrs. before that fact actually arrives-if we go away it will be with the kids. We will have plenty of time for alone time in the future. The clock is ticking!!!!! I cannot believe that we are at the stage that this is even happening. I honestly cannot. Our kids are turning into adults one day!!!

So this trip’s flavor is: Rest, relaxation and savoring every single delicious moment. Heaven is about to happen-or that is how I feel anyways. These two weeks are heavenly-I would be shocked if there is a real heaven if it gets any better than thisJ

 

 

Digtital Distraction

I find myself very annoyed lately with the distraction that comes along with our technological society. And also very curious to learn more about this.

I find myself distracted.

I find myself quite distressed about the distraction of others.

I worry for the next generation. I worry for me too.

What has this world come to? Sometimes I feel sick as I sit on a bus or a train and watch myself others. All be alone. But together.

I have had a particularly hard week at work this week. Disappointing..emotionally- charged..Emotional…hard….stressful, changing, taxing, disappointing, challenging, odd, crazy. Exciting-challenging-adrenaline. All mixed up-just like me.

After a week like this I am even more annoyed by this digital distraction. I find it even one more level up there of sick. And I can’t point to what it is exactly-just a wide range of emotions about it that all come down to the same few elements in observing what we humans have become.

Basically after a week like I had this past week-I feel ready to bury my Iphone. I settle for hiding it out of my sight and checking it twice a day and not checking work emails at all on the weekend until Sunday night now. My blood pressure is high enough thank you very much.

We humans now:

We miss sunsets and don’t notice they are occurring because we are looking down on a train

We record and photograph sunsets because everything needs to be shared

We feel the need to share our thoughts on sunsets with others while it is happening

We can’t be alone in our thoughts anymore.

We are owned by companies with the invention of the smartphone. “Here now you are a Manager-here’s a gift-you can work for us 24-7!”Gee thanks. Thanks a lot. You have just ensured I will be divorced and not know my children.

What about digital free days? OMG they are amazing when shared with the right person. I had one last Monday and unintentionally too.. At my cottage with Soulkeeper. We talked and talked and walked for 3 hrs.and came back and soaked up the Jacuzzi and take again, ate and sat by fires. At one point we got lost in the forest and realized neither had brought out phones and decided just to figure it all out. At another point we wanted to capture a picture and realized the moments were too precious to interrupt and go find a camera…so we just remembered the moment and enjoyed it.

That day gave me an abundance of energy and spirit. I need more digital free days like that.

I love my smartphone just as much as the next person. I love writing on my blog and often reading the blogs of others. Internet is a fast way to find out info. However as soon as I feel my stress go up I realize quickly it must have something to do with my digital distraction or my annoyance of the habits of the distracted world around me. Or both.

To me the biggest favor we can do ourselves in lives is to limit this crazy world of tweets and instragram and facebook and texts to when it  mattersand relaxes us and not as a constant and ever there companion. To use it for us and not let it use us all up. To unplug as least as much as we plug in.

And to stand up for our rights to not be connected all day everyday every hour for companies who would not even pause for a moment if we were to disappear. Where we would be replaced in a millisecond if we left or were let go.

Understand this well: no company will ever give your eulogy.

As I sit here at the cottage with my three children and husband after 6 weeks of not all being at the cottage at the same time and missing it like crazy…I am keenly aware of our alones and our togetherness. We sit here united bantering back and forth. Me writing my blog, the Ipad being shifted back and forth while linkdon profiles are viewed and laughed at. Music is on too-popcorn eaten. The kids are asking to watch the second half of a documentary we started this week on family night on the overt sexualiazation of woman in the media (I thought it was the subjects my kids were interested in but apparently it is the boobs.)

The very fact that I am here with them in this beautiful room with the fire writing this blog about it all confuses me. Is it bad? Is it good? Does it enrich my life or deplete my life? Or is it somewhere in between the both-a perfect shade of gray?

Has the definition of “being present” changed with the changing times. Has the new millennium redefined it?

I realize though all of this how technology is such a big part of our lives and even thought part of it takes our time and lives away-part of it enhances it too. Sometimes we crave the old fashionedness of the olden days and other times we are thankful for the lessons we can learn through this amazing speed of technology.

I crave it and I resent it. Both equally and both at once.

In hinders my life and helps it. Together.

I feel more social and connected and more alone than I have ever felt in my life.

I sit here by the fire and look at my little crazies and relish in the craziness of it all.

Of what this world has become and what it is becoming.

And thankful for the awareness that I have around this subject-for this in itself…………is one step ahead of those blissfully ignorant many who have no idea likely of how digitally distracted they truly are. And have no idea at all if they even want to be. Simply because they have never stopped to ponder it.

All I know is that above all after a week like the one I had this week….I am so very very grateful for the night I had tonight. Unplugged and plugged digitally and surrounded by the ones I love. One of the biggest benefits for me of having a very demanding job with often a lot of stress…..it that it makes me appreciate the times I don’ have stress and push it all away. Enjoy the calm of the ocean. Enjoy the cracking fire…admire the sunsets…..all because I know my Monday-Friday has very few of these serene quiet moments in them.

Stress and work demand that I be able to stay in the present on weekends…that I revitalize and be able to recover to be fresh for the week ahead,

Life needs to be a series of sprints vs. a lifetime of marathons. And when you are sprinting each and every week…recovery on the weekends is vital.

Even more vital is recovery without being digitally distracted.