The Legacy Living Room Chair

I miss writing so much. It is really something that relaxes me and makes me happy. I really love writing on this blog. And I have missed it. Now often it is once a week and sometimes even more times passes without writing. I am making other choices (mostly involving tons of work and Christmas shopping and seeing friends on weekends in December) they are good choices but I still miss my blog. I hope I can find a way soon to integrate it back into my life the way it used to be.  I am using my creativity in many other places for work. Working as an entrepreneur has lots of pros, but one of them is not time. Flexibility yes but not time. Working in an office is much much more predictable. This whole new schedule and lawyers and accounting and incorporation and invoicing and driving all over the city and travelling on planes and trains- are throwing my life off more than a little.

And I (mostly) love itJ

So living room chairs have been on my mind lately. Ours in particular. About 8 yrs. ago we had a decorator help us with the décor of our Livingroom. Originally we were going to go for the Fairmont hotel looks of fireplace, deep burnt oranges and warm reds-a little mustards yellow thrown in, patterned striped chairs and dark walls. This is not a joke: our decorator threatened to quit.

She convinced us that peace and serenity and beauty are in the timeless classics of beiges and neutrals and that if we felt the need of some reds and oranges to  throw in a  cushion. What she designed is beautiful and I adore that room. Even our cushion is in classic striped silk beiges and creams and I love the relaxed way I feel in that room. Unlike a hotel reception with a fireplace where I cozy up for 2-3 hrs and read a book in the warm reds and yellows….I have to live in my house. And creams and beiges, greys and whites and lots of soft aqua is where I feel best to live & love.  By far. With a lot of colourful and cozy accessories. These colors comfort and calm us.

Our decorator suggested we have 4 custom made Livingroom chairs made two in a cozier velour fabric with footrests matching and two more classic linen wings tipped ones. (All in beige or taupe). At the time I did not get why custom made and so expensive, but she convinced us that is important that you have furniture that will last a lifetime and be able to pass down to your children. So we went for it! (not sure our kids will care about our chairs when we die but found reasonable enough at the time!)

So they were made (wish I had a picture but I am not at home right now) . All four are comfy and gorgeous and beautiful. And the point of this blog? Only one gets sat in. Well actually two. Three of us only choose one and Hubby chooses another. One of us is not attached to any of the chairs. Weird eh? There is the favorite in that room. And even if it has its matching twin right across from in positioned exactly the same way sideways to the fireplace with a same matching footrest three of us choose “ the” chair.

For me it is working in that chair. I am mostly at my desk as have an office in our home on the first floor with a big window facing out to the front yard (probably the biggest reason we bought house 16 yrs. ago was that office that we knew one day would be inhabited ) but at least four hours of any workday I am in that chair . I run the gas fireplace too and it is so cozy. I put my feet out and put a blanket on top of me and have my lists and lists and lists in front of me and my laptop. I rehearse my presentations on that chair, plan our life, and speak to my clients. I discipline our kids from that chair and discuss our marriage. I make good and bad decisions from that chair. When I am at the gym in the mornings I dream of coming home to that chair and drinking a smoothie and texting and email on my phone with a blanket on top of me. That chair is a huge benefit of working from home.

 It is (was!) my chair.

Then about two years ago Chase started sitting there. To speak on phone, to facetime, to text. His ex-girlfriends used to sit in his lap on that chair, he watches movies on that chair and his best friend loves that chair too. He does projects and homeworks on it and studies on it. He stays up until all hours of night on that chair doing God knows what speaking to foreign strange girls on that chair!(PS I don’t find his values coming through as much on the texts I sneak a peek at as last month!)He writes stunning macroeconomics reports on that chairs and studies for math exams he occasionally  fails on that chair.

Beauty loves it too. She speaks to her BFF on facetime on that chair and falls asleep on the phone with her BFF on that chair. She opens her Bday gifts on that chair and wraps her cozy Arie blanket around her shoulders on that chair and eats snacks (even though in theory no food in that room. Baskets C!) She reads her school books on that chair and texts her friends on that chair. When she needs a timeout (yes even at 14 yrs!!) she chooses that chair.

Bear? Doesn’t care what chair he sits in. He is mostly sitting on the basement sofa he chose from Ikea playing video games or out doing sports or watching sports or eating at cage des sports and watching sports with his friends. He sits in whatever chair is available.

