!!!!!!#####@@@@!!!!!!!!!!CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night was supposed to be a nice treat. Leave work a bit earlier which is very rare for me…have a nice cheap and casual dinner out with my Mom and her friends for  Souvlaki before our second to last Mindfulness course.

I was really looking forward to it…

 

Until I got in a fight with a cop and got an 87$ ticket!!! (She doubles the amount when I got an attitude)

And then I had to drive around for 40 bloody minutes to find parking. Never found it..so had to go far away in a paid parking lot for the evening.

That souvlaki and 30 minute dinner cost me a pretty penny I tell ya.

After 30 minutes of driving around I began to cry. Really cry. Tears streaming and everything. My instinct was to go home and forget the dinner and forget the course. I had nowhere to park anyways.

 

But then I told myself. “Something will come of this evening that will be priceless and worth the expense. Something will happen. It’s not something I will know or understand now but it will make sense one day”

So I pulled myself together and went to the resto and then the Mindfulness course and relaxed and enjoyed. And here is what I learnt:

 

-Montreal has a real F…g issue downtown with parking.

-Quebec in general has a real frigging issue with their parking signs that you need more than a PHD to comprehend

-Most woman can eat souvlaki with salad. I have to have the fries.

-My Mom..well my Mom..she is destined to wear a bug suit. I can’t fight it.

 

-I love walking in the evenings in there city in good weather-it is so lovely

-When I am stressed I have an automatic urge for others around me to drink to relax me (I know crazy) I was so disappointed that nobody at dinner was getting drunk so I could relax. (I am a basket case)

 

-I need to nourish my soul more

-I (apparently) hide parking tickets from my Hubby

-I need to master something again (like acting in plays when I was a teen teen)

-I don’t know why the evening was worth it-but is. I will find out one day

-I am glad I have the ability to calm myself and make good decisions even under high stress

-I really like Frenchfries

Pride:)

Tonight was all about Bear.

He was invited to his school Gala Awards night. Last year he won on “comportment” (behaviour)…..with a number of other students. We were so proud.

This year he won alone. Him only for this category. Prix Excellence Meritas Defi sports. One of the highest honors!!!  Athlete of the year in his sports program. For combination of leadership, sportsmanship and athletic skill in the 10 sports the were taught this year. Combined with academic excellence that is required as criteria.

And his face..his face…. When we heard his name we both put down our cameras-and just took that face in. Engrained it into our hearts. We looked up all the way.

And then he won the tirage (draw) too and won a nice gift certificate. What a night!

And it was exactly what Hubby and I needed this week. After a few nights of fights and disagreements and overall just  being a bit disconnected-we looked at each other and smiled and hugged. Our son won this..our son….. There is nothing like these moments for parents to feel closer and more bonded. It took everything I love about the man beside me and made it better. We share this beautiful boy on the most profound level.

And this boy-the one who won tonight..Was the one on the operating table two years ago fighting  to be ok in the emergency surgery with a ruptured appendix. Who missed the 4 hr. audition and almost could not get into the 5 yr. sports program. We worked 6 months and negotiated with school to re-audition him etc. I wonder what they thought tonight???!!! I am so glad I did not just trust the process on this one. He is meant for this program-it is his life and I knew that it would be his heart and soul. this school-this porgram-will define who he becomes in life. Call it mother's instinct

And then after the ceremony all his friends and teacher congratulating him…hugging him. Teachers coming up to him and us-was such a wonderful moment.

And then..and then…..and then….

He goes and gets a girl and brings her to us both and says” This is Elise. This is her. And I really wanted you to meet both of you” and she was so lovely and sweet and polite and beautiful. And it was a moment that he took for himself…even though he knows we are not big on the whole dating thing just yet…he wanted her to meet us anyways. Because she is important to him .and so are we to him. He did what was best and right.

