Life is Long
I keep
telling myself this over and over the last few weeks as besides our luscious pause
in time for our luscious vacation- it has been 24/7.
I miss
connecting with friends on the phone
I miss
writing on this blog. So much!!!!
I miss lying
down to watch at show or read at night
I miss
having time to catch up on my moms’ life.
I miss a
lot. December is always like that as the holidays approach. Not only is work
CRAZY but just life is crazy and every single moment is filled.
I miss
having no time to think or for a lingering kiss.
But there
have also been so many moments that I have cherished. Little ones with big
impact.
Coming home
for vacation at midnight last week and kissing the warm soft sleepy cheek of
our daughter and seeing that she had set up her traditional sparkly hot pink Christmas
tree in her room like she does every year. I love her sense of tradition and organization.
I love the way her mind works
Seeing Bear
“Study all Day” with three friends on what is supposed to be “Journee Carboneutre”
(saving energy in gas and studying all
day from home and attending all classes on line)” Ya right! I would have
believed it if one of his friends did not even attend their same school! Go on
line register for class and then go play video games. Just makes me in awe of
teenagers and their growing up process. Also proud of myself that I don’t get
bogged down by this stuff or I would be a nagging machine. Their choices! Their
consequences!
Seeing Chase
become a man. Dating beautiful young woman again. Seeing his values and ethics
come through and through again when I check his texts very occasionally here
and there when I feel is needed and seeing who he is, what he stands for. This
guy is a catch as a boyfriend and as a date and there are no lacks of girls who
agree with me. He went on a beautiful date last night all dressed up and took downtown
the car to the museum and a fancy dinner. With a sweet and beautiful girl. I am
so glad that he is feeling so good.
And Beauty
sharing Black Friday with Vanilla Bean and SoulKeeper too. Was a special the four
of us and also a hotel for the night. I love this girl stuff. Never ever been
more exhausted but was so fun.
And last
night seeing my Hubby in his element with his college friends laughing and
laughing and lighting up. Was a really nice dinner party.
And the
letting go. Of a potential business contract I thought might be a hole in one
for 2017 and beyond and is not. Of a part of a friendship that I thought was
always predictable and safe and comfortable and which is not making me feel
that way lately. Of a need to know for sure what is happening in my career and letting it flow. Of a need to know
how I will possibly get it all done on my own and knowing I will somehow find a
way. Of needing to have both business and personal things clear for me to sleep
at night.
My whole
life is now a comfortable shade of Grey. Chase even looked at me this morning
and said “Mom you look relaxed and beautiful. The way the light is shining on
your eyes makes them grey and clear and pretty” Aww…….
So I am
freaking out of all the things I feel I want to do and cannot do for the moment
as not enough hours in a day. I miss them. I miss things. I miss moments.
And then I remind
myself that if I am lucky… Life is Long and that there will be many moments ahead
and always and I take a deep breath and focus on what is most important and urgent.
Constantly trying to adhere to my own ethics that relationships take the place
over all. Almost all of the time.
And pride in
that the important things..the really important things like spending time with
precious family and friends, contributing to those in need, connecting with
loved ones on what is important to them and making time for social events and
building traditions and special moments. Even throughout the chaos these still happen.
Often these things are hard to justify, hard taking the time to do, hard to
make happen. Sometimes we ask ourselves, how are we doing this, what are we
doing this, how are we squeezing so much into the few hrs we do have? But we
never ever regret these times. They are what we remember.
We feel good
in December to make space for the moments that matter the most even if there
are a whole lot of things that matter too that aren’t happening. And the other
loooooong list on the to -do list that doesn’t get done? We tell ourselves…
Life is Long
Enough.
If we are so
blessed.