Hubby has (had) his on chair. It is diagonal to the one we have and made of linen in taupe. It is winged tipped and actually has a stain from his hair resting on it (eww) from all of these years it been sat in the exact same position. He still sits in in now. He still chooses it. He still really likes it. But it is not his anymore. He gave it up in lots of ways but still visits in here and there in a comfortable way.

That used to be the chair that every day he came home from work in to have a drink. A vodka martin (or two) with olives to be specific . I would sit across in my chair and talk about our day. It was a realizing, predictable, comforting time of day and something to look forward to. But it didn’t work anymore for us or for our family and when he gave up drinking totally he also gave up his chair in many ways. He had to. We knew the chair would be the first thing to go. It was hard but he got through. Now he sits on that chair again, not necessarily at the end of the day but at various times of the day. He sits in it now in a different way, in a different mood, in a different space. And our routine at the end of the day has been replaced by other things we like to do. We use our room more, we cuddle more, we watch more TV, and we do more things with the kids and more stuff around the house. His chair won’t be the legacy but it will always be remembered as part of our history. In all our minds that chair will always be where the family hero sat. We respect him so deeply for giving up his chair for us.

As you can see these chairs is a rich part of our family. And our history.

 Why do we all (3/5) choose the same chair? Is it better than the other chairs? No! Is it different than the other 3 chairs? Not at all! Is it better located or situated or closer to the fire? Nope!

I think we get comfort from the fact that we all like it. It bonds us. It is predictable. We like that others sit in it too. Even if it is all unconscious. And the two who haven’t needed to sit in that chair yet maybe they are just waiting for the right moment in time to need it. Our decorator was right-the chair has become a legacy. Our legacy. It is our chair and it is special and it is priceless. Life happens from that chair. It brings peace and comfort and predictability to our lives.

It is the legacy chair after all that it was intended to be.

Life is Long

Life is Long

I keep telling myself this over and over the last few weeks as besides our luscious pause in time for our luscious vacation- it has been 24/7.

I miss connecting with friends on the phone

I miss writing on this blog. So much!!!!

I miss lying down to watch at show or read at night

I miss having time to catch up on my moms’ life.

I miss a lot. December is always like that as the holidays approach. Not only is work CRAZY but just life is crazy and every single moment is filled.

I miss having no time to think or for a lingering kiss.

But there have also been so many moments that I have cherished. Little ones with big impact.

Coming home for vacation at midnight last week and kissing the warm soft sleepy cheek of our daughter and seeing that she had set up her traditional sparkly hot pink Christmas tree in her room like she does every year. I love her sense of tradition and organization. I love the way her mind works

Seeing Bear “Study all Day” with three friends on what is supposed to be “Journee Carboneutre” (saving energy in gas  and studying all day from home and attending all classes on line)” Ya right! I would have believed it if one of his friends did not even attend their same school! Go on line register for class and then go play video games. Just makes me in awe of teenagers and their growing up process. Also proud of myself that I don’t get bogged down by this stuff or I would be a nagging machine. Their choices! Their consequences!

Seeing Chase become a man. Dating beautiful young woman again. Seeing his values and ethics come through and through again when I check his texts very occasionally here and there when I feel is needed and seeing who he is, what he stands for. This guy is a catch as a boyfriend and as a date and there are no lacks of girls who agree with me. He went on a beautiful date last night all dressed up and took downtown the car to the museum and a fancy dinner. With a sweet and beautiful girl. I am so glad that he is feeling so good.

And Beauty sharing Black Friday with Vanilla Bean and SoulKeeper too. Was a special the four of us and also a hotel for the night. I love this girl stuff. Never ever been more exhausted but was so fun.

And last night seeing my Hubby in his element with his college friends laughing and laughing and lighting up. Was a really nice dinner party.

And the letting go. Of a potential business contract I thought might be a hole in one for 2017 and beyond and is not. Of a part of a friendship that I thought was always predictable and safe and comfortable and which is not making me feel that way lately. Of a need to know for sure what is happening in my  career and letting it flow. Of a need to know how I will possibly get it all done on my own and knowing I will somehow find a way. Of needing to have both business and personal things clear for me to sleep at night.

My whole life is now a comfortable shade of Grey. Chase even looked at me this morning and said “Mom you look relaxed and beautiful. The way the light is shining on your eyes makes them grey and clear and pretty” Aww…….

So I am freaking out of all the things I feel I want to do and cannot do for the moment as not enough hours in a day. I miss them. I miss things. I miss moments.