Bear will always be true to himself and his own values. He will always beat to rhythm of his own drums. In the most respectful way possible. I adore this quality about him. He is true leader and I am proud to be associated and related to him. I was thrilled to meet this lovely girl he adores. It was the beginning for me of a whole new life ahead with Bear.

And we walked out of there last night…really just in awe. Of our boy.

pretty good for a boy who'd parents are lame asses and dont committ to team sports teams very often!!!

 

Proud.

 

 

A Beautiful Way to Spend a Day

This week  I was very good and ready to write a laundry list of all the things teens are or say or act like that make life a lot harder than it used to be, With three of them now and no more babies left –believe me…..there are some serious disadvantages.

But then this weekend happened –and I felt like that list was for another day. There were so many things this weekend that I loved about having teens and just life in general that I knew the timing was not right.

Firstly got together Saturday at our friends house. We are three couples and a bunch of kids (mostly now tweens and teens and a few little ones) and it had been 5 months since seeing each other. That is a record for us. For years we see each other’s about 6 times a year always on the same dates pretty much. We missed them and was so good to be together. We sat in the sun and sipped lemonade with ice and ate delicious sandwiches and salads. And we laughed  and laughed and got caught up. Same as always.

Something about that day just made me feels so good.  Our friends are so supportive and so endearing and so kind. Kind would be the best word to describe that group, just good to the core-kind people. And I loved every moment for so many reasons. I loved that Mrs. Sweetheart looked at me and Hubby and said “Hey you didn’t invite us over to your pool yet in June…summer doesn’t begin for us until we have that invitation!”

And I went home and got my act together and sent out that invite. This year needs to be no different than any other year and something about that realization was like a warm blanket of comfort.

And then that day teens were fun too. Many of us going on Mr. Sweetheart’s boat. And the teen’s scaterring around the village..some to meet other friends..some for gum and ice-cream..some long boarding home..Some to meet girls and sneak kisses in the park (Bear! Who else?). I love the flow of teens..and that they all have each other. Truly like cousins they have all grown up together so consistently. We have all committed so very much to eachothers families year after year no matter how busy life gets.

And then since we were in the city vs country which is so rare a steady flow of teens through house all afternoon and evening. And I realized this is the part I love most. Seeing the friends there, having dinner with them and long chats and laughs at the table, supervising the girls have midnight late swims in the pool and do syncro. Preparing BBBs for hungry friends and teens. Nothing beats this for me..and it brings back my best memories of my own adolescence. My parents knew my friends inside out and so did my friends know my parents. Everyone was made welcome and were known. My friends were their best selves at our house. And when I see this at my own house –it is my best self too.

I adore watching my kids grow up alongside other people. People who are their people and input into which they will become.  Loved watching Bear in the early morning in victory with his two young coaches not much older than he is…I loved their influence on him. Loved watching him with his team. Chase at the dinner table with Bear and his friend making the younger boys laugh in hysterics…Beauty‘s; laughter in the neighbors back yards all day at a birthday party-joy filling the space and air. Beauty for yet another sleepover the girls asking to go in the pool and do syncro before bed together with her brace off to stretch her body. The sound of Chase so early this morning making a hearty breakfast for a 12 hr. day of downhill biking at bromont and making two friends right away on the bus there and letting me know by text. I love it all.

Friends have always been and are an instrumental part of all of our lives and I am thankful for this daily. Not everyone has this and I am blessed that we do-as a couple and as a family. People who know us and get us. Who look out for us.

Sweethearts summer cake yesterday and her sweet email brought it home for me yesterday-if only she knew how much I needed to hear what she had to say. She brought me home to where I know I belong. With our friends and seeing our kids with their friends.

It’s who we are. It’s who we will always be-no matter what is going on in our lives. It felt so good to come back home.

Bear Gets Serious

 

Even with two boys we can’t say we have ever been soccer or hockey parents. There are many reasons, the cottage..schedules..priorities…neither liking soccer..hockey too may concussions when played long term etc… they have been on teams for 1-2 years and then one (or all of us) get fed up or too bored and declare “Enough!!!”