And then I remind myself that if I am lucky… Life is Long and that there will be many moments ahead and always and I take a deep breath and focus on what is most important and urgent. Constantly trying to adhere to my own ethics that relationships take the place over all. Almost all of the time.

And pride in that the important things..the really important things like spending time with precious family and friends, contributing to those in need, connecting with loved ones on what is important to them and making time for social events and building traditions and special moments. Even throughout the chaos these still happen. Often these things are hard to justify, hard taking the time to do, hard to make happen. Sometimes we ask ourselves, how are we doing this, what are we doing this, how are we squeezing so much into the few hrs we do have? But we never ever regret these times. They are what we remember.

We feel good in December to make space for the moments that matter the most even if there are a whole lot of things that matter too that aren’t happening. And the other loooooong list on the to -do list that doesn’t get done? We tell ourselves…

Life is Long Enough.

If we are so blessed.

Moving Closer

Though some may call it a tragedy-I am going to call what we experienced a trial. Living through precarious circumstances has tried us again and again; in other words it has given us a chance to prove ourselves to ourselves. We were able to push through, in addition to other upheavals, because we finally accepted that if there is one thing you can expect form life, it is the unexpected. Once we stopped looking for someone to blame, including each other, we could brace each other and hold tight.

My favorite passage from “Wife for Life”

There are always particular moments in life that touch us. Mine often occur on vacation simply because it is there that I take the time to notice the simple lovely things. This vacation was no exception.

There was a large wedding at our resort while here and although the wedding hardly touched us (really stern, harsh looking bride and groom!) their extended family did. Especially the gorgeous guy in the wheelchair. I could not take my eyes off of him.

I loved his style. Turquoise shirt, beige pants, cool shoes, windblown messy dark hair and expensive shades. And a really really nice  sexy sultry smile. And his wheelchair was pretty cool too and made for the beach with big wheels for the sand. But all of this is not what impressed me of course-one of many gorgeous men on the beach. It was what he radiated as a human being and the love that surrounded him.

He had what I imagine what his brother was looking after his every need but the brother looked so much like he wanted to help him. Like his partner. His foundation in so many ways. It was almost as if they shared the burden of what happened to the guy in the chair. It was this brotherly love that struck me most. It is damn hard to push a wheelchair in the sand so the brother needed help and the guy himself helped him but using his arms as much as possible to wheel it. Together.

Then it was time for wedding pictures of the whole family and you could tell this guy did not want to be defined by his chair. You could just tell that he had once walked and that this was an accident that left him completely paralyzed from the waist down. His brother and his cousin immediately just lifted him out of his chair and a girl came and held his legs that dragged behind him while he was being supported standing up by both guys. They supported him for the 15 mins of pics as if they did this every day. And lifted him in the air to look taller in the pics. And the guy smiled and smiled. I could feel so much love around him and inside of him. He was adored. And he adored himself.

I kind of secretly fell in love. Shhh. (anyways my husband was so impressed by this guy and his family too)

But what it taught me is how we are defined by our reactions and attitudes to our trials.This particular guy in this particular wheelchair will stay etched in my memory forever.

And then the couple on the beach. She crawled in his lap on a small single chair and stayed there in his arms and had a nap. It was so sweet.

So they next day I did that too (with my husband). It was such a great nap. I love being much smaller and shorter than my husband in this way. He was able to encompass me in this way. I loved this.

And the book I read “Wife for Life” (who I wrote a fellow blogger I don’t even know about as I am certain it will touch her profoundly) so many parts I find a bit crazy and old fashioned but some beautiful nuggets of truth and wisdom in there too. Things that will change me and my marriage. A lens I have never looked through before. The reason I probably curled up in my own knight in shining armor’s lap on the beach that day.

Vacation allows me to feel what is freely in my heart. It gives me the pause to stop and wonder at the beautiful moments that make up a life. Some people probably have these moments daily-I have them when I pause. My real life pauses at family dinners, weekends and vacations. Sprint. Recovery. Sprint. Recovery.

Bracing each other and holding on tight. It’s what we have done for more than 20 yrs now and it works. Moving towards eachother…instead of turning away. Crawling into his welcoming lap is just the next stage to discover.

The next stage to notice.

Wish Beauty was Here

She would have so much fun with these Potcake puppies!

We fostered another one today.. A little baby 8 weeks old . We took Hugo for a long walk with lots of breaks for him.

He was soooooo cute . Completely different personality than other puppy. Was shy and wanted to be in our arms most the time. Just wanted to cuddle. Hardly would walk but we trained him to like it. And we figured out he loved his bag they give you at the kennel to hold his stuff and he would chase after it on the beach and wanted to hop in the bag and have us carry him often. What a sweetie.

He also liked drinking water alot but not so much his little treats. Sometimes he would just stop and refuse to budge . And when we would take breaks he would take little naps and power snoozes and fall asleep within 30 seconds ( like hubby !! )

He was another chick magnet for my husband . Woman after woman in little bikinis would be swarming after this puppy. I am telling you if you are single get a puppy men !!!

We kinda fell in love a little today with Hugo but also felt a little relived to give him back too. Hard work!! Could never go in ocean together . Was super fun to have these two experiences with puppies. Will help us make our decision about getting a dog for our family. We decided by valentines day ( february 14 2016) we will have a final yes or no.

This is a BIG decision and  we want to make the right and responsible one.

We got back to our beach chairs today and missed both Hugo and meh-meh. Would have loved to see our girl walking these adorable pups.She would be in dog heaven

Believe it or not today we walked a total of 4.5 hrs !!!! Part with puppy and part without . Lots of breaks but left condo at 9:30 am  and back at 3pm with a stop for the best lunch ever . Second time at a turkish resto called turks kebab and their chicken curry pitas and fries are to die for. For some reason made me think of my Dad as he was from Trinidad and loved this type of food that i missed out on being a kid ( apparently i insisted on peanut butter only !! ) ps until the age of 20 yrs old .

For some reason today eating that curry wrap i wished I had the type of Dad I could have walked as a girl growing up hand in hand with. I wish we could have been the type of father/daughter duo to have eaten curry together. Usually I try my hardest to not let myself think these thoughts but sometimes I just let them in. Like today. It seems easier to wish I had not wasted my palette on peanut butter for so long.



Today was a phenomenal day with the most gorgeous sunset ever at night with a bright pink sky. Tonight massages on the terrace and homemade hamburger steak and fries .
Checked email tonight too and felt the pressure of next week of course and returning home soon . We leave monday ..

Something in particular about this trip is really relaxing. For once it seems we have not a care in the world . Our biggest worry is how to get back here one day!!  I have never worried less about the kids .. Between my mom and the kid's own autonomy at this stage it feels worry free. In the last two years especially I am not sure we have had many worry free times. We still have stuff to worry about but seems like we have learnt to cope much better with what is there.

We still totally pay for leaving big time when we get back though as the kids still want to run the show of course. But it is so worth it

Bye Hugo and Saturn ! Was amazing taking care of you and really gave us a good idea of what having a puppy is like. Along with Buddy and Coco to come and visiting Reggie, we will have all we need to make an informed decision by Valentines day!

Our Place

We have been coming here for so many years to this same condo it almost feels more like home than our actual home. We tend to attach ourselves to leisure places (here and the cottage) more than our actual place of living. When the kids move out one day it is a sure thing we will be moving into a small apartment and then using our money for paying off mortgage and debts and travelling to places like this!

This trip has been so good. Even better than usual if that is possible. Most days’ good weather and some cloudier and windier and rainier but in general really good. We have been doing thing is a bit differently this trip. Hers a few highlights:

We fostered a dogJ

We are fostering another puppy for a long walk tomorrowJ

We went parasailing yesterday high up into the sky

We went on a conch tour on a boat

We are talking to lots of people and being very social (usually in a week we barely speak other than to each other)

Each morning our alarm is set for 7:45 am and we get up and start day then or go to the outside bed on the porch and sleep off and on until about 9am. We have never gotten up past 8am from bed.

We are taking a nap almost every day for about an hour and a half on the beach. Today we came up to room and slept on porch from 6-7:30pm. If we had not put on alarm we would have slept through the night

When we go out to eat it is cheap hole in the wall restos like tonight

We watch a movie every night

We take long walks almost daily unless we are super lazy like today

Hubby jogs every second day on the beach. So proud of this guy!!!

Today I approached the hotel for business. I want to come back. He seemed interested and I got his email

We are talking about all sorts of new things in our lives that are totally new. In some ways it’s like discovering a different landscape of our normal lives in the last two years. It weird how when something changes everything changes. We are different people here now than we were two years ago the last time we came.