But regardless our boys have played those sports and literally every other sport under the sun. At clinics, at camps, at specialized four week programs etc. They are well versed and play almost every sport –especially now with their sports program where they touch 65 sports over 5 years.

That being said we don’t sit in bleachers ever weekend. And when we do our kid’s teams often lose.

Well not yesterday!!!!!!!! Flag football season ended with Bear’s team at the finals which is a big deal as some of this team are amazing and HUGE. Well clearly not amazing or big enough. Bear’s team won and are now going to Provincials next weekend!!!! In Quebec! Omg. And he is one of the team captains!!!! Never seen his face so proud.

And I was unselfish and very happy for them too even if he can’t be there for a big planned weekend with his Godmother and family L((I was selfless and still felt happy for him even though he will miss a great weekend.

But I know he will adore this winning streak.

And it lessened my guilt of not being soccer of hockey Mom..as he is going to provincials so he can tell his wife that one day! At his graduation I can say “yes as team captain the weekend he went to provincials..or tell his kid one day “well yes the year your Dad was at the provincials. Just some statements that make him sound really important (and us better parents)I am glad I can now truthfully squeeze in there. Our son the football here-who ever knew???

Xoxo Good going Bear!

PS-on a roll here so better mention he is also invited second year in a row to the honorary Sec 2 Awards Gala. Very very very big honor for that school filled to the brim of very bright kids to be hand chosen and selected!! yahoo bear!!!

The Right Formulas

This week has been a mess so far. Sleeping less, schedule all over the place, technical issues on phones and computers, no time for showers, ankle still sprained and confirmed “badly” sprained, meetings cancelled, kids events, no downtime, high emotions, friends not texting back. A mess.

And when I looked at why-it is mostly because I did not follow the formulas I am supposed to follow to ensure calm, tranquility and peace (mostly)

I am not reading before bed, I am not going to bed by 11:30am, I am not exercising I did not do Sunday night calendar so nobody knows where to be when, my hubby and I are not cuddling on the couch and having downtime together during the evenings, I am out too many times, I am doing to many things. I am rushed. And stressed and trying to pack it all in after a great vacation (which I am now paying for of course)

 

It’s like when I coach clients on their babies and kid’s sleep. They follow the system for a few weeks or months and then get complacent. “oh just tonight let her eat chocolate at 11pm, or juts tonight let her come into  my bed when she is whiny and crabby, or just tonight I will bribe him with a gift if he goes to sleep without complaining. Or just tonight I will let her play with the iPad in bed to make her sleepy” Just tonight my ass!

 

How about do what you were told? Which works. It is literally 100 fail proof I promise unless your kid has a medical issue

“It’s bedtime child. Go to your bed and be quiet unless there is a health issue or emergency”

(And PS what time they fall asleep, how much they stay awake looking at the ceiling, the singing in their room, quietly coloring etc. is NONE OF YOUIR BUINESS!  Your job is to go and clean up, watch TV and allow your child to learn the important skill of sleep.

Within three weeks magic all the sudden they are asleep at 8pm. No crying. No calling. No whining. Why because it causes ZERO reaction from you and therefore is no benefit.

I guarantee you 100 percent this has never ever failed in the 10 yrs I have been preaching and teaching this.

Advice: STOP IT! Whatever you are doing-if it is not working..just please stop it.

(Anyways back to the point (after coaching three clients on sleep this week who derailed and are quickly back on track and sane again and not screaming at their child every two minutes)…I think sleep is really top of mind for me).

Anyways-this week I broke my formulas for myself for my wellbeing and wound up cranky, irritable and unpleasant.

And in general I have been breaking my overall life formulas too in work, parenting, marriage etc…YIKES!