We spend hours and hours a day dreaming of ways of how to come back here or how to buy this condo. (PS we have been having this conversation for 7 yrs. now)

We talk to all the locals and they are so super sweet

Our eldest son would kill us but we went to a local resto tonight (cheap hole in the wall) and the hotel told us to take a taxi as not super safe as lots of stray dogs and locals I guess vs tourist area. We took a chance  to save 24 dollar cab ride and walked the 6 local minutes. The food was amazing!!!! But that was dumb we admit

We facetimed all our kids last night and my mom (no contact before that to give them and us a real mental break and true couple time). It was so wonderful speaking to them all and was on facetime for more than an hour. Love them all so much. Beauty was so cute. I think she was scared to tell us about a particular mark on her report card, but not the time to react when we are away. We love them all. 

At the age they are at now so easy to leave. We don't worry a single bit (maybe we should as Chase is going clubbing for the first time ever tomorrow night. A month from 18 yrs old hard to say no! Hope he doesn't get arrested and put in jail as nobody to bail him out as Didi goes to sleep super early:))

We are having near panic attacks looking at our schedules for next week when back to work and monkey bar gym. We arrive at midnight and as of 6am that next morning and every morning until X-mas packed solid. Good news for business but bad news for enjoying life!!!

Such a luscious trip. Every moment of it.

Our motto: Work hard and play hard. And live life in a series of extremely intense sprints. Don’t run marathons. Glad we have each other and both feel this way. It’s not for everyone-but it’s for us. The high stress high adrenaline of these sprints makes us feel like we earn the breaks to re-energize. We appreciate every moment of vacation as so incredibly different from our lives.

Not ready for the next sprint though. Glad we still have three days of heaven.

Bad bad mommy moment

I don't bribe my kids

I am too level headed and reasonable for that. Besides the fact that i take every opportunity possible to teach them a lesson. Bribing isn't part of my parenting toolkit.

Until now apparently.

Chase had a book report due the next day and had half of the book not read yet. I had not an ounce of sympathy. Get upstairs and read all day and night if you have too!

Then he looked at me and seriously said" pls can you read the whole book mommy and dicuss it with me so i can write the report??"

No! No! Of course not !!

Then i realized there were two things i really really wanted from him and have just not found a way to access
1-information about something i really really wanted to know
2- for him to come spend 9 days with his dad and i alone in june

I knew both would never occur unless i took some serious action. I wanted both desperately. Combined with the fact that i am pretty much a speed resder, liked the look of the book, that this child has never asked me for help in school and never missed a deadline at school....

I bribed him

And it worked like magic

On both counts

Can you even imagine having to bribe your child to come on a trip with you??? You will see how this all works when your kid is almost 18 yrs

I felt so so so so bad and guilty that day reading that book. Bad bad mommy

But deep down? For what i got in return? It ended up being on of my finer moments in reality

Sometimes in life we have to give up all ethics and let loose a little

That day? Mommy went wild😝😝😝😝😝

To Have or Not to have a Dog? that is the question

This has been a hot topic around our home lately! And not solved yet either!

We are doing a number of things to test the waters. Can you believe that in two weeks we will borrow a stranger’s dog for 6 days? That we had Beauty’s Bff’s dog at our cottage with a house full of guests? We will visit our friends in Toronto in December and get a sense of their dog too. There are many things we are doing to make this important decision and make sure it is the right one for our family. So far it is weighing in at a true 50-50 chance-but we are doing our homework wisely.

Today we fostered a Potcake puppy on the island of Turks and Caicos!!!! We got to walk her for over an hour on the beach and will go back later this week and take another puppy for a few hours too.

It was soooooo adorable and we loved our experience with “our” puppy. More than we imagined! A few highlights

-she was afraid of water and would quietly whimper when the ocean water touched her feet

-she kept getting tired of running and would lay her head and paw on Hubby’s lap

-she was a chick magnet. If hubby was single he would be in heaven! (I think he still was!) Everyone and everybody talked to us especially young women in tiny bikinis

-she loved her water and her treats and we trained her to sit and stay still before getting one

-she would be sad when she would see another puppy and then it would leave. She would cry

-she liked to be carried in our arms like a baby instead of walking part of the time when she got tired

We really missed her the rest of the afternoon and loved our experience with her. It was really fun to nurture her and take care of her. My heart expanded for that hour I think

I was never a kid person before either and I became one from loving my three babes. Same would go for dogsJ)))