My formula this year, 2014 is REEC

Read/Exercise/Eat well/sleep/ /. If I do those 4 things well in the way I want and intend too-everything else goes smoothly other things will too. There are many other things in a day I want to do too like deliver, be productive, connect, be loving and affectionate , plan short terms and long terms, but a lot of that stuff I don’t have to think about (or at least don’t have to think much about anymore as I am getting better)

 

So today I got up and despite a whole lot of busyness and craziness  and went for a nice brisk walk by the lake. For lunch even though I wanted to order that poutine as was out to lunch with a friend who was..I ordered a healthy brochette and salad and no rice, last night I tuckered down to bed after my late course with a good book and got in 7.5 hrs  of sleep.

And abracadabra I am back in business yet again.There world is still spinning around me-things are chaotic-life is under control.

But me? I am centered.

People it’s all about our own personal formulas (a book to be written on this one day!) Follow them or don’t. We each have different and unique ones -but the commonality is that they work. If they don't-they arent then considered a successful formula

It’s up to you after all!

 

And that is my coaching tip of the day!

 

Annoyed.

 

Do you ever have those days or evenings where your whole family gets on your nerves? Like each kid in their unique, annoying way and your husband too?

Where you suddenly look around the table and think “god these people annoy me? Pls be quiet and go away?” Tonight at dinner that is how I felt and now it is 3 hrs Later and I just can’t seem to shake it. I guess this has not happened to me in a while as it feels pretty foreign. I have been thinking about Eat. Pray.Love . a lot lately (aka I want to take off and go to Italy by myself.

I wish I could blame it on PMS but got my period today so I should be feeling calm and peaceful right?

Anyways just a reminder for you all that my life is not all peachy when it comes to my family always. Sure I love them and all but I got an email the other day from a reader saying that she could not believe how much I seemed to adore my kids. Well listen up lady……there are plenty of times I don’t adore them.

I guess I just have to write about those times more often. I begin tonight..

PS-I think hockey and the series is really contributing to my malaises and annoyance. The screaming for every goal or loss (and often swearing which I can’t stand but is apparently  part of watching hockey, Bear up until midnight a few times a week on school nights, my husband not wanting to watch Modern Family, me being kicked out of family room. It’s just too much. Oh ya and Beauty tonight turned on me again. I guess the trip honeymoon is over!

I honestly don’t know how parents keep their kids up late at night on school nights and can actually be calm and cool and collected with them the next day.,I met a single  Mom today with a 7, 9 and 11 yr old and they go to bed at 10pm every night!!! And she said she never screams or gets irritated with them ever! Could never ever do it. By 9:15pm during week latest I am FINISHED with kids. Goodnight! Weekends are enough when they stay up until midnight thank you very much.

I think I need to go to bed now befoe this post becomes the most boring thing I have ever written.

Goodnight.

Deprivation and Subbed Yoga

When I get back from a vacation a few things are always for sure:

-I gain 2 lbs if one week and 4 lbs if 2 weeks

-I have 1 very hectic week if I was away 1 week and 2 very hectic weeks if I was away 2 weeks

-I always get all my work done and caught up.

-I always lose the vacation weight I gained.

This time I gained 3 lbs and have 3 very hectic weeks of work catching up.

So of course I have to deprive myself with les  food and do more exercise.

The exercise part is hard in and of itself considering that except for sleep all my hours are filled catching up with work and home. But I did it anyways, walking, gym and weights, yoga. By Friday afternoon at 5pm I figured I deserved my restorative yoga session which I adore and it is not for exercise but for decreasing stress only. The sessions are 1.5 hrs.  And only 8 poses are done and each one half for about 7 minutes. But poses that are to stretch (vs work out) and relax. They are amazing and you almost fall asleep. Leaving this class you almost feel like leaving a great massage. Adore it.

Well this week there was a substitute teacher. What a disaster. Talk about easy money to earn! She did 4 poses only and each lasted 25 mins each. And three of them were on our back with our legs bent…how stupid. So all she did was give three instructions the whole class, told us to breathe once or twice and then we all pretty much fell asleep on the floor. At one point I opened my eyes and it looked like a bunch of corpses on the floor with Indian blankets on top of them with Hindu chants in the background. How can this be a JOB for her?

What the hell have I gotten myself into??? This not only does not at all help me to lose weight…it actually stresses my mind! By pose three I decided to just go with the flow..and fell asleep.

 

Anyways back to deprivation. I have a number in my head for my weight and I can NEVER go over the is number. Not that I love this number of anything  or think I look amazing or in shape. It is juts my number for my body. The limit of what I can weight and still feel attractive, confident and good and be happy with the way my clothes fir and still live my life and eat the way I want too. For some this number would be a lot lower, maybe others higher. We all have our boundaries and limits and this is mine for whatever reason.. When I surpass it like after this vacation…my anxiety hits the roof until the scale tells me it is under control.

And so those weeks getting it back to what it was usually 2-3 weeks is insufferable as far as I am concerned. I have a serious issue with deprivation. It is horrible. It can be me deprived or those I love around me and I feel deprived through them. These two weeks until I lose these three pounds…I feel like nothing is fun or I having nothing to look forward too. And I am eating a lot and not even depriving myself of much at all. I just HATE the feeling of not eating what I want when I want. I am generally a fairly healthy eater with lots of weekend fun. Very intuitive eater and rarely overeat but indulge often not by amounts but of what I like. This week I was careful but not too careful and even really pissed me off.

And when others close to me deprive themselves my high alerts go off. When my mom told me no wheat for her a few years back I nearly had a panic attack and hit all the stores immediately in terms of products that would make her forget, when a friend told us not more coffee or alcohol for him I was in near tears, another friend told us no more sugar rest of his life for an illness and we held him in our arms, when my husband gave up alcohol I truly felt that his life had ended. Others people’s deprivation of what they enjoy  Is harder for me to experience than my own and has always been like that.

But my own sucks too.

I think I am an alcoholic who does not drink

A binge eater that does not overeat

A coffee drinker that has never had a cup of coffee.

My husband feels exactly like me about deprivation. It breaks his heart too. We share this craziness together.

I see these things as “free” and “easy” and “fun”. When they have to leave or go away…I feel juts so sad. My heart breaks. Life is so hard in so many ways….a cupcake or gin at the end of the day is just such a little treat. Mornings can be hard to get up and go and face the day…a warm cup of coffee in the hands with some good old caffeine just makes it that much easier (PS I have never drank a cup of coffee or had a gin or barely any alcohol in my life) pss I know I am a piece of work why do you think I see a therapist???

Besides food and drink stuff I don’t care much about deprivation. Not much ruffles my feathers. Tell me you lost your job, got divorced, got your foot run over by a bus and I will sleep fine that night. Tell me you can’t eat a cupcake? I go mad.

Anyways this combination of the crazy dumb yoga class and me not eating much these weeks is a strange one (although PS I just had three cookies). My relationship to exercise and food is quite funny actually and so is the vacation weight. Because as soon as I lose those three pounds? Like as in literally the moment I lose them? Back to normal eating. It’s not like I could think” oh it would be good to lose a few more!” No way. Not worth it. No more deprivation. And it’s not as if I go and eat a cake or anything it’s more like a bowl of cous cous with some veggies on top.  I guess we all have our funny relationships with food don’t we?

So tonight we are having tabouli and chicken and brownies. Tomorrow zatar sandwiches for lunch and homemade taquitos and rice and salad for dinner. Monday I am going for BFF Bday dinner at Steak Frites. So what am I missing exactly?  Nada. Nothing. Except my peace. Except self-managing is hard especially when it comes to having to monitor it three times a day when food is around us all the time. I guess I self-manage in so many other ways in life, and perform, and stay successful and organized…I just wish food and drink (even if I am not drinking it!) was a free ride.

So there it is people. All out there for you to devour and eat up. Crazy me.